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(Anchorage Daily News)   Man gets mauled by a black bear after he throws pieces of barbecued meat at it. Why yes, he had been drinking   (adn.com) divider line 92
    More: Dumbass, Alaska State Troopers, bear attacks, Beth Ipsen  
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9296 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jun 2013 at 9:59 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-17 08:39:28 AM
i25.photobucket.com
 
2013-06-17 08:46:26 AM
t0.gstatic.com
was it this bear?
 
2013-06-17 09:02:24 AM
The man threw a piece of meat at the bear, which ate it, she said. Then he offered another piece, she said.

This is what happens when you forget you're made of delicious meat.
 
2013-06-17 10:01:27 AM
did he first ask somebody to hold his beer?
 
2013-06-17 10:01:46 AM
Bear probably prefers his meat beer-marinated.
 
2013-06-17 10:01:56 AM
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
 
2013-06-17 10:02:53 AM
Sure, make sure everybody knows it was a black bear.

/that's racist!
 
2013-06-17 10:03:58 AM
He was just giving him a big hug.
 
2013-06-17 10:04:29 AM
www.biography.com


Dude, ya ain't gonna smarten them up by simply brushing them back.  You have to dot em every now and then.
 
2013-06-17 10:06:31 AM
Hey subby, the article doesn't actually say whether the bear had been drinking.  Nice sensationalist headline you've got there.
 
2013-06-17 10:06:42 AM
There's no indication that the bear will attack other humans unless Darwin throws her another idiot, he said.
 
2013-06-17 10:07:20 AM
i1151.photobucket.com
I ain't no bear! I just can't stand to see food wasted like that and got ornery!
 
2013-06-17 10:07:34 AM

monkwich: did he first ask somebody to hold his beer?


I've frequently been the beer holder in the "dude, hold my beer" scenario.  I've tried to determine exactly what purpose I fit in.  I used to think I was holding the beer as a deposit, to be withdrawn on demand...

but, after many such deposits, I came to realize that often injuries would occur, destroying the despositer's opportunity to ever retrieve the beer.  Since opened beer has a short life span, I've been brought to an uncomfortable threshold... what to do with the beer?  Do I hold it until it goes flat/warm?  or do I break the bonds of deposit, and drink it up upon notice that no one is coming back for this beer?

So, instead of the moral crisis of breach of beer vs. breach of contract... I have recharacterized the "hold my beer" relationship.  It is beer in escrow.  Upon successful completion of the idiot event, the beer is returned.  however, if the idiot event ruins the day, then the beer in escrow is turned over for consumption, as payment for inconvenience, to the holder.
 
2013-06-17 10:09:04 AM
The bear was disgusted by the knock-off bullseye barbeque sauce
 
2013-06-17 10:15:18 AM
You never want to teach a bear that you are a source of food.
 
2013-06-17 10:15:40 AM
Huh. Stopped off at Mirror Lake To use the restroom right about this time. Think I may have seen this guy ( the bike rider, not the bear ) pre-mauling stage.
 
2013-06-17 10:17:38 AM
He's expected to face two charges of feeding wild life.  One for the bbq, one for himself.
 
2013-06-17 10:18:25 AM

Billy Bathsalt: The bear was disgusted by the knock-off bullseye barbeque sauce


and the fact that the piece of meat was a little overcooked for his taste.

"I said MEDIUM-ROAAAAR!"
 
2013-06-17 10:18:31 AM
i3.ytimg.com

Do NOT mess with Sasquatch!

/dnrtfa
 
2013-06-17 10:19:02 AM
Probably Kraft Brand BBQ.
 
2013-06-17 10:19:19 AM
One more time:

When you feed a DOMESTICATED animal, it will think, "OMG you are my bestest friend FOREVER!"

When you feed a WILD animal, it will think, "Hey, this thing is edible! I wonder if I can kill it and make a new food cache."
 
2013-06-17 10:20:08 AM
Yeah, I've been to a couple church picnics where I'd rather be drunk and mauled by a bear.
 
2013-06-17 10:22:57 AM
i266.photobucket.com

Thanks pueblonative . I have a new desktop to replace the Laughing Man logo/quote.
 
2013-06-17 10:31:25 AM
Of course, the bear wanted Memphis dry rub:
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com

/Hot like a food thread troll.
 
2013-06-17 10:31:33 AM
They're unable to release the guy's name because he might be charged with feeding a bear, but they're not sure what what happened... wha?

They have a pretty specific version of events: "I gave this bear some bbq and it beat the shiat out of me."

Not that I need to know this farker's name, just... weird
 
2013-06-17 10:33:50 AM
And don't ever feed a grizzly bear a marshmallow like "this"
 
2013-06-17 10:36:57 AM
Feeding a bear is sentencing IT to death far more ofthen then yourself to death.

It get a taste for our awesome food concoctions and associates populated areas with tasty food and before long wildlife officers have to shoot it.

Black bears are smart mofos -- up in High Level AB a bear figured out how to open car doors and it walked down a town street testing locks and looking for food. It opened 70 cars.  -- And when black bears look for food in cars that means they crawl in and tear it to shiat and taste everything in the car. Like your steering wheel and your seats (the salt from your hands and back sweat tastes good to them)

in nature their diet is something like 90-95% plant matter anyways -- you shouldn't worry a black bear is going to eat you... More likely its pissed off your walking around disrespecting his turf...
 
2013-06-17 10:43:37 AM
I would think the meat would have sated his hunger.
 
2013-06-17 10:44:43 AM
Dude, hold m'ah beer an watch this..
 
2013-06-17 10:47:21 AM
I'm pretty sure the word "maul" specifically means to be killed by an animal. It's like drowned or electrocuted. You are mauled if you die. This man was simply attacked by a bear.
 
2013-06-17 10:48:08 AM

mikefinch: Feeding a bear is sentencing IT to death far more ofthen then yourself to death.

It get a taste for our awesome food concoctions and associates populated areas with tasty food and before long wildlife officers have to shoot it.

Black bears are smart mofos -- up in High Level AB a bear figured out how to open car doors and it walked down a town street testing locks and looking for food. It opened 70 cars.  -- And when black bears look for food in cars that means they crawl in and tear it to shiat and taste everything in the car. Like your steering wheel and your seats (the salt from your hands and back sweat tastes good to them)

in nature their diet is something like 90-95% plant matter anyways -- you shouldn't worry a black bear is going to eat you... More likely its pissed off your walking around disrespecting his turf...


Correct.  Now on the other hand, brown bear scat is full of little bells and smells like pepper spray.

/oblig
 
2013-06-17 10:52:02 AM

mikefinch: Black bears are smart mofos -- up in High Level AB a bear figured out how to open car doors and it walked down a town street testing locks and looking for food.


A friend of mine once told me that there is considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest humans in Yosemite. Bears can also read-- "Igloo", "Coleman", etc.
 
2013-06-17 10:53:08 AM

Tommy Moo


I'm pretty sure the word "maul" specifically means to be killed by an animal. It's like drowned or electrocuted. You are mauled if you die.


Incorrect. From www.merriam-webster.com:


2maul
transitive verb
Definition of MAUL
1
: beat, bruise
2
: mangle 1
3
: to handle roughly
- maul·er noun
Examples of MAUL

A bear killed one hiker and badly mauled the other.
 
2013-06-17 10:53:18 AM

Tommy Moo: I'm pretty sure the word "maul" specifically means to be killed by an animal. It's like drowned or electrocuted. You are mauled if you die. This man was simply attacked by a bear.


Definition three might be relevant to your interests.
 
2013-06-17 10:53:34 AM
Wow, now that was some church picnic.
 
2013-06-17 10:54:37 AM

mikefinch: (the salt from your hands and back sweat tastes good to them)


That explains why bears are always looking at me like I'm nothing but a piece of meat.
 
2013-06-17 10:57:08 AM
Newsmax picks up article.  "Liberal ignores advice to allow blacks to support themselves.  Handout backfires".
 
2013-06-17 10:59:36 AM
That guy needs lessons from Charlie Vandergaw.

www.savebearhaven.org
 
2013-06-17 11:00:14 AM

pute kisses like a man: monkwich: did he first ask somebody to hold his beer?

I've frequently been the beer holder in the "dude, hold my beer" scenario.  I've tried to determine exactly what purpose I fit in.  I used to think I was holding the beer as a deposit, to be withdrawn on demand...

but, after many such deposits, I came to realize that often injuries would occur, destroying the despositer's opportunity to ever retrieve the beer.  Since opened beer has a short life span, I've been brought to an uncomfortable threshold... what to do with the beer?  Do I hold it until it goes flat/warm?  or do I break the bonds of deposit, and drink it up upon notice that no one is coming back for this beer?

So, instead of the moral crisis of breach of beer vs. breach of contract... I have recharacterized the "hold my beer" relationship.  It is beer in escrow.  Upon successful completion of the idiot event, the beer is returned.  however, if the idiot event ruins the day, then the beer in escrow is turned over for consumption, as payment for inconvenience, to the holder.


Pretty logical thinking if you ask me.
 
2013-06-17 11:01:20 AM

theorellior: mikefinch: Black bears are smart mofos -- up in High Level AB a bear figured out how to open car doors and it walked down a town street testing locks and looking for food.

A friend of mine once told me that there is considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest humans in Yosemite. Bears can also read-- "Igloo", "Coleman", etc.


My FIL told me a story about staying in his GF's cabin in Colorado about 10 years ago & they accidentally left a small cooler outside overnight. It only had 2 sodas & 1 beer in it.
A bear got into it, left the sodas alone but drank the beer.
 
2013-06-17 11:01:37 AM
Don't mess with a black bear. It may not be as big and badass as a grizzly but it's still a goddamn bear. My neighbor was killed by one on a jobsite in northern BC.
 
2013-06-17 11:03:35 AM
Never promise a bear barbecue and delivery only over cooked grilled meat.
 
2013-06-17 11:03:51 AM

bikerbob59: pute kisses like a man: monkwich: did he first ask somebody to hold his beer?

I've frequently been the beer holder in the "dude, hold my beer" scenario.  I've tried to determine exactly what purpose I fit in.  I used to think I was holding the beer as a deposit, to be withdrawn on demand...

but, after many such deposits, I came to realize that often injuries would occur, destroying the despositer's opportunity to ever retrieve the beer.  Since opened beer has a short life span, I've been brought to an uncomfortable threshold... what to do with the beer?  Do I hold it until it goes flat/warm?  or do I break the bonds of deposit, and drink it up upon notice that no one is coming back for this beer?

So, instead of the moral crisis of breach of beer vs. breach of contract... I have recharacterized the "hold my beer" relationship.  It is beer in escrow.  Upon successful completion of the idiot event, the beer is returned.  however, if the idiot event ruins the day, then the beer in escrow is turned over for consumption, as payment for inconvenience, to the holder.

Pretty logical thinking if you ask me.


Lawyerly typing detected...
 
2013-06-17 11:05:30 AM
Shoulda tossed the beer to the bear.
 
2013-06-17 11:05:33 AM

Tommy Moo: I'm pretty sure the word "maul" specifically means to be killed by an animal. It's like drowned or electrocuted. You are mauled if you die. This man was simply attacked by a bear.


I'm pretty sure you're completely wrong about maul and electrocuted. That's why people always add 'to death' after them, as in 'mauled to death' or 'electrocuted to death'.
 
2013-06-17 11:07:25 AM

pute kisses like a man: monkwich: did he first ask somebody to hold his beer?

I've frequently been the beer holder in the "dude, hold my beer" scenario.  I've tried to determine exactly what purpose I fit in.  I used to think I was holding the beer as a deposit, to be withdrawn on demand...

but, after many such deposits, I came to realize that often injuries would occur, destroying the despositer's opportunity to ever retrieve the beer.  Since opened beer has a short life span, I've been brought to an uncomfortable threshold... what to do with the beer?  Do I hold it until it goes flat/warm?  or do I break the bonds of deposit, and drink it up upon notice that no one is coming back for this beer?

So, instead of the moral crisis of breach of beer vs. breach of contract... I have recharacterized the "hold my beer" relationship.  It is beer in escrow.  Upon successful completion of the idiot event, the beer is returned.  however, if the idiot event ruins the day, then the beer in escrow is turned over for consumption, as payment for inconvenience, to the holder.


Your job is to record the incident without shaking or yelling 'Oh My God' and then post it online.
 
2013-06-17 11:13:35 AM
Man mauled after feeding bear some BBQ had been drinking
Read more here: http://www.adn.com/2013/06/16/2942238/man-mauled-after-feeding-bear.h t ml#storylink=cpy I would be mad too if someone gave me meat they were drinking. I have teeth to chew, no thanks puree beef.
 
2013-06-17 11:14:37 AM
The problem with feeding bears really starts when you run out of food and the bear thinks you're holding out on him.
 
2013-06-17 11:17:10 AM

Russ1642: Tommy Moo: I'm pretty sure the word "maul" specifically means to be killed by an animal. It's like drowned or electrocuted. You are mauled if you die. This man was simply attacked by a bear.

I'm pretty sure you're completely wrong about maul and electrocuted. That's why people always add 'to death' after them, as in 'mauled to death' or 'electrocuted to death'.


well, the important thing is that none of them woke up dead.
 
2013-06-17 11:20:47 AM
Moron.

Thanks to this schmohawk  the bear could be put down.
 
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