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(io9)   Trending: Dolphin Assisted Births   (io9.com) divider line 50
    More: Weird, births  
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3588 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 May 2013 at 10:51 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-27 08:24:23 PM  
img.gawkerassets.com

Should have known it was going to be hippies.


noting that dolphins are "wild animals, and they are known to do some pretty terrible things"

Jerks of the sea.

And aren't you supposed to avoid swimming with dolphins when you're menstruating? Seems like giving birth would pose a lot of the same risks.
 
2013-05-27 08:28:31 PM  
God damnit Pam! HR records are supposed to be confidential!
 
2013-05-27 08:33:10 PM  
My wife used to work at a facility that had dolphins.  They had to separate the dolphins from the other animals because they liked to play "sting ray frisbee".
 
2013-05-27 08:35:53 PM  

fusillade762: Seems like giving birth would pose a lot of the same risks.


It's unclear from the article, but they might not actually be giving birth in the water? That's probably for the best, because I don't think that would be good for anybody.

 Besides, we know what's going to happen in the end: dolphin sex.
 
2013-05-27 08:51:32 PM  
No no!  I said Flipper, not flip her, you idiot!
 
2013-05-27 08:54:55 PM  
HMMM...there's something fishy about this placenta.
 
2013-05-27 09:35:23 PM  
Ohhhh god, they're all the same women who wanted to be "marine biologists" in 8th grade, and wore those shiatty paua shell dolphin charm necklaces, and bathed in Body Shop Dewberry perfume.

Lululemon lets their employees pin up their aspirations on little wishing cards in the bathrooms, and last time I was there I counted three "swim with dolphins" cards, two of which had hearts over the i.  fark off, dolphin lovers.
 
2013-05-27 10:52:27 PM  
You f*cking liberal hippies are crazy.
 
2013-05-27 10:53:02 PM  
Penn and Teller did it....
 
2013-05-27 10:55:17 PM  
Dolphin assisted birt-


replygif.net
 
2013-05-27 10:56:39 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-05-27 10:57:11 PM  

I_Am_Weasel: No no!  I said Flipper, not flip her, you idiot!


He'll flip ya

What?

I said he'll flip ya, for real

Ooooooooh, I'm really scared
 
2013-05-27 10:59:18 PM  
That sends like a good start for a porpoise driven life.
 
2013-05-27 11:02:20 PM  

farkingismybusiness: [25.media.tumblr.com image 425x417]


What has been seen cannot be unseen.

Dolphins, rapists of the sea.
 
2013-05-27 11:04:15 PM  
This sound germ ridden.
 
2013-05-27 11:20:46 PM  
Mmmm placenta for appetizer, fetus for the main.
 
2013-05-27 11:27:24 PM  
I guess they are expecting their kid to be born with flippers and a tail.
 
2013-05-27 11:36:49 PM  
Penn & Teller's Bullshiat is
Extremely relavent
 
2013-05-27 11:40:40 PM  
I'll just leave this here.

media.nowpublic.net

(it's a dolphin playing football with a dead porpoise)
 
2013-05-27 11:42:24 PM  
Those aren't hippies, they're hipsters..
 
2013-05-27 11:44:03 PM  
So long and thanks for the placenta.
 
2013-05-27 11:45:08 PM  
It'd be funnier if they have their birthing experience at the La Grunta Inn in Arlen, Texas. There's a very amorous dolphin that lives there and likes to hump people. Hank Hill knows what I'm talking about.
 
2013-05-27 11:46:59 PM  

John Dewey: My wife used to work at a facility that had dolphins.  They had to separate the dolphins from the other animals because they liked to play "sting ray frisbee".


Please tell me they have video of this.
 
2013-05-27 11:55:14 PM  

styckx: Those aren't hippies, they're hipsters..


Both of them have nappy lookin' dreadlocks. That leads me to think 'hippie'
 
2013-05-28 12:05:33 AM  
The estate of Anne McCaffrey nods approvingly.

images2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-05-28 12:14:04 AM  
Soynds like a few people have WAY TOO MUCH farkING MONEY. My question is: will this get written off as a medical expense like Anne Romney's dancing horse?
 
2013-05-28 12:32:45 AM  
Never trust anything that smiles all the time.
 
2013-05-28 12:54:40 AM  

fusillade762: Should have known it was going to be hippies.


noting that dolphins are "wild animals, and they are known to do some pretty terrible things"

Jerks of the sea.

And aren't you supposed to avoid swimming with dolphins when you're menstruating? Seems like giving birth would pose a lot of the same risks.


I thought that was sharks.
 
2013-05-28 12:55:05 AM  
People like this really annoy me.  They idolize animals without having any actual understanding of their behavior or capabilities.  I suspect eventually something bad is going to happen at that facility and the dolphins will pay the price.

Also, aren't we supposed to be in a recession?  Where are people getting money for this cooky stuff?
 
2013-05-28 01:09:56 AM  
E-click Eh EE Eh EEE-click.

*translation* THE FISH WAS A LIE!
 
2013-05-28 01:26:38 AM  

tiamet4: People like this really annoy me.  They idolize animals without having any actual understanding of their behavior or capabilities.  I suspect eventually something bad is going to happen at that facility and the dolphins will pay the price.

Also, aren't we supposed to be in a recession?  Where are people getting money for this cooky stuff?


how dare you. dolphins are magical and noble creatures. they are naturally in tune with the mystical energies of life. giving birth in the presence of a dolphins natural majesty is the best way infuse everthing that is good into your child. Such wholesome dolphin traits and pastimes include, killing things for fun and playing with their corpses, fighting territorial wars, and raping everything that swims.

you would be lucky to bestow such a gift to your unborn child. as long as the dolphin does not steal the placenta/baby and eat it.
 
2013-05-28 01:36:03 AM  

cyberspacedout: fusillade762: Should have known it was going to be hippies.

noting that dolphins are "wild animals, and they are known to do some pretty terrible things"

Jerks of the sea.

And aren't you supposed to avoid swimming with dolphins when you're menstruating? Seems like giving birth would pose a lot of the same risks.

I thought that was sharks.


That makes more sense, I guess.
 
2013-05-28 01:42:02 AM  

mortimer_ford: "sting ray frisbee"


This is the only video I could find, no dolphins involved.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzcL6Kjpbsk
 
2013-05-28 02:03:25 AM  

redhook: mortimer_ford: "sting ray frisbee"

This is the only video I could find, no dolphins involved.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzcL6Kjpbsk


Check this out.
http://www.orcahome.de/orcagame.htm
 
2013-05-28 02:06:26 AM  

John Dewey: My wife used to work at a facility that had dolphins.  They had to separate the dolphins from the other animals because they liked to play "sting ray frisbee".


Hey now, stingray frisbee is fun and challenging for the whole family!
 
2013-05-28 02:09:27 AM  
I will echo the chorus that Penn and Teller did a great bit on this and you should click the link and watch it.
 
2013-05-28 02:20:26 AM  

fusillade762: [img.gawkerassets.com image 300x300]

Should have known it was going to be hippies.


noting that dolphins are "wild animals, and they are known to do some pretty terrible things"

Jerks of the sea.

And aren't you supposed to avoid swimming with dolphins when you're menstruating? Seems like giving birth would pose a lot of the same risks.


I thought that was the swimming with polar bears.
 
2013-05-28 02:28:12 AM  

fusillade762: cyberspacedout: fusillade762: Should have known it was going to be hippies.

noting that dolphins are "wild animals, and they are known to do some pretty terrible things"

Jerks of the sea.

And aren't you supposed to avoid swimming with dolphins when you're menstruating? Seems like giving birth would pose a lot of the same risks.

I thought that was sharks.

That makes more sense, I guess.


LOL, but barely. How many women go swimming with sharks? :)
 
2013-05-28 02:58:10 AM  
Dolphins: Possibly capable of love and compassion, but definitely capable of kidnapping, senseless violence, and gang rape. In other words, they have quite a bit in common with Homo sapiens.

Good reason to be wary of them.

/Chimps, also.
//Nature is red in tooth and claw.
///Savage slashies.
 
2013-05-28 03:23:42 AM  

Canton: Dolphins: Possibly capable of love and compassion, but definitely capable of kidnapping, senseless violence, and gang rape. In other words, they have quite a bit in common with Homo sapiens.

Good reason to be wary of them.

/Chimps, also.
//Nature is red in tooth and claw.
///Savage slashies.


Eventually, we're going to find out that dolphins have had a whole parallel civilization in the water, and they've been enslaving other dolphins, raping their women, extincting entire ecosystems, pillaging their way across the ocean, etc.; all the while we've thought they were just benign playful creatures of the sea.
 
2013-05-28 04:20:59 AM  

TruBluTroll: Penn & Teller's Bullshiat is
Extremely relavent


There was something about one of the women interviewed in the video (3:27 - 3:48) that I found kind of creepy but didn't know exactly why. The noises she made were odd yet that still wasn't it. Then it occurred to me that she looks a little bit like Ralph Reed.
i1243.photobucket.com

Now pair her dolphin noises with that face and you've got enough nightmare fuel for a coast to coast trip. The dolphin people are amongst us and they're out for global domination! Good luck getting any sleep.
 
2013-05-28 07:09:28 AM  
"They also get a kick out of beating on and killing other animals. "


In other words, perfectly suited as human companions.
 
2013-05-28 08:20:18 AM  
with their prehensile penises

Suddenly, I feel really shortchanged by nature...
 
2013-05-28 08:50:58 AM  
This story has been kicking around for a while. That couple was one of 84 couples supposedly going to do this and they all backed out. I guess PT Barnum only goes so far.

When they all got off their hippie clouds and looked at reality and the logistics and the complete lack of sanitation or safety, it didn't look so hot. Seriously, what is the woman supposed to do if the fetus goes into distress?
 
2013-05-28 12:31:56 PM  
Glad to see someone else remembered the Billshiat episode.
Remember seeing that; was one of those 'I don't want to live on this planet anymore' moments.
 
2013-05-28 03:06:03 PM  

HotWingAgenda: The estate of Anne McCaffrey nods approvingly.


What a shiatty book. Everything past "Dragonsdawn" was just craptastic crap. And even "Dragonsdawn" was questionable.
 
2013-05-28 03:07:51 PM  

John Dewey: My wife used to work at a facility that had dolphins. They had to separate the dolphins from the other animals because they liked to play "sting ray frisbee".


People say that makes dolphins assholes. I like to think of them as guys I'd like to party with, in aquatic form. Just keep that prehensile penis to yourself, bub.
 
2013-05-28 05:22:51 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Canton: Dolphins: Possibly capable of love and compassion, but definitely capable of kidnapping, senseless violence, and gang rape. In other words, they have quite a bit in common with Homo sapiens.

Good reason to be wary of them.

/Chimps, also.
//Nature is red in tooth and claw.
///Savage slashies.

Eventually, we're going to find out that dolphins have had a whole parallel civilization in the water, and they've been enslaving other dolphins, raping their women, extincting entire ecosystems, pillaging their way across the ocean, etc.; all the while we've thought they were just benign playful creatures of the sea.


I know you're being tongue-in-cheek, but would anyone be terribly shocked by that? If any ocean-dwelling species were capable of building a civilization, it would be dolphins. Or octopuses. It's really kind of a toss-up.
 
2013-05-28 05:52:55 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Canton: Dolphins: Possibly capable of love and compassion, but definitely capable of kidnapping, senseless violence, and gang rape. In other words, they have quite a bit in common with Homo sapiens.

Good reason to be wary of them.

/Chimps, also.
//Nature is red in tooth and claw.
///Savage slashies.

Eventually, we're going to find out that dolphins have had a whole parallel civilization in the water, and they've been enslaving other dolphins, raping their women, extincting entire ecosystems, pillaging their way across the ocean, etc.; all the while we've thought they were just benign playful creatures of the sea.


24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-05-28 08:32:10 PM  

t3knomanser: fusillade762: Seems like giving birth would pose a lot of the same risks.

It's unclear from the article, but they might not actually be giving birth in the water? That's probably for the best, because I don't think that would be good for anybody.

 Besides, we know what's going to happen in the end: dolphin sex.


Water-births are a thing. Giving birth in water apparently reduces pain and is just plain easier on the woman. However, it should be done in an actual birthing pool (basically a bathtub big enough to put a birthing stool in), not a farking dolphin pool. For one thing the temperature of water needed to be comfortable for the humans would be too warm for the dolphins. For another, dolphins are assholes who, on top of everything else, shiat in the pool.
 
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