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(Ecorazzi)   At his new girlfriend's request, Johnny Depp has given up meat, dairy, and booze. No word yet on whether he's allowed any visitation with his testicles or if she has sole custody   (ecorazzi.com) divider line 81
    More: Dumbass, Johnny Depp, Amber Heard, dairy, girlfriend, Alicia Silverstone, Pilates  
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3652 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 12 Jun 2013 at 2:32 PM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-12 02:34:31 PM
Not worth it....
 
2013-06-12 02:37:46 PM
Eh.  He's fifty years old.  Maybe the girlfriend's suggestion stems from some kind of health issue he has or is trying to prevent.
 
2013-06-12 02:38:16 PM
It's Amber Heard...not worth it is possibly a stretch!
 
2013-06-12 02:38:57 PM
She must fark like Helen of Troy with her ass on fire.
 
2013-06-12 02:40:04 PM
She better do some freaky shiat in the sheets. Like a blumpkin with a reverse otter squat.
 
2013-06-12 02:40:23 PM
Witholding head until booze cigarette meat taste is gone, I betcha.
/went down that road once
//see ya baby
 
2013-06-12 02:40:50 PM
I think subby should have said "Soul Custody".
 
2013-06-12 02:41:14 PM

kingflower: Not worth it....


mimg.ugo.com
 
2013-06-12 02:47:43 PM
Amber Heard?!?!?!?!? I thought she was a lesbian.
 
2013-06-12 02:49:41 PM

Usurper4: It's Amber Heard...not worth it is possibly a stretch!


here is why this is funny.

Amber Heard used to say she was a lesbian.  Came out publicly.  I said THEN that "no, that woman is IN NO WAY a lesbian, just you wait".

then she was not a lesbian any more and was claiming "oh I never said I was a lesbian".  Oh yes, hon, you did. Publicly. And I knew at the time that you were about as gay as Anne Heche.  Which is "gay for publicity".

And now here she is making her MALE lover change his habits.

/don't give me any of that "sexuality is fluid" crap here.  She was never a lesbian.  I doubt that she ever really even liked girls and probably never actually had sex with one no matter what bullshiat she spouted.
 
2013-06-12 02:50:17 PM

groppet: She better do some freaky shiat in the sheets. Like a blumpkin with a reverse otter squat.


I'm tempted to do a urban-dictionary or GIS on "reverse otter squat" - but past horrors have taught me to be wary.
 
2013-06-12 02:53:30 PM
Are you suggesting he's a eunuch?
 
2013-06-12 02:54:24 PM
Outside of "being hot" and seeing her in a couple films, I really don't know much about Amber Heard.

That said, watching Jeremy Clarkson cream himself multiple times over the revelation he's sitting in front of a "bi-sexual who likes cars" when she was a guest on Top Gear was pretty funny.
 
2013-06-12 02:55:05 PM
Amber Heard going vegan and doing pilates was good for your health.
 
2013-06-12 02:55:51 PM

HatMadeOfAss: kingflower: Not worth it....


Given up meat, dairy, and booze for a self proclaimed lesbian is not worth it. I am sure Depp can scissor with the best of them, but this will end badly for him.
 
2013-06-12 02:55:51 PM

oldfarthenry: groppet: She better do some freaky shiat in the sheets. Like a blumpkin with a reverse otter squat.

I'm tempted to do a urban-dictionary or GIS on "reverse otter squat" - but past horrors have taught me to be wary.


You....chose wisely....
 
2013-06-12 02:56:42 PM

frepnog: I knew at the time that you were about as gay as Anne Heche


See, I always figured her scenes in "Wild Side" actually confused her for a while. Because the NR version of that shiat is super hot.
 
2013-06-12 02:57:22 PM

devilEther: Are you suggesting he's a eunuch?


Perhaps he can pick up a new advertising gig.

/be sure to check out their merchandise mart!
 
2013-06-12 02:58:14 PM
If you're rich enough and have professionals dedicated to cooking for you, I can't imagine it's that bad. But booze is too far.
 
2013-06-12 02:58:52 PM
What would YOU do for a Klondike bar?
 
2013-06-12 02:59:14 PM

tamsnod27: Like a blumpkin with a reverse otter squat.


a blumpkin is, apparently, a blowjob given while the recipient is taking a shiat.  a reverse otter squat is something along the lines of sticking a Popsicle up the girl's ass and letting it melt and then letting the fluid drip into the partner's mouth.

/the more you know?
 
2013-06-12 02:59:52 PM
Heart disease, diabetes and obesity can be greatly reduced or eliminated by diet and exercise.
There are serious people out there who preach plant only diets--no oils of any kind, nothing that had a mother, no processed foods.

I'm not willing to go that far but cutting back on the booze, the fatty meats and eating more fruits and vegetables and exercising more is certainly within my grasp.
 
2013-06-12 03:00:59 PM
Lesi or not, I do think she is hot. Maybe not hot enough to go vegan, but hot enough to stick a poker in it.
 
2013-06-12 03:01:04 PM

frepnog: She was never a lesbian.


She is in my fantasies.
 
2013-06-12 03:02:25 PM

Jim from Saint Paul: frepnog: I knew at the time that you were about as gay as Anne Heche

See, I always figured her scenes in "Wild Side" actually confused her for a while. Because the NR version of that shiat is super hot.


Fact is that Amber is just straight up too freaking hot to be anything but strictly dickly, as they say.  There was never anything about her mannerisms, appearance, or speech that indicated "bi or gay".  Are there some hot lesbians?  I'm sure there are somewhere, but man you can pick the fakers out plainly.

Amber was a faker.
 
2013-06-12 03:03:32 PM

Chiquidin: Lesi or not, I do think she is hot. Maybe not hot enough to go vegan, but hot enough to stick a poker in it.


Amber is hot enough that I would kill you all for a shot (not a guarantee.  JUST A CHANCE) to disappoint her sexually.
 
2013-06-12 03:04:32 PM

frepnog: Amber was a faker.


Not in the sheets.
 
2013-06-12 03:04:49 PM

Lexx: She must fark like Helen of Troy with her ass on fire.


Yeah, I think if a man as rich and famous as Johnny Depp, who could probably have his pick of any available woman on the planet - and even a good number who aren't technically "available" but willing to upgrade - is willing to give up all that, then there must be something more to it.
 
2013-06-12 03:04:52 PM

PizzaJedi81: frepnog: Amber was a faker.

Not in the sheets.


hehehe.
 
2013-06-12 03:10:30 PM
I love you! Now change!

/not worth it.

//Not for an army of Christina Hendricks
 
2013-06-12 03:12:48 PM
I never understood these relationships where the woman makes demands of the man making radical changes.  Why date a man who eats meat and then demand that he change to vegan?  When I was single I told every woman I dated that I ate meat, drank, enjoyed dairy, liked porn, smoked cigars and did not want kids.  I broke up with women who wanted me to eat less meat, switch to their religion, drink less, exercise more, stop watching porn, stop smoking cigars and other efforts to change me.

I was 31 when I got married, set the dating bar pretty low, never raised it, just lowered it.  She proposed to me.  I made it clear to her from day one that I wasn't changing for her and if she didn't like it, she could find another man to put up with her shiat.
 
2013-06-12 03:13:04 PM
Not sure it has been said yet, but since this is Fark probably so.....

No women is worth giving up booze for because eventually you will need it to but up with her BS
 
2013-06-12 03:14:03 PM

Great Janitor: I never understood these relationships where the woman makes demands of the man making radical changes.  Why date a man who eats meat and then demand that he change to vegan?  When I was single I told every woman I dated that I ate meat, drank, enjoyed dairy, liked porn, smoked cigars and did not want kids.  I broke up with women who wanted me to eat less meat, switch to their religion, drink less, exercise more, stop watching porn, stop smoking cigars and other efforts to change me.

I was 31 when I got married, set the dating bar pretty low, never raised it, just lowered it.  She proposed to me.  I made it clear to her from day one that I wasn't changing for her and if she didn't like it, she could find another man to put up with her shiat.


not one to compromise, eh.

/relationships are about compromise.
 
2013-06-12 03:17:50 PM
She is good looking, like a girl next door who gets hot because she puts on the war(whore) paint.

But if they takes all that work to get hot, then they ain't really hot.

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-06-12 03:19:01 PM
Wino Forever indeed.

A wise man once said that some women never understand that you can't change a man.
 
2013-06-12 03:19:14 PM

frepnog: Great Janitor: I never understood these relationships where the woman makes demands of the man making radical changes.  Why date a man who eats meat and then demand that he change to vegan?  When I was single I told every woman I dated that I ate meat, drank, enjoyed dairy, liked porn, smoked cigars and did not want kids.  I broke up with women who wanted me to eat less meat, switch to their religion, drink less, exercise more, stop watching porn, stop smoking cigars and other efforts to change me.

I was 31 when I got married, set the dating bar pretty low, never raised it, just lowered it.  She proposed to me.  I made it clear to her from day one that I wasn't changing for her and if she didn't like it, she could find another man to put up with her shiat.

not one to compromise, eh.

/relationships are about compromise.


I compromised, I make no changes, I ask for no changes.
 
2013-06-12 03:19:30 PM

frepnog: Jim from Saint Paul: frepnog: I knew at the time that you were about as gay as Anne Heche

See, I always figured her scenes in "Wild Side" actually confused her for a while. Because the NR version of that shiat is super hot.

Fact is that Amber is just straight up too freaking hot to be anything but strictly dickly, as they say.  There was never anything about her mannerisms, appearance, or speech that indicated "bi or gay".  Are there some hot lesbians?  I'm sure there are somewhere, but man you can pick the fakers out plainly.

Amber was a faker.


Can we focus on Anne Hence for a second?


/never thought I'd say THAT in my lifetime
 
2013-06-12 03:19:46 PM

frepnog: tamsnod27: Like a blumpkin with a reverse otter squat.

a blumpkin is, apparently, a blowjob given while the recipient is taking a shiat.  a reverse otter squat is something along the lines of sticking a Popsicle up the girl's ass and letting it melt and then letting the fluid drip into the partner's mouth.

/the more you know?


Yeah, but no one who doesn't know what that is doesn't need to be forced to know what that is
/ shudders violently
 
2013-06-12 03:22:08 PM

tamsnod27: frepnog: tamsnod27: Like a blumpkin with a reverse otter squat.

a blumpkin is, apparently, a blowjob given while the recipient is taking a shiat.  a reverse otter squat is something along the lines of sticking a Popsicle up the girl's ass and letting it melt and then letting the fluid drip into the partner's mouth.

/the more you know?

Yeah, but no one who doesn't know what that is doesn't need to be forced to know what that is
/ shudders violently


sorry dude.
 
2013-06-12 03:23:43 PM

Jim from Saint Paul: frepnog: Jim from Saint Paul: frepnog: I knew at the time that you were about as gay as Anne Heche

See, I always figured her scenes in "Wild Side" actually confused her for a while. Because the NR version of that shiat is super hot.

Fact is that Amber is just straight up too freaking hot to be anything but strictly dickly, as they say.  There was never anything about her mannerisms, appearance, or speech that indicated "bi or gay".  Are there some hot lesbians?  I'm sure there are somewhere, but man you can pick the fakers out plainly.

Amber was a faker.

Can we focus on Anne Hence for a second?


/never thought I'd say THAT in my lifetime


anne heche is to me like tea leoni - hot, but nothing worth walking too far for.
 
2013-06-12 03:24:09 PM
shoulda stayed with Frenchie, unless he got tired of armpit hair
 
2013-06-12 03:28:31 PM
Maybe Depp's penis is magical and she actually was into chicks.  I don't know that coming out as gay is something to boost one's acting career (definitely isn't for males.)  If she wanted to build intrigue she would have said she was bisexual.
 
2013-06-12 03:33:52 PM

AdolfOliverPanties: Maybe Depp's penis is magical and she actually was into chicks.  I don't know that coming out as gay is something to boost one's acting career (definitely isn't for males.)  If she wanted to build intrigue she would have said she was bisexual.


She probably holds the camera while Tim Burton poops on him as foreplay before going all BeetleJuice on his ballon knot.
 
2013-06-12 03:34:12 PM
Being vegan while simultaneously abstaining from alcohol? What a miserable existence!
 
2013-06-12 03:35:05 PM
I think he's just practicing up for a new role.......single guy.
 
2013-06-12 03:35:56 PM

tamsnod27: oldfarthenry: groppet: She better do some freaky shiat in the sheets. Like a blumpkin with a reverse otter squat.

I'm tempted to do a urban-dictionary or GIS on "reverse otter squat" - but past horrors have taught me to be wary.

You....chose wisely....


Not me!
www.benjamingran.com
 
2013-06-12 03:39:06 PM
Although one would think Depp could get that feat of hotness without having to cave to her wishes, I would happily give up meat, flouride, whatever she wanted me to.

I'd live in a damn man-sized bird cage in her bedroom.
 
2013-06-12 03:40:40 PM

kingflower: HatMadeOfAss: kingflower: Not worth it....

Given up meat, dairy, and booze for a self proclaimed lesbian is not worth it. I am sure Depp can scissor with the best of them, but this will end badly for him.


I give it a month before the followup headline, "Johnny Depp caught cheating on Amber Heard with a 20oz t-bone."
 
2013-06-12 03:47:18 PM

Great Janitor: I never understood these relationships where the woman makes demands of the man making radical changes.  Why date a man who eats meat and then demand that he change to vegan?  When I was single I told every woman I dated that I ate meat, drank, enjoyed dairy, liked porn, smoked cigars and did not want kids.  I broke up with women who wanted me to eat less meat, switch to their religion, drink less, exercise more, stop watching porn, stop smoking cigars and other efforts to change me.

I was 31 when I got married, set the dating bar pretty low, never raised it, just lowered it.  She proposed to me.  I made it clear to her from day one that I wasn't changing for her and if she didn't like it, she could find another man to put up with her shiat.


you sure make yourself sound like quite an elegant gentleman ... I get not changing completely for someone, but you sure came off as a dick the way you phrased it here. It is like you are doing all these things to show the rest of the tribe how manly you are, like you need to really let us know that you are a bad ass man who smokes and drinks and eats meat, likes porn and doesn't take shiat from women. I mean you really stressed that point - so, I guess that means you're gay.
 
2013-06-12 03:48:15 PM

tamsnod27: frepnog: tamsnod27: Like a blumpkin with a reverse otter squat.

a blumpkin is, apparently, a blowjob given while the recipient is taking a shiat.  a reverse otter squat is something along the lines of sticking a Popsicle up the girl's ass and letting it melt and then letting the fluid drip into the partner's mouth.

/the more you know?

Yeah, but no one who doesn't know what that is doesn't need to be forced to know what that is
/ shudders violently


Someone avoided getting a Crosby sweater.

Stupid puritanical America, against even fifth base
 
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