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(KGW Portland)   There are many ways to try and get a baby to stop crying, some more controversial than others. Like putting the baby in a freezer for an hour   (kgw.com) divider line 156
    More: Asinine  
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11577 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 May 2013 at 12:05 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



156 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-05-28 12:16:42 AM  
Fark this guy. Douchebag.
 
2013-05-28 12:17:15 AM  
Nobody puts baby in the cooler.
 
2013-05-28 12:17:16 AM  
I guess he liked his baby like he liked his coffee stored.
 
2013-05-28 12:19:59 AM  
That's cold, baby.
 
2013-05-28 12:20:49 AM  
Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.
 
2013-05-28 12:21:08 AM  
Ice ice baby
 
2013-05-28 12:21:14 AM  
Did it work?
 
2013-05-28 12:21:19 AM  

AppleOptionEsc: I guess he liked his baby like he liked his coffee stored.


that's horrible. everyone knows freezing ruins the beans
 
2013-05-28 12:21:51 AM  
I usually just shake em until they stop crying.
 
2013-05-28 12:22:22 AM  

"The man told detectives he put the infant in there to stop her from crying.

Doctors expect the baby to recover thaw."


For faster times, use a pot of warm water to help the thawing process.

 
2013-05-28 12:22:59 AM  
 
2013-05-28 12:23:14 AM  
Doctors expect the baby to recover.

Sounds like we have a future superhero on our hands.  Or supervillain.
 
2013-05-28 12:23:44 AM  

AppleOptionEsc: I guess he liked his baby like he liked his coffee stored.


In the lower colon of a civet?
 
2013-05-28 12:24:17 AM  

Cried too much:


thedroidyourelookingfor.files.wordpress.com

 
2013-05-28 12:24:23 AM  
Before we judge this guy too harshly, consider the fact that he may have made a Mr Freeze type pun while he did the deed.
 
2013-05-28 12:25:47 AM  
no duct tape handy?
 
2013-05-28 12:26:18 AM  
Yes, I think they should put this guy in a freezer for awhile.
 
2013-05-28 12:28:24 AM  

you are a puppet: Before we judge this guy too harshly, consider the fact that he may have made a Mr Freeze type pun while he did the deed.


Laughter followed by guilty feeling, #4,685.

Thank you, Fark.
 
2013-05-28 12:28:28 AM  
Next you people will be complaining if he used the microwave to warm it up afterwards.
 
2013-05-28 12:28:44 AM  

ReverendJynxed: Did it work?


i.imgur.com
Absolutely.
 
2013-05-28 12:30:08 AM  
 
2013-05-28 12:30:26 AM  
Fallout Boy: I usually just shake em until they stop crying.

Go to sleep, Matty!
 
2013-05-28 12:31:06 AM  
They bring it upon themselves for crying like that. I swear, I think humans have the noisiest babies. I have no idea how natural selection didn't breed that out of us..... you'd think the pissing and moaning they do would bring every predator within a five mile radius to mommy and daddy's campsite.
 
2013-05-28 12:31:18 AM  
This is what happens when you legalize weed.
 
2013-05-28 12:31:56 AM  
the freezer is over the top.  At least the refrigerator has that light inside.
 
2013-05-28 12:32:53 AM  
Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

i4.ytimg.com

/obscure?
 
2013-05-28 12:33:59 AM  
He probably heard this old, but funny joke and took it to heart.  (DRTFA, made me mad just reading the headline.. trying for humor...)

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
 
2013-05-28 12:34:16 AM  
In this guy's defense, we don't actually know whether or not his baby is a lizard-human hybrid; if the child is, then this is a very effective way of making the baby more docile and easier to handle. Let's reserve judgement until we gather all of the facts.
 
2013-05-28 12:34:55 AM  

TheShavingofOccam123: Mentalpatient87: Nobody puts baby in the cooler.

[bbb-news.com image 341x216]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inEVJsH9B54


Poor parakeet, they're social animals and this one sounds like he's crackers.
 
2013-05-28 12:35:03 AM  
Should definitely be charged wit attempted murder, amongst other things.
 
2013-05-28 12:36:05 AM  
I don't live too far from this town (Roy) and I am not surprised.  Roy is a very, VERY strange place...seriously, just a small trailer park and a bar.  Once I saw a horse tied up outside a trailer, just standing there, tied to a porch in the driveway.  Probably saddled up to go to the bar.
 
2013-05-28 12:36:39 AM  

gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

[i4.ytimg.com image 480x360]

/obscure?


That's about as obscure as this chicken.
 
2013-05-28 12:37:04 AM  

miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.


Can you imagine how much it would cost to police that? I'm sure it would be a good thing in the long run, but how do you pay for it, and what are the penalties for unlicensed rutting? The crazies, the poors, the dumb-dumbs, and the uneducated are so vastly more fecund than reasonable folks who plan out major life decisions. You'd need satellite-based gonad-frying beams and the ultimate surveillance state in order to make it work.
 
2013-05-28 12:37:10 AM  
freezer bad?

microwave good.

ipso fact-so n shiat.
 
2013-05-28 12:37:22 AM  

miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.


The problem is its the same with outcomes of procreation as it is with the stock market:

"(Lack of) prior performance is no guarantee of future success (or failure)."

I know some good people who had shiatty parents and some bad seeds that had great parents.
 
2013-05-28 12:37:39 AM  
It's a start.

I suggest smothering with a pillow.
 
2013-05-28 12:37:50 AM  

gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

[i4.ytimg.com image 480x360]

/obscure?


That show went off the air years before I was born and it's still not obscure.

/quiet that chicken/baby!
 
2013-05-28 12:37:51 AM  

gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

[i4.ytimg.com image 480x360]

/obscure?


Yes, very.
 
2013-05-28 12:38:54 AM  
does not include freezer training
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-28 12:39:08 AM  
An hour in the freezer stiffens meat and makes it easier to slice thinly for sammiches.   Momma got home just in time to make them.
 
2013-05-28 12:39:17 AM  
Crib:

cdn.fluidretail.net

Stroller:

c.shld.net
 
2013-05-28 12:43:41 AM  
There's nothing more annoying than spoiled children.

Keep children in the freezer, so they'll stay fresh!
 
2013-05-28 12:44:31 AM  

Bonanza Jellybean: miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.

Can you imagine how much it would cost to police that? I'm sure it would be a good thing in the long run, but how do you pay for it, and what are the penalties for unlicensed rutting? The crazies, the poors, the dumb-dumbs, and the uneducated are so vastly more fecund than reasonable folks who plan out major life decisions. You'd need satellite-based gonad-frying beams and the ultimate surveillance state in order to make it work.


Newsletter? You haz it? :)
 
2013-05-28 12:44:33 AM  

Tax Boy: There's nothing more annoying than spoiled children.

Keep children in the freezer, so they'll stay fresh!


My mom used to yell at me when I got fresh with her, so this sounds like a catch-22.
 
2013-05-28 12:44:49 AM  

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: Ice ice baby


Damn you!  I'm going to Hell now.
 
2013-05-28 12:45:47 AM  
I am very familiar with Roy, WA. This isn't out of scope for their behavior.

/rumor has it they still used to burn crosses there in the not-too-distant past.
 
2013-05-28 12:46:00 AM  
WTF is wrong with people?
 
2013-05-28 12:46:05 AM  

you are a puppet: Before we judge this guy too harshly, consider the fact that he may have made a Mr Freeze type pun while he did the deed.


HASTA LA FREEZER, BABY!
 
2013-05-28 12:47:53 AM  

Bonanza Jellybean: miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.

Can you imagine how much it would cost to police that? I'm sure it would be a good thing in the long run, but how do you pay for it, and what are the penalties for unlicensed rutting? The crazies, the poors, the dumb-dumbs, and the uneducated are so vastly more fecund than reasonable folks who plan out major life decisions. You'd need satellite-based gonad-frying beams and the ultimate surveillance state in order to make it work.


Oh I know it's virtually impossible to implement, but it's a nice pipe dream. Maybe make it so that in order to qualify for certain potential parental benefits from the government you have to attend a class that teaches the basics of child care. You know, stuff like "don't put your baby in the freezer" and "shaking furiously isn't an expression of love".

Satellite-based gonad-frying beams gave me the funniest mental image I've had in a while.
 
2013-05-28 12:48:23 AM  
What, there was no bourbon handy?


//In all seriousness, take the kid away now and save a visit later on.
 
2013-05-28 12:49:13 AM  

Fart_Machine: ThatGuyFromTheInternet: Ice ice baby

Damn you!  I'm going to Hell now.


This whole thread is an express elevator to Hell.
 
2013-05-28 12:51:13 AM  
It's ok, that baby really needed to chill out.
 
2013-05-28 12:51:33 AM  

Bonanza Jellybean: satellite-based gonad-frying beams


That's how they got Chiun.
 
2013-05-28 12:52:22 AM  
But the directions on my frozen baby clearly state that if I microwave it on defrost for 20 minutes it will be fine!
 
2013-05-28 12:52:45 AM  
Was the freezer plugged in?
 
2013-05-28 12:53:20 AM  
Sure, put the baby in the freezer, after you unplug it and take the door off.


Make sure the baby doesnt fall out.

The problem is solved.
 
2013-05-28 12:55:27 AM  

Arthur Jumbles: TheShavingofOccam123: Mentalpatient87: Nobody puts baby in the cooler.

[bbb-news.com image 341x216]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inEVJsH9B54

Poor parakeet, they're social animals and this one sounds like he's crackers.


I know. I watch that and can't decide if that's animal cruelty or just a very happy bird.
 
2013-05-28 12:57:33 AM  

Fallout Boy: I usually just shake em until they stop crying.


Dad?
 
2013-05-28 01:00:21 AM  
well it works for lobsters.
 
2013-05-28 01:02:04 AM  
Roy, WA. Where a trip to McKenna is a trip to the big city.
 
2013-05-28 01:02:11 AM  

italie: What, there was no bourbon handy?


//In all seriousness, take the kid away now and save a visit later on.


To be fair, the bourbon was in the freezer next to the baby. To get to it he'd need to fight his way past the guardian crying-baby-beast of yesterday-hour. It's easier to just stick with the keystone light in the fridge, merely guarded by the fridge light of destiny. Plus it won't wake the Mrs.

/DNRTA
 
2013-05-28 01:02:13 AM  

rooftopvoter: well it works for lobsters.


No... a boiling pot.
 
2013-05-28 01:02:28 AM  

Arthur Jumbles: They bring it upon themselves for crying like that. I swear, I think humans have the noisiest babies. I have no idea how natural selection didn't breed that out of us..... you'd think the pissing and moaning they do would bring every predator within a five mile radius to mommy and daddy's campsite.


I think the Amazonian natives have the best parenting method "Shut up or the jaguars will eat you."
 
2013-05-28 01:02:43 AM  

Bonanza Jellybean: miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.

Can you imagine how much it would cost to police that? I'm sure it would be a good thing in the long run, but how do you pay for it, and what are the penalties for unlicensed rutting? The crazies, the poors, the dumb-dumbs, and the uneducated are so vastly more fecund than reasonable folks who plan out major life decisions. You'd need satellite-based gonad-frying beams and the ultimate surveillance state in order to make it work.


A lot of ideas probably sounded unfeasible when they were first proposed.  The horseless carriage, the moving picture, the printing press were probably all terrifying and new to the people of the day when they were invented, and yet were instrumental in founding our civilization.  I, for one, suggest we take a good long hard look at this satellite-based gonad-frying beam idea.
 
2013-05-28 01:03:13 AM  

gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...



/obscure?


*Shakes angry fist*

Damn you! I thought that'd be too much of a stretch!
 
2013-05-28 01:03:21 AM  

gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

[i4.ytimg.com image 480x360]

/obscure?


I hated that episode.  Series finale, feh.
 
2013-05-28 01:05:54 AM  
"Nobody puts Baby in the freezer"
"Uhhh Hank? You see Fark today?"
"No, why?"
"Somebody done put Baby in the freezer Hank. It's been done."
 
2013-05-28 01:06:23 AM  
A bunch of guys should just get together and kick this guy's ass.
 
2013-05-28 01:07:03 AM  

whither_apophis: Arthur Jumbles: They bring it upon themselves for crying like that. I swear, I think humans have the noisiest babies. I have no idea how natural selection didn't breed that out of us..... you'd think the pissing and moaning they do would bring every predator within a five mile radius to mommy and daddy's campsite.

I think the Amazonian natives have the best parenting method "Shut up or the jaguars will eat you."


Kind of, yeah. All babies cry, not all human cultures react the same way.
 
2013-05-28 01:08:10 AM  
i told that kid to cool it
 
2013-05-28 01:10:19 AM  

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: A bunch of guys should just get together and kick this guy's ass.


im there

i really did mean my profile stuff to be sarcastic, when i made it, right now not so much
 
2013-05-28 01:11:42 AM  
Freezer burn baby.
 
2013-05-28 01:13:48 AM  
just happened to see a movie trailer

"for the next twelve hours all crime is legal"
The purge

Great Idea for this situation.
 
2013-05-28 01:13:59 AM  
Would like to point out how rampant libtards use this site and the correlation to the first 49 of 50 posts being shiatheaded soulless attempts at humor. I am guessing you people find levity in late term abortions. You "people" finally make sense to me now.
 
2013-05-28 01:14:50 AM  
The girlfriend called 9-1-1 after she saw him take the baby out of the freezer.. I'd like to give her some benefit of the doubt on why she didn't check on where it was earlier.. Maybe she just got home and he said it was asleep, or that's when he said oh I put it in here.

Wonder if he'll get makeup sex when he gets out.
 
2013-05-28 01:15:06 AM  

Tony_Pepperoni: WTF is wrong with people?


How is babby forzen?

Reminds me of this wonderful story where the father was pissed off that the 2-year old kid wouldn't go back to sleep, kicked her between the legs so hard that she passed out, panicked because she was bleeding, wrapped the bleeding kid in a blanket, and left her outside in a nearby park... where she woke up, wandered around in the snow, and froze to death.

One of my favorite stories I came across on this website. Absolutely delightful, in a horrifying terrible way.
 
2013-05-28 01:18:19 AM  

miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.


Really makes you think.  There are so many things we don't have laws for yet. We need more laws.
Eating
Thinking
Breathing

Oh nevermind,  I guess we DO have a lot of laws already.  I couldn't think of many more things that don't have laws associated with them.
 
2013-05-28 01:19:46 AM  
So "Plan B" worked?
 
2013-05-28 01:22:01 AM  

almandot: The girlfriend called 9-1-1 after she saw him take the baby out of the freezer.. I'd like to give her some benefit of the doubt on why she didn't check on where it was earlier.. Maybe she just got home and he said it was asleep, or that's when he said oh I put it in here.

Wonder if he'll get makeup sex when he gets out.


No doubt she'll take him back.

"He means well and he's been under a lot of pressure since the plant closed up four years ago and I cant afford the daycare, so he helps out that way too."
 
2013-05-28 01:22:06 AM  

Arthur Jumbles: They bring it upon themselves for crying like that. I swear, I think humans have the noisiest babies. I have no idea how natural selection didn't breed that out of us..... you'd think the pissing and moaning they do would bring every predator within a five mile radius to mommy and daddy's campsite.


Natual selection actually worked marvelously.  Virtually every animal on the planet has learned to avoid humans at all farking cost.  Get a group of humans in one spot, animals want no farking trouble there, most of em.  Baby alone is an easy meal.  Baby is an alarm that annoys mommy and all its cousins in the area, and they bring hot bright things and pointy sticks.

I hope somebody find this asshole and locks him in a freezer.  Or just drop his ass off in the tundra.
 
2013-05-28 01:27:10 AM  

orclover: Arthur Jumbles: They bring it upon themselves for crying like that. I swear, I think humans have the noisiest babies. I have no idea how natural selection didn't breed that out of us..... you'd think the pissing and moaning they do would bring every predator within a five mile radius to mommy and daddy's campsite.

Natual selection actually worked marvelously.  Virtually every animal on the planet has learned to avoid humans at all farking cost.  Get a group of humans in one spot, animals want no farking trouble there, most of em.  Baby alone is an easy meal.  Baby is an alarm that annoys mommy and all its cousins in the area, and they bring hot bright things and pointy sticks.

I hope somebody find this asshole and locks him in a freezer.  Or just drop his ass off in the tundra.


Have him spend the summer in Antarctica dressed for a summer in Hawaii.
 
2013-05-28 01:27:56 AM  

almandot: The girlfriend called 9-1-1 after she saw him take the baby out of the freezer.. I'd like to give her some benefit of the doubt on why she didn't check on where it was earlier.. Maybe she just got home and he said it was asleep, or that's when he said oh I put it in here.

Wonder if he'll get makeup sex when he gets out.


It?
 
2013-05-28 01:30:26 AM  
Teach the controversy! There are many ways to get a baby to stop crying all of which deserve consideration. Sure, I might not have the most remote of ideas about parenting but my opinion must be as good as any other.
 
2013-05-28 01:35:11 AM  
Was meth involved?
 
2013-05-28 01:35:32 AM  
This guy's read his mythology. He knows that if you leave the child outside to die of exposure some meddling shepherd, woodcutter, lady gathering reeds or even wolves or vultures will save the kid. That never ends well.
 
2013-05-28 01:37:31 AM  
Approves
i44.tinypic.com
 
2013-05-28 01:40:39 AM  

Mentalpatient87: Nobody puts baby in the cooler.


Dammit, the good joke! Taken!
 
2013-05-28 01:41:28 AM  
Did the baby...
(sunglasses)
Chill out?
 
2013-05-28 01:47:11 AM  

miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.


s.mcstatic.com

You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.
 
2013-05-28 01:47:52 AM  
After an hour wouldn't the child have suffocated? Not a lot of air in a freezer.
 
2013-05-28 01:48:10 AM  
tjfly: Would like to point out how rampant libtards use this site and the correlation to the first 49 of 50 posts being shiatheaded soulless attempts at humor. I am guessing you people find levity in late term abortions. You "people" finally make sense to me now.

You poor baby.
 
2013-05-28 01:51:31 AM  
You just know these rubes didn't let the baby thaw before putting it on the grill.
 
2013-05-28 01:58:20 AM  

Bonanza Jellybean: miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.

Can you imagine how much it would cost to police that? I'm sure it would be a good thing in the long run, but how do you pay for it, and what are the penalties for unlicensed rutting? The crazies, the poors, the dumb-dumbs, and the uneducated are so vastly more fecund than reasonable folks who plan out major life decisions. You'd need satellite-based gonad-frying beams and the ultimate surveillance state in order to make it work.


You dont police it, you incentivize education and training.

Come to a few parenting classes, and get a serious tax break for three years or something.
 
2013-05-28 02:02:30 AM  
i43.tinypic.com
 
2013-05-28 02:04:40 AM  
In some Scandanavian countries they put their children outside in Winter for the same time.

Maybe this guy just didn't read the full directions.
 
2013-05-28 02:06:30 AM  

tjfly: Would like to point out how rampant libtards use this site and the correlation to the first 49 of 50 posts being shiatheaded soulless attempts at humor. I am guessing you people find levity in late term abortions. You "people" finally make sense to me now.


Do you also go to the library and yell at the kids in the children's section because a lady in the gardening section was short with you once?

You know there is a Sports tab? Yeah? It's there. People who like sports go there and post stuff. You never see me post there though. You know why? It's because I'd have  nothing relevant to say so I don't say it there.

The people you're upset with here might not be the same people you choose to call 'libtards'. Big site. Lots of people posting here.
 
2013-05-28 02:07:48 AM  

almandot: The girlfriend called 9-1-1 after she saw him take the baby out of the freezer.. I'd like to give her some benefit of the doubt on why she didn't check on where it was earlier.. Maybe she just got home and he said it was asleep, or that's when he said oh I put it in here.


Story I read was that she got home just as he was taking the baby out of the freezer.
 
2013-05-28 02:14:00 AM  

miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.


This is going to change once temporary sterilization is reliable enough that 99.9% of people can start getting yearly injections or fewer without potential allergies or other complications.  As a former high-school instructor I'll be the first on line to lobby to make that shiat mandatory until you pass a test on basic child-care and obtain a reproductive license at age 21 or later.

Parents are farking moronic assholes.

//Requiring the courses and license to benefit from what are now automatic tax-breaks is something we should probably already be doing.

doglover: In some Scandanavian countries they put their children outside in Winter for the same time.

Maybe this guy just didn't read the full directions.


I suspect it was more the "air-tight" bit than the "cold" bit that was a potential problem.  Freezers usually have fairly low-power heat pumps that probably couldn't even keep up with a baby's heat production, short a little frostbite (which you'll get occasionally for playing in the snow, too, been there).  But you've got, what, maybe 20 liters of atmosphere in there once you count in the food and baby?  That'll kill ya.  Might as well just press a pillow over baby's face.
 
2013-05-28 02:18:17 AM  
Relax, people! You're all assuming the freezer was ON and COLD.

At any rate, it'll make a great explanation for this person's claustrophobia later in life.
 
2013-05-28 02:22:43 AM  

Your Average Witty Fark User: Fark this guy. Douchebag.


done in one. stories like this make me hate humans.
 
2013-05-28 02:35:57 AM  
images.wikia.com
Approves
 
2013-05-28 02:39:18 AM  

Mentalpatient87: Nobody puts baby in the cooler.


woah woah woah man.... woah!   This guy did...  This guy in the article... He put a baby in the cooler...
 
2013-05-28 02:41:07 AM  
Kid will grow up to invent a human sized microwave.
 
2013-05-28 03:00:22 AM  
But it's good enough for Eskimos!
 
2013-05-28 03:14:18 AM  
Do you know how many baby Jews would have killed for the opportunity to be put in the freezer for an hour to cool down?  Get over it, people are so spoiled these days.
 
2013-05-28 03:14:52 AM  

kazikian: Did the baby...
(sunglasses)
Chill out?


YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
 
2013-05-28 03:19:04 AM  
If you do that when they're born they learn to never cry.
 
2013-05-28 03:22:05 AM  

gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

[i4.ytimg.com image 480x360]

/obscure?


Leonard Nimoy was awesome in that.
 
2013-05-28 03:23:41 AM  

MrHappyRotter: Do you know how many baby Jews would have killed for the opportunity to be put in the freezer for an hour to cool down?  Get over it, people are so spoiled these days.


How many?

/Don't leave me hangin'.
 
2013-05-28 03:23:54 AM  
What a chilling story.
 
2013-05-28 04:20:52 AM  
www.outrageousfortune.co.nz

What a child who's been traumatized in a freezer may look like

/he's special
//obscure?
 
2013-05-28 04:37:05 AM  

ArcadianRefugee: Crib:

[cdn.fluidretail.net image 443x366]

Stroller:

[c.shld.net image 315x315]


Don't forget the car seat.

www.dhresource.com
 
2013-05-28 05:11:37 AM  

tjfly: Would like to point out how rampant libtards use this site and the correlation to the first 49 of 50 posts being shiatheaded soulless attempts at humor. I am guessing you people find levity in late term abortions. You "people" finally make sense to me now.


images.sodahead.com
 
2013-05-28 05:37:00 AM  

HotWingAgenda: Doctors expect the baby to recover.

Sounds like we have a future superhero on our hands.  Or supervillain.


Not really. Depending in body weight, you can put a 1-2 year old baby in a freezer for up to 3 goes without inflicting life-altering injury.
 
2013-05-28 05:51:45 AM  

Bonanza Jellybean: miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.

Can you imagine how much it would cost to police that? I'm sure it would be a good thing in the long run, but how do you pay for it, and what are the penalties for unlicensed rutting? The crazies, the poors, the dumb-dumbs, and the uneducated are so vastly more fecund than reasonable folks who plan out major life decisions. You'd need satellite-based gonad-frying beams and the ultimate surveillance state in order to make it work.


The so-called "justice" system would be overjoyed with the opportunity to have yet another reason to build more prisons and stuff them to overcrowding.with more citizens.
 
2013-05-28 06:14:57 AM  

Bonanza Jellybean: miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.

Can you imagine how much it would cost to police that? I'm sure it would be a good thing in the long run, but how do you pay for it, and what are the penalties for unlicensed rutting? The crazies, the poors, the dumb-dumbs, and the uneducated are so vastly more fecund than reasonable folks who plan out major life decisions. You'd need satellite-based gonad-frying beams and the ultimate surveillance state in order to make it work.


Just make it a mandatory vasectomy/sterilization for the parents. Do you have a license for that baby? No? Snip/snip.

Also exchange set up an iPhones for vasectomies exchange plan. It worked in India, there's no reason why it wouldn't work in ghetto/trailer park USA.
 
2013-05-28 06:36:38 AM  
Well, how else are you supposed to get the string behind it's front legs? It comes right back to life when you leave it in the sun.
 
2013-05-28 06:46:23 AM  

ArcadianRefugee: Crib:

[cdn.fluidretail.net image 443x366]

Stroller:

[c.shld.net image 315x315]


Dude, that's cold.
 
2013-05-28 06:50:48 AM  

tjfly: Would like to point out how rampant libtards use this site and the correlation to the first 49 of 50 posts being shiatheaded soulless attempts at humor. I am guessing you people find levity in late term abortions. You "people" finally make sense to me now.


Hey, did you hear the one about the two aborted viable fetuses who went into a bar?
 
mhd
2013-05-28 06:57:37 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-28 06:57:48 AM  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AF_nfazQaek">http://www.youtube.com/wa tch?v=AF_nfazQaek
 
2013-05-28 06:58:24 AM  
How are url posted?
 
2013-05-28 06:59:03 AM  

gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

[i4.ytimg.com image 480x360]

/obscure?


125 million people watched that episode. So, no.
 
2013-05-28 07:25:22 AM  

tjfly: Would like to point out how rampant libtards use this site and the correlation to the first 49 of 50 posts being shiatheaded soulless attempts at humor. I am guessing you people find levity in late term abortions. You "people" finally make sense to me now.


Account created: 2005-02-23 15:53:21

Little slow on the uptake there...
 
2013-05-28 07:42:18 AM  

Arthur Jumbles: They bring it upon themselves for crying like that. I swear, I think humans have the noisiest babies. I have no idea how natural selection didn't breed that out of us..... you'd think the pissing and moaning they do would bring every predator within a five mile radius to mommy and daddy's campsite.


They aren't as loud as you think they are. We have evolved hearing that is particularly attuned to the sound of a baby crying. When I had voice lessons I was taught a vocal trick using a mechanism similar to that babies use when they cry to make my voice sound half again as loud without actually raising the volume of my voice at all.

The down side is that as you would expect it is quite annoying to hear.
 
2013-05-28 07:47:25 AM  
If the kid ends up freezing, you just put him in the microwave, right?
 
2013-05-28 08:02:14 AM  

CleverID: I don't live too far from this town (Roy) and I am not surprised.  Roy is a very, VERY strange place...seriously, just a small trailer park and a bar.  Once I saw a horse tied up outside a trailer, just standing there, tied to a porch in the driveway.  Probably saddled up to go to the bar.


I bet he lost his license for DUI. Interestingly, I learned recently that it is illegal in Kentucky to ride a horse drunk.
 
2013-05-28 08:03:02 AM  
What would you do-oO-ooo for a Klontyke bar?
 
2013-05-28 08:08:08 AM  

legion_of_doo: Tony_Pepperoni: WTF is wrong with people?

How is babby forzen?

Reminds me of this wonderful story where the father was pissed off that the 2-year old kid wouldn't go back to sleep, kicked her between the legs so hard that she passed out, panicked because she was bleeding, wrapped the bleeding kid in a blanket, and left her outside in a nearby park... where she woke up, wandered around in the snow, and froze to death.

One of my favorite stories I came across on this website. Absolutely delightful, in a horrifying terrible way.


What .. the ... fark?
 
2013-05-28 08:14:03 AM  

Bonanza Jellybean: The crazies, the poors, the dumb-dumbs, and the uneducated are so vastly more fecund than reasonable folks who plan out major life decisions.


Make all the seats in hospital emergency room waiting areas radioactive. That would eventually take care of the vast majority of the problem!
=Smidge=
 
2013-05-28 08:22:32 AM  

fusillade762: After an hour wouldn't the child have suffocated? Not a lot of air in a freezer.


heart rate and breathing slows, body protects internal organs, so maybe not
 
2013-05-28 08:30:35 AM  
images2.wikia.nocookie.net

You're Not Sending ME to the Cooler!!!
 
2013-05-28 08:35:02 AM  
My mom accidentally locked her kitten in the freezer for like 20 minutes until she could figure out where the crying was coming from.  Kitten was fine.  My mom is an idiot.
 
2013-05-28 08:38:29 AM  
Dad is a zero. Certain to get a frosty reception in prison.


/got nuthin'
 
2013-05-28 08:40:27 AM  

gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...



/obscure?


Still choking that chicken, eh?
 
2013-05-28 09:06:52 AM  

Bonanza Jellybean: You'd need satellite-based gonad-frying beams and the ultimate surveillance state in order to make it work.


I see a good KickStarter project right there.
 
2013-05-28 09:22:55 AM  

gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

[i4.ytimg.com image 480x360]

/obscure?



One of the most watched events in television history is supposed to be obscure?
 
2013-05-28 09:30:48 AM  

Your Average Witty Fark User: Fark this guy you all. Douchebags.


FTFM
 
2013-05-28 09:31:19 AM  

Gordon Bennett: Arthur Jumbles: They bring it upon themselves for crying like that. I swear, I think humans have the noisiest babies. I have no idea how natural selection didn't breed that out of us..... you'd think the pissing and moaning they do would bring every predator within a five mile radius to mommy and daddy's campsite.

They aren't as loud as you think they are. We have evolved hearing that is particularly attuned to the sound of a baby crying. When I had voice lessons I was taught a vocal trick using a mechanism similar to that babies use when they cry to make my voice sound half again as loud without actually raising the volume of my voice at all.

The down side is that as you would expect it is quite annoying to hear.


If you have one simple trick to make your voice half again as loud please share it with us. If it also reduces blood pressure or cholesterol levels all the better.
 
2013-05-28 10:08:37 AM  

PunGent: tjfly: Would like to point out how rampant libtards use this site and the correlation to the first 49 of 50 posts being shiatheaded soulless attempts at humor. I am guessing you people find levity in late term abortions. You "people" finally make sense to me now.
Account created: 2005-02-23 15:53:21
Little slow on the uptake there...


His fingers just thawed out. He's 22 now, but he still cries and cries and cries.
 
2013-05-28 10:08:38 AM  
Is  babby named Ethel?
 
2013-05-28 11:35:31 AM  
So much liberal PC whining in this thread.  My parents used to lock me in a deep freeze for hours at a time and I turned out fine!
 
2013-05-28 12:44:44 PM  
My father locked me in a freezer once.

Once.
 
2013-05-28 02:29:14 PM  

gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

[i4.ytimg.com image 480x360]

/obscure?


The episode disturbed the fark out of me.
 
2013-05-28 02:31:12 PM  

WalMartian: gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

[i4.ytimg.com image 480x360]

/obscure?

The episode disturbed the fark out of me.


It did to a lot of people, as was its intent. IIRC it was in response to the criticism that the show had made war look too fun.
 
2013-05-28 02:34:12 PM  

namegoeshere: WalMartian: gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

[i4.ytimg.com image 480x360]

/obscure?

The episode disturbed the fark out of me.

It did to a lot of people, as was its intent. IIRC it was in response to the criticism that the show had made war look too fun.


It just seemed a shiatty way to end what was a very funny show.  I've never watched it again.
 
2013-05-28 03:30:55 PM  
Baby won't stop crying?
verbosity.wiw.org
Maybe you should cool it.
 
2013-05-28 03:30:59 PM  

WalMartian: namegoeshere: WalMartian: gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

[i4.ytimg.com image 480x360]

/obscure?

The episode disturbed the fark out of me.

It did to a lot of people, as was its intent. IIRC it was in response to the criticism that the show had made war look too fun.

It just seemed a shiatty way to end what was a very funny show.  I've never watched it again.


I don't usually watch final episodes. They tend to be buzz kills.

But yes, that one was especially bad.
 
2013-05-28 04:24:54 PM  

qualtrough: Gordon Bennett: Arthur Jumbles: They bring it upon themselves for crying like that. I swear, I think humans have the noisiest babies. I have no idea how natural selection didn't breed that out of us..... you'd think the pissing and moaning they do would bring every predator within a five mile radius to mommy and daddy's campsite.

They aren't as loud as you think they are. We have evolved hearing that is particularly attuned to the sound of a baby crying. When I had voice lessons I was taught a vocal trick using a mechanism similar to that babies use when they cry to make my voice sound half again as loud without actually raising the volume of my voice at all.

The down side is that as you would expect it is quite annoying to hear.

If you have one simple trick to make your voice half again as loud please share it with us. If it also reduces blood pressure or cholesterol levels all the better.


It's a bit difficult to describe in text. It's a very buzzy, nasal sound made by pushing your voice through the area around your nose. If you do it right you can feel he area vibrating, which is a bit uncomfortable.

If you make a very nasal, whiny EHHHHHHHH sound you'll probably be in the right direction.
 
2013-05-28 05:49:53 PM  

tjfly: You "people" finally make sense to me now.


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-28 06:08:16 PM  

Gordon Bennett: When I had voice lessons I was taught a vocal trick using a mechanism similar to that babies use when they cry to make my voice sound half again as loud without actually raising the volume of my voice at all.

The down side is that as you would expect it is quite annoying to hear.


Aha! Gordon Bennett == Alanis Morissette!
 
2013-05-28 06:11:19 PM  

Gordon Bennett: It's a bit difficult to describe in text. It's a very buzzy, nasal sound made by pushing your voice through the area around your nose. If you do it right you can feel he area vibrating, which is a bit uncomfortable.

If you make a very nasal, whiny EHHHHHHHH sound you'll probably be in the right direction.



apps.startribune.com
Gordon Bennett in concert!
 
vpc
2013-05-28 06:17:16 PM  

miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.


Easy-peasy. Mandatory reversable contraceptives that require medical intervention to remove (implants, IUDs) installed at puberty; turn the teenagers loose to sort out their own preferences and skills. Parenting class and license required for removal. Thank you, Beta Colony.
 
2013-05-28 07:20:58 PM  

Mambo Bananapatch: Gordon Bennett: When I had voice lessons I was taught a vocal trick using a mechanism similar to that babies use when they cry to make my voice sound half again as loud without actually raising the volume of my voice at all.

The down side is that as you would expect it is quite annoying to hear.

Aha! Gordon Bennett == Alanis Morissette!


I said I'd get them back for all that slime and water they dumped on me when I was on You Can't Do That On Television.

Muahahahahaha!
 
2013-05-28 09:13:36 PM  

alienated: Your Average Witty Fark User: Fark this guy. Douchebag.

done in one. stories like this make me hate humans.


I don't think there's any question that he did it. The punishment should fit the crime in this case.
 
2013-05-29 12:01:52 AM  
in other news, sales of gray tape plummet...
 
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