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(Daily Express)   Royal Kate readies to grunt out another Royal, Buckingham Palace say's she's oiled up like Carleton Fisk's catching glove. Just in case you were wondering and stuff   (express.co.uk) divider line 64
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5890 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jun 2013 at 9:00 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-15 09:04:47 AM  
I can fap to this.
 
2013-06-15 09:07:39 AM  
Carlton Fisk. He's in the Hall of Fame, and stuff.
 
2013-06-15 09:09:01 AM  
So this is a rather slick wicket?
 
2013-06-15 09:10:30 AM  
great headline subby
 
2013-06-15 09:13:47 AM  
Reading the headline has got me wondering.. can a woman stretch out her vag slowly before she gives birth?  Would that help at all or do you have to go through the contractions before it matters how big yer vag is?
 
2013-06-15 09:17:57 AM  
I can't imagine many things that I care about less.
 
2013-06-15 09:22:39 AM  

20/20: great foul headline subby

fixed

 
2013-06-15 09:25:58 AM  
Generational welfare continues in England.
 
2013-06-15 09:26:31 AM  
Mitt. Catchers use a mitt, not a glove.
 
2013-06-15 09:28:28 AM  

20/20: great headline subby


christ. really?

Carleton?

glove?

headline is a whole lotta fail.

-1
 
2013-06-15 09:30:02 AM  
That's the kind of body English we can all get behind.
 
2013-06-15 09:30:04 AM  

lewismarktwo: Reading the headline has got me wondering.. can a woman stretch out her vag slowly before she gives birth?  Would that help at all or do you have to go through the contractions before it matters how big yer vag is?


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perineal_dilator

It's to stop the mother from getting her perineum torn during birth. You're  welcome.
 
2013-06-15 09:32:11 AM  
TFA: it is believed she is considering natal hypnotherapy to prepare her for childbirth...Katharine Graves, an expert in hypnobirth...

images.wikia.com
 
2013-06-15 09:36:49 AM  
Who da Fark cares?
PS: What the royal families last name ?
 
2013-06-15 09:37:53 AM  

lewismarktwo: Reading the headline has got me wondering.. can a woman stretch out her vag slowly before she gives birth?  Would that help at all or do you have to go through the contractions before it matters how big yer vag is?


The vagina handles things easily. It's cervix which needs a bit of a work-out before letting the kid out, and since it's job up until then is "keeping the kid in", a bit of limbering there isn't really an option.

I wonder what they'll do if Kate's baby has Down's Syndrome? Announce a still birth and kill it or swap with another baby and pay the parents off?
 
2013-06-15 09:43:39 AM  
I wonder how many people will be in the damn room while she's going through labor...

And I wonder how many she will kick out of the room...
 
2013-06-15 09:48:02 AM  

TheGreatGazoo: I wonder how many people will be in the damn room while she's going through labor...


Well, the Royal Chamberlain has to be there with a warming pan.
 
2013-06-15 09:52:57 AM  

orbister: lewismarktwo: Reading the headline has got me wondering.. can a woman stretch out her vag slowly before she gives birth?  Would that help at all or do you have to go through the contractions before it matters how big yer vag is?

The vagina handles things easily. It's cervix which needs a bit of a work-out before letting the kid out, and since it's job up until then is "keeping the kid in", a bit of limbering there isn't really an option.

I wonder what they'll do if Kate's baby has Down's Syndrome? Announce a still birth and kill it or swap with another baby and pay the parents off?


I'm sure they screened for that early on.
 
2013-06-15 09:53:30 AM  
Something, something 1776. Something, something.
 
2013-06-15 09:55:41 AM  

Gomer Pyle: Who da Fark cares?
PS: What the royal families last name ?


They don't have a last name.  The house has a name, but not the people in it.
But why da Fark do you care?
 
2013-06-15 10:02:12 AM  

orbister: lewismarktwo: Reading the headline has got me wondering.. can a woman stretch out her vag slowly before she gives birth?  Would that help at all or do you have to go through the contractions before it matters how big yer vag is?

The vagina handles things easily. It's cervix which needs a bit of a work-out before letting the kid out, and since it's job up until then is "keeping the kid in", a bit of limbering there isn't really an option.

I wonder what they'll do if Kate's baby has Down's Syndrome? Announce a still birth and kill it or swap with another baby and pay the parents off?


What if the baby turns out to be part Indian?
 
2013-06-15 10:07:52 AM  
Catching glove?
www.dandyism.net
 
2013-06-15 10:14:00 AM  

orbister: lewismarktwo: Reading the headline has got me wondering.. can a woman stretch out her vag slowly before she gives birth?  Would that help at all or do you have to go through the contractions before it matters how big yer vag is?

The vagina handles things easily. It's cervix which needs a bit of a work-out before letting the kid out, and since it's job up until then is "keeping the kid in", a bit of limbering there isn't really an option.

I wonder what they'll do if Kate's baby has Down's Syndrome? Announce a still birth and kill it or swap with another baby and pay the parents off?


Warming pan

/Playing "I wonder if" with the English/British royal family is like playing "Simpsons did it"
 
2013-06-15 10:17:45 AM  
Will it be an honor for the delivery doctor to glance at the Royal Vagina?
 
2013-06-15 10:21:53 AM  

lewismarktwo: Reading the headline has got me wondering.. can a woman stretch out her vag slowly before she gives birth?  Would that help at all or do you have to go through the contractions before it matters how big yer vag is?


To a point, but there are body changes which can't be forced. There are exercises which can help delivery and recovery. celebs have personal trainers to get ready for the six week Us Weekly shoot.
 
2013-06-15 10:28:27 AM  
Obligatory:

Her Vajeener!
 
2013-06-15 10:33:41 AM  

orbister: The vagina handles things easily.


I just want to say that completely stripped of its context I do love this sentence.
 
2013-06-15 10:46:41 AM  

Gordon Bennett: orbister: The vagina handles things easily.

I just want to say that completely stripped of its context I do love this sentence.


Some time ago a farker coined the term "snatchlasticity"

http://www.fark.com/comments/1987794
 
2013-06-15 10:48:18 AM  
"When James II's wife gave birth there were 67 people present."

She must have been a Kardashian-like-AW.
 
2013-06-15 10:53:00 AM  

eggplanticus: lewismarktwo: Reading the headline has got me wondering.. can a woman stretch out her vag slowly before she gives birth?  Would that help at all or do you have to go through the contractions before it matters how big yer vag is?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perineal_dilator

It's to stop the mother from getting her perineum torn during birth. You're  welcome.


There are some women who claim regular vaginal fisting while pregnant really helped them out with childbirth in terms of avoiding tearing....
 
2013-06-15 10:54:34 AM  
I'm willing to bet at least one tabloid photographer will try to go undercover as a nurse and give us some pretty graphic shots from the delivery room.
 
2013-06-15 11:03:23 AM  
"Hypnobirth"?!?

What the fark is that, and how the fark does one become an "expert" in it?

Does that mean there's also "hypnopregnancy", "hypnointercourse" and the evil step-child "hypnorape"?

/made up junk
//hipster hypnocrap?
//slashie your perineum
 
2013-06-15 11:04:46 AM  

orbister: I wonder what they'll do if Kate's baby has Down's Syndrome?

A royal? How would they know?

/aisle seat please
 
2013-06-15 11:07:14 AM  

strapp3r: 20/20: great foul headline subby

fixed


Headline was waved fair to hit the foul pole.
 
2013-06-15 11:09:08 AM  

orbister: lewismarktwo: Reading the headline has got me wondering.. can a woman stretch out her vag slowly before she gives birth?  Would that help at all or do you have to go through the contractions before it matters how big yer vag is?

The vagina handles things easily. It's cervix which needs a bit of a work-out before letting the kid out, and since it's job up until then is "keeping the kid in", a bit of limbering there isn't really an option.

I wonder what they'll do if Kate's baby has Down's Syndrome? Announce a still birth and kill it or swap with another baby and pay the parents off?


Eventually, they'll be a Red Wedding for the Official Opposition.
 
2013-06-15 11:14:43 AM  
Whatever.
 
2013-06-15 11:19:02 AM  

ur14me: Does that mean there's also "hypnopregnancy", "hypnointercourse" and the evil step-child "hypnorape"?


3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-06-15 11:21:55 AM  
TFA: The exact due date is known only to the couple's most intimate circle.

Kate herself has never been more precise than "mid-July" although at a recent barbecue some of her friends were heard discussing the impending birth on July 13.


Do I have to be the one to say that there might be a reason that they're not giving an exact date? IE, this kind of thing doesn't always happen exactly at your convenience?
 
ows
2013-06-15 11:23:35 AM  

Gomer Pyle: Who da Fark cares?
PS: What the royal families last name ?


was something German, but then they made up an entirely fictional name "Windsor"
 
2013-06-15 11:32:06 AM  

FrancoFile: Gomer Pyle: Who da Fark cares?
PS: What the royal families last name ?

They don't have a last name.  The house has a name, but not the people in it.
But why da Fark do you care?


Wrong. In 1917 George V specifically adopted Windsor, not only as the name of the 'House' or dynasty, but also as the surname of his family. After Elizabeth Windsor married Phillip Mountbatten the family surname of her and her children, by Royal decree, became Mountbatten-Windsor which is rarely used except on things like when they sign the marriage register. All of the Queen's children, as well as William when he married Kate, signed the register with that surname.
 
2013-06-15 11:35:11 AM  

jaytkay: ur14me: Does that mean there's also "hypnopregnancy", "hypnointercourse" and the evil step-child "hypnorape"?


idontwanttoliveonthisplanetanymore.jpg
 
2013-06-15 11:46:48 AM  
Thanks for all the fine replies.
 
2013-06-15 11:48:53 AM  
Is Royal Princess Oiler a hereditary position or can anyone apply?
 
2013-06-15 11:49:51 AM  
FTFA "Self-hypnosis supposedly helps produce oxytocin, a natural painkiller, while still allowing the use of additional pain relief such as an epidural. "

Wrong.
 
2013-06-15 12:08:22 PM  

leevis: I'm willing to bet at least one tabloid photographer will try to go undercover as a nurse and give us some pretty graphic shots from the delivery room.


They may as well do it officially. This kid is going to be the most photographed human on the planet.

Until he/she has kids of its own.
 
2013-06-15 12:16:21 PM  
say's???
 
2013-06-15 12:21:16 PM  

ur14me: "Hypnobirth"?!?

What the fark is that, and how the fark does one become an "expert" in it?

Does that mean there's also "hypnopregnancy", "hypnointercourse" and the evil step-child "hypnorape"?

/made up junk
//hipster hypnocrap?
//slashie your perineum


Hypnobirth?  They're opening for Vladimir Putin's Sex Swing down at the Derelict Lighthouse tonight, you should swing by...no cover!
 
2013-06-15 12:21:25 PM  
a.espncdn.com
 
2013-06-15 12:39:15 PM  
UK taxpayers must be SO happy.

I can't imagine why those "royals" aren't currently living in a ditch,  having their McDonald's paychecks garnished  to help pay reparations to the UK.
 
2013-06-15 12:57:02 PM  
I would have assumed Kate was too posh to push.
 
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