If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Edmonton Journal)   New app would allow you to snitch on illegal parkers, and get rewarded with a cut of the fine. It will also become commonplace to beat people to a pulp if they're caught using said app   (edmontonjournal.com) divider line 199
    More: Stupid, handicapped parking, website designers  
•       •       •

6044 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jun 2013 at 6:42 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



199 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-06-12 09:56:10 PM

OgreMagi: kc278: Fonaibung: scottydoesntknow: Fonaibung: scottydoesntknow: Fonaibung: Oh yeah, and am I the only one that has keyed cars for parking like assholes, or for cutting me off on the freeway?

Sorry to be the one to inform you of this, but keying a car makes you a bigger asshole than anyone else.

Why? It's not like I'm keying someone that doesn't deserve it. It's targeted justice.

Property damage. Keying a car is about as low as you can possibly get.

Beg to differ: an able-bodied person parking in a handicapped spot is as low as you can possibly get.

I don't feel at all bad for keying someone's car if they deserve it. If I were causing wanton property damage, then yes.

I'm with you. No "banal evils" infuriate me more than those committed by self-entitled assholes.

If you consciously choose to do something so blatantly and publicly callous as thumbing your nose at farking disabled people for the sole purpose of defying anyone to call you on it, you deserve just exactly what you get -- up to and including a therapeutic ass beating should you choose to press the issue.

Not meaning to defend people who park in handicap spaces, but I wish the laws about space allocation were more reasonable.  Currently, a certain percentage of spaces must be handicapped.  So at places like my work, we have a dozen spaces taken up when half that would be more than enough.  I don't think I've ever seen more than one space used at any one time.  I think my local BART station has about 30 spaces set aside.  I don't think there's that many people with handicapped plates in the entire city.


Living in So Cal, I can't reasonably disagree with your premise. But I'd still rather there be "too many" handicapped spots than not enough at a given place/time. Bearing in mind that you and I fortunately have the option of walking a few extra feet if need be.

/This from someone who believes, based on no little direct personal experience, that most of those farkers are sandbagging:  http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2013/01/31/cbs2-investigation-reveals- r ampant-fraud-in-use-of-disabled-parking-placards/

//If you're that much of a douchebag, you're beyond my ire.
 
2013-06-12 10:06:09 PM

scottydoesntknow: This is no different than CrimeStoppers or 222-TIPS. Those people get a reward for any information leading to arrests of individuals who broke the law.

Don't want to get a fine for illegally parking? Don't illegally park. I got some douchebag's car in my apartment complex towed because he insisted on double-parking his ugly truck over two handicapped spots (no placard of course). First I put a sign on his window saying "Stupidity is not a handicap. Park here again and I'll make sure it's towed." He challenged it so I called the office and watched as a tow truck came and picked it up.


Exactly.  While there are example of unreasonable parking laws and insane enforcement of reasonable laws in general parking laws exist to apportion out a limited resource fairly.

apoptotic: It occurs to me that someone with photoshop skills could use this to keep the parking authority busy running around the city like chickens with their heads cut off. Not that I'm suggesting such a thing, of course. My brain is just in its "how could this possibly backfire in spectacular fashion" default mode.


I think that's why they're making it an app rather than just allow photo submissions.

RogermcAllen: Much like in bottle return states, I expect a cottage industry to pop up where homeless people scour the city for illegally parked cars.


It wouldn't last long as people would start parking correctly when the parking enforcement suddenly was everywhere.

Gulper Eel: Drunks. I would snitch on drunks in a hot minute. At the insanely early hours I drive to work, I could cover my entire car insurance payment with a year's worth of turning in the wasted-ass weaving-all-over-the-road shiatheels who are out on the road at the same time I am.


I encounter few drunks but I certainly understand how you feel.

I have long advocated a somewhat different version of this--an anti-tamper video camera that you leave running in your car when you're driving.  When you see an offense you take out the chip and send it to the cops along with a small fee to discourage misuse of the system.  If the chip actually shows an offense and a plate you get the fee back, if the video convicts the guy you get a % of whatever the court gets.
 
2013-06-12 10:14:30 PM

kc278: OgreMagi: kc278: Fonaibung: scottydoesntknow: Fonaibung: scottydoesntknow: Fonaibung: Oh yeah, and am I the only one that has keyed cars for parking like assholes, or for cutting me off on the freeway?

Sorry to be the one to inform you of this, but keying a car makes you a bigger asshole than anyone else.

Why? It's not like I'm keying someone that doesn't deserve it. It's targeted justice.

Property damage. Keying a car is about as low as you can possibly get.

Beg to differ: an able-bodied person parking in a handicapped spot is as low as you can possibly get.

I don't feel at all bad for keying someone's car if they deserve it. If I were causing wanton property damage, then yes.

I'm with you. No "banal evils" infuriate me more than those committed by self-entitled assholes.

If you consciously choose to do something so blatantly and publicly callous as thumbing your nose at farking disabled people for the sole purpose of defying anyone to call you on it, you deserve just exactly what you get -- up to and including a therapeutic ass beating should you choose to press the issue.

Not meaning to defend people who park in handicap spaces, but I wish the laws about space allocation were more reasonable.  Currently, a certain percentage of spaces must be handicapped.  So at places like my work, we have a dozen spaces taken up when half that would be more than enough.  I don't think I've ever seen more than one space used at any one time.  I think my local BART station has about 30 spaces set aside.  I don't think there's that many people with handicapped plates in the entire city.

Living in So Cal, I can't reasonably disagree with your premise. But I'd still rather there be "too many" handicapped spots than not enough at a given place/time. Bearing in mind that you and I fortunately have the option of walking a few extra feet if need be.

/This from someone who believes, based on no little direct personal experience, that most of those farkers are sandbagging:  http ...


I don't mind too many handicapped spaces when there is plenty of parking available.  But too many times I've found myself circling around the BART parking lot trying to find a space with two entire rows of handicapped spaces sitting unused.  At least they're dealing with that particular station and are currently building a multilevel parking garage (which has temporarily made the parking issue even worse).
 
2013-06-12 10:21:44 PM

Too_many_Brians: This could effectively allow homeless people to make an income and stop begging.  It would be great.

/screw you illegal parkers


Since it's an app, I foresee a problem with the homeless making money this way.
 
2013-06-12 10:38:57 PM

Great Janitor: Too_many_Brians: This could effectively allow homeless people to make an income and stop begging.  It would be great.

/screw you illegal parkers

Since it's an app, I foresee a problem with the homeless making money this way.


Why?  They all have Obamaphones

/ring-ring-ring-ring
 
2013-06-12 10:44:08 PM
1) Carry one of those tools for removing the stem valve from the valve stem.

2) Use it on illegally parked cars.

3) Leave stem valve taped to windshield so offender knows their tire hasn't been slashed or otherwise damaged, to avoid committing "vandalism".

4) Profit!
 
2013-06-12 10:45:37 PM
5) Use on idiots' cars also.
 
2013-06-12 10:48:29 PM

scottydoesntknow: Fonaibung: scottydoesntknow: Fonaibung: Oh yeah, and am I the only one that has keyed cars for parking like assholes, or for cutting me off on the freeway?

Sorry to be the one to inform you of this, but keying a car makes you a bigger asshole than anyone else.

Why? It's not like I'm keying someone that doesn't deserve it. It's targeted justice.

Property damage. Keying a car is about as low as you can possibly get.


No Parking across multiple spaces is as low as you can get.... I've seen someone manage to get his car over 6 spaces.
 
2013-06-12 10:54:43 PM

pueblonative: FatherChaos: The followup to this story will be in a month or so with "45 people shot to death this month for snitching on illegal parkers, program revoked in the interest of public safety."

Hate to break it to you, but government types typically frown on people who even so much as spit in the direction of informants.  They use terms like "aggravating factors" and other things that tend to make stretches in the pen longer.


Unless you are informing the public of something the government is doing..... Then you get labeled a traitor
 
2013-06-12 10:56:11 PM

Mitch Taylor's Bro: GreenAdder: Mitch Taylor's Bro: No, it's a douchebag thing. If you do something wrong and someone "snitches," the right thing to do is accept your punishment like an adult and don't do it again.

But if someone only takes up one parking space, someone might dent the door on his 1998 Accord. Even worse, that person might have to walk an extra five feet to get into the store.

Judging from this website, this might actually be a worse problem than I first suspected.

http://iparklikeanass.com/



Hey! I park like that! Albeit several rows away from everyone else, so it doesn't inconvenience anyone.

Regarding the app, I'd happily use it to snitch on all the assholes who park within 30' of an intersection on our narrow streets here. Real fun seeing/getting around them.
 
2013-06-12 10:56:41 PM
I was waiting at a bus stop when some biatch parked her Beamer in the "no parking, bus stop" space and strutted across the street to a bistro.   I let the air out of two tires so the tow truck called by the bus driver wouldn't waste a trip.

Watched a guy park his Porsche in a no-parking zone right in front of me.  As he exited his car, he heard me saying into my phone, "Hello, Parking Control? I got a live one for  ya."  He cursed me, ranting that it was no big deal and he always parked there. He went into his building, but came back ten minutes later.  Cursed me again as he moved the car.   I didn't have Parking Control's number, of course.

Then there was the Caddy owner who thought it was cool to park at the corner, totally blocking the crosswalk and sidewalk.  I called to him as he returned with his ice cream cone, "Better have that engine checked, asshole!"  He walked all the way around his car looking high and low for damage; best of all, his ice cream fell out of the cone as he bent over. Hope the checkup cost him something substantial.
 
2013-06-12 10:59:45 PM

HAMMERTOE: 1) Carry one of those tools for removing the stem valve from the valve stem.

2) Use it on illegally parked cars.

3) Leave stem valve taped to windshield so offender knows their tire hasn't been slashed or otherwise damaged, to avoid committing "vandalism".

4) Profit!


If you carry some BBs, you can unscrew the valve stem cap, drop a BB into it, then screw it back on until you hear a "ssssss"
 
2013-06-12 11:03:42 PM

Johnson: If you carry some BBs, you can unscrew the valve stem cap, drop a BB into it, then screw it back on until you hear a "ssssss"


Newsletter, please. :-)
 
2013-06-12 11:04:56 PM
In the 80s I drove a beat up Honda Civic.  The body was so banged up that only the rust held it together.  But that engine just ran and ran (Honda makes great engines).  It was given to me because I couldn't afford a car at the time.  One day near christmas I'm trying to park at the mall.  The place is full and some douche with a porsche chose to take two spaces.  But he left just barely enough room for me to squeeze that piece of shiat car in and block the driver's side.  When I came out of the mall the porsche owner was just standing there.  I laughed, got in my beater, and drove off.  I hope he came out from shopping right when I went in.

I wouldn't do that with my brand new Miata.  There's something to be said for driving a car that you don't care if it gets damaged.
 
2013-06-12 11:06:34 PM

Johnson: HAMMERTOE: 1) Carry one of those tools for removing the stem valve from the valve stem.

2) Use it on illegally parked cars.

3) Leave stem valve taped to windshield so offender knows their tire hasn't been slashed or otherwise damaged, to avoid committing "vandalism".

4) Profit!

If you carry some BBs, you can unscrew the valve stem cap, drop a BB into it, then screw it back on until you hear a "ssssss"


Just loosen the valve stem to cause a very slow leak.  It's a punishment that could last for months before they figure it out.
 
2013-06-12 11:15:15 PM

badLogic: Pocket Ninja: I'm ambivalent on this for parking, but if they invented something similar to turn in the rat bastards who violate HOV lanes, I'd be all over it.

That, and some sort of law allowing me to run down people who leave their shopping carts in the middle of parking lots. Those two things are all I ask.

Agreed, plus people that use handicap spots who don't have the wheelie sticker.   Could we also start ticketing the douchbags that take up four parking spots at once in a parking lot?


Parking lots are private properties, the lines suggesting parking spaces and even stop signs within parking lots, are just that, suggestions. Not legally enforceable.

/ Parks in four spaces when he can
// Would never park in a handicapped space
 
2013-06-12 11:19:09 PM

OgreMagi: In the 80s I drove a beat up Honda Civic.  The body was so banged up that only the rust held it together.  But that engine just ran and ran (Honda makes great engines).  It was given to me because I couldn't afford a car at the time.  One day near christmas I'm trying to park at the mall.  The place is full and some douche with a porsche chose to take two spaces.  But he left just barely enough room for me to squeeze that piece of shiat car in and block the driver's side.  When I came out of the mall the porsche owner was just standing there.  I laughed, got in my beater, and drove off.  I hope he came out from shopping right when I went in.

I wouldn't do that with my brand new Miata.  There's something to be said for driving a car that you don't care if it gets damaged.




D1vwife has been bugging me for years to get a new truck, but I just can't get over the freedom that comes from driving a 22 year old tank that I don't give a damn if it gets scratched, bumped, or backed into.

( 91 Ford 1-ton. Dad backed into it with his skid-steer last weekend. Left a smudge on the bumper.)
 
2013-06-12 11:33:04 PM

Mitch Taylor's Bro: scottydoesntknow: Mitch Taylor's Bro: Gulper Eel: Pocket Ninja: I'm ambivalent on this for parking, but if they invented something similar to turn in the rat bastards who violate HOV lanes, I'd be all over it.

Drunks. I would snitch on drunks in a hot minute. At the insanely early hours I drive to work, I could cover my entire car insurance payment with a year's worth of turning in the wasted-ass weaving-all-over-the-road shiatheels who are out on the road at the same time I am.

I have considered buying a GoPro and mounting it somewhere on my car so I could document some of the BS I see on my relatively short commute. Maybe one on the back, too, for tailgaters. I could produce some kind of "Tosh.0" but focused solely on bad drivers.

I've wanted to get one of those small scrolling marquees you see at Office Depot for my back window. Put some pre-programmed lines in there like "Get off my ass dickhead" or "Left lane for passing only moron!" (and of course "thank you" when they're nice). That way I could voice my full opinion, more than just a finger can convey.

I had that idea, too! We should totally go into business! Can you do app development? Just program an Arduino with a few buttons that activate specific scrolling messages. we could sell them on thinkgeek.com :)


I've had the exact same idea, down to the Arduino to run it. Nice to know it's not just me that thinks of these things.

/not a lot of people seem to understand "keep right except to pass" in this state
//also hate driving in the right lane on I-90 in the middle of WA state at night with some d-bag going the same speed as me, but in the left lane and just a little behind me, so their lights are hitting my side mirror and practically blinding me
 
2013-06-12 11:33:11 PM
Instagram my car and get a free concussion!
 
2013-06-12 11:36:50 PM

Skyd1v: OgreMagi: In the 80s I drove a beat up Honda Civic.  The body was so banged up that only the rust held it together.  But that engine just ran and ran (Honda makes great engines).  It was given to me because I couldn't afford a car at the time.  One day near christmas I'm trying to park at the mall.  The place is full and some douche with a porsche chose to take two spaces.  But he left just barely enough room for me to squeeze that piece of shiat car in and block the driver's side.  When I came out of the mall the porsche owner was just standing there.  I laughed, got in my beater, and drove off.  I hope he came out from shopping right when I went in.

I wouldn't do that with my brand new Miata.  There's something to be said for driving a car that you don't care if it gets damaged.

D1vwife has been bugging me for years to get a new truck, but I just can't get over the freedom that comes from driving a 22 year old tank that I don't give a damn if it gets scratched, bumped, or backed into.

( 91 Ford 1-ton. Dad backed into it with his skid-steer last weekend. Left a smudge on the bumper.)


Obligatory Adam Sandler:  Piece of Shiat Car
 
2013-06-13 12:00:51 AM

OgreMagi: Johnson: HAMMERTOE: 1) Carry one of those tools for removing the stem valve from the valve stem.

2) Use it on illegally parked cars.

3) Leave stem valve taped to windshield so offender knows their tire hasn't been slashed or otherwise damaged, to avoid committing "vandalism".

4) Profit!

If you carry some BBs, you can unscrew the valve stem cap, drop a BB into it, then screw it back on until you hear a "ssssss"

Just loosen the valve stem to cause a very slow leak.  It's a punishment that could last for months before they figure it out.


That can kill someone.
 
2013-06-13 12:09:15 AM
I sort of like this idea. People parking in handicapped spaces and general parking douchebaggery should be dealt with.

But, I have an exception. I wouldn't want to snitch on a driver who forgot to feed the meter or is running afoul of a time restriction on parking. In these cases, let them take their chances with the meter maids. I suppose I'm thinking these people may have made 'mistakes' rather than purposeful douchebaggery and should have the benefit of the doubt until the little Parking Enforcement scooter comes around.

I frequently do business in one village that sets their parking meters for $0.25 per 2 hours. They really don't care about the revenue, but it encourages the freeing up of spaces to allow others to shop. Which was the original intent. If you can't put a quarter in, you probably deserve the ticket.
 
2013-06-13 12:09:22 AM
S#!T, and I've been doing it for free all this time when I find a car parked in the bike lane.

The enzymes in saliva will eat through the toughest paint jobs. It almost breaks my heart when it's a really nice car the perpetrator has illegally parked, but not enough to keep me from leaving my mark.

I can only imagine how motor morons would react if I parked my bicycle in the automobile traffic lanes.

Yeah, I know, you'd just run over it wouldn't you mr/mrs tough guy.

Your accelerator pedal leg muscles must be pretty strong huh?
 
2013-06-13 12:10:12 AM

doglover: OgreMagi: Johnson: HAMMERTOE: 1) Carry one of those tools for removing the stem valve from the valve stem.

2) Use it on illegally parked cars.

3) Leave stem valve taped to windshield so offender knows their tire hasn't been slashed or otherwise damaged, to avoid committing "vandalism".

4) Profit!

If you carry some BBs, you can unscrew the valve stem cap, drop a BB into it, then screw it back on until you hear a "ssssss"

Just loosen the valve stem to cause a very slow leak.  It's a punishment that could last for months before they figure it out.

That can kill someone.


A slow leak can kill?  Only if the driver is too stupid to notice his tire is getting low and tries to race on a mountain.
 
2013-06-13 12:17:23 AM

doglover: OgreMagi: Johnson: HAMMERTOE: 1) Carry one of those tools for removing the stem valve from the valve stem.

2) Use it on illegally parked cars.

3) Leave stem valve taped to windshield so offender knows their tire hasn't been slashed or otherwise damaged, to avoid committing "vandalism".

4) Profit!

If you carry some BBs, you can unscrew the valve stem cap, drop a BB into it, then screw it back on until you hear a "ssssss"

Just loosen the valve stem to cause a very slow leak.  It's a punishment that could last for months before they figure it out.

That can kill someone.


Not if you only do it to the rear tires.
 
2013-06-13 12:18:30 AM

OgreMagi: doglover: OgreMagi: Johnson: HAMMERTOE: 1) Carry one of those tools for removing the stem valve from the valve stem.

2) Use it on illegally parked cars.

3) Leave stem valve taped to windshield so offender knows their tire hasn't been slashed or otherwise damaged, to avoid committing "vandalism".

4) Profit!

If you carry some BBs, you can unscrew the valve stem cap, drop a BB into it, then screw it back on until you hear a "ssssss"

Just loosen the valve stem to cause a very slow leak.  It's a punishment that could last for months before they figure it out.

That can kill someone.

A slow leak can kill?  Only if the driver is too stupid to notice his tire is getting low and tries to race on a mountain.


Absurd as it is, I don't trust the legal system.

Peanuts have been the cause of 0.0000% of the deaths in any year you care to pick. But peanuts are banned all over because some people have allergies.

Would you wanna risk Johnny Law's boot up your ass for attempted murder just to slowly deflate a tire? Deflate it all in one go or better yet leave the tires alone. Justice is blind and the law is stupid. Give them no chance to eff you.
 
2013-06-13 12:21:30 AM

Mitch Taylor's Bro: Good point. Go ahead and post 'em to youtube!


I will. Eventually. When I get around to it.

/Really.
 
2013-06-13 12:26:15 AM

TwowheelinTim: S#!T, and I've been doing it for free all this time when I find a car parked in the bike lane.

The enzymes in saliva will eat through the toughest paint jobs. It almost breaks my heart when it's a really nice car the perpetrator has illegally parked, but not enough to keep me from leaving my mark.

I can only imagine how motor morons would react if I parked my bicycle in the automobile traffic lanes.

Yeah, I know, you'd just run over it wouldn't you mr/mrs tough guy.

Your accelerator pedal leg muscles must be pretty strong huh?


I drive a truck.  It isn't hard to pick up an 'abandoned' bicycle.  It also doesn't take long to cut a bike into scrap.

Cool your jets Francis, everyone gets crapped on.
 
2013-06-13 12:41:01 AM

OgreMagi: In the 80s I drove a beat up Honda Civic.  The body was so banged up that only the rust held it together.  But that engine just ran and ran (Honda makes great engines).  It was given to me because I couldn't afford a car at the time.  One day near christmas I'm trying to park at the mall.  The place is full and some douche with a porsche chose to take two spaces.  But he left just barely enough room for me to squeeze that piece of shiat car in and block the driver's side.  When I came out of the mall the porsche owner was just standing there.  I laughed, got in my beater, and drove off.  I hope he came out from shopping right when I went in.

I wouldn't do that with my brand new Miata.  There's something to be said for driving a car that you don't care if it gets damaged.


Man, I love doing that. Lots of parking garages in the area with moderately narrow spaces and people who park about six inches over the spot on their driver's side. The resulting spot they leave next to them is pretty narrow and usually empty, but my '99 Corolla (not beat up, but still worth less than my paycheck) fits nicely, with about three inches to spare. (When I do this, I sometimes re-park just to make sure I'm exactly midway between the lines of my own spot, just to make absolutely sure no one can accuse me of snuggling too close on the other guy's side.)

I've never got to watch the other guy have to crawl in over the passenger side, but I have often come back to an empty spot on my right and know the other guy must've had to deal with the situation. Haven't been keyed yet, not that it'd be a big deal if I was.

I also printed off a whole stack of the "youparklikeanasshole.com" sheets, as posted earlier in the thread, and I have been known to actually leave them under people's windshield wipers, with the appropriate box checked. I'd like to think they worry for a moment when they see it before they get close enough to find it's not a ticket, just a snarky notice from no one of consequence.
 
2013-06-13 12:43:52 AM

CyberDave: I've had the exact same idea, down to the Arduino to run it. Nice to know it's not just me that thinks of these things.


I dunno, I'd be worried if I were you.
 
2013-06-13 12:48:11 AM

doglover: OgreMagi: Johnson: HAMMERTOE: 1) Carry one of those tools for removing the stem valve from the valve stem.

2) Use it on illegally parked cars.

3) Leave stem valve taped to windshield so offender knows their tire hasn't been slashed or otherwise damaged, to avoid committing "vandalism".

4) Profit!

If you carry some BBs, you can unscrew the valve stem cap, drop a BB into it, then screw it back on until you hear a "ssssss"

Just loosen the valve stem to cause a very slow leak.  It's a punishment that could last for months before they figure it out.

That can kill someone.


Yeah, sometimes, I feel like doing evil shiat to some of the inconsiderate jerkwads around my condo complex, like put a nail under one of their tires so they discover it after they back out. Then I think about how I'd feel if said jerkwad had a bad car accident because the nail suddenly deflated the tire at speed. And my stupid conscience prevents me from being evil. Stupid conscience!
 
2013-06-13 01:07:44 AM

lack of warmth: TwowheelinTim: S#!T, and I've been doing it for free all this time when I find a car parked in the bike lane.

The enzymes in saliva will eat through the toughest paint jobs. It almost breaks my heart when it's a really nice car the perpetrator has illegally parked, but not enough to keep me from leaving my mark.

I can only imagine how motor morons would react if I parked my bicycle in the automobile traffic lanes.

Yeah, I know, you'd just run over it wouldn't you mr/mrs tough guy.

Your accelerator pedal leg muscles must be pretty strong huh?

I drive a truck.  It isn't hard to pick up an 'abandoned' bicycle.  It also doesn't take long to cut a bike into scrap.

Cool your jets Francis, everyone gets crapped on.


Yeah, but not everybody is driving a 8000 pound cage.

If you don't like where I ride my bicycle, maybe you should take the bus.
 
2013-06-13 01:09:51 AM
How about calling it in if I see some moron having someone else blow into his inhibitor to get the car started, because he's had too much to drink?  Saw that one the other night.  I don't think that's just a ticket, as the driver was sufficiently buzzed and the key was most definitely in the ignition, with the intent to go driving... DUI #2 in the making.  That's not just a slap on the wrists around here.

Was on the bus when some douche decided to pull into a bus-only spot ... while the bus was loading passengers.  Bus driver honked, was flipped off, and the cop not less than ten feet away started writing a ticket before the douche even stepped out of the car.

Cops on the local campus wait for morons to roll on down the bus-only street, which is clearly marked with a "cars go  that->way" sign and turn-off, which is the main drop off point for kids going to class.  every 15 minutes or so, new moron cruises down the street.

/sans automobile for some years now
//it's downtown, don't really need one
 
2013-06-13 01:17:05 AM

CyberDave: Mitch Taylor's Bro: scottydoesntknow: Mitch Taylor's Bro: Gulper Eel: Pocket Ninja: I'm ambivalent on this for parking, but if they invented something similar to turn in the rat bastards who violate HOV lanes, I'd be all over it.

Drunks. I would snitch on drunks in a hot minute. At the insanely early hours I drive to work, I could cover my entire car insurance payment with a year's worth of turning in the wasted-ass weaving-all-over-the-road shiatheels who are out on the road at the same time I am.

I have considered buying a GoPro and mounting it somewhere on my car so I could document some of the BS I see on my relatively short commute. Maybe one on the back, too, for tailgaters. I could produce some kind of "Tosh.0" but focused solely on bad drivers.

I've wanted to get one of those small scrolling marquees you see at Office Depot for my back window. Put some pre-programmed lines in there like "Get off my ass dickhead" or "Left lane for passing only moron!" (and of course "thank you" when they're nice). That way I could voice my full opinion, more than just a finger can convey.

I had that idea, too! We should totally go into business! Can you do app development? Just program an Arduino with a few buttons that activate specific scrolling messages. we could sell them on thinkgeek.com :)

I've had the exact same idea, down to the Arduino to run it. Nice to know it's not just me that thinks of these things.

/not a lot of people seem to understand "keep right except to pass" in this state
//also hate driving in the right lane on I-90 in the middle of WA state at night with some d-bag going the same speed as me, but in the left lane and just a little behind me, so their lights are hitting my side mirror and practically blinding me


except for the washington state reference, you could be my upstairs neighbor.  EE starting in on some Arduino coding a few weeks ago.  Put together a "working" Iron Man suit for his son last Halloween

/the lights, they blink
//all four of them...
 
2013-06-13 01:21:18 AM

TwowheelinTim: lack of warmth: TwowheelinTim: S#!T, and I've been doing it for free all this time when I find a car parked in the bike lane.

The enzymes in saliva will eat through the toughest paint jobs. It almost breaks my heart when it's a really nice car the perpetrator has illegally parked, but not enough to keep me from leaving my mark.

I can only imagine how motor morons would react if I parked my bicycle in the automobile traffic lanes.

Yeah, I know, you'd just run over it wouldn't you mr/mrs tough guy.

Your accelerator pedal leg muscles must be pretty strong huh?

I drive a truck.  It isn't hard to pick up an 'abandoned' bicycle.  It also doesn't take long to cut a bike into scrap.

Cool your jets Francis, everyone gets crapped on.

Yeah, but not everybody is driving a 8000 pound cage.

If you don't like where I ride my bicycle, maybe you should take the bus.


Maybe you should learn the laws of traffic.
 
2013-06-13 01:26:02 AM
How about an app that sends a ticket to dog owner's who don't clean up their dog's shiat?
 
2013-06-13 01:27:04 AM

FizixJunkee: How about an app that sends a ticket to dog owner's who don't clean up their dog's shiat?


^whoops...apostrophe FAIL

\bed time
 
2013-06-13 02:02:25 AM

Cerberus: I sort of like this idea. People parking in handicapped spaces and general parking douchebaggery should be dealt with.

But, I have an exception. I wouldn't want to snitch on a driver who forgot to feed the meter or is running afoul of a time restriction on parking. In these cases, let them take their chances with the meter maids. I suppose I'm thinking these people may have made 'mistakes' rather than purposeful douchebaggery and should have the benefit of the doubt until the little Parking Enforcement scooter comes around.

I frequently do business in one village that sets their parking meters for $0.25 per 2 hours. They really don't care about the revenue, but it encourages the freeing up of spaces to allow others to shop. Which was the original intent. If you can't put a quarter in, you probably deserve the ticket.


I think that's the divide in this thread. People who live in real cities versus those who live in places with lots of room, built around cars. If you live in DC or NY, the standard parking offense is going to be a time restriction on curb parking. People who get their panties in a wad because I've been parked in a 2 hr for 3 hours (say, in the middle of a residential area without much need for the restriction) need to get their heads examined, and the people who would actually go out and report that to parking enforcement are close to the worst kind of authoritarian douchebag. There are lots of heavy, some would say excessive, parking regulations, and they're already a massive headache and burden without Joe the Vigilante added to the mix.

But if you live in suburbia, where everything is a sea of parking lots and the only parking offenses you'll ever see are jackasses taking up 2 spots or parking in handicapped zones and where parking laws are only ever scarcely enforced, you might be more inclined to favor the idea.
 
2013-06-13 02:22:03 AM
if this is limited to handicapped spots and fire hydrants then i don't see much of a problem. those are serious offenses with serious consequences for other people. reducing the number of offenders would make the world a better place.

i'm actually surprised we have not come up with a technological solution to those problems already. Put a mechanical barrier on the handicapped spots that is unlocked by a chip in the tag in the car. also, fire hydrants should have sound/visual alarms when you're too close, and should be able to notify parking enforcement themselves when someone obstructs one.

for some delightful justice, here's a handicapped permit abuse sting at a NASCAR race
 
2013-06-13 02:29:20 AM
There's a supermarket in Des Moines where in the main entrance lane thru the parking lot there are two handicapped parking spaces on the left at then stgore end of the lane and then no parking hashmarks painted on the pavement as well as the crosswalk that runs from the sidewalk  between the two lanes to the entrance of the store.  People are always parking on those hashmarks.  More often than not, they are parking all kattywampus on them so that cars coming in have a tough time negotiating the turn.

Now some of them do have handicapped hang tags but still, the handicapped spots are clearly marked and it is abundently clear they are parking in no parking spots.  It just makes traffic in the lot all the more difficult.

I have taken to calling them on that if I see the drivers.  Most ignore me/pretend nbot to hear.  One black woman started screamingb obscenities at me and saying "I'll park any damn where I please, peckerwood!"

I guess I need to be more confrontational, as this is just getting worse by the day.
 
2013-06-13 09:47:05 AM

scottydoesntknow: It will also become commonplace to beat people to a pulp if they're caught using said app

So I'm guessing subby follows the "snitches get stitches" street motto.

This is no different than CrimeStoppers or 222-TIPS. Those people get a reward for any information leading to arrests of individuals who broke the law.

Don't want to get a fine for illegally parking? Don't illegally park. I got some douchebag's car in my apartment complex towed because he insisted on double-parking his ugly truck over two handicapped spots (no placard of course). First I put a sign on his window saying "Stupidity is not a handicap. Park here again and I'll make sure it's towed." He challenged it so I called the office and watched as a tow truck came and picked it up.


Went to the mall on the way home from work. It was really croweded, so I had to park pretty far off. As I get to the front of the parking lot, there is a blinged out (chrome, huge rims,gold chain around license plate, spinners, fake engine ports, ect) Escalade parked across the two (and partially into a third) closest spots. Now I get you fell your car is precious, and the proletariat don't deserve to park next your shining chariot, less they mar it with the doors of their Kias. But that is why you take your sweet ass-car to an area that is empty near the outskirts of the lot. So since I had my work van with me, I trudged all the way back, got 4 drywall screws and placed one upright under each tire. I didn't actualy do any damage to his vehicle, as I only placed the screws on the ground.

/What I did may have been wrong, but this guy was a douche bag for parking like that, and I feel no remorse.
 
2013-06-13 11:11:24 AM
EngineerAU:
I thought about wiring up a switch under the dash that would turn on my brake lights when I wasn't really braking to scare off tailgaters. I don't like to actually brake since they might not be paying attention and slam into me. With the light switch, they'd instinctively back off (even if slowly) without risking a collision. But I'm sure it's illegal as hell and would make me liable for the tailgater swerving or freaking out some other dangerous way when they see brake lights and think they can't slow down in time. It's especially annoying when I'm in the right most lane, going ten over the speed limit and there are five empty lanes to the left but the tailgater wants to bully me out of the lane.

Oh man, a friend of mine did that to a military truck back in the 70's in Germany. He also added a bumper sticker to his trailer in German that said "Smile as you go under" and would watch as sports cars slammed on the brakes and swerved when he hit that switch.  I wouldn't recommend it now though.

I know, I know CSB Bro.
 
2013-06-13 12:00:27 PM

OgreMagi: I don't mind too many handicapped spaces when there is plenty of parking available. But too many times I've found myself circling around the BART parking lot trying to find a space with two entire rows of handicapped spaces sitting unused. At least they're dealing with that particular station and are currently building a multilevel parking garage (which has temporarily made the parking issue even worse).


Agreed.  It gets annoying when it's obvious they followed some formula that didn't consider conditions.  When the place served by the parking pretty much requires not being disabled then the number of handicapped spaces should be lower than normal.  I've had considerable walks because there were only handicapped spaces left--at trailheads!
 
2013-06-13 12:52:31 PM

Aulus: There's a supermarket in Des Moines where in the main entrance lane thru the parking lot there are two handicapped parking spaces on the left at then stgore end of the lane and then no parking hashmarks painted on the pavement as well as the crosswalk that runs from the sidewalk  between the two lanes to the entrance of the store.  People are always parking on those hashmarks.  More often than not, they are parking all kattywampus on them so that cars coming in have a tough time negotiating the turn.

Now some of them do have handicapped hang tags but still, the handicapped spots are clearly marked and it is abundently clear they are parking in no parking spots.  It just makes traffic in the lot all the more difficult.



It's been forever since I took (and subsequently aced) my driver's exam, but I do recall one of the questions on the written portion of the test was something to the effect of "one may never park in hashed spaces, regardless of time of day, etc."   I always assumed everyone understood that hashed spaces were off-limits to everyone.
 
2013-06-13 01:27:08 PM
Most of the illegally parked cars by where I work are either police cars who have cops too lazy to find a spot before going to dunkin donuts, or the same cops personal cars which are too important to have to bother to pay for a spot. Something tells me this will only result in trouble here, much as I'd love to see these self-entitled idiots ticketed I don't see it happening. A random beatdown for reporting, sure. And arresting and impounding of your car, certainly. A ticket being written, notsomuch.
 
2013-06-13 04:10:38 PM

doglover: Justice is blind and the law is stupid. Give them no chance to eff you.

 
2013-06-13 04:40:44 PM

FizixJunkee: Aulus: There's a supermarket in Des Moines where in the main entrance lane thru the parking lot there are two handicapped parking spaces on the left at then stgore end of the lane and then no parking hashmarks painted on the pavement as well as the crosswalk that runs from the sidewalk  between the two lanes to the entrance of the store.  People are always parking on those hashmarks.  More often than not, they are parking all kattywampus on them so that cars coming in have a tough time negotiating the turn.

Now some of them do have handicapped hang tags but still, the handicapped spots are clearly marked and it is abundently clear they are parking in no parking spots.  It just makes traffic in the lot all the more difficult.


It's been forever since I took (and subsequently aced) my driver's exam, but I do recall one of the questions on the written portion of the test was something to the effect of "one may never park in hashed spaces, regardless of time of day, etc."   I always assumed everyone understood that hashed spaces were off-limits to everyone.


Exactly!  Hnadicapped spaces have a handicapped sign and a painted symbol on the pavement.  Hasmarks have always meant no parking.  Always.  The off duty cop won't ticket them if they have a handicapped sticker, either.  Look, I'm 64 and have a bum knee that acts up and could possibly get a handicapped sticker, but I don't.  I have no problem parking at the fare end of the lot and walking the 50 yards to the entrance.  Why can't there bozos?
 
2013-06-13 05:13:56 PM

MythDragon: /What I did may have been wrong, but this guy was a douche bag for parking like that, and I feel no remorse.


How about the people he swerves into on the freeway at 60 MPH when he loses control of his Escalade?  Where they douchebags, too?

Admittedly it can be fun to watch, at least from a distance, when a self-important street thug meets somebody with an underdeveloped frontal lobe.
 
2013-06-14 01:05:44 AM

Aulus: FizixJunkee: Aulus: There's a supermarket in Des Moines where in the main entrance lane thru the parking lot there are two handicapped parking spaces on the left at then stgore end of the lane and then no parking hashmarks painted on the pavement as well as the crosswalk that runs from the sidewalk  between the two lanes to the entrance of the store.  People are always parking on those hashmarks.  More often than not, they are parking all kattywampus on them so that cars coming in have a tough time negotiating the turn.

Now some of them do have handicapped hang tags but still, the handicapped spots are clearly marked and it is abundently clear they are parking in no parking spots.  It just makes traffic in the lot all the more difficult.


It's been forever since I took (and subsequently aced) my driver's exam, but I do recall one of the questions on the written portion of the test was something to the effect of "one may never park in hashed spaces, regardless of time of day, etc."   I always assumed everyone understood that hashed spaces were off-limits to everyone.

Exactly!  Hnadicapped spaces have a handicapped sign and a painted symbol on the pavement.  Hasmarks have always meant no parking.  Always.  The off duty cop won't ticket them if they have a handicapped sticker, either.  Look, I'm 64 and have a bum knee that acts up and could possibly get a handicapped sticker, but I don't.  I have no problem parking at the fare end of the lot and walking the 50 yards to the entrance.  Why can't there bozos?


I'd honestly prefer that you got a sticker and parked in one of the usually over abundant handicapped spaces.  That way I can park in the regular space you are taking up now.  Think about it.
 
Displayed 49 of 199 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »





Report