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(Gawker)   "Um...yeah...did you get the memo...about your TPS reports? You need to list all your suicide bombs and IEDs, mmkay? Oh, and...I'm gonna need you to go ahead and blow up an embassy...on Sunday. Mmkay? Grrrreat"   (gawker.com) divider line 66
    More: Sad, improvised explosive devices, TPS, suicide bombers, embassy, memoranda, mujahedeen  
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9301 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 May 2013 at 4:53 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-29 03:00:02 PM
"I have eight different bosses, Bob."

"Eight?"

BOOM

"OK, seven different bosses."
 
2013-05-29 03:07:09 PM
Damn you, Poe's Law!
 
2013-05-29 03:46:05 PM
At least it wasn't a PowerPoint file.
 
2013-05-29 03:48:09 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-29 04:14:57 PM
I can't even imagine what would happen if someone stole a stapler from them.
 
2013-05-29 04:54:55 PM
- Achmed, your bombmaking needs to be better.  You're always missing the infidels!

-um, yeah Saeed, I wouldn't say that I'm missing them.
 
2013-05-29 04:57:08 PM
Repeat from WHEN WE FOUND AND KILLED BIN LADEN
 
2013-05-29 04:57:33 PM
cloudant.com
 
2013-05-29 04:58:10 PM
Suicide vests must have a minimum of 15 pieces of flair.
 
2013-05-29 05:00:14 PM
"We're gonna be getting rid of these people here... First, Mr. Samir Naga... Naga... Naga... Not gonna work for Al Quaida anymore, anyway."
 
2013-05-29 05:01:30 PM
So do they give the receipts to the next of kin or do they blow themselves up and have Allah pay them in the afterlife?
 
2013-05-29 05:02:09 PM
"Eventually, Belmoktar had enough; he formed his own terrorist group  ..."

i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-29 05:02:33 PM
I think you should think add about adding some extra flair to your uniform, there, mkay?
www.waronline.org
 
2013-05-29 05:04:33 PM

StopLurkListen: Repeat from WHEN WE FOUND AND KILLED BIN LADEN


You must be a blast at parties, Mr. Buzzkill.
 
2013-05-29 05:06:33 PM
bureaucracy; the great equalizer.

Soon, they'll be just as irrelevant as congress.
 
2013-05-29 05:08:22 PM

blatz514: I can't even imagine what would happen if someone stole a stapler from them.


"I could burn down the bunker."
 
2013-05-29 05:10:54 PM
Well, DUH!!!

All governments require excessive paperwork in order to create a facade of legitimacy. Otherwise, they're indistinguishable from any other gang.
 
2013-05-29 05:14:08 PM
Sounds like someone has a case of the moon gods.

webpages.charter.net
 
2013-05-29 05:16:09 PM
I swear to Allah I will coont punt you.
 
2013-05-29 05:16:45 PM
The longer, referenced and linked AP article is worth the read as well.  Good grief.

Say what you like about the tenets of Lawful Evil, at least it's an ethos...
 
2013-05-29 05:19:40 PM
Never sign a purchase order, have the new guy do it.
 
2013-05-29 05:26:05 PM
Seriously, is anyone surprised at this?  Terrorism is a business, just like any other.  A group has a set of goals to accomplish and a fixed amount of resources with which to accomplish them.  Of course they're going to try to maximize the efficiency of their personnel.
 
2013-05-29 05:28:57 PM
No shiat, this has been known since the 90's. bin Laden was career enterprise management and architected AQ as a classic mid-size multinational. Those things run on paperwork.

How else to get a bunch of college educated engineers to, essentially, develop a global brand strategy and execute an effective product launch(DOHOHOHO) on the backs of a bunch of Bronze Age illiterate sheepfarking Pashtos?

Ideaology only gets you so far. After that you need process,biatches.
 
2013-05-29 05:29:19 PM
All your life you dream of one day sticking it to the infidel and working your way up to heaven. Next thing you know, you're stuck in a cubical working middle management praying for the sweet release of death.
 
2013-05-29 05:29:24 PM
Two virgins. At the same time.
 
2013-05-29 05:30:57 PM
WIth that much burocracy, middle management and ineptitude, you'd think they worked for COBRA!
 
2013-05-29 05:36:56 PM
Sounds like we might need to introduce them to Six Sigma and ISO compliance. They'll never get any real work done again once they get going on that.
 
2013-05-29 05:42:55 PM
How long ago was Osama killed?  That's how old this story is.  Heard it about two days later.
 
2013-05-29 05:43:09 PM

StopLurkListen: Repeat from WHEN WE FOUND AND KILLED BIN LADEN


media.salon.com
 
2013-05-29 05:45:22 PM

buzzcut73: Sounds like we might need to introduce them to Six Sigma and ISO compliance. They'll never get any real work done again once they get going on that.


The war on terror din't end with a bang it ended with the gentle sound of white papers and budget request being argued to death at continuous improvement meetings.

/sorry but we didn't get buy in from quality on the new suicide vests
 
2013-05-29 05:48:42 PM
'Ok, we're going to start today's Al Qaeda meeting with a couple of icebreakers. In front of you is a 3X5 card with a question to ask the terrorist to your left. It might be when they were radicalized, or who they first beheaded - something like that. We'll take 5 minutes and then you'll share with the group what you've learned about the murderer next to you. After the icebreakers we'll split up into focus groups and then discuss 6 month and 12 month goals for the destruction of the United States and its allies, mmmmk?'
 
2013-05-29 05:49:04 PM
This strikes me as equivalent to telling your boss Tony Soprano that you're starting your own crew and to go to hell. It might feel good, but there's a downside.
 
2013-05-29 05:49:50 PM
www.shadowlocked.com

It looks like Bad Horse inducted a new member and someone is out shopping for a shiny new Australia.
 
2013-05-29 06:01:37 PM

buzzcut73: Sounds like we might need to introduce them to Six Sigma and ISO compliance. They'll never get any real work done again once they get going on that.


Brilliant! All it takes with Six Sigma  (and its ilk) is one micromanager with access to all those numbers, all those newly accountable and measurable tasks...and the entire organization will collapse from being over-managed.

/Plus, can you imagine how much it'll cost to buy labelmakers that print in Pashtun? That's gonna be a special order, and those get pricey.
 
2013-05-29 06:03:15 PM
Just wait until OSHA drops by

"Does that suicide vest have a safety mechanism?"

"You're going to need a CDL to drive that truck bomb. Oh and the bomb making shop needs to be swept clean of debris. Tripping hazard"
 
2013-05-29 06:08:08 PM

Somacandra: i.imgur.com


Actually, it would be PC LOAD A4 in that part of the world.
 
2013-05-29 06:10:16 PM

iheartscotch: bureaucracy; the great equalizer.

Soon, they'll be just as irrelevant as congress.


i wish. extremist motherhumper hate kill groups with a lengthy history, an agenda and active freaks club members don't just become irrelevant. the entire line of these sick minds need to be eliminated for the good of mankind; they want to kill everyone who is not of their insanity. Morans with all capital letters. and that Al Queda group is pretty bad too.
 
2013-05-29 06:17:15 PM

Vlad_the_Inaner: "Eventually, Belmoktar had enough; he formed his own terrorist group  ..."

[i.imgur.com image 360x252]


with blackjack and hookers....
 
2013-05-29 06:19:04 PM
I can only imagine how creative they'd be at smashing a printer.
 
2013-05-29 06:19:19 PM
That has to be fake.  What that article is describing is a cartoon villain.
 
2013-05-29 06:23:17 PM
Gotta track your expenses to stay afloat?

Unrelated to the actual article, my ex had a thing for Gary Cole (Bill Lumbergh).  Frequently surprising to hear people confess who they have secret things for.
 
2013-05-29 06:25:10 PM

willfullyobscure: No shiat, this has been known since the 90's. bin Laden was career enterprise management and architected AQ as a classic mid-size multinational. Those things run on paperwork.

How else to get a bunch of college educated engineers to, essentially, develop a global brand strategy and execute an effective product launch(DOHOHOHO) on the backs of a bunch of Bronze Age illiterate sheepfarking Pashtos?

Ideaology only gets you so far. After that you need process,biatches.


Whoever is doing their asset management must hate his job....

"Look, i know ishtar blew himself up and took 4 infidels with them, but seriously, when he was hired we TOLD him he is supposed to send in his cell phone ahead of time. Maybe its sitting on his desk, maybe it was in his pocket when he set off to meet allah. I don't care. I have to bill your cost code 600 bucks for breaking the god damn at&t contract for it........what? Call his wife and ask if she has seen it? WHICH ONE"


Now i'm sitting here wondering if the arabic version of a bunch of products like peoplesoft support multiple wives.
 
2013-05-29 06:29:48 PM

everlastinggobstopper: 'Ok, we're going to start today's Al Qaeda meeting with a couple of icebreakers. In front of you is a 3X5 card with a question to ask the terrorist to your left. It might be when they were radicalized, or who they first beheaded - something like that. We'll take 5 minutes and then you'll share with the group what you've learned about the murderer next to you. After the icebreakers we'll split up into focus groups and then discuss 6 month and 12 month goals for the destruction of the United States and its allies, mmmmk?'

Too good, skit material.
 
2013-05-29 06:36:54 PM

blatz514: I can't even imagine what would happen if someone stole a stapler from them.


9/11
 
2013-05-29 06:47:06 PM

LineNoise: willfullyobscure: No shiat, this has been known since the 90's. bin Laden was career enterprise management and architected AQ as a classic mid-size multinational. Those things run on paperwork.

How else to get a bunch of college educated engineers to, essentially, develop a global brand strategy and execute an effective product launch(DOHOHOHO) on the backs of a bunch of Bronze Age illiterate sheepfarking Pashtos?

Ideaology only gets you so far. After that you need process,biatches.

Whoever is doing their asset management must hate his job....

"Look, i know ishtar blew himself up and took 4 infidels with them, but seriously, when he was hired we TOLD him he is supposed to send in his cell phone ahead of time. Maybe its sitting on his desk, maybe it was in his pocket when he set off to meet allah. I don't care. I have to bill your cost code 600 bucks for breaking the god damn at&t contract for it........what? Call his wife and ask if she has seen it? WHICH ONE"


Now i'm sitting here wondering if the arabic version of a bunch of products like peoplesoft support multiple wives.


I would assume expenses are universally cash advance and they budget projects accordingly, then reconcile assets/cash on the backside, carry two sets of books for the year, and so on. That way the cell phone can be written off any way they care too.
 
2013-05-29 06:47:07 PM

Mouser: Seriously, is anyone surprised at this?  Terrorism is a business, just like any other.  A group has a set of goals to accomplish and a fixed amount of resources with which to accomplish them.  Of course they're going to try to maximize the efficiency of their personnel.


Considering how we're always told these people are mindless animals, it's always surprising to the uninformed when they do shiat like math.
 
2013-05-29 06:48:44 PM

vudukungfu: blatz514: I can't even imagine what would happen if someone stole a stapler from them.

9/11


9/11 times 100?
 
2013-05-29 06:58:06 PM

RsquaredW: I swear to Allah I will coont punt you.



Beautifull.
 
2013-05-29 07:21:13 PM

PC LOAD LETTER: Somacandra: i.imgur.com

Actually, it would be PC LOAD A4 in that part of the world.


I thought they used stretched-out sheepskins.


/....... after washing out the stains, 'course.
 
2013-05-29 07:53:34 PM
Why do I totally doubt the veracity of this report?
 
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