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(Huffington Post)   And, lo, God spake to the Republicans and commanded that they end their mutiny and spare their leader, John Boehner   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 91
    More: Unlikely, Boehner, House Speaker, Republican, god, Congressional Gold Medal, Capitol Hill in Washington, US House of Representatives, Australian Prime Ministers  
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2357 clicks; posted to Politics » on 04 Jun 2013 at 1:35 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-04 10:27:06 AM  
these people are literally insane and yet they are making policy in washington. this should frighted the bejesus out of everyone.
 
2013-06-04 10:28:59 AM  
God apparently also wants them to lose elections.
 
2013-06-04 10:29:28 AM  
What does God need with a Tanning Bed addict?
 
2013-06-04 10:32:32 AM  

Aarontology: God apparently also wants them to lose elections.


Maybe God IS a good guy after all huh?
 
2013-06-04 10:33:25 AM  

wtfisthat: Aarontology: God apparently also wants them to lose elections.

Maybe God IS a good guy after all huh?


I think He's trolling the GOP.
 
2013-06-04 10:37:42 AM  

Aarontology: wtfisthat: Aarontology: God apparently also wants them to lose elections.

Maybe God IS a good guy after all huh?

I think He's trolling the GOP.


This is the GOP's book of Job?
 
2013-06-04 10:37:48 AM  

Aarontology: God apparently also wants them to lose elections.


Look at the people he told to run for president last time
 
2013-06-04 10:40:46 AM  

WI241TH: This is the GOP's book of Job?


No, Job was actually a good man.

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Look at the people he told to run for president last time


While telling all of them they would win.
 
2013-06-04 10:54:01 AM  
If we replaced the word God with the word Poseidon or Ganesha, we'd be having a very different conversation right now.
 
2013-06-04 10:56:14 AM  

exick: If we replaced the word God with the word Poseidon or Ganesha, we'd be having a very different conversation right now.


Well, I'm pretty sure it'd be much the same in Latin or Hindi
 
2013-06-04 11:01:49 AM  
Let my boner gOOOOOOOOOOOO
 
2013-06-04 11:06:55 AM  
Oh, stop all that groveling
i42.tinypic.com
Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy"...
 
2013-06-04 11:13:31 AM  
Can't we just send the GOP back to the 16th century, where they'd be most comfortable, and move on with things?
 
2013-06-04 11:17:15 AM  
So he's the John of Leiden of this century. Must make him proud.
 
2013-06-04 11:23:16 AM  
A few dozen Republicans opposed the modest Helping Sick Americans legislation because they said it came from nowhere. Instead, Cantor pulled the bill and held another vote to repeal Obamacare - their 37th attempt to repeal part or all of the landmark health-care law - to appease conservatives.

Wow.
 
2013-06-04 11:57:48 AM  
www.mideastweb.org

Approves.
 
2013-06-04 12:21:37 PM  
Jesus wept.  And then so did Boehner, repeatedly, and at the drop of a farking hat.
 
CDP [TotalFark]
2013-06-04 12:24:32 PM  
We all know teh baby jebus is a republican and not some godless homersexual
Loving commie lieberal
 
2013-06-04 12:27:52 PM  
The role of God in this case was played by funding from the RNC.
 
2013-06-04 12:38:35 PM  
I don't think this is what "a coming to god moment" means.
 
2013-06-04 12:39:56 PM  
This is satire, right?   RIGHT?
 
2013-06-04 12:46:22 PM  
Both sides are totally bad though and furthermore comma
 
2013-06-04 12:49:52 PM  
I'm curious, what if God had commanded them to slaughter everyone in Ithaca except the virgin girls, who they could then rape?

Numbers 31:7-18

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=numbers%2031:7-18&versio n= NIV
 
2013-06-04 12:50:58 PM  
Republicans aren't only stupid and reckless, they're farking insane.
 
2013-06-04 01:40:50 PM  

CDP: We all know teh baby jebus is a republican and not some godless homersexual
Loving commie lieberal


Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John were RINOs.

/I seriously have no idea what Bible they read, but mine told me to love my fellow humans no matter their personal situations.
 
2013-06-04 01:42:16 PM  

vernonFL: I'm curious, what if God had commanded them to slaughter everyone in Ithaca except the virgin girls, who they could then rape?

Numbers 31:7-18

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=numbers%2031:7-18&versio n= NIV


That doesn't count, those were the JEWS doing the killing.   Christians aren't at fault for THAT God.

Except when they think he said to also kill the homos.
 
2013-06-04 01:42:41 PM  
www.healthcentral.com

Serious the GOP is a party of paranoid schizophrenics.
 
2013-06-04 01:42:53 PM  

DamnYankees: A few dozen Republicans opposed the modest Helping Sick Americans legislation because they said it came from nowhere. Instead, Cantor pulled the bill and held another vote to repeal Obamacare - their 37th attempt to repeal part or all of the landmark health-care law - to appease conservatives.

Wow.


If anyone wonders why people think the Teatards call the shots within the GOP, well, here it is. The barest hint of disapproval by "conservatives" and the leadership bends over backwards to appease them.
 
2013-06-04 01:43:01 PM  

DamnYankees: A few dozen Republicans opposed the modest Helping Sick Americans legislation because they said it came from nowhere. Instead, Cantor pulled the bill and held another vote to repeal Obamacare - their 37th attempt to repeal part or all of the landmark health-care law - to appease conservatives.

Wow.


And now they're planning on completely pillaging the preventive medicine fund and using it to fund even more high risk insurance pools that we all know will fail miserably!
 
2013-06-04 01:43:19 PM  

Tomahawk513: CDP: We all know teh baby jebus is a republican and not some godless homersexual
Loving commie lieberal

Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John were RINOs.

/I seriously have no idea what Bible they read, but mine told me to love my fellow humans no matter their personal situations.


The Bible is like the Constitution: the people who lean on it the most are least likely to have read it.
 
2013-06-04 01:43:28 PM  

Tomahawk513: CDP: We all know teh baby jebus is a republican and not some godless homersexual
Loving commie lieberal

Matthew, Mark, Luke, and JohnDuck were RINOs.

/I seriously have no idea what Bible they read, but mine told me to love my fellow humans no matter their personal situations.

 
2013-06-04 01:45:49 PM  
kunochan.com

Why did this headline get greenlit, when I submitted this story with a funnier headline?
 
2013-06-04 01:46:16 PM  
God spoke to them in the image of Nancy Pelosi sitting upon a golden throne as Speaker of a Republican-led House.
 
2013-06-04 01:46:35 PM  

markie_farkie: Can't we just send the GOP back to the 16th century, where they'd be most comfortable, and move on with things?


Yea, we could use Obama's time machine.
 
2013-06-04 01:47:12 PM  
Soon my people will arrive. Do you think Boenher is safe to devour? We are unsure what the LD50 on nicotine is when consumed ingrained in the flesh of an inferior species.
 
2013-06-04 01:49:30 PM  
Right then. Lets kick out everyone who heard god or said its was because of god or starts the meetings with a prayer, because thats a violation of church and state.

/An lo, only 20 republicans were left behind as the hand of the People swept the rest away.
 
2013-06-04 01:49:35 PM  
 
2013-06-04 01:50:31 PM  
assets0.ordienetworks.com

Boehner wept.
 
2013-06-04 01:51:08 PM  
Why didn't God stop the GOP from ousting Gingrich in the late 90s?
 
2013-06-04 01:53:35 PM  

Aarontology: WI241TH: This is the GOP's book of Job?

No, Job was actually a good man.

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Look at the people he told to run for president last time

While telling all of them they would win.


I find this dubious.  The evidence provided that Job was good is that he had lots of stuff (and heaps of slaves).  When we actually get the experience Job first-hand, he is a whiny, self-centered jerk, who biatches constantly ("my life is horrible because my children all got killed, but their deaths only matter inasmuch as it gives me a sad, because they were just extensions of my massive ego").  He isn't patient or humble at all.  He spends literally pages calling God a farkwad douchenozzle*, only refraining from reciting a certain, very specific phrase.  He is "good" simply for being a persnickety rules-lawyer.

To put in another scenario: if you went off on your boss in some 30-minute Lenny Brucian rant, but simply refused to call him a "Shetland Pony-shagging cum-dumpster for South American drug lords", does that really make you a respectful employee?

* And considering God told Satan to whale on Job, you would have to argue God is a farkwad douchenozzle.  If your cousin walked up to you and said "your children only like you because you care for them", would your response be to strip them naked, inoculate them with smallpox, and then drop them off in a landfill?  I'm not sure what is more worrisome: that God thinks nuking someone from orbit on a dare is good procedure, or that he was gullible enough to fall for the dare.
 
2013-06-04 01:53:35 PM  

Obama's Reptiloid Master: Soon my people will arrive. Do you think Boenher is safe to devour? We are unsure what the LD50 on nicotine is when consumed ingrained in the flesh of an inferior species.


I bet he's tasty. He's been marinading in bourbon and the occasional tear for like 10 years.
 
2013-06-04 01:54:04 PM  

HighOnCraic: Why didn't God stop the GOP from ousting Gingrich in the late 90s?


Even your Jesus cannot find love in his heart for Newty Newt.
 
2013-06-04 01:54:57 PM  
i38.photobucket.com
And I thought I was crazy!
 
2013-06-04 01:55:37 PM  
wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com
 
2013-06-04 01:56:13 PM  

PainInTheASP: What does God need with a Tanning Bed addict?


It's spray on, he dyed for our sins.
 
2013-06-04 01:56:18 PM  

markie_farkie: Can't we just send the GOP back to the 16th century, where they'd be most comfortable, and move on with things?


You mean the period in the transition between the Renaissance and the Enlightenment?  Why do you think the GOP would be comfortable during a time when learning and rational thought were on the rise?
 
2013-06-04 01:56:35 PM  

Aarontology: God apparently also wants them to lose elections.


Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad . . .
 
2013-06-04 01:59:05 PM  

Headso: PainInTheASP: What does God need with a Tanning Bed addict?

It's spray on, he dyed for our sins.


+1 Internets!
 
2013-06-04 01:59:29 PM  

Headso: PainInTheASP: What does God need with a Tanning Bed addict?

It's spray on, he dyed for our sins.


Okay, I laughed.
 
2013-06-04 02:00:29 PM  
Jesus died for your lower marginal income tax brackets.
 
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