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(NJ.com)   Sure, a fifth-grader born without arms can now play the trombone, but is she prepared for the harsh reality of a lifetime of trombone jokes?   (nj.com) divider line 37
    More: Interesting, South Jersey, tropical island  
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3009 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 May 2013 at 9:50 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-28 09:16:29 AM
Please be patient. She's a little rusty.
 
2013-05-28 09:52:02 AM
FTFA:
"...born without limbatations"
 
2013-05-28 09:53:38 AM
I played trombone through college jazz band.  "She doesn't have limitations" to play in fifth grade band.  I have a very hard time believing she can keep up when they move beyond whole notes and a few quarters which is all the trombone parts have that early.
 
2013-05-28 09:55:04 AM
 
2013-05-28 09:56:21 AM
I betcha she gives one hell of a foot job
 
2013-05-28 09:59:41 AM

IdBeCrazyIf: I betcha she gives one hell of a foot job


cosmeticsurgeryblog.the-cosmetic-surgery-directory.com
"10 year-old, dude"
 
2013-05-28 10:00:18 AM

Carn: I played trombone through college jazz band.  "She doesn't have limitations" to play in fifth grade band.  I have a very hard time believing she can keep up when they move beyond whole notes and a few quarters which is all the trombone parts have that early.


A huge percentage of school band members drop out each year, with a huge bunch that don't make the cut for college jazz band, either for lack of interest or skill.  The point here is she is doing something musical despite her physical limitations, while a bunch of her able-bodied classmates sit around on their asses playing video games.
 
2013-05-28 10:00:22 AM
I used to complain that I ha no shoes.......
 
2013-05-28 10:01:08 AM

padraig: IdBeCrazyIf: I betcha she gives one hell of a foot job

[cosmeticsurgeryblog.the-cosmetic-surgery-directory.com image 299x169]
"10 year-old, dude"


I'll wait
 
2013-05-28 10:02:22 AM
From what I know of the trombone, once you get past the basic student models, intermediate and professional trombones usually have at least one finger-operated trigger.  Not sure how she'd work those.
 
2013-05-28 10:02:53 AM

czei: Carn: I played trombone through college jazz band.  "She doesn't have limitations" to play in fifth grade band.  I have a very hard time believing she can keep up when they move beyond whole notes and a few quarters which is all the trombone parts have that early.

A huge percentage of school band members drop out each year, with a huge bunch that don't make the cut for college jazz band, either for lack of interest or skill.  The point here is she is doing something musical despite her physical limitations, while a bunch of her able-bodied classmates sit around on their asses playing video games.


I get it, and what she's doing is cool, I just feel like everyone involved is being just a tad unrealistic when it comes to this girl's potential.  I could be wrong, she could be the next JJ Johnson, Dick Shearer, Kai Winding, etc.
 
2013-05-28 10:04:25 AM
Wait, someone gave birth to a fifth-grader? Thank god it didn't have arms or it wouldn't have come out so easily.
 
2013-05-28 10:06:01 AM
Q: What's the difference between a dead squirrel in the road and a dead trombonist in the road?

A: The squirrel might have been on its way to a gig.
 
2013-05-28 10:07:34 AM

Persnickety: From what I know of the trombone, once you get past the basic student models, intermediate and professional trombones usually have at least one finger-operated trigger.  Not sure how she'd work those.


Optional really.  The trigger just allows you to play notes that normally require sixth position near the end of the slide.  There might be a few times where you have to fake a note here or there but no big deal if you're really quick.  It also depends which chair she sits in a jazz or other band.  If she's first or second chair, she's not going to be playing on that end of the slide that much.  If 3rd or 4th (especially) she may need it.
 
2013-05-28 10:08:10 AM
I say she's got a lot of brass.
 
2013-05-28 10:09:14 AM
The fifth-grader from Carneys Point has already mastered the skill of playing a trombone

Umm, no. Play an instrument for a few decades with instruction from a master and you might just master it yourself.

These are masters:
i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-28 10:11:10 AM

czei: Carn: I played trombone through college jazz band.  "She doesn't have limitations" to play in fifth grade band.  I have a very hard time believing she can keep up when they move beyond whole notes and a few quarters which is all the trombone parts have that early.

A huge percentage of school band members drop out each year, with a huge bunch that don't make the cut for college jazz band, either for lack of interest or skill.  The point here is she is doing something musical despite her physical limitations, while a bunch of her able-bodied classmates sit around on their asses playing video games.


This. When I started in band in 5th grade there were 9 of us. By the time I got to high school, there were 4. By my sophomore year it was clear the three morons ahead of me were just there for the credits and I ended up first chair. It helped that I was awesome at it too. 15 years later I haven't touched the thing. I should really get back into it.
 
2013-05-28 10:13:17 AM

Zeno-25: The fifth-grader from Carneys Point has already mastered the skill of playing a trombone

Umm, no. Play an instrument for a few decades with instruction from a master and you might just master it yourself.

These are masters:
[i.imgur.com image 484x465]


I forget - which one is straight?
 
2013-05-28 10:18:50 AM
Maybe she could go on tour with this guy?

http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-dont-miss-my-arms,10997/
 
2013-05-28 10:21:39 AM

Carn: czei: Carn: I played trombone through college jazz band.  "She doesn't have limitations" to play in fifth grade band.  I have a very hard time believing she can keep up when they move beyond whole notes and a few quarters which is all the trombone parts have that early.

A huge percentage of school band members drop out each year, with a huge bunch that don't make the cut for college jazz band, either for lack of interest or skill.  The point here is she is doing something musical despite her physical limitations, while a bunch of her able-bodied classmates sit around on their asses playing video games.

I get it, and what she's doing is cool, I just feel like everyone involved is being just a tad unrealistic when it comes to this girl's potential.  I could be wrong, she could be the next JJ Johnson, Dick Shearer, Kai Winding, etc.


You're absolutely right.  Of course, you could say the thing about 99.999% of 5th grade trombone players :-)
 
2013-05-28 10:26:24 AM

czei: Carn: czei: Carn: I played trombone through college jazz band.  "She doesn't have limitations" to play in fifth grade band.  I have a very hard time believing she can keep up when they move beyond whole notes and a few quarters which is all the trombone parts have that early.

A huge percentage of school band members drop out each year, with a huge bunch that don't make the cut for college jazz band, either for lack of interest or skill.  The point here is she is doing something musical despite her physical limitations, while a bunch of her able-bodied classmates sit around on their asses playing video games.

I get it, and what she's doing is cool, I just feel like everyone involved is being just a tad unrealistic when it comes to this girl's potential.  I could be wrong, she could be the next JJ Johnson, Dick Shearer, Kai Winding, etc.

You're absolutely right.  Of course, you could say the thing about 99.999% of 5th grade trombone players :-)


Ha!  Great point.  Or any fifth grade band member for that matter.
 
2013-05-28 10:37:05 AM
If she can't empty the spit valve, won't it get rusty?
 
2013-05-28 10:50:51 AM

Carn: I played trombone through college jazz band.  "She doesn't have limitations" to play in fifth grade band.  I have a very hard time believing she can keep up when they move beyond whole notes and a few quarters which is all the trombone parts have that early.


^THIS

\played trombone up till high school
 
2013-05-28 10:56:31 AM
content7.flixster.com

It's not her. Unless she can pick her feet in Poughkeepsie ...
 
2013-05-28 11:13:35 AM

Crewmannumber6: I used to complain that I ha no shoes.......


Until I met a man who couldn't spell "had".
 
2013-05-28 11:14:47 AM

padraig: IdBeCrazyIf: I betcha she gives one hell of a foot job


"10 year-old, dude"


10 years old and already knows 7 positions.
 
2013-05-28 11:19:31 AM
$10 says she let's it slide.
 
2013-05-28 11:58:41 AM
Q: What is the definition of a gentleman?
A: One who can play the Trombone, but chooses not to.
 
2013-05-28 12:00:51 PM
i3.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-05-28 12:33:05 PM

Persnickety: From what I know of the trombone, once you get past the basic student models, intermediate and professional trombones usually have at least one finger-operated trigger.  Not sure how she'd work those.


With the exception of the lowest notes, those make it easier to transition between notes where you otherwise might have to move the slide further.  However, almost all notes can still be played without using the triggers.  Let's hope she doesn't want to play the bass trombone.

I too, played trombone thru college jazz band.  I still jam with my neighbor who is a drummer too.


Mr. Shabooboo: If she can't empty the spit valve, won't it get rusty?


Brass doesn't rust   :D
 
2013-05-28 12:47:32 PM
She is only missing her hands, not her arms, failmitter.
 
2013-05-28 01:03:21 PM

jayphat: czei: Carn: I played trombone through college jazz band.  "She doesn't have limitations" to play in fifth grade band.  I have a very hard time believing she can keep up when they move beyond whole notes and a few quarters which is all the trombone parts have that early.


I know, eh?  I was bored out of my mind until about Grade 9.  On the plus side, having such a simple part makes us look more talented because we screw up less often.  Band teacher spent most of the class working with the flutes and clarinets.

A huge percentage of school band members drop out each year, with a huge bunch that don't make the cut for college jazz band, either for lack of interest or skill.  The point here is she is doing something musical despite her physical limitations, while a bunch of her able-bodied classmates sit around on their asses playing video games.

This. When I started in band in 5th grade there were 9 of us. By the time I got to high school, there were 4. By my sophomore year it was clear the three morons ahead of me were just there for the credits and I ended up first chair. It helped that I was awesome at it too. 15 years later I haven't touched the thing. I should really get back into it.


It's like riding a bike.  The muscle memory is still there.  Last year I picked the horn up again after a break of 9 years.  My upper register was gone, but I could still remember how the thing worked and what all the squiggly black marks on the page meant.

Q: How can you tell there's a drummer at your front door?
A: The knock speeds up.
Q: How do you get rid of him?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

/spreading the abuse around a little.
 
2013-05-28 01:41:41 PM

MattyBlast: She is only missing her hands, not her arms, failmitter.


In that case, she's more that qualified to play the trombone.  It's all in the wrists.  I've actually made jokes about losing my hands and not having to give up the horn.
 
2013-05-28 01:43:16 PM

Bondith: jayphat: czei: Carn: I played trombone through college jazz band.  "She doesn't have limitations" to play in fifth grade band.  I have a very hard time believing she can keep up when they move beyond whole notes and a few quarters which is all the trombone parts have that early.

I know, eh?  I was bored out of my mind until about Grade 9.  On the plus side, having such a simple part makes us look more talented because we screw up less often.  Band teacher spent most of the class working with the flutes and clarinets.

A huge percentage of school band members drop out each year, with a huge bunch that don't make the cut for college jazz band, either for lack of interest or skill.  The point here is she is doing something musical despite her physical limitations, while a bunch of her able-bodied classmates sit around on their asses playing video games.

This. When I started in band in 5th grade there were 9 of us. By the time I got to high school, there were 4. By my sophomore year it was clear the three morons ahead of me were just there for the credits and I ended up first chair. It helped that I was awesome at it too. 15 years later I haven't touched the thing. I should really get back into it.

It's like riding a bike.  The muscle memory is still there.  Last year I picked the horn up again after a break of 9 years.  My upper register was gone, but I could still remember how the thing worked and what all the squiggly black marks on the page meant.

Q: How can you tell there's a drummer at your front door?
A: The knock speeds up.
Q: How do you get rid of him?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

/spreading the abuse around a little.


Q: How do you get a guitar player to turn down?
A: Put sheet music in front of him.
 
2013-05-28 02:44:44 PM
ertai_lapis:
Q: How can you tell there's a drummer at your front door?
A: The knock speeds up.
Q: How do you get rid of him?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

/spreading the abuse around a little.

Q: How do you get a guitar player to turn down?
A: Put sheet music in front of him.


Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
 
2013-05-28 10:45:35 PM
Best use of a trombone ever:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GtTdvbs1wQ
 
2013-05-29 06:46:56 AM
For the serious foot trombone player - The Mnozil Brass.

(skip to 3:00 if you are in a hurry)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrFB2NPrGoI
 
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