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(Toronto Star)   "I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return"   (thestar.com ) divider line
    More: Asinine, Sour Patch Kids, Miss Manners, Community Code of Conduct, The Spectator  
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16896 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jun 2013 at 5:15 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-19 05:00:53 PM  
Well, it's the thought bottom line that counts.
 
2013-06-19 05:05:49 PM  
Ugh, both sides are at fault.  Yeah, the bride is an insanely rude bastard, but a food basket?  Why not just a bottle of very nice wine?  Cheaper, more appropriate, and easy to buy almost anywhere.
 
2013-06-19 05:08:27 PM  
Kathy Mason and her boyfriend gifted a food basket to Laura (who declined to give her last name) and her bride. When Laura suggested Mason poll "normal functioning people" about her basket-giving blunder, Mason brought the question to The Spectator and the Burlington Mamas Facebook group, where it garnered more than 200 responses in less than 24 hours. Even those who agreed cash was a more appropriate gift thought the bride's reaction was rude.

You see conservatives! Gay married couples can be just as rude and petty as straight married couples! There is zero difference!

/What a biatch
 
2013-06-19 05:16:02 PM  
That's it... no more gay marriage. Sorry.
 
2013-06-19 05:19:17 PM  
I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.
 
2013-06-19 05:20:32 PM  
Wow.  Those brides are assholes.  And laughing at the gift and pointing it out to others?

You don't throw a wedding to break even / make money / turn a profit.  What the hell.
 
2013-06-19 05:20:56 PM  
Yeesh.  I couldn't imagine having TWO bridezillas.

If you throw a wedding - don't expect any gifts in return.  If you feel you would be shorted/upset if you had to pay for someone's meal and they didn't give you anything - don't invite them!  It probably isn't worth having them there anyway!
 
2013-06-19 05:21:08 PM  

She says Mason's gift was the laughingstock of the wedding. At a post-wedding pool party the next day, friends and family stopped by the living room to get a look at the basket that's still on display in their home.


"Laughingstock"? Really? It sounds like the brides' friends and family are also rude and petty. How marvelous.
 
2013-06-19 05:21:50 PM  
"Cover my plate"? Like pay for it? You invited me toots. Enjoy your toaster, I'll be at the bar drinking your booze.
 
2013-06-19 05:22:19 PM  
Reading the total exchange...all involved are over-entitled shiats.
 
2013-06-19 05:22:47 PM  
Wow, what a tremendous biatch. It may not be the best present ever, but if the wedding is just a ruse to get people to pay you for a party then you're singularly farking stupid.
 
2013-06-19 05:22:57 PM  
<i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?
 
2013-06-19 05:23:05 PM  
Seriously? What kind of a coont demands money?  This biatch deserves to be slapped!
 
2013-06-19 05:23:11 PM  
Laura disagrees. She chalks it up to cultural differences. She's Italian...

Don't pin this shiat on my people...
 
2013-06-19 05:23:31 PM  

thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.


I would feel it's bad form to ask how much that would be.  If I knew I'd need to pony up more than $200 in gifts, I'd probably find a reason not to go even it it was one of my best friends.

/got measured for a best-man tux this week
 
2013-06-19 05:23:43 PM  
You know, a creative couple would be able to turn that gift into quite an entertaining evening.  Shame on the bride for being boring.
 
2013-06-19 05:23:51 PM  
If you can't afford to throw a party for $34,000, don't pay that much for your reception.  It's really that simple.  Expecting to recoup the costs via cash gifts from your guests is as stupid as it is rude.
 
2013-06-19 05:23:53 PM  
Stop having wedding you inconsiderate mother farkers !! no one cares who you fark or who you live with.  I have better shiat to do with my weekends and vacation days and money than celebrate the fact that your game got so weak you had to settle down.
 
2013-06-19 05:24:14 PM  

Satanic_Hamster: Wow.  Those brides are assholes.  And laughing at the gift and pointing it out to others?

You don't throw a wedding to break even / make money / turn a profit.  What the hell.


You do if you're a dumb coot.

/ $200 a plate? Why didn't they get a local resturaunt to cater the event? It be half of that at least.
 
2013-06-19 05:24:19 PM  
The bride(s) could use a good coontpunch.
 
2013-06-19 05:24:40 PM  

space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?


That one got me, too.  I can't help but think this is a horrible person, and nothing in the article dissuades me from that conclusion.
 
2013-06-19 05:24:43 PM  
My response:

"fark you...I hope you choke a little on the food...and guess which is tainted with gluten...I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."

But honestly, they sound American.
 
2013-06-19 05:24:51 PM  

thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.


I'm surprised. I've never even thought of it this way. I'm always glad to be invited, but... Er. I thought I was invited for being me. If the people couldn't afford my presence, I wouldn't have been offended to not be invited. I certainly don't expect to pay my way (unless my dietary requirements are annoyingly picky), or do some kind of tit-for-tat thing.

However, I don't have a lot of experience with weddings, so this could be a very minority view.
 
2013-06-19 05:24:53 PM  
yeah & i bet you wore a white wedding dress too!
 
2013-06-19 05:25:11 PM  
FTFA: She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hall.

Holy sh*t! Horrible rudeness aside, people are absolutely insane when it comes to shelling out thousands for the spectacle that weddings have become.

Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.
 
2013-06-19 05:25:12 PM  
See, now, this has an obvious solution: print out the bride's text, wipe your ass with it, and send it to her in a very nice envelope, since she apparently expected something in an envelope.

Or just tell her to go fark herself.

Having said all that, I think even I could have come up with a better present than a basket full of food. Gift card to Bed, Bath & Beyond or Home Depot. Monogrammed towels. Gift certificate for couple's massage at a spa. Something somewhat thoughtful.

But this expecting envelopes with money in them as a wedding present bullshiat has got to stop. I don't care if some "cultures" do it, it's tacky as shiat. If you want money, get a farking second job. I know a bride who got 3 jobs to pay off her bills. If you can't afford your big gigantic wedding, cut some shiat out of it. The guests aren't obligated to subsidize it.
 
2013-06-19 05:25:55 PM  
When Mr Mafiageek1980 and I got married a couple of years ago, we didn't care if we got gifts or not because we were about to move anyway (from Odessa, to Austin). Needless to say, the gifts we got we are still using today (a flask, vegan cookbook, picture frames, candles, etc). We kept it small and fun for EVERYONE (we got drunk and went bowling after the reception). I don't get the whole "Bridezilla" thing. Hell, aren't weddings supposed to be about a union of two people and celebration?

/btw, I would have LOVED if someone got us that gift basket, thank you very much!
 
2013-06-19 05:26:10 PM  

SphericalTime: Ugh, both sides are at fault.  Yeah, the bride is an insanely rude bastard, but a food basket?  Why not just a bottle of very nice wine?  Cheaper, more appropriate, and easy to buy almost anywhere.


I'm not sure I agree that both sides are at fault - if the guests thought that some fun salsas, etc. along with a card about life together being delicious was a nice gesture, why would a bottle of wine be a better one?  The bride's problem here was that the guests didn't give her money.  It's not like she would have been happier with a bottle of wine, she wanted cash to cover the cost of the wedding she couldn't afford.

I pity the woman this woman is married to, although it sounds like the bride's friends and family are all a**holes as well, so they probably deserve each other.
 
2013-06-19 05:26:12 PM  
My take on it? Don't say a thing. Just put the gift box (opened of course) on display next to the other gifts of wine, cheese, small appliances, etc. Don't comment on it. Don't mention who it's from. Let everyone speculate which one of them contributed the crappy gift. The first one to slink away from the reception is probably the culprit.
 
2013-06-19 05:26:20 PM  
Yeesh, what an awful human. She seems to have invited people to her wedding simply to extort money from them.
 
2013-06-19 05:26:35 PM  
If I ever get married, which is unlikely, I expect my guests to show up, have a good time, and not make complete asses of themselves. Nothing more.
 
2013-06-19 05:26:51 PM  
Honestly that was a tacky gift. However as tacky as it was, the rudeness in response was astoundingly demonstrative of poor manners, etiquette and downright bad behavior. I, and my wife for that matter, have gotten some gifts along those lines over the years from various family for various occasions. You may laugh about it in private but in public and to that person you smile and thank them, then never ever bring it up again.
 
2013-06-19 05:27:07 PM  
Well I for one know that the best, most direct way to solve a dispute is to turn to the internet for strangers to decide who was right!
 
2013-06-19 05:27:20 PM  
That is a horribly shiatty gift. A jar of marshmellow crud? Personally I would eat that up in about three minutes but that's just stupid.

But when someone gives you a gift, don't be a farking d-bag about it. If you don't want it and you can't easily return it, re-gift it or something. And no, nobody owes you for the cost of your wedding. You choose to spend that much. You should expect to finish the day well out of pocket.
 
2013-06-19 05:27:21 PM  
What a farking coont.

My now-ex and I got married on the beach in Kailua, near our house. We were delighted to have a few friends and our families there, most of whom had to fly from the mainland.

I couldn't have cared less if we'd received no gifts, and can't imagine seeing our wedding as a tit-for-tat (calm down) affair.

"Laura" needs to be schooled in proper bridal comportment.
 
2013-06-19 05:27:38 PM  
I'll probably never wind up getting married (so, so alone...), but if I did I would want to specifically forbid presents.  A wedding is a celebration of joining, not a cash grab.  No one should feel compelled to ante up to join the party.
 
2013-06-19 05:27:43 PM  
Perhaps the gift-givers couldn't afford to spend $200 on those money-grubbing, unappreciative biatches. Besides, gift baskets tend to be overpriced. The one pictured could have cost $50 or more.
 
2013-06-19 05:28:03 PM  

SphericalTime: Ugh, both sides are at fault.  Yeah, the bride is an insanely rude bastard, but a food basket?  Why not just a bottle of very nice wine?  Cheaper, more appropriate, and easy to buy almost anywhere.


thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.


WTF!?!?!?  You both have ANY sense of compassion for this bride?  FARK HER!!!  Hard, in the ass with a rusty pipe!  She invited people to her wedding, she chose to spend whatever amount she felt comfortable spending to celebrate her marriage.  For her to expect anything in return, other than well wishes and congratulations, especially from non-family, is about the rudest god damn thing ever.....Stupid whore needs to be  slapped with a farking truck.
 
2013-06-19 05:28:13 PM  

NotoriousW.O.P: Laura disagrees. She chalks it up to cultural differences. She's Italian...

Don't pin this shiat on my people...


Seriously, my take away from the whole thing is, "I had better not go to an Italian wedding, because I clearly have no idea what's expected!"  Glad to know my clumsy stereotyping was way out of line.

The gift was kind of cheesy, but somebody better be a relative or very close friend of mine for me to give $150+ at their wedding.  My scale (in Denver, CO) would be: $50 to an acquaintance, $100 to a coworker / friend, $200 to family / close friend.
 
2013-06-19 05:28:23 PM  
Well, at least they didn't include chocolate dicks in the gift basket.  That might have made things a whole lot worse.
 
2013-06-19 05:28:28 PM  
Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.

The way to handle that "gift" however is not to e-mail the gift givers, make gift demands, or make the gift a laughing stock though.  You just say:  "Well, out of 210 guests, these two violated etiquette, guess we're not inviting them in the future" and be done with it.
 
2013-06-19 05:28:40 PM  

Huck Chaser: If you can't afford to throw a party for $34,000, don't pay that much for your reception.  It's really that simple.  Expecting to recoup the costs via cash gifts from your guests is as stupid as it is rude.


Pretty much this.  9 months to plan your wedding, and what?  9 hours to plan your marriage?
$34,000 could be put to so much better use.
 
2013-06-19 05:28:43 PM  
I've never even heard of someone thinking they should profit from a wedding. Have any of you?
 
2013-06-19 05:28:45 PM  
Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate.   Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one.  Moreover, in many cultures, it's an insult NOT to invite people.  So, if you're invited, either don't RSVP, or cover your plate.
 
2013-06-19 05:28:57 PM  
Why didn't they charge admission to the wedding? Would have saved some trouble.
 
2013-06-19 05:29:28 PM  
She's an ill-bred lesbian coont is what she is.  This should come as a surprise to nobody.
 
2013-06-19 05:29:35 PM  
The Mrs. and I got married in graduate school, so we didn't expect (or get) much from like half our guests. We didn't care, we were happy our friends and family were out for our big day and had fun. Who the hell does a wedding to turn a profit? And buys steak and spends $30,000? These brides completely missed the point. A gift basket of food is actually kind of thoughtful, like something to snack on for your honeymoon or something.

"Pretty greedy, gays"
-Dmitri Martin
 
2013-06-19 05:29:53 PM  

thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.


Ditto plus a little extra.  Unless it's a cash bar then I deduct my cost to tolerate three hours of awkward white people.
 
2013-06-19 05:29:56 PM  
Weddings are among the stupidest traditions we have. You expect me to spend tens of thousands of dollars on throwing a party just for social recognition instead of investing/spending that money on having a more comfortable home? You're way deluded.

And fark bridezillas.
 
2013-06-19 05:30:01 PM  

Aidan: do some kind of tit-for-tat thing.



Hey, we both said "tit-for-tat" ... JINX!
 
2013-06-19 05:31:18 PM  
My response:

Just a note to let you know some coont is using your email to send out rude messages.
 
2013-06-19 05:31:26 PM  

Russ1642: I've never even heard of someone thinking they should profit from a wedding. Have any of you?


Didn't some celebrity get married recently and said they made a healthy profit from it? And then got divorced a week later or something.
 
2013-06-19 05:31:30 PM  
You're not really paying $100 a plate, are you?  I don't know much about how these things work, but if a wedding costs you $100 per attendee, then that's covering the party and everything as well, right?  So it's more like you paid $100 for someone to have a party experience, not that the steak itself was $100.

Whatever.  Bride's an asshole.  If she's insisting that everyone else gave at least $150, does that mean no broke people allowed?
 
2013-06-19 05:32:05 PM  
Grammar Nazi seen firing up the furnaces of punctuation.
 
2013-06-19 05:32:09 PM  
Couldn't they have just used a fake name instead of using "_'s bride", "the bride", or "one of the brides". It was confusing until I figured out they were gay.
 
2013-06-19 05:32:12 PM  
In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.
 
2013-06-19 05:32:26 PM  
I marred the Mrs. Flatline in Colombia, South America, where she is from, and I have roots there due to my pop.

Our reception was at the nicest private club in town and for 35 people we had a 5 course meal prepared by an Italian Chef, and the desserts by a  Cordon Bleu Pastry Chef from Switzerland(granted he is an old friend of the family.)

The total nut for the meal was 600 US, which included champagne and cocktails, and then I tipped our servers 100k pesos each(50 bucks US) so I was out 800 bucks.  No one complained...
 
2013-06-19 05:32:29 PM  
I was brought up in the tradition that accepting the gift honors the giver. I truly and fully do not comprehend this sense of material entitlement. If you did not think your gathering would be enhanced by my simple presence why bother to invite me? If I bring any gift at all that's a bonus. You should be thankful I even showed up.
 
2013-06-19 05:32:40 PM  

SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate.   Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one.  Moreover, in many cultures, it's an insult NOT to invite people.  So, if you're invited, either don't RSVP, or cover your plate.


For any other party the people that throw the party pay for the party. A wedding is no different.
 
2013-06-19 05:33:08 PM  
man, i'm really starting to hate weddings.

here's some advice to people about to get married:

1) nobody cares and nobody wants to be there.  we like you, but find this ceremony to be little more than a wasted weekend.

2) don't spending too much money on weddings, everyone will have more fun.

/ i've never given cash for a wedding.  i just check to see where the people registered and buy them what they asked for.  hopefully online, so i don't have to lug anything around, or learn that it was stolen from the venue.  (happened at a friend's wedding.  some 12 year old kid stole all the envelopes of money).  also, shipping to the married people is infinitely easier for them too.
// if someone send me a letter complaining about my gift, or lack thereof.  i would pat myself on the back for not spending more money on a douchebag.   it's like when you don't give a homeless person money, and they yell at you, and you think, well, now I'm really glad I didn't give you any charity
 
2013-06-19 05:33:34 PM  

SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate.   Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one.  Moreover, in many cultures, it's an insult NOT to invite people.  So, if you're invited, either don't RSVP, or cover your plate.


Seriously? When did this "cover your plate" crap start? I'm giving the same gift whether the reception is at a five star hotel or the local pizza joint.  Hell, I'd probably give a little more to the couple having the reception at the pizza joint, feeling they could really use the money vs the fools blowing $30k.
 
2013-06-19 05:33:50 PM  
Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"
 
2013-06-19 05:34:03 PM  
I guarantee this attention whore will show up pregnant one day, and dump the other poor girl for guy who she has been dicking the whole time, and expect to keep all the wedding gifts,
 
2013-06-19 05:34:11 PM  

rocky_howard: Weddings are among the stupidest traditions we have.

 
2013-06-19 05:34:23 PM  

ExcaliburPrime111


Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent. I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well. The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.


And here I was thinking that the choice of gift would be based on the relationship the invitee had with the inviter, not based on what the invitee calculated was fair market value for his portion of the wedding and the reception. Should the gift also include a tip?

:-|
 
2013-06-19 05:35:24 PM  

theflatline: I marred the Mrs. Flatline in Colombia, South America, where she is from, and I have roots there due to my pop.

Our reception was at the nicest private club in town and for 35 people we had a 5 course meal prepared by an Italian Chef, and the desserts by a  Cordon Bleu Pastry Chef from Switzerland(granted he is an old friend of the family.)

The total nut for the meal was 600 US, which included champagne and cocktails, and then I tipped our servers 100k pesos each(50 bucks US) so I was out 800 bucks.  No one complained...


That's $22 dollars each. Cheaper than McDonalds if you even remotely factor in drinks.
 
2013-06-19 05:35:26 PM  

swfan: NotoriousW.O.P: Laura disagrees. She chalks it up to cultural differences. She's Italian...

Don't pin this shiat on my people...

Seriously, my take away from the whole thing is, "I had better not go to an Italian wedding, because I clearly have no idea what's expected!"  Glad to know my clumsy stereotyping was way out of line.

The gift was kind of cheesy, but somebody better be a relative or very close friend of mine for me to give $150+ at their wedding.  My scale (in Denver, CO) would be: $50 to an acquaintance, $100 to a coworker / friend, $200 to family / close friend.


rest assured, there are no lesbian Italian weddings. these biatches would be excommunicated and socially ostracized.   Believe it or not, most if the world is not a farking gaylord paradise.
 
2013-06-19 05:35:28 PM  
"Cover your plate" is concept unheard of where I come from. Some people are raised by wolves.
 
2013-06-19 05:35:56 PM  
Granted I don't go to many weddings, but I have never given money, nor have I seen many others do it.  If I was told up front that they were expecting money and "the purpose of a wedding is to make money", I would immediately write them off as friends and as Human beings.
 
2013-06-19 05:36:13 PM  
Came to thread hoping for pictures of lesbian brides (not the ones from TFA)... leaving disappointed.
 
2013-06-19 05:36:30 PM  

space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?


People who place no value on friends or family.  Because if the money runs out, they're all you're going to have...
 
2013-06-19 05:36:49 PM  
She should have counted her blessings.  My go-to wedding gift is miniature shellacked french fry refrigerator magnets.

(Yes they do exist and no I am not kidding.)
 
2013-06-19 05:37:14 PM  
"Weddings are to make money for your future"

FOAD. Seriously.

CSB time: when my wife and I got married, we elected to have a fairly simple reception with lots of wine available, but a cash bar for other stuff. When one of the bridesmaids' fiancée found out there wouldn't be an open bar (a couple days before the wedding) he complained because he 'wouldn't be able to get his money's worth for the gift'. Shockingly, they didn't end up getting married.
 
2013-06-19 05:37:30 PM  
Just checked.  Neither "Money" or "Cash" are on my niece's wedding registry.  I got her a nice set of champagne glasses, which were on her list.
 
2013-06-19 05:37:31 PM  

The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...


Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.
 
2013-06-19 05:38:24 PM  

The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.


Sounds more a way to make sure no one attends the wedding.
 
2013-06-19 05:38:34 PM  
When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash.  We weren't expecting that.  We just wanted to have a great party with our family and friends.

I've never heard that "the purpose of a wedding is to make money."  Laura sounds like a horrible person.
 
2013-06-19 05:38:39 PM  
I cover my plate at weddings.  I'm always sitting next to a fat guest who wants to steal my food.
 
2013-06-19 05:38:41 PM  

Kraftwerk Orange: space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?

People who place no value on friends or family.  Because if the money runs out, they're all you're going to have...


You think if their money runs out they'd still have friends? Family, maybe. Maybe.
 
2013-06-19 05:38:57 PM  

The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.


It's outrageously rude to mention anything about gifts or registries period. It's begging and it's tasteless.
 
2013-06-19 05:39:04 PM  
Tell her you want the candy back when the husband smartens up and gets a divorce.
 
2013-06-19 05:39:14 PM  

The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.


Certainly not any worse than registering at Bed Bath and Beyond or whatever.
 
2013-06-19 05:39:50 PM  

JonZoidberg: thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.

I would feel it's bad form to ask how much that would be.  If I knew I'd need to pony up more than $200 in gifts, I'd probably find a reason not to go even it it was one of my best friends.

/got measured for a best-man tux this week


Congrats on the best man gig!

CSB time...

When Mr. Digitalrain and I were getting married, a few days before the wedding we went to
the mall so my dad, fiance, and son could get final fittings. While we were there, this really
cute blonde and her boyfriend were there (it was prom season and he was getting his tux).

My son, who was 5 at the time and in his tux, goes up to the little blonde and starts chatting
her up. When we got ready to go, my son looks at my and my fiance and says, "Can we
take her home with us?"

Everybody laughed and even the blonde's boyfriend ruffled my son's hair and told him that
he was "gonna go far".

/ end CSB
 
2013-06-19 05:40:04 PM  

Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"


No. :)
 
2013-06-19 05:40:32 PM  

number_man: My response:

"fark you...I hope you choke a little on the food...and guess which is tainted with gluten...I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."

But honestly, they sound American.


Nope.  Wedding took place in Hamilton, Ontario, and the newlyweds are Italian and Croatian, according to TFA.  But hey, thanks for assuming all Americans are rude assholes.

/we're not
//just the ones that post on Fark
///if I were the gift giver, my response would be brought to them by the letters G, F, and Y.
 
2013-06-19 05:40:40 PM  

Rye_: When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash.  We weren't expecting that.


Do people not do the money dance? Is that just a "where I'm from" thing?
 
2013-06-19 05:42:06 PM  

Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.


He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.
 
2013-06-19 05:42:12 PM  

Englebert Slaptyback: She says Mason's gift was the laughingstock of the wedding. At a post-wedding pool party the next day, friends and family stopped by the living room to get a look at the basket that's still on display in their home.


"Laughingstock"? Really? It sounds like the brides' friends and family are also rude and petty. How marvelous.


In fairness, this was one of the brides was claiming it's a laughingstock.  My guess is that the guests at the pool party were awkwardly laughing and thinking about how superficial the bride was as she ranted about the gift and made a showpiece of it.
 
2013-06-19 05:42:19 PM  
So, no to gay marriage, amieight?
 
2013-06-19 05:42:28 PM  
Horrible people. wedding receptions are about celebrating your newly shackled-ness with your favorite friends and family. presents and cash are a perk of course. my reception took an interesting turn when i was introduced to an alleged catholic tradition of stuffing money in my dress and pinning money to my dress.
img.fark.net
 
2013-06-19 05:42:28 PM  

jigger: Rye_: When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash.  We weren't expecting that.

Do people not do the money dance? Is that just a "where I'm from" thing?


It's cultural thing not shared by most Americans.
 
2013-06-19 05:42:34 PM  
They must have seen Goodfellas and thought their gifts were all going to be in small envelopes.
 
2013-06-19 05:42:43 PM  
I just tick the box that says Will Not Attend and I never have to think about a gift
 
2013-06-19 05:42:57 PM  

noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.


Have a goddamn registry.
 
2013-06-19 05:43:11 PM  

jigger: Rye_: When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash.  We weren't expecting that.

Do people not do the money dance? Is that just a "where I'm from" thing?


We didn't even have a discussion about that.  It's tacky.
 
2013-06-19 05:43:15 PM  
Weddings aren't about collecting gifts, weddings are about which Bridesmaid you want to rail in the fitting room.

For my wedding, I didn't even recall who gave how much, if anything, and It didn't matter to me. As long as they choose to take time out of their life to celebrate with us, that was more than enough.  Plus we gave gifts to everyone that attended.

/One of my good buddies spent the 'envelope' on beer as the Limo didn't have any.  He got it back to me another time, its all cool, Bro
 
2013-06-19 05:43:23 PM  

TheDumbBlonde


"Cover your plate" is concept unheard of where I come from. Some people are raised by wolves.


Likewise, and agreed about the wolves. When did this become a thing?? I've been to several weddings in recent years and everyone had registries.

Of course, these were all nice people and not raging b*tchmonsters like those in TFA.
 
2013-06-19 05:44:37 PM  
I was with the gift-givers until they engaged the brides in their ungrateful assholery. The proper response to a rude question is a shutdown answer and then silence. When they asked for a receipt, the guests should have sent them a bill for the suit, dress, travel, time off work, et al. Then deduct $40 for cost of gift and sign "You'll get your receipt when we get your payment."
 
2013-06-19 05:44:54 PM  

mrswood: Horrible people. wedding receptions are about celebrating your newly shackled-ness with your favorite friends and family. presents and cash are a perk of course. my reception took an interesting turn when i was introduced to an alleged catholic tradition of stuffing money in my dress and pinning money to my dress.
[img.fark.net image 551x720]


Right. The money dance.

Rye_: jigger: Rye_: When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash.  We weren't expecting that.

Do people not do the money dance? Is that just a "where I'm from" thing?

We didn't even have a discussion about that.  It's tacky.


But the wedding itself isn't.
 
2013-06-19 05:45:01 PM  
I expected this to be in Long Island. Fooled me.
 
2013-06-19 05:45:23 PM  

TheDumbBlonde: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.

It's outrageously rude to mention anything about gifts or registries period. It's begging and it's tasteless.


Ah, fair enough.  Seems the general consensus is that it is rude then.  I guess that wouldn't have been a good idea for them either.

I've actually had a couple of wedding invitations that had this on the card.  Didn't seem rude to me at the time but being a single guy it's not like weddings are something that interest me much.
 
2013-06-19 05:45:40 PM  

cowgirl toffee


Tell her you want the candy back when the husband smartens up and gets a divorce.


Know how we can tell you didn't RTFA?
 
2013-06-19 05:46:02 PM  

jst3p: noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.


Think of it as a registry with just one gift on it.  Cash.

That said, if you didn't specify beforehand, you have no right to complain, and even if you did and somebody got you something you weren't expecting, you should at least be gracious about it.
 
2013-06-19 05:46:40 PM  

jst3p: noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.


No - we already have two houses' worth of shiat.  We don't need anymore shiat - we have to get rid of a bunch of it.  Just give money.  It's easy.  But no - you're gonna give me that third bread machine, aren't ya.
 
2013-06-19 05:47:04 PM  

jigger: mrswood: Horrible people. wedding receptions are about celebrating your newly shackled-ness with your favorite friends and family. presents and cash are a perk of course. my reception took an interesting turn when i was introduced to an alleged catholic tradition of stuffing money in my dress and pinning money to my dress.
[img.fark.net image 551x720]

Right. The money dance.

Rye_: jigger: Rye_: When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash.  We weren't expecting that.

Do people not do the money dance? Is that just a "where I'm from" thing?

We didn't even have a discussion about that.  It's tacky.

But the wedding itself isn't.


Many weddings are tacky, I suppose.
 
2013-06-19 05:48:30 PM  

Englebert Slaptyback: cowgirl toffee

Tell her you want the candy back when the husband smartens up and gets a divorce.


Know how we can tell you didn't RTFA?


I CAN'T READ!  :,(
 
2013-06-19 05:48:35 PM  
Hello crass. Meet crasser
 
2013-06-19 05:48:55 PM  

MadAzza: What a farking coont.

My now-ex and I got married on the beach in Kailua, near our house. We were delighted to have a few friends and our families there, most of whom had to fly from the mainland.


Nobody cares that you live in Hawaii.
 
2013-06-19 05:48:55 PM  

Rye_: Many weddings are tacky, I suppose.


99% of them are, IMO.
 
2013-06-19 05:49:14 PM  
20 months ago, wedding venue, reception, food, flowers, cake, the works....$16,000. Had a great party with great people. Didn't even look at the gifts for a week...I was busy with my wife and she was busy with me. As a guest I would not have given the basket as a host I would not have biatched about it. They can both DIAF.
 
2013-06-19 05:49:33 PM  

balki1867


In fairness, this was one of the brides was claiming it's a laughingstock. My guess is that the guests at the pool party were awkwardly laughing and thinking about how superficial the bride was as she ranted about the gift and made a showpiece of it.


I'd like to think that's how it happened, but have a hard time believing too many non-jackasses would want to hang out with the horrid bride.
 
2013-06-19 05:49:52 PM  
Attention people who are getting married.  Your wedding is for you, not anyone else.  You are throwing yourself your own party in your own honor.  To expect anyone else to pick up any part of that tab is beyond ridiculous.  Now most people will bring a gift because that is the socially acceptable thing to do.  But unless your invitation specifically states that you must bring a gift to attend and furthermore includes a minimum amount for the gift then consider yourself lucky to get what you do.
 
2013-06-19 05:49:55 PM  

noitsnot: jst3p: noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.

No - we already have two houses' worth of shiat.  We don't need anymore shiat - we have to get rid of a bunch of it.  Just give money.  It's easy.  But no - you're gonna give me that third bread machine, aren't ya.


If you don't need anything why are you expecting a gift?
Did you give me back the gift I gave you at your last marriage that failed? How many wedding gifts am I expected to give an individual over a lifetime?
 
2013-06-19 05:50:02 PM  

jigger: Rye_: Many weddings are tacky, I suppose.

99% of them are, IMO.


What makes the 1% not tacky?
 
2013-06-19 05:50:03 PM  
It's stories like this that make me realize how great my wife is.  We had a BBQ for all our friends and family for our wedding reception and pocketed our parent's generous wedding fund.  We never had to live in an apartment at any point in our marriage.
 
2013-06-19 05:50:18 PM  

Fish in a Barrel: I'll probably never wind up getting married (so, so alone...)


*checks profile*

If you're ever on Oahu, look me up. We can to Koko Head Range for bang-bang in the morning, break for lunch, then have a couple of drinks on the beach, if you're into that kind of thing. I don't currently own a firearm, but that won't be a problem.

I'm not flirting, I just enjoy target shooting, and could probably learn a lot from you.
 
2013-06-19 05:50:24 PM  

jigger: Kraftwerk Orange: space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?

People who place no value on friends or family.  Because if the money runs out, they're all you're going to have...

You think if their money runs out they'd still have friends? Family, maybe. Maybe.


Well, maybe not those people if that's their social norm.  My friends, however, are cheap, loyal bastages, and aren't going anywhere.

The Kraftwerk Orange nuptials were free, because our minister likes us and thought that a church wedding was part of the deal to have us as members.  The reception was a blast, small, but well provisioned by a local tapas bar for an extremely reasonable price. We didn't want to do the whole Charleston "shrimp and grits" cliche that's been done to death.


/// yum, pork belly BLTs
 
2013-06-19 05:51:02 PM  

The sound of one hand clapping: Ah, fair enough.  Seems the general consensus is that it is rude then.  I guess that wouldn't have been a good idea for them either.I've actually had a couple of wedding invitations that had this on the card.  Didn't seem rude to me at the time but being a single guy it's not like weddings are something that interest me much.


It's pretty common to tell people where you're registered. It's an entirely different thing to get upset if they don't buy you something from the registry, or give you something that doesn't meet your satisfaction.
 
2013-06-19 05:51:59 PM  

noitsnot: jst3p: noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.

No - we already have two houses' worth of shiat.  We don't need anymore shiat - we have to get rid of a bunch of it.  Just give money.  It's easy.  But no - you're gonna give me that third bread machine, aren't ya.


Actually for the last wedding I went to, the invites basically said "the bride and groom already have everything they need - this is their favorite charity, please donate to it if you would like to celebrate their union with a gift" or some similar verbiage.
 
2013-06-19 05:52:17 PM  
wedding are a huge waste of time and money.

and that is definitely womens' fault
 
2013-06-19 05:52:52 PM  

TheDumbBlonde: "Cover your plate" is concept unheard of where I come from. Some people are raised by wolves.


It's what people who view weddings as profit centers think. And they are trying to convince the rest of us that we're the idiots. Idiots who think that funding someone else's wedding and/or honeymoon and/or first house is an "honor."
 
2013-06-19 05:53:03 PM  

noitsnot: noitsnot: jst3p: noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.

No - we already have two houses' worth of shiat.  We don't need anymore shiat - we have to get rid of a bunch of it.  Just give money.  It's easy.  But no - you're gonna give me that third bread machine, aren't ya.

Actually for the last wedding I went to, the invites basically said "the bride and groom already have everything they need - this is their favorite charity, please donate to it if you would like to celebrate their union with a gift" or some similar verbiage.


"Human Fund" here I come.
 
2013-06-19 05:53:41 PM  

The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.



I agree with you. My girlfriend and I already lived alone before we moved in together and now have 2 blenders, 2 knife sets, etc. The last thing in the world we need is stuff for the house. I ran the idea by her to just ask for money and she looked at me with horror, like I'd suggested charging for admission. She actually said we should register for gifts we don't need and then return them. What the hell is the point of that? Why make someone drive across town for a present we don't want when they would probably be happier writing a check?
 
2013-06-19 05:54:06 PM  

Rye_: When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash.  We weren't expecting that.  We just wanted to have a great party with our family and friends.

I've never heard that "the purpose of a wedding is to make money."  Laura sounds like a horrible person.


Same here, and my wedding was just back in October. We ran the gamut of no gift at all from some people (which is perfectly fine, I'm just glad they came), to getting a $500 check from someone I had never even spoken to before and everything in between.
 
2013-06-19 05:55:33 PM  
I don't even bother with registries.  If I'm going to a wedding, it's because either the bride or the groom is a friend of mine.  If you're a friend of mine, I know you, and I know what you like/need for your life together.

If I don't consider someone a good friend, and I need to look up a registry for a gift, I'm not going to the wedding.
 
2013-06-19 05:55:56 PM  
Getting married in October and I have little to do with planning anything (except input on the food, cake, and honeymoon destination - you know, the important shiat).

A lot of supposed "wedding etiquette" has taken me by surprise, but I'll confirm that everything I hear from family, friends and wedding planners leads me to believe that "covering the plate" is generally the norm in America. Not that I care or have even thought about it till I read this whining biatch bag's story, but it seems everyone (except me?) seemed to know this information going in. Whatevs.

My questions would be 1) how in the name of baby jesus did you get to $200 a person? Were they having gold crusted steak stuffed with Fabrege eggs? We have a four hour open bar and choice of prime rib or some chicken dish the future Mrs. Patronick313 loved at the tasting and it's not even close to 100 a person. That just seems insane. And 2) In what universe does scolding a wedding guest not just make you feel like a completely ungrateful super coont?  If I were her family I'd be humiliated. The lack of class this couple showed was just weapons grade. You write a thank you, tell them you loved it and should be grateful they choose to spend their time and money on your special day.
 
2013-06-19 05:55:59 PM  

mrswood: Horrible people. wedding receptions are about celebrating your newly shackled-ness with your favorite friends and family. presents and cash are a perk of course. my reception took an interesting turn when i was introduced to an alleged catholic tradition of stuffing money in my dress and pinning money to my dress.
[img.fark.net image 551x720]


Lots of Catholicism where I live (high Filipino immigrant/descendant population). I refuse to participate in that tacky crap. I think it's just terrible! I don't get invited to many weddings, thank goodness.
 
2013-06-19 05:56:32 PM  
I would never want a woman so vapid and mindless and to want to do all this vapid stupid waste of money wedding bullshiat. Talk about your uber rich, white people problems. The only thing more self absorbed and horrible than a soon to be "wedding industry" bride is a new yuppie mother to a toddler.
 
2013-06-19 05:56:40 PM  
tackyweddings.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-06-19 05:56:46 PM  

pmmal: I was with the gift-givers until they engaged the brides in their ungrateful assholery. The proper response to a rude question is a shutdown answer and then silence. When they asked for a receipt, the guests should have sent them a bill for the suit, dress, travel, time off work, et al. Then deduct $40 for cost of gift and sign "You'll get your receipt when we get your payment."


Pretty much this.
However, the rudeness was so over the top it just had to be shared.
 
2013-06-19 05:57:31 PM  

Rye_: jigger: mrswood: Horrible people. wedding receptions are about celebrating your newly shackled-ness with your favorite friends and family. presents and cash are a perk of course. my reception took an interesting turn when i was introduced to an alleged catholic tradition of stuffing money in my dress and pinning money to my dress.
[img.fark.net image 551x720]

Right. The money dance.

Rye_: jigger: Rye_: When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash.  We weren't expecting that.

Do people not do the money dance? Is that just a "where I'm from" thing?

We didn't even have a discussion about that.  It's tacky.

But the wedding itself isn't.

Many weddings are tacky, I suppose.


there was no like dollar dance or whatevs, just guests politely giving me cash. i was a little weirded out but just went with it. nice surprise for me...i mean US.
 
2013-06-19 05:57:43 PM  
http://chineseculture.about.com/od/chinesefestivals/a/Chinese-Wedding- Gifts.htm
 
2013-06-19 05:58:03 PM  

Rye_: jigger: Rye_: Many weddings are tacky, I suppose.

99% of them are, IMO.

What makes the 1% not tacky?


They just say their vows, maybe there are a few people there. Otherwise, to me, the whole process is just kinda ... tacky.
 
2013-06-19 05:58:03 PM  

Pincy: noitsnot: noitsnot: jst3p: noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.

No - we already have two houses' worth of shiat.  We don't need anymore shiat - we have to get rid of a bunch of it.  Just give money.  It's easy.  But no - you're gonna give me that third bread machine, aren't ya.

Actually for the last wedding I went to, the invites basically said "the bride and groom already have everything they need - this is their favorite charity, please donate to it if you would like to celebrate their union with a gift" or some similar verbiage.

"Human Fund" here I come.


4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-06-19 05:58:06 PM  
Must have something to do with global climate change, but it seems like vagina centipedes are really thriving in the heat!
 
2013-06-19 05:58:36 PM  
Damn these stupid breeders!!!
 
2013-06-19 05:58:53 PM  
Generosity should not be quantified; that is to say Hope for it but don't expect it. I am of the opinion that money is nice but it is SUPER tacky to request it in lieu of gifts.

For me, I actually didn't ask for any gifts back when I was married; I mean, who needs more stuff? (I suppose young couples might, but still...) - also, I refused to ask for cash. I just simply requested that people wrote checks to a handful of charities, like the Heart Association, etc.

/I sound fat
///am I doing it right? lol
 
2013-06-19 05:59:13 PM  

djmed: wedding are a huge waste of time and money.

and that is definitely womens' fault


I'm putting a hard cap of $5,000 on my wedding. My current girlfriend is slowly coming around to how much of a racket the wedding industry is and if you just take 5 minutes to do any of the stuff you "have to do" on your own you can spend less than half what people usually spend.

/She gave me shiat at first saying "But it's my special day and I've been looking forward to it forever." I said "Well it's my special day too and I'm not spending the money we could spend on a brand new car for a 5 hour party."
//Seriously, I've organized events for 250+ people for a nonprofit with a yearlong budget of $50,000, large events are not as expensive as wedding magazines and moron girlfriends make you think.
 
2013-06-19 06:00:15 PM  
People who attend your wedding are your guests.  Guests should be expected to pay nothing for your invitation to spend their time celebrating your happy occasion.
 
2013-06-19 06:00:15 PM  

TheDumbBlonde: "Cover your plate" is concept unheard of where I come from. Some people are raised by wolves.


It is new to me. Probably invented by the same shallow bastards who judge proposal worth by carat count, or some New York City culture writer trying to establish a dollar value metric for what used to be etiquette and courtesy.

I've never in my life considered the cost of the reception when considering how I'd like to honor the new couple.

Then again, I go to weddings to celebrate with my friends and family. Any wedding where I would be expected to consider the cost of your own celebration is a wedding for a vapid attention whore who sees me as little more than a sales call.

fark that, I don't befriend people like that.
 
2013-06-19 06:00:18 PM  
This is a cultural mismatch. Poor people in Italy and Eastern Europe threw enormous weddings, and the whole village chipped in to pay for it. The English-German culture that preceded them to America expected the bride's father to cover the whole thing. If they were poor, they had a very modest wedding.

But bridezilla there could have done a little research before she let her friends have it. Coming from English Protestant roots, I've never given a wedding gift worth more than $50, and I've given cash only when I couldn't think of something more thoughtful. My wife and I paid for our wedding, with an open bar, a DJ and heavy hors d'ouevres, and the whole thing ran us about five grand. I don't recall getting any cash gifts. Hell, I can only really recall one gift we got, a carving board that I use all the time.
 
2013-06-19 06:00:33 PM  

Patronick313: A lot of supposed "wedding etiquette" has taken me by surprise, but I'll confirm that everything I hear from family, friends and wedding planners leads me to believe that "covering the plate" is generally the norm in America.


Except that nowadays they spend so much on weddings that covering the plate can be a lot more than you think it is.

If you need to rely on people "covering the plate" in order to throw your wedding then you need to have a less expensive wedding.
 
2013-06-19 06:00:38 PM  
So this is why the homogays have been pushing for marriage? Because they wanted to make it a money making venture? CHRIST, wasn't it enough to have a monopoly on wedding planning, decorating, and styling the brides? They want the money on both ends.

Jeez, this is like my dad selling condoms with holes poked in them to sailors, and my mom performed abortions.My, how the money rolled in.
 
2013-06-19 06:00:59 PM  
My wife and I were married 9 years ago in August. We were both only a year out of school so we kept our wedding cheap. ~$5K for the whole thing. We had a bunch of family and friends and everyone was happy. Our most expensive gift? A $50 set of steak knives that still get used regularly. And we were thrilled. I went to a Korean friend's wedding and the food was over $75 a plate. Before we got to the open bar... again, we were only a few years out of school so their gift was under $100. And you know what? They sent a thank you note and we still get together a few times a year even though we live on opposite sides of the country.
 
2013-06-19 06:01:12 PM  

bmfderek: I don't even bother with registries.  If I'm going to a wedding, it's because either the bride or the groom is a friend of mine.  If you're a friend of mine, I know you, and I know what you like/need for your life together.

If I don't consider someone a good friend, and I need to look up a registry for a gift, I'm not going to the wedding.


This is how it was for the last invite I got where they asked for money.  If they hadn't specified in the invitation what they wanted, I'd have asked the groom, who is one of my best mates.  That would have probably gone something like this:

'So, what do you want as a gift for your wedding?'
'Dunno.  Money would be useful I guess.'
'OK, cool.'

No stress.  No hurt feelings.  No need for any arguments after the fact.  But then we are guys so blessedly things like that are pretty damn simple.
 
2013-06-19 06:01:22 PM  
Google is your friend. Can't properly link from my phone
http://weddings.weddingchannel.com/wedding-planning-ideas/wedding-eti q uette/articles/giving-money.aspx
 
2013-06-19 06:03:18 PM  

The sound of one hand clapping: TheDumbBlonde: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.

It's outrageously rude to mention anything about gifts or registries period. It's begging and it's tasteless.

Ah, fair enough.  Seems the general consensus is that it is rude then.  I guess that wouldn't have been a good idea for them either.

I've actually had a couple of wedding invitations that had this on the card.  Didn't seem rude to me at the time but being a single guy it's not like weddings are something that interest me much.


The correct term for people who ask for money are "panhandlers." Or possibly "a charity."

If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.
 
2013-06-19 06:03:46 PM  

The sound of one hand clapping: But then we are guys so blessedly things like that are pretty damn simple.


That. It's probably not 'polite' to just straight up ask what somebody could use as a wedding gift, but it sure does prevent stupidity like TFA.
 
2013-06-19 06:03:48 PM  
Sounds like a major cultural disconnect, reading TFA all the way through.

In any case, If it's a thing at all in your family, major cash giving, if the guest chooses to do so, is typically reserved for close family / blood ties.  The person described themselves as a 'casual acquaintance' of the bride.   In some European traditions, there probably is a strong tradition of mandatory gift giving for all guests, and maybe there's a farker out there with that background who can elaborate.  But in the Americas that's pretty rare.

Typically what I've seen in my family in the past is the amount of outpouring is dictated by the traditionality of the situation.  If you're very young and getting married for the first time, you get a sizable chunk of gifts and sometimes cash in envelopes.   If you're older and getting re-married, there's not much need for that and the gift giving is minimal.   In neither case was it required at all.

That being said, I haven't gone to a wedding in ages where a gift was expected at all.    Most people just show up, have a good time and go home.   Lately they've all been very low budget weddings with very down to earth people, which is much preferred to the stuffier alternative.

When I was engaged previously, we started to plan a very large wedding, and I quickly realized what a pain in the ass it would be.   Fortunately that did not pan out, and the current Lady and I are happy to get married under a tree with the dirt between our toes, with just some close friends and relatives.  "Spend the money on the honeymoon" is our mantra.

That ex-fiancee did end up getting married recently, and I saw a lot of stressing out about it in her facebook posts.  Glad I dodged that bullet.

$34k is a gob-smacking figure for a wedding, but if you can afford it and that's what you want to do, more power to you I guess.  but man, what kind of four month long honeymoon around the world could you take with that kind of money?   It's also a down payment on a house in less expensive regions.
 
2013-06-19 06:04:23 PM  

jigger: Rye_: jigger: Rye_: Many weddings are tacky, I suppose.

99% of them are, IMO.

What makes the 1% not tacky?

They just say their vows, maybe there are a few people there. Otherwise, to me, the whole process is just kinda ... tacky.


Fair enough.  I'm not a big fan of going to weddings, either, especially the ones where the ceremony is more than just a few minutes long.  Thankfully, I'm old enough now that it doesn't really come up all that often anymore.  Except Wendy, that crazy biatch.  We stopped going after number two.
 
2013-06-19 06:04:40 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.


But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.
 
2013-06-19 06:05:33 PM  

mbillips: This is a cultural mismatch. Poor people in Italy and Eastern Europe threw enormous weddings, and the whole village chipped in to pay for it. The English-German culture that preceded them to America expected the bride's father to cover the whole thing. If they were poor, they had a very modest wedding.

But bridezilla there could have done a little research before she let her friends have it. Coming from English Protestant roots, I've never given a wedding gift worth more than $50, and I've given cash only when I couldn't think of something more thoughtful. My wife and I paid for our wedding, with an open bar, a DJ and heavy hors d'ouevres, and the whole thing ran us about five grand. I don't recall getting any cash gifts. Hell, I can only really recall one gift we got, a carving board that I use all the time.


Having posted what I did above about giving cash I am going to a wedding this weekend and I actually gave cash. They have some website where they can put up different things they are in need of funding (they are getting married in Seattle and camping their way to NC as a honeymoon. They needed parks passes, camping gear and gas money.) Since I had the option to pick a gift or donate to fill a specific need I gave $100 for gas money, because it was the one no one was giving to (the site shows how many of how many requested have been filled). It was pretty cool and had more thought put into it than "please just give us money", in my opinion.
 
2013-06-19 06:05:50 PM  

Magnanimous_J: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.


I agree with you. My girlfriend and I already lived alone before we moved in together and now have 2 blenders, 2 knife sets, etc. The last thing in the world we need is stuff for the house. I ran the idea by her to just ask for money and she looked at me with horror, like I'd suggested charging for admission. She actually said we should register for gifts we don't need and then return them. What the hell is the point of that? Why make someone drive across town for a present we don't want when they would probably be happier writing a check?


I understand the idea behind it. Me and my better half have been living together for almost five years. We have everything we need. We went through the registry and I couldn't come up with nearly enough things that we needed at whatever Crate and Beyond type store she had registered at. It's barren.

I think so many wedding ideas end up looking like a money grab. Her friends are going to give her a shower, and then a bachelorette party and then they're expected to give gifts? It just feels sleazy. We both agreed we'd rather be dead than have a Jack and Jill (friends kept asking about one) because it's literally begging for money. On the other hand, I did like the idea the planner came up with: two jars at the cocktail reception with our names on it. whichever jar gets more money, that person wears the cake, the money to be donated to a charity of some sort.
 
2013-06-19 06:05:59 PM  
Next time you get married print the minimum expected gift amount on the invitation. Or you could sell invitations to family and friends. You could even charge a bit more at the door the day of the wedding.
 
2013-06-19 06:06:07 PM  

kim jong-un: Any wedding where I would be expected to consider the cost of your own celebration is a wedding for a vapid attention whore who sees me as little more than a sales call.

fark that, I don't befriend people like that.


True dat./THIS^^^
 
2013-06-19 06:07:17 PM  
Couples like this are the reason that I dread wedding invitations.

If someone had the gall to tell me to "cover my plate," they better be providing receipts, from which I will deduct my travel expenses. Luckily, I appear to have chosen my friends wisely and have received no complaints (so at least they kept their whining to themselves).
 
2013-06-19 06:07:53 PM  

SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate.


That's nonsensical. How the f*ck do you know, ahead of time or afterward, how much your plate costs? And is that the cost of the food only, or does it include the cost of the whole party divided by how many guests there are?

I can't imagine the kind of brain someone has if they sit there opening wedding gifts and thinking, "OK, this costs $75 at Costco, but maybe they bought it at one of those boutique stores for $110. Or online for $60, but then we have to figure in the cost of shipping ... Gosh, I just don't know whether I should be offended by this one!"
 
2013-06-19 06:08:12 PM  
i wonder who was responsible for tipping the bartender and whether or not they will both be artificially inseminated by gay men with any resulting boys being circumised.
 
2013-06-19 06:08:20 PM  

sugarhi: FTFA: She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hall.

Holy sh*t! Horrible rudeness aside, people are absolutely insane when it comes to shelling out thousands for the spectacle that weddings have become.

Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.


It's just as cheap to hold a ceremony at the site of the reception. 

Mimic_Octopus: swfan: NotoriousW.O.P: Laura disagrees. She chalks it up to cultural differences. She's Italian...

Don't pin this shiat on my people...

Seriously, my take away from the whole thing is, "I had better not go to an Italian wedding, because I clearly have no idea what's expected!"  Glad to know my clumsy stereotyping was way out of line.

The gift was kind of cheesy, but somebody better be a relative or very close friend of mine for me to give $150+ at their wedding.  My scale (in Denver, CO) would be: $50 to an acquaintance, $100 to a coworker / friend, $200 to family / close friend.

rest assured, there are no lesbian Italian weddings. these biatches would be excommunicated and socially ostracized.   Believe it or not, most if the world is not a farking gaylord paradise.


jigger: Rye_: When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash.  We weren't expecting that.

Do people not do the money dance? Is that just a "where I'm from" thing?


The what? And apparently.
 
2013-06-19 06:08:41 PM  

Patronick313: Getting married in October and I have little to do with planning anything (except input on the food, cake, and honeymoon destination - you know, the important shiat).

A lot of supposed "wedding etiquette" has taken me by surprise, but I'll confirm that everything I hear from family, friends and wedding planners leads me to believe that "covering the plate" is generally the norm in America. Not that I care or have even thought about it till I read this whining biatch bag's story, but it seems everyone (except me?) seemed to know this information going in. Whatevs.

My questions would be 1) how in the name of baby jesus did you get to $200 a person? Were they having gold crusted steak stuffed with Fabrege eggs? We have a four hour open bar and choice of prime rib or some chicken dish the future Mrs. Patronick313 loved at the tasting and it's not even close to 100 a person. That just seems insane. And 2) In what universe does scolding a wedding guest not just make you feel like a completely ungrateful super coont?  If I were her family I'd be humiliated. The lack of class this couple showed was just weapons grade. You write a thank you, tell them you loved it and should be grateful they choose to spend their time and money on your special day.


Covering the plate is not the norm. A gift is customary but 'covering the plate' is not why you give it, or how you determine how much to spend on it.
 
2013-06-19 06:11:04 PM  
This is why I refuse to go to weddings any more, they have gone from a celebration to a money grab.
 
2013-06-19 06:12:00 PM  

space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?


And who, thinking this, blows $34,000 on a party to raise the money? That's as bad as those "Help me raise £2,000 for a holiday to Macchu Picchu and I'll give a hundred quid to cancer research" scams.
 
2013-06-19 06:12:09 PM  

The sound of one hand clapping: TheDumbBlonde: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.

It's outrageously rude to mention anything about gifts or registries period. It's begging and it's tasteless.

Ah, fair enough.  Seems the general consensus is that it is rude then.  I guess that wouldn't have been a good idea for them either.

I've actually had a couple of wedding invitations that had this on the card.  Didn't seem rude to me at the time but being a single guy it's not like weddings are something that interest me much.


My wife and I didn't mention the registry, but I actually like it being there because I hate doing the "where are they registered grapevine game"

One non tacky way to advertise the registry is to setup a wedding info website and put the registry info there. Then you can send the website address in the invitation. Just keep the registry info off the landing page and tastefully positioned (like a additional info tab).
 
2013-06-19 06:12:50 PM  

ReapTheChaos: This is why I refuse to go to weddings any more, they have gone from a celebration to a money grab.


Ditto.

I told my wife many years ago that I am not doing weddings any more.  I haven't been to one that I have enjoyed (nor does it appear that anybody else enjoys them either).  They all seem like an incredible waste of money to me.  I'm not contributing to that.
 
2013-06-19 06:12:56 PM  
When my wife and me got married, neither of us had a lot of money, and just a couple thousand for the wedding chapel, photographer and the minister and a 3 day honeymoon was a substantial outlay.

For a reception we had a private room at a good upscale steakhouse, but we let all the guests know we would NOT be paying for the meals, but in exchange, we weren't asking for any presents.  We still got a few wedding presents from people who insisted (a couple of close friends, and my parents), but everybody seemed cool with the idea that if we weren't paying for a catered reception, we wouldn't ask for presents.

That said, the brides were biatches.  You take the present you get and be gracious.  Some people can't afford to lay out for a big present.  Don't go into it expecting to break even.
 
2013-06-19 06:13:31 PM  

swfan: NotoriousW.O.P: Laura disagrees. She chalks it up to cultural differences. She's Italian...

Don't pin this shiat on my people...

Seriously, my take away from the whole thing is, "I had better not go to an Italian wedding, because I clearly have no idea what's expected!"  Glad to know my clumsy stereotyping was way out of line.

The gift was kind of cheesy, but somebody better be a relative or very close friend of mine for me to give $150+ at their wedding.  My scale (in Denver, CO) would be: $50 to an acquaintance, $100 to a coworker / friend, $200 to family / close friend.


What a dumb coont. First: The bride's parents pay for a traditional Italian wedding. So either they don't like you being the ghey or they don't have the money, but you have already failed the, "I'm Italian and that's the way it always is" test.

Second: It is "traditional" at Italian weddings for older (financially established) family members or close friends of family to give the couple money to "get started". It should not be expected (nor requested) of casual acquaintances or peers of the couples age. That's what the Dollar Dance is for.
 
2013-06-19 06:14:04 PM  
Talk about a crass, greedy boor!

I would have replied as follows:

"We could have gotten a much better meal than this for $200. Obviously you were cheated by the caterer. And since you only wanted our presents rather than our presence, you should have just given yourself the money and saved us the time."

When I got married, we had 14 people, including the wedding party. We only invited the people we really, truly wanted to share our wedding ceremony with -- immediate family and a few very close friends. We were sharing our marriage with the people we loved, not putting on a performance for an audience, one for which that audience was expected to pay though the nose. We have wonderful memories, as do our friends, and we've never in 20 years had the slightest regret for not starting off our marriage with an exercise in selfishness and greed.
 
2013-06-19 06:14:10 PM  

TheDumbBlonde: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.

It's outrageously rude to mention anything about gifts or registries period. It's begging and it's tasteless.


We didn't and were told off for being thoughtless and high-maintenance. Weddings are the "Can't Win" zone of modern social intercourse.
 
2013-06-19 06:14:30 PM  

MemeSlave: MadAzza: What a farking coont.

My now-ex and I got married on the beach in Kailua, near our house. We were delighted to have a few friends and our families there, most of whom had to fly from the mainland.

Nobody cares that you live in Hawaii.


Apparently, you do.
 
2013-06-19 06:14:52 PM  
A basket full of packaged sweets is kind of a tacky gift, but it is indeed a gift.  Saying anything but "thank  you, we're going to enjoy it" makes you a rotten spoiled coont.

/some people who came to my wedding never gave us anything.
//it's all good, they were invited because we like their company, not their cash.
 
2013-06-19 06:15:42 PM  

kim jong-un: The sound of one hand clapping: TheDumbBlonde: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.

It's outrageously rude to mention anything about gifts or registries period. It's begging and it's tasteless.

Ah, fair enough.  Seems the general consensus is that it is rude then.  I guess that wouldn't have been a good idea for them either.

I've actually had a couple of wedding invitations that had this on the card.  Didn't seem rude to me at the time but being a single guy it's not like weddings are something that interest me much.

My wife and I didn't mention the registry, but I actually like it being there because I hate doing the "where are they registered grapevine game"

One non tacky way to advertise the registry is to setup a wedding info website and put the registry info there. Then you can send the website address in the invitation. Just keep the registry info off the landing page and tastefully positioned (like a additional info tab).


Makes sense.

A registry should be so if people want to get you a gift they can be assured it's a gift they know you'll use and you don't get a third coffee maker. If you do it online you can set it up so people can indicate what they are planning to buy so it gets crossed off the list. A polite host should expect nothing however. That's what makes them gifts.
 
2013-06-19 06:15:45 PM  

Fano: So this is why the homogays have been pushing for marriage? Because they wanted to make it a money making venture? CHRIST, wasn't it enough to have a monopoly on wedding planning, decorating, and styling the brides? They want the money on both ends.

Jeez, this is like my dad selling condoms with holes poked in them to sailors, and my mom performed abortions.My, how the money rolled in.


I'd 'cover the plate' if I got to see these dykes scissor themselves while thrusting wedding cake into their hairpie holes.  Or maybe if they had a snailtrail race across the dance floor.  Are they hot?  Heck is just one of them hot?
 
2013-06-19 06:15:46 PM  
I got married last weekend, and while we were grateful for the monetary gifts we didn't feel like they were required in any way.
We were just glad everyone came.
 
2013-06-19 06:16:50 PM  

number_man: "fark you...I hope you choke a little on the food...and guess which is tainted with gluten...I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."


Is it the biscuits?

I bet it's the biscuits.
 
2013-06-19 06:17:08 PM  

Magnanimous_J: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.


I agree with you. My girlfriend and I already lived alone before we moved in together and now have 2 blenders, 2 knife sets, etc. The last thing in the world we need is stuff for the house. I ran the idea by her to just ask for money and she looked at me with horror, like I'd suggested charging for admission. She actually said we should register for gifts we don't need and then return them. What the hell is the point of that? Why make someone drive across town for a present we don't want when they would probably be happier writing a check?


A gift card is the closest I've ever come to giving someone money for getting married. Gave my cousin and his wife a Home Depot gift card (they were renovating a house, which they no longer live in). I'm fine with that.

And apparently, they're now on the verge of divorcing. So I'm glad I didn't shell out $200 in cash for a marriage that lasted less than 10 years. If I had, I might be tempted to ask them for a refund. Not really, but that is the obvious conclusion to this line of thinking.

If betrothed couples are entitled to ask for money from their "friends" and family, it's only fair for those friends and family to request a refund when the marriage goes tits up. With interest, because, hey, gotta be practical about these things.
 
2013-06-19 06:17:29 PM  

MadAzza: MemeSlave: MadAzza: What a farking coont.

My now-ex and I got married on the beach in Kailua, near our house. We were delighted to have a few friends and our families there, most of whom had to fly from the mainland.

Nobody cares that you live in Hawaii.

Apparently, you do.


I actually do.  Wish I could swing that.
 
2013-06-19 06:18:30 PM  

Lunchlady: djmed: wedding are a huge waste of time and money.

and that is definitely womens' fault

I'm putting a hard cap of $5,000 on my wedding. My current girlfriend is slowly coming around to how much of a racket the wedding industry is and if you just take 5 minutes to do any of the stuff you "have to do" on your own you can spend less than half what people usually spend.

/She gave me shiat at first saying "But it's my special day and I've been looking forward to it forever." I said "Well it's my special day too and I'm not spending the money we could spend on a brand new car for a 5 hour party."
//Seriously, I've organized events for 250+ people for a nonprofit with a yearlong budget of $50,000, large events are not as expensive as wedding magazines and moron girlfriends make you think.


Our wedding was in December. Everything was already decorated for Xmas. Ceremony was in Heinz Chapel, stunning, and only $750. That included the organist.

Most expensive part was a bus we hired to save people the pain of parking/driving through Pittsburgh. Borrowed a Cadillac from one of the grandparents rather than hire a limo for a 30 minute ride.

Saved enough cash to take the entire month off work for a real honeymoon.
 
kab
2013-06-19 06:19:09 PM  
Whining bride, and a shiatty gift.

Both sides are bad.

Next!
 
2013-06-19 06:19:13 PM  
So, I actually had to look up what the hell a "Dollar Dance" is.  Seems tacky as hell according to my culture.  'Course the chicken dance and garter toss are tacky as hell in my culture.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_Xzx8wg6Q0
 
2013-06-19 06:19:14 PM  

ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.


Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?
 
2013-06-19 06:19:48 PM  

gadian: People who attend your wedding are your guests.  Guests should be expected to pay nothing for your invitation to spend their time celebrating your happy occasion.


QFT.
 
2013-06-19 06:20:20 PM  

SaladMonkey: Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones)


No they aren't.
 
2013-06-19 06:21:59 PM  

orbister: ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.

Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?


Who said anything about advance? I thought you were supposed to mentally estimate a tab throughout the evening and then add/subtract a tip based on the amount of cleavage the bride is showing.
 
2013-06-19 06:22:43 PM  
Wow, what a rude, crude, crass lesbian bxxxx.  If it was money she was after she should have charged admission.
 
2013-06-19 06:22:45 PM  

Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.

But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.


Actually, asking for anything other than somebody's presence in an invitation is rude. There should be no mention whatsoever of gifts in an invitation. It's an invitation. You're supposed to be inviting people to share your special day. Not hitting them up for stuff. The gift thing is a tradition. Now, technically, guests don't have to give a gift. But most people do. As I've mentioned previously, I've given gift cards. Technically the same as money, I guess. But if somebody were to ask directly for money, I'd probably politely decline their invitation. Problem solved. I don't have to feel like I'm being asked to give money to somebody for changing their marital status and they don't have to feel put out because I didn't "cover my plate." Everybody's happy.
 
2013-06-19 06:24:11 PM  

orbister: ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.

Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?


Duh! Put it on the invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith
and
Mr. and Mrs. Mark Franklin Jones
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Mary Ann Smith
and
Edward Malcolm Jones
Your portion comes to $145.83, double that if plus one.
Gift should be of equal or greater value.
 
2013-06-19 06:26:11 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.

But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.

Actually, asking for anything other than somebody's presence in an invitation is rude. There should be no mention whatsoever of gifts in an invitation. It's an invitation. You're supposed to be inviting people to share your special day. Not hitting them up for stuff. The gift thing is a tradition. Now, technically, guests don't have to give a gift. But most people do. As I've mentioned previously, I've given gift cards. Technically the same as money, I guess. But if somebody were to ask directly for money, I'd probably politely decline their invitation. Problem solved. I don't have to feel like I'm being asked to give money to somebody for changing their marital status and they don't have to feel put out because I didn't "cover my plate." Everybody's happy.


My aunt asked for a donation to a shelter in lieu of gifts. It was with the invitation but that's OK I think.
 
2013-06-19 06:27:42 PM  
I suck at shopping, so I usually give gift cards to Willams Sonoma. If you can't find something you need or want there, you have no business existing in polite society, anyway.
 
2013-06-19 06:27:49 PM  
If you want me to cover the cost of the dinner then tell me in the invitation so I can tell you to get lost, I am supposed to be a guest not a profit center
 
2013-06-19 06:28:32 PM  

gadian: So, I actually had to look up what the hell a "Dollar Dance" is.  Seems tacky as hell according to my culture.  'Course the chicken dance and garter toss are tacky as hell in my culture.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_Xzx8wg6Q0


I had to look it up too. It's as bad as peddling on the street. I'd leave a wedding if they pulled that shiat.
 
2013-06-19 06:28:56 PM  
digitalrain:
CSB time...

When Mr. Digitalrain and I were getting married, a few days before the wedding we went to
the mall so my dad, fiance, and son could get final fittings. While we were there, this really
cute blonde and her boyfriend were there (it was prom season and he was getting his tux).

My son, who was 5 at the time and in his tux, goes up to the little blonde and starts chatting
her up. When we got ready to go, my son looks at my and my fiance and says, "Can we
take her home with us?"

Everybody laughed and even the blonde's boyfriend ruffled my son's hair and told him that
he was "gonna go far".

/ end CSB

I hate when five year olds have more game than me. :(
 
2013-06-19 06:29:04 PM  

orbister: ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.

Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?


Duh, the happy couple send you a bill a week or so before the wedding.
 
2013-06-19 06:29:08 PM  

Rye_: MadAzza: MemeSlave: MadAzza: What a farking coont.

My now-ex and I got married on the beach in Kailua, near our house. We were delighted to have a few friends and our families there, most of whom had to fly from the mainland.

Nobody cares that you live in Hawaii.

Apparently, you do.

I actually do.  Wish I could swing that.


It has its ups and downs, but I love it. I often extend invitations to people I barely know to come visit, with the reasoning that if they have a place to stay, they can afford to visit. It's a beautiful place to visit. I'll buy the first round if you make it back.

I probably could have made my earlier point without mentioning Kailua, now that I think about it. I sometimes do mention where I live in Fark threads because I'm wondering if something I experience (or don't experience) is a Hawaii thing, or just a Catholic (or Italian or Filipino) thing, as with the wedding "cash dance" tradition, or what ... just how everyone compares their own experiences to others' based on location, local culture, or what have you.

The "money grab" dance was something I'd never seen before I moved here 20 years ago. I grew up with Catholic friends, so I figured it was a Hawaii thing, or perhaps a more general Pacific Island tradition.

Things are often different here, so I mention it. But I try not to be obnoxious about it. :-)
 
2013-06-19 06:30:03 PM  
I know this is fake because two girls can't get married. Duh.
 
2013-06-19 06:30:45 PM  
What the fark? There is nothing wrong with that gift basket. Plus the schmaltzy note goes well with the basket. Plus they were just casual acquaintances. Hell I gave a wedding couple a shower curtain rod once.

Sounds like a couple of uppity rich-biatch lesbians who inherited money and haven't worked a goddamn day in their lives.
 
2013-06-19 06:32:36 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.

But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.

Actually, asking for anything other than somebody's presence in an invitation is rude. There should be no mention whatsoever of gifts in an invitation. It's an invitation. You're supposed to be inviting people to share your special day. Not hitting them up for stuff. The gift thing is a tradition. Now, technically, guests don't have to give a gift. But most people do. As I've mentioned previously, I've given gift cards. Technically the same as money, I guess. But if somebody were to ask directly for money, I'd probably politely decline their invitation. Problem solved. I don't have to feel like I'm being asked to give money to somebody for changing their marital status and they don't have to feel put out because I didn't "cover my plate." Everybody's happy.



I don't disagree with you, but given that it's a cultural expectation to bring a gift to a wedding, what is the harm in making known that you would appreciate cash instead of a physical present? I give cash every time I go to weddings. I don't feel hit up by it, I'd rather do that then have to track down some stupid wall clock that the bride picked out.
 
2013-06-19 06:32:43 PM  
The bride's a selfish ass, plain and simple. I told my wedding guests that I didn't expect gifts - they were guests, there to attend our wedding. Some folks brought small gifts. Some folks didn't bring gifts. The "gift" was that they were there, in person, to see us get married, and I was quite grateful for the turnout and shared experience.

The only "social etiquette" violated by the gift-givers was not knowing that the bride was a selfish ass that saw her wedding as a damned transaction, and that she expected to be recouped, one way or another, for her costs. Fark her.
 
2013-06-19 06:32:45 PM  

kim jong-un: Smelly Pirate Hooker: Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.

But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.

Actually, asking for anything other than somebody's presence in an invitation is rude. There should be no mention whatsoever of gifts in an invitation. It's an invitation. You're supposed to be inviting people to share your special day. Not hitting them up for stuff. The gift thing is a tradition. Now, technically, guests don't have to give a gift. But most people do. As I've mentioned previously, I've given gift cards. Technically the same as money, I guess. But if somebody were to ask directly for money, I'd probably politely decline their invitation. Problem solved. I don't have to feel like I'm being asked to give money to somebody for changing their marital status and they don't have to feel put out because I didn't "cover my plate." Everybody's happy.

My aunt asked for a donation to a shelter in lieu of gifts. It was with the invitation but that's OK I think.


Technically, not proper etiquette, but ... whatever. I guess it's slightly better when you're soliciting money for people who actually need it, rather than someone throwing an elaborate bash to honor themselves.

Basically, you're not supposed to charge people to attend social events. Unless you label it as a charity event, ie, Race for the Cure or something like that. You're not supposed to make people feel obligated to pay to attend your special day. Unless you just don't like your friends or family.
 
2013-06-19 06:33:01 PM  

jst3p: orbister: ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.

Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?

Duh! Put it on the invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith
and
Mr. and Mrs. Mark Franklin Jones
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Mary Ann Smith
and
Edward Malcolm Jones
Your portion comes to $145.83, double that if plus one.
Gift should be of equal or greater value.


This is why your posts show up in lovely, cheery green
 
2013-06-19 06:33:07 PM  
I can't wait for the follow up when this happy couple gets divorced. I have a feeling it will be epic and will make Fark.
/Learned a lot about weddings reading the thread though.
 
2013-06-19 06:34:13 PM  
these brides suck as human beings. They have absolutely no redeeming value to the human race.

I would have been happy if someone had given me that basket when I got married. I may have thought it was an odd gift, but I would have been happy with it. I didn't invite people to my wedding and reception to try to recoup the costs of having it. I invited them to come celebrate my union and starting a new part of my life. If I got anything in return at all it was just icing on the proverbial cake.
 
2013-06-19 06:34:15 PM  

costermonger: Who said anything about advance? I thought you were supposed to mentally estimate a tab throughout the evening and then add/subtract a tip based on the amount of cleavage the bride is showing.


When there are two brides do you do it on total boobage or geometric mean?
 
2013-06-19 06:34:55 PM  

sugarhi: FTFA: She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hall.

Holy sh*t! Horrible rudeness aside, people are absolutely insane when it comes to shelling out thousands for the spectacle that weddings have become.

Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.


I had a secretary up in New York.  She was geologist getting her certifications / additional degree so she could teach and was working for us for six months.  She wanted to have a small wedding.  Her mother told her that she (the mother) had $40k saved/budgeted for the wedding and if the daughter said no, she'd never see a dime from her again.  They tried to convince her to spend the money on a down payment for a house, pay off her student loan, car, anything.  She wouldn't budge.

The moral of the story:
i.qkme.me
 
2013-06-19 06:36:08 PM  

Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.

But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.

Actually, asking for anything other than somebody's presence in an invitation is rude. There should be no mention whatsoever of gifts in an invitation. It's an invitation. You're supposed to be inviting people to share your special day. Not hitting them up for stuff. The gift thing is a tradition. Now, technically, guests don't have to give a gift. But most people do. As I've mentioned previously, I've given gift cards. Technically the same as money, I guess. But if somebody were to ask directly for money, I'd probably politely decline their invitation. Problem solved. I don't have to feel like I'm being asked to give money to somebody for changing their marital status and they don't have to feel put out because I didn't "cover my plate." Everybody's happy.


I don't disagree with you, but given that it's a cultural expectation to bring a gift to a wedding, what is the harm in making known that you would appreciate cash instead of a physical present? I give cash every time I go to weddings. I don't feel hit up by it, I'd rather do that then have to track down some stupid wall clock that the bride picked out.


I'd appreciate some cash, too. I think I'll throw a party for my next birthday, and mention on the invitation that I'd like money in lieu of gifts. I mean, I have plenty of stuff already. What I really need is money. I have a job, but I'm sure my friends and relatives would have no problem contributing to my bank account.
 
2013-06-19 06:36:27 PM  

Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.

But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.

Actually, asking for anything other than somebody's presence in an invitation is rude. There should be no mention whatsoever of gifts in an invitation. It's an invitation. You're supposed to be inviting people to share your special day. Not hitting them up for stuff. The gift thing is a tradition. Now, technically, guests don't have to give a gift. But most people do. As I've mentioned previously, I've given gift cards. Technically the same as money, I guess. But if somebody were to ask directly for money, I'd probably politely decline their invitation. Problem solved. I don't have to feel like I'm being asked to give money to somebody for changing their marital status and they don't have to feel put out because I didn't "cover my plate." Everybody's happy.


I don't disagree with you, but given that it's a cultural expectation to bring a gift to a wedding, what is the harm in making known that you would appreciate cash instead of a physical present? I give cash every time I go to weddings. I don't feel hit up by it, I'd rather do that then have to track down some stupid wall clock that the bride picked out.


IMHO, there's no harm in it, provided it's stated clearly and in advance. I told my guests, up front and before the ceremony, that nothing was expected of them but their presence.

The selfish ass of a bride decided, after the fact, to criticize gift-givers, even though she set no expectations prior to the ceremony. That's what makes this egregious to me, that she just assumed that the only reason she should spend money on feeding guests was to ensure at least that much, or more, money in return, either in cash or goods, from her guests - and then, when that expectation wasn't met, decided to spew vitriol at the folks who attended her wedding. Not just rude, but insulting to the folks who thought they were attending a wedding instead of a friggin' swap meet or fundraising dinner.
 
2013-06-19 06:38:50 PM  
FTFA: Kathy Mason and her boyfriend gifted a food basket to Laura (who declined to give her last name) ...

Laura Munny-Wannted?
Laura B'Turt?
Laura Wye-Ning?
 
2013-06-19 06:39:56 PM  

mbillips: jigger: Rye_: When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash.  We weren't expecting that.

Do people not do the money dance? Is that just a "where I'm from" thing?

The what? And apparently.


Do a GIS for "money dance."

http://www.google.com/search?q=money+dance&tbm=isch
 
2013-06-19 06:40:11 PM  

space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?


Until early to mid 20th century, this was the norm, especially in Europe and with new immigrants in the US. The wedding showers were for material gifts, the wedding was paid for by the bride's parents, and the guests would give money to the bride and groom to get the couple started. It was never meant to pay off the wedding.

Those brides were totally rude!
 
2013-06-19 06:41:00 PM  

digitalrain: Congrats on the best man gig!


I am actually rather dreading it.  It's not my first time being a best man, and I don't have much of a problem with public speaking.  He was the best man at my wedding a decade ago.  We've known each other since grade school, but haven't seen terribly much of each other since we went off to college.  We do talk on the phone every couple of months.  I know zero of his friends and have only met his fiancee at christmas last year.  I feel he asked me to be nice, but I am really going to have to dig deep to come up with some toast material.
 
2013-06-19 06:41:57 PM  

orbister: SaladMonkey: Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones)

No they aren't.


If you conform to traditional norms, they are. It's an industry that knows you're emotionally invested and you will happy bend over and be financially violated, much like funerals and Hallmark cards.

My wedding was middle-of-the-road. It was a traditional wedding but only about 40 people and we kept the costs reasonable. I remember being shocked at how much the flowers cost but I didn't say a word. I don't remember what the total bill was but it didn't break the bank. We certainly could have spent less (or more).

At the end of the day, throw the kind of wedding you want and don't be a jerk about it.
 
2013-06-19 06:41:59 PM  

mafiageek1980: When Mr Mafiageek1980 and I got married a couple of years ago, we didn't care if we got gifts or not because we were about to move anyway (from Odessa, to Austin). Needless to say, the gifts we got we are still using today (a flask, vegan cookbook, picture frames, candles, etc). We kept it small and fun for EVERYONE (we got drunk and went bowling after the reception). I don't get the whole "Bridezilla" thing. Hell, aren't weddings supposed to be about a union of two people and celebration?

/btw, I would have LOVED if someone got us that gift basket, thank you very much!


Apparently the gift basket is still available.....

///but you might have to pay 200 bucks for it
 
2013-06-19 06:42:25 PM  
FormlessOne:

The selfish ass of a bride decided, after the fact, to criticize gift-givers, even though she set no expectations prior to the ceremony. That's what makes this egregious to me, that she just assumed that the only reason she should spend money on feeding guests was to ensure at least that much, or more, money in return, either in cash or goods, from her guests - and then, when that expectation wasn't met, decided to spew vitriol at the folks who attended her wedding. Not just rude, but insulting to the folks who thought they were attending a wedding instead of a friggin' swap meet or fundraising dinner....

Worse than that, I think - it sounds like in one of the email exchanges (and yeah, I agree with those saying the gift givers shouldn't have even engaged in that business) the bride was expecting an "envelope" regardless...other people brought gifts AND envelopes.  She clearly didn't want cash or goods, she wanted cash.  Unbelievably rude
 
2013-06-19 06:42:30 PM  

ShangriLlama: jst3p: orbister: ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.

Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?

Duh! Put it on the invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith
and
Mr. and Mrs. Mark Franklin Jones
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Mary Ann Smith
and
Edward Malcolm Jones
Your portion comes to $145.83, double that if plus one.
Gift should be of equal or greater value.

This is why your posts show up in lovely, cheery green


Better yet, instead of sending invitations sell tickets!


Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!
Be at the Northwest Weld County's most incredible event!
Food, Dancing, Drinks (pay bar)

And the bonding for life between
Frank Meltzner
and
Christine Stephens
!
Tickets are only $148.53!!!

___ Hell YES I want to go
  ___ I need 2 tickets to this party!!!
___ Not this time, but thanks!

 
2013-06-19 06:43:02 PM  
If I ever get married, which is unlikely, I expect my guests to show up, have a good time, and not make complete asses of themselves. Nothing more.Why didn't they charge admission to the wedding? Would have saved some trouble.I've never even heard of someone thinking they should profit from a wedding. Have any of you?
WELL, i THOUGHT i WAS INVITED TO CELEBRATE THE UNION OF MY FRIENDS, IF YOU EXPECT ME TO "COVER" THE COST OF YOUR "CELEBRATION" I AM NOT AT ALL SURE I WANT T EVEN KNOW YOU.
 
2013-06-19 06:46:45 PM  

catmandu: space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?

Until early to mid 20th century, this was the norm, especially in Europe and with new immigrants in the US. The wedding showers were for material gifts, the wedding was paid for by the bride's parents, and the guests would give money to the bride and groom to get the couple started. It was never meant to pay off the wedding.

Those brides were totally rude!


Sorta the same with students graduating you contact everyone you know hoping they give money to get ya started but you don't expect it to pay off student loans. Bridezilla was rude.
 
2013-06-19 06:47:55 PM  
oldfurr +1

If you're expecting me to show up to your shindig with any more than my wildly inappropriate wit, you've set the bar too high.
 
2013-06-19 06:49:44 PM  

mafiageek1980: When Mr Mafiageek1980 and I got married a couple of years ago, we didn't care if we got gifts or not because we were about to move anyway (from Odessa, to Austin). Needless to say, the gifts we got we are still using today (a flask, vegan cookbook, picture frames, candles, etc). We kept it small and fun for EVERYONE (we got drunk and went bowling after the reception). I don't get the whole "Bridezilla" thing. Hell, aren't weddings supposed to be about a union of two people and celebration?

/btw, I would have LOVED if someone got us that gift basket, thank you very much!


Drunk bowling?  Sounds a hell of a lot more fun than most wedding receptions I've been to.
 
2013-06-19 06:50:53 PM  
Well, of COURSE things like this are going to happen when there are two brides! Double the bridezilla apparently lowers gifting tact into the negative figures.

Also, any coonts who have a wedding that large deserve oodles of debt. Particularly after this gem:

"I don't know what day or century they're living in ... it must have been a regifted gift," Laura says. "I just spent $200 for you and your guest to come and you guys must have given me $40 back."

Fark you, biatch!
 
2013-06-19 06:52:20 PM  
Wedding registeries were, where I come from, traditionally a local jeweler/fine gifts shop where the bride to be registered her china and silver patterns for the convenience of guests  WHO CHOSE TO USE IT. You didn't go to freaking Target and register for sheets and towels and egg poachers! You took what you received, were grateful not matter how tacky and wrote a goddamned thank you note. The whole lack of manners is out of control. It's out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

/Meh
 
2013-06-19 06:54:03 PM  

Jument: orbister: SaladMonkey: Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones)

No they aren't.

If you conform to traditional norms, they are.


It depends what you mean by "traditional". One sort of traditional is "Go to church, get married, have a party in the church hall or at the bigger parental home, get on with life." Maybe with a bridesmaid and a best man.

A huge industry has grown up to convince people that traditional actually means "wildly expensive dresses, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flowers, trumpeter, two choirs, more flowers, overpriced meal for two hundred, personal appearances by the late Michael Jackson and the Pope" and so on. It's not traditional at all - it's whatever stupid, extravagant, tacky ideas wedding planners can pull out of their arses and sell - literally and metaphorically - to gullible people with little experience of formal functions, inferiority complexes and a desperate need to feel that they are doing it right.

The result, as someone said upthread, is people who worry far too much about one day and not nearly enough about the following lifetime, and damn nearly bankrupt themselves in the process.

And ... relax ...
 
2013-06-19 06:54:03 PM  

mrswood: Horrible people. wedding receptions are about celebrating your newly shackled-ness with your favorite friends and family. presents and cash are a perk of course. my reception took an interesting turn when i was introduced to an alleged catholic tradition of stuffing money in my dress and pinning money to my dress.
[img.fark.net image 551x720]


WHOA!! She's getting quite a bit of mileage outta dat dollah!
 
2013-06-19 06:54:41 PM  
That gift was original, and awesome.  Nobody is ever going to remember who got them the champagne flutes or $100.  But the basket full of candy and marshmallow goo will stick in your memory forever.  Top score.
 
2013-06-19 06:56:46 PM  
These two brides sound like awful people.
 
2013-06-19 06:56:46 PM  
Cost 34K ? Cheap wedding and besides I always thought the bride's parents picked up the tab ?
 
2013-06-19 06:57:43 PM  

maxx2112: My response:

Just a note to let you know some coont is using your email to send out rude messages.


I'd tell the Browns someone is using their bit.
 
2013-06-19 06:58:21 PM  
What a coont.
They shouldn't have given her anything.
 
2013-06-19 06:58:36 PM  
Turning down whip cream as a gift? These lesbians have no imagination.

No imagination needed here (NSFW, but not pr0n either)
 
2013-06-19 07:00:36 PM  
"I just spent $200 for you and your guest to come and you guys must have given me $40 back."

My response: Either you should have spent less or you shouldn't have invited me.
 
2013-06-19 07:04:33 PM  

Pincy: "I just spent $200 for you and your guest to come and you guys must have given me $40 back."

My response: Either you should have spent less or you shouldn't have invited me.


That or "you're welcome, I'm usually paid more than that for a day's work".
 
2013-06-19 07:05:05 PM  
taking notes: weddings = fund raiser


ok then...
 
2013-06-19 07:11:14 PM  
What a couple of shiatty people. We didn't anticipate any money at all. In fact we refused to do a "dollar dance" or whatever the fark they're called. It was about the party and the fun for us. Granted we didn't have 300+ people on our guest list, but we still spent $75/plate and the food was fantastic, sprung for servers because we don't care for buffets, and had plenty of booze. We got married at thirty and nearly all of our friends are professionals, so yah, we did get a lot of cash-filled envelopes. But in my mind I never conceived we'd get that much. We only got one actual gift- a really nice globe that sits on display after 13 years and it makes me think of my friends often (one passed away six years ago).
/other things banned included Bob Seger and the stupid garter ritual (although she did throw the flowers thing)
 
2013-06-19 07:12:35 PM  

Aidan: thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.

I'm surprised. I've never even thought of it this way. I'm always glad to be invited, but... Er. I thought I was invited for being me. If the people couldn't afford my presence, I wouldn't have been offended to not be invited. I certainly don't expect to pay my way (unless my dietary requirements are annoyingly picky), or do some kind of tit-for-tat thing.

However, I don't have a lot of experience with weddings, so this could be a very minority view.


I am with you on this. If you invite someone to an event, unless you explicitly ask them to pay for their food, you shouldn't expect them to pay. You think your cousin Erma really *wants* to spend Saturday night corralling her 3 kids at your wedding and paying $100/plate just to watch them refuse to eat anything but cake?

If you don't have enough money to have fancy food at a wedding, don't have it. I get for some people the ceremony is really important, but spending loads of money on it isn't going to make it more or less special or memorable.
 
2013-06-19 07:14:04 PM  
Somewhere in a sea of avarice, vanity, butthurt and storm clouds of "not good enough!", people manage to marry.  Why, I don't know.
 
2013-06-19 07:15:31 PM  
Just wondering... what's the proper term for a gluten intolerant lesbian?

Lesbiac?

Celian?

Celyke?
 
2013-06-19 07:17:11 PM  

TheDumbBlonde: Wedding registeries were, where I come from, traditionally a local jeweler/fine gifts shop where the bride to be registered her china and silver patterns for the convenience of guests  WHO CHOSE TO USE IT. You didn't go to freaking Target and register for sheets and towels and egg poachers! You took what you received, were grateful not matter how tacky and wrote a goddamned thank you note. The whole lack of manners is out of control. It's out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

/Meh


Not only that but in the days of the hope chest the girl would register before she was engaged and family would buy a set of the china or silver for things like birthdays or graduation. The sheets, towels, and egg poachers were the shower gifts.
 
2013-06-19 07:19:27 PM  

Pray 4 Mojo: Just wondering... what's the proper term for a gluten intolerant lesbian?

Lesbiac?

Celian?

Celyke?


Apparently, the proper term is biatchy pain in the ass
 
2013-06-19 07:19:34 PM  

sugarhi: FTFA: She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hall.

Holy sh*t! Horrible rudeness aside, people are absolutely insane when it comes to shelling out thousands for the spectacle that weddings have become.

Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.


Do it. The Mrs. and I went to the courthouse, got married (parents in attendance), then went back to the house for a big party...took off to our honeymoon after about 4 hours or so. I hear the party went on late into the night.

Everyone loved that they didn't have to dress up and sit around in the heat for hours, and it cost us around $2K for the party. That's a win-win.
 
2013-06-19 07:24:13 PM  
For all the ladies who think that if you throw a gazillion dollars at your vanity fandango, you will be a perfect princess 4EVAH, um, it's the starting line, not the finish line.
 
kth
2013-06-19 07:28:38 PM  

swfan: SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate.   Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one.  Moreover, in many cultures, it's an insult NOT to invite people.  So, if you're invited, either don't RSVP, or cover your plate.

Seriously? When did this "cover your plate" crap start? I'm giving the same gift whether the reception is at a five star hotel or the local pizza joint.  Hell, I'd probably give a little more to the couple having the reception at the pizza joint, feeling they could really use the money vs the fools blowing $30k.


This.

I got married almost two years ago, and I've never heard anyone talk like you have to cover your plate as a guest. I clearly was on the wrong crazylady sites. I was horrified when people spent more than about $50 on us, because we're old and have lots of stuff already and we made the 39 guests go to estes park.  Not that I gave back any presents because YAY presents!

The only thing that we openly mocked (and up till now, only among my very close friends) was my friend's parents. The father came up to my husband and handed him two dollar coins (not even silver dollars, just two dollar coins). The mother then wandered up to where I was talking to a high school friend and congratulated us on getting married.  Keep in mind, I was wearing a big blue dress that was very clearly the wedding dress, and my friend was in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.  My husband was wandering around in a kilt that matched my sash. She was oh, so very stoned.
 
2013-06-19 07:29:13 PM  
Dear Bride,

I'm not sure if this is the first dinner-party fundraiser you've held, but next time, you shouldn't confuse people by calling it a wedding.
 
2013-06-19 07:30:58 PM  

OregonVet: What a couple of shiatty people. We didn't anticipate any money at all. In fact we refused to do a "dollar dance" or whatever the fark they're called. It was about the party and the fun for us. Granted we didn't have 300+ people on our guest list, but we still spent $75/plate and the food was fantastic, sprung for servers because we don't care for buffets, and had plenty of booze. We got married at thirty and nearly all of our friends are professionals, so yah, we did get a lot of cash-filled envelopes. But in my mind I never conceived we'd get that much. We only got one actual gift- a really nice globe that sits on display after 13 years and it makes me think of my friends often (one passed away six years ago).
/other things banned included Bob Seger and the stupid garter ritual (although she did throw the flowers thing)


Sounds like what I did.   Spent a little less than that per plate, but it was a beautiful venue that was BYOB and food (I brought the alcohol, my friend catered).  I spent more than others here, but I kept all the glassware, tablecloths, and flatware (only rented the plates and an extra dance floor).   I don't think we quite made back what we spent, but it was worth every penny.  People who spent double what we spent are still amazed what a lot of good planning will do.  It was so "us" and yet didn't skimp.  That's important here.

Back to the topic - the gift was awful.  I got an awful gift too, from a family who even slept at my parents' house to save money.  It was chintzy.  I didn't say anything, but my parents heard all about it.  So I blame both sides.  The bride went way over the top, but she was sort of right - it was a horrible, not well-thought out gift.  A $30 gift card would've been better.

...it did help that I know my wines, spirits, and the bartenders poured very heavily.

...anyone in the NJ area need beautiful stemware, cocktail, or margarita glasses? (100's)
 
2013-06-19 07:31:06 PM  

China White Tea: Dear Bride,

I'm not sure if this is the first dinner-party fundraiser you've held, but next time, you shouldn't confuse people by calling it a wedding.


Outstanding.
 
2013-06-19 07:34:01 PM  

Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"


This.
 
2013-06-19 07:44:09 PM  

Russ1642: I've never even heard of someone thinking they should profit from a wedding. Have any of you?


Sadly, yes. And they divorced less than a year later.
 
2013-06-19 07:47:03 PM  

sugarhi: Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.


We got married (i.e. signed the paperwork) at a dinner with our witnesses, then announced a party for family and friends ~6 weeks later. We took everyone out to supper, went to a hockey game, and then drank with our friends in a hotel room after the old folks went to bed. It wasn't expensive, there was no pressure to invite people who you didn't really want to be there, no boring ceremony, no all-day commitment from guests, no pre-selected meals, no traveling between venues (other than walking from the restaurant to the hockey game) no fancy clothes, and no schedules or rehearsals. No one brought gifts (who brings gifts to a hockey game?), and everyone had a good time, even if they didn't get to live out their dream wedding experience at my expense.

Even if you want one more of those things we intentionally skipped you should build your plan wedding the specific parts you want and forget all the rest. It's dumb to throw a party you don't enjoy (just ask Gatsby).
 
2013-06-19 07:47:15 PM  

think_balance: Russ1642: I've never even heard of someone thinking they should profit from a wedding. Have any of you?

Sadly, yes. And they divorced less than a year later.


And I'm sure this couples divorce will be epic.
 
2013-06-19 07:47:32 PM  
The people who had the bigger breach of etiquette is definitely the brides. You are supposed to deal with these types of things graciously. If you really want to get your point across you use a go between, someone known to both parties, who can mention to basket givers that the gift was not appropriate to the occasion.

The people who gave that gift though... I mean a janky basket with some candy in it? That is not an appropriate wedding gift. I am sure they meant well but really, terrible idea. If money is tight just write a nice card explaining that money is tight and giving what you can, even a gift certificate for $50, more than this gift probably cost, would have been better.
 
2013-06-19 07:47:55 PM  

jst3p: Better yet, instead of sending invitations sell tickets!


Came here to say this.  If you expect your guests to "cover their plates", just be upfront about it and send instructions with the RSVP on how to "confirm their seats" via PayPal.  Hell, even have tiers like a Kickstarter project - have a VIP table with bottle service for covering the plate times three, and for the top four highest givers, allow them to sit at the same table alongside the bride and groom along with custom wedding gifts.

As for a cultural mismatch, that's absolutely okay so along as it doesn't escalate to an Internet pissing match.  I give the advantage to the bride(s) since they're not the ones who brought this to the attention of the masses, even though their response to the gift was snippy and trashy.
 
2013-06-19 07:47:57 PM  

megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"

This.


Well you know ; )
 
2013-06-19 07:53:00 PM  

aacharya: Spent a little less than that per plate,


In all fairness, our contract had the booze built into the meal price. Your connections saved you some dough, what we did was have our wedding in February. In Ohio that cuts the cost quite a bit. And in regards to your on topic comments, I agree I would have been like WTF? if I got a cocoa sampler or something that just didn't have any thought put into it. But it would remain a little joke and minor mockery between my wife and I. But we also invited zero people with whom we aren't actually friends or family.

/on an aside, don't know if you know Ohio well, but nobody likes to get dressed up and go out in February and amazingly it was 72 and sunny on our day- still a record high in Toledo
 
2013-06-19 07:57:11 PM  
Who the FARK invites a "casual acquaintance" to their wedding, and then expect, no.. DEMAND, a monetary gift of at least $150!?!?!

The biatchy coont needs to fark off and die.
 
2013-06-19 07:59:34 PM  

JonZoidberg: digitalrain: Congrats on the best man gig!

I am actually rather dreading it.  It's not my first time being a best man, and I don't have much of a problem with public speaking.  He was the best man at my wedding a decade ago.  We've known each other since grade school, but haven't seen terribly much of each other since we went off to college.  We do talk on the phone every couple of months.  I know zero of his friends and have only met his fiancee at christmas last year.  I feel he asked me to be nice, but I am really going to have to dig deep to come up with some toast material.


Have you talked to his friends to get material for the toast? You could tell him that you're OK with it if he chooses a different best man, giving the reasons you gave here, although that might be difficult. He'd either be hugely relieved or greatly offended. Maybe you could ask his other friends if he's said anything about it?
 
2013-06-19 08:00:53 PM  

SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate.   Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one.  Moreover, in many cultures, it's an insult NOT to invite people.  So, if you're invited, either don't RSVP, or cover your plate.


I'm sorry, but that's bullshiat.  I got married right out of college (people used to do it a long time ago).  In addition to our extended family, we had a lot of college or just out of college friends who meant the world to us that we would have been heartbroken had they not attended.  I knew they couldn't afford big lavish gifts, but I still threw a big lavish wedding, because my grandfather, who had passed away before I got married left me quite a chunk of cash to do so.  My wedding was to celebrate marrying my best friend and to gather all of our friends and family in one place to party down and funky.  Did I get a million dollars in return?  No. But we had a wonderful time.

If what you're saying is true, then that means you can't go to your best friends wedding if you happen to be out of work and can't splurge on a $150 gift.

As for the food basket, I think we're all seeing it through the eyes of the assy bride.  My husband and I used to give gifts of "Taste of Chicago" to people getting married out of our state.  We would buy a gorgeous picnic basket and fill it with fun treats made in Chicago.  Some things were gourmet or fancy, but some were Morton Salt or Lemonhead Candy.  The point was...it was a personal statement from one friend to another not "here's some money like the other 100 people gave you".

I'm sad for the people who gave this gift.  They may have fallen on hard times and couldn't afford the gift they wanted to gift so they thought of being creative. Here's the thanks they get.  Jesus.
 
2013-06-19 08:08:24 PM  
OregonVet:
/other things banned included Bob Seger and the stupid garter ritual (although she did throw the flowers thing)

I have no idea why you banned him or what, if anything, he has to do with weddings in general, but I now have a mental image of Bob Seger banging on the door of your wedding venue before bursting into tears and doing the Slow Slide Down the Wall as he howls, "Why won't you let me innnnn!"
 
2013-06-19 08:09:15 PM  

SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate. Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one.


Marketers must love you.
 
2013-06-19 08:09:22 PM  
Worldwalker:
When I got married, we had 14 people, including the wedding party. We only invited the people we really, truly wanted to share our wedding ceremony with -- immediate family and a few very close friends. We were sharing our marriage with the people we loved, not putting on a performance for an audience, one for which that audience was expected to pay though the nose. We have wonderful memories, as do our friends, and we've never in 20 years had the slightest regret for not starting off our marriage with an exercise in selfishness and greed.

OOO! You have everyone all figured out. So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"?  It is possible for people filled with love and sincerity to host a large wedding and still have it be meaningful and memorable.  I, too have been married for nearly 20 years and I wouldn't change one thing about my wedding.
 
2013-06-19 08:13:09 PM  
Apparently I've been raised under a rock. I've never been asked to "cover my plate" at anything. As poor as I am, if that were of me I'd check "We regret to inform you..." and do something else that day.

/TF is cheap entertainment
 
2013-06-19 08:18:56 PM  
Weddings are getting out of control.

In off-chance that I get hitched, this is what I want:

1: go to court in pretty, inexpensive dress. Get hitched.
2: go somewhere fun with my s/o and celebrate
3: come home. Throw party with lots of booze and a rented backhoe for funsies

Didn't bring a gift. That's cool...I'm broke, too! Booze is between the dancing girls and bonfire. Be careful. Brought a gift? Much appreciated! Booze is between the dancing girls and the bonfire. Be careful. Everyone: I get dibs on the first backhoe ride.

And marshmallow fluff and Sour Patch Kids (especially the red ones) sounds fantastic.
 
2013-06-19 08:20:33 PM  

teenytinycornteeth: OOO! You have everyone all figured out. So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"? It is possible for people filled with love and sincerity to host a large wedding and still have it be meaningful and memorable. I, too have been married for nearly 20 years and I wouldn't change one thing about my wedding.


It's possible, but for the vast majority of people, the cost/benefit analysis is waaay off. I have a friend who got married. They spent $4k on a dress, $4k on a cake, probably $10k for the venue with food and everything.

They still live in the basement of the father in law's house. I think they spent more on invitations than we spent on our entire wedding.

My wife and I are just as married, and probably at least as happy.
 
2013-06-19 08:20:41 PM  

JonZoidberg: digitalrain: Congrats on the best man gig!

I am actually rather dreading it.  It's not my first time being a best man, and I don't have much of a problem with public speaking.  He was the best man at my wedding a decade ago.  We've known each other since grade school, but haven't seen terribly much of each other since we went off to college.  We do talk on the phone every couple of months.  I know zero of his friends and have only met his fiancee at christmas last year.  I feel he asked me to be nice, but I am really going to have to dig deep to come up with some toast material.


Pics in the tux or it didn't happen.
 
2013-06-19 08:21:28 PM  

MadAzza: JonZoidberg: digitalrain: Congrats on the best man gig!

I am actually rather dreading it.  It's not my first time being a best man, and I don't have much of a problem with public speaking.  He was the best man at my wedding a decade ago.  We've known each other since grade school, but haven't seen terribly much of each other since we went off to college.  We do talk on the phone every couple of months.  I know zero of his friends and have only met his fiancee at christmas last year.  I feel he asked me to be nice, but I am really going to have to dig deep to come up with some toast material.

Have you talked to his friends to get material for the toast? You could tell him that you're OK with it if he chooses a different best man, giving the reasons you gave here, although that might be difficult. He'd either be hugely relieved or greatly offended. Maybe you could ask his other friends if he's said anything about it?


I now suddenly have email addresses for his friends since he sent some planning emails to all of us.  That's probably a good idea.  I thought about giving him an out for picking someone else, but it's probably too late for that.  I bet I can think of some old cub scouts stories to tell.
 
2013-06-19 08:21:31 PM  

megarian: rented backhoe for funsies


...go on...
 
2013-06-19 08:23:43 PM  

Sid_6.7: teenytinycornteeth: OOO! You have everyone all figured out. So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"? It is possible for people filled with love and sincerity to host a large wedding and still have it be meaningful and memorable. I, too have been married for nearly 20 years and I wouldn't change one thing about my wedding.

It's possible, but for the vast majority of people, the cost/benefit analysis is waaay off. I have a friend who got married. They spent $4k on a dress, $4k on a cake, probably $10k for the venue with food and everything.

They still live in the basement of the father in law's house. I think they spent more on invitations than we spent on our entire wedding.

My wife and I are just as married, and probably at least as happy.


Fine. But to say that anyone who doesn't just throw a picnic in their backyard is "exercise in selfishness and greed" and "putting on a performance" is a touch unfair. LIke I said above, I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding because I'd always dreamed of a big wedding. It doesn't mean that we're not happy or in love or selfish or any of those assumptions.  Not spending a ton of cash doesn't automatically make your marriage or your love more sincere or "real".
 
2013-06-19 08:24:26 PM  
Had a western, then an indian wedding last month for less than 12k put together, and it was a nice affair.
 
2013-06-19 08:24:31 PM  

tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"

This.

Well you know ; )


You. I like you.
 
2013-06-19 08:24:51 PM  

megarian: Weddings are getting out of control.

In off-chance that I get hitched, this is what I want:

1: go to court in pretty, inexpensive dress. Get hitched.
2: go somewhere fun with my s/o and celebrate
3: come home. Throw party with lots of booze and a rented backhoe for funsies

Didn't bring a gift. That's cool...I'm broke, too! Booze is between the dancing girls and bonfire. Be careful. Brought a gift? Much appreciated! Booze is between the dancing girls and the bonfire. Be careful. Everyone: I get dibs on the first backhoe ride.

And marshmallow fluff and Sour Patch Kids (especially the red ones) sounds fantastic.


Marry me (with all due respect to Arrested Development)
 
2013-06-19 08:26:36 PM  
[old fart csb alert]

Wow, this thread has been an eye opener.  Way back in the dark ages when Mrs RT & I got married we were the first of our social group to do so (in fact it was the first wedding that I had ever been to - to say I was clueless about the whole thing would be the biggest understatement in history).  She comes from a fairly big family & her parents wanted to make sure that ALL the relatives were able to come if they wanted (& they all did).  So it turned rather quickly into a big production, however our attitude was they're paying for the party, they get to make it as big as they want (we were just the excuse for the get together)***.  It was a week before Christmas so the church was decorated already & looked stunning.  The reception was a huge event that most everyone had to be thrown out of as we were having so much fun.  One of our friends told me later that she was talking to Mrs RT's dad about the cost of the whole thing & his reply was one that's stuck with me all these years.  Essentially it was something along the lines of "My daughter is getting married & I want to celebrate it with the people I love.  Yes the wedding itself cost a bit (this was back before the days of wedding planners & all that silliness), but 75%+ of the cost went to the reception.  I want all my friends & family to have a great time & I don't want the food or booze to run out."  They did & it didn't.

So over the years that has been my advice to people talking about their wedding, no more than 25% of the budget on anything related to the wedding & 75% to making sure that the people coming to celebrate with you have a great time.  As far as gifts go/went we were glad to get whatever people thought to give & continue to use & enjoy some of them to this day.  These days if/when we go to any weddings (rare - but our friends' kids & ours are getting towards that age) I tend to check directly with them as to what would be most useful/appreciated (especially if the registry is filled with silly crap like crystal & china - I think we've used ours less than a dozen times over the past 25 years) & let them know that asking for cash is fine.  If we care enough about them to actually go sit through a wedding, giving them something very nice is something that we want to do (usually because one of the ones getting married is someone that we've watched grow up over the years).  Note, this only applies to first weddings of people in their early 20s.  People beyond that point in life generally have much of what they need & tend to ask that gifts go to charity.  Someone looking at a wedding as a cash grab is someone we probably wouldn't be friends with anyway so to me that isn't an issue.

***Sitting here thinking about the whole thing I don't recall there being a family Christmas party that year (there always was a big one that everyone went to).  Apparently that sneaky bastard Father-in-Law of mine made our reception the Christmas party as well.  Well done Bill, well done...

[/old fart csb alert]
 
2013-06-19 08:28:55 PM  

Sid_6.7: megarian: rented backhoe for funsies

...go on...


Well, maybe that kind of backhoe, too...for the "bridal party".
 
2013-06-19 08:29:20 PM  

megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"

This.

Well you know ; )

You. I like you.


Same, now I just have one question. Have ya ever operated a backhoe?
/They are fun : )
 
2013-06-19 08:29:40 PM  

JonZoidberg: MadAzza: JonZoidberg: digitalrain: Congrats on the best man gig!

I am actually rather dreading it.  It's not my first time being a best man, and I don't have much of a problem with public speaking.  He was the best man at my wedding a decade ago.  We've known each other since grade school, but haven't seen terribly much of each other since we went off to college.  We do talk on the phone every couple of months.  I know zero of his friends and have only met his fiancee at christmas last year.  I feel he asked me to be nice, but I am really going to have to dig deep to come up with some toast material.

Have you talked to his friends to get material for the toast? You could tell him that you're OK with it if he chooses a different best man, giving the reasons you gave here, although that might be difficult. He'd either be hugely relieved or greatly offended. Maybe you could ask his other friends if he's said anything about it?

I now suddenly have email addresses for his friends since he sent some planning emails to all of us.  That's probably a good idea.  I thought about giving him an out for picking someone else, but it's probably too late for that.  I bet I can think of some old cub scouts stories to tell.


You don't need to be longwinded. Brevity is the soul of wit.

Keep it short, keep to the point, and emphasis the emotional themes of union and future. Something like:

"I've known [Groom] since grade school. I was right beside him when [amusing childhood ancedote] happened, I was there when [high school ancedote] happened. I thought perhaps I would be stuck right by him through all of life's travails - but college changed that. I realized that I wouldn't always be there for [groom] like when we were kids. That is why I am so pleased to see him with [bride] on this day, forging a partnership to last. Now [groom] will have a true partner that will love and support him in all the ways I never could. Congratulations to [Bride] and [Groom] - here's to your union."

This isn't hard.
 
2013-06-19 08:30:11 PM  

MadAzza: I have no idea why you banned him or what, if anything, he has to do with weddings in general,


He's from Detroit area, I think, but owned/rented a building where he jammed back in the day about 8 miles from my house. Every wedding around here has a too much of his music and having so many of our friends over the years weddings under our belt, she and I agreed it was not going to happen.
 
2013-06-19 08:30:18 PM  

Pincy: megarian: Weddings are getting out of control.

In off-chance that I get hitched, this is what I want:

1: go to court in pretty, inexpensive dress. Get hitched.
2: go somewhere fun with my s/o and celebrate
3: come home. Throw party with lots of booze and a rented backhoe for funsies

Didn't bring a gift. That's cool...I'm broke, too! Booze is between the dancing girls and bonfire. Be careful. Brought a gift? Much appreciated! Booze is between the dancing girls and the bonfire. Be careful. Everyone: I get dibs on the first backhoe ride.

And marshmallow fluff and Sour Patch Kids (especially the red ones) sounds fantastic.

Marry me (with all due respect to Arrested Development)


Yay! I do!

I can still get drunk, right?
 
2013-06-19 08:30:29 PM  
An old tradition in my family is to give the bride and groom a year's worth of dry goods - 1 giant bag of rice, big bag of beans, powdered milk etc.  The idea being that whatever else the couple goes through that first year, they won't go hungry.  I find that quite touching, but such a thing would be laughed out of modern gift giving.
 
2013-06-19 08:32:10 PM  

tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"

This.

Well you know ; )

You. I like you.

Same, now I just have one question. Have ya ever operated a backhoe?
/They are fun : )


I have. And it was awesome.
 
2013-06-19 08:36:22 PM  

gadian: An old tradition in my family is to give the bride and groom a year's worth of dry goods - 1 giant bag of rice, big bag of beans, powdered milk etc.  The idea being that whatever else the couple goes through that first year, they won't go hungry.  I find that quite touching, but such a thing would be laughed out of modern gift giving.


I think that is really cool.
 
2013-06-19 08:37:26 PM  

gadian: An old tradition in my family is to give the bride and groom a year's worth of dry goods - 1 giant bag of rice, big bag of beans, powdered milk etc.  The idea being that whatever else the couple goes through that first year, they won't go hungry.  I find that quite touching, but such a thing would be laughed out of modern gift giving.


I believe there's another tradition (French?) To give Bread and Salt.  I've seen gorgeous wooden bowls with rustic homemade bread and a pretty jar of salt, tied up in silk  ribbon.  It's tradition, it's thoughtful and you're right, it would be laughed out of town.
 
2013-06-19 08:38:36 PM  

megarian: Pincy: megarian: Weddings are getting out of control.

In off-chance that I get hitched, this is what I want:

1: go to court in pretty, inexpensive dress. Get hitched.
2: go somewhere fun with my s/o and celebrate
3: come home. Throw party with lots of booze and a rented backhoe for funsies

Didn't bring a gift. That's cool...I'm broke, too! Booze is between the dancing girls and bonfire. Be careful. Brought a gift? Much appreciated! Booze is between the dancing girls and the bonfire. Be careful. Everyone: I get dibs on the first backhoe ride.

And marshmallow fluff and Sour Patch Kids (especially the red ones) sounds fantastic.

Marry me (with all due respect to Arrested Development)

Yay! I do!

I can still get drunk, right?


You'd probably need to be drunk before you would be able to convince yourself to get together with me :-)

/Not the best looking guy and I can admit that.
 
2013-06-19 08:39:37 PM  
Hmm...two women marrying each other complaining because something wasn't done in the same way that "normal, functioning people" would do it.

That's irony.
 
2013-06-19 08:40:11 PM  

megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"

This.

Well you know ; )

You. I like you.

Same, now I just have one question. Have ya ever operated a backhoe?
/They are fun : )

I have. And it was awesome.


Cool just checking : )
/And I has a sad now you're marring Pincy :/
 
2013-06-19 08:40:26 PM  

gadian: An old tradition in my family is to give the bride and groom a year's worth of dry goods - 1 giant bag of rice, big bag of beans, powdered milk etc.  The idea being that whatever else the couple goes through that first year, they won't go hungry.  I find that quite touching, but such a thing would be laughed out of modern gift giving.


My dad's side compiles a family cookbook for each wedding (unless there are multiples in a year).  Everyone who submits a recipe usually gets a spiralbound copy and the couple get a bound one.  It's sweet but its a bit of effort to get those put together, just like when I decided (dumbly) to scan all the old photo albums.  We have a big family so the books get pretty thick.

For the last one, I submitted my lentil soup recipe, which is in between America's Test Kitchen's and Alton Brown's.  I could eat it cold outta the fridge.
 
2013-06-19 08:42:12 PM  

Pincy: megarian: Pincy: megarian: Weddings are getting out of control.

In off-chance that I get hitched, this is what I want:

1: go to court in pretty, inexpensive dress. Get hitched.
2: go somewhere fun with my s/o and celebrate
3: come home. Throw party with lots of booze and a rented backhoe for funsies

Didn't bring a gift. That's cool...I'm broke, too! Booze is between the dancing girls and bonfire. Be careful. Brought a gift? Much appreciated! Booze is between the dancing girls and the bonfire. Be careful. Everyone: I get dibs on the first backhoe ride.

And marshmallow fluff and Sour Patch Kids (especially the red ones) sounds fantastic.

Marry me (with all due respect to Arrested Development)

Yay! I do!

I can still get drunk, right?

You'd probably need to be drunk before you would be able to convince yourself to get together with me :-)

/Not the best looking guy and I can admit that.


Don't care. I'm a little nuts. We're even.
 
2013-06-19 08:43:37 PM  
The gift was tacky, but it WAS a gift: not everyone has the means to give very expensive things, and they were invited, and brought what you have to guess was the best they could. You have to accept such a thing in the spirit in which it is given. The bride should have graciously thanked them for it and let it go. To criticize it would be in horribly bad taste.

The missus and I come from European roots.  I grew up in the Polish community in Chicago. Our cultural norm was that while it is great to be invited to a party, nobody wants their good time to bankrupt a young couple just starting out, so if you go, your own conscience demands  give a gift or a lovely card with money, about equal to offsetting the cost of your dinner.  Understand, the new couple does NOT have any expectation of such a gift. But it IS welcomed.

  If you REALLY love the couple, you contribute even more, to put into their "nest egg" and get them off to a solid start.  On the bride and groom's side, you restrict the guest list to the closest family and friends, then as many people outside that circle as you think you can afford, on the assumption that nobody is going to reimburse you.

How it usually works out is that some people attend but stiff you, some RSVP but don't show up, some will mail you a gift but not attend, while a few will attend and pay way more than the customary amount, and if you're lucky you get somewhere close to break-even.

   Our reception for 350 people (big families, 250 actually came) cost  $2,500. We saved up for and paid for everything ourselves, the parents did not have to pay anything.  The per plate/seat cost to us was probably around $20 after all the additions, subtractions, and credits.  Wine and sodas were free, on us. The hard liquor and beer were a cash bar (we're teetotalers). Had we covered an open bar it would have probably doubled the cost.  We had a DJ instead of a band, he sucked, but that's another story. We made our own centerpieces for the decor, containing live plants, which people took home as mementos. We about broke even, maybe "profited" by one or two hundred. We registered at places like Menards or Home Depot for stuff to fix up our new old house, instead of useless junk, but even when people ignored the registered places and sent us chafing dishes and fondue sets, we never complained or asked for receipts or anything like that.


Where we come from, catering a wedding used to cost between 25 and 75 dollars a plate, for a choice between two, full-service, three course dinners, ( a meat  based meal and a fish or pasta alternative)  dessert, and table wine, plus tea, coffee, sodas...   You got surreptitious clues as to what the couple was going to spend because your invitation to the reception included sample menus. You could look at that menu, see which hall they were using, fancy or modest, and guess pretty close to what the per plate cost was, but most people default to fifty bucks and that's a "safe" amount, not too chintzy, not extravagant.

Most receptions I went to (and I used to go to a LOT of them as a wedding videographer) had a "wishing well"; a decorated box for envelopes, partly to keep them organized, partly to make the money easier to keep an eye on.


I never saw a "dollar dance" until I moved south, and I still think they're tacky, but hey, if it is their  local custom, it's not my place to make a deal out of it. As a guest, you are their to wish them well, show support, and share their joy.

A friend of mine at work had a very modest wedding in his backyard with about 25 guests, no dress code,  some barbecue and a bunch of coolers full of beers, and a boom box...  I came dressed casual, but I still brought a card with a fifty in it. They certainly could use the money towards a honeymoon trip. It's just being considerate.
 
2013-06-19 08:45:27 PM  
They werent in it for the money but they expected the people who they invited to be a little more appreciative and caring than bringing a $30, last minute gift to a $34,000 occasion. Think of it like this, would you wear cargo shorts and a bob marley shirt with flip flops to an oscar awards ceremony? No. and if you did people would look down upon you. sure its rude but you are disrespecting everyone by acting like its no big deal since people spend weeks to prepare for those ceremonies. People are only agreeing with the gift givers because this article is biased towards the gift givers and definitely aims to ridicule the newlyweds.

Both parties are at fault, but the newlyweds only became at fault when they voiced their opinions about the crappy gift... honesty hurts i guess.
 
2013-06-19 08:45:35 PM  

sugarhi: FTFA: She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hall.

Holy sh*t! Horrible rudeness aside, people are absolutely insane when it comes to shelling out thousands for the spectacle that weddings have become.

Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.


This is what my husband and I did. We were poor 20-somethings with hand-me-down rings, married at the courthouse in regular clothes in front of just a couple friends and our parents. Went back to mom's house and ate the meal she cooked (which was awesome) and ate the cake she baked (boston creme pie, my favorite). Had a blast.

Then on the weekend after the wedding, mom threw a party at her house and we invited everyone we could think of. It was a semi-pot luck thing, as some people brought food, but mostly my mom cooked everything. A friend of hers who was taking cake-decorating classes was thrilled to make a more "traditional" wedding cake for us. Another friend who was a really good photographer took our pictures and pictures of the party. Dad bought the cases of champagne. Another friend made lumpia in a steady stream out of the kitchen. There was lots to eat, lots to drink, games, music, dancing, lots of fun, a money tree, and lots of presents for hubby and I to open.

We didn't spend ONE SECOND planning this event. The most we did ourselves was make an appointment at the courthouse and the appointment for the blood tests at the doctor's office. Everything else was handled by our parents and friends and we couldn't have been happier about it and how our "big day" turned out.

And we've been married 33 years now. These ladies in the article should be so lucky.

/thanked everyone appropriately for all our gifts, regardless of what they cost
//AND sent out thank-you notes
 
2013-06-19 08:45:42 PM  

tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"

This.

Well you know ; )

You. I like you.

Same, now I just have one question. Have ya ever operated a backhoe?
/They are fun : )

I have. And it was awesome.

Cool just checking : )
/And I has a sad now you're marring Pincy :/


...I'm not against polygamy. Just sayin'.

I can haz harem?

/a girl can dream
 
2013-06-19 08:48:59 PM  

megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"

This.

Well you know ; )

You. I like you.

Same, now I just have one question. Have ya ever operated a backhoe?
/They are fun : )

I have. And it was awesome.

Cool just checking : )
/And I has a sad now you're marring Pincy :/

...I'm not against polygamy. Just sayin'.

I can haz harem?

/a girl can dream


Well you dream is to marry a couple : )
 
2013-06-19 08:49:43 PM  

forbes01: They werent in it for the money but they expected the people who they invited to be a little more appreciative and caring than bringing a $30, last minute gift to a $34,000 occasion. Think of it like this, would you wear cargo shorts and a bob marley shirt with flip flops to an oscar awards ceremony? No. and if you did people would look down upon you. sure its rude but you are disrespecting everyone by acting like its no big deal since people spend weeks to prepare for those ceremonies. People are only agreeing with the gift givers because this article is biased towards the gift givers and definitely aims to ridicule the newlyweds.

Both parties are at fault, but the newlyweds only became at fault when they voiced their opinions about the crappy gift... honesty hurts i guess.


So every guest is supposed to know how much they couple is spending on the wedding now?

If you expect people to help chip in for your wedding then you better state it explicitly on the invitation.  Otherwise, be gracious and stop biatching about the gifts you received.
 
2013-06-19 08:53:00 PM  

teenytinycornteeth: Sid_6.7: teenytinycornteeth: OOO! You have everyone all figured out. So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"? It is possible for people filled with love and sincerity to host a large wedding and still have it be meaningful and memorable. I, too have been married for nearly 20 years and I wouldn't change one thing about my wedding.

It's possible, but for the vast majority of people, the cost/benefit analysis is waaay off. I have a friend who got married. They spent $4k on a dress, $4k on a cake, probably $10k for the venue with food and everything.

They still live in the basement of the father in law's house. I think they spent more on invitations than we spent on our entire wedding.

My wife and I are just as married, and probably at least as happy.

Fine. But to say that anyone who doesn't just throw a picnic in their backyard is "exercise in selfishness and greed" and "putting on a performance" is a touch unfair. LIke I said above, I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding because I'd always dreamed of a big wedding. It doesn't mean that we're not happy or in love or selfish or any of those assumptions.  Not spending a ton of cash doesn't automatically make your marriage or your love more sincere or "real".


No judgement, but if I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding, I would have used that money as a down payment on a house and held the wedding in the backyard.
 
2013-06-19 08:54:12 PM  

space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?


Meh, its changed over the years.

Wedding gifts used to be about getting a start in life, however, not wads of cash. It was more like "we're 19 and getting married. Party in the field behind my parents house. Moms making a ham, dad is out trying to hunt down some rabbits. We will need pots, pans, knives, bedding, and rugs for our new one-room house. thanks!"

Then, it slowly became "we're 25 and getting married. Party at the VFW hall. My uncle's restaurant is bringing the food. a bit of Cash is cool because we could use some gas money for our honeymoon to Niagra Falls"

Today, its "We're 36 and this is our second marriage each. We rented out a Victorian Mansion we saw on HGTV and got Gordon Ramsay to cook for us table side. Bring your credit cards."
 
2013-06-19 08:58:30 PM  

Rye_: teenytinycornteeth: Sid_6.7: teenytinycornteeth: OOO! You have everyone all figured out. So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"? It is possible for people filled with love and sincerity to host a large wedding and still have it be meaningful and memorable. I, too have been married for nearly 20 years and I wouldn't change one thing about my wedding.

It's possible, but for the vast majority of people, the cost/benefit analysis is waaay off. I have a friend who got married. They spent $4k on a dress, $4k on a cake, probably $10k for the venue with food and everything.

They still live in the basement of the father in law's house. I think they spent more on invitations than we spent on our entire wedding.

My wife and I are just as married, and probably at least as happy.

Fine. But to say that anyone who doesn't just throw a picnic in their backyard is "exercise in selfishness and greed" and "putting on a performance" is a touch unfair. LIke I said above, I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding because I'd always dreamed of a big wedding. It doesn't mean that we're not happy or in love or selfish or any of those assumptions.  Not spending a ton of cash doesn't automatically make your marriage or your love more sincere or "real".

No judgement, but if I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding, I would have used that money as a down payment on a house and held the wedding in the backyard.


We both had jobs, were planning on moving within the year and we both had gigantic families.  And we wanted a big wedding.  To each their own.  I'm not going to be made to feel like an idiot for doing what we felt was right and fun.
 
2013-06-19 09:00:00 PM  

teenytinycornteeth: Rye_: teenytinycornteeth: Sid_6.7: teenytinycornteeth: OOO! You have everyone all figured out. So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"? It is possible for people filled with love and sincerity to host a large wedding and still have it be meaningful and memorable. I, too have been married for nearly 20 years and I wouldn't change one thing about my wedding.

It's possible, but for the vast majority of people, the cost/benefit analysis is waaay off. I have a friend who got married. They spent $4k on a dress, $4k on a cake, probably $10k for the venue with food and everything.

They still live in the basement of the father in law's house. I think they spent more on invitations than we spent on our entire wedding.

My wife and I are just as married, and probably at least as happy.

Fine. But to say that anyone who doesn't just throw a picnic in their backyard is "exercise in selfishness and greed" and "putting on a performance" is a touch unfair. LIke I said above, I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding because I'd always dreamed of a big wedding. It doesn't mean that we're not happy or in love or selfish or any of those assumptions.  Not spending a ton of cash doesn't automatically make your marriage or your love more sincere or "real".

No judgement, but if I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding, I would have used that money as a down payment on a house and held the wedding in the backyard.

We both had jobs, were planning on moving within the year and we both had gigantic families.  And we wanted a big wedding.  To each their own.  I'm not going to be made to feel like an idiot for doing what we felt was right and fun.


Like I said, no judgement.  I'd just really like a house.
 
2013-06-19 09:00:35 PM  

orbister: costermonger: Who said anything about advance? I thought you were supposed to mentally estimate a tab throughout the evening and then add/subtract a tip based on the amount of cleavage the bride is showing.

When there are two brides do you do it on total boobage or geometric mean?


Well, if it's supposed to be based on total boobage, that could explain why this bride was so pissed off.
 
2013-06-19 09:05:43 PM  
It's not my fault you decided on a $200/person affair and only registered for expensive gifts. realize that not all of your friends are well off.
 
2013-06-19 09:13:02 PM  

megarian: I can haz harem?


We only live an hour+ apart...
 
2013-06-19 09:22:48 PM  

megarian: Weddings are getting out of control.

In off-chance that I get hitched, this is what I want:

1: go to court in pretty, inexpensive dress. Get hitched.
2: go somewhere fun with my s/o and celebrate
3: come home. Throw party with lots of booze and a rented backhoe for funsies

Didn't bring a gift. That's cool...I'm broke, too! Booze is between the dancing girls and bonfire. Be careful. Brought a gift? Much appreciated! Booze is between the dancing girls and the bonfire. Be careful. Everyone: I get dibs on the first backhoe ride.

And marshmallow fluff and Sour Patch Kids (especially the red ones) sounds fantastic.


I have an operator's license... backhoe... excavator... Gradall... you name it. So... how you doin'? You wanna kick me in the balls and take half my stuff? Sorry that came out wrong... I meant... you wanna hang out?
 
2013-06-19 09:23:21 PM  
But the important thing is, somewhere in Canada, two lucky guys just dodged a bullet.
 
2013-06-19 09:34:55 PM  

Pray 4 Mojo: megarian: Weddings are getting out of control.

In off-chance that I get hitched, this is what I want:

1: go to court in pretty, inexpensive dress. Get hitched.
2: go somewhere fun with my s/o and celebrate
3: come home. Throw party with lots of booze and a rented backhoe for funsies

Didn't bring a gift. That's cool...I'm broke, too! Booze is between the dancing girls and bonfire. Be careful. Brought a gift? Much appreciated! Booze is between the dancing girls and the bonfire. Be careful. Everyone: I get dibs on the first backhoe ride.

And marshmallow fluff and Sour Patch Kids (especially the red ones) sounds fantastic.

I have an operator's license... backhoe... excavator... Gradall... you name it. So... how you doin'? You wanna kick me in the balls and take half my stuff? Sorry that came out wrong... I meant... you wanna hang out?


I don't need more stuff. I lose my own stuff constantly.

...but an excavator, you say? I do have a big backyard.
 
2013-06-19 09:37:31 PM  
This article contains the full text message exchange between the guest and one of the brides.

One of the guests is the former boss of one of the brides. He asked the owner of the restaurant where he's currently employed to give a gift card to the couple. Apparently the complaining brides are hypocritical cheapskates:

'In retrospect, this is the exact style of behavior I should have expected from the two of you, when you used the gift card donated to your doe and doe for a personal date night, then had the gall to ask your server for the "friends and family discount".'
 
2013-06-19 09:42:40 PM  
...at leat the gift was acknowledged.  I can't remember the last time I got a thank-you note for a gift. YES, they were good gifts, not a food basket.
 
2013-06-19 09:43:07 PM  
My wife and I were married 30 days after we met. (We waited that long because that was the soonest her mom could get to town)We weren't expecting any gifts but were so appreciative of what we received./honestly wasn't expecting anything since everyone, except our parents, were thinking there was no way it could last.
 
2013-06-19 09:47:49 PM  

megarian: ...but an excavator, you say? I do have a big backyard.


Not sure if euphemism.

Excavators are a good time. But... Really... the backhoe is the best for fun. It does everything... just not really the best at any of it.
 
2013-06-19 09:48:08 PM  

OregonVet: megarian: I can haz harem?

We only live an hour+ apart...


An hour+ away from Detroit is kind of the place to be! Well, maybe not Flint.
 
2013-06-19 09:50:17 PM  
Why do people attend the weddings of casual acquaintances? You can always say you're so, so sorry but have an unavoidable conflict that weekend. Send a small token if you feel compelled, and spend the day at the beach.
 
2013-06-19 09:52:22 PM  

Nogale: Why do people attend the weddings of casual acquaintances? You can always say you're so, so sorry but have an unavoidable conflict that weekend. Send a small token if you feel compelled, and spend the day at the beach.


Bang bridesmaids.

That's why.
 
2013-06-19 09:55:06 PM  
shiatty gift, shiattier response.

Every wedding go to I try to give something that is a) on the registry or b) extremely practical, and I usually only go with both. Sometimes I will go with option B if I know the couple/groom/bride well (ie I'm an usher, groomsman, or best man). I can't imagine getting food as a present for any formal occasion, and I doubt I'd give it as a gift unless it was insanely hard for the person to find (ie good salsa in Germany as I found out).

The bride deserves to be vag punched. Gripe about it all you want to your SO, but don't air the beef in public. It makes you look like an extremely bitter, petty biatch (or scumbag if male). Everyone gets shiatty gifts at their weddings  -- I'm assuming, not married yet -- so swallow it and move on.
 
2013-06-19 10:23:55 PM  
As far as weddings go, they carry a fairly strong association to the whole institution side of it -- Rudimentary Peni covered that pretty well.

Once you peel away the institution/god part of it (i.e. as an atheist) it feels pretty awkward, you're basically just spending a lot of (other people's - if that's how you play to do it) money to say "Yeah! We're doing this!" -- I do that every day, to my partner, through my actions and words. If you want me to witness you tooting your own horns, I really don't see how the onus is on the attendees to foot the bill.

The only reason we've considered a wedding is specifically for that - everyone else seems to get this "pass go" money that we're missing out on. We bought a house, but didn't demand housewarming gifts. We're together, but we didn't get married. The sister of my wife netted over $15k from her wedding - daddy paid for it and then all the proceeds went to her

Weddings are a demonstration, an act, a ritual, that  you are opting to perform -- you foot the bill.
 
2013-06-19 10:30:11 PM  
weddings suck.  brides suck.
I got an invitation in April for a "commitment ceremony"...  not a wedding, and no, they aren't gay.  They aren't getting married though, I suspect because a marriage makes it harder to claim welfare as a single mother.

In the envelope i found two registries.  One for Macy's and one for Walmart.   On the card where I was to select my meal for the evening, in lovely script under the first (presumably pricier) entree, it read "Please select from the Macy's registry".  Under the other entree it read "You may select from either registry"

Oh, may I?  How considerate!
 
2013-06-19 10:38:13 PM  

poison_amy: weddings suck.  brides suck.
I got an invitation in April for a "commitment ceremony"...  not a wedding, and no, they aren't gay.  They aren't getting married though, I suspect because a marriage makes it harder to claim welfare as a single mother.

In the envelope i found two registries.  One for Macy's and one for Walmart.   On the card where I was to select my meal for the evening, in lovely script under the first (presumably pricier) entree, it read "Please select from the Macy's registry".  Under the other entree it read "You may select from either registry"

Oh, may I?  How considerate!


So... don't keep us in suspense!

/If you still have that card, I'll buy it from you just for the lulz.
 
2013-06-19 10:48:42 PM  

noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.


Somebody probably already beat me to this, but if a couple already has everything they need, that's when they make it clear that they request only the honor of your presence. A honeymoon is not an appropriate request. Older couples or twice-marrieds who have everything they need should throw a nice party for their guests and call it a day.
 
2013-06-19 10:50:25 PM  
This is why same-sex marriage shouldn't be tolerated.

Assholes...
 
2013-06-19 10:58:34 PM  

Magnanimous_J: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.


I agree with you. My girlfriend and I already lived alone before we moved in together and now have 2 blenders, 2 knife sets, etc. The last thing in the world we need is stuff for the house. I ran the idea by her to just ask for money and she looked at me with horror, like I'd suggested charging for admission. She actually said we should register for gifts we don't need and then return them. What the hell is the point of that? Why make someone drive across town for a present we don't want when they would probably be happier writing a check?


It's funny that your name is Magnanimous. You have everything you need and yet you still want your friends and acquaintances to pay for your vacation.
 
2013-06-19 10:59:49 PM  
And this is why I'm not going to any poo-footy weddings of acquaintances.  My wedding cost less than $2000, we got a few gifts but made it clear that gifts weren't expected on the invitations.  I was there to get married to my husband in the presence of people I love, not play princess for a day.
 
2013-06-19 11:02:12 PM  
I figure my guests already shelled out for transportation, lodging and meals just to attend our wedding, I was going to be damned if I was going to extort money and or gifts too.

We paid for the best party we could afford and invited those who counted.

In spite of clearly stating "no gifts please", there were some who could not resist but we only really made fun of the Ant Farm and not because it was cheap, but because it was bizarre.
 
2013-06-19 11:09:15 PM  

OregonVet: MadAzza: I have no idea why you banned him or what, if anything, he has to do with weddings in general,

He's from Detroit area, I think, but owned/rented a building where he jammed back in the day about 8 miles from my house. Every wedding around here has a too much of his music and having so many of our friends over the years weddings under our belt, she and I agreed it was not going to happen.


That's actually pretty funny, and now I understand. Thanks.
 
2013-06-19 11:16:43 PM  

thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.


I don't go to a lot of weddings and have had only the one, but this very notion is something I'd never heard of, let along considered.
 
2013-06-19 11:19:18 PM  

sufferpuppet: That gift was original, and awesome.  Nobody is ever going to remember who got them the champagne flutes or $100.  But the basket full of candy and marshmallow goo will stick in your memory forever.  Top score.


I agree.  My husband and I would have really enjoyed that basket.  We politely asked for cash by registering with a honeymoon registry site and were really happy that a lot of our guests contributed, but the most fun presents to open were the unusual ones.

\Plus, imagine the fun a couple could have with Marshmallow Fluff!
 
2013-06-19 11:21:24 PM  
Fark weddings!!! This is why I won't go!!! I am To cheap for you bullshiat!
 
2013-06-19 11:22:58 PM  
I want to point out to that snooty biatch that she thumbed her nose at "polite society" by hosting a wedding without a groom.
 
2013-06-19 11:27:11 PM  

poison_amy: weddings suck.  brides suck.
I got an invitation in April for a "commitment ceremony"...  not a wedding, and no, they aren't gay.  They aren't getting married though, I suspect because a marriage makes it harder to claim welfare as a single mother.

In the envelope i found two registries.  One for Macy's and one for Walmart.   On the card where I was to select my meal for the evening, in lovely script under the first (presumably pricier) entree, it read "Please select from the Macy's registry".  Under the other entree it read "You may select from either registry"

Oh, may I?  How considerate!


That is farking appalling. This is the "cover your plate" mindset taken to its logical conclusion.
 
2013-06-19 11:34:35 PM  

Lorelle: Perhaps the gift-givers couldn't afford to spend $200 on those money-grubbing, unappreciative biatches. Besides, gift baskets tend to be overpriced. The one pictured could have cost $50 or more.


From the looks of it, they grabbed whatever was unopened in their cupboard.  None of it goes together or even makes sense.  You can spend next to nothing on a basket (the price of the actually basket would stay constant) and at least come up with something that makes sense, say a bottle of wine or stuff for a bonfire (stuff for smores for example) or really anything with a theme.  I'd be more okay with no gift.

Bride's a coont though and deserves whatever ridicule she gets.  Completely inexcusable.  She not only embarrassed herself with this guest; everyone that attended will be completely put off by her attitude towards them and their attendance.
 
2013-06-19 11:37:05 PM  
My wedding was simple, mom is really good sewer and so she made my wife's dress, had free use of a church and potluck reception.  We were happy to get any gifts.

When a cousin got married, we received a nice invitation.  We sent our RSVP, but work got in the way and it was well past the call to cancel date when we found out we couldn't go.  The marriage lasted well less than a year, her mom (my aunt) still won't talk to me.  Till now I hadn't even thought about it in years.  She'll die before I do, so oh well.

/it's easy not to care when you grow up without ever seeing them
 
2013-06-19 11:40:48 PM  
I have a pro-tip: if money is an issue, don't have a $100/plate reception.
 
2013-06-19 11:43:52 PM  

TheDumbBlonde: Wedding registeries were, where I come from, traditionally a local jeweler/fine gifts shop where the bride to be registered her china and silver patterns for the convenience of guests  WHO CHOSE TO USE IT. You didn't go to freaking Target and register for sheets and towels and egg poachers! You took what you received, were grateful not matter how tacky and wrote a goddamned thank you note. The whole lack of manners is out of control. It's out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

/Meh


You sound old. That's ok - me too.

I have no problem with people registering at Target/the hardware store/the pet store where they get the insects to feed the 12 iguanas who are the only children they'll ever have. But you don't expect gifts or send any kind of message that you expect them. No registry information on the invitation - you tell your sisters/mother/future mother-in-law where you're registered so they can pass on the information-only to people who ask them- and leave it at that. And ffs include several inexpensive things so your cousin in grad school can feel ok bringing 6 $2 wine glasses if she feels she needs to bring a gift at all.

Where I grew up (Montreal) there's a big mix of cultures, and there were definitely different expectations for each. For example:

French Canadian - big wedding (because we all have 12 great-uncles and 23 cousins on both sides), but fun with lots of music and dancing rather than elaborate. No one really gives a fark about gifts, but some family heirlooms might be passed down. When I was growing up money wouldn't have been ok as a gift. It's more common now.

Irish Catholic - similar, but with a longer mass. Open bar is a must. (I'm Irish/French Canadian. My liver never stood a chance.)

WASP - I think you give a chafing dish or something? I don't have many wasp friends.

Italian/Greek/Portuguese/East European - large, expensive weddings where you eat until you burst and dance until your feet fall off. Close relatives/wealthy and/or close friends give substantial cash gifts, younger friends, single elderly aunts and the like give smaller gifts, but usually cash.

Jewish - depends on the tradition, but money is common, as are registries.

Indian - household items or cash are appreciated.

All of this is subject to the personal preferences of the couple obviously. What isn't accepted in ANY is berating your guests by text message for doing the "wrong" thing.

/my own gay wedding cost $1200 for 10 people, paid by me, plus my (conservative) dad unexpectedly brought many bottles of nice wine. We ate and drank like kings. Everyone got a sincere thank you note whether or not they brought a gift - we just wanted them there.
 
2013-06-19 11:50:37 PM  
Mrs. Sloppy and I eloped just because we could afford a wedding. We got no gifts and 12 years later are doing just fine.
 
2013-06-19 11:51:54 PM  

teenytinycornteeth: So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"?


No, the people in TFA were putting on a performance, etc. That's what we're talking about here. I know nothing about your wedding.

Anyone who expects the "guests" to pay the costs of their meal and entertainment is selfish and greedy. The term for such attendees is not "guest"; it's "paying customer". A wedding is a celebration, not a fund-raiser.

Inviting whomever you want, however many people that happens to be, to celebrate with you is cool. Expecting them to pay for the privilege of being there is tacky.
 
2013-06-20 12:13:15 AM  

poison_amy: In the envelope i found two registries.  One for Macy's and one for Walmart.   On the card where I was to select my meal for the evening, in lovely script under the first (presumably pricier) entree, it read "Please select from the Macy's registry".  Under the other entree it read "You may select from either registry"

Oh, may I?  How considerate!


Jesus. A few days ago there was an article posted here about how people frequently see someone for the last time at a wedding. If this kind of shiat is normal, I'm not surprised.
 
2013-06-20 12:13:42 AM  

ExcaliburPrime111: The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.


And they have spent not one red cent "hosting" me because they are supposed to be celebrating their union, that's the purpose of the whole get together.  The day is all about them, not about me and what they're serving me.  I am there to see them take their vows, be a witness to their love and commitment to each other.

The rest is their choice, if they want to throw their money at me in the form of food and booze, that's fine.  But to demand that I pay for it in gifts is ludicrous and this "tradition" needs to be nipped in the bud.  These bride magazines and reality shows that shove this nonsense down our throats should be seen for what they really are.  The greedy industry making greedy women even more demanding.

If my daughter ever gets married, she'll be as smart as we were about it. Small wedding, a few friends, good, homemade food and lots of wine/champagne.  Our marriage has outlasted most of those ridiculously large weddings where the bride was in tears because one little thing went wrong, or the groom got so far into debt he hated the bride even before they said their vows.

Keep it simple; it's about love and commitment, not who spends the most on you.

BTW, that gift basket didn't only have candy in it.  It had a lot of great food items and probably cost between $50 and $75.  For an acquaintance, it's a decent gift.  And if the brides had thought about it, they could have gotten a great meal and some fun afterwards out of that basket, plus had a nice little storage container.
 
2013-06-20 12:42:12 AM  
I attended a wedding of a friend years ago where I witnessed pretty much this exact same behavior first hand.  I was with a bunch of friends and we were all friends of the groom.  We were all in college together at the time and money was tight but I gave them an envelope with some cash in it to help cover their costs.  At the end of the night after most people had left the reception I watched as they and their family opened up all the envelopes and counted the cash they received.  There was a little argument within the group and then the groom came over to the table where us friends were sitting and asked if we could all chip in some more money (at least 100 dollars he said)  because they had come up short on what they received as gift money.

I was in complete shock.  He actually walked some of us over to the atm near the reception hall to get the money.  I had never seen this before at any weddings I had attended previously (but up to that point any weddings were mostly for relatives).  I chalked it up to a cultural thing (I'm as WASPy as you can get)...it was an Italian/Filipino wedding and they even had a money dance during the evening where they expected people to pin money to the bride and groom to dance with them.
 
2013-06-20 12:43:05 AM  
Gays can marry and enjoy even these ridiculous societal expectations.

/Sure you still want to marry?
 
2013-06-20 12:57:22 AM  

jigger: Why didn't they charge admission to the wedding? Would have saved some trouble.


This.
 
2013-06-20 01:01:04 AM  

silverjets: I attended a wedding of a friend years ago where I witnessed pretty much this exact same behavior first hand.  I was with a bunch of friends and we were all friends of the groom.  We were all in college together at the time and money was tight but I gave them an envelope with some cash in it to help cover their costs.  At the end of the night after most people had left the reception I watched as they and their family opened up all the envelopes and counted the cash they received.  There was a little argument within the group and then the groom came over to the table where us friends were sitting and asked if we could all chip in some more money (at least 100 dollars he said)  because they had come up short on what they received as gift money.

I was in complete shock.  He actually walked some of us over to the atm near the reception hall to get the money.  I had never seen this before at any weddings I had attended previously (but up to that point any weddings were mostly for relatives).  I chalked it up to a cultural thing (I'm as WASPy as you can get)...it was an Italian/Filipino wedding and they even had a money dance during the evening where they expected people to pin money to the bride and groom to dance with them.


Dear God - I'm never going to another wedding again, I cannot imagine getting hit up to be led to the atm so I could cough up more money.  Jeaz.
 
2013-06-20 01:04:15 AM  

silverjets: I attended a wedding of a friend years ago where I witnessed pretty much this exact same behavior first hand.  I was with a bunch of friends and we were all friends of the groom.  We were all in college together at the time and money was tight but I gave them an envelope with some cash in it to help cover their costs.  At the end of the night after most people had left the reception I watched as they and their family opened up all the envelopes and counted the cash they received.  There was a little argument within the group and then the groom came over to the table where us friends were sitting and asked if we could all chip in some more money (at least 100 dollars he said)  because they had come up short on what they received as gift money.

I was in complete shock.  He actually walked some of us over to the atm near the reception hall to get the money.  I had never seen this before at any weddings I had attended previously (but up to that point any weddings were mostly for relatives).  I chalked it up to a cultural thing (I'm as WASPy as you can get)...it was an Italian/Filipino wedding and they even had a money dance during the evening where they expected people to pin money to the bride and groom to dance with them.


Yeahhhh, I would've laughed in his face, excused myself while thanking him for the evening and never had anything to do with him ever again.
 
2013-06-20 01:15:35 AM  

forbes01: They werent in it for the money


Considering that Laura wrote, "Weddings are to make money for your future", I think they disagree with you.
 
2013-06-20 01:41:30 AM  
Tis a shiatty gift. you cant tell me that at some point they werent putting that together and thinking "wow what a shiatty gift."
 
2013-06-20 01:43:24 AM  
Cover your plate is a stupid rule anyways.  Though I'm pretty sure my sister made a profit when she and BIL married.

Getting married in a few years myself--won't be as fancy as sister's.  Probably won't receive as much in wedding gifts.  Don't really give a shiat.
 
2013-06-20 01:45:57 AM  

SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate.   Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one.


So? I thought the whole concept of marriage was that of "finding what makes *you* (plural) happy'", not "please everyone else". To hell with "society's expectations" of a wedding: either you care about and are committed to someone or you aren't, and a big expensive party has no bearing on that.
 
2013-06-20 01:50:16 AM  

Doem: Tis a shiatty gift. you cant tell me that at some point they werent putting that together and thinking "wow what a shiatty gift."


It didn't only contain gummy bears and puffy stuff, but high priced biscotti, chocolate and other things that equates to a big basket of comfort food and road trip snacks for the honeymoon.  There is something wrong or shiatty with providing a newly married couple a big basket of comfort food as a wedding gift?  How can you be against giving friends comfort?  As well as some quick kinky ideas.

Well intentioned thought went into that gift.
 
2013-06-20 02:01:01 AM  
I think all told we spent $1200 on our wedding 10 years ago. We got married at his family's cabin in the mountains, so free. We had a friend of the family who was a judge do the service, he didn't want cash for it, so we got him a bottle of 12 year old Scotch he likes instead. We rented an arbor and chairs. Wild flowers from the meadow were my bouquet. The reception dinner was a newly opened Bozeman restaurant that fed 20 people very, very well for around $700, including the bar. $34,000 for what? So you can be an ungrateful biatch?

Being a bride, I didn't even care about the gifts or the money, I just wanted my family and friends to share the day with us. The gift registry was just a formality for people to pick out gifts for us that would have little chance of being returned afterwards. I'm not ungrateful, but I don't need a wooden salad bowl set I will never use. Sadly, we ended up with a wooden salad bowl set that I burned about 5 years later. Ugliest damn things ever; they seriously looked like wooden cat food bowls. They went through several garage sales unsold. So, in the fire pit they went. Apparently his aunt and uncle bought like 6 sets of them, all of the kids in the family received them for their weddings as well. We all still giggle about how awful they are, so there is that factor to wacky useless gifts. ><

If you have to shake down your guests to pay for the wedding while at the wedding, you've got your priorities in the wrong place and your marriage is doomed.

That said, the gift in the article was a slight bit tacky, it'd be more appropriate for a bachelorette party with some naughty movies/sex toys/lingerie/lube thrown in the box.
 
2013-06-20 02:07:08 AM  
When I was married we received cash almost exclusively. We had a modest wedding with 50 guests but the sum of said 'envelopes' was less than 1/8th the cost of the whole event. Luckily the intended purpose of our wedding day was to kick off the whole "happily ever after" thing, not to fill our bank account.

The one gift we did recieve still boggles me. A silver plated pasta measure. Had no idea what it was until doing a GIS, but spent some time trying (unsuccessfully) to convince the Mr that it was cockring.
 
2013-06-20 03:06:06 AM  
You don't charge admission for a wedding.  If you do, you get customers instead of friends and family.  If you want your friends and family at your wedding, you should make it easy for them to be there.  If they are rich and want to "cover their plate" as their gift to you, that's really nice, but excluding (or ridiculing) those who can't is going to make for a wedding without any soul or real joy.
 
HBK
2013-06-20 03:35:57 AM  

noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.


Second weddings get no gifts if you went to the first wedding. Personal rule- I don't pay for your mistake.
 
HBK
2013-06-20 03:47:54 AM  

006deluxe: Same here, and my wedding was just back in October. We ran the gamut of no gift at all from some people (which is perfectly fine, I'm just glad they came), to getting a $500 check from someone I had never even spoken to before and everything in between.


I got a Tiffany vase and a Tiffany frame from two different people I barely knew.

And here's the other thing. I had a few buddies that I knew didn't have much money. I'd rather them have not spent money they didn't have on kitchen appliances for me. That's why I put the towels and tortilla warmer on the registry. I was just happy they were there.

/was not registered at Tiffany's.
 
2013-06-20 04:01:35 AM  

Shahab: The people who gave that gift though... I mean a janky basket with some candy in it? That is not an appropriate wedding gift.


Why not?
 
2013-06-20 04:42:10 AM  
i'm willing to bet that not a dime was spent personally by either twunt. so acting outraged about people not covering the cost of dinner is beyond disingenuous.

enjoy your happy life together ladies. one of you sounds like a real catch.
 
2013-06-20 07:24:26 AM  

silverjets: I attended a wedding of a friend years ago where I witnessed pretty much this exact same behavior first hand.  I was with a bunch of friends and we were all friends of the groom.  We were all in college together at the time and money was tight but I gave them an envelope with some cash in it to help cover their costs.  At the end of the night after most people had left the reception I watched as they and their family opened up all the envelopes and counted the cash they received.  There was a little argument within the group and then the groom came over to the table where us friends were sitting and asked if we could all chip in some more money (at least 100 dollars he said)  because they had come up short on what they received as gift money.

I was in complete shock.  He actually walked some of us over to the atm near the reception hall to get the money.  I had never seen this before at any weddings I had attended previously (but up to that point any weddings were mostly for relatives).  I chalked it up to a cultural thing (I'm as WASPy as you can get)...it was an Italian/Filipino wedding and they even had a money dance during the evening where they expected people to pin money to the bride and groom to dance with them.


I can honestly say there would be curse words and possibly a biatch slapping if someone did that to me.

<---- internet wedding tough guy

gadian: t didn't only contain gummy bears and puffy stuff, but high priced biscotti, chocolate and other things that equates to a big basket of comfort food and road trip snacks for the honeymoon. There is something wrong or shiatty with providing a newly married couple a big basket of comfort food as a wedding gift? How can you be against giving friends comfort? As well as some quick kinky ideas.

Well intentioned thought went into that gift.


Plus a decent basket.  I've made a few gifts like that; giving a nice decorative box / storage type of thing and fill it with decent snacks and stuff.

scotzrewl: Who the FARK invites a "casual acquaintance" to their wedding, and then expect, no.. DEMAND, a monetary gift of at least $150!?!?!

The biatchy coont needs to fark off and die.


I'll tell you what; the type of biatch who expects the wedding to be revenue neutral or even turn a profit.  They wanted a big moronic impressive wedding but didn't want to pay for it.
 
2013-06-20 08:25:48 AM  
Worried about money for your future?  Here's a helpful tip; DON'T SPEND $34,000 ON YOUR FREAKIN' WEDDING!

I'm sure I'm not the first one to poiunt this out.
 
2013-06-20 08:43:15 AM  
What's this giving money tradition? I thought the tradition was for the bride's father to pay for most everything. Since these lovely dykes have TWO FotBs, they clearly didn't explain the value proposition to them when they came out of the closet.
 
2013-06-20 09:24:31 AM  
Look, the bride was a terrible person and nobody should be on her side, but can we stop pretending for a second that this was anything other than a terrible gift?  You can see in the picture that there's two bags of chocolate chips.  Not cookies, just plain old chips.  And that terrible marshmallow shiat.  You should never confront your guests about the gifts you get, so obviously the bride is wrong, but what kind of attendee thinks it's a good idea to raid the farking baking aisle at the grocery store and give what they find there as a gift?
 
2013-06-20 09:28:38 AM  

catmandu: TheDumbBlonde: Wedding registeries were, where I come from, traditionally a local jeweler/fine gifts shop where the bride to be registered her china and silver patterns for the convenience of guests  WHO CHOSE TO USE IT. You didn't go to freaking Target and register for sheets and towels and egg poachers! You took what you received, were grateful not matter how tacky and wrote a goddamned thank you note. The whole lack of manners is out of control. It's out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

/Meh

Not only that but in the days of the hope chest the girl would register before she was engaged and family would buy a set of the china or silver for things like birthdays or graduation. The sheets, towels, and egg poachers were the shower gifts.


I know I'm really late to the party, but QFT.

I've never EVER thought that "covering my plate" was a responsibility.  I was invited to share in your day, not fund your party/honeymoon/life.

I did not have a registry of any type for my wedding.  1987 Married in small church, reception at the VFW, wine & beer with cash bar, food cooked by the lovely wives of VFW members.  Entire wedding, tuxes, dress, food, hall, wine & beer, limo, & two nights in hotel before we left for honeymoon $2000.  (roughly $4000 adjusted to 2013 rates)

We paid for all of it ourselves, as we were not children (26 & 31) and there was no reason for my father to pay for my wedding.  Never once did it occur to us to jimmy into people's wallets to get money for it.  We were not well off at all, so we saved up for a year to go to Jamaica for 10 days.

These brides represent pretty much all that is wrong with the wedding industry.  And some people.
 
2013-06-20 09:36:40 AM  

redpenner: You don't charge admission for a wedding.  If you do, you get customers instead of friends and family.  If you want your friends and family at your wedding, you should make it easy for them to be there.  If they are rich and want to "cover their plate" as their gift to you, that's really nice, but excluding (or ridiculing) those who can't is going to make for a wedding without any soul or real joy.


This, totally and completely.

If you want other people to pay for your party, those people are customers and they expect (and deserve) good value for the money they've paid. By and large, a wedding -- where, naturally, the entire focus is on the bride and groom -- is not the sort of thing most people would pay to go to, especially if they're among the collection of friends of relatives of acquaintances that people like this invite in the first place. What could a couple get for $200? Well, around here, dinner at a very good restaurant, a movie at a not-quite-so-good movie theater (hey, it's the only one we've got!), and probably enough left over for at least a few drinks at the brewpub downtown. Or, gas to Charleston and back, a night of considerably more impressive night life, and maybe a room at the Motel 6 to sleep it off. Sounds more fun than someone else's party where they don't even notice your presence, just your presents, and you spend the night getting hammered with the only two people there you know. So, if they want to make it a business transaction -- payment tendered for value received -- a wedding comes out looking pretty inadequate, value-wise. If they sold tickets at the door, buyers would be few and far between.

I think people who are in the right frame of mind, and are more likely to be happy, have the wedding that they can afford and invite the people they want to share the day with -- and the emphasis is on share. It doesn't matter (despite the person who, for some unaccountable reason, thinks I'm talking about her) whether that's five people or five hundred people; it's whether you're throwing a party to celebrate your wedding, or you're expecting other people, even ones you barely know, to give that party for you. People who couldn't afford the wedding if the guests weren't made to feel obligated to pay for it, who invite whatever people they think they can make a buck off of (and as many of them as they can cram in the venue), and start the whole thing off with a cash-grab, have their priorities in the wrong place, and that's going to resurface in other ways throughout their (probably brief) marriages. If someone is a greedy Bridezilla or (what's the male equivalent?) on their wedding day, they're not going to be a different person the next day; that's what kind of person they are.

Someone upthread said there's a word for this kind of person: Panhandler. I totally agree.
 
2013-06-20 10:19:28 AM  

serfdood: Worried about money for your future?  Here's a helpful tip; DON'T SPEND $34,000 ON YOUR FREAKIN' WEDDING!

I'm sure I'm not the first one to poiunt this out.


My brother's wedding was held at a friend's (beautiful and very large) house, and "catered" by the bride's mom personally.  They laid out some scratch on the cake, but other than that, it was done rather cheaply, and was a wonderful wedding regardless.  Bonus: they didn't put themselves in the poorhouse for the sake of impressing others, and didn't lose friends by biatching about the value of the gifts (good thing too; I was a starving student at the time and couldn't really afford a gift at all).
 
2013-06-20 10:19:32 AM  
Just got married. We invited a bunch of people we love to come celebrate with us. Nobody held a gun to our head and told us to spend money. Bridezilla here is freaking nuts.
 
2013-06-20 10:21:18 AM  

Worldwalker: If someone is a greedy Bridezilla or (what's the male equivalent?)


I'm lobbying for Groomera.
 
2013-06-20 10:23:04 AM  

The sound of one hand clapping: Well, at least they didn't include chocolate dicks in the gift basket.  That might have made things a whole lot worse.


If they'd been silicone, on the other hand...
 
2013-06-20 10:51:51 AM  
Money dances are exceptionally tacky to me and I grew up with them. That being said, my grandparents always used the money dance to slip the bride and groom (grandchildren only) a could grand in the form of a check, mainly because they didn't want to leave an envelope laying around, but also because it gave them a moment to dance with the couple, thank them for a lovely evening, and wish them all the best. They'd slip the checks into their hands and then quietly go back to their table to talk with the other non-dancing types.

As far as gifts go, the ettiquette as far as I've been told was that nothing was said about the registry on the invitations and that it was the mother of the bride and the maid of honor who were supposed to field questions about such things, giving either a list of places the couple were registered or saying something to the effect of "They're not registered anywhere since they have everything they need, but I do know they're trying to save up for [honeymoon/down payment on a house/redoing the bathroom]." I usually just give the gift of really nice photo frames. It's something that rarely makes it onto a registry because it isn't immediately seen as necessary, but they're always used in the end when the photographer sends out the prints.
 
2013-06-20 10:52:48 AM  
We had a small wedding and provided not only food and drink at our reception (on the beach for a destination beach wedding) but also accommodations for our family & friends (20 people).  When guests asked us about gifts, we told them simply making the journey and taking up their time was gift enough.

And you know what/  We had an awesome time!

These brides are horribly rude.  Even if you hate the gift you say thank you and send a thank-you card.  Guests do not attend weddings to furnish your future lifestyle.  Grow up and act like an adult!
 
2013-06-20 10:56:09 AM  

HeartBurnKid: Worldwalker: If someone is a greedy Bridezilla or (what's the male equivalent?)

I'm lobbying for Groomera.


Groom Hilda.
 
2013-06-20 11:31:39 AM  

tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"

This.

Well you know ; )

You. I like you.

Same, now I just have one question. Have ya ever operated a backhoe?
/They are fun : )

I have. And it was awesome.

Cool just checking : )
/And I has a sad now you're marring Pincy :/

...I'm not against polygamy. Just sayin'.

I can haz harem?

/a girl can dream

Well you dream is to marry a couple : )


How you ladies doin'?   *waggles bushy eyebrows*
 
2013-06-20 11:38:51 AM  

gadian: Doem: Tis a shiatty gift. you cant tell me that at some point they werent putting that together and thinking "wow what a shiatty gift."

It didn't only contain gummy bears and puffy stuff, but high priced biscotti, chocolate and other things that equates to a big basket of comfort food and road trip snacks for the honeymoon.  There is something wrong or shiatty with providing a newly married couple a big basket of comfort food as a wedding gift?  How can you be against giving friends comfort?  As well as some quick kinky ideas.

Well intentioned thought went into that gift.


↑ THIS ↑

These folks came up with an intelligent, creative, thoughtful gift. It was by no means cheap. The gift was   "a wicker box with a hinged lid, filled with food items, most of them PC Black Label, including: tri-color pasta, salsas, Balsamic vinegar and Olive, Gourmet croutons, Panko Breading, Pesto, some baking ingredients, Biscuits from Godiva and a few 'Fun' items like Marshmallow Fluff, Sour Patch Kids and Butterscotch sauce."

Go ahead and shop around, see what a gift basket like that would cost. It won't be anywhere near as low as $40.

What makes it more disgusting is that the brides took out most of the nice, expensive items and staged a photo with only the cheap or silly stuff to embarrass and belittle the gift-givers.

At the very least, the wicker box is a nice gift in itself. The fact that they selected nice things to put in the box makes it a thoughtful, fun gift.

The brides are total biatches. Frankly, they seem like some of the worst people I've ever heard of. I hope nobody ever gives these ungrateful coonts a gift again; They don't seem to be able to accept them with any grace or tact, or put any value to the act of gift-giving in the first place.

If anybody wants a gift idea for this couple's next soiree, here's one:   http://www.poopsenders.com/

Seriously, what a pair of petty, greedy, nasty, horrible biatches.
 
2013-06-20 11:39:13 AM  

Worldwalker: If someone is a greedy Bridezilla or (what's the male equivalent?


Groomothra
 
2013-06-20 12:15:25 PM  

ZeroCorpse: These folks came up with an intelligent, creative, thoughtful gift


Per the article, <i>You opt for your go-to gift </i>.

If it's your "go-to" gift, is it really that thoughtful, if you do something like that for everyone?  Do the brides like baking?  Do they like sweet stuff like that?  Do they like fancy oils and salsas?  It sounds like the guests put in stuff they like, not what the brides like.  Anyway, I digress.

The brides were clearly insane in their reaction, and nobody should side with them, ever, but this kind of gift is definitely tacky.  I always play by the convention that if you don't know what people want, and if you don't know them that well, buy a gift card.
 
2013-06-20 12:40:18 PM  
if I was invited to a wedding from someone even remotely self centered...

"come to our wedding"
"How much do you want?"
"well it's $200 a plate"
"What do I get in return?"
"You get to attend the wedding"
"Why would I want to attend your wedding?, no I'd need something more, let's talk money here, I'm thinking $400 at least"
"$400 why $400?"
"Well $200 covers the wedding and the other $200 is for my time and effort attending"
 
2013-06-20 12:43:08 PM  
could have brought nuclear warheads and did the game where you see how many you can eat before castrating your tongue

i3.ytimg.com
 
2013-06-20 01:47:56 PM  

Fish in a Barrel: I'll probably never wind up getting married (so, so alone...), but if I did I would want to specifically forbid presents.  A wedding is a celebration of joining, not a cash grab.  No one should feel compelled to ante up to join the party.


The last wedding I went to just had his and hers charities to donate too.
 
2013-06-20 03:59:01 PM  
I guess my wife and I did it wrong. We got eloped. We had our wedding reception a few months later when the weather was nice and did it cheap as all hell: public park, potluck, Facebook invites, dressed down, etc.  We're poor, and we don't think that's something we need to hide.The only things we splurged on were a couple kegs and a bouncey castle. We made it clear we didn't want gifts, though we still got a few.

And you know what? We were told it was the best reception a lot of the guests had ever been to. It also had more guests than any wedding I'd ever attended. Everyone had a great time, and it sufficiently celebrated our union.
 
2013-06-20 04:36:11 PM  

TheDumbBlonde: "Cover your plate" is concept unheard of where I come from. Some people are raised by wolves.


The only reason you don't know about it is because wolves don't use plates

Satanic_Hamster: I had a secretary up in New York. She was geologist getting her certifications / additional degree so she could teach and was working for us for six months. She wanted to have a small wedding. Her mother told her that she (the mother) had $40k saved/budgeted for the wedding and if the daughter said no, she'd never see a dime from her again. They tried to convince her to spend the money on a down payment for a house, pay off her student loan, car, anything. She wouldn't budge.


I'm sure something could be arranged with the caterer about refunds on unopened bottles. Then just order a metric farkton of alcohol (or a few very, very expensive bottles which will never be seen by the guests) and cash in on the refund.

Anyway, the way I was raised it is customary to bring a (small) gift to any party thrown (no, not to an "It is Friday party" although it is generally accepted to bring some food or drink to a bbq). It doesn't have to be much, as long as you are giving something (I bought €60 worth of cookies with some friends because the birthday boy didn't know what he wanted and mentioned "cookies" in passing). I wouldn't dream of showing up at a birthday or wedding without some sort of gift. On the other hand, I wouldn't dream of spending a €100 on a gift either. Screw that.
 
2013-06-20 07:10:17 PM  

teenytinycornteeth: Fine. But to say that anyone who doesn't just throw a picnic in their backyard is "exercise in selfishness and greed" and "putting on a performance" is a touch unfair. LIke I said above, I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding because I'd always dreamed of a big wedding. It doesn't mean that we're not happy or in love or selfish or any of those assumptions. Not spending a ton of cash doesn't automatically make your marriage or your love more sincere or "real".


If it really mattered to you, good. I'm not saying you did anything wrong, but I do feel that for many people, they spend far too much money for what they get out of it.

It's like wine. Some people really do enjoy spending more for a bottle, and some people are fine with favorited!. Do what makes you happy. However, plenty of people buy expensive wine with no ability to appreciate what differentiates it from far cheaper alternatives, which is a waste.
 
2013-06-20 07:38:37 PM  
It's generally expected that guests give a gift about equal to what the cost of a "plate" might be.

I actually invited a casual acquaintance to our wedding, he brought a date. Their gift to us? A box of cookies.
 
2013-06-20 07:47:59 PM  

HeartBurnKid: forbes01: They werent in it for the money

Considering that Laura wrote, "Weddings are to make money for your future", I think they disagree with you.


youre taking her words out of context and misconstruing them. im sure its not the wedding specifically that is to make money for the future but rather, getting married is an investment which comes with two people earning money instead of just one. and even if that was what they meant, a couple bags of sour patch kids dont exactly help to make money.
 
2013-06-20 08:03:16 PM  
Pincy:

So every guest is supposed to know how much they couple is spending on the wedding now?

If you expect people to help chip in for your wedding then you better state it explicitly on the invitation.  Otherwise, be gracious and stop biatching about the gifts you received.


Actually the cost of the wedding is irrelevant it just adds the the show that the gift was cheap. no one ever said the guests should 'chip in for the wedding' but you should respect the newlyweds enough to put some thought into the gift instead of running to Rite Aid for candy 5 minutes before you get there. I never said the bride was right for 'biatching' about the gift but get real, it was a lousy gift and the newlyweds obviously thought more of their guests. if they knew these guests were going to put zero thought into the occasion and only come for free dinner and drinks, then i doubt they would have been invited. they say its the thought that counts, but their gift had little thought if any.
 
2013-06-20 08:16:52 PM  

you_idiot: It's generally expected that guests give a gift about equal to what the cost of a "plate" might be.

I actually invited a casual acquaintance to our wedding, he brought a date. Their gift to us? A box of cookies.


How the fark is anyone supposed to know what their plate cost?
 
2013-06-20 08:17:04 PM  
they gave us $60,000 and a trip to Italy
 
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