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(Village Voice)   What If George R. R. Martin Wrote Every TV Show Ever? ... Oh, man, wouldn't Little House on the Prairie be better?   (villagevoice.com) divider line 92
    More: Amusing, George R. R. Martin, prairies, Full House, Larry Hagman, Diane Chambers, Jay Leno, I Love Lucy  
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5273 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 05 Jun 2013 at 7:17 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-05 05:44:39 PM  
They'd have more to do on those cold nights...
 
2013-06-05 05:47:52 PM  
Little House on the Prairie, in which sister Mary goes blind and her daughter and Merlin Olsen's wife die when the local house for the blind catches on fire because adopted shiathead Albert Ingalls left a smoldering pipe on a pile of blasting caps and oily rags in the basement?

Hell, that show inspired Martin.
 
2013-06-05 05:52:49 PM  
It would be better

/but it would still suck
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-06-05 06:02:27 PM  
Moonlighting: David Addison loses a hand; Maddie Hayes loses her blouse. Also: They're brother and sister.

I would have liked the show more if they had cut straight to sex scenes instead of trying to drag out the tension in the style of the 1980s/1990s until it grew annoying. Do they still do that? Haven't watched TV in a while.
 
2013-06-05 06:11:26 PM  

kronicfeld: Little House on the Prairie, in which sister Mary goes blind and her daughter and Merlin Olsen's wife die when the local house for the blind catches on fire because adopted shiathead Albert Ingalls left a smoldering pipe on a pile of blasting caps and oily rags in the basement?

Hell, that show inspired Martin.


Don't forget the episode where a girl was raped by a blacksmith mime, which led her father to be pissed off at her for getting herself raped and then he sent her away to have her rape baby in secret.

And then she died while running away from the Rape Mime who came back for seconds.

/Michael Landon was farked in the head.
 
2013-06-05 06:22:24 PM  
Pretty sure he writes for Arrested Development.
 
2013-06-05 06:25:10 PM  
My Two Dads Who Died From Throat Slitting.
 
2013-06-05 06:27:29 PM  
FTA: The Simpsons  : No changes! Like all good series, the first half should be tight, focused, and touching upon brilliance. Then, it should bloat on and on, focusing on irrelevant characters and growing increasingly tiresome and meaningless.

Nice.
 
2013-06-05 06:42:32 PM  
About Buffy he said "Killing Jenny Calender was a nice start, but Xander should have also died."
 
2013-06-05 06:54:34 PM  
If GRRM wrote for Whedon, would anyone notice?
 
2013-06-05 07:05:43 PM  
Walnut Grove, you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Where neighbors knowingly sell anthrax riddled meat to a blind school.

Where the "good Christians" of the town threaten a pregnant woman because her husband was late with their newfangled corn seed.

Where mimes rape teenagers.

Where crazy old women live in the middle of the road.

Where Mrs. Olsen is able rule with tyranny and terror.

Where Albert Ingalls is able to spread sadness and despair wherever he walks.

I could go on and on.  King's Landing is a paradise compared to this place....
 
2013-06-05 07:10:12 PM  
"Bonanza" would have been awesome.
 
2013-06-05 07:27:19 PM  
Come and listen to a story bout a man named Jed,

Stabbed through the anus.
 
2013-06-05 07:31:48 PM  
GRRM needs to write a Star Trek series where the protagonists are all Klingon, It would be glorious.
 
2013-06-05 07:31:50 PM  
George RR Martin would probably have blown up the town as a finale to Little House On The Prairie...
 
2013-06-05 07:38:28 PM  
It makes me laugh to see how much GRRM is reviled and hated by his fans.  How crazy is that?
 
2013-06-05 07:40:38 PM  
Season 1: 2013

Season 2: 2017

Season 3: 2030

Season 4: Fark it, it's Football time

Football

Football

Season 4: 2040. Involving a whole bunch of new characters

Season 5: 2045 I promise....sorry? Did I hear football?

FOOTBALL

Season 6: OW MY HEART.... THUD
 
2013-06-05 07:40:44 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: the Rape Mime


Sounds like a Warren Ellis character.
 
2013-06-05 07:43:04 PM  
Project Runway: This week's challenge: Fashion something grand from smallclothes and boiled leather.

I can see them doing this
 
2013-06-05 07:43:21 PM  

LesserEvil: George RR Martin would probably have blown up the town as a finale to Little House On The Prairie...


To be fair, if Michael Landon hadn't decided to leave the show a couple years before it ended, he probably would have done the same thing.


Arachnophobe: FirstNationalBastard: the Rape Mime

Sounds like a Warren Ellis character.


Rape Mime is more a Garth Ennis character, IMO. Just imagine Bueno Excellente dressed as a mime.
 
2013-06-05 07:46:19 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: Arachnophobe: FirstNationalBastard: the Rape Mime

Sounds like a Warren Ellis character.

Rape Mime is more a Garth Ennis character, IMO. Just imagine Bueno Excellente dressed as a mime.


No, I'd really rather noooOOH GOD THE IMAGE IS IN MY HEAD

/you're totally right
 
2013-06-05 07:50:55 PM  
I can totally see Dinklage as Jake in 2 1/2 men.
 
2013-06-05 07:51:29 PM  

Arachnophobe: FirstNationalBastard: Arachnophobe: FirstNationalBastard: the Rape Mime

Sounds like a Warren Ellis character.

Rape Mime is more a Garth Ennis character, IMO. Just imagine Bueno Excellente dressed as a mime.

No, I'd really rather noooOOH GOD THE IMAGE IS IN MY HEAD

/you're totally right


static.comicvine.com
 
2013-06-05 07:54:03 PM  
 
2013-06-05 07:57:40 PM  

LesserEvil: What?


shiat... I should have dug deeper.

Michael Landon was REALLY farked in the head.
 
2013-06-05 08:00:41 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: LesserEvil: What?

shiat... I should have dug deeper.

Michael Landon was REALLY farked in the head.


If I can't have Walnut Grove....NO ONE WILL!!!
 
2013-06-05 08:08:53 PM  
I'd say this was the laziest article ever, but it was way too long. Besides, we know what kind of t he would write.  It was Beauty and the Beast.
 
2013-06-05 08:10:46 PM  
I heard he wrote an episode of Different Strokes.
images.mefeedia.com
 
2013-06-05 08:11:12 PM  

Arachnophobe: FirstNationalBastard: the Rape Mime

Sounds like a Warren Ellis character.


The actual Warren Ellis, dressed like a Rape Mime, is a China Mieville character. I'm almost positive I saw that already.
 
2013-06-05 08:17:52 PM  
rockpaperwatch.files.wordpress.com


images4.wikia.nocookie.net


I'll just lever this here.
 
2013-06-05 08:24:06 PM  
I would pay any sum of money to watch his reboot of Caillou.
 
2013-06-05 08:38:25 PM  

The Muthaship: I would pay any sum of money to watch his reboot of Caillou.


As someone who has a three year-old niece, this is the funniest thing I've ever read.
 
2013-06-05 08:45:26 PM  

WippitGuud: GRRM needs to write a Star Trek series where the protagonists are all Klingon, It would be glorious.


I'd pay cash right now for the chance of I seeking that
 
2013-06-05 08:52:30 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: kronicfeld: Little House on the Prairie, in which sister Mary goes blind and her daughter and Merlin Olsen's wife die when the local house for the blind catches on fire because adopted shiathead Albert Ingalls left a smoldering pipe on a pile of blasting caps and oily rags in the basement?

Hell, that show inspired Martin.

Don't forget the episode where a girl was raped by a blacksmith mime, which led her father to be pissed off at her for getting herself raped and then he sent her away to have her rape baby in secret.

And then she died while running away from the Rape Mime who came back for seconds.

/Michael Landon was farked in the head.


You forgot that Mary was a child bride at 14, so she'd fit right in with Martin's vision of girls getting married in their adolescence.
 
2013-06-05 08:56:41 PM  

The Muthaship: I would pay any sum of money to watch his reboot of Caillou.


I regret ever showing that terrible show to my child.  Caillou is the whiniest kid ever and it grates on me.  I think my son learns more negative than positive lessons from him.
 
2013-06-05 09:03:53 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: LesserEvil: What?

shiat... I should have dug deeper.

Michael Landon was REALLY farked in the head.


In case you wanted to see it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAz-C4QD488
 
2013-06-05 09:07:48 PM  
i6.photobucket.com

What's the deal with these dragons ?
 
2013-06-05 09:10:06 PM  
Little House on the Prairie would be more like a realistic house on the prairie.

You don't want to read that.
 
2013-06-05 09:16:02 PM  
Battlestar Ponderosa.
 
2013-06-05 09:47:10 PM  

Shadow Blasko: FirstNationalBastard: LesserEvil: What?

shiat... I should have dug deeper.

Michael Landon was REALLY farked in the head.

In case you wanted to see it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAz-C4QD488


What REALLY happened at Walnut Grove
 
2013-06-05 09:48:49 PM  

OtherLittleGuy: If GRRM wrote for Whedon, would anyone notice?


Yeah cause it wouldn't have been cancelled
 
2013-06-05 09:50:11 PM  

ScreamingHangover: [rockpaperwatch.files.wordpress.com image 300x206]


[images4.wikia.nocookie.net image 250x170]


I'll just lever this here.


I hate you. Hate you. Hate you. When I was a kid, watching that drivel, Nellie was the only bright spot. I wanted to make her smile. For decades now I've been attracted to 'severe' women. Now, every time I think of her, it'll be like I'm farking Joffrey. Damn you. Damn you, Sir or Madam.
 
2013-06-05 09:53:20 PM  

Phil Moskowitz: Little House on the Prairie would be more like a realistic house on the prairie.

You don't want to read that.


There is a book called "A Land Remembered" which chronicles the lives of a family from the first generation who settles in Florida during the Civil War and goes up through the 1950's.  If you like the characters, well... but it would seem quite realistic considering Florida was pretty much frontier country for some time.
 
2013-06-05 09:56:49 PM  
What about the episode where Jonathan Harvey is gutted with a gaff hook then tossed over the side of the boat?
 
2013-06-05 10:00:24 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: WippitGuud: GRRM needs to write a Star Trek series where the protagonists are all Klingon, It would be glorious.

I'd pay cash right now for the chance of I seeking that


Read Keith R. R. DeCandido's Star Trek novels, beginning with Diplomatic Implausibility; then The Brave and the Bold Parts 1 & 2; then the three I.K.S. Gorkon novels (Chancellor-class Klingon ship which, along with many of its crew [including characters seen in TNG and DS9 ― indeed, Captain Klag himself was first seen as the First Officer of the Klingon ship that Riker went aboard in a TNG episode] were set up and introduced in the previous novels I mentioned): A Good Day to Die, Honor Bound, and Enemy Territory; and finally Klingon Empire (continuing the saga of the Gorkon and its crew).

The back cover of the I.K.S. Gorkon novels reads:
Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Imperial Klingon Ship, Gorkon. Its continuing mission: to explore strange, new worlds. To seek out new life, and new civlizations. To boldly conquer them for the greater glory of the Klingon Empire!
What more could you want?
 
2013-06-05 10:07:33 PM  
Slight correction: "Klingon Empire" is a renaming of the continuation of the I.K.S. Gorkon series (to indicate that the novel series is about all things Klingon Empire, not just the one ship and its fascinating crew), not the name of a novel. The full name of the most recent (probably last, unfortunatly ― thanks, Abrams, for altering the timeline with your first movie so that no series past Enterprise happened, and none of the main human characters of TNG, DS9, nor Voyager were even conceived, thus pretty much destroying the market for all Trek novels not set in the new, altered continuity) is: Klingon Empire A Burning House.

Linky to DeCandido's SFF.net page which shows cover images of the four Klingon Empire neé I.K.S. Gorkon novels.
 
2013-06-05 10:16:46 PM  
They blew up the entire town at the end of Little House on the Prarie
 
2013-06-05 10:25:30 PM  

ScreamingHangover: [rockpaperwatch.files.wordpress.com image 300x206]


[images4.wikia.nocookie.net image 250x170]


I'll just lever this here.


Yeah, Nellie Oleson wouldn't be quite so sadistic in the GRRM version compared to the actual Little House.
 
2013-06-05 10:30:45 PM  
Firefly: Fourteen episodes?  Everyone's dead by number six.

Lost: Now about a Game of Thrones reader trying to get through the series without looking at the appendix.
 
2013-06-05 10:35:33 PM  

alaric3: They blew up the entire town at the end of Little House on the Prarie


Holy crap! Did they really?
 
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