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(The Atlantic)   Contrarian critic bravely and devestatingly pans After Earth, alone amongst the sea of praise and accolades from his peers   (theatlantic.com) divider line 89
    More: Obvious, Earth, hr giger, M. Night Shyamalan, quick turn, Jada Pinkett Smith, subtext, Last Airbender  
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4902 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 03 Jun 2013 at 2:00 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-03 12:55:54 PM  
You forgot to add "Difficulty: Not Armond White", subby.
 
2013-06-03 01:01:00 PM  
I saw it yesterday. While I didn't necessarily like it, I didn't hate it either. Very much just meh.
 
2013-06-03 01:03:12 PM  
Who would have thought a sci fi movie based on Scientology would suck???

ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2013-06-03 01:03:38 PM  
Alone amongst his peers?  Seems like every review I've seen is highly negative.
 
2013-06-03 01:13:13 PM  

Honest Bender: Alone amongst his peers?  Seems like every review I've seen is highly negative.


i356.photobucket.com
 
2013-06-03 01:15:42 PM  
 First, as Cypher explains, since our departure all life on the planet "has evolved to kill humans." (Why life would evolve to hunt a prey that is no longer present is another of those questions the film declines to tackle.)

Yea, when I heard this in the commercial I was already over it.

Animals don't evolve to kill prey that doesn't exist anymore. It would be like a cat developing a sense to smell Dodo blood.
 
2013-06-03 01:17:55 PM  
At this rate, a positive review of After bEarth would probably rate a newsflash tag
 
2013-06-03 01:25:20 PM  

Honest Bender: Alone amongst his peers?  Seems like every review I've seen is highly negative.


thatsthejoke.jpg
 
2013-06-03 01:33:40 PM  
Jazzy Jeff is looking a lot more punchable these days.
 
2013-06-03 01:33:54 PM  
I understand Will Smith wanting to promote his Scientologist views, even though he does not claim he is a member of that particular cult.
I understand Smith wanting to try to foist on us his son as an up and coming superstar.  It was the same with his daughter's "Whip My Hair Back and Forth" or whatever song.  These kids don't get a second look if not for the money their parents are throwing into their "careers."  It's like Rebecca Black but with an enormous budget and built-in name recognition.
I get it.
And even though Smith doesn't seem to understand that a turd cake with all the delicious frosting available is still just a shiatty cake, I understand what he's trying to do.

But I still don't understand using Shmayalan.
 
2013-06-03 01:43:13 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: But I still don't understand using Shmayalan.


Uwe Boll was busy.
 
2013-06-03 01:46:09 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: But I still don't understand using Shmayalan.


Me too. It just doesn't make sense, especially when you look at the fact that they are barely using his name at all. His previous movie posters had "M. Night Shamalyan's [Insert Movie Here]. Now you have to actively hunt for his name on movie posters.
 
2013-06-03 02:02:15 PM  
The only review I've seen of it that didn't completely pan it was one on the local news in which Arch Campbell rated it "two stars and a shrug".
 
2013-06-03 02:02:36 PM  

vernonFL: Who would have thought a sci fi movie based on Scientology would suck???

[ecx.images-amazon.com image 340x500]


That was a fun movie, come on!
 
2013-06-03 02:06:04 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: I understand Will Smith wanting to promote his Scientologist views, even though he does not claim he is a member of that particular cult.
I understand Smith wanting to try to foist on us his son as an up and coming superstar.  It was the same with his daughter's "Whip My Hair Back and Forth" or whatever song.  These kids don't get a second look if not for the money their parents are throwing into their "careers."  It's like Rebecca Black but with an enormous budget and built-in name recognition.
I get it.
And even though Smith doesn't seem to understand that a turd cake with all the delicious frosting available is still just a shiatty cake, I understand what he's trying to do.

But I still don't understand using Shmayalan.


Funny story, this turd was passed over several times while in pre-production and they actually had a hard time finding a director to attach to it. This turd was also partially written by Smith's son, like literally he was the genesis for what you see on screen and responsible for many of the fleshed out parts (that even exist).

Sure, they'll tell the tale that supposedly they seeked Night out, but honestly that was only after shopping it around a few times. They basically had to go to a friend and ask that friend to please pretty please direct this so we can get it made.
 
2013-06-03 02:07:04 PM  

clancifer: I saw it yesterday. While I didn't necessarily like it, I didn't hate it either. Very much just meh.


GiantRex: The only review I've seen of it that didn't completely pan it was one on the local news in which Arch Campbell rated it "two stars and a shrug".


on today's adam carolla podcast, their movie dude "Bald Bryan", who is a big movie fan (a movie themed podcast of his own) said it was a very "meh" movie, but theorized that because it is a Shyamalan joint, if critics are intentionally shiatting on it (and also the subject matter).  it is polling at 12% on rotten tomatoes.  dude is like, "there is no way this is a 12% movie.  It should be in the 40s, or about 50%.  it isn't great. it isn't bad.  it is just a 'mleh' movie."
 
2013-06-03 02:08:58 PM  
AdolfOliverPanties:But I still don't understand using Shmayalan.

It's his best film since The Last Airbender.
 
2013-06-03 02:11:28 PM  

IdBeCrazyIf: This turd was also partially written by Smith's son, like literally he was the genesis for what you see on screen and responsible for many of the fleshed out parts (that even exist).



didn't know that....back to Bald Bryan's review, he's like, "the story is very basic.  earth is uninhabitable, these astronauts land there, one guy can't move after the crash landing, jaden smith has to go find help.  it is a very, very basic story."

which i guess would make sense if some 16 yr old dude wrote it.
 
2013-06-03 02:13:10 PM  

rickythepenguin: clancifer: I saw it yesterday. While I didn't necessarily like it, I didn't hate it either. Very much just meh.

GiantRex: The only review I've seen of it that didn't completely pan it was one on the local news in which Arch Campbell rated it "two stars and a shrug".

on today's adam carolla podcast, their movie dude "Bald Bryan", who is a big movie fan (a movie themed podcast of his own) said it was a very "meh" movie, but theorized that because it is a Shyamalan joint, if critics are intentionally shiatting on it (and also the subject matter).  it is polling at 12% on rotten tomatoes.  dude is like, "there is no way this is a 12% movie.  It should be in the 40s, or about 50%.  it isn't great. it isn't bad.  it is just a 'mleh' movie."


Exactly.  Release this movie as Alan Smithee and it doesn't get a tenth of the attention, as opposed to now, where people are tripping over themselves to tell you how "terrible" it is.
 
2013-06-03 02:15:24 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: I understand Smith wanting to try to foist on us his son as an up and coming superstar. It was the same with his daughter's "Whip My Hair Back and Forth" or whatever song. These kids don't get a second look if not for the money their parents are throwing into their "careers." It's like Rebecca Black but with an enormous budget and built-in name recognition.


I don't think it is any different than a son following his father's law career, drawing upon his advice, his existing connections, or working at his father's law firm. It's common in everything from plumbing to politics. Maybe this is what his kids want, maybe it isn't, but it's hard to place fault on a father for wanting his son to be as successful as he has been.
 
2013-06-03 02:15:48 PM  

rickythepenguin: it is polling at 12% on rotten tomatoes.  dude is like, "there is no way this is a 12% movie.  It should be in the 40s, or about 50%.  it isn't great. it isn't bad.  it is just a 'mleh' movie."


Then the dude doesn't know how Rotten Tomatoes works.

A 12% on RT doesn't mean that it sucks 38% more than one that gets a 50, it means there's a 38% broader consensus that it sucks.
 
2013-06-03 02:17:44 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: But I still don't understand using Shmayalan.


That was Smith's call.  They've been friendly for years.
 
2013-06-03 02:18:55 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: But I still don't understand using Shmayalan.


He's not in a position to turn down offers of employment at this point.
 
2013-06-03 02:20:25 PM  

taliesinwi: Exactly. Release this movie as Alan Smithee and it doesn't get a tenth of the attention, as opposed to now, where people are tripping over themselves to tell you how "terrible" it is.


LOLWUT? You release a film as Alan Smithee and people will trip over themselves to figure out why it was so bad the director divorced himself from the production.
 
2013-06-03 02:21:15 PM  

rickythepenguin: didn't know that....back to Bald Bryan's review, he's like, "the story is very basic. earth is uninhabitable, these astronauts land there, one guy can't move after the crash landing, jaden smith has to go find help. it is a very, very basic story."

which i guess would make sense if some 16 yr old dude wrote it.


And Gary Whitta helped finalized the script, the dude that wrote Book of Eli

Another movie with very little going on in it that did the entire forced pull of heart strings with that bible shiat. Don't get me wrong, the movie had potential but the vapidity of characters were to the point that I honestly didn't give a shiat who lived or died.
 
2013-06-03 02:26:35 PM  
After Earf
 
2013-06-03 02:26:37 PM  

theorellior: taliesinwi: Exactly. Release this movie as Alan Smithee and it doesn't get a tenth of the attention, as opposed to now, where people are tripping over themselves to tell you how "terrible" it is.

LOLWUT? You release a film as Alan Smithee and people will trip over themselves to figure out why it was so bad the director divorced himself from the production.


Bad example.  (Although I maintain memories are short and not many remember what the name "Alan Smithee" means).  The point is you release it with a name that isn't "someone who's shiat the bed with his last few movies and everyone wants to see keep failing" and the reviews all come in as 2/4 type stuff.  I'm seeing this movie get 1s for God's sake.  That is, 1 out of 10.  That's "Birdemic" level bad.
 
2013-06-03 02:28:45 PM  

theorellior: You release a film as Alan Smithee and people will trip over themselves to figure out why it was so bad the director divorced himself from the production.



IIRC the academy of whomever "banned" the alan smithee tag after i think that American HIstory X  about a decade ago.....the neo nazi edward norton film.  i forget why but i think the days of alan smithee helmed movies are over.
 
2013-06-03 02:31:45 PM  

rickythepenguin: IIRC the academy of whomever "banned" the alan smithee tag after i think that American HIstory X about a decade ago.....the neo nazi edward norton film. i forget why but i think the days of alan smithee helmed movies are over.


It was formally retired by the directors guild in 2000, however outside Hollywood it still sees uses
 
2013-06-03 02:34:35 PM  

OOBE Juan Kenobi: After Earf


Came for that, thanks!
 
2013-06-03 02:48:19 PM  
After that awful video of him and his son rapping in the UK, I had very low expectations for this.

Kid can't rap or act. Lucky for him he's got a rich daddy.
 
2013-06-03 02:48:45 PM  

thismomentinblackhistory: AdolfOliverPanties: I understand Smith wanting to try to foist on us his son as an up and coming superstar. It was the same with his daughter's "Whip My Hair Back and Forth" or whatever song. These kids don't get a second look if not for the money their parents are throwing into their "careers." It's like Rebecca Black but with an enormous budget and built-in name recognition.

I don't think it is any different than a son following his father's law career, drawing upon his advice, his existing connections, or working at his father's law firm. It's common in everything from plumbing to politics. Maybe this is what his kids want, maybe it isn't, but it's hard to place fault on a father for wanting his son to be as successful as he has been.


Yep.  Like I said, I get that part.

But one would think he would try to put his son in vehicles that are good.  I guess "The Pursuit of Happyness" wasn't terrible, even if it did stink of Will Smith choosing it as solely as a way of trying to get accolades for playing against type.

I understand a father breaking his kid into show biz, but I still reserve the right to see it as nothing but a crass "I'm a superstar and so OF COURSE my offspring must be superstars too" effort.
 
2013-06-03 02:50:33 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: I understand a father breaking his kid into show biz, but I still reserve the right to see it as nothing but a crass "I'm a superstar and so OF COURSE my offspring must be superstars too" effort.


Well its either this or send the kid off to the Disney machine and hope he comes out sane on the other side
 
2013-06-03 02:54:57 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: But one would think he would try to put his son in vehicles that are good.


Especially vehicles that allow the kid to gradually work into his chops, rather than have him attempt to carry an entire movie by himself, "acting" against a greenscreen to CGI added in post.
 
2013-06-03 02:55:33 PM  

scottydoesntknow: AdolfOliverPanties: But I still don't understand using Shmayalan.

Me too. It just doesn't make sense, especially when you look at the fact that they are barely using his name at all. His previous movie posters had "M. Night Shamalyan's [Insert Movie Here]. Now you have to actively hunt for his name on movie posters.


Yeah, a few years ago it was called the Schumacher Effect.
 
2013-06-03 02:56:22 PM  
Jaden Smith missed his calling: playing Riley in a live-action Boondocks
 
2013-06-03 03:00:52 PM  
Shamalangadingdong is a pretty good director. It's the writing that generally lets the films down.

/still likes Unbreakable and The Sixth Sense
 
2013-06-03 03:07:10 PM  

rickythepenguin: clancifer: I saw it yesterday. While I didn't necessarily like it, I didn't hate it either. Very much just meh.

GiantRex: The only review I've seen of it that didn't completely pan it was one on the local news in which Arch Campbell rated it "two stars and a shrug".

on today's adam carolla podcast, their movie dude "Bald Bryan", who is a big movie fan (a movie themed podcast of his own) said it was a very "meh" movie, but theorized that because it is a Shyamalan joint, if critics are intentionally shiatting on it (and also the subject matter).  it is polling at 12% on rotten tomatoes.  dude is like, "there is no way this is a 12% movie.  It should be in the 40s, or about 50%.  it isn't great. it isn't bad.  it is just a 'mleh' movie."


To be fair, Baldy has pretty horrible taste in movies...
 
2013-06-03 03:21:54 PM  
Will Smith is the world's biggest, and hence most annoying, helicopter parent.
 
2013-06-03 03:27:27 PM  

vernonFL: Who would have thought a sci fi movie based on Scientology would suck???

[ecx.images-amazon.com image 340x500]


To be honest, I quite enjoyed the Battlefield Earth book. It wasn't particularly well-written, but the premise was cool.

I will say, however, that the guy who loaned my the book in college took my "I liked it" comment as an opportunity to loan me Dianetics. He bugged me for months to meet some of his "friends" who could "help" me with whatever was bothering me. Ugh. Sorry, Phil, I'm not joining you cult.
 
2013-06-03 03:28:15 PM  

Craptastic: Sorry, Phil, I'm not joining your cult.


ftfm
 
2013-06-03 03:28:24 PM  
$cientology is a terrible drug...
 
2013-06-03 03:33:19 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: To be fair, Baldy has pretty horrible taste in movies...


i don't watch very many movies period, so all the discussion on wehter "Speed" (or whatever) was good or crap, or Fast 6, etc., is lost on me.  the only movie i've seen that they've discussed recently was Django, which was awesome.

or like when Ace was fawning over that german dude for the nazi hunter film, i never saw that.  "Deceptive Bastards" or whatever.  i'm just not a huge movie guy.
 
2013-06-03 03:43:06 PM  

Craptastic: Sorry, Phil, I'm not joining your cult.


Was he in dental school, perhaps?
 
2013-06-03 03:44:31 PM  

scottydoesntknow: First, as Cypher explains, since our departure all life on the planet "has evolved to kill humans." (Why life would evolve to hunt a prey that is no longer present is another of those questions the film declines to tackle.)

Yea, when I heard this in the commercial I was already over it.

Animals don't evolve to kill prey that doesn't exist anymore. It would be like a cat developing a sense to smell Dodo blood.


Maybe they have...don't see any Dodo birds around these days...cat's evolved...

Also took out dinosaurs and moderate politicians
 
2013-06-03 03:50:39 PM  

scottydoesntknow:  First, as Cypher explains, since our departure all life on the planet "has evolved to kill humans." (Why life would evolve to hunt a prey that is no longer present is another of those questions the film declines to tackle.)

Yea, when I heard this in the commercial I was already over it.

Animals don't evolve to kill prey that doesn't exist anymore. It would be like a cat developing a sense to smell Dodo blood.


I thought they meant more in the generic sense: ie that all life on earth evolved to compete for resources, ergo for billions of years all the native and flora and fauna has been competing with humans, something that wouldn't be true on alien worlds we colonized.   So I was willing to give it the benefit of the doubt.   but then I read this:
" And a final two-fer: Earth's temperature drops to lethal extremes every night (lethal to human beings, that is, not to any of the abundant native flora and fauna) necessitating that Kitai reach a "hot spot" before each bedtime; and the atmosphere has thickened such that Kitai must ingest a precious "breathing liquid"-of which there is an inadequate supply-every 20 to 24 hours. (Given the abundance of "rules," it will perhaps come as no surprise that Shyamalan's co-writer on the screenplay, Gary Whitta, is a video-game journalist and consultant.)
 
2013-06-03 03:57:29 PM  

Magorn: scottydoesntknow:  First, as Cypher explains, since our departure all life on the planet "has evolved to kill humans." (Why life would evolve to hunt a prey that is no longer present is another of those questions the film declines to tackle.)

Yea, when I heard this in the commercial I was already over it.

Animals don't evolve to kill prey that doesn't exist anymore. It would be like a cat developing a sense to smell Dodo blood.

I thought they meant more in the generic sense: ie that all life on earth evolved to compete for resources, ergo for billions of years all the native and flora and fauna has been competing with humans, something that wouldn't be true on alien worlds we colonized.   So I was willing to give it the benefit of the doubt.   but then I read this:
" And a final two-fer: Earth's temperature drops to lethal extremes every night (lethal to human beings, that is, not to any of the abundant native flora and fauna) necessitating that Kitai reach a "hot spot" before each bedtime; and the atmosphere has thickened such that Kitai must ingest a precious "breathing liquid"-of which there is an inadequate supply-every 20 to 24 hours. (Given the abundance of "rules," it will perhaps come as no surprise that Shyamalan's co-writer on the screenplay, Gary Whitta, is a video-game journalist and consultant.)


Or you know, suspension of disbelief for a movie's sake.

Remember who every game of Throne's thread just wound up being about how silly it was to think a Dragon could fly? What with the wingspan and body mass ratios, plus they can breath fire?

/haven't seen after earth
//expect a mildly entertaining popcorn movie
 
2013-06-03 03:58:27 PM  
I just released a terrible airbender in my office that probably smells better than this film.
 
2013-06-03 04:00:47 PM  

nocturnal001: Or you know, suspension of disbelief for a movie's sake.


Difficulty: those very rules are broken by the film's own plot. Enjoy your popcorn.
 
2013-06-03 04:07:25 PM  

theorellior: nocturnal001: Or you know, suspension of disbelief for a movie's sake.

Difficulty: those very rules are broken by the film's own plot. Enjoy your popcorn.


Well shiat...guess it's a renter.
 
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