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(Powerball)   From the Powerball FAQ: "Swinging a live chicken above your head while wishing for the future numbers does NOT work," and "You cannot use numbers on other tickets or the tickets of a friend or even a close relative"   (powerball.com) divider line 42
    More: Amusing, Powerball FAQ, state lottery, FAQ, Dali Lama  
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3822 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jun 2013 at 12:03 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



42 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-06-18 08:27:50 PM  
First, we need to cover some things that don't work. Swinging a live chicken above your head while wishing for the future numbers does NOT work. There is no improvement to be had by swinging a dead chicken. Although I have not tested it, swinging a bucket of extra crispy is not likely to work either.

So, you're saying you've tested the first two?
 
2013-06-18 08:33:13 PM  
img.fark.net

Um...dude.
 
2013-06-18 08:40:58 PM  
I read entrails.
 
2013-06-18 08:56:46 PM  
THAT'S WHAT *THEY* WANT YOU TO BELIEVE!!!

*continues swinging that chicken*
 
2013-06-18 09:12:32 PM  
How 'bout if I choke it?

/besides, everyone knows shaking a dead chicken without smoking a cigar is laughably ineffective
//IT 101
 
2013-06-18 09:21:49 PM  
If you've ever seen lottery ticket buying in Baltimore you realize this FAQ and the tone it uses is 100% correct for at least one segment of the lottery playing community. Watching the locals play their numbers with such specific purpose and chronology is both mildly hypnotic and terrifying.
 
2013-06-18 09:24:44 PM  

Wall_of_Doodoo: If you've ever seen lottery ticket buying in Baltimore you realize this FAQ and the tone it uses is 100% correct for at least one segment of the lottery playing community. Watching the locals play their numbers with such specific purpose and chronology is both mildly hypnotic and terrifying.


Baltimore?  Hell, try the entire state!

/I know because my mom had a system when we lived there
//came close to winning $50K, but she mixed her numbers up at the last second
 
2013-06-18 09:57:53 PM  
Why does it always seem like those who least deserve to win the lottery inevitably do?

/I never hear of a lottery winner going on to become a major business owner...
//I rarely play. Stupid tax and all that.
 
2013-06-18 10:09:30 PM  
Ok, yeah, whatever. How about if my numbers add up to the same number as the winning numbers. How much do I win then?
 
2013-06-18 10:25:38 PM  
I have a friend that buys the ticket for the company pool.  He buys a second ticket with the same set of numbers just incase they do win so he will get more.
 
2013-06-18 10:54:53 PM  

ajgeek: Why does it always seem like those who least deserve to win the lottery inevitably do?

/I never hear of a lottery winner going on to become a major business owner...
//I rarely play. Stupid tax and all that.


I'd assume the people clever enough to do that have either built up their business already without needing millions in capital or if they win manage to stay anonymous and everyone thinks they are a self made businessman.

/The Euro jackpot here is now up to £141 million. That's $220 million. Lump sum. Tax free.
//You'd have to win a US "Jackpot" of about $750 million to equal that.
///And you can chose to stay anonymous if you want.
////Still odds of a hundred million to one against winning.
 
2013-06-19 12:01:18 AM  
I've got my system down pat:  Quick pick on the Mega Millions.  I love to dream about winning the lottery and this is cheap entertainment, but I'd rather lose $1 playing the lottery than $2.
 
2013-06-19 12:08:19 AM  
This has long been one of my favorite reads. I'm glad they updated it.
 
2013-06-19 12:10:27 AM  
Keep swinging that chicken.
 
2013-06-19 12:14:47 AM  
Operating under the assumption that we're living in an advanced computer simulation, I'm busy going through old Lotto numbers to determine the weak spot in the random number generator.

Yeah no luck yet, but one day....
 
2013-06-19 12:19:47 AM  
"Praying does not increase your chances of winning."
 
2013-06-19 12:28:37 AM  
I read this like a year ago.... the thought to submit it never crossed my mind. All it takes to get greenlit is to quote random old shiat? Well damn, maybe I should try this link submission thing after all. I can go quote the Apple ToS which says you can't use their technology to make nuclear bombs. I think I'm figuring this thing out!
 
2013-06-19 12:30:22 AM  

Flint Ironstag: I'd assume the people clever enough to do that have either built up their business already without needing millions in capital or if they win manage to stay anonymous and everyone thinks they are a self made businessman.


Can't accept a winning like that anonymously here in the States. Supposedly, it is a transparency thing, so they wouldn't just be "claimed" by the lottery
 
2013-06-19 12:30:46 AM  
Powerball FAQ: You are going to LOSE!
 
2013-06-19 12:47:38 AM  

LoneWolf343: Flint Ironstag: I'd assume the people clever enough to do that have either built up their business already without needing millions in capital or if they win manage to stay anonymous and everyone thinks they are a self made businessman.

Can't accept a winning like that anonymously here in the States. Supposedly, it is a transparency thing, so they wouldn't just be "claimed" by the lottery


Yes you can ... at least here in Ohio ... Powerball and Mega Millions can both be claimed anonymously.
 
2013-06-19 12:48:01 AM  

ajgeek: Why does it always seem like those who least deserve to win the lottery inevitably do?

/I never hear of a lottery winner going on to become a major business owner...
//I rarely play. Stupid tax and all that.


The winning numbers are decided by the most chaotic and low level rules of physics. Value judgments about who deserves what don't exist there.

That, and people who we think of as deserving probably aren't playing. Not to mention there are probably fewer deserving people in existence to begin with.
 
2013-06-19 01:00:45 AM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: Operating under the assumption that we're living in an advanced computer simulation, I'm busy going through old Lotto numbers to determine the weak spot in the random number generator.

Yeah no luck yet, but one day....


once when the jackpot got way up my boss had a spreadsheet of all the old winning numbers trying to discern a pattern.
 
2013-06-19 01:02:04 AM  

gameshowhost: "Praying does not increase your chances of winning."


You also have to buy a ticket.
 
2013-06-19 01:05:06 AM  
However, releasing caged birds and seeing where they fly totally works.
 
2013-06-19 01:08:13 AM  
DO POWERBALL TICKETS EXPIRE?

Yes. The Universe is decaying and nothing lasts forever. Ticket expiration periods vary from state to state - from 90 days to one year. They may also change from time to time. The back of your ticket will often give the expiration period for your state. If it is not on the back of your ticket, you might check with your state lottery by using the map. For obvious reasons, we don't want to give you wrong information about the time frame for cashing tickets with your lottery. In rare cases, your elected officials will change the expiration period (sometimes they run out of other stuff to vote on).

lulz
 
2013-06-19 01:12:59 AM  
I marveled at the Powerball FAQ's humor long ago, but it didn't occur to me to submit it to Fark.  I apologize for my selfishness, brothers and sisters.
 
2013-06-19 01:33:26 AM  
"Swinging a live chicken above your head while wishing for the future numbers does NOT work."


img.fark.net


"Cluck you!"
 
2013-06-19 01:38:24 AM  
There is a whole nother page with actual mail they received:

FROM CAROLINA B: Hi, I understand that if you win, and you've bought a powerplay, then your winnings will be multiplied by the powerplay number. BUT, this is what I do not understand. Suppose that I buy a powerplay of 5, but the powerplay number for the week is only 2. Would I still get up to 2 x my normal winnings OR would my powerplay number have to match the powerplay number exactly to win the multiples. Please respond like you're talking to a little child, because in this instance, I need for you to place the info on the lower shelf so I will understand. Many thanks for your time.


Ok, here goes.

Imagine that you are walking through the woods on a nice bright sunny day. The birds are singing and you are chasing a flutterby (that's really what they used to be called and I like it better than the new name - butterfly) and, all of sudden, you find yourself standing in front a dark cave.

The cave is as dark as your scary closet was when you were a child and you can see nothing at all - even though you squint really hard. You move a litle closer until you can feel the cool air coming the cave and you are suddenly filled with fear. You think that there is a dragon in the cave. Your fear takes over and you run home, as fast as you can, looking behind you every few steps to see if there is a dragon getting closer.

For years, you think about the dragon in the cave. Finally, as you get older and a little braver, you get up enough courage to go into the cave, and you find . . .

Nothing.

There is no dragon. Nothing. It was just an idea that you had somehow. No one else believed there was a dragon. No one else told you there was a dragon. You just thought it up and that thing you just thought up kept you from going into the forest. Sometimes, people think of things that stop them from going somewhere or even from understanding something. They invent a brick wall that they cannot get by. To move forward or to understand, they must first forget what they "know".

Just like you worrying about picking the correct PowerPlay number. There is no dragon, there is no PowerPlay number that you need to pick. There is nothing to worry about.

You only buy the option and then your ticket says something like "PowerPlay Option: YES". Just before the Powerball drawing, we draw the multiplier number. There is an equal chance to draw 2X, 3X, 4X, or 5X (and sometimes a 10X). You don't have to match the PowerPlay number at all. You just multiply your prizes by whatever number we draw.

And everyone lived happily ever after.
 
2013-06-19 01:54:09 AM  
Kapparot does not work that way.
 
2013-06-19 03:22:37 AM  

RealAmericanHero: I read this like a year ago.... the thought to submit it never crossed my mind. All it takes to get greenlit is to quote random old shiat? Well damn, maybe I should try this link submission thing after all. I can go quote the Apple ToS which says you can't use their technology to make nuclear bombs. I think I'm figuring this thing out!


Waa waa waa waa.  this person submitted something I enjoyed but didnt think to submit.  waa.  waa waa waa.
 
2013-06-19 04:56:19 AM  
www.hollywoodmemorabilia.com

What about sacrificing it?
 
2013-06-19 06:26:25 AM  
I had a vivid dream last night that I won the lottery. 4 million. I'm going to buy a ticket today. It couldn't hurt.
 
2013-06-19 06:43:08 AM  
Well, of course the chicken thing doesn't work. That's just witchcraft and superstition. You have to interpret the entrails of a kid goat sacrificed to Baal. Or, failing that, just read your horoscope in the newspaper.
 
2013-06-19 07:26:15 AM  
They gave some excellent advice in there: buy 35 tickets with a different Powerball number and you will have a winning ticket!

$4 minimum! Woot!
 
2013-06-19 09:07:14 AM  

sxacho: I had a vivid dream last night that I won the lottery. 4 million. I'm going to buy a ticket today. It couldn't hurt.


Well, you'll most likely be out $1.

Now, the value you place on the entertainment you get from having a tangible (albeit unlikely) chance to win a few million dollars? That's up to you. If it's worth less than a buck, then you've lost whatever the difference is between the value you assign that dream and the price of a ticket.
 
2013-06-19 09:25:15 AM  

Gonz: sxacho: I had a vivid dream last night that I won the lottery. 4 million. I'm going to buy a ticket today. It couldn't hurt.

Well, you'll most likely be out $1.

Now, the value you place on the entertainment you get from having a tangible (albeit unlikely) chance to win a few million dollars? That's up to you. If it's worth less than a buck, then you've lost whatever the difference is between the value you assign that dream and the price of a ticket.


$1 barely gets my car to the end of the road.  Spending $1 on the lotto a few times a year is not going to bankrupt anyone.  However, when the person in front of my at the gas station buys $75 worth of lotto tickets, I have to wonder where, exactly, is their sanity.
 
2013-06-19 10:03:41 AM  
Poor tax, that is all.
 
2013-06-19 10:15:01 AM  
Always works for me.

img.fark.net
 
2013-06-19 10:27:24 AM  
A FAQ?  Really?  Come on, now.  Realy really?
 
2013-06-19 01:28:35 PM  
I guess somebody witnessed the Jewish custom of  Kapparot and figured that that was Jewish money getting magic.

img.fark.net img.fark.net
 
2013-06-19 01:31:01 PM  

seadoo2006: LoneWolf343: Flint Ironstag: I'd assume the people clever enough to do that have either built up their business already without needing millions in capital or if they win manage to stay anonymous and everyone thinks they are a self made businessman.

Can't accept a winning like that anonymously here in the States. Supposedly, it is a transparency thing, so they wouldn't just be "claimed" by the lottery

Yes you can ... at least here in Ohio ... Powerball and Mega Millions can both be claimed anonymously.


Most states you can set up a blind trust and have the trust accept it. That way legally you can stay hidden from most of the yahoos
 
2013-06-20 07:13:11 AM  
what if you eat Church's chicken will that make me win
 
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