If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Toronto Star)   "I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return"   (thestar.com) divider line 372
    More: Asinine, Sour Patch Kids, Miss Manners, Community Code of Conduct, The Spectator  
•       •       •

16879 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jun 2013 at 5:15 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



372 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-06-19 06:04:40 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.


But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.
 
2013-06-19 06:05:33 PM  

mbillips: This is a cultural mismatch. Poor people in Italy and Eastern Europe threw enormous weddings, and the whole village chipped in to pay for it. The English-German culture that preceded them to America expected the bride's father to cover the whole thing. If they were poor, they had a very modest wedding.

But bridezilla there could have done a little research before she let her friends have it. Coming from English Protestant roots, I've never given a wedding gift worth more than $50, and I've given cash only when I couldn't think of something more thoughtful. My wife and I paid for our wedding, with an open bar, a DJ and heavy hors d'ouevres, and the whole thing ran us about five grand. I don't recall getting any cash gifts. Hell, I can only really recall one gift we got, a carving board that I use all the time.


Having posted what I did above about giving cash I am going to a wedding this weekend and I actually gave cash. They have some website where they can put up different things they are in need of funding (they are getting married in Seattle and camping their way to NC as a honeymoon. They needed parks passes, camping gear and gas money.) Since I had the option to pick a gift or donate to fill a specific need I gave $100 for gas money, because it was the one no one was giving to (the site shows how many of how many requested have been filled). It was pretty cool and had more thought put into it than "please just give us money", in my opinion.
 
2013-06-19 06:05:50 PM  

Magnanimous_J: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.


I agree with you. My girlfriend and I already lived alone before we moved in together and now have 2 blenders, 2 knife sets, etc. The last thing in the world we need is stuff for the house. I ran the idea by her to just ask for money and she looked at me with horror, like I'd suggested charging for admission. She actually said we should register for gifts we don't need and then return them. What the hell is the point of that? Why make someone drive across town for a present we don't want when they would probably be happier writing a check?


I understand the idea behind it. Me and my better half have been living together for almost five years. We have everything we need. We went through the registry and I couldn't come up with nearly enough things that we needed at whatever Crate and Beyond type store she had registered at. It's barren.

I think so many wedding ideas end up looking like a money grab. Her friends are going to give her a shower, and then a bachelorette party and then they're expected to give gifts? It just feels sleazy. We both agreed we'd rather be dead than have a Jack and Jill (friends kept asking about one) because it's literally begging for money. On the other hand, I did like the idea the planner came up with: two jars at the cocktail reception with our names on it. whichever jar gets more money, that person wears the cake, the money to be donated to a charity of some sort.
 
2013-06-19 06:05:59 PM  
Next time you get married print the minimum expected gift amount on the invitation. Or you could sell invitations to family and friends. You could even charge a bit more at the door the day of the wedding.
 
2013-06-19 06:06:07 PM  

kim jong-un: Any wedding where I would be expected to consider the cost of your own celebration is a wedding for a vapid attention whore who sees me as little more than a sales call.

fark that, I don't befriend people like that.


True dat./THIS^^^
 
2013-06-19 06:07:17 PM  
Couples like this are the reason that I dread wedding invitations.

If someone had the gall to tell me to "cover my plate," they better be providing receipts, from which I will deduct my travel expenses. Luckily, I appear to have chosen my friends wisely and have received no complaints (so at least they kept their whining to themselves).
 
2013-06-19 06:07:53 PM  

SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate.


That's nonsensical. How the f*ck do you know, ahead of time or afterward, how much your plate costs? And is that the cost of the food only, or does it include the cost of the whole party divided by how many guests there are?

I can't imagine the kind of brain someone has if they sit there opening wedding gifts and thinking, "OK, this costs $75 at Costco, but maybe they bought it at one of those boutique stores for $110. Or online for $60, but then we have to figure in the cost of shipping ... Gosh, I just don't know whether I should be offended by this one!"
 
2013-06-19 06:08:12 PM  
i wonder who was responsible for tipping the bartender and whether or not they will both be artificially inseminated by gay men with any resulting boys being circumised.
 
2013-06-19 06:08:20 PM  

sugarhi: FTFA: She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hall.

Holy sh*t! Horrible rudeness aside, people are absolutely insane when it comes to shelling out thousands for the spectacle that weddings have become.

Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.


It's just as cheap to hold a ceremony at the site of the reception. 

Mimic_Octopus: swfan: NotoriousW.O.P: Laura disagrees. She chalks it up to cultural differences. She's Italian...

Don't pin this shiat on my people...

Seriously, my take away from the whole thing is, "I had better not go to an Italian wedding, because I clearly have no idea what's expected!"  Glad to know my clumsy stereotyping was way out of line.

The gift was kind of cheesy, but somebody better be a relative or very close friend of mine for me to give $150+ at their wedding.  My scale (in Denver, CO) would be: $50 to an acquaintance, $100 to a coworker / friend, $200 to family / close friend.

rest assured, there are no lesbian Italian weddings. these biatches would be excommunicated and socially ostracized.   Believe it or not, most if the world is not a farking gaylord paradise.


jigger: Rye_: When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash.  We weren't expecting that.

Do people not do the money dance? Is that just a "where I'm from" thing?


The what? And apparently.
 
2013-06-19 06:08:41 PM  

Patronick313: Getting married in October and I have little to do with planning anything (except input on the food, cake, and honeymoon destination - you know, the important shiat).

A lot of supposed "wedding etiquette" has taken me by surprise, but I'll confirm that everything I hear from family, friends and wedding planners leads me to believe that "covering the plate" is generally the norm in America. Not that I care or have even thought about it till I read this whining biatch bag's story, but it seems everyone (except me?) seemed to know this information going in. Whatevs.

My questions would be 1) how in the name of baby jesus did you get to $200 a person? Were they having gold crusted steak stuffed with Fabrege eggs? We have a four hour open bar and choice of prime rib or some chicken dish the future Mrs. Patronick313 loved at the tasting and it's not even close to 100 a person. That just seems insane. And 2) In what universe does scolding a wedding guest not just make you feel like a completely ungrateful super coont?  If I were her family I'd be humiliated. The lack of class this couple showed was just weapons grade. You write a thank you, tell them you loved it and should be grateful they choose to spend their time and money on your special day.


Covering the plate is not the norm. A gift is customary but 'covering the plate' is not why you give it, or how you determine how much to spend on it.
 
2013-06-19 06:11:04 PM  
This is why I refuse to go to weddings any more, they have gone from a celebration to a money grab.
 
2013-06-19 06:12:00 PM  

space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously?  Who thinks this?


And who, thinking this, blows $34,000 on a party to raise the money? That's as bad as those "Help me raise £2,000 for a holiday to Macchu Picchu and I'll give a hundred quid to cancer research" scams.
 
2013-06-19 06:12:09 PM  

The sound of one hand clapping: TheDumbBlonde: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.

It's outrageously rude to mention anything about gifts or registries period. It's begging and it's tasteless.

Ah, fair enough.  Seems the general consensus is that it is rude then.  I guess that wouldn't have been a good idea for them either.

I've actually had a couple of wedding invitations that had this on the card.  Didn't seem rude to me at the time but being a single guy it's not like weddings are something that interest me much.


My wife and I didn't mention the registry, but I actually like it being there because I hate doing the "where are they registered grapevine game"

One non tacky way to advertise the registry is to setup a wedding info website and put the registry info there. Then you can send the website address in the invitation. Just keep the registry info off the landing page and tastefully positioned (like a additional info tab).
 
2013-06-19 06:12:50 PM  

ReapTheChaos: This is why I refuse to go to weddings any more, they have gone from a celebration to a money grab.


Ditto.

I told my wife many years ago that I am not doing weddings any more.  I haven't been to one that I have enjoyed (nor does it appear that anybody else enjoys them either).  They all seem like an incredible waste of money to me.  I'm not contributing to that.
 
2013-06-19 06:12:56 PM  
When my wife and me got married, neither of us had a lot of money, and just a couple thousand for the wedding chapel, photographer and the minister and a 3 day honeymoon was a substantial outlay.

For a reception we had a private room at a good upscale steakhouse, but we let all the guests know we would NOT be paying for the meals, but in exchange, we weren't asking for any presents.  We still got a few wedding presents from people who insisted (a couple of close friends, and my parents), but everybody seemed cool with the idea that if we weren't paying for a catered reception, we wouldn't ask for presents.

That said, the brides were biatches.  You take the present you get and be gracious.  Some people can't afford to lay out for a big present.  Don't go into it expecting to break even.
 
2013-06-19 06:13:31 PM  

swfan: NotoriousW.O.P: Laura disagrees. She chalks it up to cultural differences. She's Italian...

Don't pin this shiat on my people...

Seriously, my take away from the whole thing is, "I had better not go to an Italian wedding, because I clearly have no idea what's expected!"  Glad to know my clumsy stereotyping was way out of line.

The gift was kind of cheesy, but somebody better be a relative or very close friend of mine for me to give $150+ at their wedding.  My scale (in Denver, CO) would be: $50 to an acquaintance, $100 to a coworker / friend, $200 to family / close friend.


What a dumb coont. First: The bride's parents pay for a traditional Italian wedding. So either they don't like you being the ghey or they don't have the money, but you have already failed the, "I'm Italian and that's the way it always is" test.

Second: It is "traditional" at Italian weddings for older (financially established) family members or close friends of family to give the couple money to "get started". It should not be expected (nor requested) of casual acquaintances or peers of the couples age. That's what the Dollar Dance is for.
 
2013-06-19 06:14:04 PM  
Talk about a crass, greedy boor!

I would have replied as follows:

"We could have gotten a much better meal than this for $200. Obviously you were cheated by the caterer. And since you only wanted our presents rather than our presence, you should have just given yourself the money and saved us the time."

When I got married, we had 14 people, including the wedding party. We only invited the people we really, truly wanted to share our wedding ceremony with -- immediate family and a few very close friends. We were sharing our marriage with the people we loved, not putting on a performance for an audience, one for which that audience was expected to pay though the nose. We have wonderful memories, as do our friends, and we've never in 20 years had the slightest regret for not starting off our marriage with an exercise in selfishness and greed.
 
2013-06-19 06:14:10 PM  

TheDumbBlonde: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.

It's outrageously rude to mention anything about gifts or registries period. It's begging and it's tasteless.


We didn't and were told off for being thoughtless and high-maintenance. Weddings are the "Can't Win" zone of modern social intercourse.
 
2013-06-19 06:14:30 PM  

MemeSlave: MadAzza: What a farking coont.

My now-ex and I got married on the beach in Kailua, near our house. We were delighted to have a few friends and our families there, most of whom had to fly from the mainland.

Nobody cares that you live in Hawaii.


Apparently, you do.
 
2013-06-19 06:14:52 PM  
A basket full of packaged sweets is kind of a tacky gift, but it is indeed a gift.  Saying anything but "thank  you, we're going to enjoy it" makes you a rotten spoiled coont.

/some people who came to my wedding never gave us anything.
//it's all good, they were invited because we like their company, not their cash.
 
2013-06-19 06:15:42 PM  

kim jong-un: The sound of one hand clapping: TheDumbBlonde: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.  I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score.  It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.

It's outrageously rude to mention anything about gifts or registries period. It's begging and it's tasteless.

Ah, fair enough.  Seems the general consensus is that it is rude then.  I guess that wouldn't have been a good idea for them either.

I've actually had a couple of wedding invitations that had this on the card.  Didn't seem rude to me at the time but being a single guy it's not like weddings are something that interest me much.

My wife and I didn't mention the registry, but I actually like it being there because I hate doing the "where are they registered grapevine game"

One non tacky way to advertise the registry is to setup a wedding info website and put the registry info there. Then you can send the website address in the invitation. Just keep the registry info off the landing page and tastefully positioned (like a additional info tab).


Makes sense.

A registry should be so if people want to get you a gift they can be assured it's a gift they know you'll use and you don't get a third coffee maker. If you do it online you can set it up so people can indicate what they are planning to buy so it gets crossed off the list. A polite host should expect nothing however. That's what makes them gifts.
 
2013-06-19 06:15:45 PM  

Fano: So this is why the homogays have been pushing for marriage? Because they wanted to make it a money making venture? CHRIST, wasn't it enough to have a monopoly on wedding planning, decorating, and styling the brides? They want the money on both ends.

Jeez, this is like my dad selling condoms with holes poked in them to sailors, and my mom performed abortions.My, how the money rolled in.


I'd 'cover the plate' if I got to see these dykes scissor themselves while thrusting wedding cake into their hairpie holes.  Or maybe if they had a snailtrail race across the dance floor.  Are they hot?  Heck is just one of them hot?
 
2013-06-19 06:15:46 PM  
I got married last weekend, and while we were grateful for the monetary gifts we didn't feel like they were required in any way.
We were just glad everyone came.
 
2013-06-19 06:16:50 PM  

number_man: "fark you...I hope you choke a little on the food...and guess which is tainted with gluten...I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."


Is it the biscuits?

I bet it's the biscuits.
 
2013-06-19 06:17:08 PM  

Magnanimous_J: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon.  They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.


I agree with you. My girlfriend and I already lived alone before we moved in together and now have 2 blenders, 2 knife sets, etc. The last thing in the world we need is stuff for the house. I ran the idea by her to just ask for money and she looked at me with horror, like I'd suggested charging for admission. She actually said we should register for gifts we don't need and then return them. What the hell is the point of that? Why make someone drive across town for a present we don't want when they would probably be happier writing a check?


A gift card is the closest I've ever come to giving someone money for getting married. Gave my cousin and his wife a Home Depot gift card (they were renovating a house, which they no longer live in). I'm fine with that.

And apparently, they're now on the verge of divorcing. So I'm glad I didn't shell out $200 in cash for a marriage that lasted less than 10 years. If I had, I might be tempted to ask them for a refund. Not really, but that is the obvious conclusion to this line of thinking.

If betrothed couples are entitled to ask for money from their "friends" and family, it's only fair for those friends and family to request a refund when the marriage goes tits up. With interest, because, hey, gotta be practical about these things.
 
2013-06-19 06:17:29 PM  

MadAzza: MemeSlave: MadAzza: What a farking coont.

My now-ex and I got married on the beach in Kailua, near our house. We were delighted to have a few friends and our families there, most of whom had to fly from the mainland.

Nobody cares that you live in Hawaii.

Apparently, you do.


I actually do.  Wish I could swing that.
 
2013-06-19 06:18:30 PM  

Lunchlady: djmed: wedding are a huge waste of time and money.

and that is definitely womens' fault

I'm putting a hard cap of $5,000 on my wedding. My current girlfriend is slowly coming around to how much of a racket the wedding industry is and if you just take 5 minutes to do any of the stuff you "have to do" on your own you can spend less than half what people usually spend.

/She gave me shiat at first saying "But it's my special day and I've been looking forward to it forever." I said "Well it's my special day too and I'm not spending the money we could spend on a brand new car for a 5 hour party."
//Seriously, I've organized events for 250+ people for a nonprofit with a yearlong budget of $50,000, large events are not as expensive as wedding magazines and moron girlfriends make you think.


Our wedding was in December. Everything was already decorated for Xmas. Ceremony was in Heinz Chapel, stunning, and only $750. That included the organist.

Most expensive part was a bus we hired to save people the pain of parking/driving through Pittsburgh. Borrowed a Cadillac from one of the grandparents rather than hire a limo for a 30 minute ride.

Saved enough cash to take the entire month off work for a real honeymoon.
 
kab
2013-06-19 06:19:09 PM  
Whining bride, and a shiatty gift.

Both sides are bad.

Next!
 
2013-06-19 06:19:13 PM  
So, I actually had to look up what the hell a "Dollar Dance" is.  Seems tacky as hell according to my culture.  'Course the chicken dance and garter toss are tacky as hell in my culture.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_Xzx8wg6Q0
 
2013-06-19 06:19:14 PM  

ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.


Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?
 
2013-06-19 06:19:48 PM  

gadian: People who attend your wedding are your guests.  Guests should be expected to pay nothing for your invitation to spend their time celebrating your happy occasion.


QFT.
 
2013-06-19 06:20:20 PM  

SaladMonkey: Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones)


No they aren't.
 
2013-06-19 06:21:59 PM  

orbister: ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.

Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?


Who said anything about advance? I thought you were supposed to mentally estimate a tab throughout the evening and then add/subtract a tip based on the amount of cleavage the bride is showing.
 
2013-06-19 06:22:43 PM  
Wow, what a rude, crude, crass lesbian bxxxx.  If it was money she was after she should have charged admission.
 
2013-06-19 06:22:45 PM  

Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.

But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.


Actually, asking for anything other than somebody's presence in an invitation is rude. There should be no mention whatsoever of gifts in an invitation. It's an invitation. You're supposed to be inviting people to share your special day. Not hitting them up for stuff. The gift thing is a tradition. Now, technically, guests don't have to give a gift. But most people do. As I've mentioned previously, I've given gift cards. Technically the same as money, I guess. But if somebody were to ask directly for money, I'd probably politely decline their invitation. Problem solved. I don't have to feel like I'm being asked to give money to somebody for changing their marital status and they don't have to feel put out because I didn't "cover my plate." Everybody's happy.
 
2013-06-19 06:24:11 PM  

orbister: ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.

Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?


Duh! Put it on the invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith
and
Mr. and Mrs. Mark Franklin Jones
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Mary Ann Smith
and
Edward Malcolm Jones

Your portion comes to $145.83, double that if plus one.
Gift should be of equal or greater value.
 
2013-06-19 06:26:11 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.

But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.

Actually, asking for anything other than somebody's presence in an invitation is rude. There should be no mention whatsoever of gifts in an invitation. It's an invitation. You're supposed to be inviting people to share your special day. Not hitting them up for stuff. The gift thing is a tradition. Now, technically, guests don't have to give a gift. But most people do. As I've mentioned previously, I've given gift cards. Technically the same as money, I guess. But if somebody were to ask directly for money, I'd probably politely decline their invitation. Problem solved. I don't have to feel like I'm being asked to give money to somebody for changing their marital status and they don't have to feel put out because I didn't "cover my plate." Everybody's happy.


My aunt asked for a donation to a shelter in lieu of gifts. It was with the invitation but that's OK I think.
 
2013-06-19 06:27:42 PM  
I suck at shopping, so I usually give gift cards to Willams Sonoma. If you can't find something you need or want there, you have no business existing in polite society, anyway.
 
2013-06-19 06:27:49 PM  
If you want me to cover the cost of the dinner then tell me in the invitation so I can tell you to get lost, I am supposed to be a guest not a profit center
 
2013-06-19 06:28:32 PM  

gadian: So, I actually had to look up what the hell a "Dollar Dance" is.  Seems tacky as hell according to my culture.  'Course the chicken dance and garter toss are tacky as hell in my culture.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_Xzx8wg6Q0


I had to look it up too. It's as bad as peddling on the street. I'd leave a wedding if they pulled that shiat.
 
2013-06-19 06:28:56 PM  
digitalrain:
CSB time...

When Mr. Digitalrain and I were getting married, a few days before the wedding we went to
the mall so my dad, fiance, and son could get final fittings. While we were there, this really
cute blonde and her boyfriend were there (it was prom season and he was getting his tux).

My son, who was 5 at the time and in his tux, goes up to the little blonde and starts chatting
her up. When we got ready to go, my son looks at my and my fiance and says, "Can we
take her home with us?"

Everybody laughed and even the blonde's boyfriend ruffled my son's hair and told him that
he was "gonna go far".

/ end CSB

I hate when five year olds have more game than me. :(
 
2013-06-19 06:29:04 PM  

orbister: ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.

Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?


Duh, the happy couple send you a bill a week or so before the wedding.
 
2013-06-19 06:29:08 PM  

Rye_: MadAzza: MemeSlave: MadAzza: What a farking coont.

My now-ex and I got married on the beach in Kailua, near our house. We were delighted to have a few friends and our families there, most of whom had to fly from the mainland.

Nobody cares that you live in Hawaii.

Apparently, you do.

I actually do.  Wish I could swing that.


It has its ups and downs, but I love it. I often extend invitations to people I barely know to come visit, with the reasoning that if they have a place to stay, they can afford to visit. It's a beautiful place to visit. I'll buy the first round if you make it back.

I probably could have made my earlier point without mentioning Kailua, now that I think about it. I sometimes do mention where I live in Fark threads because I'm wondering if something I experience (or don't experience) is a Hawaii thing, or just a Catholic (or Italian or Filipino) thing, as with the wedding "cash dance" tradition, or what ... just how everyone compares their own experiences to others' based on location, local culture, or what have you.

The "money grab" dance was something I'd never seen before I moved here 20 years ago. I grew up with Catholic friends, so I figured it was a Hawaii thing, or perhaps a more general Pacific Island tradition.

Things are often different here, so I mention it. But I try not to be obnoxious about it. :-)
 
2013-06-19 06:30:03 PM  
I know this is fake because two girls can't get married. Duh.
 
2013-06-19 06:30:45 PM  
What the fark? There is nothing wrong with that gift basket. Plus the schmaltzy note goes well with the basket. Plus they were just casual acquaintances. Hell I gave a wedding couple a shower curtain rod once.

Sounds like a couple of uppity rich-biatch lesbians who inherited money and haven't worked a goddamn day in their lives.
 
2013-06-19 06:32:36 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.

But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.

Actually, asking for anything other than somebody's presence in an invitation is rude. There should be no mention whatsoever of gifts in an invitation. It's an invitation. You're supposed to be inviting people to share your special day. Not hitting them up for stuff. The gift thing is a tradition. Now, technically, guests don't have to give a gift. But most people do. As I've mentioned previously, I've given gift cards. Technically the same as money, I guess. But if somebody were to ask directly for money, I'd probably politely decline their invitation. Problem solved. I don't have to feel like I'm being asked to give money to somebody for changing their marital status and they don't have to feel put out because I didn't "cover my plate." Everybody's happy.



I don't disagree with you, but given that it's a cultural expectation to bring a gift to a wedding, what is the harm in making known that you would appreciate cash instead of a physical present? I give cash every time I go to weddings. I don't feel hit up by it, I'd rather do that then have to track down some stupid wall clock that the bride picked out.
 
2013-06-19 06:32:43 PM  
The bride's a selfish ass, plain and simple. I told my wedding guests that I didn't expect gifts - they were guests, there to attend our wedding. Some folks brought small gifts. Some folks didn't bring gifts. The "gift" was that they were there, in person, to see us get married, and I was quite grateful for the turnout and shared experience.

The only "social etiquette" violated by the gift-givers was not knowing that the bride was a selfish ass that saw her wedding as a damned transaction, and that she expected to be recouped, one way or another, for her costs. Fark her.
 
2013-06-19 06:32:45 PM  

kim jong-un: Smelly Pirate Hooker: Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.

But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.

Actually, asking for anything other than somebody's presence in an invitation is rude. There should be no mention whatsoever of gifts in an invitation. It's an invitation. You're supposed to be inviting people to share your special day. Not hitting them up for stuff. The gift thing is a tradition. Now, technically, guests don't have to give a gift. But most people do. As I've mentioned previously, I've given gift cards. Technically the same as money, I guess. But if somebody were to ask directly for money, I'd probably politely decline their invitation. Problem solved. I don't have to feel like I'm being asked to give money to somebody for changing their marital status and they don't have to feel put out because I didn't "cover my plate." Everybody's happy.

My aunt asked for a donation to a shelter in lieu of gifts. It was with the invitation but that's OK I think.


Technically, not proper etiquette, but ... whatever. I guess it's slightly better when you're soliciting money for people who actually need it, rather than someone throwing an elaborate bash to honor themselves.

Basically, you're not supposed to charge people to attend social events. Unless you label it as a charity event, ie, Race for the Cure or something like that. You're not supposed to make people feel obligated to pay to attend your special day. Unless you just don't like your friends or family.
 
2013-06-19 06:33:01 PM  

jst3p: orbister: ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent.  I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well.  The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.

Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?

Duh! Put it on the invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith
and
Mr. and Mrs. Mark Franklin Jones
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Mary Ann Smith
and
Edward Malcolm Jones
Your portion comes to $145.83, double that if plus one.
Gift should be of equal or greater value.


This is why your posts show up in lovely, cheery green
 
2013-06-19 06:33:07 PM  
I can't wait for the follow up when this happy couple gets divorced. I have a feeling it will be epic and will make Fark.
/Learned a lot about weddings reading the thread though.
 
Displayed 50 of 372 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report