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(Fark)   If your pet could talk, what would it say?   (fark.com) divider line 303
    More: Misc, etymology, social cognition, dog breeding, breeds of dogs, Middle English, French Alps, permanent settlement, other nations  
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2947 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jun 2013 at 3:58 PM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-19 01:43:58 PM
My cat is kind of an asshole so she'd probably say something like "Hey, F*ckface! Stop trying to do anything else and pay attention to me until I get bored and try to bite you!"
 
2013-06-19 01:44:10 PM
"Look at that doggie outside!!!! OMG! OMG! Doggie!!! Let me out of the house so I can run free and sniff its butt!!!!"
 
2013-06-19 01:44:28 PM
she'd ask where the other dog went. since we put down the older dog, the young dog has been looking for her
 
2013-06-19 01:44:36 PM
"hey!" "hey!"

"hey!" "hey!"
 
2013-06-19 01:45:05 PM
When I'm eating:  Drop it, drop it, drop it. drop it!
 
2013-06-19 01:45:26 PM
What are you looking at?

img.fark.net

Are you freaking kidding me? Do I look like a reindeer to you?

img.fark.net

Ahh!! That's the stuff!

img.fark.net
 
2013-06-19 01:45:46 PM
I have two dogs so..

"I want attention!"
"No, give me attention!"
 
2013-06-19 01:45:56 PM
"PET ME! PET ME! PET ME! PET ME! PET ME! PET ME! PET ME! PET ME! PET ME! PET ME!"
 
2013-06-19 01:46:37 PM
"That Rainbow Bridge stuff is bullshiat!"

(they're dead)
 
2013-06-19 01:47:05 PM

techmom: "That Rainbow Bridge stuff is bullshiat!"

(they're dead)


Thread killer
 
2013-06-19 01:47:28 PM
img.fark.net
The pooch is a good listener. Here I am telling him to not do drugs (at least MY drugs) and to stay in school.  Then I had to run him off to his Little League game.
 
2013-06-19 01:48:00 PM
"Why don't I exist?"
 
2013-06-19 01:48:44 PM
My dog would say "I require 1(one) biscuit please."
 
2013-06-19 01:48:44 PM
"Sup dog"

"Sup, hey I see what you did there, hah! Can I have a treat? I just peed in the yard and you usually give me a treat when I do that, here, I'll give you a highfive"
 
2013-06-19 01:48:52 PM
Want to go play ball?  Later?  Is it later?  Now?  Ball?  Now?  Now?  Now? Now?  Now?
 
2013-06-19 01:49:11 PM

techmom: "That Rainbow Bridge stuff is bullshiat!"

(they're dead)


I lol'd
 
2013-06-19 01:49:49 PM
Maybe my cat could tell me why he's recently developed the habit of pooping in front of the litterbox instead of in it.  But not every time.  Just some of the time.
My rabbit would probably say exactly what he says now.  Small grunts when he gets excited about food and nothing else.
 
2013-06-19 01:50:04 PM
It would likely look like 1/2 of twitter:

"I just ate, *random tinyurl*"
"I pooped, *random tinyurl*"
"I'm so wasted, *random tinyurl*"
 
2013-06-19 01:51:47 PM
MOM MOM MOM MOM MAMA MAMA MOM MOM MOMMIE MOMMIE MA MA MA MAMA MAMA MOMMIE MOMMIE MOM MOM MOM


(all 3 cats, in seriously off key non harmony, constantly)
 
2013-06-19 01:52:06 PM

Rev. Skarekroe: Maybe my cat could tell me why he's recently developed the habit of pooping in front of the litterbox instead of in it.  But not every time.  Just some of the time.
My rabbit would probably say exactly what he says now.  Small grunts when he gets excited about food and nothing else.


Clean its box or switch its litter.  Something about that box is pissing it off.  Or its sick.
 
2013-06-19 01:52:59 PM
food food food food
food food food food
 
2013-06-19 01:53:06 PM
My dogs fairly effectively communicate most of their needs, such as "the water dish is empty," "the door is in my way," "are you done with that?" and "dammit, other dog, I was laying here."

I would like to know what my male dog randomly whines about, though, because he does it a lot.  No, he's not injured.
 
2013-06-19 01:53:28 PM
"You! Monkey-boy. Make with those fancy opposable thumbs and crack open a can of fancy feast, like now-ish."
"yeah, mee toooo!!! I wuff yoouu!"
 
2013-06-19 01:54:02 PM

Rev. Skarekroe: Maybe my cat could tell me why he's recently developed the habit of pooping in front of the litterbox instead of in it.  But not every time.  Just some of the time.
My rabbit would probably say exactly what he says now.  Small grunts when he gets excited about food and nothing else.


take it to the vet, it's most likely sick
 
2013-06-19 01:54:16 PM
Let me out.

/which they kind of do.
 
2013-06-19 01:54:17 PM
"You masturbate a lot."
 
2013-06-19 01:54:34 PM
img.fark.net

What are you doing?? Wanna play??? Let's play!!!!!

img.fark.net

Ugh.
 
2013-06-19 01:55:03 PM
"I really need you to stop farting in my face.  It's not nearly as funny as you think it is."
 
2013-06-19 01:55:25 PM

I_C_Weener: "You masturbate a lot."


so your pet basically says "I see weener. A lot."
 
2013-06-19 01:57:39 PM
Was talking to Rams and BaldR today while getting their food. Told them I had just talked to Debbie and she asked about them (she was Rams' Foster mom for over a month).

BaldR is sitting and cocks his head to the side and looks straight in my eyes like "Oh yeah, she was a cool lady."
Rams is looking at the dish and going: "Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food."

I talk to them because I'm lonely in that house. But that above is as far as it goes. Mostly just, have a good day?, need to go out?, wanna go for car ride?.... etc.
 
2013-06-19 01:59:20 PM
img.fark.net
 
2013-06-19 02:00:02 PM

Kyro: "I really need you to stop farting in my face.  It's not nearly as funny as you think it is."


New dog can fart up a storm.  I learned not to play the fart game with him.
 
2013-06-19 02:00:23 PM
Blind cat: Stop moving shiat!
Asshole cat: Fark you!
Old dog: Can I come up on the couch? Can I? Can I? Can I? Yes?!! Oh boy oy boy oh boy!!! Uggg .....uggg .... uh, a little help here! My arthritis you know ... whoa whoa ... DON'T GRAB ME THERE! ... ahhhhh ... Ok I'm good nap timzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Nutty dog: Red Alert! There are people walking the street and OH.MY.GOD!!! There's a dog with them! Off my lawn! Off my lawn!  Off my lawn!  Off my lawn!  Off my lawn!  Off my lawn!  Off my lawn!

 Rev. Skarekroe: : Something about that box is pissing it off. Or its sick.

Sometimes if a cat is having pain when using the liter box it thinks the liter box is causing the problem. If changing out the pans don't work, call the vet.
 
2013-06-19 02:03:44 PM
"Could you please unlatch the cabinet door so I could get to the garbage can again?"
 
2013-06-19 02:04:47 PM
i59.photobucket.com
 
2013-06-19 02:06:02 PM
My Cat (the other day when I removed him from my pillow):
"I hate you. I hate you. You better hope you don't die tonight because I would so eat you. You jerk."
 
2013-06-19 02:06:56 PM
"uh.. no. I am pretty sure this is my half of the bed."
 
2013-06-19 02:07:04 PM

CapeFearCadaver: Was talking to Rams and BaldR today while getting their food. Told them I had just talked to Debbie and she asked about them (she was Rams' Foster mom for over a month).

BaldR is sitting and cocks his head to the side and looks straight in my eyes like "Oh yeah, she was a cool lady."
Rams is looking at the dish and going: "Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food."

I talk to them because I'm lonely in that house. But that above is as far as it goes. Mostly just, have a good day?, need to go out?, wanna go for car ride?.... etc.



I talk to mine all the time.  Actual one sided out loud conversations.  This is especially helpful if I'm mulling something over or just need to vent about something biatchy.  Rather than call a friend and vent over what is usually a "SBS got her panties all in a twist over something stupid" and bore the hell out of them for 30 minutes, the cats will sit and soak it up like I'm speaking the most important words ever spoken in that house.  Then I give them all treats and feel better because I got it out of my system, and didn't make a friend suffer for it.
 
2013-06-19 02:08:27 PM

NickelP: Rev. Skarekroe: Maybe my cat could tell me why he's recently developed the habit of pooping in front of the litterbox instead of in it.  But not every time.  Just some of the time.
My rabbit would probably say exactly what he says now.  Small grunts when he gets excited about food and nothing else.

Clean its box or switch its litter.  Something about that box is pissing it off.  Or its sick.


All that. Also might want to try using a different kitty litter brand. Maybe the litter gets caught in his toes.
 
2013-06-19 02:09:06 PM
I'm hungry!
I'm hungry!
I'm hungry!
I'm hungry!
I'm hungry!
I'm hungry!
 
2013-06-19 02:09:12 PM

You look funny upside-down

img.fark.net



I love cuddles
img.fark.net

I'm happy you rescued me
img.fark.net
img.fark.net
 
2013-06-19 02:11:39 PM
This one could use a caption:
img.fark.net
 
2013-06-19 02:12:25 PM

msupf: You look funny upside-down
[img.fark.net image 800x600]

I love cuddles
[img.fark.net image 800x600]

I'm happy you rescued me
[img.fark.net image 800x600]
[img.fark.net image 800x600]


That dog is rediculous
 
2013-06-19 02:13:55 PM

NickelP: Clean its box or switch its litter. Something about that box is pissing it off. Or its sick.


Yeah, the reason I don't think he's sick is that he's got two boxes and he doesn't do it with the other box.  And he doesn't pee outside the box.
The box in question has a lid - maybe he doesn't like the way it smells in there
 
2013-06-19 02:15:38 PM

msupf: This one could use a caption:
[img.fark.net image 800x600]


"The neighbor 7 houses down just got home, yep, there's the door closing."

or

"the f*ck you lookin' at?"
 
2013-06-19 02:16:13 PM
"I liked you better when you had a job."
 
2013-06-19 02:16:26 PM

msupf: You look funny upside-down
[img.fark.net image 800x600]

I love cuddles
[img.fark.net image 800x600]

I'm happy you rescued me
[img.fark.net image 800x600]
[img.fark.net image 800x600]



ZOMG I want to steal him and hug him every day.
 
2013-06-19 02:18:06 PM

DonWrite: "uh.. no. I am pretty sure this is my half of the bed."


Ug. I hate that one! I even have an old comforter folder in half length wise just for them... but Nooooo, Rams wants Mommy's side, even when Mommy is already on her side.
 
2013-06-19 02:18:19 PM
them damn goats will lie I tell ya...
 
2013-06-19 02:20:12 PM
Someone already invented lolcats.
 
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