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(Baltimore Brew)   Dollar General clerk goes Full Jedi on robber: "I said 'you don't want to do this' and I said it three times"   (digtriad.com) divider line 51
    More: Hero, robbery, Chris Salzer, clerk  
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11232 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Jun 2013 at 6:15 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-22 03:54:18 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2013-06-22 04:04:58 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2013-06-22 04:10:56 PM  
Someone robbed a Dollar General? Not exactly Ocean's 11, is it?
 
2013-06-22 05:28:18 PM  
This is not the Dollar General you want to rob. You'll be moving along.
 
2013-06-22 06:13:38 PM  
The manager is VERY lucky that he didn't get blown away when he hitched up his pants & reached around back behind him.  When I saw that I thought I was about to see someone trying to draw down on someone who already had a pistol somewhat at the ready.  Unlike the movies that almost never works out well for the person trying to draw.

/why would you rob a Dollar General?
//Especially first thing in the morning when the only money around is the $30 or so in/for change per register.
 
2013-06-22 06:18:07 PM  
Or have the junior street level capitalist think that he was reaching around to draw a pistol.  Either way could get really bad really fast.

/don't bring droopy pants to a possible gun fight
 
2013-06-22 06:19:34 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2013-06-22 06:19:59 PM  
Why are you waving your hand around like that? Do you think that you're some sort of Jedi?
 
2013-06-22 06:24:36 PM  
HERO: "And as I'm walking I'm thinking in my head, okay, what's the best thing to do in this situation," he said. "I'm there thinking, God, please help me."

And there we have it, folks. Definitive proof that God's chosen religion is Jedi, after all! No further proof is needed for me. I am now Gnostic Jedi.
 
2013-06-22 06:25:02 PM  
Came for Obi-Wan's death sticks dialog. Left even more satisfied with the the first picture.
 
2013-06-22 06:27:29 PM  

Recoil Therapy: The manager is VERY lucky that he didn't get blown away when he hitched up his pants & reached around back behind him.  When I saw that I thought I was about to see someone trying to draw down on someone who already had a pistol somewhat at the ready.  Unlike the movies that almost never works out well for the person trying to draw.

/why would you rob a Dollar General?
//Especially first thing in the morning when the only money around is the $30 or so in/for change per register.


Or alternatively, this guy is very lucky that he hitched his pants up and reached around back behind him. The would be robber felt like he was dealing with a real badass, a wild west gunslinger type. There was no way that the robber was going to get the drop on Doc Holiday. "You don't wanna do this", Doc warned, and the robber realized he was in over his head. He's seen Tombstone.
 
2013-06-22 06:27:50 PM  

Recoil Therapy: The manager is VERY lucky that he didn't get blown away when he hitched up his pants & reached around back behind him.  When I saw that I thought I was about to see someone trying to draw down on someone who already had a pistol somewhat at the ready.  Unlike the movies that almost never works out well for the person trying to draw.

/why would you rob a Dollar General?
//Especially first thing in the morning when the only money around is the $30 or so in/for change per register.


heh heh, you said reached around.
 
2013-06-22 06:32:03 PM  
I wish I had the skills to photoshop a Jedi Jim Ed Brown.
 
2013-06-22 06:32:39 PM  
These  are the droids you're looking for.img.fark.net
 
2013-06-22 06:34:49 PM  

you are a puppet: Recoil Therapy: The manager is VERY lucky that he didn't get blown away when he hitched up his pants & reached around back behind him.  When I saw that I thought I was about to see someone trying to draw down on someone who already had a pistol somewhat at the ready.  Unlike the movies that almost never works out well for the person trying to draw.

/why would you rob a Dollar General?
//Especially first thing in the morning when the only money around is the $30 or so in/for change per register.

Or alternatively, this guy is very lucky that he hitched his pants up and reached around back behind him. The would be robber felt like he was dealing with a real badass, a wild west gunslinger type. There was no way that the robber was going to get the drop on Doc Holiday. "You don't wanna do this", Doc warned, and the robber realized he was in over his head. He's seen Tombstone.



I'm out of date on my street talk. Whats "I'll be your huckleberry" in current street talk?
 
2013-06-22 06:36:24 PM  
The dark side of the Force is the pathway to many  abilities some consider to be...unnatural..
 
2013-06-22 06:37:39 PM  
Done in one.

/Amazing the lack of CG muppets in that bar scene.

//Good thing he wasn't being robbed by a Toydarian or a Hutt.
 
2013-06-22 06:38:54 PM  
Does Dollar General even carry Death Sticks?
 
2013-06-22 06:42:30 PM  
I didn't take it as the manager saying it from a 'I'm a bad ass' perspective but more from a 'dude, you're going to f*ck your life up over 50 bucks' perspective.
 
2013-06-22 06:43:56 PM  

Moodybastard: I'm out of date on my street talk. Whats "I'll be your huckleberry" in current street talk?


urbandictionary.com has this:

huckleberry: An person who, owing to weakness other inferiority, is forced to become another person's biatch.
     Next time Craig talks shiat to me, I'm going to beat his little ass and make him my huckleberry.
 
2013-06-22 06:45:05 PM  

Slappajo: I didn't take it as the manager saying it from a 'I'm a bad ass' perspective but more from a 'dude, you're going to f*ck your life up over 50 bucks' perspective.


That's what makes him a farking Jedi.
 
2013-06-22 06:49:45 PM  
That dude has money arms
 
2013-06-22 06:52:46 PM  

Slappajo: I didn't take it as the manager saying it from a 'I'm a bad ass' perspective but more from a 'dude, you're going to f*ck your life up over 50 bucks' perspective.


Or made him reconsider: "What the hell is in a Dollar Store that I even want?"
 
2013-06-22 06:52:49 PM  
He should've backed it up, backed it up, backin up backin up.

/ Somebody's daddy didn't teach him good.
 
2013-06-22 06:55:22 PM  
FTA:

"Then he looks at me and he has his hand on the gun and he goes 'All right, I got you," Salzer said. He said the suspect turned and walked away behind the store.
"I honestly believe there is goodness in everybody," Salzer said. "I just wanted to look him in the eyes and say please don't to this."



You know, this comes off as the would-be robber not having a change of heart, but listening to sage advice.  As if Salzer were a plainclothes cop, or involved with organized crime.

"All right, I got you" sounds like an admittance that Salzer know's something that would get the robber in a world of shiat real fast, above and beyond what a typical robbery would get one into. "Like, aahh, I get it, I'll move along, go rob some other store."

But yeah, God and goodness in people...that's the reasonable explanation.  The guy had a life changing epiphany and is now doing missionary work in Zimbabwe.
 
2013-06-22 07:00:51 PM  

InternetSecurityGuard: Does Dollar General even carry Death Sticks?


Yes.

http://www.csnews.com/top-story-tobacco-dollar_general_sees_early_to ba cco_sales_as_promising-63076.html

Dollar General started carrying cigarettes in 2011 and has noted an increase in business from doing so.
 
2013-06-22 07:02:52 PM  
He didn't have goodness in him, he just saw that you weren't going to comply, and wasn't willing to kill you for a couple hundred bucks.
 
2013-06-22 07:08:45 PM  
Another autoplay video without some kind of farking warning...
 
2013-06-22 07:11:41 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2013-06-22 07:15:38 PM  
I'm getting a kick because a girl I know who worked at Dollar General went full ninja on a robber and got fired for her trouble.
 
2013-06-22 07:17:30 PM  
"I'm a manager at dollar general" sounds like a good way to open up a suicide note.
 
2013-06-22 07:26:45 PM  
i think the solution to prevent crime is just allow people to go to prison for free.  all they want is free food, and a roof above their head
 
2013-06-22 07:31:22 PM  
When improvising a reasoned argument with a newly hatched criminal, get best results by blocking their way, hiking up your pants and putting your hand behind your back and out of their line of sight. That's what I learned from the video.

/or not, and infinitely improve your odds.
 
2013-06-22 07:37:04 PM  

ModernLuddite: "I'm a manager at dollar general" sounds like a good way to open up a suicide note.


More like "I was a manager at Dollar General until...."
 
2013-06-22 07:40:14 PM  

Bit'O'Gristle: He didn't have goodness in him, he just saw that you weren't going to comply, and wasn't willing to kill you for a couple hundred bucks.


I think I'll believe the guy that faced down the gunman.
 
2013-06-22 07:43:05 PM  

Billy Bathsalt: Bit'O'Gristle: He didn't have goodness in him, he just saw that you weren't going to comply, and wasn't willing to kill you for a couple hundred bucks.

I think I'll believe the guy that faced down the gunman.


Praise Jesus!!1
 
2013-06-22 08:06:34 PM  

LesserEvil: I'm getting a kick because a girl I know who worked at Dollar General went full ninja on a robber and got fired for her trouble.


I do believe, although I could be mistaken, there's a difference between going ninja, and going jedi.
 
2013-06-22 08:06:44 PM  

Jon iz teh kewl: i think the solution to prevent crime is just allow people to go to prison for free.  all they want is free food, and a roof above their head


We have a guy in aouth florida who commits a crime every now and then to get healthcare. His latest "heist" was to rob a bank in order to go to prison so he could get heart surgery.
 
2013-06-22 08:13:25 PM  

Recoil Therapy: The manager is VERY lucky that he didn't get blown away when he hitched up his pants & reached around back behind him.  When I saw that I thought I was about to see someone trying to draw down on someone who already had a pistol somewhat at the ready.  Unlike the movies that almost never works out well for the person trying to draw.


Actually, it does.  An in depth analysis of an armed robbery shows that someone with concealed carry has enormous advantages over a robber, even when the robber has a brandished and cocked gun.  To start with, the robber's attention is all over the place, not just on the person being robbed, who just needs to figure out a moment to do just one thing, pull his gun and fire.  That is, the victim is focused, and can choose when to act, even when the robber is done and just wants to get out of there.

The robber doesn't know their victim has cc, or where.  And the robber wants to rob, not shoot, but the victim just wants to shoot.  The robber wants the victim to give him things of value, which he can either hand to the robber, that he might look at, or toss at the robber, that he will have to catch or stoop down to get.

Add to these things that robbers frequently use drugs and alcohol before robbing; and something known to police, that about 50% of the guns used in robberies are dysfunctional, either having no ammo, the wrong ammo, incorrectly loaded, gun malfunctioning or broken.

Word has gotten out to street criminals about the cc advantage, so much so that many are now initiating robberies with "cheap shot" attacks, to disable their victim before robbing them.  Thus situational awareness is just as important as concealed carry.
 
2013-06-22 08:24:34 PM  

Tumunga: LesserEvil: I'm getting a kick because a girl I know who worked at Dollar General went full ninja on a robber and got fired for her trouble.

I do believe, although I could be mistaken, there's a difference between going ninja, and going jedi.


True, but she thwarted the robbery attempt and the robber was arrested.
 
2013-06-22 08:24:58 PM  
So let's see how this goes...

The cops are looking for him...if they find him should they really charge him with anything?  I can see the "if he attempted it this time he'll definitely try it again" but in this instance he was like "yeah, I think I changed my mind."  Right now I'm kinda on the give the dude a break side.

At what point can you change you mind in a robbery and it not be a robbery?
 
2013-06-22 08:25:48 PM  
Dollar Colonel, give that clerk a field promotion!
 
2013-06-22 08:32:25 PM  
Digtriad?

oyster.ignimgs.com
 
2013-06-22 08:32:31 PM  
....aaaaaand was promptly fired.
 
2013-06-22 09:14:13 PM  

LesserEvil: Tumunga: LesserEvil: I'm getting a kick because a girl I know who worked at Dollar General went full ninja on a robber and got fired for her trouble.

I do believe, although I could be mistaken, there's a difference between going ninja, and going jedi.

True, but she thwarted the robbery attempt and the robber was arrested.


She should have Vulcan Mind-melded with the manager, and sucked all his memory away.
 
2013-06-22 09:42:17 PM  
I live in Southgate Mi, just south of Detroit. Around here they stick those anti-theft devices on the 70 cent slimjim sticks. true story
 
2013-06-22 10:25:42 PM  
First, who robs a store wearing sunglasses and no mask or anything?

If it didn't take such an idiot to not think to wear a mask or much of a disguise to rob the Dollar General I would think it might not be a good idea to try to look him in the eye...at least make the idiot think you didn't get a good enough look at him to describe him to the police.
 
m00
2013-06-22 11:48:15 PM  
"When I saw him with shades on, dark hat, a hoodie and with his hand on a gun and I hear it cocked, I knew he wasn't just walking by,"

The manager should be locked up for racism and discrimination. Just because someone has a hoodie, doesn't mean you can assume he's up to no good... maybe the so-called "criminal" just wanted to buy some skittles.
 
2013-06-23 01:07:31 AM  
This is when you whip out the Sig and cao him in both knees
 
2013-06-23 01:14:34 AM  

Clemkadidlefark: This is when you whip out the Sig and cao him in both knees


img.fark.net
 
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