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(Toronto Star)   "I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return"   (thestar.com) divider line 372
    More: Asinine, Sour Patch Kids, Miss Manners, Community Code of Conduct, The Spectator  
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16870 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jun 2013 at 5:15 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-19 09:47:49 PM

megarian: ...but an excavator, you say? I do have a big backyard.


Not sure if euphemism.

Excavators are a good time. But... Really... the backhoe is the best for fun. It does everything... just not really the best at any of it.
 
2013-06-19 09:48:08 PM

OregonVet: megarian: I can haz harem?

We only live an hour+ apart...


An hour+ away from Detroit is kind of the place to be! Well, maybe not Flint.
 
2013-06-19 09:50:17 PM
Why do people attend the weddings of casual acquaintances? You can always say you're so, so sorry but have an unavoidable conflict that weekend. Send a small token if you feel compelled, and spend the day at the beach.
 
2013-06-19 09:52:22 PM

Nogale: Why do people attend the weddings of casual acquaintances? You can always say you're so, so sorry but have an unavoidable conflict that weekend. Send a small token if you feel compelled, and spend the day at the beach.


Bang bridesmaids.

That's why.
 
2013-06-19 09:55:06 PM
shiatty gift, shiattier response.

Every wedding go to I try to give something that is a) on the registry or b) extremely practical, and I usually only go with both. Sometimes I will go with option B if I know the couple/groom/bride well (ie I'm an usher, groomsman, or best man). I can't imagine getting food as a present for any formal occasion, and I doubt I'd give it as a gift unless it was insanely hard for the person to find (ie good salsa in Germany as I found out).

The bride deserves to be vag punched. Gripe about it all you want to your SO, but don't air the beef in public. It makes you look like an extremely bitter, petty biatch (or scumbag if male). Everyone gets shiatty gifts at their weddings  -- I'm assuming, not married yet -- so swallow it and move on.
 
2013-06-19 10:23:55 PM
As far as weddings go, they carry a fairly strong association to the whole institution side of it -- Rudimentary Peni covered that pretty well.

Once you peel away the institution/god part of it (i.e. as an atheist) it feels pretty awkward, you're basically just spending a lot of (other people's - if that's how you play to do it) money to say "Yeah! We're doing this!" -- I do that every day, to my partner, through my actions and words. If you want me to witness you tooting your own horns, I really don't see how the onus is on the attendees to foot the bill.

The only reason we've considered a wedding is specifically for that - everyone else seems to get this "pass go" money that we're missing out on. We bought a house, but didn't demand housewarming gifts. We're together, but we didn't get married. The sister of my wife netted over $15k from her wedding - daddy paid for it and then all the proceeds went to her

Weddings are a demonstration, an act, a ritual, that  you are opting to perform -- you foot the bill.
 
2013-06-19 10:30:11 PM
weddings suck.  brides suck.
I got an invitation in April for a "commitment ceremony"...  not a wedding, and no, they aren't gay.  They aren't getting married though, I suspect because a marriage makes it harder to claim welfare as a single mother.

In the envelope i found two registries.  One for Macy's and one for Walmart.   On the card where I was to select my meal for the evening, in lovely script under the first (presumably pricier) entree, it read "Please select from the Macy's registry".  Under the other entree it read "You may select from either registry"

Oh, may I?  How considerate!
 
2013-06-19 10:38:13 PM

poison_amy: weddings suck.  brides suck.
I got an invitation in April for a "commitment ceremony"...  not a wedding, and no, they aren't gay.  They aren't getting married though, I suspect because a marriage makes it harder to claim welfare as a single mother.

In the envelope i found two registries.  One for Macy's and one for Walmart.   On the card where I was to select my meal for the evening, in lovely script under the first (presumably pricier) entree, it read "Please select from the Macy's registry".  Under the other entree it read "You may select from either registry"

Oh, may I?  How considerate!


So... don't keep us in suspense!

/If you still have that card, I'll buy it from you just for the lulz.
 
2013-06-19 10:48:42 PM

noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.


Somebody probably already beat me to this, but if a couple already has everything they need, that's when they make it clear that they request only the honor of your presence. A honeymoon is not an appropriate request. Older couples or twice-marrieds who have everything they need should throw a nice party for their guests and call it a day.
 
2013-06-19 10:50:25 PM
This is why same-sex marriage shouldn't be tolerated.

Assholes...
 
2013-06-19 10:58:34 PM

Magnanimous_J: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.


I agree with you. My girlfriend and I already lived alone before we moved in together and now have 2 blenders, 2 knife sets, etc. The last thing in the world we need is stuff for the house. I ran the idea by her to just ask for money and she looked at me with horror, like I'd suggested charging for admission. She actually said we should register for gifts we don't need and then return them. What the hell is the point of that? Why make someone drive across town for a present we don't want when they would probably be happier writing a check?


It's funny that your name is Magnanimous. You have everything you need and yet you still want your friends and acquaintances to pay for your vacation.
 
2013-06-19 10:59:49 PM
And this is why I'm not going to any poo-footy weddings of acquaintances.  My wedding cost less than $2000, we got a few gifts but made it clear that gifts weren't expected on the invitations.  I was there to get married to my husband in the presence of people I love, not play princess for a day.
 
2013-06-19 11:02:12 PM
I figure my guests already shelled out for transportation, lodging and meals just to attend our wedding, I was going to be damned if I was going to extort money and or gifts too.

We paid for the best party we could afford and invited those who counted.

In spite of clearly stating "no gifts please", there were some who could not resist but we only really made fun of the Ant Farm and not because it was cheap, but because it was bizarre.
 
2013-06-19 11:09:15 PM

OregonVet: MadAzza: I have no idea why you banned him or what, if anything, he has to do with weddings in general,

He's from Detroit area, I think, but owned/rented a building where he jammed back in the day about 8 miles from my house. Every wedding around here has a too much of his music and having so many of our friends over the years weddings under our belt, she and I agreed it was not going to happen.


That's actually pretty funny, and now I understand. Thanks.
 
2013-06-19 11:16:43 PM

thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.


I don't go to a lot of weddings and have had only the one, but this very notion is something I'd never heard of, let along considered.
 
2013-06-19 11:19:18 PM

sufferpuppet: That gift was original, and awesome.  Nobody is ever going to remember who got them the champagne flutes or $100.  But the basket full of candy and marshmallow goo will stick in your memory forever.  Top score.


I agree.  My husband and I would have really enjoyed that basket.  We politely asked for cash by registering with a honeymoon registry site and were really happy that a lot of our guests contributed, but the most fun presents to open were the unusual ones.

\Plus, imagine the fun a couple could have with Marshmallow Fluff!
 
2013-06-19 11:21:24 PM
Fark weddings!!! This is why I won't go!!! I am To cheap for you bullshiat!
 
2013-06-19 11:22:58 PM
I want to point out to that snooty biatch that she thumbed her nose at "polite society" by hosting a wedding without a groom.
 
2013-06-19 11:27:11 PM

poison_amy: weddings suck.  brides suck.
I got an invitation in April for a "commitment ceremony"...  not a wedding, and no, they aren't gay.  They aren't getting married though, I suspect because a marriage makes it harder to claim welfare as a single mother.

In the envelope i found two registries.  One for Macy's and one for Walmart.   On the card where I was to select my meal for the evening, in lovely script under the first (presumably pricier) entree, it read "Please select from the Macy's registry".  Under the other entree it read "You may select from either registry"

Oh, may I?  How considerate!


That is farking appalling. This is the "cover your plate" mindset taken to its logical conclusion.
 
2013-06-19 11:34:35 PM

Lorelle: Perhaps the gift-givers couldn't afford to spend $200 on those money-grubbing, unappreciative biatches. Besides, gift baskets tend to be overpriced. The one pictured could have cost $50 or more.


From the looks of it, they grabbed whatever was unopened in their cupboard.  None of it goes together or even makes sense.  You can spend next to nothing on a basket (the price of the actually basket would stay constant) and at least come up with something that makes sense, say a bottle of wine or stuff for a bonfire (stuff for smores for example) or really anything with a theme.  I'd be more okay with no gift.

Bride's a coont though and deserves whatever ridicule she gets.  Completely inexcusable.  She not only embarrassed herself with this guest; everyone that attended will be completely put off by her attitude towards them and their attendance.
 
2013-06-19 11:37:05 PM
My wedding was simple, mom is really good sewer and so she made my wife's dress, had free use of a church and potluck reception.  We were happy to get any gifts.

When a cousin got married, we received a nice invitation.  We sent our RSVP, but work got in the way and it was well past the call to cancel date when we found out we couldn't go.  The marriage lasted well less than a year, her mom (my aunt) still won't talk to me.  Till now I hadn't even thought about it in years.  She'll die before I do, so oh well.

/it's easy not to care when you grow up without ever seeing them
 
2013-06-19 11:40:48 PM
I have a pro-tip: if money is an issue, don't have a $100/plate reception.
 
2013-06-19 11:43:52 PM

TheDumbBlonde: Wedding registeries were, where I come from, traditionally a local jeweler/fine gifts shop where the bride to be registered her china and silver patterns for the convenience of guests  WHO CHOSE TO USE IT. You didn't go to freaking Target and register for sheets and towels and egg poachers! You took what you received, were grateful not matter how tacky and wrote a goddamned thank you note. The whole lack of manners is out of control. It's out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

/Meh


You sound old. That's ok - me too.

I have no problem with people registering at Target/the hardware store/the pet store where they get the insects to feed the 12 iguanas who are the only children they'll ever have. But you don't expect gifts or send any kind of message that you expect them. No registry information on the invitation - you tell your sisters/mother/future mother-in-law where you're registered so they can pass on the information-only to people who ask them- and leave it at that. And ffs include several inexpensive things so your cousin in grad school can feel ok bringing 6 $2 wine glasses if she feels she needs to bring a gift at all.

Where I grew up (Montreal) there's a big mix of cultures, and there were definitely different expectations for each. For example:

French Canadian - big wedding (because we all have 12 great-uncles and 23 cousins on both sides), but fun with lots of music and dancing rather than elaborate. No one really gives a fark about gifts, but some family heirlooms might be passed down. When I was growing up money wouldn't have been ok as a gift. It's more common now.

Irish Catholic - similar, but with a longer mass. Open bar is a must. (I'm Irish/French Canadian. My liver never stood a chance.)

WASP - I think you give a chafing dish or something? I don't have many wasp friends.

Italian/Greek/Portuguese/East European - large, expensive weddings where you eat until you burst and dance until your feet fall off. Close relatives/wealthy and/or close friends give substantial cash gifts, younger friends, single elderly aunts and the like give smaller gifts, but usually cash.

Jewish - depends on the tradition, but money is common, as are registries.

Indian - household items or cash are appreciated.

All of this is subject to the personal preferences of the couple obviously. What isn't accepted in ANY is berating your guests by text message for doing the "wrong" thing.

/my own gay wedding cost $1200 for 10 people, paid by me, plus my (conservative) dad unexpectedly brought many bottles of nice wine. We ate and drank like kings. Everyone got a sincere thank you note whether or not they brought a gift - we just wanted them there.
 
2013-06-19 11:50:37 PM
Mrs. Sloppy and I eloped just because we could afford a wedding. We got no gifts and 12 years later are doing just fine.
 
2013-06-19 11:51:54 PM

teenytinycornteeth: So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"?


No, the people in TFA were putting on a performance, etc. That's what we're talking about here. I know nothing about your wedding.

Anyone who expects the "guests" to pay the costs of their meal and entertainment is selfish and greedy. The term for such attendees is not "guest"; it's "paying customer". A wedding is a celebration, not a fund-raiser.

Inviting whomever you want, however many people that happens to be, to celebrate with you is cool. Expecting them to pay for the privilege of being there is tacky.
 
2013-06-20 12:13:15 AM

poison_amy: In the envelope i found two registries.  One for Macy's and one for Walmart.   On the card where I was to select my meal for the evening, in lovely script under the first (presumably pricier) entree, it read "Please select from the Macy's registry".  Under the other entree it read "You may select from either registry"

Oh, may I?  How considerate!


Jesus. A few days ago there was an article posted here about how people frequently see someone for the last time at a wedding. If this kind of shiat is normal, I'm not surprised.
 
2013-06-20 12:13:42 AM

ExcaliburPrime111: The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.


And they have spent not one red cent "hosting" me because they are supposed to be celebrating their union, that's the purpose of the whole get together.  The day is all about them, not about me and what they're serving me.  I am there to see them take their vows, be a witness to their love and commitment to each other.

The rest is their choice, if they want to throw their money at me in the form of food and booze, that's fine.  But to demand that I pay for it in gifts is ludicrous and this "tradition" needs to be nipped in the bud.  These bride magazines and reality shows that shove this nonsense down our throats should be seen for what they really are.  The greedy industry making greedy women even more demanding.

If my daughter ever gets married, she'll be as smart as we were about it. Small wedding, a few friends, good, homemade food and lots of wine/champagne.  Our marriage has outlasted most of those ridiculously large weddings where the bride was in tears because one little thing went wrong, or the groom got so far into debt he hated the bride even before they said their vows.

Keep it simple; it's about love and commitment, not who spends the most on you.

BTW, that gift basket didn't only have candy in it.  It had a lot of great food items and probably cost between $50 and $75.  For an acquaintance, it's a decent gift.  And if the brides had thought about it, they could have gotten a great meal and some fun afterwards out of that basket, plus had a nice little storage container.
 
2013-06-20 12:42:12 AM
I attended a wedding of a friend years ago where I witnessed pretty much this exact same behavior first hand.  I was with a bunch of friends and we were all friends of the groom.  We were all in college together at the time and money was tight but I gave them an envelope with some cash in it to help cover their costs.  At the end of the night after most people had left the reception I watched as they and their family opened up all the envelopes and counted the cash they received.  There was a little argument within the group and then the groom came over to the table where us friends were sitting and asked if we could all chip in some more money (at least 100 dollars he said)  because they had come up short on what they received as gift money.

I was in complete shock.  He actually walked some of us over to the atm near the reception hall to get the money.  I had never seen this before at any weddings I had attended previously (but up to that point any weddings were mostly for relatives).  I chalked it up to a cultural thing (I'm as WASPy as you can get)...it was an Italian/Filipino wedding and they even had a money dance during the evening where they expected people to pin money to the bride and groom to dance with them.
 
2013-06-20 12:43:05 AM
Gays can marry and enjoy even these ridiculous societal expectations.

/Sure you still want to marry?
 
2013-06-20 12:57:22 AM

jigger: Why didn't they charge admission to the wedding? Would have saved some trouble.


This.
 
2013-06-20 01:01:04 AM

silverjets: I attended a wedding of a friend years ago where I witnessed pretty much this exact same behavior first hand.  I was with a bunch of friends and we were all friends of the groom.  We were all in college together at the time and money was tight but I gave them an envelope with some cash in it to help cover their costs.  At the end of the night after most people had left the reception I watched as they and their family opened up all the envelopes and counted the cash they received.  There was a little argument within the group and then the groom came over to the table where us friends were sitting and asked if we could all chip in some more money (at least 100 dollars he said)  because they had come up short on what they received as gift money.

I was in complete shock.  He actually walked some of us over to the atm near the reception hall to get the money.  I had never seen this before at any weddings I had attended previously (but up to that point any weddings were mostly for relatives).  I chalked it up to a cultural thing (I'm as WASPy as you can get)...it was an Italian/Filipino wedding and they even had a money dance during the evening where they expected people to pin money to the bride and groom to dance with them.


Dear God - I'm never going to another wedding again, I cannot imagine getting hit up to be led to the atm so I could cough up more money.  Jeaz.
 
2013-06-20 01:04:15 AM

silverjets: I attended a wedding of a friend years ago where I witnessed pretty much this exact same behavior first hand.  I was with a bunch of friends and we were all friends of the groom.  We were all in college together at the time and money was tight but I gave them an envelope with some cash in it to help cover their costs.  At the end of the night after most people had left the reception I watched as they and their family opened up all the envelopes and counted the cash they received.  There was a little argument within the group and then the groom came over to the table where us friends were sitting and asked if we could all chip in some more money (at least 100 dollars he said)  because they had come up short on what they received as gift money.

I was in complete shock.  He actually walked some of us over to the atm near the reception hall to get the money.  I had never seen this before at any weddings I had attended previously (but up to that point any weddings were mostly for relatives).  I chalked it up to a cultural thing (I'm as WASPy as you can get)...it was an Italian/Filipino wedding and they even had a money dance during the evening where they expected people to pin money to the bride and groom to dance with them.


Yeahhhh, I would've laughed in his face, excused myself while thanking him for the evening and never had anything to do with him ever again.
 
2013-06-20 01:15:35 AM

forbes01: They werent in it for the money


Considering that Laura wrote, "Weddings are to make money for your future", I think they disagree with you.
 
2013-06-20 01:41:30 AM
Tis a shiatty gift. you cant tell me that at some point they werent putting that together and thinking "wow what a shiatty gift."
 
2013-06-20 01:43:24 AM
Cover your plate is a stupid rule anyways.  Though I'm pretty sure my sister made a profit when she and BIL married.

Getting married in a few years myself--won't be as fancy as sister's.  Probably won't receive as much in wedding gifts.  Don't really give a shiat.
 
2013-06-20 01:45:57 AM

SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate.   Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one.


So? I thought the whole concept of marriage was that of "finding what makes *you* (plural) happy'", not "please everyone else". To hell with "society's expectations" of a wedding: either you care about and are committed to someone or you aren't, and a big expensive party has no bearing on that.
 
2013-06-20 01:50:16 AM

Doem: Tis a shiatty gift. you cant tell me that at some point they werent putting that together and thinking "wow what a shiatty gift."


It didn't only contain gummy bears and puffy stuff, but high priced biscotti, chocolate and other things that equates to a big basket of comfort food and road trip snacks for the honeymoon.  There is something wrong or shiatty with providing a newly married couple a big basket of comfort food as a wedding gift?  How can you be against giving friends comfort?  As well as some quick kinky ideas.

Well intentioned thought went into that gift.
 
2013-06-20 02:01:01 AM
I think all told we spent $1200 on our wedding 10 years ago. We got married at his family's cabin in the mountains, so free. We had a friend of the family who was a judge do the service, he didn't want cash for it, so we got him a bottle of 12 year old Scotch he likes instead. We rented an arbor and chairs. Wild flowers from the meadow were my bouquet. The reception dinner was a newly opened Bozeman restaurant that fed 20 people very, very well for around $700, including the bar. $34,000 for what? So you can be an ungrateful biatch?

Being a bride, I didn't even care about the gifts or the money, I just wanted my family and friends to share the day with us. The gift registry was just a formality for people to pick out gifts for us that would have little chance of being returned afterwards. I'm not ungrateful, but I don't need a wooden salad bowl set I will never use. Sadly, we ended up with a wooden salad bowl set that I burned about 5 years later. Ugliest damn things ever; they seriously looked like wooden cat food bowls. They went through several garage sales unsold. So, in the fire pit they went. Apparently his aunt and uncle bought like 6 sets of them, all of the kids in the family received them for their weddings as well. We all still giggle about how awful they are, so there is that factor to wacky useless gifts. ><

If you have to shake down your guests to pay for the wedding while at the wedding, you've got your priorities in the wrong place and your marriage is doomed.

That said, the gift in the article was a slight bit tacky, it'd be more appropriate for a bachelorette party with some naughty movies/sex toys/lingerie/lube thrown in the box.
 
2013-06-20 02:07:08 AM
When I was married we received cash almost exclusively. We had a modest wedding with 50 guests but the sum of said 'envelopes' was less than 1/8th the cost of the whole event. Luckily the intended purpose of our wedding day was to kick off the whole "happily ever after" thing, not to fill our bank account.

The one gift we did recieve still boggles me. A silver plated pasta measure. Had no idea what it was until doing a GIS, but spent some time trying (unsuccessfully) to convince the Mr that it was cockring.
 
2013-06-20 03:06:06 AM
You don't charge admission for a wedding.  If you do, you get customers instead of friends and family.  If you want your friends and family at your wedding, you should make it easy for them to be there.  If they are rich and want to "cover their plate" as their gift to you, that's really nice, but excluding (or ridiculing) those who can't is going to make for a wedding without any soul or real joy.
 
HBK
2013-06-20 03:35:57 AM

noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender".  Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.


Second weddings get no gifts if you went to the first wedding. Personal rule- I don't pay for your mistake.
 
HBK
2013-06-20 03:47:54 AM

006deluxe: Same here, and my wedding was just back in October. We ran the gamut of no gift at all from some people (which is perfectly fine, I'm just glad they came), to getting a $500 check from someone I had never even spoken to before and everything in between.


I got a Tiffany vase and a Tiffany frame from two different people I barely knew.

And here's the other thing. I had a few buddies that I knew didn't have much money. I'd rather them have not spent money they didn't have on kitchen appliances for me. That's why I put the towels and tortilla warmer on the registry. I was just happy they were there.

/was not registered at Tiffany's.
 
2013-06-20 04:01:35 AM

Shahab: The people who gave that gift though... I mean a janky basket with some candy in it? That is not an appropriate wedding gift.


Why not?
 
2013-06-20 04:42:10 AM
i'm willing to bet that not a dime was spent personally by either twunt. so acting outraged about people not covering the cost of dinner is beyond disingenuous.

enjoy your happy life together ladies. one of you sounds like a real catch.
 
2013-06-20 07:24:26 AM

silverjets: I attended a wedding of a friend years ago where I witnessed pretty much this exact same behavior first hand.  I was with a bunch of friends and we were all friends of the groom.  We were all in college together at the time and money was tight but I gave them an envelope with some cash in it to help cover their costs.  At the end of the night after most people had left the reception I watched as they and their family opened up all the envelopes and counted the cash they received.  There was a little argument within the group and then the groom came over to the table where us friends were sitting and asked if we could all chip in some more money (at least 100 dollars he said)  because they had come up short on what they received as gift money.

I was in complete shock.  He actually walked some of us over to the atm near the reception hall to get the money.  I had never seen this before at any weddings I had attended previously (but up to that point any weddings were mostly for relatives).  I chalked it up to a cultural thing (I'm as WASPy as you can get)...it was an Italian/Filipino wedding and they even had a money dance during the evening where they expected people to pin money to the bride and groom to dance with them.


I can honestly say there would be curse words and possibly a biatch slapping if someone did that to me.

<---- internet wedding tough guy

gadian: t didn't only contain gummy bears and puffy stuff, but high priced biscotti, chocolate and other things that equates to a big basket of comfort food and road trip snacks for the honeymoon. There is something wrong or shiatty with providing a newly married couple a big basket of comfort food as a wedding gift? How can you be against giving friends comfort? As well as some quick kinky ideas.

Well intentioned thought went into that gift.


Plus a decent basket.  I've made a few gifts like that; giving a nice decorative box / storage type of thing and fill it with decent snacks and stuff.

scotzrewl: Who the FARK invites a "casual acquaintance" to their wedding, and then expect, no.. DEMAND, a monetary gift of at least $150!?!?!

The biatchy coont needs to fark off and die.


I'll tell you what; the type of biatch who expects the wedding to be revenue neutral or even turn a profit.  They wanted a big moronic impressive wedding but didn't want to pay for it.
 
2013-06-20 08:25:48 AM
Worried about money for your future?  Here's a helpful tip; DON'T SPEND $34,000 ON YOUR FREAKIN' WEDDING!

I'm sure I'm not the first one to poiunt this out.
 
2013-06-20 08:43:15 AM
What's this giving money tradition? I thought the tradition was for the bride's father to pay for most everything. Since these lovely dykes have TWO FotBs, they clearly didn't explain the value proposition to them when they came out of the closet.
 
2013-06-20 09:24:31 AM
Look, the bride was a terrible person and nobody should be on her side, but can we stop pretending for a second that this was anything other than a terrible gift?  You can see in the picture that there's two bags of chocolate chips.  Not cookies, just plain old chips.  And that terrible marshmallow shiat.  You should never confront your guests about the gifts you get, so obviously the bride is wrong, but what kind of attendee thinks it's a good idea to raid the farking baking aisle at the grocery store and give what they find there as a gift?
 
2013-06-20 09:28:38 AM

catmandu: TheDumbBlonde: Wedding registeries were, where I come from, traditionally a local jeweler/fine gifts shop where the bride to be registered her china and silver patterns for the convenience of guests  WHO CHOSE TO USE IT. You didn't go to freaking Target and register for sheets and towels and egg poachers! You took what you received, were grateful not matter how tacky and wrote a goddamned thank you note. The whole lack of manners is out of control. It's out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

/Meh

Not only that but in the days of the hope chest the girl would register before she was engaged and family would buy a set of the china or silver for things like birthdays or graduation. The sheets, towels, and egg poachers were the shower gifts.


I know I'm really late to the party, but QFT.

I've never EVER thought that "covering my plate" was a responsibility.  I was invited to share in your day, not fund your party/honeymoon/life.

I did not have a registry of any type for my wedding.  1987 Married in small church, reception at the VFW, wine & beer with cash bar, food cooked by the lovely wives of VFW members.  Entire wedding, tuxes, dress, food, hall, wine & beer, limo, & two nights in hotel before we left for honeymoon $2000.  (roughly $4000 adjusted to 2013 rates)

We paid for all of it ourselves, as we were not children (26 & 31) and there was no reason for my father to pay for my wedding.  Never once did it occur to us to jimmy into people's wallets to get money for it.  We were not well off at all, so we saved up for a year to go to Jamaica for 10 days.

These brides represent pretty much all that is wrong with the wedding industry.  And some people.
 
2013-06-20 09:36:40 AM

redpenner: You don't charge admission for a wedding.  If you do, you get customers instead of friends and family.  If you want your friends and family at your wedding, you should make it easy for them to be there.  If they are rich and want to "cover their plate" as their gift to you, that's really nice, but excluding (or ridiculing) those who can't is going to make for a wedding without any soul or real joy.


This, totally and completely.

If you want other people to pay for your party, those people are customers and they expect (and deserve) good value for the money they've paid. By and large, a wedding -- where, naturally, the entire focus is on the bride and groom -- is not the sort of thing most people would pay to go to, especially if they're among the collection of friends of relatives of acquaintances that people like this invite in the first place. What could a couple get for $200? Well, around here, dinner at a very good restaurant, a movie at a not-quite-so-good movie theater (hey, it's the only one we've got!), and probably enough left over for at least a few drinks at the brewpub downtown. Or, gas to Charleston and back, a night of considerably more impressive night life, and maybe a room at the Motel 6 to sleep it off. Sounds more fun than someone else's party where they don't even notice your presence, just your presents, and you spend the night getting hammered with the only two people there you know. So, if they want to make it a business transaction -- payment tendered for value received -- a wedding comes out looking pretty inadequate, value-wise. If they sold tickets at the door, buyers would be few and far between.

I think people who are in the right frame of mind, and are more likely to be happy, have the wedding that they can afford and invite the people they want to share the day with -- and the emphasis is on share. It doesn't matter (despite the person who, for some unaccountable reason, thinks I'm talking about her) whether that's five people or five hundred people; it's whether you're throwing a party to celebrate your wedding, or you're expecting other people, even ones you barely know, to give that party for you. People who couldn't afford the wedding if the guests weren't made to feel obligated to pay for it, who invite whatever people they think they can make a buck off of (and as many of them as they can cram in the venue), and start the whole thing off with a cash-grab, have their priorities in the wrong place, and that's going to resurface in other ways throughout their (probably brief) marriages. If someone is a greedy Bridezilla or (what's the male equivalent?) on their wedding day, they're not going to be a different person the next day; that's what kind of person they are.

Someone upthread said there's a word for this kind of person: Panhandler. I totally agree.
 
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