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(Tribune)   "Damnit, there's a gopher living in the front yard. Honey, fetch me a shovel and the gunpowder"   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass  
•       •       •

12269 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jan 2004 at 5:34 AM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

64 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-01-03 12:13:13 AM  
Link goes crazy for me. Anyone else?
2004-01-03 12:14:37 AM  
DARWIN tag needed
2004-01-03 12:15:07 AM  
"Oh, you've won this round gopher -- but when I get out of the burn unit, your furry little ass is mine!"
[image from too old to be available]
2004-01-03 12:20:42 AM  
In case others are having trouble:

WOODBRIDGE: A 28-year-old Colonia resident was badly burned as he ignited gunpowder on his lawn early yesterday.

Police said Paul Ciesla dug a pit in front of his Continental Avenue home at about 1:30 a.m. and filled it with gunpowder. He then leaned over the pit and proceeded to light the substance with a lighter. It blew up in his face, knocking him back on the ground and setting him on fire.

The Colonia and Avenel First Aid squads responded to the scene, along with paramedics from Rahway. Ciesla was taken to Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital at Rahway and was later transported to the burn unit at St. Barnabas Medical Center in Livingston. His condition was not available yesterday.

Police said Ciesla received second- and third-degree burns to the upper half of his body, with burns on his face, hands, arms and chest. The Colonia Fire Marshal and Fire Inspector are investigating the incident.
2004-01-03 12:21:26 AM  
chakalakasp, my throughts exactly
2004-01-03 02:10:54 AM  
Is it just me or is there no mention of a gopher in the story?

Makes me wonder exactly why the fool would dig a pit and fill it with gunpowder of all things.
2004-01-03 02:27:23 AM  
I'm with chakalakasp and bobdoler, and apparantly the submitter too, sine the gopher wasn't in the real article :)
2004-01-03 03:18:18 AM  
Submitter took a good stab at figuring out WHY someone would dig a hole in their own yard and fill it with gunpowder... Sometimes you have to read between the lines.
2004-01-03 05:42:46 AM  
"Elvie boy, why'd go go and shoot your Pappy fo'?"
2004-01-03 05:46:00 AM  
how about some c4 in the shape of a squirrel?
2004-01-03 05:47:45 AM  
I am going to beg the moderators' indulgence and use this newest article (along with my insomnia - it's past 2:30 a.m.) to pass on a message to fellow Farkers.

I still read often, though I don't post much any more (which is something I'd like to change). But in the past year, there has been more than one occasion where I've been encouraged and reassured by Farkers worldwide. And I would like to thank you for being the open community you that doesn't say "who the fark cares about YOU?".

Buddha bless you, Drew; you really put together an amazing site and an amazing group....and many congratulations on the new family member!

I live with a Parkinsons-like neurological condition (such fun...) and I mostly stay home (no woe; I enjoy my house and garden). Fark (and Farkers) makes my day a lot lighter, especially the photoedit competitions. Keep 'em coming!

My own holidays are still going strong - our chinese Buddhist New Year is Jan 22 - but I know that yours are about to end. So I think this is a good time to wish you all a year of peace and health, good friends, and many ROFL fark-links.

"Namo Amidabha" (May Buddha bless you and keep you safe and well),

Miz Merricat
2004-01-03 05:57:25 AM  
God bless you, Miz Merricat. I wish you happiness and joy for 2004.

And enjoy the spectacle of our election cycle knowing, at the end, nobody can blame you for the ridiculous outcome. So, you have that going for you.
2004-01-03 05:57:30 AM  
Thanks Merricat. Happy New year on the 22nd.

Well, i wonder if this guy passed junior high chemistry?
2004-01-03 06:00:39 AM  
Maybe it was his New Year's resolution to give himself second and third degree burns on the face and upper torso.
2004-01-03 06:11:53 AM  
See... Cartoons aren't actually supposed to be funny. They're actually safety films for youngsters. I guess this guy got too old to remember his cartoons or was deprived of a good safety eductation as a kid.
2004-01-03 06:12:00 AM  
Thank you for your thoughtful words, Miz Merricat. Bless you.

Maybe the dude was trying to dig to China and his dog wasn't fast enough.

/no dog you say? no gopher, either.
2004-01-03 06:15:26 AM  
Updated 2004 model Fark cliche, the dynamite gopher?
2004-01-03 06:30:19 AM  
2004-01-03 06:34:20 AM  
Damnitt...I was going to use this article to pass on a message. ;) least I still have a story about a man that faced inward to a hole that was full of gunpowder than lit it.
2004-01-03 06:36:26 AM  
To paraphrase one of my all-time favorite Dilbert strips:
"Paul dug a hole in his front yard, filled it with gunpowder, leaned over the hole and ignited the gunpowder. Would anyone care to guess what happened to Paul?"
"Uh, he was struck by lightning?"
"OK, does anyone besides Paul want to guess?"
2004-01-03 06:41:11 AM  
bwahahahahahaha this is like a town over from where my grandmother lives. it's extra funny, see, because i haven't slept. i swear my postings here usually have something more profound in them (profound? fark? nah, couldn't be) but screw that. after being awake for two and a half days some assclown burning his face off next to my grandmother is amazing.
and on a different note, how much gunpowder did this guy set ablaze? just because when i was an idiot kid who thought blowing crap up was cool, i lit some large quantities of black powder on fire without being blown back or burned or anything.
i'll leave you all be now.
2004-01-03 07:10:38 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers! THE LITTLE BROWN, FURRY RODENTS!
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.
2004-01-03 07:19:46 AM  
This happened at 1:30AM. I wonder if alcohol might have been involved?
2004-01-03 07:34:17 AM  

Speaking as a life-long pyromaniac, I can say from experience that this guy is an IDIOT.

Fire and explosions ARE lots of fun, but precautions need to be taken to ensure that no one gets hurt. Like NOT PUTTING YOUR FACE RIGHT NEXT TO A PILE OF GUNPOWDER WHEN YOU LIGHT IT!

2004-01-03 08:01:01 AM  
Let me tell you people, the days of clubbing them over the head with a bat are over!

For you perhaps!
2004-01-03 08:17:36 AM  
"Hey y'all, watch this."

2004-01-03 08:29:23 AM  
Woot, Merricat!

Preach it, sista.
2004-01-03 08:37:27 AM  
Chipmonks roasting on an open sause dripping from their toes...Because Everyon knows....

Ah! never mind

/To much
2004-01-03 08:51:09 AM  
"Police said Paul Ciesla dug a pit in front of his Continental Avenue home at about 1:30 a.m. and filled it with gunpowder. He then leaned over the pit and proceeded to light the substance with a lighter. It blew up in his face, knocking him back on the ground and setting him on fire."


Fox Sports Net presents "You Gotta See This!", starring Paul Ciesla.
2004-01-03 08:53:06 AM  
A Cinderella story???
2004-01-03 09:04:05 AM  
merricat rules.

gunpowder filled holes rule, too.

fark rules.

everybody rules.
2004-01-03 09:39:23 AM  
If this guy would have spent more time watching Loony Tunes cartoons, this wouldn't have happened. Everybody knows you're supposed to leave a thin gunpowder trail as a fuse. And if he'd spent more time watching Roadrunner cartoons, he'd have known that standing over the pit was a bad idea.
2004-01-03 10:00:02 AM  
"Merricat," said Constance,
"Would you like a cup of tea?"

A thousand blessings for New Years of All Kinds.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, baby.

2004-01-03 10:03:59 AM  
Be vawwy, vawwy quiet...


Happy New Year to you, Merricat and all you other Farkers, too ( but mostly to Merricat ). :)
2004-01-03 10:05:35 AM  
Wile E Coyote points and laughs. Watched a friend do the same thing with a smaller amount of powder. The flash blinded us all for a minute or two and scorched the kid's eyebrows. The funniest was his face covered in soot.
2004-01-03 10:11:11 AM  
Mad Love to Merricat and all the best wishes for the New Year.

Peace be onto you.

As far as pouring gunpowder in a hole and leaning over it to ignite it [gee, I wonder in which direction the blast is going to go] : cut off his balls and euthanise his children because, by Darwin, this guy should not breed.
2004-01-03 10:22:18 AM  
Paul Ciesla dug a pit [...] and filled it with gunpowder. He then leaned over the pit and proceeded to light the substance with a lighter.

After reading this a couple of times, I think I can see a slight flaw in his plan. Someone ought to tell him to look out.
2004-01-03 11:04:41 AM  
Let me take a wild stab at guessing this is the same sort of person that watches Disney cartoons and then goes out in the wild to 'talk' to the nice furry creatures that only want to be our friends. And then gets clawed/bitten/eaten because he farking believed that crap. The same kind of idiot that votes for judges who let the poor misunderstood burglers/rapist/murders go free because he farking believed that liberal line of crap, and then just can't understand why little Suzie was raped and killed by some asshat criminal when he broke into her house, after having been convicted only 500 times of doing the exact same thing. The same kind of person that all those 'Do NOT use this horribly strong corrosive and toxic acid to wash your eyes out with!' warning labels are written for. The same kind of person that votes democratic because higer taxes and the thought of 'BIG Government' running every single moment of your life just thrills the life out of them....ah well....there is an asshat born every minute as the old saying goes. Happy new year all.
2004-01-03 11:17:44 AM  
The guy lives in a town named after the large intestine. Give him a break...
2004-01-03 11:33:28 AM  
I always thought the phrase 'damn it' was written as 'dammit'. At least, in all the books I've read. I can't recall seeing it written 'damnit' ever.

Damn nit, it's just *NOT* spelled that way!
2004-01-03 11:55:22 AM  
Now a spokesperson for Super Gopher Killer Brand TM.

"Looky what happerned to me when I did not use Sooper Gofer Killer Breand! Now all I uses is Super Gofer Killer Breand"
2004-01-03 12:03:27 PM  
Without giving too much away, this guy's listed in the phone book. There's more than enough information in the article to track him down. He lives four blocks from a golf course to the south and from a cemetary to the north.

More importantly, he owns "Paul Ciesla: Boulder Landscaping." Though what he's doing landscaping his yard and his torso at 1:30 am is beyond me, unless alcohol was involved.
2004-01-03 12:05:41 PM  
Kjohns2001: Dude - he was drunk. It doesn't say so in the article. But I guarantee it.
2004-01-03 12:05:45 PM  
sure that didnt happen in florida?
2004-01-03 12:22:21 PM  
SouthernFriedYankee it's more properly, "Hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"

Merricat here's hoping you have a good 2004.
2004-01-03 12:37:52 PM  
I didn't think you could buy gunpowder north of the Mason-Dixon line.
2004-01-03 12:42:58 PM  
Boo! Down with Merricat!

jk, have a happy 2004, or whatever year it is in your nice, friendly, make-me-wanna-cry-on-my-day-off brand of Chinese Budhism.
2004-01-03 12:44:00 PM  

There's some crazy javascript code in that page which checks to see if a variable is loaded and if not, it initiates a browser reload. This can cause an infinite loop with some browsers/proxies.
2004-01-03 01:04:00 PM  
Future Darwin Award candidate.
2004-01-03 01:43:45 PM  
This article reminds me of the time that my father decided to get really stinking drunk with his room mate/buddy, now they built a fire pit in the backyard out stones and mortar, it stood about 2- 3 1/2 feet high depending on the side and about 2 1/2 feet in diameter. So one night they get drunk and somehow my father decides it's an absolutely brilliant idea to jump over an open fire pit.

Hilarity and burnination ensue. Fell in on his back wearing a polyester shirt, which I am told just melted on to his back.

He would up in hospital with third degree burns from his neck to half way down his thighs. And the kicker, this wasn't a school boy thing, he did this when he 46 years old. That's about 3 1/2 years ago now. Good times, especially seeing him in the burn unit at the hospital, on morphine. Good times.


ps. Ku_No_Ichi has a spiffy [image from too old to be available] tag of her own, but it's not in circulation yet.

pps-> I'll second(or third or whatever) Merricat, and that say that Fark rocks and another Happy New Year in a few weeks.
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