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(Toronto Star)   "I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return"   (thestar.com) divider line 372
    More: Asinine, Sour Patch Kids, Miss Manners, Community Code of Conduct, The Spectator  
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16863 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jun 2013 at 5:15 PM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-19 07:57:11 PM
Who the FARK invites a "casual acquaintance" to their wedding, and then expect, no.. DEMAND, a monetary gift of at least $150!?!?!

The biatchy coont needs to fark off and die.
 
2013-06-19 07:59:34 PM

JonZoidberg: digitalrain: Congrats on the best man gig!

I am actually rather dreading it.  It's not my first time being a best man, and I don't have much of a problem with public speaking.  He was the best man at my wedding a decade ago.  We've known each other since grade school, but haven't seen terribly much of each other since we went off to college.  We do talk on the phone every couple of months.  I know zero of his friends and have only met his fiancee at christmas last year.  I feel he asked me to be nice, but I am really going to have to dig deep to come up with some toast material.


Have you talked to his friends to get material for the toast? You could tell him that you're OK with it if he chooses a different best man, giving the reasons you gave here, although that might be difficult. He'd either be hugely relieved or greatly offended. Maybe you could ask his other friends if he's said anything about it?
 
2013-06-19 08:00:53 PM

SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate.   Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one.  Moreover, in many cultures, it's an insult NOT to invite people.  So, if you're invited, either don't RSVP, or cover your plate.


I'm sorry, but that's bullshiat.  I got married right out of college (people used to do it a long time ago).  In addition to our extended family, we had a lot of college or just out of college friends who meant the world to us that we would have been heartbroken had they not attended.  I knew they couldn't afford big lavish gifts, but I still threw a big lavish wedding, because my grandfather, who had passed away before I got married left me quite a chunk of cash to do so.  My wedding was to celebrate marrying my best friend and to gather all of our friends and family in one place to party down and funky.  Did I get a million dollars in return?  No. But we had a wonderful time.

If what you're saying is true, then that means you can't go to your best friends wedding if you happen to be out of work and can't splurge on a $150 gift.

As for the food basket, I think we're all seeing it through the eyes of the assy bride.  My husband and I used to give gifts of "Taste of Chicago" to people getting married out of our state.  We would buy a gorgeous picnic basket and fill it with fun treats made in Chicago.  Some things were gourmet or fancy, but some were Morton Salt or Lemonhead Candy.  The point was...it was a personal statement from one friend to another not "here's some money like the other 100 people gave you".

I'm sad for the people who gave this gift.  They may have fallen on hard times and couldn't afford the gift they wanted to gift so they thought of being creative. Here's the thanks they get.  Jesus.
 
2013-06-19 08:08:24 PM
OregonVet:
/other things banned included Bob Seger and the stupid garter ritual (although she did throw the flowers thing)

I have no idea why you banned him or what, if anything, he has to do with weddings in general, but I now have a mental image of Bob Seger banging on the door of your wedding venue before bursting into tears and doing the Slow Slide Down the Wall as he howls, "Why won't you let me innnnn!"
 
2013-06-19 08:09:15 PM

SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate. Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one.


Marketers must love you.
 
2013-06-19 08:09:22 PM
Worldwalker:
When I got married, we had 14 people, including the wedding party. We only invited the people we really, truly wanted to share our wedding ceremony with -- immediate family and a few very close friends. We were sharing our marriage with the people we loved, not putting on a performance for an audience, one for which that audience was expected to pay though the nose. We have wonderful memories, as do our friends, and we've never in 20 years had the slightest regret for not starting off our marriage with an exercise in selfishness and greed.

OOO! You have everyone all figured out. So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"?  It is possible for people filled with love and sincerity to host a large wedding and still have it be meaningful and memorable.  I, too have been married for nearly 20 years and I wouldn't change one thing about my wedding.
 
2013-06-19 08:13:09 PM
Apparently I've been raised under a rock. I've never been asked to "cover my plate" at anything. As poor as I am, if that were of me I'd check "We regret to inform you..." and do something else that day.

/TF is cheap entertainment
 
2013-06-19 08:18:56 PM
Weddings are getting out of control.

In off-chance that I get hitched, this is what I want:

1: go to court in pretty, inexpensive dress. Get hitched.
2: go somewhere fun with my s/o and celebrate
3: come home. Throw party with lots of booze and a rented backhoe for funsies

Didn't bring a gift. That's cool...I'm broke, too! Booze is between the dancing girls and bonfire. Be careful. Brought a gift? Much appreciated! Booze is between the dancing girls and the bonfire. Be careful. Everyone: I get dibs on the first backhoe ride.

And marshmallow fluff and Sour Patch Kids (especially the red ones) sounds fantastic.
 
2013-06-19 08:20:33 PM

teenytinycornteeth: OOO! You have everyone all figured out. So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"? It is possible for people filled with love and sincerity to host a large wedding and still have it be meaningful and memorable. I, too have been married for nearly 20 years and I wouldn't change one thing about my wedding.


It's possible, but for the vast majority of people, the cost/benefit analysis is waaay off. I have a friend who got married. They spent $4k on a dress, $4k on a cake, probably $10k for the venue with food and everything.

They still live in the basement of the father in law's house. I think they spent more on invitations than we spent on our entire wedding.

My wife and I are just as married, and probably at least as happy.
 
2013-06-19 08:20:41 PM

JonZoidberg: digitalrain: Congrats on the best man gig!

I am actually rather dreading it.  It's not my first time being a best man, and I don't have much of a problem with public speaking.  He was the best man at my wedding a decade ago.  We've known each other since grade school, but haven't seen terribly much of each other since we went off to college.  We do talk on the phone every couple of months.  I know zero of his friends and have only met his fiancee at christmas last year.  I feel he asked me to be nice, but I am really going to have to dig deep to come up with some toast material.


Pics in the tux or it didn't happen.
 
2013-06-19 08:21:28 PM

MadAzza: JonZoidberg: digitalrain: Congrats on the best man gig!

I am actually rather dreading it.  It's not my first time being a best man, and I don't have much of a problem with public speaking.  He was the best man at my wedding a decade ago.  We've known each other since grade school, but haven't seen terribly much of each other since we went off to college.  We do talk on the phone every couple of months.  I know zero of his friends and have only met his fiancee at christmas last year.  I feel he asked me to be nice, but I am really going to have to dig deep to come up with some toast material.

Have you talked to his friends to get material for the toast? You could tell him that you're OK with it if he chooses a different best man, giving the reasons you gave here, although that might be difficult. He'd either be hugely relieved or greatly offended. Maybe you could ask his other friends if he's said anything about it?


I now suddenly have email addresses for his friends since he sent some planning emails to all of us.  That's probably a good idea.  I thought about giving him an out for picking someone else, but it's probably too late for that.  I bet I can think of some old cub scouts stories to tell.
 
2013-06-19 08:21:31 PM

megarian: rented backhoe for funsies


...go on...
 
2013-06-19 08:23:43 PM

Sid_6.7: teenytinycornteeth: OOO! You have everyone all figured out. So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"? It is possible for people filled with love and sincerity to host a large wedding and still have it be meaningful and memorable. I, too have been married for nearly 20 years and I wouldn't change one thing about my wedding.

It's possible, but for the vast majority of people, the cost/benefit analysis is waaay off. I have a friend who got married. They spent $4k on a dress, $4k on a cake, probably $10k for the venue with food and everything.

They still live in the basement of the father in law's house. I think they spent more on invitations than we spent on our entire wedding.

My wife and I are just as married, and probably at least as happy.


Fine. But to say that anyone who doesn't just throw a picnic in their backyard is "exercise in selfishness and greed" and "putting on a performance" is a touch unfair. LIke I said above, I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding because I'd always dreamed of a big wedding. It doesn't mean that we're not happy or in love or selfish or any of those assumptions.  Not spending a ton of cash doesn't automatically make your marriage or your love more sincere or "real".
 
2013-06-19 08:24:26 PM
Had a western, then an indian wedding last month for less than 12k put together, and it was a nice affair.
 
2013-06-19 08:24:31 PM

tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"

This.

Well you know ; )


You. I like you.
 
2013-06-19 08:24:51 PM

megarian: Weddings are getting out of control.

In off-chance that I get hitched, this is what I want:

1: go to court in pretty, inexpensive dress. Get hitched.
2: go somewhere fun with my s/o and celebrate
3: come home. Throw party with lots of booze and a rented backhoe for funsies

Didn't bring a gift. That's cool...I'm broke, too! Booze is between the dancing girls and bonfire. Be careful. Brought a gift? Much appreciated! Booze is between the dancing girls and the bonfire. Be careful. Everyone: I get dibs on the first backhoe ride.

And marshmallow fluff and Sour Patch Kids (especially the red ones) sounds fantastic.


Marry me (with all due respect to Arrested Development)
 
2013-06-19 08:26:36 PM
[old fart csb alert]

Wow, this thread has been an eye opener.  Way back in the dark ages when Mrs RT & I got married we were the first of our social group to do so (in fact it was the first wedding that I had ever been to - to say I was clueless about the whole thing would be the biggest understatement in history).  She comes from a fairly big family & her parents wanted to make sure that ALL the relatives were able to come if they wanted (& they all did).  So it turned rather quickly into a big production, however our attitude was they're paying for the party, they get to make it as big as they want (we were just the excuse for the get together)***.  It was a week before Christmas so the church was decorated already & looked stunning.  The reception was a huge event that most everyone had to be thrown out of as we were having so much fun.  One of our friends told me later that she was talking to Mrs RT's dad about the cost of the whole thing & his reply was one that's stuck with me all these years.  Essentially it was something along the lines of "My daughter is getting married & I want to celebrate it with the people I love.  Yes the wedding itself cost a bit (this was back before the days of wedding planners & all that silliness), but 75%+ of the cost went to the reception.  I want all my friends & family to have a great time & I don't want the food or booze to run out."  They did & it didn't.

So over the years that has been my advice to people talking about their wedding, no more than 25% of the budget on anything related to the wedding & 75% to making sure that the people coming to celebrate with you have a great time.  As far as gifts go/went we were glad to get whatever people thought to give & continue to use & enjoy some of them to this day.  These days if/when we go to any weddings (rare - but our friends' kids & ours are getting towards that age) I tend to check directly with them as to what would be most useful/appreciated (especially if the registry is filled with silly crap like crystal & china - I think we've used ours less than a dozen times over the past 25 years) & let them know that asking for cash is fine.  If we care enough about them to actually go sit through a wedding, giving them something very nice is something that we want to do (usually because one of the ones getting married is someone that we've watched grow up over the years).  Note, this only applies to first weddings of people in their early 20s.  People beyond that point in life generally have much of what they need & tend to ask that gifts go to charity.  Someone looking at a wedding as a cash grab is someone we probably wouldn't be friends with anyway so to me that isn't an issue.

***Sitting here thinking about the whole thing I don't recall there being a family Christmas party that year (there always was a big one that everyone went to).  Apparently that sneaky bastard Father-in-Law of mine made our reception the Christmas party as well.  Well done Bill, well done...

[/old fart csb alert]
 
2013-06-19 08:28:55 PM

Sid_6.7: megarian: rented backhoe for funsies

...go on...


Well, maybe that kind of backhoe, too...for the "bridal party".
 
2013-06-19 08:29:20 PM

megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"

This.

Well you know ; )

You. I like you.


Same, now I just have one question. Have ya ever operated a backhoe?
/They are fun : )
 
2013-06-19 08:29:40 PM

JonZoidberg: MadAzza: JonZoidberg: digitalrain: Congrats on the best man gig!

I am actually rather dreading it.  It's not my first time being a best man, and I don't have much of a problem with public speaking.  He was the best man at my wedding a decade ago.  We've known each other since grade school, but haven't seen terribly much of each other since we went off to college.  We do talk on the phone every couple of months.  I know zero of his friends and have only met his fiancee at christmas last year.  I feel he asked me to be nice, but I am really going to have to dig deep to come up with some toast material.

Have you talked to his friends to get material for the toast? You could tell him that you're OK with it if he chooses a different best man, giving the reasons you gave here, although that might be difficult. He'd either be hugely relieved or greatly offended. Maybe you could ask his other friends if he's said anything about it?

I now suddenly have email addresses for his friends since he sent some planning emails to all of us.  That's probably a good idea.  I thought about giving him an out for picking someone else, but it's probably too late for that.  I bet I can think of some old cub scouts stories to tell.


You don't need to be longwinded. Brevity is the soul of wit.

Keep it short, keep to the point, and emphasis the emotional themes of union and future. Something like:

"I've known [Groom] since grade school. I was right beside him when [amusing childhood ancedote] happened, I was there when [high school ancedote] happened. I thought perhaps I would be stuck right by him through all of life's travails - but college changed that. I realized that I wouldn't always be there for [groom] like when we were kids. That is why I am so pleased to see him with [bride] on this day, forging a partnership to last. Now [groom] will have a true partner that will love and support him in all the ways I never could. Congratulations to [Bride] and [Groom] - here's to your union."

This isn't hard.
 
2013-06-19 08:30:11 PM

MadAzza: I have no idea why you banned him or what, if anything, he has to do with weddings in general,


He's from Detroit area, I think, but owned/rented a building where he jammed back in the day about 8 miles from my house. Every wedding around here has a too much of his music and having so many of our friends over the years weddings under our belt, she and I agreed it was not going to happen.
 
2013-06-19 08:30:18 PM

Pincy: megarian: Weddings are getting out of control.

In off-chance that I get hitched, this is what I want:

1: go to court in pretty, inexpensive dress. Get hitched.
2: go somewhere fun with my s/o and celebrate
3: come home. Throw party with lots of booze and a rented backhoe for funsies

Didn't bring a gift. That's cool...I'm broke, too! Booze is between the dancing girls and bonfire. Be careful. Brought a gift? Much appreciated! Booze is between the dancing girls and the bonfire. Be careful. Everyone: I get dibs on the first backhoe ride.

And marshmallow fluff and Sour Patch Kids (especially the red ones) sounds fantastic.

Marry me (with all due respect to Arrested Development)


Yay! I do!

I can still get drunk, right?
 
2013-06-19 08:30:29 PM
An old tradition in my family is to give the bride and groom a year's worth of dry goods - 1 giant bag of rice, big bag of beans, powdered milk etc.  The idea being that whatever else the couple goes through that first year, they won't go hungry.  I find that quite touching, but such a thing would be laughed out of modern gift giving.
 
2013-06-19 08:32:10 PM

tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"

This.

Well you know ; )

You. I like you.

Same, now I just have one question. Have ya ever operated a backhoe?
/They are fun : )


I have. And it was awesome.
 
2013-06-19 08:36:22 PM

gadian: An old tradition in my family is to give the bride and groom a year's worth of dry goods - 1 giant bag of rice, big bag of beans, powdered milk etc.  The idea being that whatever else the couple goes through that first year, they won't go hungry.  I find that quite touching, but such a thing would be laughed out of modern gift giving.


I think that is really cool.
 
2013-06-19 08:37:26 PM

gadian: An old tradition in my family is to give the bride and groom a year's worth of dry goods - 1 giant bag of rice, big bag of beans, powdered milk etc.  The idea being that whatever else the couple goes through that first year, they won't go hungry.  I find that quite touching, but such a thing would be laughed out of modern gift giving.


I believe there's another tradition (French?) To give Bread and Salt.  I've seen gorgeous wooden bowls with rustic homemade bread and a pretty jar of salt, tied up in silk  ribbon.  It's tradition, it's thoughtful and you're right, it would be laughed out of town.
 
2013-06-19 08:38:36 PM

megarian: Pincy: megarian: Weddings are getting out of control.

In off-chance that I get hitched, this is what I want:

1: go to court in pretty, inexpensive dress. Get hitched.
2: go somewhere fun with my s/o and celebrate
3: come home. Throw party with lots of booze and a rented backhoe for funsies

Didn't bring a gift. That's cool...I'm broke, too! Booze is between the dancing girls and bonfire. Be careful. Brought a gift? Much appreciated! Booze is between the dancing girls and the bonfire. Be careful. Everyone: I get dibs on the first backhoe ride.

And marshmallow fluff and Sour Patch Kids (especially the red ones) sounds fantastic.

Marry me (with all due respect to Arrested Development)

Yay! I do!

I can still get drunk, right?


You'd probably need to be drunk before you would be able to convince yourself to get together with me :-)

/Not the best looking guy and I can admit that.
 
2013-06-19 08:39:37 PM
Hmm...two women marrying each other complaining because something wasn't done in the same way that "normal, functioning people" would do it.

That's irony.
 
2013-06-19 08:40:11 PM

megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"

This.

Well you know ; )

You. I like you.

Same, now I just have one question. Have ya ever operated a backhoe?
/They are fun : )

I have. And it was awesome.


Cool just checking : )
/And I has a sad now you're marring Pincy :/
 
2013-06-19 08:40:26 PM

gadian: An old tradition in my family is to give the bride and groom a year's worth of dry goods - 1 giant bag of rice, big bag of beans, powdered milk etc.  The idea being that whatever else the couple goes through that first year, they won't go hungry.  I find that quite touching, but such a thing would be laughed out of modern gift giving.


My dad's side compiles a family cookbook for each wedding (unless there are multiples in a year).  Everyone who submits a recipe usually gets a spiralbound copy and the couple get a bound one.  It's sweet but its a bit of effort to get those put together, just like when I decided (dumbly) to scan all the old photo albums.  We have a big family so the books get pretty thick.

For the last one, I submitted my lentil soup recipe, which is in between America's Test Kitchen's and Alton Brown's.  I could eat it cold outta the fridge.
 
2013-06-19 08:42:12 PM

Pincy: megarian: Pincy: megarian: Weddings are getting out of control.

In off-chance that I get hitched, this is what I want:

1: go to court in pretty, inexpensive dress. Get hitched.
2: go somewhere fun with my s/o and celebrate
3: come home. Throw party with lots of booze and a rented backhoe for funsies

Didn't bring a gift. That's cool...I'm broke, too! Booze is between the dancing girls and bonfire. Be careful. Brought a gift? Much appreciated! Booze is between the dancing girls and the bonfire. Be careful. Everyone: I get dibs on the first backhoe ride.

And marshmallow fluff and Sour Patch Kids (especially the red ones) sounds fantastic.

Marry me (with all due respect to Arrested Development)

Yay! I do!

I can still get drunk, right?

You'd probably need to be drunk before you would be able to convince yourself to get together with me :-)

/Not the best looking guy and I can admit that.


Don't care. I'm a little nuts. We're even.
 
2013-06-19 08:43:37 PM
The gift was tacky, but it WAS a gift: not everyone has the means to give very expensive things, and they were invited, and brought what you have to guess was the best they could. You have to accept such a thing in the spirit in which it is given. The bride should have graciously thanked them for it and let it go. To criticize it would be in horribly bad taste.

The missus and I come from European roots.  I grew up in the Polish community in Chicago. Our cultural norm was that while it is great to be invited to a party, nobody wants their good time to bankrupt a young couple just starting out, so if you go, your own conscience demands  give a gift or a lovely card with money, about equal to offsetting the cost of your dinner.  Understand, the new couple does NOT have any expectation of such a gift. But it IS welcomed.

  If you REALLY love the couple, you contribute even more, to put into their "nest egg" and get them off to a solid start.  On the bride and groom's side, you restrict the guest list to the closest family and friends, then as many people outside that circle as you think you can afford, on the assumption that nobody is going to reimburse you.

How it usually works out is that some people attend but stiff you, some RSVP but don't show up, some will mail you a gift but not attend, while a few will attend and pay way more than the customary amount, and if you're lucky you get somewhere close to break-even.

   Our reception for 350 people (big families, 250 actually came) cost  $2,500. We saved up for and paid for everything ourselves, the parents did not have to pay anything.  The per plate/seat cost to us was probably around $20 after all the additions, subtractions, and credits.  Wine and sodas were free, on us. The hard liquor and beer were a cash bar (we're teetotalers). Had we covered an open bar it would have probably doubled the cost.  We had a DJ instead of a band, he sucked, but that's another story. We made our own centerpieces for the decor, containing live plants, which people took home as mementos. We about broke even, maybe "profited" by one or two hundred. We registered at places like Menards or Home Depot for stuff to fix up our new old house, instead of useless junk, but even when people ignored the registered places and sent us chafing dishes and fondue sets, we never complained or asked for receipts or anything like that.


Where we come from, catering a wedding used to cost between 25 and 75 dollars a plate, for a choice between two, full-service, three course dinners, ( a meat  based meal and a fish or pasta alternative)  dessert, and table wine, plus tea, coffee, sodas...   You got surreptitious clues as to what the couple was going to spend because your invitation to the reception included sample menus. You could look at that menu, see which hall they were using, fancy or modest, and guess pretty close to what the per plate cost was, but most people default to fifty bucks and that's a "safe" amount, not too chintzy, not extravagant.

Most receptions I went to (and I used to go to a LOT of them as a wedding videographer) had a "wishing well"; a decorated box for envelopes, partly to keep them organized, partly to make the money easier to keep an eye on.


I never saw a "dollar dance" until I moved south, and I still think they're tacky, but hey, if it is their  local custom, it's not my place to make a deal out of it. As a guest, you are their to wish them well, show support, and share their joy.

A friend of mine at work had a very modest wedding in his backyard with about 25 guests, no dress code,  some barbecue and a bunch of coolers full of beers, and a boom box...  I came dressed casual, but I still brought a card with a fifty in it. They certainly could use the money towards a honeymoon trip. It's just being considerate.
 
2013-06-19 08:45:27 PM
They werent in it for the money but they expected the people who they invited to be a little more appreciative and caring than bringing a $30, last minute gift to a $34,000 occasion. Think of it like this, would you wear cargo shorts and a bob marley shirt with flip flops to an oscar awards ceremony? No. and if you did people would look down upon you. sure its rude but you are disrespecting everyone by acting like its no big deal since people spend weeks to prepare for those ceremonies. People are only agreeing with the gift givers because this article is biased towards the gift givers and definitely aims to ridicule the newlyweds.

Both parties are at fault, but the newlyweds only became at fault when they voiced their opinions about the crappy gift... honesty hurts i guess.
 
2013-06-19 08:45:35 PM

sugarhi: FTFA: She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hall.

Holy sh*t! Horrible rudeness aside, people are absolutely insane when it comes to shelling out thousands for the spectacle that weddings have become.

Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.


This is what my husband and I did. We were poor 20-somethings with hand-me-down rings, married at the courthouse in regular clothes in front of just a couple friends and our parents. Went back to mom's house and ate the meal she cooked (which was awesome) and ate the cake she baked (boston creme pie, my favorite). Had a blast.

Then on the weekend after the wedding, mom threw a party at her house and we invited everyone we could think of. It was a semi-pot luck thing, as some people brought food, but mostly my mom cooked everything. A friend of hers who was taking cake-decorating classes was thrilled to make a more "traditional" wedding cake for us. Another friend who was a really good photographer took our pictures and pictures of the party. Dad bought the cases of champagne. Another friend made lumpia in a steady stream out of the kitchen. There was lots to eat, lots to drink, games, music, dancing, lots of fun, a money tree, and lots of presents for hubby and I to open.

We didn't spend ONE SECOND planning this event. The most we did ourselves was make an appointment at the courthouse and the appointment for the blood tests at the doctor's office. Everything else was handled by our parents and friends and we couldn't have been happier about it and how our "big day" turned out.

And we've been married 33 years now. These ladies in the article should be so lucky.

/thanked everyone appropriately for all our gifts, regardless of what they cost
//AND sent out thank-you notes
 
2013-06-19 08:45:42 PM

tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"

This.

Well you know ; )

You. I like you.

Same, now I just have one question. Have ya ever operated a backhoe?
/They are fun : )

I have. And it was awesome.

Cool just checking : )
/And I has a sad now you're marring Pincy :/


...I'm not against polygamy. Just sayin'.

I can haz harem?

/a girl can dream
 
2013-06-19 08:48:59 PM

megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"

This.

Well you know ; )

You. I like you.

Same, now I just have one question. Have ya ever operated a backhoe?
/They are fun : )

I have. And it was awesome.

Cool just checking : )
/And I has a sad now you're marring Pincy :/

...I'm not against polygamy. Just sayin'.

I can haz harem?

/a girl can dream


Well you dream is to marry a couple : )
 
2013-06-19 08:49:43 PM

forbes01: They werent in it for the money but they expected the people who they invited to be a little more appreciative and caring than bringing a $30, last minute gift to a $34,000 occasion. Think of it like this, would you wear cargo shorts and a bob marley shirt with flip flops to an oscar awards ceremony? No. and if you did people would look down upon you. sure its rude but you are disrespecting everyone by acting like its no big deal since people spend weeks to prepare for those ceremonies. People are only agreeing with the gift givers because this article is biased towards the gift givers and definitely aims to ridicule the newlyweds.

Both parties are at fault, but the newlyweds only became at fault when they voiced their opinions about the crappy gift... honesty hurts i guess.


So every guest is supposed to know how much they couple is spending on the wedding now?

If you expect people to help chip in for your wedding then you better state it explicitly on the invitation.  Otherwise, be gracious and stop biatching about the gifts you received.
 
2013-06-19 08:53:00 PM

teenytinycornteeth: Sid_6.7: teenytinycornteeth: OOO! You have everyone all figured out. So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"? It is possible for people filled with love and sincerity to host a large wedding and still have it be meaningful and memorable. I, too have been married for nearly 20 years and I wouldn't change one thing about my wedding.

It's possible, but for the vast majority of people, the cost/benefit analysis is waaay off. I have a friend who got married. They spent $4k on a dress, $4k on a cake, probably $10k for the venue with food and everything.

They still live in the basement of the father in law's house. I think they spent more on invitations than we spent on our entire wedding.

My wife and I are just as married, and probably at least as happy.

Fine. But to say that anyone who doesn't just throw a picnic in their backyard is "exercise in selfishness and greed" and "putting on a performance" is a touch unfair. LIke I said above, I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding because I'd always dreamed of a big wedding. It doesn't mean that we're not happy or in love or selfish or any of those assumptions.  Not spending a ton of cash doesn't automatically make your marriage or your love more sincere or "real".


No judgement, but if I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding, I would have used that money as a down payment on a house and held the wedding in the backyard.
 
2013-06-19 08:54:12 PM

space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?


Meh, its changed over the years.

Wedding gifts used to be about getting a start in life, however, not wads of cash. It was more like "we're 19 and getting married. Party in the field behind my parents house. Moms making a ham, dad is out trying to hunt down some rabbits. We will need pots, pans, knives, bedding, and rugs for our new one-room house. thanks!"

Then, it slowly became "we're 25 and getting married. Party at the VFW hall. My uncle's restaurant is bringing the food. a bit of Cash is cool because we could use some gas money for our honeymoon to Niagra Falls"

Today, its "We're 36 and this is our second marriage each. We rented out a Victorian Mansion we saw on HGTV and got Gordon Ramsay to cook for us table side. Bring your credit cards."
 
2013-06-19 08:58:30 PM

Rye_: teenytinycornteeth: Sid_6.7: teenytinycornteeth: OOO! You have everyone all figured out. So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"? It is possible for people filled with love and sincerity to host a large wedding and still have it be meaningful and memorable. I, too have been married for nearly 20 years and I wouldn't change one thing about my wedding.

It's possible, but for the vast majority of people, the cost/benefit analysis is waaay off. I have a friend who got married. They spent $4k on a dress, $4k on a cake, probably $10k for the venue with food and everything.

They still live in the basement of the father in law's house. I think they spent more on invitations than we spent on our entire wedding.

My wife and I are just as married, and probably at least as happy.

Fine. But to say that anyone who doesn't just throw a picnic in their backyard is "exercise in selfishness and greed" and "putting on a performance" is a touch unfair. LIke I said above, I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding because I'd always dreamed of a big wedding. It doesn't mean that we're not happy or in love or selfish or any of those assumptions.  Not spending a ton of cash doesn't automatically make your marriage or your love more sincere or "real".

No judgement, but if I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding, I would have used that money as a down payment on a house and held the wedding in the backyard.


We both had jobs, were planning on moving within the year and we both had gigantic families.  And we wanted a big wedding.  To each their own.  I'm not going to be made to feel like an idiot for doing what we felt was right and fun.
 
2013-06-19 09:00:00 PM

teenytinycornteeth: Rye_: teenytinycornteeth: Sid_6.7: teenytinycornteeth: OOO! You have everyone all figured out. So anyone who has a wedding with over 20 people is "putting on a performance" and "exercising selfishness and greed"? It is possible for people filled with love and sincerity to host a large wedding and still have it be meaningful and memorable. I, too have been married for nearly 20 years and I wouldn't change one thing about my wedding.

It's possible, but for the vast majority of people, the cost/benefit analysis is waaay off. I have a friend who got married. They spent $4k on a dress, $4k on a cake, probably $10k for the venue with food and everything.

They still live in the basement of the father in law's house. I think they spent more on invitations than we spent on our entire wedding.

My wife and I are just as married, and probably at least as happy.

Fine. But to say that anyone who doesn't just throw a picnic in their backyard is "exercise in selfishness and greed" and "putting on a performance" is a touch unfair. LIke I said above, I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding because I'd always dreamed of a big wedding. It doesn't mean that we're not happy or in love or selfish or any of those assumptions.  Not spending a ton of cash doesn't automatically make your marriage or your love more sincere or "real".

No judgement, but if I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding, I would have used that money as a down payment on a house and held the wedding in the backyard.

We both had jobs, were planning on moving within the year and we both had gigantic families.  And we wanted a big wedding.  To each their own.  I'm not going to be made to feel like an idiot for doing what we felt was right and fun.


Like I said, no judgement.  I'd just really like a house.
 
2013-06-19 09:00:35 PM

orbister: costermonger: Who said anything about advance? I thought you were supposed to mentally estimate a tab throughout the evening and then add/subtract a tip based on the amount of cleavage the bride is showing.

When there are two brides do you do it on total boobage or geometric mean?


Well, if it's supposed to be based on total boobage, that could explain why this bride was so pissed off.
 
2013-06-19 09:05:43 PM
It's not my fault you decided on a $200/person affair and only registered for expensive gifts. realize that not all of your friends are well off.
 
2013-06-19 09:13:02 PM

megarian: I can haz harem?


We only live an hour+ apart...
 
2013-06-19 09:22:48 PM

megarian: Weddings are getting out of control.

In off-chance that I get hitched, this is what I want:

1: go to court in pretty, inexpensive dress. Get hitched.
2: go somewhere fun with my s/o and celebrate
3: come home. Throw party with lots of booze and a rented backhoe for funsies

Didn't bring a gift. That's cool...I'm broke, too! Booze is between the dancing girls and bonfire. Be careful. Brought a gift? Much appreciated! Booze is between the dancing girls and the bonfire. Be careful. Everyone: I get dibs on the first backhoe ride.

And marshmallow fluff and Sour Patch Kids (especially the red ones) sounds fantastic.


I have an operator's license... backhoe... excavator... Gradall... you name it. So... how you doin'? You wanna kick me in the balls and take half my stuff? Sorry that came out wrong... I meant... you wanna hang out?
 
2013-06-19 09:23:21 PM
But the important thing is, somewhere in Canada, two lucky guys just dodged a bullet.
 
2013-06-19 09:34:55 PM

Pray 4 Mojo: megarian: Weddings are getting out of control.

In off-chance that I get hitched, this is what I want:

1: go to court in pretty, inexpensive dress. Get hitched.
2: go somewhere fun with my s/o and celebrate
3: come home. Throw party with lots of booze and a rented backhoe for funsies

Didn't bring a gift. That's cool...I'm broke, too! Booze is between the dancing girls and bonfire. Be careful. Brought a gift? Much appreciated! Booze is between the dancing girls and the bonfire. Be careful. Everyone: I get dibs on the first backhoe ride.

And marshmallow fluff and Sour Patch Kids (especially the red ones) sounds fantastic.

I have an operator's license... backhoe... excavator... Gradall... you name it. So... how you doin'? You wanna kick me in the balls and take half my stuff? Sorry that came out wrong... I meant... you wanna hang out?


I don't need more stuff. I lose my own stuff constantly.

...but an excavator, you say? I do have a big backyard.
 
2013-06-19 09:37:31 PM
This article contains the full text message exchange between the guest and one of the brides.

One of the guests is the former boss of one of the brides. He asked the owner of the restaurant where he's currently employed to give a gift card to the couple. Apparently the complaining brides are hypocritical cheapskates:

'In retrospect, this is the exact style of behavior I should have expected from the two of you, when you used the gift card donated to your doe and doe for a personal date night, then had the gall to ask your server for the "friends and family discount".'
 
2013-06-19 09:42:40 PM
...at leat the gift was acknowledged.  I can't remember the last time I got a thank-you note for a gift. YES, they were good gifts, not a food basket.
 
2013-06-19 09:43:07 PM
My wife and I were married 30 days after we met. (We waited that long because that was the soonest her mom could get to town)We weren't expecting any gifts but were so appreciative of what we received./honestly wasn't expecting anything since everyone, except our parents, were thinking there was no way it could last.
 
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