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(Wired)   OK climate change shiat just got serious. Weather changes in South America are killing off record coffee bean crops, which could reduce the planet to drinking pencil shavings filtered through a used jockstrap. Or Maxwell House. Same difference   (wired.com) divider line 115
    More: Scary, South America, sustainable level, Central American, Nicaragua, outbreaks, International Coffee Organization  
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3418 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jun 2013 at 4:02 AM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-12 12:00:08 AM
As long as it doesn't affect the cocaine I'm good.
 
2013-06-12 12:19:19 AM
I don't know about you, but I'm investing in coffee beans in preperation for the inevitable crash of the dollar.
 
2013-06-12 12:30:32 AM
"crop losses could hit 50 percent."

Great...I switched to a caffeine addiction in place of my other vices and now thats going to end up costing me just as much as the ones I've quit. Damn you Juan Valdez!
 
2013-06-12 01:36:07 AM
i.imgur.com

Well fark. They only stock bulk Maxwell House in the Blue tub at work anyway. I might as well get used to pencil shavings.
 
2013-06-12 02:20:44 AM
Pencil shavings? I thought that was Grape Nuts?
 
2013-06-12 02:46:56 AM

Somacandra: [i.imgur.com image 400x400]

Well fark. They only stock bulk Maxwell House in the Blue tub at work anyway. I might as well get used to pencil shavings.


That shiat is terrible.
 
2013-06-12 02:47:59 AM
They can pry my coffee from my cold dead hands.
 
2013-06-12 03:22:18 AM
as a tea drinker, I am laughing my ass off
/and counting my blessings - WTF !!!
 
2013-06-12 04:05:16 AM
Gee, Tom never vomits at home.
 
2013-06-12 04:12:24 AM
i6.goodness-direct.co.uk

/hot. with soy milk.
 
2013-06-12 04:17:35 AM
I get my coffee from Jamaica, I don't drink that crap from South America.
 
2013-06-12 04:18:45 AM

YoOjo: [i6.goodness-direct.co.uk image 500x500]

/hot. with soy milk.


You can get a better drink by sticking your finger down a Vogon's throat.
 
2013-06-12 04:21:35 AM
(Since I happen to agree with these individuals, I'll quote from two posters over at Slashdot.)

(Poster 1:)
"Actually, as someone whose family has owned coffee farms for over 100 years let me clue you in.

Traditional coffee plants can last 20 years, they grow tall, shade the ground, and drop the leaves to fertilize the soil, have root systems that keep the soil in place, since coffee is grown in steppes.
However, they are hybrids created in Brazil, that grow faster, less root systems, but need constant fertilization, and the root systems are shallow, causing run off of the soil, lower quality bean, But they produce like hell.

But the constant fertilization they need, ruins the land.
They are also highly susceptible to root rust.
It is not so much the climate change, but the mass production from genetically manipulated plants."

(This)

(Poster 2:)
"It's not known yet exactly why coffee rust has become such a problem now, but one of the leading suspects is climate change.

Here's another eye-rolling moment from the chicken littles who can't be bothered to decide what climate change is. From the article,

There's increasing evidence that climate change is part of the problem. You find coffee rust striking much farther up the valleys than it used to. There's no other plausible explanation, Baker said. But what happened last year, and why it was so aggressive and widespread, we are still a bit [perplexed]. And if we don't really know what caused it, it's going to be hard to predict.
Another plausible explanation, especially given the more virulent nature of this coffee rust problem, is that it has evolved or a new strain has moved in. That wasn't hard. Note that the researcher is confident that "climate change" is involved, but far less confident that biology is involved.


This is a researcher in the field making these claims not some ignorant Wired writer. I see this as further evidence that climatology has been taken over by political forces. A scientist makes an overly confident claim about "climate change" and it gets readily and uncritically reported by a high profile news source. And the take away that the reader gets is that their coffee is threatened by climate change. That's a classic propaganda move."

 (and this)

/Good night Fark
 
2013-06-12 04:26:39 AM
It's just a hoax perpetrated by a cartel of tea producers who want to redistribute wealth from coffee producers to them.  The tea lobby has been getting increasingly powerful and has the non-profit Center for Agricultural Bioscience International in its pocket.  There have been numerous reports that workers at CABI, based in Colombia, have been drinking tea during their breaks, so they quite clearly can't be trusted as they've been seduced by money and milky hot beverages.  Their silence has been guaranteed by promises of PG Tips so this huge scam will continue.
 
2013-06-12 04:28:17 AM

MadSkillz: Somacandra: [i.imgur.com image 400x400]

Well fark. They only stock bulk Maxwell House in the Blue tub at work anyway. I might as well get used to pencil shavings.

That shiat is terrible.


All coffee is crap.
 
2013-06-12 04:28:36 AM

OgreMagi: YoOjo: [i6.goodness-direct.co.uk image 500x500]

/hot. with soy milk.

You can get a better drink by sticking your finger down a Vogon's throat.


Dunno, never had that, but Barley Cup is lovely. I drink it during the afternoon and evening as it's de-caf, regular coffee only before noon.
They do a speedy version, or someone else does, but with guarana instead of caffeine for the CNS modifications we all seem to need these days.
I've tried going without coffee quite a bit over the past year or two, I don't like feeling dependent on anything that I don't really need. Hard drug to quit though, seeing as it's so ubiquitous and acceptable. I know my bladder likes it when I'm not drinking coffee though, so nice to pee efficiently rather than the 'drip, drip, drip' that an accidental caffeine overdose gives me.
 
2013-06-12 04:29:17 AM
Meh. That stuff shrinks your balls anyway
 
2013-06-12 04:30:40 AM
 
2013-06-12 04:31:54 AM

The Envoy: It's just a hoax perpetrated by a cartel of tea producers who want to redistribute wealth from coffee producers to them.  The tea lobby has been getting increasingly powerful and has the non-profit Center for Agricultural Bioscience International in its pocket.  There have been numerous reports that workers at CABI, based in Colombia, have been drinking tea during their breaks, so they quite clearly can't be trusted as they've been seduced by money and milky hot beverages.  Their silence has been guaranteed by promises of PG Tips so this huge scam will continue.


Tips thread was yesterday, not scheduled to return until Friday. Right after the 2A thread and the regional pizza differences thread.
//loves tea, large mug of builder's tea, soy milk, no sugar.
 
2013-06-12 04:32:16 AM
Dammit, Walternate!
 
2013-06-12 04:32:30 AM

YoOjo: [i6.goodness-direct.co.uk image 500x500]

/hot. with soy milk.


1) had barley tea while in korea - wasnt the end of the world, nice on a cold morning
2) WTF
"Roasted barley tea was found to inhibit bacterial colonization and adhesion, specifically to the major cause of tooth decay and implicated in cardiovascular diseases, Streptococcus mutans biofilms "
 
2013-06-12 04:35:39 AM

YoOjo: OgreMagi: YoOjo: [i6.goodness-direct.co.uk image 500x500]

/hot. with soy milk.

You can get a better drink by sticking your finger down a Vogon's throat.

Dunno, never had that, but Barley Cup is lovely. I drink it during the afternoon and evening as it's de-caf, regular coffee only before noon.
They do a speedy version, or someone else does, but with guarana instead of caffeine for the CNS modifications we all seem to need these days.
I've tried going without coffee quite a bit over the past year or two, I don't like feeling dependent on anything that I don't really need. Hard drug to quit though, seeing as it's so ubiquitous and acceptable. I know my bladder likes it when I'm not drinking coffee though, so nice to pee efficiently rather than the 'drip, drip, drip' that an accidental caffeine overdose gives me.


You take barley and add soy.  That's a double fail.
 
2013-06-12 04:39:46 AM

YoOjo: loves tea, large mug of builder's tea, soy milk, no sugar.


Builders tea, two sugars, real milk.  Call yourself half an Englishman?!
 
2013-06-12 04:46:50 AM
I've read about the same threat  and problems with bananas.  (which is the safeword)

Mass commercial production limits the bio-diversity that occurs in nature, because farmers only plant the most productive and desirable plants.  It means that diseases spread more easily.

But it's always important to mention Global Cooling/ Global Warming/ Global Staying the Same as a terrible threat, because no other hoax has been able to steal even 1% as much money.

"I can't find my car keys.  Damn you car key moving Global Staying the Same Crisis!"
 
2013-06-12 04:47:25 AM

The Envoy: YoOjo: loves tea, large mug of builder's tea, soy milk, no sugar.

Builders tea, two sugars, real milk.  Call yourself half an Englishman?!


Yes, I do. But while I'm half English and 'haff' US, I'm all farkwit so I makes the rules around here.
 
2013-06-12 04:50:59 AM

doctor wu: Gee, Tom never vomits at home.


Only half a cup?
Don't you like my coffee?
 
2013-06-12 04:54:41 AM
I hope it does destroy coffee so all of the fake environmentalists in Seattle take it up the shiatter
 
2013-06-12 05:08:59 AM
 
NFA [TotalFark]
2013-06-12 05:11:15 AM
i6.goodness-direct.co.uk
 /hot. with soy milk.


rlv.zcache.com
 
2013-06-12 05:11:24 AM
There's a South America?
You mean like Texas or Tijuana?
 
2013-06-12 05:20:26 AM
People are still complaining about the weather?  Get over it.  Just limit you condumption yo Bloomberg sizes and all will be fine.

/Africa coffee meanwhile is doing fantastic
 
2013-06-12 05:32:38 AM
I love me some coffee. Usually black with sugar. Maybe some cream. And I approve of Starbucks' drip coffee and espresso. When I was in grad school, there were something like four different coffee pots in the department (history--we needed coffee, damnit) and it was always Community Coffee. (I guess it's a brand local to south Louisiana...) Now I don't have a coffee pot and my mother drinks nothing but that instant crap.

So now I get coffee less often. And when someone else is paying at Starbucks, and I'm in the mood for something sugary and sweet and not really coffee? White chocolate mocha.
 
2013-06-12 05:33:14 AM

YoOjo: Yes, I do. But while I'm half English and 'haff' US, I'm all farkwit so I makes the rules around here.


I am having possibly the shiattiest week/year of my life so far (no mean feat, considering one in the past involved being diagnosed with cancer) and that really made me laugh.  Thanks mate.
 
2013-06-12 05:36:17 AM
www.theofficedealer.com
 
2013-06-12 05:38:03 AM
www.theblindcard.com

My mom was from Argentina .. she drank this stuff all morning for over 80 years .. never sick a day in her life.

All that aside, the stuff tastes like dirt mixed with rat poison and pencil shavings filtered through a jockstrap. So there's that.
 
2013-06-12 05:41:54 AM
Pilon. Boiling water. Paper filter. Big mug.

I will lose my house without these four materials.
 
2013-06-12 05:50:53 AM
www.theblindcard.com

This is a "bombilla", a metal straw to suck up the mate. Some of the filter-thingies at the tip open up for cleaning. The gourds that the tea is drunk from with the bombilla can be very ornate (silver, etc.) or simple (gourds made from plants). Kids, I only tell you this because someday, a very dark day in the far future, we may be forced to guzzle this stuff in the mornings instead of coffee. God help us all.
 
2013-06-12 05:51:25 AM
Careful with the used jockstrap comment; you might give them ideas. Have you seen where some of those beans have been?!
 
2013-06-12 05:57:18 AM

mirazh1976: This is a researcher in the field making these claims not some ignorant Wired writer. I see this as further evidence that climatology has been taken over by political forces. A scientist makes an overly confident claim about "climate change" and it gets readily and uncritically reported by a high profile news source. And the take away that the reader gets is that their coffee is threatened by climate change. That's a classic propaganda move."

 (and this)

/Good night Fark


Well... from my life experiences, I have come to the conclusion that there are a LOT of educated idiots running around.  For whatever reason, talent has been replaced by diligence for achieving academic success in a lot of fields.  The  appearance of being an expert has nothing to do with actually being one.

Its a strange world.  I'm still grappling with it.
 
2013-06-12 06:06:11 AM
This will be a non issue when the replicator is invented.
 
2013-06-12 06:12:23 AM
The sooner the garbage that is Folger's and Maxwell House vanish, the better we will all be.
 
2013-06-12 06:13:41 AM

Deep Contact: This will be a non issue when the replicator is invented.


*cue Quantum Apostrophe biatching about 3d printers*
 
2013-06-12 06:14:42 AM

The Envoy: YoOjo: Yes, I do. But while I'm half English and 'haff' US, I'm all farkwit so I makes the rules around here.

I am having possibly the shiattiest week/year of my life so far (no mean feat, considering one in the past involved being diagnosed with cancer) and that really made me laugh.  Thanks mate.


Hey you're welcome, sorry to hear it's a bad week.
Made my paranoid anti-NSA antenna wobble when you first called me out on being a 'half & haff' but then I remembered we spoke in another thread about that.
/not that I have anything to hide
//well, maybe except this and that...
 
2013-06-12 06:21:01 AM
less than a third of global coffee comes from shiat america... and its a regular weather cycle
 
2013-06-12 06:27:12 AM
As a green tea drinker, I am getting a big kick out of this.
 
2013-06-12 06:28:16 AM
FTA: "Caused by a leaf-blighting fungus, possibly exacerbated by growing practices and climate change "

Oh well, I guess it's the closes thing to evidence the warming alarmists have.
 
2013-06-12 06:29:57 AM

mirazh1976: This is a researcher in the field making these claims not some ignorant Wired writer. I see this as further evidence that climatology has been taken over by political forces. A scientist makes an overly confident claim about "climate change" and it gets readily and uncritically reported by a high profile news source. And the take away that the reader gets is that their coffee is threatened by climate change. That's a classic propaganda move."

 (and this)


Uh, no.  It's crappy science journalism (or just flat out crappy journalism) and it happens all the time in every discipline.  A reporter didn't fully research his article and/or jumped to conclusions because "global warming threatens coffee" will generate page hits.
 
2013-06-12 06:35:13 AM
Now coffee will shoot up to $4/gal
 
2013-06-12 06:36:14 AM

jheard: As a green tea drinker, I am getting a big kick out of this.


...but not a jolt?
 
2013-06-12 06:36:44 AM

Tellingthem: I switched to a caffeine addiction in place of my other vices and now thats going to end up costing me just as much as the ones I've quit.


Milligram per milligram, caffeine pills are usually cheaper than coffee. Many stores have their own brands to make pills cheaper still. The last time I bought 'em was from Family Dollar where a bottle of (I think 30) 100mg was $3. (That I can't find them worries me: I might need to buy more.) And Excedrine (or store brand substitutes) have 65mg of caffeine per pill, but I don't buy them much because in addition to caffeine and aspirin it has acetaminophen (a.k.a Tylenol, paracetamol, etc.) which is bad for my drunkard's liver. Eventually the world might run out of caffeine pills too but by then I'll have come up with another brilliant idea.

And there's always tea. And maté. Etc. I agree that coffee is the best way to get our fix but it ain't the only one.
 
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