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(CBS Sports)   Tim Tebow to serve as backup for God   (cbssports.com ) divider line
    More: Obvious, Tim Tebow, gods, Patriots, Ed Werder, single player, necessarily true, CBSSports.com's Mike Freeman, Bill Belichick  
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1932 clicks; posted to Sports » on 10 Jun 2013 at 6:26 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-06-10 11:28:03 PM  
7 votes:

fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net

2013-06-10 06:43:43 PM  
7 votes:
And over in Stanford,
ESPN staffers say,
Skip Bayless's boner
Grew 3 sizes that day!
2013-06-10 06:37:04 PM  
6 votes:
www.acbeddoe.com
2013-06-10 06:35:27 PM  
6 votes:
Also:

♫ Our Tom is an awesome Tom  ♫
2013-06-10 06:34:55 PM  
5 votes:

CavalierEternal: If Tom Brady is God, then what does that make Eli Manning?


Christopher Hitchens?
2013-06-10 06:24:09 PM  
5 votes:
Pic from inside ESPN's offices

i1016.photobucket.com
2013-06-10 06:39:57 PM  
4 votes:

Di Atribe: CavalierEternal: If Tom Brady is God, then what does that make Eli Manning?

[i27.photobucket.com image 518x800]


Obviously... The Great Gazoo


encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
2013-06-11 02:51:12 AM  
3 votes:

i.imgur.com

2013-06-10 07:35:18 PM  
3 votes:

His unbelievably smarmy/shiatty personality aside, I'm okay with this, and I'm a Pats fan. We already know he'll do a great job kneeling down to hold the ball on extra points.

You have to feel bad for the guy he's replacing, though. Poor Mike Kafka. If only there were a word for situations where people, already marginalized by a cruel and capricious system, are powerless to prevent bad things from happening to them.

upload.wikimedia.org
R.I.P. MIKE KAFKA

2013-06-10 06:41:58 PM  
3 votes:
thesuiteworld.com
2013-06-10 06:33:39 PM  
3 votes:

CavalierEternal: If Tom Brady is God, then what does that make Eli Manning?


satan
2013-06-10 06:32:15 PM  
3 votes:
So, the money they used to spend on video equipment goes to trolling the rest of the NFL now.
2013-06-11 07:36:11 AM  
2 votes:
They signed him to lay hands on Gronk.  It's the only chance of him playing again.
2013-06-10 09:25:21 PM  
2 votes:

ariseatex: varmitydog: So now Rob Gronkowski is going to have to put up or shut up. Link Or is that put out or shut up? Maybe put out or get out?

Trust me, getting two bottoms together doesn't work.


Speaking of two bottoms, Fred Smoot did an AMA on r/nfl today.  He had something to say about the Love Boat.

i.imgur.com
2013-06-10 08:51:01 PM  
2 votes:
Tebow to New England? That's hilarious. You know what I want to see? I want to see Tom Brady get absolutely nuked, because then there are two possible outcomes:

1) Tebow has an epic season and in doing so completely destroys the legend of Tom Brady. Of course, that comes with a price since it enhances the legend of the Hoodie-Wearing Cheater (and how many titles has he won since that went down, anyway?), and who wants that?

2) Tebow is everything that people say he is and drags the Patsies down, down, down.

Either way we win, and since I kinda like Tebow against my better judgment I'll hope for the first outcome, but let's be honest, isn't the second one more likely?

But for any of this to happen it requires some serious Roughing-The-Brady, a call that comes when anyone gets within 5 yards of him and results in fines and suspensions, so we need someone to take one for the rest of us. Who will The Father send on behalf of his only begotten Son?
2013-06-10 08:17:00 PM  
2 votes:
cdn.jockular.com
2013-06-10 07:57:37 PM  
2 votes:
fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net
2013-06-10 07:40:55 PM  
2 votes:
New England:  The land just perfect for any kind of religious outcast
2013-06-10 07:22:53 PM  
2 votes:
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha !
2013-06-10 07:17:49 PM  
2 votes:
Tim Tebow = the next Matt Cassel?

/you gotta aim high, right?
2013-06-10 07:06:22 PM  
2 votes:

mjohnson71: buckeyebrain: In other news, jizz moppers from all over the country are being dispatched to Bristol, CT in much the same fashion as firefighters that are called in during a disaster.

http://www.servpro.com/

Has ESPN announced which single 30 minute segment of the day will be left Tebow-free? Or will it just be Tebow 24/7 for the next few months?


TSPN. All Tebow, All The Time.
2013-06-10 06:55:56 PM  
2 votes:
The really? this one? crowd: How's that $5 a month working out?

As for Teebus, I'm pretty sure he'll be playing WR. Lord knows he's gonna spend all season catching Brady's balls.
2013-06-10 06:47:20 PM  
2 votes:
"Darth Hoodie let Welker go, but bought in Tebow?!?!?"

imageshack.us
2013-06-10 06:37:17 PM  
2 votes:
How soon 'til I can buy a jersey for my Pats fan friend?
2013-06-10 06:36:47 PM  
2 votes:
Belichick Bledsoe'd Brady.
i.imgur.com

/didn't think I'd get to use this one again so soon.
2013-06-10 06:35:02 PM  
2 votes:
That said, it would be loltastic if somehow Brady gets injured in the playoffs and Tim Tebow, as a backup, defeats the Denver Ponies.
2013-06-10 06:34:40 PM  
2 votes:

CavalierEternal: If Tom Brady is God, then what does that make Eli Manning?


Overrated.
2013-06-10 06:33:54 PM  
2 votes:
well, it's not the first time the patriots picked up somebody the jets dropped
2013-06-10 06:33:26 PM  
2 votes:

Dougie AXP: So

Brady = Jesus?
Belichick = The Father
Tebow = The Holy Ghost?


If that means he's not going to be seen on the field, then I'm for it.
2013-06-11 09:48:43 AM  
1 vote:

Dinobot: That said, it would be loltastic if somehow Brady gets injured


i.imgur.com
2013-06-11 09:33:59 AM  
1 vote:

MmmmBacon: I give it to mid-season before Skip Bayless. Rex Ryan to be canned for letting Tebow 'slip through his fingers'.


i36.photobucket.com

The more Rex tightens his grip, the more players will slip through his fingers.

2013-06-11 09:15:26 AM  
1 vote:

garron: Tebow haters really have no idea how irrational and bigoted they sound.  There is no sound reasoning in their arguments and no facts to back up their accusations of his incompetence
.
Here are the completion percentages and win/loss records for the first year of several "top" quarterbacks compared to Tebow:

Player                         Completion               W/L Record
John Elway                    47.5%                         4-6
Payton Manning             56.7%                         3-13
Troy Aikman                   52.9%                         0-11
Terry Bradshaw              38.1%                         3-5
Joe Namath                    48.2%                         3-5-1
Tim Tebow                      46.5%                         7-4

Tebow earned the right and has demonstrated the ability to excel at the NFL level as much as any of these guys did in their first year.  The attacks on this kid are irrational and based simply on hatred and bigotry.


Tebow Hater/Lover aside...I am pretty sure the coaches/GM's in the NFL value winning above everything else, and if a guy can get it done on the field they will give them every chance.

Tebow has obviously not given his coaches/GM's any signs that he is capable of running a routinely successful NFL offense.  I don't know if it is his throwing technique which he catches so much flak for (being way too slow for quick NFL DB's), his prediliction for dancing outside the pocket, or what, but something is causing his coaches some real heartburn when it comes time to put him in the game.

To me, he seems like a good leader and is willing to learn/adapt (even if not very successful at it to-date), and when given a shot with a tailer-made offense, he kept winning in Denver...so it seems like someone should take a shot on him...and yet, he is like the friggin plague to coaches/GM's.

I didn't appreciate his prostheletizing commercial during the super bowl when he was still just another college QB (and I'm not pissy about it, he had every right, just personally I find TV commercials a horrible/shallow place to start an argument on religion/morality) ...but everything I have seen in the media since then just seems like what 99% of NFL players say...Thanks God and Jesus and wants to win and cares about teammates and all that.  I think it is fairly well known that most NFL fans really don't care one way or another about the guy at this point, and that most people are MUCH more annoyed with how sports media in general blows everything about him out of proportion.  I mean...who was the last 3rd string QB signed this off season before Tebow, why wasn't that breaking news?

And yet here I am furthering the conversation...I should learn my lesson
2013-06-11 07:16:39 AM  
1 vote:
What's going to be great is now ever single time the Patriots win and the Jets lose, ESPN will ask "Why couldn't the Jets win with Tebow as a back-up, while the Pats can?". I give it to mid-season before Skip Bayless is calling for Rex Ryan to be canned for letting Tebow 'slip through his fingers'.
2013-06-11 06:30:45 AM  
1 vote:
Oh that God! the patriots don't get enough coverage on ESPN now. This should help bring them back into the spotlight.
2013-06-11 05:56:12 AM  
1 vote:
This farking sucks. I love Tebow but I *hate* the Patriots with a passion that rivals only my hatred
for the Dallas Cowboys.
2013-06-11 02:59:08 AM  
1 vote:
Why did this have to happen? I really was ready for Mr. Tebow to move on out of organized athletics to the exciting world of Christian motivational speaking and to operate a chain of sports camps for little straight Christian boys.
2013-06-11 02:32:09 AM  
1 vote:

poughdrew: Adolf Oliver Nipples: ... Random Steelers' fan word salad...

The two possible outcomes you are looking for:

1) Tebow barely plays or doesn't play at all, and they trade him to some team for a 6th round pick, at which point the Pats continue to win the AFC East year after year.

2) Tebow is put in a useful role and the Pats continue to win the AFC East year after year.


Then the Ravens kick their ass in the playoffs. Again.
2013-06-11 01:10:25 AM  
1 vote:
Tebow's not taking Brady's spot.  He's taking LeGarrette Blount's spot.  The Bradysneak is already an incredibly potent weapon on the goal line, as are Gronkowski and Herny.  Amendola might be a poor man's Welker, but he's no slouch  Put Tebeer in the backfield, with the threat of Brady over center and huge TEs everywhere, and that's one more versatile weapon in Belichek's arsenal.  The Patriots have been desperate for a short-yardage banger, and Tebow fits that bill, possibly plus some.  Add into that his usefulness on the practice squad preparing the starters for read-options, and it starts to look like a pretty smart move.
2013-06-11 12:35:28 AM  
1 vote:

chewielouie: No. I doubt Belichick is bringing him in to ride the bench. I'd wager he wants to see if he can effectively use Tebow, when the Jets couldn't. This could be fun to watch.


Exactly.  This is really the only NFL team that makes any sense to sign him.  Nobody will fark with Hoody on this, and if they do, Hoody don't give a fark.  He's got Brady, and there's no farking reason to play Tebow if Hoody doesn't want to play Tebow.

From Brady's point of view, eventually he might become good enough to be #2, but he'll never take over for Brady unless Brady is retired or injured.  If he can contribute in a way that Brady stops losing Super Bowls I doubt he'll mind giving up a few snaps.  He seems more of a "do what we need to win" rather than "stroke my own ego" type QB.  (His wife is a different story, but maybe she can make Tebow a man if Gronk can't.)

No matter what, Hoody's bringing the lulz, and I love it.  It also makes the Chargers decision to media blackout for Te'o untili mini/training camp seem even smarter since Tebow will now be ESPN's jizzrag #1.
2013-06-10 11:59:30 PM  
1 vote:

poughdrew: Adolf Oliver Nipples: ... Random Steelers' fan word salad...

The two possible outcomes you are looking for:

1) Tebow barely plays or doesn't play at all, and they trade him to some team for a 6th round pick, at which point the Pats continue to win the AFC East year after year.

2) Tebow is put in a useful role and the Pats continue to win the AFC East year after year.


And gag in the playoffs year after year. Sounds good.
2013-06-10 11:34:02 PM  
1 vote:
Tebow gets cut during camp.  Fark complains that New England doesn't understand what it takes to win.
2013-06-10 10:54:43 PM  
1 vote:
Tebow has been signed to help Gronk cut down on partying.
2013-06-10 10:07:14 PM  
1 vote:
Is everyone overlooking the fact that Tebow - Hernandez only scored a gajillion TD's in Florida?   Hoodie isn't stupid.   Hell, if he's actually half as smart as everyone claims he is/isn't, he'll keep him at QB.   Why *totally* fark with his development and stick him in a new position?

Sure, he might be able to pull off TE or FB, I *might* be able to kick a 25 yard FG too.  Doubt it'll happen in the game situation.
2013-06-10 09:25:53 PM  
1 vote:
Genius move by the Pats.

1.  Sign Tebow
2.  Sell thousands of jerseys, shirts, posters, fatheads, etc. throughout the Bible belt
3.  Cut Tebow after preseason

The underpants gnomes never considered adding Tebow to the equation.
2013-06-10 08:48:22 PM  
1 vote:

traxan: My old man is an ex-football player, not pro or anything, but he thinks Tebow would be better off as a fullback than QB. What do some of you think?


Your dad is Al Bundy?
2013-06-10 08:48:07 PM  
1 vote:
GOOD, and maybe they will actually let him play rather that making him sit on the bench and watch the farking game. Asshats grabbed his contract just to bench him for the season, then complained when he didn't play up to their highly overinflated expectations.
2013-06-10 08:04:33 PM  
1 vote:
I'm positive the Hoodie has some plan that does not involve Tebow under center.

FB / TE are the obvious ones; depends on whether Tebow's hands are as worthless as his arm, I suppose
2013-06-10 07:52:17 PM  
1 vote:
Where's Bernard Pollard when you need him?
2013-06-10 07:41:04 PM  
1 vote:

Betep: Gronk gets to fark Tebow now.


That's a clause in the contract. Every time Gronk farks him, he gets to do one press conference. Otherwise, media blackout.
2013-06-10 07:30:00 PM  
1 vote:
Gronk gets to fark Tebow now.
2013-06-10 07:19:15 PM  
1 vote:

CavalierEternal: If Tom Brady is God, then what does that make Eli Manning?


Pontius Pilate?
2013-06-10 07:16:17 PM  
1 vote:

Tom_Slick: jayhawk88: Do you get the feeling the only reason Hoodie did this, is so he can get Tebow a TD when the Pats play the Jets, and Rex will have to answer questions from the NY media about it for a week?

That would be Maximum Trolling, and I'm OK with that.


I, too, support this notion.
i624.photobucket.com
2013-06-10 07:15:09 PM  
1 vote:
Tebow just might get that Super Bowl ring after all . . . and what a glorious day it will be on Fark if he does.
2013-06-10 07:10:29 PM  
1 vote:

EyeballKid: And over in Stanford,
ESPN staffers say,
Skip Bayless's boner
Grew 3 sizes that day!


Full of win!
2013-06-10 07:05:58 PM  
1 vote:
cdn.alltheragefaces.com
2013-06-10 07:00:10 PM  
1 vote:
Some times he looks...

a.espncdn.com

cloudchief.tv

cdn.bleacherreport.net

...almost human!
2013-06-10 06:53:01 PM  
1 vote:
In other news, jizz moppers from all over the country are being dispatched to Bristol, CT in much the same fashion as firefighters that are called in during a disaster.
2013-06-10 06:51:52 PM  
1 vote:
Belicheck moves him to defense for a season as a way to make him really understand defenses and how to read them.
2013-06-10 06:50:55 PM  
1 vote:
"BREAKING: Patriots sign new Long Snapper."

/Better than mine
//Tebow Skywalker
2013-06-10 06:47:57 PM  
1 vote:
i309.photobucket.com
2013-06-10 06:41:28 PM  
1 vote:

Dougie AXP: Triumph: How soon 'til I can buy a jersey for my Pats fan friend?

Probably plastered all over NFLShop.com right now.


Ryan Mallet already has number 15, what is Tebow going to do?
2013-06-10 06:40:34 PM  
1 vote:
Gronk 2 - Biblical Boogaloo
2013-06-10 06:40:33 PM  
1 vote:

Triumph: How soon 'til I can buy a jersey for my Pats fan friend?


I don't know, but apparently FatHead is already sending out Tebow fatheads to Patriots fans.
2013-06-10 06:40:32 PM  
1 vote:

CavalierEternal: If Tom Brady is God, then what does that make Eli Manning?


Reason. It always beats that god guys book at least
2013-06-10 06:40:02 PM  
1 vote:
Taking bets now, Tebow finishes the season as a TE, after Gronk has his 47th surgery on his forearm.
2013-06-10 06:39:52 PM  
1 vote:
More cameras on the field for some last-minute pregame adjustments
2013-06-10 06:37:59 PM  
1 vote:

Dinobot: That said, it would be loltastic if somehow Brady gets injured in the playoffs and Tim Tebow, as a backup, defeats the Denver Ponies.


i1182.photobucket.com
2013-06-10 06:37:32 PM  
1 vote:

CavalierEternal: If Tom Brady is God, then what does that make Eli Manning?


i27.photobucket.com
2013-06-10 06:34:01 PM  
1 vote:
Well, that was close

/I was afraid we'd have to go an entire season without hearing about that pious waste of money
2013-06-10 06:33:04 PM  
1 vote:
If anyone starts a Tebow chant at Gillette, I hope they get cock slapped by the people next to them.
2013-06-10 06:32:14 PM  
1 vote:

Klippoklondike: This one isn't terrible, but it's the low hanging fruit.


25.media.tumblr.com
2013-06-10 06:32:04 PM  
1 vote:

Primitive Screwhead: Pic from inside ESPN's offices

[i1016.photobucket.com image 420x321]


Is ESPN still on the air after finding out the Patriots signed Tebow? I'm surprised Bristol isn't a giant crater from the collective ESPN orgasm over Touchdown Jesus Tim getting signed to the Pats.
 
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