Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   The most positively delightful review of After Earth you will read today   (startribune.com) divider line 173
    More: Obvious, Rumer Willis, Will Smith, Jaden Smith, Laurence Fishburne, cavemen, Tori Spelling, Bruce Willis, M. Night Shyamalan  
•       •       •

8011 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 01 Jun 2013 at 4:19 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



173 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-06-01 10:59:37 AM  
That's a shame; I was hoping that if this film did well, M. Night would get the greenlight for Unbreakable 2. Don't see it happening now.
 
2013-06-01 11:02:44 AM  
After bEarth

/amirite?
 
2013-06-01 11:11:30 AM  
"...for reasons I can't explain because I am not fluent in stupid."

I am going to use that phrase as much as possible in the coming weeks.
 
2013-06-01 11:11:59 AM  
After Earf.
 
2013-06-01 11:13:55 AM  
Great review.
 
2013-06-01 11:20:58 AM  
I had a feeling it was going to be bad
 
2013-06-01 11:54:43 AM  
Having watched that movie, I concur.

Quite disappointing.
 
2013-06-01 12:02:44 PM  
i39.tinypic.com

Approves
 
2013-06-01 12:03:41 PM  
"Everything on this planet has evolved to kill humans," he warns. Which is a stupid evolutionary strategy, with no humans around.

Seriously, this was the point when I first saw the trailer where I went from "maaaaybe this could be cool" to "oh for fark's sake."
 
2013-06-01 12:12:24 PM  
One of the best negative reviews I think I've ever read.
 
2013-06-01 12:20:46 PM  
Good stuff (the review, that is). I only wish Roger Ebert could be around to review this one.
 
2013-06-01 12:21:38 PM  

W. T. Fark: [i39.tinypic.com image 550x366]

Approves


That's fitting, since I've read other reviews of After Earth that say it's thinly veiled Scientology propaganda.
 
2013-06-01 12:26:10 PM  

Secret Agent X23: Good stuff (the review, that is). I only wish Roger Ebert could be around to review this one.


Me too. There have been a ton of great reviews of this movie though. M. Night movies are like Christmas for those of us who love to read savage reviews.
 
2013-06-01 12:28:28 PM  

propasaurus: W. T. Fark: [i39.tinypic.com image 550x366]

Approves

That's fitting, since I've read other reviews of After Earth that say it's thinly veiled Scientology propaganda.


Vanity project by famous actor? Check.
Envisioned as a franchise? Check.
Thinly-veiled Scientology? Check.
Savaged by critics? Check.
Failed at the box office? (checks numbers) Check.
Earth in the title? Check.

This is the spiritual sequel to Battlefield Earth. I'll have to watch it one day.
 
2013-06-01 12:35:32 PM  

Confabulat: Secret Agent X23: Good stuff (the review, that is). I only wish Roger Ebert could be around to review this one.

Me too. There have been a ton of great reviews of this movie though. M. Night movies are like Christmas for those of us who love to read savage reviews.


The gift that keeps giving.

I don't read many movie reviews these days, but this will probably spur me on to look for a few.
 
2013-06-01 12:42:06 PM  

Hoban Washburne: "Everything on this planet has evolved to kill humans," he warns. Which is a stupid evolutionary strategy, with no humans around.

Seriously, this was the point when I first saw the trailer where I went from "maaaaybe this could be cool" to "oh for fark's sake."


I don't know it's a coincidence, but this is the second project involving Shaymalalanana that wins the Morbo Award for its gross misunderstanding of evolution.

The first being the one with the plants that communicate a people killing toxin instantaneously across species.
 
2013-06-01 12:43:17 PM  

Confabulat: Secret Agent X23: Good stuff (the review, that is). I only wish Roger Ebert could be around to review this one.

Me too. There have been a ton of great reviews of this movie though. M. Night movies are like Christmas for those of us who love to read savage reviews.


Are you saying there's a ton of great positive reviews, or a ton of great negative reviews? I'm assuming negative because it's pullin 12% (which is actually lower than the last fark greenlight about the movie).
 
2013-06-01 12:51:10 PM  

scottydoesntknow: Confabulat: Secret Agent X23: Good stuff (the review, that is). I only wish Roger Ebert could be around to review this one.

Me too. There have been a ton of great reviews of this movie though. M. Night movies are like Christmas for those of us who love to read savage reviews.

Are you saying there's a ton of great positive reviews, or a ton of great negative reviews? I'm assuming negative because it's pullin 12% (which is actually lower than the last fark greenlight about the movie).


Great negative reviews. It's no fun reading a positive review. Not that I've seen much in that way regarding this flick.
 
2013-06-01 12:55:16 PM  
FTA: Smith senior plays Gen. Cypher Raige, the stoic military leader of an off-planet Earthling colony. I am not making this up, that is seriously his name.

That sounds like the villain in a really, really cheesy Shadowrun module.
 
2013-06-01 01:00:55 PM  
You people just don't understand why this film is so great.  You're not just seeing a movie; you're viewing whole track memories from your previous lives.  Will Smith is just trying to nudge you into understanding that you have lived before and this knowingness can help you unlock the superhuman abilities inside you.
 
2013-06-01 01:14:47 PM  
Here's another one the reviewer has savage fun with:

Link
 
2013-06-01 01:18:32 PM  

Confabulat: Great negative reviews. It's no fun reading a positive review. Not that I've seen much in that way regarding this flick.


Oddly, I ran across this at rogerebert.com in my search for reviews:

http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/after-earth-2013

The guy give it three and a half stars and bends over backwards trying to contrive nice things to say about it without actually saying anything nice enough to make it sound like a good movie.
 
2013-06-01 01:28:39 PM  
I saw it last night. It was every bit as bad as you might imagine it to be. Will Smith is trying really hard to get his son over. That's the only explanation for this and Karate Kid. The problem, of course, is that Jaden Smith is really, really bad. He can't even play a whiny, spoiled kid whose dad is missing for considerable lengths of time, which oddly mirrors his own life so much that he may as well be playing himself. Also, hearing his movie name endlessly repeated (what was it, Kitteh?) was worse than watching Finding Nemo because at least Finding Nemo was fun.
 
2013-06-01 01:36:41 PM  
Link

"no better than Rebecca Black's "Friday" video. It's a bought-and-paid-for vanity piece for a spoiled teenager"

Ouch.
 
2013-06-01 02:13:07 PM  
Jaden Smith is miscast in his own movie.
"Apparently Mom and Dad wanted to buy young Jaden action stardom for Christmas."
 
2013-06-01 02:24:40 PM  
Steven Barnes wrote a review this morning, and in the framework of a Young Adult movie, he thought it was fine. Not great, but viewed as YA fiction as opposed to action film, he thought it did OK. For grown people, maybe not so great, and there were moments he groaned a bit, but viewed with his son, it was a good time.
 
2013-06-01 02:53:07 PM  

Secret Agent X23: Good stuff (the review, that is). I only wish Roger Ebert could be around to review this one.


He took the easy way out.
 
2013-06-01 02:57:05 PM  
I already lost it at "the collected works of Tori Spelling."
 
2013-06-01 03:51:06 PM  
the kind of film that would make Ed Wood excuse himself and skulk to the exit.

www.tshizzle.com

/Hilariously brutal review.
//Armond White will deem it Oscar-worthy.
///Third slashie. Just because.
 
2013-06-01 04:04:51 PM  

Apos: Armond White will deem it Oscar-worthy.


He's already reviewed it and even HE slags M. Night.

Cypher's unreachable paternal tenderness (from "cipher" the hip-hop term for community) may strongly affect moviegoers who welcome paternal scolding but it's by no means sure-fire, especially given M. Night Shyamalan's lethargic, non-visionary direction of Kitai's sub-Apocalyptoobstacle course. Smith fans who are unaware of how adolescent life lessons were taught in rich, earth-bound movies likeSounder, The Yearling, National Velvet, The Human Comedy may yet respond enthusiastically toAfter Earth-less as entertainment than as a matter of need.
 
2013-06-01 04:04:56 PM  

gopher321: That's a shame; I was hoping that if this film did well, M. Night would get the greenlight for Unbreakable 2. Don't see it happening now.


Interesting, since to me at least, I thought that was clearly his best film.
 
2013-06-01 04:05:52 PM  

W. T. Fark: [i39.tinypic.com image 550x366]

Approves


You aren't even kidding. The whole premise of this movie sounds like its mainlining Scientology.
 
2013-06-01 04:24:01 PM  

dletter: Interesting, since to me at least, I thought that was clearly his best film.



I STILL haven't accepted that Unbreakable was helmed by MNS: It was that good.

Confabulat: Apos: Armond White will deem it Oscar-worthy.

He's already reviewed it and even HE slags M. Night.

Cypher's unreachable paternal tenderness (from "cipher" the hip-hop term for community) may strongly affect moviegoers who welcome paternal scolding but it's by no means sure-fire, especially given M. Night Shyamalan's lethargic, non-visionary direction of Kitai's sub-Apocalyptoobstacle course. Smith fans who are unaware of how adolescent life lessons were taught in rich, earth-bound movies likeSounder, The Yearling, National Velvet, The Human Comedy may yet respond enthusiastically toAfter Earth-less as entertainment than as a matter of need.



Tomorrow's box office numbers will tell.
 
2013-06-01 04:27:59 PM  

Sgt Otter: FTA: Smith senior plays Gen. Cypher Raige, the stoic military leader of an off-planet Earthling colony. I am not making this up, that is seriously his name.

That sounds like the villain in a really, really cheesy Shadowrun module.


Indeed. Or a character made up by a 13 year old.
 
2013-06-01 04:34:09 PM  

hubiestubert: Steven Barnes wrote a review this morning, and in the framework of a Young Adult movie, he thought it was fine. Not great, but viewed as YA fiction as opposed to action film, he thought it did OK. For grown people, maybe not so great, and there were moments he groaned a bit, but viewed with his son, it was a good time.


That's a pretty lazy excuse for what's clearly sloppy screenwriting and bad acting.
 
2013-06-01 04:35:44 PM  
1. "Everything has evolved to kill humans."

2. "Do you know what happens to a toad when it gets struck by lightning? Same thing that happens to everything else."

3. "Hold me. Like you did by the lake on Naboo"
 
2013-06-01 04:40:40 PM  
Where's Harvey Plinkett when we need him?
 
2013-06-01 04:42:21 PM  

W. T. Fark: [i39.tinypic.com image 550x366]

Approves


Sounds like the script could have been written by L.Ron Hubbard.....

/ any Scientology references in this film?
// probably not going to see it, even the Rifftraxed "Battlefield Earth" was painful to sit through...
 
2013-06-01 04:44:58 PM  
"It's like the vibe between Melissa and Joan Rivers on the Oscars red carpet, but in space."

That needs to be on a poster.
 
2013-06-01 04:47:25 PM  

Son of Thunder: Where's Harvey Plinkett when we need him?


Murdering a hooker and shoving her in his meat fridge?
 
2013-06-01 04:51:08 PM  

Apos: the kind of film that would make Ed Wood excuse himself and skulk to the exit.

[www.tshizzle.com image 350x210]

/Hilariously brutal review.
//Armond White will deem it Oscar-worthy.
///Third slashie. Just because.


Beat me to it :)

So M. Nights a Scientologist now?  Boy that farking explains alot.  An absolute farkton in fact.
 
2013-06-01 04:51:58 PM  

Torgo_of_Manos: "...for reasons I can't explain because I am not fluent in stupid."

I am going to use that phrase as much as possible in the coming weeks.


Came here to say the same. I expect this to be a staple of my upcoming status meetings.
 
2013-06-01 04:53:20 PM  
I really wish they had stuck to their first title, The Pursuit of Happyness 2: Space Boogaloo
 
2013-06-01 04:54:56 PM  
I can't stand that little shiat Jaden and this movie sounds awful, but I'll still end up having to watch it because it's a big budget sci-fi flick.
 
2013-06-01 04:56:55 PM  
Hmm. Rage. Good one, but throw an i in there. You know, so people won't think it's the real word.

What a twist.
 
2013-06-01 04:57:48 PM  

orclover: So M. Nights a Scientologist now?


Will Smith wrote the story.
 
2013-06-01 04:58:19 PM  
I didn't even realize this was an M. Night movie, but I guess that explains why the premise is so stupid.

How the fark are all the animals on Earth supposed to evolve to kill a thing which ISN'T THERE?!?! And not only that, but to imply that they evolved to hunt humans would imply that humans were the most abundant and convenient food source left - not other animals. And for everything to evolve radically in a thousand farking years? Holy Xenu the whole thing just drips with stupid before you even buy your ticket.
 
2013-06-01 04:58:29 PM  

orclover: So M. Nights a Scientologist now?


I don't believe it's M. Night.  Someone on another board and more astute than me pointed out that Will Smith decided not to work with a "celebrated" director (Smith turned down "Django Unchained"), but rather a director that had enough name recognition, but not enough cred or clout that he wouldn't fight any of the artistic choices that Smith would strong-arm him into, should he get any silly ideas that either Smith should look any different than they way they wanted to be seen in any frame.

Now, Will Smith being a Scientologist?  That I can see.
 
2013-06-01 04:59:40 PM  
The presence of not-so- Fresh Sciento Prince's spoiled brat in it is all need to know that this is a massive pile of Xenu poop.

They REALLY need to stop trying to make that farking kid happen.
 
2013-06-01 05:04:15 PM  

orclover: Apos: the kind of film that would make Ed Wood excuse himself and skulk to the exit.

[www.tshizzle.com image 350x210]

/Hilariously brutal review.
//Armond White will deem it Oscar-worthy.
///Third slashie. Just because.

Beat me to it :)

So M. Nights a Scientologist now?  Boy that farking explains alot.  An absolute farkton in fact.


Even if that's his preferred religion, it wouldn't-and shouldn't-be an issue if he was just capable of consistently making great movies. That's not really THAT much to ask of a director who loudly proclaims that Hitchcock was his inspiration to anyone within earshot.
 
Displayed 50 of 173 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report