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(KATU)   If you can hold a headstand for at least 10 minutes, communicate in Sanskrit and enjoy downing wheatgrass and tequila shots, here is a CEO job for you   (katu.com) divider line 50
    More: Cool, Sanskrit, CEO, lululemon, tequilas  
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9057 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jun 2013 at 1:31 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-17 12:08:45 AM  
I can do 1/2 of those things...
 
2013-06-17 12:31:27 AM  
Do you have to mix the wheatgrass and tequila?

/because I prefer straight shots
 
2013-06-17 12:42:19 AM  
After drinking enough tequila, you would be amazed at what I could do.
 
2013-06-17 01:32:30 AM  
Tequila and wheatgrass, yes, communicating in sand script? No way.
 
2013-06-17 01:34:14 AM  
Wheatgrass and Stoli O is a pretty decent shot.
 
2013-06-17 01:37:44 AM  
I can do the tequila shots (hold the wheatgrass).  When do I get paid?
 
2013-06-17 01:39:36 AM  
I can't stand on my head, unfortunately.
 
2013-06-17 01:39:56 AM  
So if I told 'em I speak Sanskrit, let them find a native Sanskrit speaker to prove me wrong. I'd BS through that element. I could take wheatgrass so long as I had enough tequila to wash it down. The only problem is I don't think they will last the year as a company.
 
2013-06-17 01:43:16 AM  
They just want you to know the main chants and Sanskrit words for poses or asanas. Can sort of do most of these things. Would probably hate it.
 
2013-06-17 01:43:24 AM  
Sanskrit? You're majoring in a 5000 year old dead language?! - Yeah. - Ok ...Latin. Best I can do.

3.bp.blogspot.com

/Next
//Phys-Ed?
///Phys-Ed. Ok, you're out of my room. Seriously, get out.
 
2013-06-17 01:47:42 AM  

DarkSoulNoHope: Sanskrit? You're majoring in a 5000 year old dead language?! - Yeah. - Ok ...Latin. Best I can do.



/Next
//Phys-Ed?
///Phys-Ed. Ok, you're out of my room. Seriously, get out.


How the hell does Jeremy Piven look younger now than he did 20 years ago?
 
2013-06-17 01:51:12 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: DarkSoulNoHope: Sanskrit? You're majoring in a 5000 year old dead language?! - Yeah. - Ok ...Latin. Best I can do.



/Next
//Phys-Ed?
///Phys-Ed. Ok, you're out of my room. Seriously, get out.

How the hell does Jeremy Piven look younger now than he did 20 years ago?


Hair plugs?
 
2013-06-17 02:20:20 AM  
Communicate with whom?

/or who? It's the same problem in Sanskrit.
 
2013-06-17 02:20:32 AM  
I recall reading that wheat grass is great for ruminants but not particularly beneficial for humans.
 
2013-06-17 02:28:12 AM  
I can do all that. At the same time. But I cant do all that on a sinking ship. Darn.
 
2013-06-17 02:39:07 AM  
actual Link to job description [need to have Taleo account to apply]

I think it's great they say the CEO reports to no one and their culture is fun and irreverent, but in reality the board of directors is firing this woman because of a bad batch of pants. You also need to agree with a culture that is uniquely Anti-Government Canadian.
 
2013-06-17 02:40:25 AM  
Hmmm... I do have a sanskrit to english dictionary from university around here somewhere.
 
2013-06-17 02:53:28 AM  

UsikFark: I think it's great they say the CEO reports to no one and their culture is fun and irreverent


I'll send my resume in Comic Sanskrit then.
 
2013-06-17 03:08:17 AM  
Apologies for a long post, but I'll go ahead and copy the whole thing:


CEOlululemon athleticaFounded in 1998 in beautiful Vancouver, BC lululemon athletica creates components for people to live long, healthy and fun lives.descriptionYou report to no one, you are the CEO (duh). You are passionate about doing chief executive officer type stuff like making decisions, having a vision and being the head boss person.a day in the life of a chief executive officer-    You communicate powerfully, often through Sanskrit-    You are disciplined, focused and can hold headstand for at least 10 minutes-    You're a long-term thinker. You already have a plan to bring yoga and luon to Mars by 2018-    You break all the rules like getting your OM-on (loudly) whenever the urge arises-    You elevate and cultivate the level of talent within the senior leadership team by holding The Bachelor lululemon. Only one successful SVP will get the final rose-    Not only do you lead the organization to create components for people to live long, healthy and fun lives, you know the secret to how they got the caramel in the Caramilk bar-    You wear The Mansy to lead our company-wide morning chant and kombucha ritualthe finer print-    Your go-to party trick is your dead-on impression of the yogi in "Sh*T Yogis Say"-    You voted for Pedro-    You have Chip Wilson, Bill Clinton, Ellen DeGeneres and Oprah Winfrey on speed dial-    You actively live and breathe the lululemon culture - on Friday afternoons you hit up wheatgrass and tequila shots (it's called work/life balance)-    You use your third eye to channel innovation-    Your lineage is directly related to Phidippides-    You own yoga
If I owned stock in this company, I would be selling it off immediately based on the way this is written.  I don't care if it's a joke, that's my investment you are making light of.
 
2013-06-17 03:09:22 AM  
Oh, godammit Fark, that formatting looked fine in your stupid WYSIWYG editor box.
 
2013-06-17 03:25:19 AM  
"description: You report to no one, you are the CEO (duh)."

The CEO reports to the Board of Directors (duh).
 
2013-06-17 03:31:46 AM  
I'd be qualified but I'd be working at cross purposes because I'd be making sure there was a line of transparent yoga pants.
 
2013-06-17 03:34:49 AM  

HotWingAgenda: I'll go ahead and copy the whole thing


Right click, paste as plain text (if available.) Any rich text field will turn into Frankenstein's monster if you can't sanitize text formatting. Otherwise, go back to the old editor in your profile. I dropped the WYSIWYG editor because it wasn't.
 
2013-06-17 03:55:04 AM  
www.theblindcard.com

Mmm .. Luba
 
2013-06-17 04:39:59 AM  
Must also enjoy Tofutti breaks!
i4.photobucket.com
 
2013-06-17 06:36:40 AM  
www.brobible.com
 
2013-06-17 07:00:00 AM  
how about being able to coopt religion beliefs to promote capitalism and give a false sense of spirituality to empty (white) rich people?  is that a requirement?
 
2013-06-17 07:45:45 AM  
Judging by that post, I'd dislike working there.  It sounds like they encourage people to be loud/zany for the sake of being loud and zany.

/People are obnoxious plenty often without encouragement.
 
2013-06-17 08:16:33 AM  
Is there a bathroom here or do I just shiat in a plant?
 
2013-06-17 08:26:28 AM  

DarkSoulNoHope: Sanskrit? You're majoring in a 5000 year old dead language?! - Yeah. - Ok ...Latin. Best I can do.

[3.bp.blogspot.com image 271x400]

/Next
//Phys-Ed?
///Phys-Ed. Ok, you're out of my room. Seriously, get out.


and I'm glad I wasn't the only one who went straight to PCU. Thanks.

/Payback for the milkbones.
 
2013-06-17 08:31:20 AM  

Parkanzky: Judging by that post, I'd dislike working there.  It sounds like they encourage people to be loud/zany for the sake of being loud and zany.

/People are obnoxious plenty often without encouragement.


Bingo.

Stupid tag was busy?
 
2013-06-17 08:50:27 AM  
Isn't this the company that had "Who is John Galt" printed on their bags?

http://www.lululemon.com/community/blog/who-is-john-galt/
 
2013-06-17 09:21:56 AM  
First thing: rename company to "The Emporer's New Clothes."
 
2013-06-17 09:32:36 AM  
DNRTFA, but from what I've seen lately, that's required for $9.50/hr entry level. Plus 3 years experience and a Master's in each.
 
2013-06-17 10:17:02 AM  

thisiszombocom: how about being able to coopt religion beliefs to promote capitalism and give a false sense of spirituality to empty (white) rich people?  is that a requirement?


Dude, shut up.  Yoga pants.  You're ruining it for the rest of us.
 
2013-06-17 10:52:39 AM  
OK this push for diversity is going too far now.  Next for CFO they will want a lesbian midget that speaks fluent esperanto, that loves scuba polo and has a degree in macrome manufacturing.
 
2013-06-17 11:22:19 AM  

vbob: Mmm .. Luba


Didn't know what a Luba was. A quick Google search left me very happy.
 
2013-06-17 11:28:36 AM  
Hey everyone, look over this way! Aren't we clever and irreverent?

Try not to think about being able to see a fat lady's vulva through her pants.
 
2013-06-17 12:09:26 PM  

Primum: Isn't this the company that had "Who is John Galt" printed on their bags?

http://www.lululemon.com/community/blog/who-is-john-galt/


Really odd for a company that caters to upper-middle class white ladies.  I'd expect that to be on the cover of a linux distribution.
 
2013-06-17 01:11:20 PM  

syberpud: Primum: Isn't this the company that had "Who is John Galt" printed on their bags?

http://www.lululemon.com/community/blog/who-is-john-galt/

Really odd for a company that caters to upper-middle class white ladies.  I'd expect that to be on the cover of a linux distribution.


It's quite predictable, if your company thrives on attention whoring. They're Abercrombie & Fitch, just for a different demographic.
 
2013-06-17 01:31:52 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: DarkSoulNoHope: Sanskrit? You're majoring in a 5000 year old dead language?! - Yeah. - Ok ...Latin. Best I can do.

/Next
//Phys-Ed?
///Phys-Ed. Ok, you're out of my room. Seriously, get out.

How the hell does Jeremy Piven look younger now than he did 20 years ago?


He's Merlin.
 
2013-06-17 01:35:45 PM  

Primum: Isn't this the company that had "Who is John Galt" printed on their bags?

http://www.lululemon.com/community/blog/who-is-john-galt/


Wow, Randians co-opting eastern philosophy. It's things like this that are going to turn Buddha from a jolly fat guy into the Hulk.

BUDDHA SMASH!
 
2013-06-17 02:06:26 PM  

poot_rootbeer: Hey everyone, look over this way! Aren't we clever and irreverent?

Try not to think about being able to see a fat lady's vulva through her pants.


Why wouldn't I want to think about that?
 
2013-06-17 03:25:00 PM  
That is zany.  And wacky.
 
2013-06-17 04:12:57 PM  
Down is a terrible verb.

/srsly
 
2013-06-17 05:15:14 PM  
I think the girl in front of me in pilates class over the weekend had a pair from the see through batch.

It was awesome.
 
2013-06-17 05:19:58 PM  
I could do headstands for 3 minutes(anything more than that is really uncomfortable)but then I got chesty and they move down and try to choke me.

i might do one wheatgrass shot. Tequila would rip up my insides.

Sanscrit is a no go, but I'm good at linguistics and could learn
 
2013-06-17 06:23:49 PM  
well, if they're drinking Tequila, they can't be too bright.  Tequila, Brandy, and Bourbon are loaded with congeners. dirty alcohol.

Vodka
Gin
all the Ethanol/Flavor
without the congeners/headaches
what smart people drink.
 
2013-06-17 06:25:15 PM  
If you want to Puke like its your last Puke on earth, drink lots of Tequila. it'll come up not much worse than it went down.
 
2013-06-18 01:09:03 AM  
i.imgur.com

"I had a dream last night. I dreamt I was a dove flying over the sea. And then I dove into the ocean... And I swam with the dolphins. I was two animals joined as one... ...which meant - good things are coming. Good things."
 
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