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(The Sun)   "Following a letter from lawyers from the Church, we apologize to any alien life forms for linking them to Scientologists"   (thesun.co.uk) divider line 32
    More: Amusing, churches, aliens, silver discs  
•       •       •

7311 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jun 2013 at 11:10 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



32 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2013-06-14 11:12:22 AM  
Don't piss off the aliens that way, they may decide to do an investigative probe regarding your new journalism
 
2013-06-14 11:16:20 AM  
Apology letter hand delivered to this special building. It appears to have been a cold day.

farm3.staticflickr.com
 
2013-06-14 11:17:55 AM  
http://www.epsilonprogram.com/kifflom.htm

The 12 Tenets of Kifflom

1. The world is 157 years old - FACT!

2.Dinosaurs are a lie that people believe because they are weak -  FACT!

3. You are happy, you just don't know it -  FACT!

4.We all come from the same tree - FACT!

5. Everyone is related to everyone else, except for people with red hair -  FACT!

6. Sperm does not exist - it is a lie spread by biology teachers - along with everything else you have ever been told -  FACT!

7. Men are supposed to lie with nine new partners a week. Women are supposed to lie with six, except for in July, when they must lie with five men a day -  FACT!

8. Aliens exist and are present on earth. If you have a birth mark, you may be descended from Kraff, the famous Emperor of the 4th Paradigm -  FACT!

9. Trees talk, but only some people hear them -  FACT!

10. People who believe in something live much longer than atheists, and they have eternal life thrown in for good measure -  FACT!

11. If you believe this and turn your hands and wallet over to EPSILONISM, you'll live a happy life. Otherwise you are doomed -  FACT!

12. KIFFLOM - HAPPINESS IS YOURS! KIFFLOM!
 
2013-06-14 11:31:54 AM  
A.L.F.?
 
2013-06-14 11:44:15 AM  
I wanted to see the letter... and whether what they did complied.
 
2013-06-14 12:22:41 PM  
Isn't the whole point of Scientology (apart from that whole "give them all your money" business) the notion that we're all infested with aliens?
 
2013-06-14 12:25:39 PM  
www.bjwinslow.com

Y'k Rekpo XXXVII, Chief Lawmaster of The Interstellar Dominion of Baal, was reportedly on hand with his slave women to receive the apology
 
2013-06-14 12:25:53 PM  

orbister: Isn't the whole point of Scientology (apart from that whole "give them all your money" business) the notion that we're all infested with aliens?


Sounds sexy.

I'm in.
 
2013-06-14 12:28:55 PM  

megarian: orbister: Isn't the whole point of Scientology (apart from that whole "give them all your money" business) the notion that we're all infested with aliens?

Sounds sexy.

I'm in.


Is a morbid fear of L Ron Hubbard xenuphobia?
 
2013-06-14 12:33:08 PM  

rufus-t-firefly: http://www.epsilonprogram.com/kifflom.htm

The 12 Tenets of Kifflom

1. The world is 157 years old - FACT!

2.Dinosaurs are a lie that people believe because they are weak -  FACT!

3. You are happy, you just don't know it -  FACT!

4.We all come from the same tree - FACT!

5. Everyone is related to everyone else, except for people with red hair -  FACT!

6. Sperm does not exist - it is a lie spread by biology teachers - along with everything else you have ever been told -  FACT!

7. Men are supposed to lie with nine new partners a week. Women are supposed to lie with six, except for in July, when they must lie with five men a day -  FACT!

8. Aliens exist and are present on earth. If you have a birth mark, you may be descended from Kraff, the famous Emperor of the 4th Paradigm -  FACT!

9. Trees talk, but only some people hear them -  FACT!

10. People who believe in something live much longer than atheists, and they have eternal life thrown in for good measure -  FACT!

11. If you believe this and turn your hands and wallet over to EPSILONISM, you'll live a happy life. Otherwise you are doomed -  FACT!

12. KIFFLOM - HAPPINESS IS YOURS! KIFFLOM!


Farking July.
 
2013-06-14 12:43:18 PM  

megarian: orbister: Isn't the whole point of Scientology (apart from that whole "give them all your money" business) the notion that we're all infested with aliens?

Sounds sexy.

I'm in.


Man, nobody calls MY infestations sexy. Some guys have all the luck.
 
2013-06-14 12:48:18 PM  
lifelibertytech.com
She will blow you up with volcanoes.
 
2013-06-14 01:03:38 PM  
Who wants to be associated with a place that sucks Thetan dick?
 
2013-06-14 01:10:06 PM  

orbister: Isn't the whole point of Scientology (apart from that whole "give them all your money" business) the notion that we're all infested with aliens?


If I understand it correctly people who are told about the Xenu thing before reaching some O.T. level risk dying because they aren't ready for the knowledge.
 
2013-06-14 01:39:06 PM  
Lawsuits are a $cientology trademark. The legally binding billion-year contract to slave work for Sea Org is laughable. Want to experience a Holiday in Hell? Try photography on Clearwater, FL $cieno buildings.
The paper is right on the apology. Even on a bad day, average aliens are smarter and have more savvy- quite a bit more.
 
2013-06-14 01:39:36 PM  
And a well-deserved apology it is. Even aliens know that having to pay continuously to "worship" a "Higher Power" is a scam of the most obvious sort.
 
2013-06-14 01:50:21 PM  

wambu: Who wants to be associated with a place that sucks Thetan dick?


Thetanists?
 
2013-06-14 01:52:56 PM  

orbister: megarian: orbister: Isn't the whole point of Scientology (apart from that whole "give them all your money" business) the notion that we're all infested with aliens?

Sounds sexy.

I'm in.

Is a morbid fear of L Ron Hubbard xenuphobia?


Alright, that was pretty funny.
 
2013-06-14 02:04:44 PM  

rufus-t-firefly: http://www.epsilonprogram.com/kifflom.htm

The 12 Tenets of Kifflom

1. The world is 157 years old - FACT!

2.Dinosaurs are a lie that people believe because they are weak -  FACT!

3. You are happy, you just don't know it -  FACT!

4.We all come from the same tree - FACT!

5. Everyone is related to everyone else, except for people with red hair -  FACT!

6. Sperm does not exist - it is a lie spread by biology teachers - along with everything else you have ever been told -  FACT!

7. Men are supposed to lie with nine new partners a week. Women are supposed to lie with six, except for in July, when they must lie with five men a day -  FACT!

8. Aliens exist and are present on earth. If you have a birth mark, you may be descended from Kraff, the famous Emperor of the 4th Paradigm -  FACT!

9. Trees talk, but only some people hear them -  FACT!

10. People who believe in something live much longer than atheists, and they have eternal life thrown in for good measure -  FACT!

11. If you believe this and turn your hands and wallet over to EPSILONISM, you'll live a happy life. Otherwise you are doomed -  FACT!

12. KIFFLOM - HAPPINESS IS YOURS! KIFFLOM!


Not sure whether I should scream for joy or run fear....

//I haz birthmark.
 
2013-06-14 02:20:03 PM  

orbister: Isn't the whole point of Scientology (apart from that whole "give them all your money" business) the notion that we're all infested with aliens?


No, it's that we are the alien infestation.
 
2013-06-14 02:36:55 PM  
$cientology is a valid religion.
i.imgur.com

 
2013-06-14 02:46:04 PM  

rufus-t-firefly: The 12 Tenets of Kifflom


The best satire takes a bit to see as satire.  That said, given the IQ of the average Joe the website creator is likely wealthy.
 
2013-06-14 02:51:49 PM  

rufus-t-firefly: http://www.epsilonprogram.com/kifflom.htm

The 12 Tenets of Kifflom

1. The world is 157 years old - FACT!

2.Dinosaurs are a lie that people believe because they are weak -  FACT!

3. You are happy, you just don't know it -  FACT!

4.We all come from the same tree - FACT!

5. Everyone is related to everyone else, except for people with red hair -  FACT!

6. Sperm does not exist - it is a lie spread by biology teachers - along with everything else you have ever been told -  FACT!

7. Men are supposed to lie with nine new partners a week. Women are supposed to lie with six, except for in July, when they must lie with five men a day -  FACT!

8. Aliens exist and are present on earth. If you have a birth mark, you may be descended from Kraff, the famous Emperor of the 4th Paradigm -  FACT!

9. Trees talk, but only some people hear them -  FACT!

10. People who believe in something live much longer than atheists, and they have eternal life thrown in for good measure -  FACT!

11. If you believe this and turn your hands and wallet over to EPSILONISM, you'll live a happy life. Otherwise you are doomed -  FACT!

12. KIFFLOM - HAPPINESS IS YOURS! KIFFLOM!


Wasn't that the cult from GTA-SA?
 
2013-06-14 03:01:26 PM  

rufus-t-firefly: http://www.epsilonprogram.com/kifflom.htm

The 12 Tenets of Kifflom

11. If you believe this and turn your hands and wallet over to EPSILONISM, you'll live a happy life. Otherwise you are doomed -  FACT!


That one says it all. If'n ya got no money, ya'll got no worries. So give it all to me!

/EIP
 
2013-06-14 03:06:17 PM  

A Terrible Human: rufus-t-firefly: http://www.epsilonprogram.com/kifflom.htm

The 12 Tenets of Kifflom . . .

Wasn't that the cult from GTA-SA?


Apparently. And apparently Dwight Schrute wrote the tenets.
 
2013-06-14 03:29:32 PM  

megarian: orbister: Is a morbid fear of L Ron Hubbard xenuphobia?

Alright, that was pretty funny.


Thanks, folks, I'm here all week. Hey, I just flew in to Teegeeack and boy, are my curiously DC8 like intergalactic spacecraft tired. Take my Thetan-in-law ... please.
 
2013-06-14 03:59:53 PM  
That's an achievement - the entire article contained in the Fark headline

Don't recall seeing that before
 
2013-06-14 04:09:05 PM  

DerAppie: If I understand it correctly people who are told about the Xenu thing before reaching some O.T. level risk dying because they aren't ready for the knowledge.


Either of laughter or embarrassment, depending on how much they wasted on that crap.
 
2013-06-14 06:16:36 PM  
Scientology is the vanguard of Alien Overlords looking to collect the vig.

/true story
 
2013-06-15 12:26:06 AM  

antidumbass: Lawsuits are a $cientology trademark. The legally binding billion-year contract to slave work for Sea Org is laughable. Want to experience a Holiday in Hell? Try photography on Clearwater, FL $cieno buildings.
The paper is right on the apology. Even on a bad day, average aliens are smarter and have more savvy- quite a bit more.




Drive by works for me. but I usually avoid downtown Clearwater.
 
2013-06-15 12:45:30 AM  

orbister: megarian: orbister: Is a morbid fear of L Ron Hubbard xenuphobia?

Alright, that was pretty funny.

Thanks, folks, I'm here all week. Hey, I just flew in to Teegeeack and boy, are my curiously DC8 like intergalactic spacecraft tired. Take my Thetan-in-law ... please.


give an inch
 
2013-06-15 08:40:52 AM  
IMHO, Scientology was specifically designed to separate people with massive egos and minimal intelligence from large amounts of cash. Hence its success in Hollywierd, Home of the Supersize Whopper Ego!
(Tom Cruise, John Travolta. Need I say more?)
 
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