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(Fark)   If your pet could talk, what would it say?   (fark.com) divider line 303
    More: Misc, etymology, social cognition, dog breeding, breeds of dogs, Middle English, French Alps, permanent settlement, other nations  
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2959 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jun 2013 at 3:58 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-19 04:00:41 PM
I want steak.

/obvious
 
2013-06-19 04:01:15 PM
Sorry I had to leave, yesterday, but I was like 90 in cat years and I just ran out of gas. - Kitty Mew.   :  (
 
2013-06-19 04:01:39 PM
Why aren't you dead yet, you are like 270 years old.
 
2013-06-19 04:01:44 PM
languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu
 
2013-06-19 04:02:49 PM
Whar wet food!?!

-Kitty Cash

Leave me alone!

-Mr. Toitle
 
2013-06-19 04:04:28 PM
In his "younger" years:
img.fark.net
He just got diagnosed with Lupus this week.
I burst into tears during my "if it comes down to it, we're not going to let him suffer" speech with the kids. Embarrassing.
Hopefully we can control it with meds.
 
2013-06-19 04:05:06 PM

Shaggydum80: My cat is kind of an asshole so she'd probably say something like "Hey, F*ckface! Stop trying to do anything else and pay attention to me until I get bored and try to bite you!"


and we are done...
 
2013-06-19 04:05:07 PM
Dog: OH WOW! YOU'RE HOME!! I MISSED YOU!! WOW!! WOW!! WOW!! THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!

Cat: I would kill you if I were bigger.
 
2013-06-19 04:05:12 PM
"I want steak"
 
2013-06-19 04:06:17 PM

Jerkwater: Dog: OH WOW! YOU'RE HOME!! I MISSED YOU!! WOW!! WOW!! WOW!! THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!

Cat: I would kill you if I were bigger.


Whar like button? Whar?
 
2013-06-19 04:06:25 PM
img.fark.net
Throw the ball!  Throw the ball!  Throw the ball.  Throw the . . . I'm hungry. Food!  Food!!  Food!!!
 
2013-06-19 04:06:38 PM

msupf: You're right, they do smell like fritos.
[imageshack.us image 800x600]


I am so glad that I am not the only one who has thought of frito paw. I thought I was nuts until I googled it. My basset smells like corn chips for about a week and then it is time for a bath.
 
2013-06-19 04:07:31 PM
"chase me around with the vacuum cleaner again and I'll piss on your bed next time instead of the carpet"
 
2013-06-19 04:07:31 PM
Get out of  my chair
 
2013-06-19 04:07:44 PM
img.fark.net


"My name is Ryder.  I destroy worlds."
 
2013-06-19 04:07:47 PM
Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad!!dad!!DAD! DAD!! DADDADDAD! dad!!! DAD!!!
 
2013-06-19 04:08:38 PM
Parrot would say "Next time would you mind putting the cover over my cage before you try to surprise her with anal?"
 
2013-06-19 04:09:54 PM
Ball, ball, ball, STEAK, ball, ball, belly rub, snuggle.

/rescued a wonderful golden retriever
 
2013-06-19 04:10:19 PM
img.fark.net
Why is the jerky gone?


img.fark.net

Tea.  Earl Grey.  Hot.

img.fark.net

The teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind.
 
2013-06-19 04:10:19 PM
"That ball I just dropped at your feet ain't gonna throw itself."
 
2013-06-19 04:10:36 PM
Your pets don't talk? Ruh roh
 
2013-06-19 04:10:52 PM

oldfarthenry: In his "younger" years:
[img.fark.net image 320x238]
He just got diagnosed with Lupus this week.
I burst into tears during my "if it comes down to it, we're not going to let him suffer" speech with the kids. Embarrassing.
Hopefully we can control it with meds.


I think one of the worse fates I've seen a dog suffer is liver disease. My sister's dog's liver shrank and there was a chemical that built up in her body, specifically the brain, that caused her a lot of pain to the point she would try the squeeze her head by trying to shove it between walls and furniture.
 
2013-06-19 04:11:20 PM
"Why do you masturbate every time I watch you from a hole in the ceiling?"
 
2013-06-19 04:11:23 PM
Dog: "Play? Play? Play? Play? Play? Play? Play? Food? Food? Food? Food? Food? Food? Food? Food? Play? Play? Play? Play? Play? Play? Bacon! Bacon! Oh, bacon, bacon, bacon!"

Cat: "Yawn. Losers. igottahurryupandbeoverhere!"
 
2013-06-19 04:11:50 PM
Squirrel...SQUIRREL!!!  Do you SEE THE SQUIRREL!!!!!

BACON!!! BACON!!!

Squirrel

Oooohh cat poop
 
2013-06-19 04:12:26 PM
Pretty much covered here:
http://textfromdog.tumblr.com/
 
2013-06-19 04:13:11 PM

busy chillin': "hey!" "hey!"

"hey!" "hey!"


m5.paperblog.com
 
2013-06-19 04:13:33 PM
Please stop . . . my butthole can't take it any more.

/ something, something, empty bowl, something.
 
2013-06-19 04:13:50 PM
"...and then the freak in the mask and gloves came at me with the scalpel, and next thing I remember my nutsack hurt and I had this stupid-ass cone around my neck!"
 
2013-06-19 04:13:55 PM
"You want me to go pee in the rain? Nope not going to happen, that is what the bathroom rug is for."
 
2013-06-19 04:13:58 PM
img.fark.net
 
2013-06-19 04:14:14 PM
Cat #1 (damaged stray): "Ahhh, thank you for petting me, I really like...WHY ARE YOU  LOOKING AT ME??!!!  AAAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!"

Cat #2: "Let me lick the tapioca out of your bowl or I swear on all that is holy I WILL stab you in your sleep."

Dog #1: "You gonna eat that?"

Dog #2: (another damage stray): "What did I do wrong? You're going to beat me, aren't you?"

Dog #3: (rescued from aging relatives): "ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou "
 
2013-06-19 04:15:19 PM
"Hold that thought, I need to chew on my ass for about five minutes."
 
2013-06-19 04:16:24 PM
I! Love! You! Let! Me! Eat! Your! Nose! Bring! It! Down! A! Little! Closer!

Each exclamation is a jump into the air.
 
2013-06-19 04:19:26 PM

DontMakeMeComeBackThere: Dog #2: (another damage stray): "What did I do wrong? You're going to beat me, aren't you?"


I have one of those, don't wear a hat or try to pet her without sitting down. Oh and she doesn't bark at humans, cats yes humans at most get a squeak if she really likes you.
 
2013-06-19 04:19:27 PM
Rescue Corgi: kill it kill it kill it I wuv u soooo mu--Food now!

St. Bernard: duuhh...what?
 
2013-06-19 04:19:38 PM
I expect my Chinchilla would sound like Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction quoting the Bible.
 
2013-06-19 04:19:55 PM
upload.wikimedia.org

Hay asshole, I'm sick of crickets, I need a mate, and you never pick me up anymore. You suck, give me to a better human.

/leopard gecko for sale. cheap.
 
2013-06-19 04:20:45 PM
"Listen human, if you don't want me to walk across you and stick my whiskers in your face at 4 am I got one word for you ALBACORE.  Okay, make that two words ALBACORE FILET."

walks away grumbling to herself " I swear I am one can of no-brand tuna from ripping her face off"

Bipolar tabby, loves you soooo much in the morning, tries to kill you and dismember you in the evening .
 
2013-06-19 04:20:46 PM

Anastacya: msupf: You're right, they do smell like fritos.
[imageshack.us image 800x600]

I am so glad that I am not the only one who has thought of frito paw. I thought I was nuts until I googled it. My basset smells like corn chips for about a week and then it is time for a bath.


when my dog gets cozy under a blanket or sheet she gives off a smell very much like classic Doritos. Doesn't matter if she had a bath that day. Between that and the foot frites, she's all that and two bags of chips.
 
2013-06-19 04:22:01 PM
CHIPMONK!
 
2013-06-19 04:22:02 PM
My cat, Hay you big dummy I'm hungry, Hay you big dummy let me out, Hay you big dummy scatch my back, Hay you big dummy let me in etc. etc.
 
2013-06-19 04:23:02 PM
Have you seen my balls? I went to sleep and woke up and now they are gone
 
2013-06-19 04:23:12 PM
"I have something incredible to show you right now!"

/cat
//says it often
 
2013-06-19 04:23:26 PM
My dog would be asking me why I rolled over when she was just about to go to sleep.  She lifts her head and gives me a look like "WTF was that all about? I was comfortable".
 
2013-06-19 04:24:44 PM
I miss my poopsie, she died a couple weeks ago.  Such a cool cat, I can only say she would ask for more beer, bc that's would we'd do together while watching tv.  Not her own beer, I would share mine.
 
2013-06-19 04:27:05 PM
"How very strange to possess another being."
 
2013-06-19 04:27:18 PM
We have 4 cats.  Each of them actually speaks their own language of a sort.  And oddly enough, both my wife and I understand what they are saying.  Normally it's "give me a treat", "fill the cat bowl", or "can I go outside?".

There is also the one whom, if you walk by while he's laying down, and fail to acknowledge his presense, he will swat you and say something like, "Hey, dick!!  I'm right here!"

We have another one that's in heat right now.  She never shuts up.  She just goes on and on about how badly she wants to have sex.
 
2013-06-19 04:27:18 PM
I'm ashamed of you, hooman...


img.fark.net
 
2013-06-19 04:27:33 PM
"All dogs go to heaven? Seriously?"
 
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