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(Fark)   If your pet could talk, what would it say?   (fark.com) divider line 303
    More: Misc, etymology, social cognition, dog breeding, breeds of dogs, Middle English, French Alps, permanent settlement, other nations  
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2956 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jun 2013 at 3:58 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-19 05:09:23 PM
I gotta pee, but im probably gonna see a squirrel or hear another dog bark and forget i have to pee and then need to be let out again in 20 minutes.

img.fark.net
 
2013-06-19 05:09:43 PM
Funny, my pet already does:

"Colonel!" Translation: I did something bad and you are going to be pissed.
"WHAT." Translation: You are interrupting my naptime.
"CreamCreamCreamCream!" Translation: I want some of your ice cream (just a taste man, just a little taste).
"Hello?" Translation: The phone is ringing off the hook. You gonna get that?
And here's the dead giveaway.

"Pretty Birdie" Translation: I am happy, but can you look at me?
She also does one-off repeats of conversations (around the last 5 minutes of conversation), and she laughs (which sounds exactly like a woman's laugh).

The bird? A Green Cheeked Conure.
 
2013-06-19 05:11:44 PM
brap:
img.fark.net

Inschpector Picklesh, reportingsh for dutiesh. Why yesh, peoplesh have shed I remind them of a low-budget Schhhhhhawn Connery. Aaaaaachtapusshy.


He was on TV in Chicago!
img.fark.net

img.fark.net
 
2013-06-19 05:11:45 PM
Mr. Toitle:

STOP TOUCHING ME!
 
2013-06-19 05:12:46 PM

1-phenylpropan-2-amine: [img.fark.net image 500x283]



Ellen!  Ellen!

http://www.youtube.com/w atch?v=f-Kt_kuYVtU


/ thanks for the reminder
 
2013-06-19 05:14:23 PM
My cat would say, "Is that the mailman I hear? Gottaeathim,gottaeathim! Now! Let me out, my territory, mine I tell you!" And then, "Yes, you may pet me, but not more than 3 times. If you go over, I will bite you." and further, "If you ignore me, I will rise up and smite your calf, leaving a set of fang marks, explain that one why don't you?"
 
2013-06-19 05:15:03 PM
Meow.  Meow.  Meow,  Meow, motherfarker!  can't you hear me meowing over here?  Now get up and feed me!  I'm already late for my schedule of furniture destroying events for the day.  And a nap. I could really go for a nap.
 
2013-06-19 05:15:20 PM

hammettman: My dog died recently so I haz a sad and not getting a kick....

But my brother has 2 really obnoxious dogs and here's what they'd say:

Dog1: this guy drinks so much red wine.  Just marinates himself in it.
Dog2: if he drops dead and no one comes for the body, I got dibs on the femurs.


Sorry to hear this. It is never easy to lose one of our four footed friends.
 
2013-06-19 05:15:58 PM

mactobain: I want steak.


That took way too long in this thread.
 
2013-06-19 05:16:04 PM
img.fark.net
Turn it on, Turn it on. Turn it on. Turn it on. Turn it on.
*runs over to me*
Jerk!
*runs back*
Turn it on, Turn it on. Turn it on. Turn it on. Turn it on.
(repeat)
 
2013-06-19 05:16:18 PM
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity ...
 
2013-06-19 05:18:04 PM
Run for your lives!! Richard Gere is in the area.
img.fark.net
 
2013-06-19 05:18:53 PM

1-phenylpropan-2-amine: [img.fark.net image 500x283]


img.fark.net

"ALAN!   ALAN!   AL!  ALAN!  AL! AL!  ALAN!"

"Wait - that's never Alan..."
 
2013-06-19 05:26:28 PM
My cat would say, "That dog is a dick!"

My dog would probably say, "Meow."  She's none too bright.
 
2013-06-19 05:27:05 PM
img.fark.net

Thank you for saving me from that dust lot in the middle of butt-fark nowhere texas.
 
2013-06-19 05:27:17 PM
Is... is that a steak??

img.fark.net
 
2013-06-19 05:29:58 PM
img.photobucket.com
"Pllllbtttt"
 
2013-06-19 05:30:07 PM
img.fark.net

"Why do you keep calling me a little prick?"
 
2013-06-19 05:30:37 PM
My cat talks all the time. He says things like "Booooored!", "Where are you?", "K, I'm coming", "Yes I'm hungry", "What?", "You are awesome", "I want to play", "DIE you farking straw, DIE", "DO NOT WANT", and "Fark you".

Not much, I would say pets have a really small vocabulary. But I can understand everything because I really listen to them.
 
2013-06-19 05:31:57 PM
img.fark.net

*wink*  Who loves you baby?!
 
2013-06-19 05:33:16 PM
"Can you lube up first, please?"
 
2013-06-19 05:34:32 PM
"If you love something, pee on it."
 
2013-06-19 05:39:28 PM
So many awesome pets in here!
 
2013-06-19 05:40:13 PM
You can get off me now if you're done.
 
2013-06-19 05:40:55 PM
cowgirl toffee:If you love something pee on it..if it leaves you, it was never yours to begin with.

Plus now it has your pee on it.
 
2013-06-19 05:43:57 PM
"Oh yeah, like you wouldn't do the same thing if you were this flexible."
 
2013-06-19 05:45:33 PM
How I feel about my hairless monkeys (aka:  'The Thumbs')

i112.photobucket.com
 
2013-06-19 05:46:24 PM

I_C_Weener: "You masturbate a lot."


"...and why do you keep looking at me when you do it?!"  O_O
 
2013-06-19 05:50:30 PM
"So, we noticed that you and your female person brought home two tiny, human-looking things a couple weeks ago, and their primary function at this time seems to be making loud noises, bad smells, and sleeping (not all at the same time).  This worries us to no end. What are they???"
-My 2 dogs

PS- "FEED US. OK, NOW, THROW THIS TENNIS BALL."
 
2013-06-19 05:51:44 PM
what is my bidding my master
 
2013-06-19 05:52:39 PM
img.fark.netimg.fark.netimg.fark.net

/RIP my LOVE...I MISS YOU SOOO MUCH!!!
 
2013-06-19 05:55:11 PM

eas81: [img.fark.net image 850x637][img.fark.net image 768x1024][img.fark.net image 612x816]

/RIP my LOVE...I MISS YOU SOOO MUCH!!!


My condolences, bro.  It's gonna hurt a lot when my girl goes.
 
2013-06-19 06:01:43 PM
OH BOY! OH BOY! OH BOY! GOING FOR A WALK! MY FAVORITE THING EVER!

OH BOY! OH BOY! OH BOY! HEAD SCRITCHES! MY FAVORITE THING EVER!

OH BOY! OH BOY! OH BOY! A FULL FOOD DISH! MY FAVORITE THING EVER!

OH BOY! OH BOY! OH BOY! BELLY RUBS! MY FAVORITE THING EVER!

OH BOY! OH BOY! OH BOY! A GAME OF "FETCH"! MY FAVORITE THING EVER!
 
2013-06-19 06:07:48 PM

NickelP: Rev. Skarekroe: Maybe my cat could tell me why he's recently developed the habit of pooping in front of the litterbox instead of in it.  But not every time.  Just some of the time.
My rabbit would probably say exactly what he says now.  Small grunts when he gets excited about food and nothing else.

Clean its box or switch its litter.  Something about that box is pissing it off.  Or its sick.


Clean its his box or switch its his litter.  Something about that box is pissing it him off.  Or its he's sick.

FTFY

/Great advice though, you are 100% correct
//Also, look up the difference between its and it's
 
2013-06-19 06:14:06 PM
cat fud --->
 
2013-06-19 06:22:55 PM

Bawdy George: cat fud --->


oh pleeeeeeeeeeease
 
2013-06-19 06:24:11 PM

eauque: NickelP: Rev. Skarekroe: Maybe my cat could tell me why he's recently developed the habit of pooping in front of the litterbox instead of in it.  But not every time.  Just some of the time.
My rabbit would probably say exactly what he says now.  Small grunts when he gets excited about food and nothing else.

Clean its box or switch its litter.  Something about that box is pissing it off.  Or its sick.

Clean its his box or switch its his litter.  Something about that box is pissing it him off.  Or its he's sick.

FTFY

/Great advice though, you are 100% correct
//Also, look up the difference between its and it's


Cat climbs into box... turns around a couple times... scratches... turns again... looks down... thinks "Yep, I'm in the box"... then poops over the side.
 
2013-06-19 06:25:23 PM
fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net

HELP! I'VE BEACHED AND CAN'T GET BACK TO THE FUD!
 
2013-06-19 06:28:23 PM
I WILL kill you!

sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2013-06-19 06:29:30 PM
3am IS SO EXCITING!
 
2013-06-19 06:30:57 PM
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.  Give me treats.  NOW puny human.

fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net
 
2013-06-19 06:34:52 PM
First of all, they're called he and biatches. Not it.
 
2013-06-19 06:39:03 PM

AlwaysRightBoy: First of all, they're called he and biatches. Not it.


THIS
 
2013-06-19 06:42:48 PM
"Feed me that wet canned stuff not the crunchy dry stuff, then let me go into the bedroom and barf it up where I please, instead of pushing my heaving feline ass through the cat door - it's not like I want a squirrel right now, as I'm puking, but I do appreciate the thought and I'll be sure to bring a half-dead rodent inside and drop it in the living room at 2 AM so you can hear it scream and scrabble all over the furniture while the little tree-rat bleeds out, because I hate playing with them outside in the rain and it's much better than batting around that damned cat toy, which is why I leave it underfoot in the bathroom so that schlub of a wife of yours can step on it and scream, waking you up three hours before you have to go to work and allowing me to take your spot on the bed, wiping my muddy, treerat-blood-covered paws on your pillow like an Insane Clown Posse fan at an orgy before dragging my wet ass down the bed to dry off - oh, and another thing, I'd really like it if you kept every other cat in the neighborhood fed, but only if I'm allowed to beat holy hell out of them, because I'm tired of having you stuff me in a cat carrier, and drag my listless ass to the vet's office to have yet another abscess drained thanks to my incessant need to attack anything that moves, even if it can kick my ass six ways to Sunday."

Repeat as needed.
 
2013-06-19 06:43:56 PM
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It's awfully cold for the park isn't it?

img.fark.net
Do you like my Yeti impression?

 img.fark.net
I'm the cutest Samurai in the world!

img.fark.net
You're gonna do what to my hair?!

img.fark.net
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
 
2013-06-19 06:46:05 PM
"That dog over there has balls. Where are my balls? You had them cut off, didn't you, you sick fark? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAoh that smells great I'ma smell tha..." *runs off*
 
2013-06-19 06:53:00 PM
My iguana:

"I'll get off your computer from June until August. Otherwise, your work is of no consequence to me. I kind of look like David Bowie, so you'll love me either way."
 
2013-06-19 06:53:48 PM

Satan's Bunny Slippers: Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.  Give me treats.  NOW puny human.

[fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net image 850x477]


I want to spend lots of time brushing your cat.  Brushing the pretty, fluffly, floofy kitty.
 
2013-06-19 06:54:02 PM
Dog: THROW THE BALL

Cats would alternate between 'feed us! feed us! we love you! we love you!' and 'leave me the fark alone.

'

oldfarthenry: In his "younger" years:
[img.fark.net image 320x238]
He just got diagnosed with Lupus this week.
I burst into tears during my "if it comes down to it, we're not going to let him suffer" speech with the kids. Embarrassing.
Hopefully we can control it with meds.


Gorgeous Aussie and I hope the meds are effective and you get more happy years with him.
 
2013-06-19 06:58:18 PM

Pray 4 Mojo: eauque: NickelP: Rev. Skarekroe: Maybe my cat could tell me why he's recently developed the habit of pooping in front of the litterbox instead of in it.  But not every time.  Just some of the time.
My rabbit would probably say exactly what he says now.  Small grunts when he gets excited about food and nothing else.

Clean its box or switch its litter.  Something about that box is pissing it off.  Or its sick.

Clean its his box or switch its his litter.  Something about that box is pissing it him off.  Or its he's sick.

FTFY

/Great advice though, you are 100% correct
//Also, look up the difference between its and it's

Cat climbs into box... turns around a couple times... scratches... turns again... looks down... thinks "Yep, I'm in the box"... then poops over the side.


Cat is either old (possibly senile) or sick.
 
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