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(Toronto Star)   "I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return"   (thestar.com) divider line 372
    More: Asinine, Sour Patch Kids, Miss Manners, Community Code of Conduct, The Spectator  
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16881 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jun 2013 at 5:15 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-19 06:34:13 PM  
these brides suck as human beings. They have absolutely no redeeming value to the human race.

I would have been happy if someone had given me that basket when I got married. I may have thought it was an odd gift, but I would have been happy with it. I didn't invite people to my wedding and reception to try to recoup the costs of having it. I invited them to come celebrate my union and starting a new part of my life. If I got anything in return at all it was just icing on the proverbial cake.
 
2013-06-19 06:34:15 PM  

costermonger: Who said anything about advance? I thought you were supposed to mentally estimate a tab throughout the evening and then add/subtract a tip based on the amount of cleavage the bride is showing.


When there are two brides do you do it on total boobage or geometric mean?
 
2013-06-19 06:34:55 PM  

sugarhi: FTFA: She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hall.

Holy sh*t! Horrible rudeness aside, people are absolutely insane when it comes to shelling out thousands for the spectacle that weddings have become.

Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.


I had a secretary up in New York.  She was geologist getting her certifications / additional degree so she could teach and was working for us for six months.  She wanted to have a small wedding.  Her mother told her that she (the mother) had $40k saved/budgeted for the wedding and if the daughter said no, she'd never see a dime from her again.  They tried to convince her to spend the money on a down payment for a house, pay off her student loan, car, anything.  She wouldn't budge.

The moral of the story:
i.qkme.me
 
2013-06-19 06:36:08 PM  

Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.

But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.

Actually, asking for anything other than somebody's presence in an invitation is rude. There should be no mention whatsoever of gifts in an invitation. It's an invitation. You're supposed to be inviting people to share your special day. Not hitting them up for stuff. The gift thing is a tradition. Now, technically, guests don't have to give a gift. But most people do. As I've mentioned previously, I've given gift cards. Technically the same as money, I guess. But if somebody were to ask directly for money, I'd probably politely decline their invitation. Problem solved. I don't have to feel like I'm being asked to give money to somebody for changing their marital status and they don't have to feel put out because I didn't "cover my plate." Everybody's happy.


I don't disagree with you, but given that it's a cultural expectation to bring a gift to a wedding, what is the harm in making known that you would appreciate cash instead of a physical present? I give cash every time I go to weddings. I don't feel hit up by it, I'd rather do that then have to track down some stupid wall clock that the bride picked out.


I'd appreciate some cash, too. I think I'll throw a party for my next birthday, and mention on the invitation that I'd like money in lieu of gifts. I mean, I have plenty of stuff already. What I really need is money. I have a job, but I'm sure my friends and relatives would have no problem contributing to my bank account.
 
2013-06-19 06:36:27 PM  

Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.

But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.

Actually, asking for anything other than somebody's presence in an invitation is rude. There should be no mention whatsoever of gifts in an invitation. It's an invitation. You're supposed to be inviting people to share your special day. Not hitting them up for stuff. The gift thing is a tradition. Now, technically, guests don't have to give a gift. But most people do. As I've mentioned previously, I've given gift cards. Technically the same as money, I guess. But if somebody were to ask directly for money, I'd probably politely decline their invitation. Problem solved. I don't have to feel like I'm being asked to give money to somebody for changing their marital status and they don't have to feel put out because I didn't "cover my plate." Everybody's happy.


I don't disagree with you, but given that it's a cultural expectation to bring a gift to a wedding, what is the harm in making known that you would appreciate cash instead of a physical present? I give cash every time I go to weddings. I don't feel hit up by it, I'd rather do that then have to track down some stupid wall clock that the bride picked out.


IMHO, there's no harm in it, provided it's stated clearly and in advance. I told my guests, up front and before the ceremony, that nothing was expected of them but their presence.

The selfish ass of a bride decided, after the fact, to criticize gift-givers, even though she set no expectations prior to the ceremony. That's what makes this egregious to me, that she just assumed that the only reason she should spend money on feeding guests was to ensure at least that much, or more, money in return, either in cash or goods, from her guests - and then, when that expectation wasn't met, decided to spew vitriol at the folks who attended her wedding. Not just rude, but insulting to the folks who thought they were attending a wedding instead of a friggin' swap meet or fundraising dinner.
 
2013-06-19 06:38:50 PM  
FTFA: Kathy Mason and her boyfriend gifted a food basket to Laura (who declined to give her last name) ...

Laura Munny-Wannted?
Laura B'Turt?
Laura Wye-Ning?
 
2013-06-19 06:39:56 PM  

mbillips: jigger: Rye_: When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash.  We weren't expecting that.

Do people not do the money dance? Is that just a "where I'm from" thing?

The what? And apparently.


Do a GIS for "money dance."

http://www.google.com/search?q=money+dance&tbm=isch
 
2013-06-19 06:40:11 PM  

space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?


Until early to mid 20th century, this was the norm, especially in Europe and with new immigrants in the US. The wedding showers were for material gifts, the wedding was paid for by the bride's parents, and the guests would give money to the bride and groom to get the couple started. It was never meant to pay off the wedding.

Those brides were totally rude!
 
2013-06-19 06:41:00 PM  

digitalrain: Congrats on the best man gig!


I am actually rather dreading it.  It's not my first time being a best man, and I don't have much of a problem with public speaking.  He was the best man at my wedding a decade ago.  We've known each other since grade school, but haven't seen terribly much of each other since we went off to college.  We do talk on the phone every couple of months.  I know zero of his friends and have only met his fiancee at christmas last year.  I feel he asked me to be nice, but I am really going to have to dig deep to come up with some toast material.
 
2013-06-19 06:41:57 PM  

orbister: SaladMonkey: Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones)

No they aren't.


If you conform to traditional norms, they are. It's an industry that knows you're emotionally invested and you will happy bend over and be financially violated, much like funerals and Hallmark cards.

My wedding was middle-of-the-road. It was a traditional wedding but only about 40 people and we kept the costs reasonable. I remember being shocked at how much the flowers cost but I didn't say a word. I don't remember what the total bill was but it didn't break the bank. We certainly could have spent less (or more).

At the end of the day, throw the kind of wedding you want and don't be a jerk about it.
 
2013-06-19 06:41:59 PM  

mafiageek1980: When Mr Mafiageek1980 and I got married a couple of years ago, we didn't care if we got gifts or not because we were about to move anyway (from Odessa, to Austin). Needless to say, the gifts we got we are still using today (a flask, vegan cookbook, picture frames, candles, etc). We kept it small and fun for EVERYONE (we got drunk and went bowling after the reception). I don't get the whole "Bridezilla" thing. Hell, aren't weddings supposed to be about a union of two people and celebration?

/btw, I would have LOVED if someone got us that gift basket, thank you very much!


Apparently the gift basket is still available.....

///but you might have to pay 200 bucks for it
 
2013-06-19 06:42:25 PM  
FormlessOne:

The selfish ass of a bride decided, after the fact, to criticize gift-givers, even though she set no expectations prior to the ceremony. That's what makes this egregious to me, that she just assumed that the only reason she should spend money on feeding guests was to ensure at least that much, or more, money in return, either in cash or goods, from her guests - and then, when that expectation wasn't met, decided to spew vitriol at the folks who attended her wedding. Not just rude, but insulting to the folks who thought they were attending a wedding instead of a friggin' swap meet or fundraising dinner....

Worse than that, I think - it sounds like in one of the email exchanges (and yeah, I agree with those saying the gift givers shouldn't have even engaged in that business) the bride was expecting an "envelope" regardless...other people brought gifts AND envelopes.  She clearly didn't want cash or goods, she wanted cash.  Unbelievably rude
 
2013-06-19 06:42:30 PM  

ShangriLlama: jst3p: orbister: ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.

Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?

Duh! Put it on the invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith
and
Mr. and Mrs. Mark Franklin Jones
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Mary Ann Smith
and
Edward Malcolm Jones
Your portion comes to $145.83, double that if plus one.
Gift should be of equal or greater value.

This is why your posts show up in lovely, cheery green


Better yet, instead of sending invitations sell tickets!


Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!
Be at the Northwest Weld County's most incredible event!
Food, Dancing, Drinks (pay bar)

And the bonding for life between
Frank Meltzner
and
Christine Stephens
!
Tickets are only $148.53!!!

___ Hell YES I want to go
  ___ I need 2 tickets to this party!!!
___ Not this time, but thanks!

 
2013-06-19 06:43:02 PM  
If I ever get married, which is unlikely, I expect my guests to show up, have a good time, and not make complete asses of themselves. Nothing more.Why didn't they charge admission to the wedding? Would have saved some trouble.I've never even heard of someone thinking they should profit from a wedding. Have any of you?
WELL, i THOUGHT i WAS INVITED TO CELEBRATE THE UNION OF MY FRIENDS, IF YOU EXPECT ME TO "COVER" THE COST OF YOUR "CELEBRATION" I AM NOT AT ALL SURE I WANT T EVEN KNOW YOU.
 
2013-06-19 06:46:45 PM  

catmandu: space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?

Until early to mid 20th century, this was the norm, especially in Europe and with new immigrants in the US. The wedding showers were for material gifts, the wedding was paid for by the bride's parents, and the guests would give money to the bride and groom to get the couple started. It was never meant to pay off the wedding.

Those brides were totally rude!


Sorta the same with students graduating you contact everyone you know hoping they give money to get ya started but you don't expect it to pay off student loans. Bridezilla was rude.
 
2013-06-19 06:47:55 PM  
oldfurr +1

If you're expecting me to show up to your shindig with any more than my wildly inappropriate wit, you've set the bar too high.
 
2013-06-19 06:49:44 PM  

mafiageek1980: When Mr Mafiageek1980 and I got married a couple of years ago, we didn't care if we got gifts or not because we were about to move anyway (from Odessa, to Austin). Needless to say, the gifts we got we are still using today (a flask, vegan cookbook, picture frames, candles, etc). We kept it small and fun for EVERYONE (we got drunk and went bowling after the reception). I don't get the whole "Bridezilla" thing. Hell, aren't weddings supposed to be about a union of two people and celebration?

/btw, I would have LOVED if someone got us that gift basket, thank you very much!


Drunk bowling?  Sounds a hell of a lot more fun than most wedding receptions I've been to.
 
2013-06-19 06:50:53 PM  
Well, of COURSE things like this are going to happen when there are two brides! Double the bridezilla apparently lowers gifting tact into the negative figures.

Also, any coonts who have a wedding that large deserve oodles of debt. Particularly after this gem:

"I don't know what day or century they're living in ... it must have been a regifted gift," Laura says. "I just spent $200 for you and your guest to come and you guys must have given me $40 back."

Fark you, biatch!
 
2013-06-19 06:52:20 PM  
Wedding registeries were, where I come from, traditionally a local jeweler/fine gifts shop where the bride to be registered her china and silver patterns for the convenience of guests  WHO CHOSE TO USE IT. You didn't go to freaking Target and register for sheets and towels and egg poachers! You took what you received, were grateful not matter how tacky and wrote a goddamned thank you note. The whole lack of manners is out of control. It's out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

/Meh
 
2013-06-19 06:54:03 PM  

Jument: orbister: SaladMonkey: Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones)

No they aren't.

If you conform to traditional norms, they are.


It depends what you mean by "traditional". One sort of traditional is "Go to church, get married, have a party in the church hall or at the bigger parental home, get on with life." Maybe with a bridesmaid and a best man.

A huge industry has grown up to convince people that traditional actually means "wildly expensive dresses, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flowers, trumpeter, two choirs, more flowers, overpriced meal for two hundred, personal appearances by the late Michael Jackson and the Pope" and so on. It's not traditional at all - it's whatever stupid, extravagant, tacky ideas wedding planners can pull out of their arses and sell - literally and metaphorically - to gullible people with little experience of formal functions, inferiority complexes and a desperate need to feel that they are doing it right.

The result, as someone said upthread, is people who worry far too much about one day and not nearly enough about the following lifetime, and damn nearly bankrupt themselves in the process.

And ... relax ...
 
2013-06-19 06:54:03 PM  

mrswood: Horrible people. wedding receptions are about celebrating your newly shackled-ness with your favorite friends and family. presents and cash are a perk of course. my reception took an interesting turn when i was introduced to an alleged catholic tradition of stuffing money in my dress and pinning money to my dress.
[img.fark.net image 551x720]


WHOA!! She's getting quite a bit of mileage outta dat dollah!
 
2013-06-19 06:54:41 PM  
That gift was original, and awesome.  Nobody is ever going to remember who got them the champagne flutes or $100.  But the basket full of candy and marshmallow goo will stick in your memory forever.  Top score.
 
2013-06-19 06:56:46 PM  
These two brides sound like awful people.
 
2013-06-19 06:56:46 PM  
Cost 34K ? Cheap wedding and besides I always thought the bride's parents picked up the tab ?
 
2013-06-19 06:57:43 PM  

maxx2112: My response:

Just a note to let you know some coont is using your email to send out rude messages.


I'd tell the Browns someone is using their bit.
 
2013-06-19 06:58:21 PM  
What a coont.
They shouldn't have given her anything.
 
2013-06-19 06:58:36 PM  
Turning down whip cream as a gift? These lesbians have no imagination.

No imagination needed here (NSFW, but not pr0n either)
 
2013-06-19 07:00:36 PM  
"I just spent $200 for you and your guest to come and you guys must have given me $40 back."

My response: Either you should have spent less or you shouldn't have invited me.
 
2013-06-19 07:04:33 PM  

Pincy: "I just spent $200 for you and your guest to come and you guys must have given me $40 back."

My response: Either you should have spent less or you shouldn't have invited me.


That or "you're welcome, I'm usually paid more than that for a day's work".
 
2013-06-19 07:05:05 PM  
taking notes: weddings = fund raiser


ok then...
 
2013-06-19 07:11:14 PM  
What a couple of shiatty people. We didn't anticipate any money at all. In fact we refused to do a "dollar dance" or whatever the fark they're called. It was about the party and the fun for us. Granted we didn't have 300+ people on our guest list, but we still spent $75/plate and the food was fantastic, sprung for servers because we don't care for buffets, and had plenty of booze. We got married at thirty and nearly all of our friends are professionals, so yah, we did get a lot of cash-filled envelopes. But in my mind I never conceived we'd get that much. We only got one actual gift- a really nice globe that sits on display after 13 years and it makes me think of my friends often (one passed away six years ago).
/other things banned included Bob Seger and the stupid garter ritual (although she did throw the flowers thing)
 
2013-06-19 07:12:35 PM  

Aidan: thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.

I'm surprised. I've never even thought of it this way. I'm always glad to be invited, but... Er. I thought I was invited for being me. If the people couldn't afford my presence, I wouldn't have been offended to not be invited. I certainly don't expect to pay my way (unless my dietary requirements are annoyingly picky), or do some kind of tit-for-tat thing.

However, I don't have a lot of experience with weddings, so this could be a very minority view.


I am with you on this. If you invite someone to an event, unless you explicitly ask them to pay for their food, you shouldn't expect them to pay. You think your cousin Erma really *wants* to spend Saturday night corralling her 3 kids at your wedding and paying $100/plate just to watch them refuse to eat anything but cake?

If you don't have enough money to have fancy food at a wedding, don't have it. I get for some people the ceremony is really important, but spending loads of money on it isn't going to make it more or less special or memorable.
 
2013-06-19 07:14:04 PM  
Somewhere in a sea of avarice, vanity, butthurt and storm clouds of "not good enough!", people manage to marry.  Why, I don't know.
 
2013-06-19 07:15:31 PM  
Just wondering... what's the proper term for a gluten intolerant lesbian?

Lesbiac?

Celian?

Celyke?
 
2013-06-19 07:17:11 PM  

TheDumbBlonde: Wedding registeries were, where I come from, traditionally a local jeweler/fine gifts shop where the bride to be registered her china and silver patterns for the convenience of guests  WHO CHOSE TO USE IT. You didn't go to freaking Target and register for sheets and towels and egg poachers! You took what you received, were grateful not matter how tacky and wrote a goddamned thank you note. The whole lack of manners is out of control. It's out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

/Meh


Not only that but in the days of the hope chest the girl would register before she was engaged and family would buy a set of the china or silver for things like birthdays or graduation. The sheets, towels, and egg poachers were the shower gifts.
 
2013-06-19 07:19:27 PM  

Pray 4 Mojo: Just wondering... what's the proper term for a gluten intolerant lesbian?

Lesbiac?

Celian?

Celyke?


Apparently, the proper term is biatchy pain in the ass
 
2013-06-19 07:19:34 PM  

sugarhi: FTFA: She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hall.

Holy sh*t! Horrible rudeness aside, people are absolutely insane when it comes to shelling out thousands for the spectacle that weddings have become.

Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.


Do it. The Mrs. and I went to the courthouse, got married (parents in attendance), then went back to the house for a big party...took off to our honeymoon after about 4 hours or so. I hear the party went on late into the night.

Everyone loved that they didn't have to dress up and sit around in the heat for hours, and it cost us around $2K for the party. That's a win-win.
 
2013-06-19 07:24:13 PM  
For all the ladies who think that if you throw a gazillion dollars at your vanity fandango, you will be a perfect princess 4EVAH, um, it's the starting line, not the finish line.
 
kth
2013-06-19 07:28:38 PM  

swfan: SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate.   Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one.  Moreover, in many cultures, it's an insult NOT to invite people.  So, if you're invited, either don't RSVP, or cover your plate.

Seriously? When did this "cover your plate" crap start? I'm giving the same gift whether the reception is at a five star hotel or the local pizza joint.  Hell, I'd probably give a little more to the couple having the reception at the pizza joint, feeling they could really use the money vs the fools blowing $30k.


This.

I got married almost two years ago, and I've never heard anyone talk like you have to cover your plate as a guest. I clearly was on the wrong crazylady sites. I was horrified when people spent more than about $50 on us, because we're old and have lots of stuff already and we made the 39 guests go to estes park.  Not that I gave back any presents because YAY presents!

The only thing that we openly mocked (and up till now, only among my very close friends) was my friend's parents. The father came up to my husband and handed him two dollar coins (not even silver dollars, just two dollar coins). The mother then wandered up to where I was talking to a high school friend and congratulated us on getting married.  Keep in mind, I was wearing a big blue dress that was very clearly the wedding dress, and my friend was in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.  My husband was wandering around in a kilt that matched my sash. She was oh, so very stoned.
 
2013-06-19 07:29:13 PM  
Dear Bride,

I'm not sure if this is the first dinner-party fundraiser you've held, but next time, you shouldn't confuse people by calling it a wedding.
 
2013-06-19 07:30:58 PM  

OregonVet: What a couple of shiatty people. We didn't anticipate any money at all. In fact we refused to do a "dollar dance" or whatever the fark they're called. It was about the party and the fun for us. Granted we didn't have 300+ people on our guest list, but we still spent $75/plate and the food was fantastic, sprung for servers because we don't care for buffets, and had plenty of booze. We got married at thirty and nearly all of our friends are professionals, so yah, we did get a lot of cash-filled envelopes. But in my mind I never conceived we'd get that much. We only got one actual gift- a really nice globe that sits on display after 13 years and it makes me think of my friends often (one passed away six years ago).
/other things banned included Bob Seger and the stupid garter ritual (although she did throw the flowers thing)


Sounds like what I did.   Spent a little less than that per plate, but it was a beautiful venue that was BYOB and food (I brought the alcohol, my friend catered).  I spent more than others here, but I kept all the glassware, tablecloths, and flatware (only rented the plates and an extra dance floor).   I don't think we quite made back what we spent, but it was worth every penny.  People who spent double what we spent are still amazed what a lot of good planning will do.  It was so "us" and yet didn't skimp.  That's important here.

Back to the topic - the gift was awful.  I got an awful gift too, from a family who even slept at my parents' house to save money.  It was chintzy.  I didn't say anything, but my parents heard all about it.  So I blame both sides.  The bride went way over the top, but she was sort of right - it was a horrible, not well-thought out gift.  A $30 gift card would've been better.

...it did help that I know my wines, spirits, and the bartenders poured very heavily.

...anyone in the NJ area need beautiful stemware, cocktail, or margarita glasses? (100's)
 
2013-06-19 07:31:06 PM  

China White Tea: Dear Bride,

I'm not sure if this is the first dinner-party fundraiser you've held, but next time, you shouldn't confuse people by calling it a wedding.


Outstanding.
 
2013-06-19 07:34:01 PM  

Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"


This.
 
2013-06-19 07:44:09 PM  

Russ1642: I've never even heard of someone thinking they should profit from a wedding. Have any of you?


Sadly, yes. And they divorced less than a year later.
 
2013-06-19 07:47:03 PM  

sugarhi: Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.


We got married (i.e. signed the paperwork) at a dinner with our witnesses, then announced a party for family and friends ~6 weeks later. We took everyone out to supper, went to a hockey game, and then drank with our friends in a hotel room after the old folks went to bed. It wasn't expensive, there was no pressure to invite people who you didn't really want to be there, no boring ceremony, no all-day commitment from guests, no pre-selected meals, no traveling between venues (other than walking from the restaurant to the hockey game) no fancy clothes, and no schedules or rehearsals. No one brought gifts (who brings gifts to a hockey game?), and everyone had a good time, even if they didn't get to live out their dream wedding experience at my expense.

Even if you want one more of those things we intentionally skipped you should build your plan wedding the specific parts you want and forget all the rest. It's dumb to throw a party you don't enjoy (just ask Gatsby).
 
2013-06-19 07:47:15 PM  

think_balance: Russ1642: I've never even heard of someone thinking they should profit from a wedding. Have any of you?

Sadly, yes. And they divorced less than a year later.


And I'm sure this couples divorce will be epic.
 
2013-06-19 07:47:32 PM  
The people who had the bigger breach of etiquette is definitely the brides. You are supposed to deal with these types of things graciously. If you really want to get your point across you use a go between, someone known to both parties, who can mention to basket givers that the gift was not appropriate to the occasion.

The people who gave that gift though... I mean a janky basket with some candy in it? That is not an appropriate wedding gift. I am sure they meant well but really, terrible idea. If money is tight just write a nice card explaining that money is tight and giving what you can, even a gift certificate for $50, more than this gift probably cost, would have been better.
 
2013-06-19 07:47:55 PM  

jst3p: Better yet, instead of sending invitations sell tickets!


Came here to say this.  If you expect your guests to "cover their plates", just be upfront about it and send instructions with the RSVP on how to "confirm their seats" via PayPal.  Hell, even have tiers like a Kickstarter project - have a VIP table with bottle service for covering the plate times three, and for the top four highest givers, allow them to sit at the same table alongside the bride and groom along with custom wedding gifts.

As for a cultural mismatch, that's absolutely okay so along as it doesn't escalate to an Internet pissing match.  I give the advantage to the bride(s) since they're not the ones who brought this to the attention of the masses, even though their response to the gift was snippy and trashy.
 
2013-06-19 07:47:57 PM  

megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"

This.


Well you know ; )
 
2013-06-19 07:53:00 PM  

aacharya: Spent a little less than that per plate,


In all fairness, our contract had the booze built into the meal price. Your connections saved you some dough, what we did was have our wedding in February. In Ohio that cuts the cost quite a bit. And in regards to your on topic comments, I agree I would have been like WTF? if I got a cocoa sampler or something that just didn't have any thought put into it. But it would remain a little joke and minor mockery between my wife and I. But we also invited zero people with whom we aren't actually friends or family.

/on an aside, don't know if you know Ohio well, but nobody likes to get dressed up and go out in February and amazingly it was 72 and sunny on our day- still a record high in Toledo
 
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