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(SanDiegoUnionTribune)   Fark Squirrel 1 BMW 0   (utsandiego.com) divider line 55
    More: Amusing, BMW, San Diego Police Department, Mission Bay  
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10591 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Jun 2013 at 2:25 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-15 11:55:36 PM
"A tow truck removed the gray sedan from the bay. Neither driver nor passenger was injured."

Who's the U-boat commander?
 
2013-06-16 12:02:59 AM
FTFA: The squirrel's fate is unknown.

best line in the whole article
 
2013-06-16 12:19:23 AM
Insurance fraud?
 
2013-06-16 02:26:31 AM

fusillade762: Insurance fraud?


winner
 
2013-06-16 02:27:24 AM
Who the fark swerves for a squirrel. It has to be at least deer-sized before I will even contemplate avoiding it.
 
2013-06-16 02:31:23 AM

SumoJeb: Who the fark swerves for a squirrel. It has to be at least deer-sized before I will even contemplate avoiding it.


someone who can't afford their car payments.
 
2013-06-16 02:32:15 AM
Where on Fiesta Island is the water close enough to the road or any parking space to make this story possible? All along there, the road is at least like 30 feet back.
 
2013-06-16 02:33:51 AM

SumoJeb: Who the fark swerves for a squirrel. It has to be at least deer-sized before I will even contemplate avoiding it.


Somebody who's too intoxicated to drive safely, but not too intoxicated to seem sober and to come up with a lame-ass story why they ended up in the lake.

Probably not booze.
 
2013-06-16 02:34:40 AM

SumoJeb: Who the fark swerves for a squirrel. It has to be at least deer-sized before I will even contemplate avoiding it.


If nothing is coming i will. Knowing i ran something over would kill my whole day.
 
2013-06-16 02:35:38 AM

SumoJeb: Who the fark swerves for a squirrel. It has to be at least deer-sized before I will even contemplate avoiding it.


In theory, I would swerve for a squirrel, but I would make sure it wasn't into anything that would cause more damage to my car than a squirrel first, so in practice I probably wouldn't.

Besides, squirrels are pretty small and it's actually unlikely that you could hit it even if you tried.
 
2013-06-16 02:38:38 AM
Was it this BMW?
clatl.com
 
2013-06-16 02:39:02 AM
Usually in automobile-squirrel incidents, 'fate' is black and white.

Squirrel is smeared on the road. The fate of the squirrel wasn't good.
Squirrel is no where to be seen. The squirrel's fate was good.

There isn't a lot of in-between there.
 
2013-06-16 02:40:56 AM

gfid: SumoJeb: Who the fark swerves for a squirrel. It has to be at least deer-sized before I will even contemplate avoiding it.

In theory, I would swerve for a squirrel, but I would make sure it wasn't into anything that would cause more damage to my car than a squirrel first, so in practice I probably wouldn't.

Besides, squirrels are pretty small and it's actually unlikely that you could hit it even if you tried.


I actually drove over a squirrel once. I heard a little *clunk* as I went over it but I saw it scurry off the road in my rear-view mirror, so I guess it wasn't hurt too badly.
 
2013-06-16 02:42:45 AM

rackrent: Who's the U-boat commander?


beat me to it.
 
2013-06-16 02:46:36 AM
It's a "Bimmer" not a "Beemer". I hate it when people make this mistake. A "Beemer" is a BMW Motorcycle.
 
2013-06-16 02:47:18 AM

SumoJeb: Who the fark swerves for a squirrel. It has to be at least deer-sized before I will even contemplate avoiding it.


Someone with compassion.
 
2013-06-16 02:48:29 AM
There was a squirrel who worked as the night guard for the lever that ended the world. His name was Nathan. Every day he would cross the road to gather nuts, and then go back at night and stand watch. One day he got distracted while hunting nuts, and was late for work. So he hurried back across the road without looking to see if it was clear. Alas, it was not clear, there was a BMW heading for him. The driver assessed the situation and knew he couldn't stop, his only choice was to swerve or to hit the squirrel.
Well the squirrel got squashed flatter than a pancake. And we should be okay with that. Why?
Better Nate than lever.
 
2013-06-16 02:50:25 AM

winchester92: It's a "Bimmer" not a "Beemer". I hate it when people make this mistake. A "Beemer" is a BMW Motorcycle.


Yeah, there's an auto columnist in Chicago that makes the same claim;  are you Dan Jedlicka?  It's all based on literature supplied by the Bayrischen Motor Werken.  I don't know anyone else who makes this claim!
 
2013-06-16 02:54:10 AM

hoyt clagwell: winchester92: It's a "Bimmer" not a "Beemer". I hate it when people make this mistake. A "Beemer" is a BMW Motorcycle.

Yeah, there's an auto columnist in Chicago that makes the same claim;  are you Dan Jedlicka?  It's all based on literature supplied by the Bayrischen Motor Werken.  I don't know anyone else who makes this claim!


I do!
 
2013-06-16 02:55:30 AM
Wasn't there a story a while back about some idiot who drove his Bugatti into a lake and claimed he was swerving to avoid a seagull (not knowing he was being filmed by someone and there was no seagull)?
 
2013-06-16 02:58:51 AM
Rocky: Well, they don't call him Wrongway Peachfuzz for nothing!Bullwinkle: You mean they gotta pay?Bullwinkle: Well this is a pickle...actually its more of a kumquat.
Bullwinkle: Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.Rocky: Again?Bullwinkle: Presto!Lion: ROAR!!!Bullwinkle: Oops, wrong hat.
Rocky: Do you know what an A-bomb is?Bullwinkle: Certainly. A bomb is what some people call our show.
Rocky: There has already been two attempts on your life.Bullwinkle: Don't worry, we'll be renewed.
Rocky: And now, for all your seniors who are just about to graduate, here are some words of wisdom from Mr. Know-It-All.
Rocky: Hey Bullwinkle, we're in real trouble now!Bullwinkle: Oh good, Rocky! I hate that artificial kind!
Boris: Aw, shut up your mouth!
Bullwinkle: Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what can you believe?Natasha: Hello dollink.
Fearless Leader: What does Pottsylvania have more than any other country? Mean! We have more mean than any other country in Europe! We must export mean.
 
2013-06-16 03:03:28 AM
 
2013-06-16 03:03:40 AM

winchester92: It's a "Bimmer" not a "Beemer". I hate it when people make this mistake. A "Beemer" is a BMW Motorcycle.


Beemer Beemer Beemer Beemer Beemer Beemer. Deal with it. We speak English, not Bavarian here. Do you call the capital of France "Paree" when you speak English?
 
2013-06-16 03:05:16 AM
I saw a run-over squirrel in the road once while taking an afternoon walk around my work campus. And next to the dead one was a smaller squirrel.  I guessed that the little squirrel was waiting next to its (deceased/roadkill) parent.  The little squirrel occasionally prodded the larger squirrel now and again, not quite understanding the whole "dead" thing.

When a car approached the pair, the little squirrel bit the larger dead squirrel & attempted to drag the dead squirrel off the roadway before the car smashed them. The little bugger had the sense to dart away before getting killed, and then ran back to the side of the dead squirrel again.

The bigger squirrel remained quite dead the whole time.

/just thought I'd share
 
2013-06-16 03:10:25 AM

winchester92: It's a "Bimmer" not a "Beemer". I hate it when people make this mistake. A "Beemer" is a BMW Motorcycle.


Obviously.
 
2013-06-16 03:12:14 AM
legion_of_doo While I can't unread what I just read, I will cover it up with memories of feeding the squirrels Peanut M & M's by the banks of the Red Cedar, Michigan State University.
 
2013-06-16 03:17:01 AM
Idiot. Dont swerve for anything small enough that it wont fark up your car. I ran over a raccoon last week, i woulda slowed down to avoid the hassle, but there was some asshole riding my bumper. Saw the carcass fly up from my back tire and hit the front of the guys truck though, so it was worth having to go stop at the car wash. The only other animal incidents i remember was a coyote one time, i thought it was a dog at first, so i swerved, i was on the freeway early in the morning and it was raining for the first time in a couple of weeks so it was really slick, i wound up doing a 360, middle lane and no other cars, so it was sorta fun. Other time i came around a bend on a parkway, deer in the middle of the road, slam on my brakes, swerve, slid into the damn thing sideways and hit it the passenger side rear quarter panel. farking thing stood up and ran off.

legion_of_doo: I saw a run-over squirrel in the road once while taking an afternoon walk around my work campus. And next to the dead one was a smaller squirrel.  I guessed that the little squirrel was waiting next to its (deceased/roadkill) parent.  The little squirrel occasionally prodded the larger squirrel now and again, not quite understanding the whole "dead" thing.

When a car approached the pair, the little squirrel bit the larger dead squirrel & attempted to drag the dead squirrel off the roadway before the car smashed them. The little bugger had the sense to dart away before getting killed, and then ran back to the side of the dead squirrel again.

The bigger squirrel remained quite dead the whole time.

/just thought I'd share


:(
 
2013-06-16 03:22:18 AM
I've run over a skunk before. It was massive, solid. Like rolling over a large stone. WHUMP, and the car lurches over the thing.

And then your car stinks for weeks.
 
2013-06-16 03:34:41 AM
Riiiight...squirrel...that's the ticket.

Some people around here consider that missing out on a perfectly good dinner....

legion_of_doo: I've run over a skunk before. It was massive, solid. Like rolling over a large stone. WHUMP, and the car lurches over the thing.

And then your car stinks for weeks.


Since I work graveyard, I'm always praying that the coffee kicks in well enough before I have to head to work and manage to avoid whacking one of those. And the hogs...and the armadillos....
 
2013-06-16 03:48:12 AM
Truck driver here. Killed 4 small birds, 1 cat and 1 unidentified large rodent so far. Sometimes you just don't have time to do anything. It sucks.

And 10 million bugs.

I did do some epic swerving once to avoid a duck casually crossing the road though.
 
2013-06-16 03:52:11 AM

fusillade762: gfid: SumoJeb: Who the fark swerves for a squirrel. It has to be at least deer-sized before I will even contemplate avoiding it.

In theory, I would swerve for a squirrel, but I would make sure it wasn't into anything that would cause more damage to my car than a squirrel first, so in practice I probably wouldn't.

Besides, squirrels are pretty small and it's actually unlikely that you could hit it even if you tried.

I actually drove over a squirrel once. I heard a little *clunk* as I went over it but I saw it scurry off the road in my rear-view mirror, so I guess it wasn't hurt too badly.


kritters sometimes run right into the car tire and bounce off dazed but alive. braver squirrels do this on a daily basis.
 
2013-06-16 04:09:25 AM

winchester92: It's a "Bimmer" not a "Beemer". I hate it when people make this mistake. A "Beemer" is a BMW Motorcycle.


You must be a blast at parties.
 
2013-06-16 05:06:53 AM

ElLoco: Usually in automobile-squirrel incidents, 'fate' is black and white.

Squirrel is smeared on the road. The fate of the squirrel wasn't good.
Squirrel is no where to be seen. The squirrel's fate was good.

There isn't a lot of in-between there.


Schroedinger's Squirrel? Everett's Many-Farks theory?
 
2013-06-16 05:44:17 AM
Fark: The driver was also a squirrel

i.imgur.com
 
2013-06-16 05:48:25 AM

inclemency: winchester92: It's a "Bimmer" not a "Beemer". I hate it when people make this mistake. A "Beemer" is a BMW Motorcycle.

You must be a blast at parties.


Technically he's correct, but oddly angry about it. Source: I rode a BMW motorcycle for more years than I care to count.

Speaking of that, and the roadkill in this thread, my first animal to run over was a possum. A HUGE possum. We're talking smaller Cocker spaniel size. I nailed it (unintentionally) and felt my rear tire bounce what seemed to be 3 feet in the air. It's a miracle I didn't high-side off the bike.

After I moved to and worked in the city, I figured I could relax when riding late at night, aside from the drunks. Drunks are fairly predictable; wildlife is not. And the speeds are much lower. Nevertheless, I hit a nurtria one night in down-farking-town New Orleans Most people don't even know what a nutria is (large varmint). Must have wandered over from City Park looking for a drink or something. It's like hitting a bald eagle in downtown Miami. Just didn't make any sense. But hell, I nailed that poor bastard.

Both of those gave me me sharts (remember, motorcycle), but there's no true terror like a skittish deer while riding at a nighttime 60mph in the country. If you've never harvested seat foam into your sphincter in pure terror, ask me about it.

If I ever see another deer, and I'm driving a car, I'm hitting it out of spite.

/not really, but man, that's a scare you never want to relive
 
2013-06-16 06:13:42 AM
I seen squished critters on the PDX area roads all the time: squirrels, skunks, possums, raccoons, pigeons. The one thing you almost never see are ducks and geese. People will absolutely wreck their vehicles before hitting water fowl. I guess it is because they are slower moving, and you have more time to react. This causes a lot of rear end accidents. The worst thing I ever saw was a giant Cooper's hawk splayed put on the road near a freeway off ramp. That really bummed me out. If you hit one of the area bald eagles while driving, they just cart you off to prison for a while.
 
2013-06-16 06:48:05 AM
I actually ran over badger once in Wyoming. I stopped a little ways down the road to check my car because the sound was a very loud thump. I looked back at the badger only to see him pissed off and running down the lonely freeway toward me. I got the hell out of there as fast as I could. Lesson learned. Don't stop for badgers.
 
2013-06-16 06:57:39 AM
Rabid Bager...with you on that. Those damn badgers wake up pissed off and spend the day looking for something to make them angrier. Got to admire them though, they are not afraid on anything. Especially Wyoming badgers!!! Smart move...get in the car...lock the door...drive like hell!
 
2013-06-16 07:13:06 AM
Fiesta squirrel approves
rlv.zcache.com
 
2013-06-16 07:25:31 AM

winchester92: It's a "Bimmer" not a "Beemer". I hate it when people make this mistake. A "Beemer" is a BMW Motorcycle.


And I suppose "Beamer" is right out.
 
2013-06-16 07:35:00 AM

winchester92: It's a "Bimmer" not a "Beemer". I hate it when people make this mistake. A "Beemer" is a BMW Motorcycle.


That is brilliant, another thing to correct the unwashed about when they gawk. Opportunities to be condescending is one of the joys of beemer ownership, after all.
 
2013-06-16 07:39:18 AM

fusillade762: gfid: SumoJeb: Who the fark swerves for a squirrel. It has to be at least deer-sized before I will even contemplate avoiding it.

In theory, I would swerve for a squirrel, but I would make sure it wasn't into anything that would cause more damage to my car than a squirrel first, so in practice I probably wouldn't.

Besides, squirrels are pretty small and it's actually unlikely that you could hit it even if you tried.

I actually drove over a squirrel once. I heard a little *clunk* as I went over it but I saw it scurry off the road in my rear-view mirror, so I guess it wasn't hurt too badly.


This happened to me when I was learning to drive, on a narrow road with oncoming traffic so swerving wasn't an option. I was congratulated by my driving instructor for being surprisingly calm about it.
 
2013-06-16 07:54:59 AM

KrispyKritter: fusillade762: gfid: SumoJeb: Who the fark swerves for a squirrel. It has to be at least deer-sized before I will even contemplate avoiding it.

In theory, I would swerve for a squirrel, but I would make sure it wasn't into anything that would cause more damage to my car than a squirrel first, so in practice I probably wouldn't.

Besides, squirrels are pretty small and it's actually unlikely that you could hit it even if you tried.

I actually drove over a squirrel once. I heard a little *clunk* as I went over it but I saw it scurry off the road in my rear-view mirror, so I guess it wasn't hurt too badly.

kritters sometimes run right into the car tire and bounce off dazed but alive. braver squirrels do this on a daily basis.

s22.postimg.org
 
2013-06-16 08:06:49 AM
So these guys are at it again?

i.ytimg.com
 
2013-06-16 08:38:35 AM
Actual chance there was a squirrel:  0%.
 
2013-06-16 09:37:01 AM
"Squirrel" as in "I did something stupid and don't want to admit it"

Knew a guy who claimed "rabbit" instead of squirrel when he wrecked his car and nearly killed himself. Why yes, he did have a sports car and he did like to run around recklessly in it, how did you guess?
 
2013-06-16 10:03:28 AM
fubegra.net
 
2013-06-16 11:23:00 AM
I had a squirrel hit me once.  I was driving down a tree lined street when all of a sudden a squirrel hit my windshield tumbled over the roof down the back window and off the trunk into the street.   Where it proceeded to run off the road.   Guess he lost his balance on the tree limb, I didn't see him until he hit the windshield.
 
2013-06-16 11:37:18 AM
Six years ago my brother in-law ran over a squirrel while riding his moped. He lost control, totalled the bike, got a concussion and broken thumb.

A couple of weeks ago a squirrel darted in front of my car causing me to reduce speed and swerve a little.

Now this.

Coincidence?

2media.nowpublic.net
 
2013-06-16 01:34:56 PM
As a BMW tech in San Diego, I approve of this story.

The road is pretty far back from the water from what I remember - like 30 or 40 feet in most places. They had to moving pretty fast to clear that much land out of control and make it that far out in to the water, plus the Beemers' (ha) traction control system should prevented them from getting that sketchy in the first place. My bet is someone watched Fast & Furious last night and decided to turn off the traction control thinking they were race car drivers.
 
2013-06-16 02:43:38 PM

Eps05: Truck driver here. Killed 4 small birds, 1 cat and 1 unidentified large rodent so far. Sometimes you just don't have time to do anything. It sucks.

And 10 million bugs.

I did do some epic swerving once to avoid a duck casually crossing the road though.


I once put my car on 2 wheels trying to dodge a puppy chasing a ball into the street.  Missed the dog, killed the ball, destroyed two tires on landing, an a arm and had to reweld the transaxle on the rear.

I thought I was going to die.  I would not do it again.
 
2013-06-16 06:07:05 PM
Driving down a country road one day a squirrel decided cross the road about 20/25 feet ahead of me, squirrel stops and stands on hind legs and looks directly at the car, like staring at it will stop the car. Well squirrel got smacked in it's little head with the bumper and dies instantly. Happened to fast to stop and road was to narrow to swerve! Stopped and went to have a look and thought about getting the tail and tying it to the antenna 50s hot rod style, but did not have a sharp enough knife!
 
2013-06-16 08:14:29 PM

SumoJeb: Who the fark swerves for a squirrel. It has to be at least deer-sized before I will even contemplate avoiding it.


Nobody, especially not a BMW driver.  The question is how many BMW drivers think their overpriced imports grant them magical driving skills that let them drift around corners at high rates of speed.  The answer is all of them.  All the drivers.  Including this one.
 
2013-06-16 11:55:03 PM

RatMotor: My bet is someone watched Fast & Furious last night and decided to turn off the traction control thinking they were race car drivers.


Just wait until we get a whole generation of kids who have been raised with traction/stability control trying to play Speed Racer without knowing jack shiat about actual vehicle dynamics. Uncle Chuck will have a field day.
 
2013-06-17 12:50:57 AM

gfid: Besides, squirrels are pretty small and it's actually unlikely that you could hit it even if you tried.


Years ago on my motorcycle I used to play squish the squirrel. Of the thousands I tried to hit I missed every one. Them farkers are fast.
 
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