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(Salon)   A device that Ailes had installed in every green room in the building methodically sucks the life force out of five adorable baby puppies and deposits it into O'Reilly's face, keeping him fresh and youthful-looking for one more day   ( divider line
    More: Amusing, o'reilly, Roger Ailes, Sean Hannity, Bernie Goldberg, most massive stars, senior producer, caller ID, Bill Shine  
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2193 clicks; posted to Politics » on 30 May 2013 at 8:53 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-05-30 09:04:42 AM  
6 votes:
The Fox News offices have a sacrificial alter (carved from stone hewn from Golgotha) in the basement, with a pentagram drawn on the floor in living flame that never burns out, but that's just for show, something to keep the production assistants busy. Six sub-basements below that is where the real action takes place. There, in an unnaturally cold room that opens into a small cave, rests the Shrine of the Multi-Faced One. Ever shifting, it appears as many things to different people, and some claim they can hear it singing a soft song that sounds like war. Each on-air personality must spend a week alone in this cave, given nothing but a supply of water and a sharp knife. If after a week of being that close to the shrine, they have not cut their own jugular, they are considered "Fair and Balanced".
2013-05-30 10:06:24 AM  
2 votes:
Every once in a while, I flip over to Fox News when I'm bored.  Maybe once a month. Rarely there longer than a minute.  Last night it was O'Reilly, and he had Paul Ryan on.  It began with O'Reilly grinning, pointing at Ryan, and shouting, "EXACTLY!  EXACTLY!"  Then Ryan said something like, "This isn't even a partisan position.  This is common sense."  And something from O'Reilly like, "But liberals don't see it that way."

That was enough for me.
2013-05-30 09:28:33 AM  
2 votes:
Once upon a time, there was a place of great goodness, called the FOX News building. Gentle fawns gamboled there amidst happy, laughing spirits. The sounds of innocence and joy filled the air. And when it rained, it rained sweet nectar that infused one's heart with a desire to live life in truth and beauty. Generally speaking, a ghastly place, reeking of virtue's sour smell. Engorged with the whispered prayers of kneeling mothers, mewling newborns, and fools, young and old, compelled to do good without reason ... But, I am happy to point out that our story does not end in this wretched place of saccharine excess. For there's another place, its opposite: A place of almost unimaginable power, chock full of dark forces and vicious secrets. No prayers dare enter this frightful maw. The spirits there care not for good deeds or priestly invocations, they're as likely to rip the flesh from your bone as greet you with a happy "good day." And if harnessed, these spirits in this hidden land of unmuffled screams and broken hearts would offer up a power so vast that its bearer might reorder the Earth itself to his liking.
2013-05-30 11:28:39 AM  
1 vote:
FTA:  "O'Reilly hates Sean [Hannity] and he hates Rush [Limbaugh] because they did better in radio than he did,"

one of the reasons could be that their core audiences can't work a cable box
2013-05-30 11:17:50 AM  
1 vote:

Car_Ramrod: Yea, but kids are stupid

Tell me about have you ever tried to discuss politics with a six year old.  And don't even get me started on having a five year old help you move.
2013-05-30 10:45:24 AM  
1 vote:

rufus-t-firefly: Hey, he'll help you relax.

Typed Bill O'Reilly dirty talk is the language equivalent of the Winston Churchill in drag visual.

I do want a shower now, though. So thanks for that.

rufus-t-firefly: And what grown-ass man uses the word "boobs" when trying to arouse a woman?

The kind whose idea of passion culminates in a lights-out, four minute, missionary only session while still wearing black dress socks and sock garters?
2013-05-30 10:43:44 AM  
1 vote:
It was a unique, bottom-up management structure that had built-in checks and balances coming from the top down.

It's not that unique.  A lot of terrorist organizations use that management structure.
2013-05-30 10:32:14 AM  
1 vote:
I only read the article to see if there was a designated time of day for Bill to dildo himself while sexually harassing staffers.

I was sadly disappointed.
2013-05-30 10:19:29 AM  
1 vote:

rufus-t-firefly: BarkingUnicorn: I  can't finish TFA.  It's like trying to follow the ramblings of a drunk.

I can't imagine how much booze & pills it would take to work with O'Reilly.

People like O'reilly don't have stress. They are, however, carriers of it and should be avoided at all costs.
2013-05-30 10:11:24 AM  
1 vote:

Where wolf: I mean, the guy is smart enough to set up his own show, outline every detail of his message, but can't understand how networked printers work? Amazing.

My boss has a Masters in Electrical Engineering from Cornell.  Even when I try to explain how to use his computer more effectively, or fix simple problems on a level that my tech deficient 12 year old can understand, he just won't get it.  I think it is generational/ego or maybe just high functioning slight autism.  He is very smart in his field, but once you get out of his field or he gets into 'this is the way I do/understand something' mentality, there is little convincing him otherwise.
2013-05-30 10:05:23 AM  
1 vote:

Trial by stone!
2013-05-30 10:03:53 AM  
1 vote:
Boy is he going to be pissed when Jen puts the shard back in the dark crystal.  O'Reilly will have to recombine with Rachel Maddow to form one being.

/When single shines the triple sun...
2013-05-30 09:50:59 AM  
1 vote:
Baby puppies? Aren't all puppies inherently babies?

2013-05-30 09:36:18 AM  
1 vote:
"Actually, Bill, the muffin thing got debunked," Steiner started to tell him. "A guy from the hotel came out and said -"

"I don't give a shiat what the guy said," Bill interrupted, suddenly angry.

 As long as it fits the narrative the truth is always optional in Mr Ailes' neighborhood.

...a powerful female VP who banned him from our air and demanded that all Fox-affiliated websites refer to him only as "Pig Maher."

Wondered where that came from.
2013-05-30 09:22:50 AM  
1 vote:
Also, any anchors who mentioned the site on air had to use the phrase "left-wing Politico"
2013-05-30 09:05:36 AM  
1 vote:
The headline is seriously deranged.  Life force sucker outers are ALWAYS either in the kitchen or the mens room.

/everybody knows that
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