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(KGW Portland)   There are many ways to try and get a baby to stop crying, some more controversial than others. Like putting the baby in a freezer for an hour   (kgw.com) divider line 156
    More: Asinine  
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11563 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 May 2013 at 12:05 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-28 12:49:13 AM

Fart_Machine: ThatGuyFromTheInternet: Ice ice baby

Damn you!  I'm going to Hell now.


This whole thread is an express elevator to Hell.
 
2013-05-28 12:51:13 AM
It's ok, that baby really needed to chill out.
 
2013-05-28 12:51:33 AM

Bonanza Jellybean: satellite-based gonad-frying beams


That's how they got Chiun.
 
2013-05-28 12:52:22 AM
But the directions on my frozen baby clearly state that if I microwave it on defrost for 20 minutes it will be fine!
 
2013-05-28 12:52:45 AM
Was the freezer plugged in?
 
2013-05-28 12:53:20 AM
Sure, put the baby in the freezer, after you unplug it and take the door off.


Make sure the baby doesnt fall out.

The problem is solved.
 
2013-05-28 12:55:27 AM

Arthur Jumbles: TheShavingofOccam123: Mentalpatient87: Nobody puts baby in the cooler.

[bbb-news.com image 341x216]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inEVJsH9B54

Poor parakeet, they're social animals and this one sounds like he's crackers.


I know. I watch that and can't decide if that's animal cruelty or just a very happy bird.
 
2013-05-28 12:57:33 AM

Fallout Boy: I usually just shake em until they stop crying.


Dad?
 
2013-05-28 01:00:21 AM
well it works for lobsters.
 
2013-05-28 01:02:04 AM
Roy, WA. Where a trip to McKenna is a trip to the big city.
 
2013-05-28 01:02:11 AM

italie: What, there was no bourbon handy?


//In all seriousness, take the kid away now and save a visit later on.


To be fair, the bourbon was in the freezer next to the baby. To get to it he'd need to fight his way past the guardian crying-baby-beast of yesterday-hour. It's easier to just stick with the keystone light in the fridge, merely guarded by the fridge light of destiny. Plus it won't wake the Mrs.

/DNRTA
 
2013-05-28 01:02:13 AM

rooftopvoter: well it works for lobsters.


No... a boiling pot.
 
2013-05-28 01:02:28 AM

Arthur Jumbles: They bring it upon themselves for crying like that. I swear, I think humans have the noisiest babies. I have no idea how natural selection didn't breed that out of us..... you'd think the pissing and moaning they do would bring every predator within a five mile radius to mommy and daddy's campsite.


I think the Amazonian natives have the best parenting method "Shut up or the jaguars will eat you."
 
2013-05-28 01:02:43 AM

Bonanza Jellybean: miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.

Can you imagine how much it would cost to police that? I'm sure it would be a good thing in the long run, but how do you pay for it, and what are the penalties for unlicensed rutting? The crazies, the poors, the dumb-dumbs, and the uneducated are so vastly more fecund than reasonable folks who plan out major life decisions. You'd need satellite-based gonad-frying beams and the ultimate surveillance state in order to make it work.


A lot of ideas probably sounded unfeasible when they were first proposed.  The horseless carriage, the moving picture, the printing press were probably all terrifying and new to the people of the day when they were invented, and yet were instrumental in founding our civilization.  I, for one, suggest we take a good long hard look at this satellite-based gonad-frying beam idea.
 
2013-05-28 01:03:13 AM

gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...



/obscure?


*Shakes angry fist*

Damn you! I thought that'd be too much of a stretch!
 
2013-05-28 01:03:21 AM

gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

[i4.ytimg.com image 480x360]

/obscure?


I hated that episode.  Series finale, feh.
 
2013-05-28 01:05:54 AM
"Nobody puts Baby in the freezer"
"Uhhh Hank? You see Fark today?"
"No, why?"
"Somebody done put Baby in the freezer Hank. It's been done."
 
2013-05-28 01:06:23 AM
A bunch of guys should just get together and kick this guy's ass.
 
2013-05-28 01:07:03 AM

whither_apophis: Arthur Jumbles: They bring it upon themselves for crying like that. I swear, I think humans have the noisiest babies. I have no idea how natural selection didn't breed that out of us..... you'd think the pissing and moaning they do would bring every predator within a five mile radius to mommy and daddy's campsite.

I think the Amazonian natives have the best parenting method "Shut up or the jaguars will eat you."


Kind of, yeah. All babies cry, not all human cultures react the same way.
 
2013-05-28 01:08:10 AM
i told that kid to cool it
 
2013-05-28 01:10:19 AM

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: A bunch of guys should just get together and kick this guy's ass.


im there

i really did mean my profile stuff to be sarcastic, when i made it, right now not so much
 
2013-05-28 01:11:42 AM
Freezer burn baby.
 
2013-05-28 01:13:48 AM
just happened to see a movie trailer

"for the next twelve hours all crime is legal"
The purge

Great Idea for this situation.
 
2013-05-28 01:13:59 AM
Would like to point out how rampant libtards use this site and the correlation to the first 49 of 50 posts being shiatheaded soulless attempts at humor. I am guessing you people find levity in late term abortions. You "people" finally make sense to me now.
 
2013-05-28 01:14:50 AM
The girlfriend called 9-1-1 after she saw him take the baby out of the freezer.. I'd like to give her some benefit of the doubt on why she didn't check on where it was earlier.. Maybe she just got home and he said it was asleep, or that's when he said oh I put it in here.

Wonder if he'll get makeup sex when he gets out.
 
2013-05-28 01:15:06 AM

Tony_Pepperoni: WTF is wrong with people?


How is babby forzen?

Reminds me of this wonderful story where the father was pissed off that the 2-year old kid wouldn't go back to sleep, kicked her between the legs so hard that she passed out, panicked because she was bleeding, wrapped the bleeding kid in a blanket, and left her outside in a nearby park... where she woke up, wandered around in the snow, and froze to death.

One of my favorite stories I came across on this website. Absolutely delightful, in a horrifying terrible way.
 
2013-05-28 01:18:19 AM

miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.


Really makes you think.  There are so many things we don't have laws for yet. We need more laws.
Eating
Thinking
Breathing

Oh nevermind,  I guess we DO have a lot of laws already.  I couldn't think of many more things that don't have laws associated with them.
 
2013-05-28 01:19:46 AM
So "Plan B" worked?
 
2013-05-28 01:22:01 AM

almandot: The girlfriend called 9-1-1 after she saw him take the baby out of the freezer.. I'd like to give her some benefit of the doubt on why she didn't check on where it was earlier.. Maybe she just got home and he said it was asleep, or that's when he said oh I put it in here.

Wonder if he'll get makeup sex when he gets out.


No doubt she'll take him back.

"He means well and he's been under a lot of pressure since the plant closed up four years ago and I cant afford the daycare, so he helps out that way too."
 
2013-05-28 01:22:06 AM

Arthur Jumbles: They bring it upon themselves for crying like that. I swear, I think humans have the noisiest babies. I have no idea how natural selection didn't breed that out of us..... you'd think the pissing and moaning they do would bring every predator within a five mile radius to mommy and daddy's campsite.


Natual selection actually worked marvelously.  Virtually every animal on the planet has learned to avoid humans at all farking cost.  Get a group of humans in one spot, animals want no farking trouble there, most of em.  Baby alone is an easy meal.  Baby is an alarm that annoys mommy and all its cousins in the area, and they bring hot bright things and pointy sticks.

I hope somebody find this asshole and locks him in a freezer.  Or just drop his ass off in the tundra.
 
2013-05-28 01:27:10 AM

orclover: Arthur Jumbles: They bring it upon themselves for crying like that. I swear, I think humans have the noisiest babies. I have no idea how natural selection didn't breed that out of us..... you'd think the pissing and moaning they do would bring every predator within a five mile radius to mommy and daddy's campsite.

Natual selection actually worked marvelously.  Virtually every animal on the planet has learned to avoid humans at all farking cost.  Get a group of humans in one spot, animals want no farking trouble there, most of em.  Baby alone is an easy meal.  Baby is an alarm that annoys mommy and all its cousins in the area, and they bring hot bright things and pointy sticks.

I hope somebody find this asshole and locks him in a freezer.  Or just drop his ass off in the tundra.


Have him spend the summer in Antarctica dressed for a summer in Hawaii.
 
2013-05-28 01:27:56 AM

almandot: The girlfriend called 9-1-1 after she saw him take the baby out of the freezer.. I'd like to give her some benefit of the doubt on why she didn't check on where it was earlier.. Maybe she just got home and he said it was asleep, or that's when he said oh I put it in here.

Wonder if he'll get makeup sex when he gets out.


It?
 
2013-05-28 01:30:26 AM
Teach the controversy! There are many ways to get a baby to stop crying all of which deserve consideration. Sure, I might not have the most remote of ideas about parenting but my opinion must be as good as any other.
 
2013-05-28 01:35:11 AM
Was meth involved?
 
2013-05-28 01:35:32 AM
This guy's read his mythology. He knows that if you leave the child outside to die of exposure some meddling shepherd, woodcutter, lady gathering reeds or even wolves or vultures will save the kid. That never ends well.
 
2013-05-28 01:37:31 AM
Approves
i44.tinypic.com
 
2013-05-28 01:40:39 AM

Mentalpatient87: Nobody puts baby in the cooler.


Dammit, the good joke! Taken!
 
2013-05-28 01:41:28 AM
Did the baby...
(sunglasses)
Chill out?
 
2013-05-28 01:47:11 AM

miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.


s.mcstatic.com

You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.
 
2013-05-28 01:47:52 AM
After an hour wouldn't the child have suffocated? Not a lot of air in a freezer.
 
2013-05-28 01:48:10 AM
tjfly: Would like to point out how rampant libtards use this site and the correlation to the first 49 of 50 posts being shiatheaded soulless attempts at humor. I am guessing you people find levity in late term abortions. You "people" finally make sense to me now.

You poor baby.
 
2013-05-28 01:51:31 AM
You just know these rubes didn't let the baby thaw before putting it on the grill.
 
2013-05-28 01:58:20 AM

Bonanza Jellybean: miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.

Can you imagine how much it would cost to police that? I'm sure it would be a good thing in the long run, but how do you pay for it, and what are the penalties for unlicensed rutting? The crazies, the poors, the dumb-dumbs, and the uneducated are so vastly more fecund than reasonable folks who plan out major life decisions. You'd need satellite-based gonad-frying beams and the ultimate surveillance state in order to make it work.


You dont police it, you incentivize education and training.

Come to a few parenting classes, and get a serious tax break for three years or something.
 
2013-05-28 02:02:30 AM
i43.tinypic.com
 
2013-05-28 02:04:40 AM
In some Scandanavian countries they put their children outside in Winter for the same time.

Maybe this guy just didn't read the full directions.
 
2013-05-28 02:06:30 AM

tjfly: Would like to point out how rampant libtards use this site and the correlation to the first 49 of 50 posts being shiatheaded soulless attempts at humor. I am guessing you people find levity in late term abortions. You "people" finally make sense to me now.


Do you also go to the library and yell at the kids in the children's section because a lady in the gardening section was short with you once?

You know there is a Sports tab? Yeah? It's there. People who like sports go there and post stuff. You never see me post there though. You know why? It's because I'd have  nothing relevant to say so I don't say it there.

The people you're upset with here might not be the same people you choose to call 'libtards'. Big site. Lots of people posting here.
 
2013-05-28 02:07:48 AM

almandot: The girlfriend called 9-1-1 after she saw him take the baby out of the freezer.. I'd like to give her some benefit of the doubt on why she didn't check on where it was earlier.. Maybe she just got home and he said it was asleep, or that's when he said oh I put it in here.


Story I read was that she got home just as he was taking the baby out of the freezer.
 
2013-05-28 02:14:00 AM

miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.


This is going to change once temporary sterilization is reliable enough that 99.9% of people can start getting yearly injections or fewer without potential allergies or other complications.  As a former high-school instructor I'll be the first on line to lobby to make that shiat mandatory until you pass a test on basic child-care and obtain a reproductive license at age 21 or later.

Parents are farking moronic assholes.

//Requiring the courses and license to benefit from what are now automatic tax-breaks is something we should probably already be doing.

doglover: In some Scandanavian countries they put their children outside in Winter for the same time.

Maybe this guy just didn't read the full directions.


I suspect it was more the "air-tight" bit than the "cold" bit that was a potential problem.  Freezers usually have fairly low-power heat pumps that probably couldn't even keep up with a baby's heat production, short a little frostbite (which you'll get occasionally for playing in the snow, too, been there).  But you've got, what, maybe 20 liters of atmosphere in there once you count in the food and baby?  That'll kill ya.  Might as well just press a pillow over baby's face.
 
2013-05-28 02:18:17 AM
Relax, people! You're all assuming the freezer was ON and COLD.

At any rate, it'll make a great explanation for this person's claustrophobia later in life.
 
2013-05-28 02:22:43 AM

Your Average Witty Fark User: Fark this guy. Douchebag.


done in one. stories like this make me hate humans.
 
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