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(KGW Portland)   There are many ways to try and get a baby to stop crying, some more controversial than others. Like putting the baby in a freezer for an hour   (kgw.com) divider line 156
    More: Asinine  
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11562 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 May 2013 at 12:05 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-28 12:16:42 AM
Fark this guy. Douchebag.
 
2013-05-28 12:17:15 AM
Nobody puts baby in the cooler.
 
2013-05-28 12:17:16 AM
I guess he liked his baby like he liked his coffee stored.
 
2013-05-28 12:19:59 AM
That's cold, baby.
 
2013-05-28 12:20:49 AM
Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.
 
2013-05-28 12:21:08 AM
Ice ice baby
 
2013-05-28 12:21:14 AM
Did it work?
 
2013-05-28 12:21:19 AM

AppleOptionEsc: I guess he liked his baby like he liked his coffee stored.


that's horrible. everyone knows freezing ruins the beans
 
2013-05-28 12:21:51 AM
I usually just shake em until they stop crying.
 
2013-05-28 12:22:22 AM

"The man told detectives he put the infant in there to stop her from crying.

Doctors expect the baby to recover thaw."


For faster times, use a pot of warm water to help the thawing process.

 
2013-05-28 12:22:59 AM
 
2013-05-28 12:23:14 AM
Doctors expect the baby to recover.

Sounds like we have a future superhero on our hands.  Or supervillain.
 
2013-05-28 12:23:44 AM

AppleOptionEsc: I guess he liked his baby like he liked his coffee stored.


In the lower colon of a civet?
 
2013-05-28 12:24:17 AM

Cried too much:


thedroidyourelookingfor.files.wordpress.com

 
2013-05-28 12:24:23 AM
Before we judge this guy too harshly, consider the fact that he may have made a Mr Freeze type pun while he did the deed.
 
2013-05-28 12:25:47 AM
no duct tape handy?
 
2013-05-28 12:26:18 AM
Yes, I think they should put this guy in a freezer for awhile.
 
2013-05-28 12:28:24 AM

you are a puppet: Before we judge this guy too harshly, consider the fact that he may have made a Mr Freeze type pun while he did the deed.


Laughter followed by guilty feeling, #4,685.

Thank you, Fark.
 
2013-05-28 12:28:28 AM
Next you people will be complaining if he used the microwave to warm it up afterwards.
 
2013-05-28 12:28:44 AM

ReverendJynxed: Did it work?


i.imgur.com
Absolutely.
 
2013-05-28 12:30:08 AM
 
2013-05-28 12:30:26 AM
Fallout Boy: I usually just shake em until they stop crying.

Go to sleep, Matty!
 
2013-05-28 12:31:06 AM
They bring it upon themselves for crying like that. I swear, I think humans have the noisiest babies. I have no idea how natural selection didn't breed that out of us..... you'd think the pissing and moaning they do would bring every predator within a five mile radius to mommy and daddy's campsite.
 
2013-05-28 12:31:18 AM
This is what happens when you legalize weed.
 
2013-05-28 12:31:56 AM
the freezer is over the top.  At least the refrigerator has that light inside.
 
2013-05-28 12:32:53 AM
Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

i4.ytimg.com

/obscure?
 
2013-05-28 12:33:59 AM
He probably heard this old, but funny joke and took it to heart.  (DRTFA, made me mad just reading the headline.. trying for humor...)

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
 
2013-05-28 12:34:16 AM
In this guy's defense, we don't actually know whether or not his baby is a lizard-human hybrid; if the child is, then this is a very effective way of making the baby more docile and easier to handle. Let's reserve judgement until we gather all of the facts.
 
2013-05-28 12:34:55 AM

TheShavingofOccam123: Mentalpatient87: Nobody puts baby in the cooler.

[bbb-news.com image 341x216]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inEVJsH9B54


Poor parakeet, they're social animals and this one sounds like he's crackers.
 
2013-05-28 12:35:03 AM
Should definitely be charged wit attempted murder, amongst other things.
 
2013-05-28 12:36:05 AM
I don't live too far from this town (Roy) and I am not surprised.  Roy is a very, VERY strange place...seriously, just a small trailer park and a bar.  Once I saw a horse tied up outside a trailer, just standing there, tied to a porch in the driveway.  Probably saddled up to go to the bar.
 
2013-05-28 12:36:39 AM

gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

[i4.ytimg.com image 480x360]

/obscure?


That's about as obscure as this chicken.
 
2013-05-28 12:37:04 AM

miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.


Can you imagine how much it would cost to police that? I'm sure it would be a good thing in the long run, but how do you pay for it, and what are the penalties for unlicensed rutting? The crazies, the poors, the dumb-dumbs, and the uneducated are so vastly more fecund than reasonable folks who plan out major life decisions. You'd need satellite-based gonad-frying beams and the ultimate surveillance state in order to make it work.
 
2013-05-28 12:37:10 AM
freezer bad?

microwave good.

ipso fact-so n shiat.
 
2013-05-28 12:37:22 AM

miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.


The problem is its the same with outcomes of procreation as it is with the stock market:

"(Lack of) prior performance is no guarantee of future success (or failure)."

I know some good people who had shiatty parents and some bad seeds that had great parents.
 
2013-05-28 12:37:39 AM
It's a start.

I suggest smothering with a pillow.
 
2013-05-28 12:37:50 AM

gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

[i4.ytimg.com image 480x360]

/obscure?


That show went off the air years before I was born and it's still not obscure.

/quiet that chicken/baby!
 
2013-05-28 12:37:51 AM

gingerjet: Was on the same bus when the baby was crying ...

[i4.ytimg.com image 480x360]

/obscure?


Yes, very.
 
2013-05-28 12:38:54 AM
does not include freezer training
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-28 12:39:08 AM
An hour in the freezer stiffens meat and makes it easier to slice thinly for sammiches.   Momma got home just in time to make them.
 
2013-05-28 12:39:17 AM
Crib:

cdn.fluidretail.net

Stroller:

c.shld.net
 
2013-05-28 12:43:41 AM
There's nothing more annoying than spoiled children.

Keep children in the freezer, so they'll stay fresh!
 
2013-05-28 12:44:31 AM

Bonanza Jellybean: miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.

Can you imagine how much it would cost to police that? I'm sure it would be a good thing in the long run, but how do you pay for it, and what are the penalties for unlicensed rutting? The crazies, the poors, the dumb-dumbs, and the uneducated are so vastly more fecund than reasonable folks who plan out major life decisions. You'd need satellite-based gonad-frying beams and the ultimate surveillance state in order to make it work.


Newsletter? You haz it? :)
 
2013-05-28 12:44:33 AM

Tax Boy: There's nothing more annoying than spoiled children.

Keep children in the freezer, so they'll stay fresh!


My mom used to yell at me when I got fresh with her, so this sounds like a catch-22.
 
2013-05-28 12:44:49 AM

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: Ice ice baby


Damn you!  I'm going to Hell now.
 
2013-05-28 12:45:47 AM
I am very familiar with Roy, WA. This isn't out of scope for their behavior.

/rumor has it they still used to burn crosses there in the not-too-distant past.
 
2013-05-28 12:46:00 AM
WTF is wrong with people?
 
2013-05-28 12:46:05 AM

you are a puppet: Before we judge this guy too harshly, consider the fact that he may have made a Mr Freeze type pun while he did the deed.


HASTA LA FREEZER, BABY!
 
2013-05-28 12:47:53 AM

Bonanza Jellybean: miss diminutive: Driving? License.
Hunting? License.
Fishing? License.
Flying? License.
Shooting? License.
Breeding? Meh, you got this.

Can you imagine how much it would cost to police that? I'm sure it would be a good thing in the long run, but how do you pay for it, and what are the penalties for unlicensed rutting? The crazies, the poors, the dumb-dumbs, and the uneducated are so vastly more fecund than reasonable folks who plan out major life decisions. You'd need satellite-based gonad-frying beams and the ultimate surveillance state in order to make it work.


Oh I know it's virtually impossible to implement, but it's a nice pipe dream. Maybe make it so that in order to qualify for certain potential parental benefits from the government you have to attend a class that teaches the basics of child care. You know, stuff like "don't put your baby in the freezer" and "shaking furiously isn't an expression of love".

Satellite-based gonad-frying beams gave me the funniest mental image I've had in a while.
 
2013-05-28 12:48:23 AM
What, there was no bourbon handy?


//In all seriousness, take the kid away now and save a visit later on.
 
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