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(Toronto Star)   "I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return"   (thestar.com) divider line 56
    More: Asinine, Sour Patch Kids, Miss Manners, Community Code of Conduct, The Spectator  
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16877 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jun 2013 at 5:15 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-06-19 05:38:39 PM  
11 votes:
I cover my plate at weddings.  I'm always sitting next to a fat guest who wants to steal my food.
2013-06-19 05:23:11 PM  
10 votes:
Laura disagrees. She chalks it up to cultural differences. She's Italian...

Don't pin this shiat on my people...
2013-06-19 05:31:18 PM  
9 votes:
My response:

Just a note to let you know some coont is using your email to send out rude messages.
2013-06-19 05:28:23 PM  
8 votes:
Well, at least they didn't include chocolate dicks in the gift basket.  That might have made things a whole lot worse.
2013-06-19 05:16:02 PM  
7 votes:
That's it... no more gay marriage. Sorry.
2013-06-19 05:33:50 PM  
5 votes:
Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"
2013-06-19 07:29:13 PM  
4 votes:
Dear Bride,

I'm not sure if this is the first dinner-party fundraiser you've held, but next time, you shouldn't confuse people by calling it a wedding.
2013-06-19 05:21:50 PM  
4 votes:
"Cover my plate"? Like pay for it? You invited me toots. Enjoy your toaster, I'll be at the bar drinking your booze.
2013-06-19 05:08:27 PM  
4 votes:
Kathy Mason and her boyfriend gifted a food basket to Laura (who declined to give her last name) and her bride. When Laura suggested Mason poll "normal functioning people" about her basket-giving blunder, Mason brought the question to The Spectator and the Burlington Mamas Facebook group, where it garnered more than 200 responses in less than 24 hours. Even those who agreed cash was a more appropriate gift thought the bride's reaction was rude.

You see conservatives! Gay married couples can be just as rude and petty as straight married couples! There is zero difference!

/What a biatch
2013-06-20 10:21:18 AM  
3 votes:

Worldwalker: If someone is a greedy Bridezilla or (what's the male equivalent?)


I'm lobbying for Groomera.
2013-06-19 06:24:11 PM  
3 votes:

orbister: ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.

Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?


Duh! Put it on the invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith
and
Mr. and Mrs. Mark Franklin Jones
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Mary Ann Smith
and
Edward Malcolm Jones

Your portion comes to $145.83, double that if plus one.
Gift should be of equal or greater value.
2013-06-19 05:23:53 PM  
3 votes:
Stop having wedding you inconsiderate mother farkers !! no one cares who you fark or who you live with.  I have better shiat to do with my weekends and vacation days and money than celebrate the fact that your game got so weak you had to settle down.
2013-06-19 05:23:43 PM  
3 votes:
You know, a creative couple would be able to turn that gift into quite an entertaining evening.  Shame on the bride for being boring.
2013-06-20 11:39:13 AM  
2 votes:

Worldwalker: If someone is a greedy Bridezilla or (what's the male equivalent?


Groomothra
2013-06-19 11:22:58 PM  
2 votes:
I want to point out to that snooty biatch that she thumbed her nose at "polite society" by hosting a wedding without a groom.
2013-06-19 09:23:21 PM  
2 votes:
But the important thing is, somewhere in Canada, two lucky guys just dodged a bullet.
2013-06-19 06:42:30 PM  
2 votes:

ShangriLlama: jst3p: orbister: ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.

Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?

Duh! Put it on the invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith
and
Mr. and Mrs. Mark Franklin Jones
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Mary Ann Smith
and
Edward Malcolm Jones
Your portion comes to $145.83, double that if plus one.
Gift should be of equal or greater value.

This is why your posts show up in lovely, cheery green


Better yet, instead of sending invitations sell tickets!


Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!
Be at the Northwest Weld County's most incredible event!
Food, Dancing, Drinks (pay bar)

And the bonding for life between
Frank Meltzner
and
Christine Stephens
!
Tickets are only $148.53!!!

___ Hell YES I want to go
  ___ I need 2 tickets to this party!!!
___ Not this time, but thanks!

2013-06-19 06:27:42 PM  
2 votes:
I suck at shopping, so I usually give gift cards to Willams Sonoma. If you can't find something you need or want there, you have no business existing in polite society, anyway.
2013-06-19 06:07:53 PM  
2 votes:

SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate.


That's nonsensical. How the f*ck do you know, ahead of time or afterward, how much your plate costs? And is that the cost of the food only, or does it include the cost of the whole party divided by how many guests there are?

I can't imagine the kind of brain someone has if they sit there opening wedding gifts and thinking, "OK, this costs $75 at Costco, but maybe they bought it at one of those boutique stores for $110. Or online for $60, but then we have to figure in the cost of shipping ... Gosh, I just don't know whether I should be offended by this one!"
2013-06-19 06:05:59 PM  
2 votes:
Next time you get married print the minimum expected gift amount on the invitation. Or you could sell invitations to family and friends. You could even charge a bit more at the door the day of the wedding.
2013-06-19 05:53:03 PM  
2 votes:

noitsnot: noitsnot: jst3p: noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.

No - we already have two houses' worth of shiat.  We don't need anymore shiat - we have to get rid of a bunch of it.  Just give money.  It's easy.  But no - you're gonna give me that third bread machine, aren't ya.

Actually for the last wedding I went to, the invites basically said "the bride and groom already have everything they need - this is their favorite charity, please donate to it if you would like to celebrate their union with a gift" or some similar verbiage.


"Human Fund" here I come.
2013-06-19 05:48:30 PM  
2 votes:

Englebert Slaptyback: cowgirl toffee

Tell her you want the candy back when the husband smartens up and gets a divorce.


Know how we can tell you didn't RTFA?


I CAN'T READ!  :,(
2013-06-19 05:32:05 PM  
2 votes:
Grammar Nazi seen firing up the furnaces of punctuation.
2013-06-19 05:30:01 PM  
2 votes:

Aidan: do some kind of tit-for-tat thing.



Hey, we both said "tit-for-tat" ... JINX!
2013-06-19 05:28:03 PM  
2 votes:

SphericalTime: Ugh, both sides are at fault.  Yeah, the bride is an insanely rude bastard, but a food basket?  Why not just a bottle of very nice wine?  Cheaper, more appropriate, and easy to buy almost anywhere.


thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.


WTF!?!?!?  You both have ANY sense of compassion for this bride?  FARK HER!!!  Hard, in the ass with a rusty pipe!  She invited people to her wedding, she chose to spend whatever amount she felt comfortable spending to celebrate her marriage.  For her to expect anything in return, other than well wishes and congratulations, especially from non-family, is about the rudest god damn thing ever.....Stupid whore needs to be  slapped with a farking truck.
2013-06-19 08:54:12 PM  
1 votes:

space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?


Meh, its changed over the years.

Wedding gifts used to be about getting a start in life, however, not wads of cash. It was more like "we're 19 and getting married. Party in the field behind my parents house. Moms making a ham, dad is out trying to hunt down some rabbits. We will need pots, pans, knives, bedding, and rugs for our new one-room house. thanks!"

Then, it slowly became "we're 25 and getting married. Party at the VFW hall. My uncle's restaurant is bringing the food. a bit of Cash is cool because we could use some gas money for our honeymoon to Niagra Falls"

Today, its "We're 36 and this is our second marriage each. We rented out a Victorian Mansion we saw on HGTV and got Gordon Ramsay to cook for us table side. Bring your credit cards."
2013-06-19 08:53:00 PM  
1 votes:

teenytinycornteeth: Sid_6.7: teenytinycornteeth: OOO! You have everyone all figured out. So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"? It is possible for people filled with love and sincerity to host a large wedding and still have it be meaningful and memorable. I, too have been married for nearly 20 years and I wouldn't change one thing about my wedding.

It's possible, but for the vast majority of people, the cost/benefit analysis is waaay off. I have a friend who got married. They spent $4k on a dress, $4k on a cake, probably $10k for the venue with food and everything.

They still live in the basement of the father in law's house. I think they spent more on invitations than we spent on our entire wedding.

My wife and I are just as married, and probably at least as happy.

Fine. But to say that anyone who doesn't just throw a picnic in their backyard is "exercise in selfishness and greed" and "putting on a performance" is a touch unfair. LIke I said above, I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding because I'd always dreamed of a big wedding. It doesn't mean that we're not happy or in love or selfish or any of those assumptions.  Not spending a ton of cash doesn't automatically make your marriage or your love more sincere or "real".


No judgement, but if I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding, I would have used that money as a down payment on a house and held the wedding in the backyard.
2013-06-19 08:39:37 PM  
1 votes:
Hmm...two women marrying each other complaining because something wasn't done in the same way that "normal, functioning people" would do it.

That's irony.
2013-06-19 08:08:24 PM  
1 votes:
OregonVet:
/other things banned included Bob Seger and the stupid garter ritual (although she did throw the flowers thing)

I have no idea why you banned him or what, if anything, he has to do with weddings in general, but I now have a mental image of Bob Seger banging on the door of your wedding venue before bursting into tears and doing the Slow Slide Down the Wall as he howls, "Why won't you let me innnnn!"
2013-06-19 07:47:55 PM  
1 votes:

jst3p: Better yet, instead of sending invitations sell tickets!


Came here to say this.  If you expect your guests to "cover their plates", just be upfront about it and send instructions with the RSVP on how to "confirm their seats" via PayPal.  Hell, even have tiers like a Kickstarter project - have a VIP table with bottle service for covering the plate times three, and for the top four highest givers, allow them to sit at the same table alongside the bride and groom along with custom wedding gifts.

As for a cultural mismatch, that's absolutely okay so along as it doesn't escalate to an Internet pissing match.  I give the advantage to the bride(s) since they're not the ones who brought this to the attention of the masses, even though their response to the gift was snippy and trashy.
2013-06-19 07:19:27 PM  
1 votes:

Pray 4 Mojo: Just wondering... what's the proper term for a gluten intolerant lesbian?

Lesbiac?

Celian?

Celyke?


Apparently, the proper term is biatchy pain in the ass
2013-06-19 06:54:41 PM  
1 votes:
That gift was original, and awesome.  Nobody is ever going to remember who got them the champagne flutes or $100.  But the basket full of candy and marshmallow goo will stick in your memory forever.  Top score.
2013-06-19 06:36:08 PM  
1 votes:

Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.

But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.

Actually, asking for anything other than somebody's presence in an invitation is rude. There should be no mention whatsoever of gifts in an invitation. It's an invitation. You're supposed to be inviting people to share your special day. Not hitting them up for stuff. The gift thing is a tradition. Now, technically, guests don't have to give a gift. But most people do. As I've mentioned previously, I've given gift cards. Technically the same as money, I guess. But if somebody were to ask directly for money, I'd probably politely decline their invitation. Problem solved. I don't have to feel like I'm being asked to give money to somebody for changing their marital status and they don't have to feel put out because I didn't "cover my plate." Everybody's happy.


I don't disagree with you, but given that it's a cultural expectation to bring a gift to a wedding, what is the harm in making known that you would appreciate cash instead of a physical present? I give cash every time I go to weddings. I don't feel hit up by it, I'd rather do that then have to track down some stupid wall clock that the bride picked out.


I'd appreciate some cash, too. I think I'll throw a party for my next birthday, and mention on the invitation that I'd like money in lieu of gifts. I mean, I have plenty of stuff already. What I really need is money. I have a job, but I'm sure my friends and relatives would have no problem contributing to my bank account.
2013-06-19 06:34:15 PM  
1 votes:

costermonger: Who said anything about advance? I thought you were supposed to mentally estimate a tab throughout the evening and then add/subtract a tip based on the amount of cleavage the bride is showing.


When there are two brides do you do it on total boobage or geometric mean?
2013-06-19 06:30:03 PM  
1 votes:
I know this is fake because two girls can't get married. Duh.
2013-06-19 06:28:56 PM  
1 votes:
digitalrain:
CSB time...

When Mr. Digitalrain and I were getting married, a few days before the wedding we went to
the mall so my dad, fiance, and son could get final fittings. While we were there, this really
cute blonde and her boyfriend were there (it was prom season and he was getting his tux).

My son, who was 5 at the time and in his tux, goes up to the little blonde and starts chatting
her up. When we got ready to go, my son looks at my and my fiance and says, "Can we
take her home with us?"

Everybody laughed and even the blonde's boyfriend ruffled my son's hair and told him that
he was "gonna go far".

/ end CSB

I hate when five year olds have more game than me. :(
2013-06-19 06:21:59 PM  
1 votes:

orbister: ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.

Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?


Who said anything about advance? I thought you were supposed to mentally estimate a tab throughout the evening and then add/subtract a tip based on the amount of cleavage the bride is showing.
2013-06-19 06:16:50 PM  
1 votes:

number_man: "fark you...I hope you choke a little on the food...and guess which is tainted with gluten...I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."


Is it the biscuits?

I bet it's the biscuits.
2013-06-19 06:14:30 PM  
1 votes:

MemeSlave: MadAzza: What a farking coont.

My now-ex and I got married on the beach in Kailua, near our house. We were delighted to have a few friends and our families there, most of whom had to fly from the mainland.

Nobody cares that you live in Hawaii.


Apparently, you do.
2013-06-19 06:08:12 PM  
1 votes:
i wonder who was responsible for tipping the bartender and whether or not they will both be artificially inseminated by gay men with any resulting boys being circumised.
2013-06-19 06:00:38 PM  
1 votes:
So this is why the homogays have been pushing for marriage? Because they wanted to make it a money making venture? CHRIST, wasn't it enough to have a monopoly on wedding planning, decorating, and styling the brides? They want the money on both ends.

Jeez, this is like my dad selling condoms with holes poked in them to sailors, and my mom performed abortions.My, how the money rolled in.
2013-06-19 05:58:36 PM  
1 votes:
Damn these stupid breeders!!!
2013-06-19 05:56:40 PM  
1 votes:
tackyweddings.files.wordpress.com
2013-06-19 05:40:32 PM  
1 votes:

number_man: My response:

"fark you...I hope you choke a little on the food...and guess which is tainted with gluten...I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."

But honestly, they sound American.


Nope.  Wedding took place in Hamilton, Ontario, and the newlyweds are Italian and Croatian, according to TFA.  But hey, thanks for assuming all Americans are rude assholes.

/we're not
//just the ones that post on Fark
///if I were the gift giver, my response would be brought to them by the letters G, F, and Y.
2013-06-19 05:39:50 PM  
1 votes:

JonZoidberg: thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.

I would feel it's bad form to ask how much that would be.  If I knew I'd need to pony up more than $200 in gifts, I'd probably find a reason not to go even it it was one of my best friends.

/got measured for a best-man tux this week


Congrats on the best man gig!

CSB time...

When Mr. Digitalrain and I were getting married, a few days before the wedding we went to
the mall so my dad, fiance, and son could get final fittings. While we were there, this really
cute blonde and her boyfriend were there (it was prom season and he was getting his tux).

My son, who was 5 at the time and in his tux, goes up to the little blonde and starts chatting
her up. When we got ready to go, my son looks at my and my fiance and says, "Can we
take her home with us?"

Everybody laughed and even the blonde's boyfriend ruffled my son's hair and told him that
he was "gonna go far".

/ end CSB
2013-06-19 05:36:49 PM  
1 votes:
She should have counted her blessings.  My go-to wedding gift is miniature shellacked french fry refrigerator magnets.

(Yes they do exist and no I am not kidding.)
2013-06-19 05:34:23 PM  
1 votes:

ExcaliburPrime111


Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent. I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well. The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.


And here I was thinking that the choice of gift would be based on the relationship the invitee had with the inviter, not based on what the invitee calculated was fair market value for his portion of the wedding and the reception. Should the gift also include a tip?

:-|
2013-06-19 05:33:08 PM  
1 votes:
man, i'm really starting to hate weddings.

here's some advice to people about to get married:

1) nobody cares and nobody wants to be there.  we like you, but find this ceremony to be little more than a wasted weekend.

2) don't spending too much money on weddings, everyone will have more fun.

/ i've never given cash for a wedding.  i just check to see where the people registered and buy them what they asked for.  hopefully online, so i don't have to lug anything around, or learn that it was stolen from the venue.  (happened at a friend's wedding.  some 12 year old kid stole all the envelopes of money).  also, shipping to the married people is infinitely easier for them too.
// if someone send me a letter complaining about my gift, or lack thereof.  i would pat myself on the back for not spending more money on a douchebag.   it's like when you don't give a homeless person money, and they yell at you, and you think, well, now I'm really glad I didn't give you any charity
2013-06-19 05:28:57 PM  
1 votes:
Why didn't they charge admission to the wedding? Would have saved some trouble.
2013-06-19 05:27:38 PM  
1 votes:
I'll probably never wind up getting married (so, so alone...), but if I did I would want to specifically forbid presents.  A wedding is a celebration of joining, not a cash grab.  No one should feel compelled to ante up to join the party.
2013-06-19 05:25:11 PM  
1 votes:
FTFA: She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hall.

Holy sh*t! Horrible rudeness aside, people are absolutely insane when it comes to shelling out thousands for the spectacle that weddings have become.

Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.
2013-06-19 05:24:53 PM  
1 votes:
yeah & i bet you wore a white wedding dress too!
2013-06-19 05:24:43 PM  
1 votes:
My response:

"fark you...I hope you choke a little on the food...and guess which is tainted with gluten...I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."

But honestly, they sound American.
2013-06-19 05:24:19 PM  
1 votes:
The bride(s) could use a good coontpunch.
2013-06-19 05:22:57 PM  
1 votes:
<i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?
2013-06-19 05:00:53 PM  
1 votes:
Well, it's the thought bottom line that counts.
 
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