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(Toronto Star)   "I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return"   (thestar.com) divider line 134
    More: Asinine, Sour Patch Kids, Miss Manners, Community Code of Conduct, The Spectator  
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16863 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jun 2013 at 5:15 PM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
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Archived thread
2013-06-19 05:23:51 PM
14 votes:
If you can't afford to throw a party for $34,000, don't pay that much for your reception.  It's really that simple.  Expecting to recoup the costs via cash gifts from your guests is as stupid as it is rude.
2013-06-19 05:20:32 PM
13 votes:
Wow.  Those brides are assholes.  And laughing at the gift and pointing it out to others?

You don't throw a wedding to break even / make money / turn a profit.  What the hell.
2013-06-19 05:22:57 PM
11 votes:
<i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?
2013-06-19 05:21:08 PM
11 votes:

She says Mason's gift was the laughingstock of the wedding. At a post-wedding pool party the next day, friends and family stopped by the living room to get a look at the basket that's still on display in their home.


"Laughingstock"? Really? It sounds like the brides' friends and family are also rude and petty. How marvelous.
2013-06-19 05:22:47 PM
9 votes:
Wow, what a tremendous biatch. It may not be the best present ever, but if the wedding is just a ruse to get people to pay you for a party then you're singularly farking stupid.
2013-06-19 05:21:50 PM
9 votes:
"Cover my plate"? Like pay for it? You invited me toots. Enjoy your toaster, I'll be at the bar drinking your booze.
2013-06-19 05:20:56 PM
9 votes:
Yeesh.  I couldn't imagine having TWO bridezillas.

If you throw a wedding - don't expect any gifts in return.  If you feel you would be shorted/upset if you had to pay for someone's meal and they didn't give you anything - don't invite them!  It probably isn't worth having them there anyway!
2013-06-19 05:38:34 PM
8 votes:
When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash.  We weren't expecting that.  We just wanted to have a great party with our family and friends.

I've never heard that "the purpose of a wedding is to make money."  Laura sounds like a horrible person.
2013-06-19 05:37:31 PM
8 votes:

The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...


Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.
2013-06-19 05:24:40 PM
8 votes:

space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?


That one got me, too.  I can't help but think this is a horrible person, and nothing in the article dissuades me from that conclusion.
2013-06-19 05:38:57 PM
7 votes:

The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.


It's outrageously rude to mention anything about gifts or registries period. It's begging and it's tasteless.
2013-06-19 05:32:29 PM
7 votes:
I was brought up in the tradition that accepting the gift honors the giver. I truly and fully do not comprehend this sense of material entitlement. If you did not think your gathering would be enhanced by my simple presence why bother to invite me? If I bring any gift at all that's a bonus. You should be thankful I even showed up.
2013-06-19 06:00:15 PM
6 votes:
People who attend your wedding are your guests.  Guests should be expected to pay nothing for your invitation to spend their time celebrating your happy occasion.
2013-06-19 05:33:34 PM
6 votes:

SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate.   Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one.  Moreover, in many cultures, it's an insult NOT to invite people.  So, if you're invited, either don't RSVP, or cover your plate.


Seriously? When did this "cover your plate" crap start? I'm giving the same gift whether the reception is at a five star hotel or the local pizza joint.  Hell, I'd probably give a little more to the couple having the reception at the pizza joint, feeling they could really use the money vs the fools blowing $30k.
2013-06-19 05:32:40 PM
6 votes:

SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate.   Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one.  Moreover, in many cultures, it's an insult NOT to invite people.  So, if you're invited, either don't RSVP, or cover your plate.


For any other party the people that throw the party pay for the party. A wedding is no different.
2013-06-19 05:26:20 PM
6 votes:
Yeesh, what an awful human. She seems to have invited people to her wedding simply to extort money from them.
2013-06-19 05:26:10 PM
6 votes:

SphericalTime: Ugh, both sides are at fault.  Yeah, the bride is an insanely rude bastard, but a food basket?  Why not just a bottle of very nice wine?  Cheaper, more appropriate, and easy to buy almost anywhere.


I'm not sure I agree that both sides are at fault - if the guests thought that some fun salsas, etc. along with a card about life together being delicious was a nice gesture, why would a bottle of wine be a better one?  The bride's problem here was that the guests didn't give her money.  It's not like she would have been happier with a bottle of wine, she wanted cash to cover the cost of the wedding she couldn't afford.

I pity the woman this woman is married to, although it sounds like the bride's friends and family are all a**holes as well, so they probably deserve each other.
2013-06-19 05:05:49 PM
6 votes:
Ugh, both sides are at fault.  Yeah, the bride is an insanely rude bastard, but a food basket?  Why not just a bottle of very nice wine?  Cheaper, more appropriate, and easy to buy almost anywhere.
2013-06-19 05:49:55 PM
5 votes:

noitsnot: jst3p: noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.

No - we already have two houses' worth of shiat.  We don't need anymore shiat - we have to get rid of a bunch of it.  Just give money.  It's easy.  But no - you're gonna give me that third bread machine, aren't ya.


If you don't need anything why are you expecting a gift?
Did you give me back the gift I gave you at your last marriage that failed? How many wedding gifts am I expected to give an individual over a lifetime?
2013-06-19 05:35:28 PM
5 votes:
"Cover your plate" is concept unheard of where I come from. Some people are raised by wolves.
2013-06-19 05:25:12 PM
5 votes:
See, now, this has an obvious solution: print out the bride's text, wipe your ass with it, and send it to her in a very nice envelope, since she apparently expected something in an envelope.

Or just tell her to go fark herself.

Having said all that, I think even I could have come up with a better present than a basket full of food. Gift card to Bed, Bath & Beyond or Home Depot. Monogrammed towels. Gift certificate for couple's massage at a spa. Something somewhat thoughtful.

But this expecting envelopes with money in them as a wedding present bullshiat has got to stop. I don't care if some "cultures" do it, it's tacky as shiat. If you want money, get a farking second job. I know a bride who got 3 jobs to pay off her bills. If you can't afford your big gigantic wedding, cut some shiat out of it. The guests aren't obligated to subsidize it.
2013-06-19 05:25:11 PM
5 votes:
FTFA: She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hall.

Holy sh*t! Horrible rudeness aside, people are absolutely insane when it comes to shelling out thousands for the spectacle that weddings have become.

Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.
2013-06-19 05:23:31 PM
5 votes:

thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.


I would feel it's bad form to ask how much that would be.  If I knew I'd need to pony up more than $200 in gifts, I'd probably find a reason not to go even it it was one of my best friends.

/got measured for a best-man tux this week
2013-06-19 05:23:11 PM
5 votes:
Laura disagrees. She chalks it up to cultural differences. She's Italian...

Don't pin this shiat on my people...
2013-06-19 06:13:31 PM
4 votes:

swfan: NotoriousW.O.P: Laura disagrees. She chalks it up to cultural differences. She's Italian...

Don't pin this shiat on my people...

Seriously, my take away from the whole thing is, "I had better not go to an Italian wedding, because I clearly have no idea what's expected!"  Glad to know my clumsy stereotyping was way out of line.

The gift was kind of cheesy, but somebody better be a relative or very close friend of mine for me to give $150+ at their wedding.  My scale (in Denver, CO) would be: $50 to an acquaintance, $100 to a coworker / friend, $200 to family / close friend.


What a dumb coont. First: The bride's parents pay for a traditional Italian wedding. So either they don't like you being the ghey or they don't have the money, but you have already failed the, "I'm Italian and that's the way it always is" test.

Second: It is "traditional" at Italian weddings for older (financially established) family members or close friends of family to give the couple money to "get started". It should not be expected (nor requested) of casual acquaintances or peers of the couples age. That's what the Dollar Dance is for.
2013-06-19 06:00:33 PM
4 votes:

Patronick313: A lot of supposed "wedding etiquette" has taken me by surprise, but I'll confirm that everything I hear from family, friends and wedding planners leads me to believe that "covering the plate" is generally the norm in America.


Except that nowadays they spend so much on weddings that covering the plate can be a lot more than you think it is.

If you need to rely on people "covering the plate" in order to throw your wedding then you need to have a less expensive wedding.
2013-06-19 05:35:56 PM
4 votes:
Granted I don't go to many weddings, but I have never given money, nor have I seen many others do it.  If I was told up front that they were expecting money and "the purpose of a wedding is to make money", I would immediately write them off as friends and as Human beings.
2013-06-19 05:34:23 PM
4 votes:

ExcaliburPrime111


Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent. I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well. The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.


And here I was thinking that the choice of gift would be based on the relationship the invitee had with the inviter, not based on what the invitee calculated was fair market value for his portion of the wedding and the reception. Should the gift also include a tip?

:-|
2013-06-19 05:28:03 PM
4 votes:

SphericalTime: Ugh, both sides are at fault.  Yeah, the bride is an insanely rude bastard, but a food basket?  Why not just a bottle of very nice wine?  Cheaper, more appropriate, and easy to buy almost anywhere.


thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.


WTF!?!?!?  You both have ANY sense of compassion for this bride?  FARK HER!!!  Hard, in the ass with a rusty pipe!  She invited people to her wedding, she chose to spend whatever amount she felt comfortable spending to celebrate her marriage.  For her to expect anything in return, other than well wishes and congratulations, especially from non-family, is about the rudest god damn thing ever.....Stupid whore needs to be  slapped with a farking truck.
2013-06-19 05:26:51 PM
4 votes:
Honestly that was a tacky gift. However as tacky as it was, the rudeness in response was astoundingly demonstrative of poor manners, etiquette and downright bad behavior. I, and my wife for that matter, have gotten some gifts along those lines over the years from various family for various occasions. You may laugh about it in private but in public and to that person you smile and thank them, then never ever bring it up again.
2013-06-19 05:24:19 PM
4 votes:
The bride(s) could use a good coontpunch.
2013-06-19 05:23:43 PM
4 votes:
You know, a creative couple would be able to turn that gift into quite an entertaining evening.  Shame on the bride for being boring.
2013-06-19 05:23:05 PM
4 votes:
Seriously? What kind of a coont demands money?  This biatch deserves to be slapped!
2013-06-19 05:19:17 PM
4 votes:
I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.
2013-06-19 07:29:13 PM
3 votes:
Dear Bride,

I'm not sure if this is the first dinner-party fundraiser you've held, but next time, you shouldn't confuse people by calling it a wedding.
2013-06-19 06:32:43 PM
3 votes:
The bride's a selfish ass, plain and simple. I told my wedding guests that I didn't expect gifts - they were guests, there to attend our wedding. Some folks brought small gifts. Some folks didn't bring gifts. The "gift" was that they were there, in person, to see us get married, and I was quite grateful for the turnout and shared experience.

The only "social etiquette" violated by the gift-givers was not knowing that the bride was a selfish ass that saw her wedding as a damned transaction, and that she expected to be recouped, one way or another, for her costs. Fark her.
2013-06-19 06:03:18 PM
3 votes:

The sound of one hand clapping: TheDumbBlonde: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.

It's outrageously rude to mention anything about gifts or registries period. It's begging and it's tasteless.

Ah, fair enough.  Seems the general consensus is that it is rude then.  I guess that wouldn't have been a good idea for them either.

I've actually had a couple of wedding invitations that had this on the card.  Didn't seem rude to me at the time but being a single guy it's not like weddings are something that interest me much.


The correct term for people who ask for money are "panhandlers." Or possibly "a charity."

If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.
2013-06-19 05:49:52 PM
3 votes:
Attention people who are getting married.  Your wedding is for you, not anyone else.  You are throwing yourself your own party in your own honor.  To expect anyone else to pick up any part of that tab is beyond ridiculous.  Now most people will bring a gift because that is the socially acceptable thing to do.  But unless your invitation specifically states that you must bring a gift to attend and furthermore includes a minimum amount for the gift then consider yourself lucky to get what you do.
2013-06-19 05:33:50 PM
3 votes:
Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"
2013-06-19 05:31:18 PM
3 votes:
My response:

Just a note to let you know some coont is using your email to send out rude messages.
2013-06-19 05:28:40 PM
3 votes:

Huck Chaser: If you can't afford to throw a party for $34,000, don't pay that much for your reception.  It's really that simple.  Expecting to recoup the costs via cash gifts from your guests is as stupid as it is rude.


Pretty much this.  9 months to plan your wedding, and what?  9 hours to plan your marriage?
$34,000 could be put to so much better use.
2013-06-19 05:26:35 PM
3 votes:
If I ever get married, which is unlikely, I expect my guests to show up, have a good time, and not make complete asses of themselves. Nothing more.
2013-06-19 05:23:53 PM
3 votes:
Stop having wedding you inconsiderate mother farkers !! no one cares who you fark or who you live with.  I have better shiat to do with my weekends and vacation days and money than celebrate the fact that your game got so weak you had to settle down.
2013-06-20 04:01:35 AM
2 votes:

Shahab: The people who gave that gift though... I mean a janky basket with some candy in it? That is not an appropriate wedding gift.


Why not?
2013-06-20 03:06:06 AM
2 votes:
You don't charge admission for a wedding.  If you do, you get customers instead of friends and family.  If you want your friends and family at your wedding, you should make it easy for them to be there.  If they are rich and want to "cover their plate" as their gift to you, that's really nice, but excluding (or ridiculing) those who can't is going to make for a wedding without any soul or real joy.
2013-06-20 01:50:16 AM
2 votes:

Doem: Tis a shiatty gift. you cant tell me that at some point they werent putting that together and thinking "wow what a shiatty gift."


It didn't only contain gummy bears and puffy stuff, but high priced biscotti, chocolate and other things that equates to a big basket of comfort food and road trip snacks for the honeymoon.  There is something wrong or shiatty with providing a newly married couple a big basket of comfort food as a wedding gift?  How can you be against giving friends comfort?  As well as some quick kinky ideas.

Well intentioned thought went into that gift.
2013-06-20 12:13:42 AM
2 votes:

ExcaliburPrime111: The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.


And they have spent not one red cent "hosting" me because they are supposed to be celebrating their union, that's the purpose of the whole get together.  The day is all about them, not about me and what they're serving me.  I am there to see them take their vows, be a witness to their love and commitment to each other.

The rest is their choice, if they want to throw their money at me in the form of food and booze, that's fine.  But to demand that I pay for it in gifts is ludicrous and this "tradition" needs to be nipped in the bud.  These bride magazines and reality shows that shove this nonsense down our throats should be seen for what they really are.  The greedy industry making greedy women even more demanding.

If my daughter ever gets married, she'll be as smart as we were about it. Small wedding, a few friends, good, homemade food and lots of wine/champagne.  Our marriage has outlasted most of those ridiculously large weddings where the bride was in tears because one little thing went wrong, or the groom got so far into debt he hated the bride even before they said their vows.

Keep it simple; it's about love and commitment, not who spends the most on you.

BTW, that gift basket didn't only have candy in it.  It had a lot of great food items and probably cost between $50 and $75.  For an acquaintance, it's a decent gift.  And if the brides had thought about it, they could have gotten a great meal and some fun afterwards out of that basket, plus had a nice little storage container.
2013-06-19 11:40:48 PM
2 votes:
I have a pro-tip: if money is an issue, don't have a $100/plate reception.
2013-06-19 10:58:34 PM
2 votes:

Magnanimous_J: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.


I agree with you. My girlfriend and I already lived alone before we moved in together and now have 2 blenders, 2 knife sets, etc. The last thing in the world we need is stuff for the house. I ran the idea by her to just ask for money and she looked at me with horror, like I'd suggested charging for admission. She actually said we should register for gifts we don't need and then return them. What the hell is the point of that? Why make someone drive across town for a present we don't want when they would probably be happier writing a check?


It's funny that your name is Magnanimous. You have everything you need and yet you still want your friends and acquaintances to pay for your vacation.
2013-06-19 10:48:42 PM
2 votes:

noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.


Somebody probably already beat me to this, but if a couple already has everything they need, that's when they make it clear that they request only the honor of your presence. A honeymoon is not an appropriate request. Older couples or twice-marrieds who have everything they need should throw a nice party for their guests and call it a day.
2013-06-19 08:54:12 PM
2 votes:

space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?


Meh, its changed over the years.

Wedding gifts used to be about getting a start in life, however, not wads of cash. It was more like "we're 19 and getting married. Party in the field behind my parents house. Moms making a ham, dad is out trying to hunt down some rabbits. We will need pots, pans, knives, bedding, and rugs for our new one-room house. thanks!"

Then, it slowly became "we're 25 and getting married. Party at the VFW hall. My uncle's restaurant is bringing the food. a bit of Cash is cool because we could use some gas money for our honeymoon to Niagra Falls"

Today, its "We're 36 and this is our second marriage each. We rented out a Victorian Mansion we saw on HGTV and got Gordon Ramsay to cook for us table side. Bring your credit cards."
2013-06-19 08:53:00 PM
2 votes:

teenytinycornteeth: Sid_6.7: teenytinycornteeth: OOO! You have everyone all figured out. So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"? It is possible for people filled with love and sincerity to host a large wedding and still have it be meaningful and memorable. I, too have been married for nearly 20 years and I wouldn't change one thing about my wedding.

It's possible, but for the vast majority of people, the cost/benefit analysis is waaay off. I have a friend who got married. They spent $4k on a dress, $4k on a cake, probably $10k for the venue with food and everything.

They still live in the basement of the father in law's house. I think they spent more on invitations than we spent on our entire wedding.

My wife and I are just as married, and probably at least as happy.

Fine. But to say that anyone who doesn't just throw a picnic in their backyard is "exercise in selfishness and greed" and "putting on a performance" is a touch unfair. LIke I said above, I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding because I'd always dreamed of a big wedding. It doesn't mean that we're not happy or in love or selfish or any of those assumptions.  Not spending a ton of cash doesn't automatically make your marriage or your love more sincere or "real".


No judgement, but if I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding, I would have used that money as a down payment on a house and held the wedding in the backyard.
2013-06-19 08:30:29 PM
2 votes:
An old tradition in my family is to give the bride and groom a year's worth of dry goods - 1 giant bag of rice, big bag of beans, powdered milk etc.  The idea being that whatever else the couple goes through that first year, they won't go hungry.  I find that quite touching, but such a thing would be laughed out of modern gift giving.
2013-06-19 06:27:49 PM
2 votes:
If you want me to cover the cost of the dinner then tell me in the invitation so I can tell you to get lost, I am supposed to be a guest not a profit center
2013-06-19 06:27:42 PM
2 votes:
I suck at shopping, so I usually give gift cards to Willams Sonoma. If you can't find something you need or want there, you have no business existing in polite society, anyway.
2013-06-19 06:15:42 PM
2 votes:

kim jong-un: The sound of one hand clapping: TheDumbBlonde: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.

It's outrageously rude to mention anything about gifts or registries period. It's begging and it's tasteless.

Ah, fair enough.  Seems the general consensus is that it is rude then.  I guess that wouldn't have been a good idea for them either.

I've actually had a couple of wedding invitations that had this on the card.  Didn't seem rude to me at the time but being a single guy it's not like weddings are something that interest me much.

My wife and I didn't mention the registry, but I actually like it being there because I hate doing the "where are they registered grapevine game"

One non tacky way to advertise the registry is to setup a wedding info website and put the registry info there. Then you can send the website address in the invitation. Just keep the registry info off the landing page and tastefully positioned (like a additional info tab).


Makes sense.

A registry should be so if people want to get you a gift they can be assured it's a gift they know you'll use and you don't get a third coffee maker. If you do it online you can set it up so people can indicate what they are planning to buy so it gets crossed off the list. A polite host should expect nothing however. That's what makes them gifts.
2013-06-19 06:08:41 PM
2 votes:

Patronick313: Getting married in October and I have little to do with planning anything (except input on the food, cake, and honeymoon destination - you know, the important shiat).

A lot of supposed "wedding etiquette" has taken me by surprise, but I'll confirm that everything I hear from family, friends and wedding planners leads me to believe that "covering the plate" is generally the norm in America. Not that I care or have even thought about it till I read this whining biatch bag's story, but it seems everyone (except me?) seemed to know this information going in. Whatevs.

My questions would be 1) how in the name of baby jesus did you get to $200 a person? Were they having gold crusted steak stuffed with Fabrege eggs? We have a four hour open bar and choice of prime rib or some chicken dish the future Mrs. Patronick313 loved at the tasting and it's not even close to 100 a person. That just seems insane. And 2) In what universe does scolding a wedding guest not just make you feel like a completely ungrateful super coont?  If I were her family I'd be humiliated. The lack of class this couple showed was just weapons grade. You write a thank you, tell them you loved it and should be grateful they choose to spend their time and money on your special day.


Covering the plate is not the norm. A gift is customary but 'covering the plate' is not why you give it, or how you determine how much to spend on it.
2013-06-19 05:55:33 PM
2 votes:
I don't even bother with registries.  If I'm going to a wedding, it's because either the bride or the groom is a friend of mine.  If you're a friend of mine, I know you, and I know what you like/need for your life together.

If I don't consider someone a good friend, and I need to look up a registry for a gift, I'm not going to the wedding.
2013-06-19 05:52:52 PM
2 votes:

TheDumbBlonde: "Cover your plate" is concept unheard of where I come from. Some people are raised by wolves.


It's what people who view weddings as profit centers think. And they are trying to convince the rest of us that we're the idiots. Idiots who think that funding someone else's wedding and/or honeymoon and/or first house is an "honor."
2013-06-19 05:42:43 PM
2 votes:
I just tick the box that says Will Not Attend and I never have to think about a gift
2013-06-19 05:42:12 PM
2 votes:

Englebert Slaptyback: She says Mason's gift was the laughingstock of the wedding. At a post-wedding pool party the next day, friends and family stopped by the living room to get a look at the basket that's still on display in their home.


"Laughingstock"? Really? It sounds like the brides' friends and family are also rude and petty. How marvelous.


In fairness, this was one of the brides was claiming it's a laughingstock.  My guess is that the guests at the pool party were awkwardly laughing and thinking about how superficial the bride was as she ranted about the gift and made a showpiece of it.
2013-06-19 05:38:24 PM
2 votes:

The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.


Sounds more a way to make sure no one attends the wedding.
2013-06-19 05:34:11 PM
2 votes:

rocky_howard: Weddings are among the stupidest traditions we have.

2013-06-19 05:31:30 PM
2 votes:
You're not really paying $100 a plate, are you?  I don't know much about how these things work, but if a wedding costs you $100 per attendee, then that's covering the party and everything as well, right?  So it's more like you paid $100 for someone to have a party experience, not that the steak itself was $100.

Whatever.  Bride's an asshole.  If she's insisting that everyone else gave at least $150, does that mean no broke people allowed?
2013-06-19 05:29:35 PM
2 votes:
The Mrs. and I got married in graduate school, so we didn't expect (or get) much from like half our guests. We didn't care, we were happy our friends and family were out for our big day and had fun. Who the hell does a wedding to turn a profit? And buys steak and spends $30,000? These brides completely missed the point. A gift basket of food is actually kind of thoughtful, like something to snack on for your honeymoon or something.

"Pretty greedy, gays"
-Dmitri Martin
2013-06-19 05:28:57 PM
2 votes:
Why didn't they charge admission to the wedding? Would have saved some trouble.
2013-06-19 05:28:43 PM
2 votes:
I've never even heard of someone thinking they should profit from a wedding. Have any of you?
2013-06-19 05:28:13 PM
2 votes:

NotoriousW.O.P: Laura disagrees. She chalks it up to cultural differences. She's Italian...

Don't pin this shiat on my people...


Seriously, my take away from the whole thing is, "I had better not go to an Italian wedding, because I clearly have no idea what's expected!"  Glad to know my clumsy stereotyping was way out of line.

The gift was kind of cheesy, but somebody better be a relative or very close friend of mine for me to give $150+ at their wedding.  My scale (in Denver, CO) would be: $50 to an acquaintance, $100 to a coworker / friend, $200 to family / close friend.
2013-06-19 05:27:43 PM
2 votes:
Perhaps the gift-givers couldn't afford to spend $200 on those money-grubbing, unappreciative biatches. Besides, gift baskets tend to be overpriced. The one pictured could have cost $50 or more.
2013-06-19 05:27:21 PM
2 votes:
What a farking coont.

My now-ex and I got married on the beach in Kailua, near our house. We were delighted to have a few friends and our families there, most of whom had to fly from the mainland.

I couldn't have cared less if we'd received no gifts, and can't imagine seeing our wedding as a tit-for-tat (calm down) affair.

"Laura" needs to be schooled in proper bridal comportment.
2013-06-19 05:25:55 PM
2 votes:
When Mr Mafiageek1980 and I got married a couple of years ago, we didn't care if we got gifts or not because we were about to move anyway (from Odessa, to Austin). Needless to say, the gifts we got we are still using today (a flask, vegan cookbook, picture frames, candles, etc). We kept it small and fun for EVERYONE (we got drunk and went bowling after the reception). I don't get the whole "Bridezilla" thing. Hell, aren't weddings supposed to be about a union of two people and celebration?

/btw, I would have LOVED if someone got us that gift basket, thank you very much!
2013-06-19 05:24:14 PM
2 votes:

Satanic_Hamster: Wow.  Those brides are assholes.  And laughing at the gift and pointing it out to others?

You don't throw a wedding to break even / make money / turn a profit.  What the hell.


You do if you're a dumb coot.

/ $200 a plate? Why didn't they get a local resturaunt to cater the event? It be half of that at least.
2013-06-19 05:08:27 PM
2 votes:
Kathy Mason and her boyfriend gifted a food basket to Laura (who declined to give her last name) and her bride. When Laura suggested Mason poll "normal functioning people" about her basket-giving blunder, Mason brought the question to The Spectator and the Burlington Mamas Facebook group, where it garnered more than 200 responses in less than 24 hours. Even those who agreed cash was a more appropriate gift thought the bride's reaction was rude.

You see conservatives! Gay married couples can be just as rude and petty as straight married couples! There is zero difference!

/What a biatch
2013-06-20 11:39:13 AM
1 votes:

Worldwalker: If someone is a greedy Bridezilla or (what's the male equivalent?


Groomothra
2013-06-20 10:19:32 AM
1 votes:
Just got married. We invited a bunch of people we love to come celebrate with us. Nobody held a gun to our head and told us to spend money. Bridezilla here is freaking nuts.
2013-06-20 09:36:40 AM
1 votes:

redpenner: You don't charge admission for a wedding.  If you do, you get customers instead of friends and family.  If you want your friends and family at your wedding, you should make it easy for them to be there.  If they are rich and want to "cover their plate" as their gift to you, that's really nice, but excluding (or ridiculing) those who can't is going to make for a wedding without any soul or real joy.


This, totally and completely.

If you want other people to pay for your party, those people are customers and they expect (and deserve) good value for the money they've paid. By and large, a wedding -- where, naturally, the entire focus is on the bride and groom -- is not the sort of thing most people would pay to go to, especially if they're among the collection of friends of relatives of acquaintances that people like this invite in the first place. What could a couple get for $200? Well, around here, dinner at a very good restaurant, a movie at a not-quite-so-good movie theater (hey, it's the only one we've got!), and probably enough left over for at least a few drinks at the brewpub downtown. Or, gas to Charleston and back, a night of considerably more impressive night life, and maybe a room at the Motel 6 to sleep it off. Sounds more fun than someone else's party where they don't even notice your presence, just your presents, and you spend the night getting hammered with the only two people there you know. So, if they want to make it a business transaction -- payment tendered for value received -- a wedding comes out looking pretty inadequate, value-wise. If they sold tickets at the door, buyers would be few and far between.

I think people who are in the right frame of mind, and are more likely to be happy, have the wedding that they can afford and invite the people they want to share the day with -- and the emphasis is on share. It doesn't matter (despite the person who, for some unaccountable reason, thinks I'm talking about her) whether that's five people or five hundred people; it's whether you're throwing a party to celebrate your wedding, or you're expecting other people, even ones you barely know, to give that party for you. People who couldn't afford the wedding if the guests weren't made to feel obligated to pay for it, who invite whatever people they think they can make a buck off of (and as many of them as they can cram in the venue), and start the whole thing off with a cash-grab, have their priorities in the wrong place, and that's going to resurface in other ways throughout their (probably brief) marriages. If someone is a greedy Bridezilla or (what's the male equivalent?) on their wedding day, they're not going to be a different person the next day; that's what kind of person they are.

Someone upthread said there's a word for this kind of person: Panhandler. I totally agree.
2013-06-20 09:28:38 AM
1 votes:

catmandu: TheDumbBlonde: Wedding registeries were, where I come from, traditionally a local jeweler/fine gifts shop where the bride to be registered her china and silver patterns for the convenience of guests  WHO CHOSE TO USE IT. You didn't go to freaking Target and register for sheets and towels and egg poachers! You took what you received, were grateful not matter how tacky and wrote a goddamned thank you note. The whole lack of manners is out of control. It's out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

/Meh

Not only that but in the days of the hope chest the girl would register before she was engaged and family would buy a set of the china or silver for things like birthdays or graduation. The sheets, towels, and egg poachers were the shower gifts.


I know I'm really late to the party, but QFT.

I've never EVER thought that "covering my plate" was a responsibility.  I was invited to share in your day, not fund your party/honeymoon/life.

I did not have a registry of any type for my wedding.  1987 Married in small church, reception at the VFW, wine & beer with cash bar, food cooked by the lovely wives of VFW members.  Entire wedding, tuxes, dress, food, hall, wine & beer, limo, & two nights in hotel before we left for honeymoon $2000.  (roughly $4000 adjusted to 2013 rates)

We paid for all of it ourselves, as we were not children (26 & 31) and there was no reason for my father to pay for my wedding.  Never once did it occur to us to jimmy into people's wallets to get money for it.  We were not well off at all, so we saved up for a year to go to Jamaica for 10 days.

These brides represent pretty much all that is wrong with the wedding industry.  And some people.
2013-06-20 08:43:15 AM
1 votes:
What's this giving money tradition? I thought the tradition was for the bride's father to pay for most everything. Since these lovely dykes have TWO FotBs, they clearly didn't explain the value proposition to them when they came out of the closet.
2013-06-20 08:25:48 AM
1 votes:
Worried about money for your future?  Here's a helpful tip; DON'T SPEND $34,000 ON YOUR FREAKIN' WEDDING!

I'm sure I'm not the first one to poiunt this out.
2013-06-20 01:15:35 AM
1 votes:

forbes01: They werent in it for the money


Considering that Laura wrote, "Weddings are to make money for your future", I think they disagree with you.
2013-06-20 12:57:22 AM
1 votes:

jigger: Why didn't they charge admission to the wedding? Would have saved some trouble.


This.
2013-06-19 11:51:54 PM
1 votes:

teenytinycornteeth: So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"?


No, the people in TFA were putting on a performance, etc. That's what we're talking about here. I know nothing about your wedding.

Anyone who expects the "guests" to pay the costs of their meal and entertainment is selfish and greedy. The term for such attendees is not "guest"; it's "paying customer". A wedding is a celebration, not a fund-raiser.

Inviting whomever you want, however many people that happens to be, to celebrate with you is cool. Expecting them to pay for the privilege of being there is tacky.
2013-06-19 11:43:52 PM
1 votes:

TheDumbBlonde: Wedding registeries were, where I come from, traditionally a local jeweler/fine gifts shop where the bride to be registered her china and silver patterns for the convenience of guests  WHO CHOSE TO USE IT. You didn't go to freaking Target and register for sheets and towels and egg poachers! You took what you received, were grateful not matter how tacky and wrote a goddamned thank you note. The whole lack of manners is out of control. It's out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

/Meh


You sound old. That's ok - me too.

I have no problem with people registering at Target/the hardware store/the pet store where they get the insects to feed the 12 iguanas who are the only children they'll ever have. But you don't expect gifts or send any kind of message that you expect them. No registry information on the invitation - you tell your sisters/mother/future mother-in-law where you're registered so they can pass on the information-only to people who ask them- and leave it at that. And ffs include several inexpensive things so your cousin in grad school can feel ok bringing 6 $2 wine glasses if she feels she needs to bring a gift at all.

Where I grew up (Montreal) there's a big mix of cultures, and there were definitely different expectations for each. For example:

French Canadian - big wedding (because we all have 12 great-uncles and 23 cousins on both sides), but fun with lots of music and dancing rather than elaborate. No one really gives a fark about gifts, but some family heirlooms might be passed down. When I was growing up money wouldn't have been ok as a gift. It's more common now.

Irish Catholic - similar, but with a longer mass. Open bar is a must. (I'm Irish/French Canadian. My liver never stood a chance.)

WASP - I think you give a chafing dish or something? I don't have many wasp friends.

Italian/Greek/Portuguese/East European - large, expensive weddings where you eat until you burst and dance until your feet fall off. Close relatives/wealthy and/or close friends give substantial cash gifts, younger friends, single elderly aunts and the like give smaller gifts, but usually cash.

Jewish - depends on the tradition, but money is common, as are registries.

Indian - household items or cash are appreciated.

All of this is subject to the personal preferences of the couple obviously. What isn't accepted in ANY is berating your guests by text message for doing the "wrong" thing.

/my own gay wedding cost $1200 for 10 people, paid by me, plus my (conservative) dad unexpectedly brought many bottles of nice wine. We ate and drank like kings. Everyone got a sincere thank you note whether or not they brought a gift - we just wanted them there.
2013-06-19 11:27:11 PM
1 votes:

poison_amy: weddings suck.  brides suck.
I got an invitation in April for a "commitment ceremony"...  not a wedding, and no, they aren't gay.  They aren't getting married though, I suspect because a marriage makes it harder to claim welfare as a single mother.

In the envelope i found two registries.  One for Macy's and one for Walmart.   On the card where I was to select my meal for the evening, in lovely script under the first (presumably pricier) entree, it read "Please select from the Macy's registry".  Under the other entree it read "You may select from either registry"

Oh, may I?  How considerate!


That is farking appalling. This is the "cover your plate" mindset taken to its logical conclusion.
2013-06-19 11:22:58 PM
1 votes:
I want to point out to that snooty biatch that she thumbed her nose at "polite society" by hosting a wedding without a groom.
2013-06-19 11:02:12 PM
1 votes:
I figure my guests already shelled out for transportation, lodging and meals just to attend our wedding, I was going to be damned if I was going to extort money and or gifts too.

We paid for the best party we could afford and invited those who counted.

In spite of clearly stating "no gifts please", there were some who could not resist but we only really made fun of the Ant Farm and not because it was cheap, but because it was bizarre.
2013-06-19 10:59:49 PM
1 votes:
And this is why I'm not going to any poo-footy weddings of acquaintances.  My wedding cost less than $2000, we got a few gifts but made it clear that gifts weren't expected on the invitations.  I was there to get married to my husband in the presence of people I love, not play princess for a day.
2013-06-19 10:23:55 PM
1 votes:
As far as weddings go, they carry a fairly strong association to the whole institution side of it -- Rudimentary Peni covered that pretty well.

Once you peel away the institution/god part of it (i.e. as an atheist) it feels pretty awkward, you're basically just spending a lot of (other people's - if that's how you play to do it) money to say "Yeah! We're doing this!" -- I do that every day, to my partner, through my actions and words. If you want me to witness you tooting your own horns, I really don't see how the onus is on the attendees to foot the bill.

The only reason we've considered a wedding is specifically for that - everyone else seems to get this "pass go" money that we're missing out on. We bought a house, but didn't demand housewarming gifts. We're together, but we didn't get married. The sister of my wife netted over $15k from her wedding - daddy paid for it and then all the proceeds went to her

Weddings are a demonstration, an act, a ritual, that  you are opting to perform -- you foot the bill.
2013-06-19 09:23:21 PM
1 votes:
But the important thing is, somewhere in Canada, two lucky guys just dodged a bullet.
2013-06-19 08:39:37 PM
1 votes:
Hmm...two women marrying each other complaining because something wasn't done in the same way that "normal, functioning people" would do it.

That's irony.
2013-06-19 08:29:40 PM
1 votes:

JonZoidberg: MadAzza: JonZoidberg: digitalrain: Congrats on the best man gig!

I am actually rather dreading it.  It's not my first time being a best man, and I don't have much of a problem with public speaking.  He was the best man at my wedding a decade ago.  We've known each other since grade school, but haven't seen terribly much of each other since we went off to college.  We do talk on the phone every couple of months.  I know zero of his friends and have only met his fiancee at christmas last year.  I feel he asked me to be nice, but I am really going to have to dig deep to come up with some toast material.

Have you talked to his friends to get material for the toast? You could tell him that you're OK with it if he chooses a different best man, giving the reasons you gave here, although that might be difficult. He'd either be hugely relieved or greatly offended. Maybe you could ask his other friends if he's said anything about it?

I now suddenly have email addresses for his friends since he sent some planning emails to all of us.  That's probably a good idea.  I thought about giving him an out for picking someone else, but it's probably too late for that.  I bet I can think of some old cub scouts stories to tell.


You don't need to be longwinded. Brevity is the soul of wit.

Keep it short, keep to the point, and emphasis the emotional themes of union and future. Something like:

"I've known [Groom] since grade school. I was right beside him when [amusing childhood ancedote] happened, I was there when [high school ancedote] happened. I thought perhaps I would be stuck right by him through all of life's travails - but college changed that. I realized that I wouldn't always be there for [groom] like when we were kids. That is why I am so pleased to see him with [bride] on this day, forging a partnership to last. Now [groom] will have a true partner that will love and support him in all the ways I never could. Congratulations to [Bride] and [Groom] - here's to your union."

This isn't hard.
2013-06-19 08:20:33 PM
1 votes:

teenytinycornteeth: OOO! You have everyone all figured out. So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"? It is possible for people filled with love and sincerity to host a large wedding and still have it be meaningful and memorable. I, too have been married for nearly 20 years and I wouldn't change one thing about my wedding.


It's possible, but for the vast majority of people, the cost/benefit analysis is waaay off. I have a friend who got married. They spent $4k on a dress, $4k on a cake, probably $10k for the venue with food and everything.

They still live in the basement of the father in law's house. I think they spent more on invitations than we spent on our entire wedding.

My wife and I are just as married, and probably at least as happy.
2013-06-19 08:09:15 PM
1 votes:

SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate. Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one.


Marketers must love you.
2013-06-19 08:00:53 PM
1 votes:

SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate.   Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one.  Moreover, in many cultures, it's an insult NOT to invite people.  So, if you're invited, either don't RSVP, or cover your plate.


I'm sorry, but that's bullshiat.  I got married right out of college (people used to do it a long time ago).  In addition to our extended family, we had a lot of college or just out of college friends who meant the world to us that we would have been heartbroken had they not attended.  I knew they couldn't afford big lavish gifts, but I still threw a big lavish wedding, because my grandfather, who had passed away before I got married left me quite a chunk of cash to do so.  My wedding was to celebrate marrying my best friend and to gather all of our friends and family in one place to party down and funky.  Did I get a million dollars in return?  No. But we had a wonderful time.

If what you're saying is true, then that means you can't go to your best friends wedding if you happen to be out of work and can't splurge on a $150 gift.

As for the food basket, I think we're all seeing it through the eyes of the assy bride.  My husband and I used to give gifts of "Taste of Chicago" to people getting married out of our state.  We would buy a gorgeous picnic basket and fill it with fun treats made in Chicago.  Some things were gourmet or fancy, but some were Morton Salt or Lemonhead Candy.  The point was...it was a personal statement from one friend to another not "here's some money like the other 100 people gave you".

I'm sad for the people who gave this gift.  They may have fallen on hard times and couldn't afford the gift they wanted to gift so they thought of being creative. Here's the thanks they get.  Jesus.
2013-06-19 07:57:11 PM
1 votes:
Who the FARK invites a "casual acquaintance" to their wedding, and then expect, no.. DEMAND, a monetary gift of at least $150!?!?!

The biatchy coont needs to fark off and die.
2013-06-19 07:47:03 PM
1 votes:

sugarhi: Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.


We got married (i.e. signed the paperwork) at a dinner with our witnesses, then announced a party for family and friends ~6 weeks later. We took everyone out to supper, went to a hockey game, and then drank with our friends in a hotel room after the old folks went to bed. It wasn't expensive, there was no pressure to invite people who you didn't really want to be there, no boring ceremony, no all-day commitment from guests, no pre-selected meals, no traveling between venues (other than walking from the restaurant to the hockey game) no fancy clothes, and no schedules or rehearsals. No one brought gifts (who brings gifts to a hockey game?), and everyone had a good time, even if they didn't get to live out their dream wedding experience at my expense.

Even if you want one more of those things we intentionally skipped you should build your plan wedding the specific parts you want and forget all the rest. It's dumb to throw a party you don't enjoy (just ask Gatsby).
2013-06-19 07:12:35 PM
1 votes:

Aidan: thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.

I'm surprised. I've never even thought of it this way. I'm always glad to be invited, but... Er. I thought I was invited for being me. If the people couldn't afford my presence, I wouldn't have been offended to not be invited. I certainly don't expect to pay my way (unless my dietary requirements are annoyingly picky), or do some kind of tit-for-tat thing.

However, I don't have a lot of experience with weddings, so this could be a very minority view.


I am with you on this. If you invite someone to an event, unless you explicitly ask them to pay for their food, you shouldn't expect them to pay. You think your cousin Erma really *wants* to spend Saturday night corralling her 3 kids at your wedding and paying $100/plate just to watch them refuse to eat anything but cake?

If you don't have enough money to have fancy food at a wedding, don't have it. I get for some people the ceremony is really important, but spending loads of money on it isn't going to make it more or less special or memorable.
2013-06-19 07:04:33 PM
1 votes:

Pincy: "I just spent $200 for you and your guest to come and you guys must have given me $40 back."

My response: Either you should have spent less or you shouldn't have invited me.


That or "you're welcome, I'm usually paid more than that for a day's work".
2013-06-19 06:54:41 PM
1 votes:
That gift was original, and awesome.  Nobody is ever going to remember who got them the champagne flutes or $100.  But the basket full of candy and marshmallow goo will stick in your memory forever.  Top score.
2013-06-19 06:52:20 PM
1 votes:
Wedding registeries were, where I come from, traditionally a local jeweler/fine gifts shop where the bride to be registered her china and silver patterns for the convenience of guests  WHO CHOSE TO USE IT. You didn't go to freaking Target and register for sheets and towels and egg poachers! You took what you received, were grateful not matter how tacky and wrote a goddamned thank you note. The whole lack of manners is out of control. It's out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

/Meh
2013-06-19 06:33:07 PM
1 votes:
I can't wait for the follow up when this happy couple gets divorced. I have a feeling it will be epic and will make Fark.
/Learned a lot about weddings reading the thread though.
2013-06-19 06:33:01 PM
1 votes:

jst3p: orbister: ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.

Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?

Duh! Put it on the invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith
and
Mr. and Mrs. Mark Franklin Jones
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Mary Ann Smith
and
Edward Malcolm Jones
Your portion comes to $145.83, double that if plus one.
Gift should be of equal or greater value.


This is why your posts show up in lovely, cheery green
2013-06-19 06:22:45 PM
1 votes:

Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.

But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.


Actually, asking for anything other than somebody's presence in an invitation is rude. There should be no mention whatsoever of gifts in an invitation. It's an invitation. You're supposed to be inviting people to share your special day. Not hitting them up for stuff. The gift thing is a tradition. Now, technically, guests don't have to give a gift. But most people do. As I've mentioned previously, I've given gift cards. Technically the same as money, I guess. But if somebody were to ask directly for money, I'd probably politely decline their invitation. Problem solved. I don't have to feel like I'm being asked to give money to somebody for changing their marital status and they don't have to feel put out because I didn't "cover my plate." Everybody's happy.
2013-06-19 06:22:43 PM
1 votes:
Wow, what a rude, crude, crass lesbian bxxxx.  If it was money she was after she should have charged admission.
2013-06-19 06:14:52 PM
1 votes:
A basket full of packaged sweets is kind of a tacky gift, but it is indeed a gift.  Saying anything but "thank  you, we're going to enjoy it" makes you a rotten spoiled coont.

/some people who came to my wedding never gave us anything.
//it's all good, they were invited because we like their company, not their cash.
2013-06-19 06:12:00 PM
1 votes:

space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?


And who, thinking this, blows $34,000 on a party to raise the money? That's as bad as those "Help me raise £2,000 for a holiday to Macchu Picchu and I'll give a hundred quid to cancer research" scams.
2013-06-19 06:00:15 PM
1 votes:

TheDumbBlonde: "Cover your plate" is concept unheard of where I come from. Some people are raised by wolves.


It is new to me. Probably invented by the same shallow bastards who judge proposal worth by carat count, or some New York City culture writer trying to establish a dollar value metric for what used to be etiquette and courtesy.

I've never in my life considered the cost of the reception when considering how I'd like to honor the new couple.

Then again, I go to weddings to celebrate with my friends and family. Any wedding where I would be expected to consider the cost of your own celebration is a wedding for a vapid attention whore who sees me as little more than a sales call.

fark that, I don't befriend people like that.
2013-06-19 05:59:13 PM
1 votes:

djmed: wedding are a huge waste of time and money.

and that is definitely womens' fault


I'm putting a hard cap of $5,000 on my wedding. My current girlfriend is slowly coming around to how much of a racket the wedding industry is and if you just take 5 minutes to do any of the stuff you "have to do" on your own you can spend less than half what people usually spend.

/She gave me shiat at first saying "But it's my special day and I've been looking forward to it forever." I said "Well it's my special day too and I'm not spending the money we could spend on a brand new car for a 5 hour party."
//Seriously, I've organized events for 250+ people for a nonprofit with a yearlong budget of $50,000, large events are not as expensive as wedding magazines and moron girlfriends make you think.
2013-06-19 05:56:40 PM
1 votes:
tackyweddings.files.wordpress.com
2013-06-19 05:56:32 PM
1 votes:
I would never want a woman so vapid and mindless and to want to do all this vapid stupid waste of money wedding bullshiat. Talk about your uber rich, white people problems. The only thing more self absorbed and horrible than a soon to be "wedding industry" bride is a new yuppie mother to a toddler.
2013-06-19 05:54:06 PM
1 votes:

Rye_: When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash.  We weren't expecting that.  We just wanted to have a great party with our family and friends.

I've never heard that "the purpose of a wedding is to make money."  Laura sounds like a horrible person.


Same here, and my wedding was just back in October. We ran the gamut of no gift at all from some people (which is perfectly fine, I'm just glad they came), to getting a $500 check from someone I had never even spoken to before and everything in between.
2013-06-19 05:53:41 PM
1 votes:

The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.



I agree with you. My girlfriend and I already lived alone before we moved in together and now have 2 blenders, 2 knife sets, etc. The last thing in the world we need is stuff for the house. I ran the idea by her to just ask for money and she looked at me with horror, like I'd suggested charging for admission. She actually said we should register for gifts we don't need and then return them. What the hell is the point of that? Why make someone drive across town for a present we don't want when they would probably be happier writing a check?
2013-06-19 05:51:59 PM
1 votes:

noitsnot: jst3p: noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.

No - we already have two houses' worth of shiat.  We don't need anymore shiat - we have to get rid of a bunch of it.  Just give money.  It's easy.  But no - you're gonna give me that third bread machine, aren't ya.


Actually for the last wedding I went to, the invites basically said "the bride and groom already have everything they need - this is their favorite charity, please donate to it if you would like to celebrate their union with a gift" or some similar verbiage.
2013-06-19 05:51:02 PM
1 votes:

The sound of one hand clapping: Ah, fair enough.  Seems the general consensus is that it is rude then.  I guess that wouldn't have been a good idea for them either.I've actually had a couple of wedding invitations that had this on the card.  Didn't seem rude to me at the time but being a single guy it's not like weddings are something that interest me much.


It's pretty common to tell people where you're registered. It's an entirely different thing to get upset if they don't buy you something from the registry, or give you something that doesn't meet your satisfaction.
2013-06-19 05:50:18 PM
1 votes:

Fish in a Barrel: I'll probably never wind up getting married (so, so alone...)


*checks profile*

If you're ever on Oahu, look me up. We can to Koko Head Range for bang-bang in the morning, break for lunch, then have a couple of drinks on the beach, if you're into that kind of thing. I don't currently own a firearm, but that won't be a problem.

I'm not flirting, I just enjoy target shooting, and could probably learn a lot from you.
2013-06-19 05:50:03 PM
1 votes:
It's stories like this that make me realize how great my wife is.  We had a BBQ for all our friends and family for our wedding reception and pocketed our parent's generous wedding fund.  We never had to live in an apartment at any point in our marriage.
2013-06-19 05:49:33 PM
1 votes:

balki1867


In fairness, this was one of the brides was claiming it's a laughingstock. My guess is that the guests at the pool party were awkwardly laughing and thinking about how superficial the bride was as she ranted about the gift and made a showpiece of it.


I'd like to think that's how it happened, but have a hard time believing too many non-jackasses would want to hang out with the horrid bride.
2013-06-19 05:46:02 PM
1 votes:

jst3p: noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.


Think of it as a registry with just one gift on it.  Cash.

That said, if you didn't specify beforehand, you have no right to complain, and even if you did and somebody got you something you weren't expecting, you should at least be gracious about it.
2013-06-19 05:45:01 PM
1 votes:
I expected this to be in Long Island. Fooled me.
2013-06-19 05:44:37 PM
1 votes:
I was with the gift-givers until they engaged the brides in their ungrateful assholery. The proper response to a rude question is a shutdown answer and then silence. When they asked for a receipt, the guests should have sent them a bill for the suit, dress, travel, time off work, et al. Then deduct $40 for cost of gift and sign "You'll get your receipt when we get your payment."
2013-06-19 05:43:23 PM
1 votes:

TheDumbBlonde


"Cover your plate" is concept unheard of where I come from. Some people are raised by wolves.


Likewise, and agreed about the wolves. When did this become a thing?? I've been to several weddings in recent years and everyone had registries.

Of course, these were all nice people and not raging b*tchmonsters like those in TFA.
2013-06-19 05:40:32 PM
1 votes:

number_man: My response:

"fark you...I hope you choke a little on the food...and guess which is tainted with gluten...I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."

But honestly, they sound American.


Nope.  Wedding took place in Hamilton, Ontario, and the newlyweds are Italian and Croatian, according to TFA.  But hey, thanks for assuming all Americans are rude assholes.

/we're not
//just the ones that post on Fark
///if I were the gift giver, my response would be brought to them by the letters G, F, and Y.
2013-06-19 05:39:14 PM
1 votes:

The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.


Certainly not any worse than registering at Bed Bath and Beyond or whatever.
2013-06-19 05:38:39 PM
1 votes:
I cover my plate at weddings.  I'm always sitting next to a fat guest who wants to steal my food.
2013-06-19 05:37:30 PM
1 votes:
Just checked.  Neither "Money" or "Cash" are on my niece's wedding registry.  I got her a nice set of champagne glasses, which were on her list.
2013-06-19 05:37:14 PM
1 votes:
"Weddings are to make money for your future"

FOAD. Seriously.

CSB time: when my wife and I got married, we elected to have a fairly simple reception with lots of wine available, but a cash bar for other stuff. When one of the bridesmaids' fiancée found out there wouldn't be an open bar (a couple days before the wedding) he complained because he 'wouldn't be able to get his money's worth for the gift'. Shockingly, they didn't end up getting married.
2013-06-19 05:35:26 PM
1 votes:

swfan: NotoriousW.O.P: Laura disagrees. She chalks it up to cultural differences. She's Italian...

Don't pin this shiat on my people...

Seriously, my take away from the whole thing is, "I had better not go to an Italian wedding, because I clearly have no idea what's expected!"  Glad to know my clumsy stereotyping was way out of line.

The gift was kind of cheesy, but somebody better be a relative or very close friend of mine for me to give $150+ at their wedding.  My scale (in Denver, CO) would be: $50 to an acquaintance, $100 to a coworker / friend, $200 to family / close friend.


rest assured, there are no lesbian Italian weddings. these biatches would be excommunicated and socially ostracized.   Believe it or not, most if the world is not a farking gaylord paradise.
2013-06-19 05:32:26 PM
1 votes:
I marred the Mrs. Flatline in Colombia, South America, where she is from, and I have roots there due to my pop.

Our reception was at the nicest private club in town and for 35 people we had a 5 course meal prepared by an Italian Chef, and the desserts by a  Cordon Bleu Pastry Chef from Switzerland(granted he is an old friend of the family.)

The total nut for the meal was 600 US, which included champagne and cocktails, and then I tipped our servers 100k pesos each(50 bucks US) so I was out 800 bucks.  No one complained...
2013-06-19 05:29:53 PM
1 votes:

thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.


Ditto plus a little extra.  Unless it's a cash bar then I deduct my cost to tolerate three hours of awkward white people.
2013-06-19 05:27:38 PM
1 votes:
I'll probably never wind up getting married (so, so alone...), but if I did I would want to specifically forbid presents.  A wedding is a celebration of joining, not a cash grab.  No one should feel compelled to ante up to join the party.
2013-06-19 05:27:20 PM
1 votes:
That is a horribly shiatty gift. A jar of marshmellow crud? Personally I would eat that up in about three minutes but that's just stupid.

But when someone gives you a gift, don't be a farking d-bag about it. If you don't want it and you can't easily return it, re-gift it or something. And no, nobody owes you for the cost of your wedding. You choose to spend that much. You should expect to finish the day well out of pocket.
2013-06-19 05:24:51 PM
1 votes:

thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.


I'm surprised. I've never even thought of it this way. I'm always glad to be invited, but... Er. I thought I was invited for being me. If the people couldn't afford my presence, I wouldn't have been offended to not be invited. I certainly don't expect to pay my way (unless my dietary requirements are annoyingly picky), or do some kind of tit-for-tat thing.

However, I don't have a lot of experience with weddings, so this could be a very minority view.
2013-06-19 05:22:19 PM
1 votes:
Reading the total exchange...all involved are over-entitled shiats.
2013-06-19 05:00:53 PM
1 votes:
Well, it's the thought bottom line that counts.
 
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