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(Fark)   If your pet could talk, what would it say?   (fark.com) divider line 44
    More: Misc, etymology, social cognition, dog breeding, breeds of dogs, Middle English, French Alps, permanent settlement, other nations  
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2959 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jun 2013 at 3:58 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-06-19 01:59:20 PM
3 votes:
img.fark.net
2013-06-19 01:43:58 PM
3 votes:
My cat is kind of an asshole so she'd probably say something like "Hey, F*ckface! Stop trying to do anything else and pay attention to me until I get bored and try to bite you!"
2013-06-19 05:27:05 PM
2 votes:
img.fark.net

Thank you for saving me from that dust lot in the middle of butt-fark nowhere texas.
2013-06-19 04:05:07 PM
2 votes:
Dog: OH WOW! YOU'RE HOME!! I MISSED YOU!! WOW!! WOW!! WOW!! THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!

Cat: I would kill you if I were bigger.
2013-06-19 02:41:03 PM
2 votes:
i22.photobucket.com

"I love beer....beery beer beer....down it goes....down into my belly."
2013-06-19 01:52:06 PM
2 votes:

Rev. Skarekroe: Maybe my cat could tell me why he's recently developed the habit of pooping in front of the litterbox instead of in it.  But not every time.  Just some of the time.
My rabbit would probably say exactly what he says now.  Small grunts when he gets excited about food and nothing else.


Clean its box or switch its litter.  Something about that box is pissing it off.  Or its sick.
2013-06-19 01:48:00 PM
2 votes:
"Why don't I exist?"
2013-06-19 01:47:05 PM
2 votes:

techmom: "That Rainbow Bridge stuff is bullshiat!"

(they're dead)


Thread killer
2013-06-19 01:45:56 PM
2 votes:
"PET ME! PET ME! PET ME! PET ME! PET ME! PET ME! PET ME! PET ME! PET ME! PET ME!"
2013-06-19 01:44:36 PM
2 votes:
"hey!" "hey!"

"hey!" "hey!"
2013-06-19 10:50:34 PM
1 votes:
My roommate's maine coon kitten:
"OMG look how soft I am I love you!!! giv more snuggles! pet me here-   K Done.  fark off human."
(while on top of the cat tower) "Look how fluffy I am.  You know you want to pet me.  And I want to attack the shiat out of your hand.  Lets make a deal."
"I'm not staring at you, human.  I'm staring at the drawstrings on your hoodie."

Cat: You know I love something if I lick it.
Me: I only ever see you lick yourself.
Cat: Exactly.
2013-06-19 08:36:05 PM
1 votes:

Satan's Bunny Slippers: FormlessOne: "Feed me that wet canned stuff not the crunchy dry stuff, then let me go into the bedroom and barf it up where I please, instead of pushing my heaving feline ass through the cat door - it's not like I want a squirrel right now, as I'm puking, but I do appreciate the thought and I'll be sure to bring a half-dead rodent inside and drop it in the living room at 2 AM so you can hear it scream and scrabble all over the furniture while the little tree-rat bleeds out, because I hate playing with them outside in the rain and it's much better than batting around that damned cat toy, which is why I leave it underfoot in the bathroom so that schlub of a wife of yours can step on it and scream, waking you up three hours before you have to go to work and allowing me to take your spot on the bed, wiping my muddy, treerat-blood-covered paws on your pillow like an Insane Clown Posse fan at an orgy before dragging my wet ass down the bed to dry off - oh, and another thing, I'd really like it if you kept every other cat in the neighborhood fed, but only if I'm allowed to beat holy hell out of them, because I'm tired of having you stuff me in a cat carrier, and drag my listless ass to the vet's office to have yet another abscess drained thanks to my incessant need to attack anything that moves, even if it can kick my ass six ways to Sunday."

Repeat as needed.

Achilles?

Sounds just like my friends cat.


Nope - "Bun", oddly enough.
2013-06-19 06:42:48 PM
1 votes:
"Feed me that wet canned stuff not the crunchy dry stuff, then let me go into the bedroom and barf it up where I please, instead of pushing my heaving feline ass through the cat door - it's not like I want a squirrel right now, as I'm puking, but I do appreciate the thought and I'll be sure to bring a half-dead rodent inside and drop it in the living room at 2 AM so you can hear it scream and scrabble all over the furniture while the little tree-rat bleeds out, because I hate playing with them outside in the rain and it's much better than batting around that damned cat toy, which is why I leave it underfoot in the bathroom so that schlub of a wife of yours can step on it and scream, waking you up three hours before you have to go to work and allowing me to take your spot on the bed, wiping my muddy, treerat-blood-covered paws on your pillow like an Insane Clown Posse fan at an orgy before dragging my wet ass down the bed to dry off - oh, and another thing, I'd really like it if you kept every other cat in the neighborhood fed, but only if I'm allowed to beat holy hell out of them, because I'm tired of having you stuff me in a cat carrier, and drag my listless ass to the vet's office to have yet another abscess drained thanks to my incessant need to attack anything that moves, even if it can kick my ass six ways to Sunday."

Repeat as needed.
2013-06-19 05:18:53 PM
1 votes:

1-phenylpropan-2-amine: [img.fark.net image 500x283]


img.fark.net

"ALAN!   ALAN!   AL!  ALAN!  AL! AL!  ALAN!"

"Wait - that's never Alan..."
2013-06-19 05:18:04 PM
1 votes:
Run for your lives!! Richard Gere is in the area.
img.fark.net
2013-06-19 05:15:03 PM
1 votes:
Meow.  Meow.  Meow,  Meow, motherfarker!  can't you hear me meowing over here?  Now get up and feed me!  I'm already late for my schedule of furniture destroying events for the day.  And a nap. I could really go for a nap.
2013-06-19 05:09:43 PM
1 votes:
Funny, my pet already does:

"Colonel!" Translation: I did something bad and you are going to be pissed.
"WHAT." Translation: You are interrupting my naptime.
"CreamCreamCreamCream!" Translation: I want some of your ice cream (just a taste man, just a little taste).
"Hello?" Translation: The phone is ringing off the hook. You gonna get that?
And here's the dead giveaway.

"Pretty Birdie" Translation: I am happy, but can you look at me?
She also does one-off repeats of conversations (around the last 5 minutes of conversation), and she laughs (which sounds exactly like a woman's laugh).

The bird? A Green Cheeked Conure.
2013-06-19 04:40:34 PM
1 votes:
2013-06-19 04:36:55 PM
1 votes:

RatMaster999: [img.fark.net image 850x637]
Why is the jerky gone?


[img.fark.net image 668x561]

Tea.  Earl Grey.  Hot.

[img.fark.net image 640x480]

The teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind.


Glad my wife was not here to see those, I told her about the baby dumbos me and the boys saw in Pet Smart today and I could hear her coo through the texts. Either that or that farking parrot wasn't actually dead all the way.

Love pet rats.
2013-06-19 04:19:55 PM
1 votes:
upload.wikimedia.org

Hay asshole, I'm sick of crickets, I need a mate, and you never pick me up anymore. You suck, give me to a better human.

/leopard gecko for sale. cheap.
2013-06-19 04:11:50 PM
1 votes:
Squirrel...SQUIRREL!!!  Do you SEE THE SQUIRREL!!!!!

BACON!!! BACON!!!

Squirrel

Oooohh cat poop
2013-06-19 04:11:23 PM
1 votes:
Dog: "Play? Play? Play? Play? Play? Play? Play? Food? Food? Food? Food? Food? Food? Food? Food? Play? Play? Play? Play? Play? Play? Bacon! Bacon! Oh, bacon, bacon, bacon!"

Cat: "Yawn. Losers. igottahurryupandbeoverhere!"
2013-06-19 04:10:52 PM
1 votes:

oldfarthenry: In his "younger" years:
[img.fark.net image 320x238]
He just got diagnosed with Lupus this week.
I burst into tears during my "if it comes down to it, we're not going to let him suffer" speech with the kids. Embarrassing.
Hopefully we can control it with meds.


I think one of the worse fates I've seen a dog suffer is liver disease. My sister's dog's liver shrank and there was a chemical that built up in her body, specifically the brain, that caused her a lot of pain to the point she would try the squeeze her head by trying to shove it between walls and furniture.
2013-06-19 04:10:19 PM
1 votes:
img.fark.net
Why is the jerky gone?


img.fark.net

Tea.  Earl Grey.  Hot.

img.fark.net

The teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind.
2013-06-19 04:01:44 PM
1 votes:
languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu
2013-06-19 04:00:41 PM
1 votes:
I want steak.

/obvious
2013-06-19 03:57:59 PM
1 votes:
Areyoudoneeatingthatyet?CanIhaveit?Areyoudoneeatingthatyet?CanIhaveit? Areyoudoneeatingthatyet?CanIhaveit?Areyoudoneeatingthatyet?CanIhaveit? Areyoudoneeatingthatyet?CanIhaveit?Areyoudoneeatingthatyet?CanIhaveit? Areyoudoneeatingthatyet?CanIhaveit?Areyoudoneeatingthatyet?CanIhaveit?
2013-06-19 03:12:06 PM
1 votes:
http://youtu.be/PKffm2uI4dk

Best Cat youtube clip ever.
2013-06-19 02:40:31 PM
1 votes:
"Put some goddamn clothes on, you freak!"
2013-06-19 02:40:23 PM
1 votes:

msupf: I'm happy you rescued me
[img.fark.net image 800x600]


Thread over. Cutest dog pic of the day!

Kinda reminds me of...

images3.wikia.nocookie.net
2013-06-19 02:35:09 PM
1 votes:
24.media.tumblr.com
I KEEP THESE NOSEFOODS FOR A REASON! STOP TAKING THEM!
2013-06-19 02:18:06 PM
1 votes:

DonWrite: "uh.. no. I am pretty sure this is my half of the bed."


Ug. I hate that one! I even have an old comforter folder in half length wise just for them... but Nooooo, Rams wants Mommy's side, even when Mommy is already on her side.
2013-06-19 02:16:13 PM
1 votes:
"I liked you better when you had a job."
2013-06-19 02:09:12 PM
1 votes:

You look funny upside-down

img.fark.net



I love cuddles
img.fark.net

I'm happy you rescued me
img.fark.net
img.fark.net
2013-06-19 02:09:06 PM
1 votes:
I'm hungry!
I'm hungry!
I'm hungry!
I'm hungry!
I'm hungry!
I'm hungry!
2013-06-19 02:07:04 PM
1 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: Was talking to Rams and BaldR today while getting their food. Told them I had just talked to Debbie and she asked about them (she was Rams' Foster mom for over a month).

BaldR is sitting and cocks his head to the side and looks straight in my eyes like "Oh yeah, she was a cool lady."
Rams is looking at the dish and going: "Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food."

I talk to them because I'm lonely in that house. But that above is as far as it goes. Mostly just, have a good day?, need to go out?, wanna go for car ride?.... etc.



I talk to mine all the time.  Actual one sided out loud conversations.  This is especially helpful if I'm mulling something over or just need to vent about something biatchy.  Rather than call a friend and vent over what is usually a "SBS got her panties all in a twist over something stupid" and bore the hell out of them for 30 minutes, the cats will sit and soak it up like I'm speaking the most important words ever spoken in that house.  Then I give them all treats and feel better because I got it out of my system, and didn't make a friend suffer for it.
2013-06-19 02:06:56 PM
1 votes:
"uh.. no. I am pretty sure this is my half of the bed."
2013-06-19 01:52:59 PM
1 votes:
food food food food
food food food food
2013-06-19 01:51:47 PM
1 votes:
MOM MOM MOM MOM MAMA MAMA MOM MOM MOMMIE MOMMIE MA MA MA MAMA MAMA MOMMIE MOMMIE MOM MOM MOM


(all 3 cats, in seriously off key non harmony, constantly)
2013-06-19 01:50:04 PM
1 votes:
It would likely look like 1/2 of twitter:

"I just ate, *random tinyurl*"
"I pooped, *random tinyurl*"
"I'm so wasted, *random tinyurl*"
2013-06-19 01:48:52 PM
1 votes:
Want to go play ball?  Later?  Is it later?  Now?  Ball?  Now?  Now?  Now? Now?  Now?
2013-06-19 01:45:46 PM
1 votes:
I have two dogs so..

"I want attention!"
"No, give me attention!"
2013-06-19 01:45:05 PM
1 votes:
When I'm eating:  Drop it, drop it, drop it. drop it!
2013-06-19 01:44:10 PM
1 votes:
"Look at that doggie outside!!!! OMG! OMG! Doggie!!! Let me out of the house so I can run free and sniff its butt!!!!"
 
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