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(West Virginia Record)   If you get drunk, stick fireworks up your butt and fall off your dormitory balcony, don't sue the college. It's really not their fault you're so stupid   (wvrecord.com) divider line 61
    More: Amusing, Louis Helmburg, bottle rockets, Marshall University, causes of action, compensatory damages  
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7476 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jun 2013 at 1:13 AM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-14 12:45:36 AM
attempting to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus at a fraternity party

Oh how did I just know frat boys would be involved? Was there butt chugging involved also? Totally NOT GAY.

And ow!, splinters.
 
2013-06-14 01:16:07 AM
Turns out there wasn't a railing on the deck and the guy injured was "startled" by the ass rockets. The lack of a railing at a place used mostly for drinking is a little disturbing.
 
2013-06-14 01:16:17 AM
Oregon State University settled a lawsuit because some idiot went up to an off campus frat house's party and after being told to leave he dove off the porch into a wading pool and broke his neck. It was a pirate themed party, hence the pool and a plank to walk. Anyhow, even though OSU doesn't supervise the frats, they still settled rather than risk the bad press.
 
2013-06-14 01:16:18 AM
This article is sponsored by Johnny Knoxville.
 
2013-06-14 01:17:34 AM
I'm sure Louis Helmburg III is very happy that for the rest of his life, anyone who googles his name will know he sued his university because he was stupid enough to stick fireworks up his butt.
 
2013-06-14 01:17:42 AM
We just one more successive butt article greenlit...
 
2013-06-14 01:17:52 AM
Butt trifecta in (ass) play?
 
2013-06-14 01:18:08 AM
Darwin shoots... annnd he misses.
 
2013-06-14 01:19:40 AM
God damn right it's his fault. Now if it was something like running into a plate glass window then he would have had some leverage.
 
2013-06-14 01:21:38 AM
files.abovetopsecret.com
 
2013-06-14 01:22:27 AM
Hey subby, the guy who is suing is not the guy who was firing bottle rockets out of his ass.
 
2013-06-14 01:26:09 AM
this is why people go to college now? to do weird things with their butts?
 
2013-06-14 01:26:31 AM
Reading the article can be helpful, people.
 
2013-06-14 01:28:30 AM
In regards to the lack of a railing, I would like to know how high this deck is.  I am not sure of the exact law in West Virginia but in most states there is a height exemption for railings on decks and porches.  It is usually right around 30 inches, so any deck that is less than 30 inches above the ground does not require a railing.  So, if this deck was higher than 30 inches then he might have a case.
 
2013-06-14 01:29:54 AM

JuggleGeek: I'm sure Louis Helmburg III is very happy that for the rest of his life, anyone who googles his name will know he sued his university because he was stupid enough to stick fireworks up his butt.


Only if the googler reads Fark posts that get the story entirely wrong.
 
2013-06-14 01:30:34 AM

Chabash: Oregon State University settled a lawsuit because some idiot went up to an off campus frat house's party and after being told to leave he dove off the porch into a wading pool and broke his neck. It was a pirate themed party, hence the pool and a plank to walk. Anyhow, even though OSU doesn't supervise the frats, they still settled rather than risk the bad press.


The same guy who was an alleged accomplice to an armed robbery (after being paralyzed)?
 
2013-06-14 01:31:46 AM

RottNDude: Butt trifecta in (ass) play?


And a natural Butt Hat Trick could be possible here...
 
2013-06-14 01:34:16 AM
Had a guy freshman year fall 1.5 stories from a balcony to his head. He had consumed a couple 30 packs that weekend and was out for a smoke. For whatever reason he decided to jump, his foot caught, and he made the most terrible sound i have heard in my life. Some other drunken idiots wanted to carry him to the medical center, I freaking almost had to clock them for their idiocy. I got someone to get a blanket, someone else to call the ambulance, and made sure he didn't attempt to move his neck if he had woken up (he didn't until several hours after they pumped his stomach at the local ER). He got to spend the rest of the weekend with two very freaked out and angry parents and had to agree to a program in order to stay at the university. I don't think it would have crossed anyone's mind to sue to school...
 
2013-06-14 01:35:51 AM

puffy999: Chabash: Oregon State University settled a lawsuit because some idiot went up to an off campus frat house's party and after being told to leave he dove off the porch into a wading pool and broke his neck. It was a pirate themed party, hence the pool and a plank to walk. Anyhow, even though OSU doesn't supervise the frats, they still settled rather than risk the bad press.

The same guy who was an alleged accomplice to an armed robbery (after being paralyzed)?


One and the same. The stupidest part of it all is that the frat followed all their rules for people not on the approved guest list and they still got screwed.
 
2013-06-14 01:36:30 AM
 
2013-06-14 01:42:45 AM
I remember once coming across a picture of a girl with a roman candle in her ass.....

/these people must be a blast at parties
 
2013-06-14 01:49:18 AM

Mock26: Hey subby, the guy who is suing is not the guy who was firing bottle rockets out of his ass.


It's like six different guys:

Helmburg claimed...

Helburg claimed...

Helmberg is seeking...
 
2013-06-14 01:58:48 AM

Chabash: Oregon State University settled a lawsuit because some idiot went up to an off campus frat house's party and after being told to leave he dove off the porch into a wading pool and broke his neck. It was a pirate themed party, hence the pool and a plank to walk. Anyhow, even though OSU doesn't supervise the frats, they still settled rather than risk the bad press.


I pledged a frat at OSU, so I got a kick out of this post. A three month crash course on male assholery.
 
2013-06-14 01:59:12 AM

illannoyin: NSFW Link


'that's hot"
 
2013-06-14 02:08:22 AM

robodog: Had a guy freshman year fall 1.5 stories from a balcony to his head. He had consumed a couple 30 packs that weekend and was out for a smoke. For whatever reason he decided to jump, his foot caught, and he made the most terrible sound i have heard in my life. Some other drunken idiots wanted to carry him to the medical center, I freaking almost had to clock them for their idiocy. I got someone to get a blanket, someone else to call the ambulance, and made sure he didn't attempt to move his neck if he had woken up (he didn't until several hours after they pumped his stomach at the local ER). He got to spend the rest of the weekend with two very freaked out and angry parents and had to agree to a program in order to stay at the university. I don't think it would have crossed anyone's mind to sue to school...


Shows the need for effective legal counsel.

/effective for the counselor, that is.
 
2013-06-14 02:14:09 AM

LordOfThePings: Mock26: Hey subby, the guy who is suing is not the guy who was firing bottle rockets out of his ass.

It's like six different guys:

Helmburg claimed...

Helburg claimed...

Helmberg is seeking...


"Hughes became intoxicated and attempted to "shoot bottle rockets out of his anus on the ATO deck." When doing so, Hughes startled Helmburg, who then jumped back and fell off of the deck of the fraternity house and was injured"
 
2013-06-14 02:16:14 AM
Is there some rule that gives an automatic green light when subby clearly DNRTFA?
 
2013-06-14 02:18:23 AM
I have been seriously drunk more than a few times in my life and done some really stupid things (such as climbing the external ladders and walkways to get to the top of a factory) but I have never been so drunk as to want to shove things up my butt let alone shove flammable things up my butt!
 
2013-06-14 02:36:59 AM

doctor wu: Reading the article can be helpful, people.


Don't stop them, they're on a roll.
 
2013-06-14 02:55:25 AM
Mock26

Seven, then.
 
2013-06-14 03:42:06 AM
It's probably my skewed American upbringing, but the actual events seem like a reasonable basis for civil lawsuit. The fraternity holding parties on a tall deck with no railings ignored the building statutes, which have very detailed rules about decks to ensure safety.

Maybe the blame should be split, with a mix of responsibility between the plaintiff and defendants, since the plaintiff willingly went out on a deck that lacked a railing, but I don't think that should absolve the defendants of any responsibility.
 
2013-06-14 04:29:44 AM

T Baggins: It's probably my skewed American upbringing, but the actual events seem like a reasonable basis for civil lawsuit. The fraternity holding parties on a tall deck with no railings ignored the building statutes, which have very detailed rules about decks to ensure safety.

Maybe the blame should be split, with a mix of responsibility between the plaintiff and defendants, since the plaintiff willingly went out on a deck that lacked a railing, but I don't think that should absolve the defendants of any responsibility.


How tall was the deck, though?  Up to around thirty inches and you do not need a railing. (It varies from area to area but around 30 inches is the norm.)   As for the party, yeah odds are that the frat was breaking the law, but only if they were serving alcohol to minors.  And if that is the case they it has nothing to do with the kid who is suing.  As for the guy with the bottle rocket up his butt, maybe there might be a case against him for reckless endangerment, but who can say for sure?  Going after the school and the frat is just stupid though.  Assuming the deck is low enough that it does not need a railing they did nothing wrong against this kid.  Based on what is written in the story it appears that the kid had an unfortunate accident.  Every time you have an accident you do not have to point the finger looking to blame someone else.  It sounds like he was just trying to make a quick buck.
 
2013-06-14 04:30:30 AM
I have had a good bit of bourbon, but if the picture is any indication, I would help him stick something up his butt.
 
2013-06-14 04:54:02 AM

Mock26: T Baggins: It's probably my skewed American upbringing, but the actual events seem like a reasonable basis for civil lawsuit. The fraternity holding parties on a tall deck with no railings ignored the building statutes, which have very detailed rules about decks to ensure safety.

Maybe the blame should be split, with a mix of responsibility between the plaintiff and defendants, since the plaintiff willingly went out on a deck that lacked a railing, but I don't think that should absolve the defendants of any responsibility.

How tall was the deck, though?  Up to around thirty inches and you do not need a railing. (It varies from area to area but around 30 inches is the norm.)   As for the party, yeah odds are that the frat was breaking the law, but only if they were serving alcohol to minors.  And if that is the case they it has nothing to do with the kid who is suing.  As for the guy with the bottle rocket up his butt, maybe there might be a case against him for reckless endangerment, but who can say for sure?  Going after the school and the frat is just stupid though.  Assuming the deck is low enough that it does not need a railing they did nothing wrong against this kid.  Based on what is written in the story it appears that the kid had an unfortunate accident.  Every time you have an accident you do not have to point the finger looking to blame someone else.  It sounds like he was just trying to make a quick buck.


The text of  the lawsuit alleges that the deck was 3-4 feet high; never had a railing; and should have had a railing per local building codes.  That's negligence per se.

http://kevinunderhill.typepad.com/Documents/Pleadings/Bottle%20Rocke t. pdf

Negligence under common law need not rely on building codes.  Frat failed to take reasonable care for invitees' safety by allowing underage drinking and dangerous activities.   "Ultra-hazardous activity" is also claimed, making this a strict liability action.  There are no circumstances under which it's reasonable to permit underage drinking or shooting bottle rockets out of anuses.
 
2013-06-14 05:12:15 AM

BarkingUnicorn: Mock26: T Baggins: It's probably my skewed American upbringing, but the actual events seem like a reasonable basis for civil lawsuit. The fraternity holding parties on a tall deck with no railings ignored the building statutes, which have very detailed rules about decks to ensure safety.

Maybe the blame should be split, with a mix of responsibility between the plaintiff and defendants, since the plaintiff willingly went out on a deck that lacked a railing, but I don't think that should absolve the defendants of any responsibility.

How tall was the deck, though?  Up to around thirty inches and you do not need a railing. (It varies from area to area but around 30 inches is the norm.)   As for the party, yeah odds are that the frat was breaking the law, but only if they were serving alcohol to minors.  And if that is the case they it has nothing to do with the kid who is suing.  As for the guy with the bottle rocket up his butt, maybe there might be a case against him for reckless endangerment, but who can say for sure?  Going after the school and the frat is just stupid though.  Assuming the deck is low enough that it does not need a railing they did nothing wrong against this kid.  Based on what is written in the story it appears that the kid had an unfortunate accident.  Every time you have an accident you do not have to point the finger looking to blame someone else.  It sounds like he was just trying to make a quick buck.

The text of  the lawsuit alleges that the deck was 3-4 feet high; never had a railing; and should have had a railing per local building codes.  That's negligence per se.

http://kevinunderhill.typepad.com/Documents/Pleadings/Bottle%20Rocke t. pdf

Negligence under common law need not rely on building codes.  Frat failed to take reasonable care for invitees' safety by allowing underage drinking and dangerous activities.   "Ultra-hazardous activity" is also claimed, making this a strict liability action.

There are no circumstances under which it's reasonable to permit underage drinking or shooting bottle rockets out of anuses.

What the lawsuit alleges and what it actually was might not be the same thing.

As for underage drinking, how does the frat's breaking of that law directly affect him?  The law is one that prohibits an activity (minors drinking), it is not a law that protects others (such as a law against drunk driving).  I seriously doubt the guy has a case against the fraternity for allowing underage drinking.  It really is not a negligent act.  Illegal, yes, but not negligent.  The frat can still be in trouble, but it would have to be the City or the State pressing charges.

And did the fraternity really "permit" this guy to try and shoot a bottle rocket out of his butt?  No.  The guy went ahead and did it.  Someone doing something stupid does not mean that those around him expressly allowed it.  For example, if I am having a party at my house and one of the guests hauls off and punches another I am not responsible for what he did.  I did not "permit" him to throw the punch.  He just did it.  So you cannot really hold the frat responsible for this guy's failed butt rocket.
 
2013-06-14 05:50:16 AM

Mock26: The text of  the lawsuit alleges that the deck was 3-4 feet high; never had a railing; and should have had a railing per local building codes.  That's negligence per se.

http://kevinunderhill.typepad.com/Documents/Pleadings/Bottle%20Rocke t. pdf

Negligence under common law need not rely on building codes.  Frat failed to take reasonable care for invitees' safety by allowing underage drinking and dangerous activities.   "Ultra-hazardous activity" is also claimed, making this a strict liability action. There are no circumstances under which it's reasonable to permit underage drinking or shooting bottle rockets out of anuses.

What the lawsuit alleges and what it actually was might not be the same thing.

As for underage drinking, how does the frat's breaking of that law directly affect him?  The law is one that prohibits an activity (minors drinking), it is not a law that protects others (such as a law against drunk driving).  I seriously doubt the guy has a case against the fraternity for allowing underage drinking.  It really is not a negligent act.  Illegal, yes, but not negligent.  The frat can still be in trouble, but it would have to be the City or the State pressing charges.

And did the fraternity really "permit" this guy to try and shoot a bottle rocket out of his butt?  No.  The guy went ahead and did it.  Someone doing something stupid does not mean that those around him expressly allowed it.  For example, if I am having a party at my house and one of the guests hauls off and punches another I am not responsible for what he did.  I did not "permit" him to throw the punch.  He just did it.  So you cannot really hold the frat responsible for this guy's failed butt rocket.


0/10 - ignorance must be feigned credibly.
 
2013-06-14 06:28:48 AM
butt butt butt i done saw it on the yooootuuuuuuuuube
 
2013-06-14 07:08:57 AM
Subby cannot read.
 
2013-06-14 07:23:27 AM
I went greek, and yes, the collection of asstards (HA!) is disproportionately higher than in the general population. Lots of cool people, but lots of morons too.
 
2013-06-14 07:36:08 AM
My favorite video of all time.

NSFW - funny as hell.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AF73TEMmDUI
 
2013-06-14 07:47:10 AM
Subtard has poor reading comprehension skills.
 
2013-06-14 08:12:37 AM
No, but it *is* their fault for letting such a dumbass in.

Oh, it's West Virginia. Carry on.
 
2013-06-14 08:32:12 AM
What is it with fraternities and ass-shenanigans?
 
2013-06-14 08:33:15 AM

Mock26: In regards to the lack of a railing, I would like to know how high this deck is.  I am not sure of the exact law in West Virginia but in most states there is a height exemption for railings on decks and porches.  It is usually right around 30 inches, so any deck that is less than 30 inches above the ground does not require a railing.  So, if this deck was higher than 30 inches then he might have a case.


Another point for the case is the school should reject more idiots like these during enrollment.  It is the school's fault he attends.
 
2013-06-14 08:38:07 AM
West Virginia Code required Helmburg to provide the president of the university and the West Virginia Attorney General's Office with notice of his claim and the relief sought in writing by certified mail at least 30 days before filing suit, which he failed to do, according to an Order Granting Marshall University Board of Governors' Motion to Dismiss filed March 14.

Helmburg "failed to satisfy the pre-suit notice requirement mandated by W.Va. Code...and, therefore, the Court is expressly prohibited from asserting personal jurisdiction over defendant Marshall University Board of Governors," the motion states.

"Further, it is hereby ordered that plaintiff's causes of action against the other defendants in this matter shall be unaffected by the dismissal granted this day in favor of defendant Marshall University Board of Governors."


The university escaped because someone forgot to send them a registered letter. Sure hope he wasn't pre-law.

.
 
2013-06-14 09:08:59 AM

Mock26: I have been seriously drunk more than a few times in my life and done some really stupid things (such as climbing the external ladders and walkways to get to the top of a factory) but I have never been so drunk as to want to shove things up my butt let alone shove flammable things up my butt!


Seriously. Is there something in the water? Or is it something about liquor with energy drinks? I have thrown a flaming kitchen table (and accompanying chairs) off of rooftops, been arrested (unrelated), and gotten lost in many cornfields for hours, but I have never thought "hmmm...bottle
rocket? What about butt rocket!"...or anything foregin-object-butt situation.

Maybe I'm doing it wrong.
 
2013-06-14 09:13:01 AM
*involving a foregin-object-butt situation.
 
2013-06-14 09:23:01 AM
Apparently, it's National Put Strange Things In Your Butt Day, because two threads in and we're already going for the elusive Put Strange Things In Your Butt trifecta.

It's also National Bourbon Day, but I can see how the two could be successfully combined.
 
2013-06-14 09:27:03 AM
Sounds like the claimant may have had a case for improper building code / lack of a proper railing, but he failed to get his filing done correctly.

Now....I've seen the videos before of idiots shooting bottle rockets out of their asses.  Just WTF.  What is with these idiots that risk 3rd degree burns to their anuses and possible mass tissue destruction from the bottle rocket when it explodes after it fails to launch.

I'd like to know how to mentally process this kind of thinking because I'm pretty sure my 18 year old could possibly be talked into doing something that stupid.....I'd like to know how to pre-emptivily discourage him from blowing up his ass and causing me thousands in medical expenses.
 
2013-06-14 09:47:18 AM

TalonZahn: My favorite video of all time.

NSFW - funny as hell.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AF73TEMmDUI


Thankfully I've got my own office - I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. Without a doubt the funniest thing I've seen this year.
 
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