If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Reuters)   Nigella Lawson's husband cautioned for assault. If they pepper sprayed him, we could've roasted him in the skillet for ten minutes and have some perfectly seasoned "roasted asshole"   (reuters.com) divider line 121
    More: Dumbass, Nigel Lawson, husband cautioned, Infraction, celebrity chef, London Evening Standard, English law  
•       •       •

2084 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 18 Jun 2013 at 10:13 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



121 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-06-18 10:20:09 AM  
You have to tenderize the meat properly
 
2013-06-18 10:22:25 AM  
Caution. A perfectly applied term to a yellow-bellied coward.
 
2013-06-18 10:23:42 AM  
Playful tiff my fat white ass.

Grabbing one's wife around the neck while she cries "to make a point" is NOT what a decent human being will do. That's the act of a sorry sack of shiat.
 
2013-06-18 10:24:04 AM  
No amount of tenderizing would make that gamey old bird palatable.

Seriously, he's a jackass. And the photos of him choking her make me wonder how often he does this kind of thing in private.
 
2013-06-18 10:24:04 AM  
I'd choke Nigella, if you know what I dream.
 
2013-06-18 10:24:10 AM  
"There was no grip. It was a playful tiff. The pictures are horrific but give a far more drastic and violent impression of what took place," said Saatchi, who ran the world's largest advertising agency Saatchi & Saatchi with his brother in the 1980s.

"Nigella's tears were because we both hate arguing, not because she had been hurt."


i1.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-06-18 10:24:37 AM  

IdBeCrazyIf: You have to tenderize the meat properly


I'd tenderize her, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.
 
2013-06-18 10:25:06 AM  
Has anyone found the pictures in question?  I think my Google-fu is busted.
 
2013-06-18 10:26:17 AM  
She left and needs to stay gone. Once an abuser, always an abuser.
 
2013-06-18 10:28:27 AM  

lesliessexxy: Has anyone found the pictures in question?  I think my Google-fu is busted.


www.womenzmag.com

While definitely not a playful tif, it's not like he was going full south Boston on her
 
2013-06-18 10:29:04 AM  

lesliessexxy: Has anyone found the pictures in question?  I think my Google-fu is busted.


http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/nigella-lawson-photos-see-shock in g-1955564
 
2013-06-18 10:31:00 AM  
 
2013-06-18 10:31:33 AM  
twscritic.files.wordpress.com

I believe that's a technical foul....

/plus you have to listen to Spike Lee jaw at you for 10 minutes....
 
2013-06-18 10:32:16 AM  
On a more serious note, this guy's own comments blow away any doubt I might have still harbored after seeing the pictures that he's an abusive person.

First of all, you don't grab anybody by the throat during an argument with any grip unless you intend to cause harm or intimidation. There is NO "playful" throat-grabbing during an argument. Ever. Full stop.

Second of all, you don't make excuses like that. "she hates arguing" is just another form of "she fell down the stairs". You're farking lying. She was crying either because you were choking her or she was legitimately frightened you would choke her.

If this guy doesn't outright beat women, I'd be quite surprised, but I find it virtually impossible to believe, after reading his comments, that he doesn't at "least" have an emotionally abusive streak.

FOAD and you leathery old scrotum. I hope the next time you try that tough guy bullshiat it's on somebody who will fight back and they break your goddamn neck for your trouble.
 
2013-06-18 10:34:01 AM  
The photo they ran from an earlier argument, where he put his hand over her mouth, is pretty telling. People who do that are control freaks with toddler impulses.
 
2013-06-18 10:35:14 AM  
You mean I've been misled by internet pron that this isn't a highly enjoyable activity for women?
 
2013-06-18 10:36:08 AM  
This is not a bookmark for a Nigella thread.
 
2013-06-18 10:36:52 AM  
How much money do you have to have to be "cautioned" for assault as opposed to  arrested for assault like the common prole? Throw him in jail where he belongs.
 
2013-06-18 10:37:44 AM  
Also, all these witnesses have said what a scary, uncomfortable scene it was, but nobody was willing to step in or at least call the police? C'mon, people.
 
2013-06-18 10:38:14 AM  
thelaughbutton.com
"Come here so I can hold your neck so I can make a point."
 
2013-06-18 10:38:50 AM  
In other news, Jessica Simpson explains the joy of single life.

i42.photobucket.com
 
2013-06-18 10:41:51 AM  
God.  It's like you can't role play in public anymore.

I'm there for you Ni-Ni.  I'll be your rebound.  You like that rough stuff, don't you.  Yeah you do.
 
2013-06-18 10:44:00 AM  
When is he getting the Choking Nigella tattoo on his neck?
 
2013-06-18 10:44:58 AM  
IdBeCrazyIf:

DrKillPatient:

someonelse:


I'm hugging all of you. <3
 
2013-06-18 10:49:33 AM  
He forgot that you can only choke your biatch in private now.
 
2013-06-18 10:51:18 AM  

kwame: In other news, Jessica Simpson explains the joy of single life.

[i42.photobucket.com image 400x600]


So that means David Carradine took an argument too far
 
2013-06-18 10:52:42 AM  
I would not grab her neck.

imgace.com
 
2013-06-18 10:56:10 AM  

Cletus C.: I would not grab her neck.


I like this picture and all but after the choking ones up thread I'm to too depressed.

Asshole should be in jail.
 
2013-06-18 10:56:40 AM  

Cletus C.: I would not grab her neck.

[imgace.com image 650x977]


I'd grab her muffin, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.

/there's a nice double going on there
//and in my statement, muffin could mean two things, too.
 
2013-06-18 11:06:16 AM  
Looks like "King Arthur and the White Knights of the Round Table" up in this biatch.
 
2013-06-18 11:08:22 AM  
Well you wanted the powerful old rich man, lady. Think he got that way by being nice?
 
2013-06-18 11:10:44 AM  
I think Saatchi's greater crime was making Damien Hirst.
 
2013-06-18 11:11:06 AM  

IdBeCrazyIf: lesliessexxy: Has anyone found the pictures in question?  I think my Google-fu is busted.

[www.womenzmag.com image 500x331]

While definitely not a playful tif, it's not like he was going full south Boston on her


What next: Irish sunglasses?
 
2013-06-18 11:12:48 AM  
i2.mirror.co.uk


Look out Harry!!! It's Snape. He's going for his wand....
 
2013-06-18 11:14:43 AM  
say what you will about the old scumbag,  that is an AWESOME facebook pic.


i1.mirror.co.uk
 
2013-06-18 11:15:18 AM  

highrye: I think Saatchi's greater crime was making Damien Hirst.



I suspect most would top that with getting Thatcher elected.
 
2013-06-18 11:18:07 AM  
The odd thing for me is that not only was this in public, but on the veranda of a heavily paparazzied restaurant.

That's weird even for the most prolific abuser. As a man in his 70s, it makes me think of the classic symptoms of early-mid-stage Alzheimer's or other dementia.
 
2013-06-18 11:20:04 AM  

Cletus C.: I would not grab her neck.

[imgace.com image 650x977]


I choked myself after looking at that picture.
 
2013-06-18 11:27:13 AM  

someonelse: Also, all these witnesses have said what a scary, uncomfortable scene it was, but nobody was willing to step in or at least call the police? C'mon, people.


Who would be stupid enough to get in the middle of a fight between a husband and wife?

That's a sure recipe to be on the receiving end of an asskicking from the both of them.
 
2013-06-18 11:27:27 AM  
Please stop marrying rich assholes, ladies.
 
2013-06-18 11:28:00 AM  

Bungles: The odd thing for me is that not only was this in public, but on the veranda of a heavily paparazzied restaurant.

That's weird even for the most prolific abuser. As a man in his 70s, it makes me think of the classic symptoms of early-mid-stage Alzheimer's or other dementia.


I wondered about that, too. It could be that as a super rich person, he's accustomed to having his way.
 
2013-06-18 11:29:14 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: someonelse: Also, all these witnesses have said what a scary, uncomfortable scene it was, but nobody was willing to step in or at least call the police? C'mon, people.

Who would be stupid enough to get in the middle of a fight between a husband and wife?

That's a sure recipe to be on the receiving end of an asskicking from the both of them.


Exactly. Call the police, sure. Maybe snap pics or video to document it. But step in? Not unless it was screamingly obvious that he would be about to murder her. The damaged emotional health of a battered spouse is usually one that will have them defending their abusers. That's not something I care to get in the middle of.
 
2013-06-18 11:31:16 AM  
Could have been worse.  Nigella's husband could be a Sith:

i78.photobucket.com

"Don't make me Force choke a b*tch!"
 
2013-06-18 11:32:34 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: someonelse: Also, all these witnesses have said what a scary, uncomfortable scene it was, but nobody was willing to step in or at least call the police? C'mon, people.

Who would be stupid enough to get in the middle of a fight between a husband and wife?

That's a sure recipe to be on the receiving end of an asskicking from the both of them.


I've called the cops on a guy who was yelling at his girlfriend in a parked car and punching the headrest next to her head. I didn't think of it at butting into a private argument at that point, and I still don't. I don't see any difference here.
 
2013-06-18 11:35:43 AM  
"Caution for assault"? What did they tell him, watch out for people with cameras?
 
2013-06-18 11:40:42 AM  

highrye: I think Saatchi's greater crime was making Damien Hirst.


And all of the Young British Artists, really.
 
2013-06-18 11:41:43 AM  
And I wouldn't say "greater" crime. Let's just say he's well-rounded in his douchebaggery.
 
2013-06-18 11:45:21 AM  

Richard Roma: Please stop marrying rich assholes, ladies.


B-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-but he's really nice!

*GAAAAACK*

I CAN'T BREATHE

DUDE WHAT THE fark
 
2013-06-18 11:47:48 AM  
That's not fair to her husband. As a soldier in the Marine Core, he went through hell in basic training...


i3.ytimg.com
 
2013-06-18 12:04:55 PM  

skozlaw: FOAD and you leathery old scrotum. I hope the next time you try that tough guy bullshiat it's on somebody who will fight back and they break your goddamn neck for your trouble.


yeah, pretty much this.

your jib, i like the cut.


TheShavingofOccam123: That's not fair to her husband. As a soldier in the Marine Core, he went through hell in basic training...


[i3.ytimg.com image 372x300]


heh.  just re-watched that again.  awesome movie.

/now pick up yer farkin' cover...
 
Displayed 50 of 121 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report