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(Jezebel)   Romantic advice that shouldn't need to be said, #234: Please don't hit on me via LinkedIn   (jezebel.com ) divider line
    More: Dumbass, LinkedIn, professional network, romance  
•       •       •

3669 clicks; posted to Geek » on 15 Jun 2013 at 2:02 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-15 01:26:12 PM  
In the comments:

See also: Just because someone would date Bradley Cooper based on looks alone does not entitle you to girls on demand because you think it's fair.

I see, accoding to the new feminism, a guy who hits on a girl or asks her out in the "wrong" way is acting "entitled" and is making a "demand"

This turns a question into a demand, to make it seem like more of a disgusting act. Look at him, he is DEMANDING that she do what he says!
 
2013-06-15 01:39:06 PM  
I guess she doesn't realize this is spam and a scam [link is to similar examples].
 
2013-06-15 01:50:08 PM  
Given the percentage of Jezebel staffer type people in the real world, it's fairly safe to continue being a normal human being and not worrying about whether the most distorted type of feminism to exist has infected the person to whom you're talking.

Now, if you're in a philosophy department building somewhere, beware....

/I say this from experience
//Part of the "oppressive male hegemony" because I held the door for two women and a man one day
///"HOW DARE YOU THINK I CAN'T GET THE DOOR MYSELF!"
 
2013-06-15 02:10:35 PM  

NetOwl: Its seems that many (most?) men are unaware of how creepy they are when they hit on women at inappropriate times.

At a bar after work?  Go ahead!

Almost anywhere else?  Your advances are unwelcome, and you ought to know that already.

Most women get hit on all the time, and it's extremely annoying.  If you don't see how that would be annoying, then you're indulging in your male privilege.  Not that there's anything wrong with having that privilege, of course.  Just be aware of it, and stop pretending that your experience is the same as women's experiences.  Getting hit on when you're trying to do some mundane task is not fun.


I'd like to believe this is true.  Thing is, where I work there are plenty of men and women and yes, flirting does happen.  And of course the unattractive guys are 'being totally unprofessional' when they hit on the women.  But the really good looking guys, you should see the reactions then.  It's all giggles and smiles and 'hey, do you think he likes me?'.  I'm not saying that all women do this, I know that they don't.  But a lot, especially the under 25 crowd, are very guilty of masking their lack of attraction with something else.

And nope, I'm not complaining and saying that it's unfair or anything like that.  It's just that I don't understand why some women have to make it all about the guy being creepy when it's just the guy not being hot enough.  Seems a bit unfair to label someone with a creeper vibe when they didn't do anything wrong.  Although I do concede that some guys are just creepy.
 
2013-06-15 02:24:39 PM  
Henry from LinkedIn meet Rachael from Card Services.  And congratulations on becoming a well-loved meme.
 
2013-06-15 03:20:41 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: Cream of Meat: American women are assholes.

Go into it with that attitude and I'm shocked, SHOCKED, that panties don't drop everywhere you go.

/wouldn't give a shiatty attitude like yours a second glance


actually that's supposed to work
 
2013-06-15 03:22:03 PM  
they start working for your approval after the insult
 
2013-06-15 04:09:21 PM  

crab66: Men generally don't get creeped out by unattractive women coming on to them. They just say no, or have a few more drinks until it isn't a problem.


If only more women did the same!

/lighten up Francine
 
2013-06-15 06:22:25 PM  

Bedstead Polisher: OhioUGrad: but then what would women have to biatch about...it's always something....ever noticed anymore if you're even polite to women a lot of them take that as them being hit on.....stupid biatches with SUPER overinflated egos.

I think that's true for people in general. I often root for the underdog and as such make a point to say hello or a friendly word to people who are quieter and less outgoing. At work this has lead to a couple men thinking I wanted them. They didn't seem to notice that I extend that courtesy to everyone. Regular men don't hit on me but those ones do after one conversation.


Well, glad to know that it's an annoying two way street.
 
2013-06-15 06:32:22 PM  

NetOwl: Its seems that many (most?) men are unaware of how creepy they are when they hit on women at inappropriate times.

At a bar after work?  Go ahead!

Almost anywhere else?  Your advances are unwelcome, and you ought to know that already.

Most women get hit on all the time, and it's extremely annoying.  If you don't see how that would be annoying, then you're indulging in your male privilege.  Not that there's anything wrong with having that privilege, of course.  Just be aware of it, and stop pretending that your experience is the same as women's experiences.  Getting hit on when you're trying to do some mundane task is not fun.


Don't like it? Try a little more equality, and start hitting on men. When you put the onus on men to initiate the conversation (and that still very much is our culture), you get men hitting on you at times you don't like. We don't have some magical sense of when you're open to it or not- some women are open to the idea of a relationship starting over a random, unplanned moment. The onus is on men to ask and be turned down, so we have to try, and that's going to lead to awkward moments for both parties.

But here's a thought: Maybe if women initiated more of the contact, this would be less of an issue, and everybody would have a better understanding of the boundaries? As a male, it is very, very difficult to judge where the line is, especially since it varies from women to women. And in our culture, men who want relationships are pretty much required to take that risk, and when you have 50% of the human population trying to judge that line, there are going to be some who guess wrong.

C'mon feminists, invite a guy out for a beer sometime. Pick out the guys you want, and see if they're open to it. Yes, that means exposing yourself to rejection. Learn how that can feel, and you might understand why the only guys who ever approach you seem to be assholes.
 
2013-06-15 06:34:46 PM  

Skyrmion: I guess she doesn't realize this is spam and a scam [link is to similar examples].


I just got a friend request from a very attractive women I don't remember meeting on facebook today. Do you think she might really like me?

\Sent a message asking how she knows me.
\\Not particularly expecting a response.
 
2013-06-15 06:53:07 PM  

Cream of Meat: American women are assholes.


Translation: I can't get laid.
 
2013-06-15 07:49:06 PM  
img.photobucket.com
www.krusecontrolinc.com
 
2013-06-15 07:52:41 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: Cream of Meat: American women are assholes.

Go into it with that attitude and I'm shocked, SHOCKED, that panties don't drop everywhere you go.

/wouldn't give a shiatty attitude like yours a second glance


How did he "go into it with that attitude"?
Did you even read the link?
You sound like the American woman he is talking about.
 
xcv
2013-06-15 10:20:03 PM  

cptjeff: NetOwl: Its seems that many (most?) men are unaware of how creepy they are when they hit on women at inappropriate times.

At a bar after work?  Go ahead!

Almost anywhere else?  Your advances are unwelcome, and you ought to know that already.

Most women get hit on all the time, and it's extremely annoying.  If you don't see how that would be annoying, then you're indulging in your male privilege.  Not that there's anything wrong with having that privilege, of course.  Just be aware of it, and stop pretending that your experience is the same as women's experiences.  Getting hit on when you're trying to do some mundane task is not fun.

Don't like it? Try a little more equality, and start hitting on men. When you put the onus on men to initiate the conversation (and that still very much is our culture), you get men hitting on you at times you don't like. We don't have some magical sense of when you're open to it or not- some women are open to the idea of a relationship starting over a random, unplanned moment. The onus is on men to ask and be turned down, so we have to try, and that's going to lead to awkward moments for both parties.

But here's a thought: Maybe if women initiated more of the contact, this would be less of an issue, and everybody would have a better understanding of the boundaries? As a male, it is very, very difficult to judge where the line is, especially since it varies from women to women. And in our culture, men who want relationships are pretty much required to take that risk, and when you have 50% of the human population trying to judge that line, there are going to be some who guess wrong.

C'mon feminists, invite a guy out for a beer sometime. Pick out the guys you want, and see if they're open to it. Yes, that means exposing yourself to rejection. Learn how that can feel, and you might understand why the only guys who ever approach you seem to be assholes.


Feminists? I think those women are called groupies.
 
2013-06-15 11:38:43 PM  
Don't you guys know that as soon as you hit on a woman you become unattractive?  It is automatically assumed that there is something wrong with you or you want something dirty from her.

/I'm kind of joking...kind of...however, sadly this is kind of the true feelings behind it.  Whether it's "fair" or not is another issue, but I have seen it happen countless times (or felt it myself).  It's not a conscious thing for most women though as far as I can tell.  It's an instinctual protective thing.

The trick is to hit on her without obviously hitting on her.  It's a tricky skill.  However, I will agree that women should make the effort if they find a guy attractive and want him to talk to her.

/Glad I'm happily married and don't have to worry about this stuff.
 
2013-06-16 01:11:29 AM  

PillsHere: Glad I'm happily married and don't have to worry about this stuff.


Yanno, I am too, but I still worry about women being creeped out by me just being friendly, and that's farking annoying, though it makes a good shiatty people filter.
 
2013-06-16 01:15:14 AM  
 Medic Zero:/ She's nasty and likely got the herp, want her number?

That's disgusting.  Try to keep it classy on Fark.

/EIP
 
2013-06-16 03:33:35 AM  

PillsHere: Don't you guys know that as soon as you hit on a woman you become unattractive?  It is automatically assumed that there is something wrong with you or you want something dirty from her.

/I'm kind of joking...kind of...however, sadly this is kind of the true feelings behind it.  Whether it's "fair" or not is another issue, but I have seen it happen countless times (or felt it myself).  It's not a conscious thing for most women though as far as I can tell.  It's an instinctual protective thing.

The trick is to hit on her without obviously hitting on her.  It's a tricky skill.  However, I will agree that women should make the effort if they find a guy attractive and want him to talk to her.

/Glad I'm happily married and don't have to worry about this stuff.


It's kind of amusing. If I go by farkettes, the following is true: 1. Don't ever hit on a woman if she doesn't want me to. 2. Don't be nice to a woman I might want to someday hit on because I'm either friendzoning myself or worse I become 'the nice guy' who is secretly a vile scumbag. 3. If you aren't nice to women, it is because you are a misogynistic woman hater.

/yes yes, I know not all women are the same, just pointing out the silliness of it all. It almost makes one long for the days of arranged marriages.
 
2013-06-16 04:28:00 AM  
I really need to stop clicking on Jezebel links. Very rarely does that site post content that is actually intuitive / interesting / well-written.
 
2013-06-16 12:31:48 PM  

ng2810: harlock: If girl is not attracted to guy, advances are creepy, gross and oh my god why would anyone do that, I can't believe anyone would try that.

If girl is attracted to guy, it's totally cool and here's my number!

So if a guy was being hit on by a grotesque 300 lb. drunk-off-her-ass 50 year old woman full of wrinkles and in a skin-tight dress, he would be all over that?


I actually find it a bit traumatic, since it seems there's always something massively wrong with the women who do hit on me.
 
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