If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(New Scientist)   I don't want to alarm anyone, but scientists think that the Atlantic Ocean might be dying   (newscientist.com) divider line 119
    More: PSA  
•       •       •

14970 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jun 2013 at 5:54 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



119 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-06-17 05:28:45 PM
This whole earth is pretty doomed.

/until population control is on the table, it will only be a matter of time
 
2013-06-17 05:36:12 PM
It's the midwest's fault.  We got sick of the wrong coast calling us flyover country, so we took it and hid it in Iowa.  Who's the flyover country now, biatches?
 
2013-06-17 05:47:12 PM
What this sort of scientist might look like:

bbsimg.ngfiles.com
 
2013-06-17 05:56:13 PM
I understand it's just a pond anyway....
 
2013-06-17 05:58:33 PM
RIP.
 
2013-06-17 05:59:35 PM
So....the gist of the article is that scientists think that the same thing that's always happened is still happening?  Shocking.
 
2013-06-17 05:59:46 PM
Everybody panic.  NOW.  3. 2. 1. Go.  Now.  Panic.  It's time, on your mark, get set, GO!  Panic.
 
2013-06-17 06:01:08 PM
So does that mean the Atlantic is going to get shallower and the East Coasters won't have to worry about the sea level rising after all?
 
2013-06-17 06:02:22 PM

basemetal: This whole earth is pretty doomed.

/until population control is on the table, it will only be a matter of time



Even with population control, we are on a clock. Even if we manage to keep from killing ourselves, avoid asteroid impacts and worse, the sun is only gonna last so long.
 
2013-06-17 06:05:31 PM
A tectonic fault killed Atlantis?
 
2013-06-17 06:05:49 PM

TheThirdViceroy: So....the gist of the article is that scientists think that the same thing that's always happened is still happening?  Shocking.


Al gore will write a PowerPoint about this and win a Nobel prize.
 
2013-06-17 06:06:49 PM
fc02.deviantart.net

'Do you want to know why Morpheus?'
 
2013-06-17 06:08:02 PM

fusillade762: So does that mean the Atlantic is going to get shallower and the East Coasters won't have to worry about the sea level rising after all?


Someday men--or what one day evolves from men--will dream of scaling the mountains of Florida and seeing fossilized Jewish retirees embedded in the rock. And New New New New New York will be built at a higher elevation than Denver.
 
2013-06-17 06:08:02 PM
F'd if I care. I'm from the west coast. The Pacific was totes better.
 
2013-06-17 06:09:45 PM
Last I heard, it was expected that the Mid-Atlantic Ridge would eventually disappear in a new subduction under Eastern North America, and a new mountain range was supposed to form when Europe (re?) collided with America.
 
2013-06-17 06:10:24 PM
I blame New Jersey and Snookie for all the obvious reasons.
 
2013-06-17 06:10:41 PM
It's complicated.

Boffins find evidence Atlantic Ocean has started closing

Newly-appearing subduction zones are, Dr Duarte added, to be expected as part of Earth's "super-continent cycle" that sees much of earth's land come together in very large continents. That cycle takes 300m to 500m years, and Dr Duarte said he thinks the appearance of the new subduction zone off Portugal shows that the process continues and that the Atlantic will one day become part of a new super-continent.

If you are still alive in a few hundred million years you might care.
 
2013-06-17 06:10:51 PM
Whose fault is this?
 
2013-06-17 06:11:01 PM
Bull(cough) Bull(cough-cough)

This calls for major federal grants all around the world! More grants! Really big grants! We must have grants! Grants grants grants grants! GDit, call the US for grant money right now. They'll pay for everything!

/grants
 
2013-06-17 06:13:49 PM
tenpoundsofcheese (farkied: It ain't cheese): Al gore herpity derp derp derp

DRINK!
 
2013-06-17 06:19:01 PM
João Duarte at Monash University in Melbourne, Australia.
Australia, surrounded by the Pacific Ocean (and Indian Ocean various named Seas, etc).

The Pacific Ocean laughs in your general direction.
 
2013-06-17 06:21:37 PM
This isnt really a disaster scenario though... Its plate tectonics.. sooo whats happening at all times anyway...
 
2013-06-17 06:22:13 PM
These are probably the same "Scientists" who think dinosaurs went extinct millions of years before Jesus' time. Or that don't believe that the sun is actually a god.
 
2013-06-17 06:22:45 PM
How can an ocean die?
 
2013-06-17 06:23:09 PM
But where will we get our soylent green from?!?! whar?!?!
 
2013-06-17 06:24:29 PM
Oh, jeez, I'm so worried.  Hitler just announced that he's instituting some new policy about herpaderp and he's accusing yet another neighbor of Germany of committing outrages and rattling his saber.  Just like he has since he came to power 5 years ago.

EVERYBODY PANIC.

*finger twirl*
 
2013-06-17 06:24:50 PM

Clemkadidlefark: Bull(cough) Bull(cough-cough)

This calls for major federal grants all around the world! More grants! Really big grants! We must have grants! Grants grants grants grants! GDit, call the US for grant money right now. They'll pay for everything!

/grants


Yeah if you want to receive lots of money without much effort, become a scientist. Also, you can use grant money to buy a yacht.
 
2013-06-17 06:25:06 PM

basemetal: This whole earth is pretty doomed.
/until population control is on the table, it will only be a matter of time

YAWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
citation?
and did you actually mean homo sapiens is doomed?
please be slightly more concise.

THIS IS FARK for fsm sake.

emersonbiggins: Whose fault is this?


Brick-House: I blame New Jersey and Snookie for all the obvious reasons.


LOL
 
2013-06-17 06:27:18 PM

basemetal: This whole earth is pretty doomed.

/until population control is on the table, it will only be a matter of time


This
 
2013-06-17 06:27:52 PM

Ilmarinen: How can an ocean die?


Gee, that seems like the kind of question that could be easily answered by reading the article. You probably wouldn't even need to read the whole article. Quite possibly your question could be answered in the fourth sentence of the article. In fact, if you had spent as much time reading the article as you spent reading this reply, you wouldn't even have had to ask the question.
 
2013-06-17 06:28:10 PM

namatad: please be slightly more concise.


?
 
2013-06-17 06:30:09 PM
Another investment opportunity
to pull over on the sycophants .
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com

.
// Gore's climax  face.
 
2013-06-17 06:33:41 PM

devine: basemetal: This whole earth is pretty doomed.

/until population control is on the table, it will only be a matter of time


Even with population control, we are on a clock. Even if we manage to keep from killing ourselves, avoid asteroid impacts and worse, the sun is only gonna last so long.


Do you think there will be humans in 5 billion years? Maybe our godlike machine descendants in some form or another, but I doubt they could be called human.
 
2013-06-17 06:37:02 PM

Krieghund: Ilmarinen: How can an ocean die?

Gee, that seems like the kind of question that could be easily answered by reading the article. You probably wouldn't even need to read the whole article. Quite possibly your question could be answered in the fourth sentence of the article. In fact, if you had spent as much time reading the article as you spent reading this reply, you wouldn't even have had to ask the question.


Haha, I figured that would be the case. Sorry, just wanted to be that guy for once.

/simple entertainment
//lives on the other side of the dying ocean so it's already late over here, ok?
 
2013-06-17 06:37:29 PM
Thanks a lot Obama
 
2013-06-17 06:38:11 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-06-17 06:38:28 PM
Does Obamacare cover pre-existing subduction zones?
 
2013-06-17 06:39:03 PM
Every thing dies in the universe. That is the way.
 
2013-06-17 06:40:21 PM
Given that we're talking about geological time periods, I'm not going to panic just yet. Hell, I'm not sure H. sapiens will need to panic - by the time it becomes an issue, whatever comes after H. sapiens will be the ones to deal with it.

It's not climate change, after all.
 
2013-06-17 06:45:11 PM

Brick-House: I blame New Jersey and Snookie for all the obvious reasons.


ffffffffffffff that benny biatch is not from Jersey.

I do think Port Elizabeth is partly to blame though.
 
2013-06-17 06:52:01 PM

Ilmarinen: How can an ocean die?


It's very simple.  Kill off the algae blooms with near coast watershed with fertilizer poisons.  It spreads like Colony collapse in bees.  Once the algae is gone, the plankton dies, and so on up the foodchain it goes.
Walking Dead!  Ta-Da!
 
2013-06-17 06:55:22 PM
Is this really useful info if you can't make someone feel guilty about it?
 
2013-06-17 06:55:50 PM
The sun is dying, too.

And OH MY farkING GOD, every single human alive is also dying!

/Just saying.
 
2013-06-17 06:57:37 PM
I think my education covered this 20 years ago in high school earth science.  The Pacific is growing the Atlantic is shrinking and in 300 million years you'll be able to take a train from New York to London.
 
2013-06-17 06:58:30 PM
*Reads the comments*

/Swims away sadly.
 
2013-06-17 06:58:33 PM

Mock26: The sun is dying, too.

And OH MY farkING GOD, every single human alive is also dying!

/Just saying.


Immortal cell lines are a real thing.

Not long before we have living heads in jars, now.
 
2013-06-17 07:00:55 PM
And yet soylent green production is still holding steady despite the drop in plankton life.

I wonder how they managed to stretch their supply so much?
 
2013-06-17 07:02:57 PM

Tom_Slick: I think my education covered this 20 years ago in high school earth science.  The Pacific is growing the Atlantic is shrinking and in 300 million years you'll be able to take a train from New York to London.


If I were human, I'd be a lot less worried about dying oceans, and a lot more worried about the dying coral reefs.

If I were human.
 
2013-06-17 07:06:10 PM
Phase One - Obama uses his time machine to go back to Atlantis, 9000 years ago, and get himself elected High Priest of Poseidon.

Phase Two - The God is full wroth and strikes the sea and the land with earthquakes and tsunamis.

Phase Three - Obama introduces national health insurance causing the Atlanteans to become slothful and wicked and dependent on government handouts and government white elephants. A extension of the Mediterranean sub-duction zone forms beneath Atlantis, several hundred miles to the South West of  what is now Portugal as Poseidon's Divine Rage breaks the brittle ancient crust.

Phase Four - Atlantis sinks beneath the sea when Obama bans sales of guns and ammo except to sane, responsible adults who have a Democratic membership or Union card.

Phase Five - In 1755, the City of Lisbon is struck by a massive earthquake because Poseidon is incensed by the Philosophes of Paris and the religious tolerance of Amsterdam, orchestrated by a suspiciously off-white Irishman by the name of Baruck H. O'Bama.

Phase Six - in 1968, Poseidon is once again infuriated by liberalism in Europe and America and hits Lisbon again (because it is closest to hand and full of Socialists). Obama is seen smoking a joint in Madrid.

Phase Seven - Portugal falls into the Ocean as the subduction zone starts to swallow Oceanic crust, pulling the Americas, Europe and Africa together. Obama proposes the building of a Bridge, but instead of a good bridge to Nowhere, like the Republicans want, it is a wicked and unnatural bridge between New York City and Paris, which is full of Commies waiting to invade London and America as soon as the continents join up.

Phase Eight - Obama shows up again as President of Cuba. He rams Cuba into Florida until it comes to a full stop about half way through and takes over America's exposed southern flank while French Commies wade across to Nova Scotia and invade through Canada.

Phase Nine - Poseidon, furious at the loss of an ocean, even though it is his fault, rams the continents together into one giant supercontinent, which Obama names Obamaramallamadingdong. That's spelled with two l's.

Obama forces everybody to become Buddhists and to wear the colour yellow to symbolize how cowardly humans have become, what with Poseidon on the rampage everywhere. At this point, Zeus has had enough and hits his brother with a gigantic bolt of lightning blasting him all the way to Hades. And the hole it makes splits up the continents and the cycle of continental drift begins anew, as it has many times before.
 
2013-06-17 07:09:04 PM
I'll bury a time capsule filled only with ranting letters about how some countries should have stayed on their own goddamn hemisphere. I'll be the Socrates of 450,002,013 AD
 
Displayed 50 of 119 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report