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(Cracked)   Here are 5 celebrities you did not know were badass soldiers, because we are going to put happy trees over there, right maggot?   (cracked.com) divider line 188
    More: Interesting, drill sergeants, happy tree, positive reinforcement, Army Air Corps, Jimmy Stewart, Mister Rogers, It's a Wonderful Life, Kansas City Fire Department  
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28992 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 May 2013 at 5:05 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-27 08:02:45 PM  
Roald Dahl - author extraordinaire, fighter ace, intelligence officer who worked alongside William Stephenson - the Man From Intrepid. Read his wiki - it's interesting.

Also Charles Durning should have been on that list. He was as tough as they get.

And old timey.
 
Ral
2013-05-27 08:03:10 PM  
My granddad wasn't a famous actor, but he was a ball turret gunner in a B-17 in the European theater.  He got shot down so many times his parachute log looked like a dictionary.  And he survived the war.  He died in 1987.
 
2013-05-27 08:05:31 PM  

Ral: My granddad wasn't a famous actor, but he was a ball turret gunner in a B-17 in the European theater.  He got shot down so many times his parachute log looked like a dictionary.  And he survived the war.  He died in 1987.


Granddad had balls of steel. They were all heroes and they'll all tell you that the real heroes never came home.
 
2013-05-27 08:11:36 PM  

rattchett: Roald Dahl - author extraordinaire, fighter ace, intelligence officer who worked alongside William Stephenson - the Man From Intrepid. Read his wiki - it's interesting.


Screw his wiki, read 'Going Solo'. He describes living in Africa, his air force career, getting shot down over the desert, the months he spent in hospital waiting for his sight to come back, and loads of other stuff. The guy lead one heck of a life.

/Read 'Boy' too. It's funny.
 
2013-05-27 08:14:24 PM  

lifeboat: Fissile: Rod Serling.  Paratrooper.  Wounded in combat.

[geektyrant.com image 500x375]

Not to mention surviving an arrow through the head.


Well, after all, he was a WILD AND CRAZY GUY!
 
2013-05-27 08:14:30 PM  
lifeboat
Is that Johnny Carson?
 
2013-05-27 08:16:16 PM  

OtherLittleGuy: lifeboat: I'll see your Air Force drill instructor and raise with a Marine Corps drill instructor:

[oi42.tinypic.com image 253x320]

WWII veteran with the Marines, wounded in combat at Guadalcanal, spent about a year hospitalized with blackwater fever.  The bullet and the virus missed it by *that* much.

[www.supernaturalwiki.com image 320x400]

Son-in-law: USMC, Vietnam. Marine Reverse until 1976.


Was just watching 4th season of Breaking Bad and when he showed up my wife and I just looked at each other and said "Ellsworth!"  I found his diction and his script could have easily been lifted from a scene in Deadwood and I wasn't sure if that was done intentionally for his cameo or if that's just his style of delivery. I plan on watching Justified at some point so I guess I'll find out.
 
2013-05-27 08:16:21 PM  

trotsky: Ronnie Reagan was actually a commissioned Captain in the USAAF with the film division.


Reagan was rejected for combat duty because of poor eyesight.

/so was Harry Truman
//Truman memorized the eye chart
 
2013-05-27 08:17:40 PM  

lifeboat: Kind of a bad-ass - served in the Navy in WWII and was quite an amateur boxer during that time:

[oi44.tinypic.com image 240x318]

Any guesses?


That doesn't look like my great-grandfather . . .
 
2013-05-27 08:18:57 PM  

Notabunny: fta #5. Bob Ross Was a Drill Sergeant

[img.photobucket.com image 640x425]


OMG you just made Monster shoot out my nose...

/ That little tree doesn't look very happy you MAGGOTS!
 
2013-05-27 08:22:31 PM  

Chak: lifeboat
Is that Johnny Carson?


That is indeed Johnny Carson.  Never would have pegged him as a boxer.
 
2013-05-27 08:25:54 PM  

bifford: Our concept of "badass" is often ridiculous.  How many of us have actually fought in a war?  How many of us are members of a street gang?  How many of us have actually got into a serious fight?  I wager that none of us have met many true badasses and thus have no realistic concept of what they really resemble.


I lived in a place with a tiny private parking lot in the back yard.  There was an old Caddy that had been there for years.  Then one day this guy shows up that was built like a pro wrestler.  I'm big, but this guy was huge.
He was friendly enough, but when I asked why the car had been sitting so long he said something like "I'm in the service.  I've been in ...      Aaafrica."
He wiped off the windshield, I gave him a jump-start, and off he went.
He seemed pretty badass.

C/true/SB
 
2013-05-27 08:26:51 PM  

The DBS: bifford: Our concept of "badass" is often ridiculous.  How many of us have actually fought in a war?  How many of us are members of a street gang?  How many of us have actually got into a serious fight?  I wager that none of us have met many true badasses and thus have no realistic concept of what they really resemble.

My son killed 3 men in combat last year. His patrol got ambushed, one of his Marines got shot, the kid patched him up while getting shot at, then used his own body to shield his patient while returning fire. He's pretty badass for a Sailor.


Your son sounds like the kind of man I'd buy a beer for any day of the week...good on you for raising
such a brave, selfless young man.

/ John 15:13
 
2013-05-27 08:27:40 PM  
Some guys never leave the military life.

Others get out, grow their hair long, and get really interested in things like organic gardening.
 
2013-05-27 08:29:19 PM  
This makes a lot more sense now:
i39.tinypic.com
 
2013-05-27 08:29:29 PM  
Not a soldier, but Hedy Lamarr was one badass lady.
 
2013-05-27 08:32:27 PM  
Nothing but respect for Steve Buscemi.
 
2013-05-27 08:32:55 PM  
Sorry, Cracked. First sergeant != Drill sergeant. If Ross was a drill sergeant, he'd be painting pictures of the Alamo, not Alaskan landscapes.
 
2013-05-27 08:38:57 PM  

OtherLittleGuy: lifeboat: I'll see your Air Force drill instructor and raise with a Marine Corps drill instructor:

[oi42.tinypic.com image 253x320]

WWII veteran with the Marines, wounded in combat at Guadalcanal, spent about a year hospitalized with blackwater fever.  The bullet and the virus missed it by *that* much.

[www.supernaturalwiki.com image 320x400]

Son-in-law: USMC, Vietnam. Marine Reverse until 1976.


Your son in law is Bobby from Supernatural?
 
2013-05-27 08:40:24 PM  

Bathia_Mapes: Peter von Nostrand: Noticeably absent "tough guy" John Wayne

Because he never served in the military. He was exempt due to his age and family status. He was classified as 3-A (family deferment)


a giant pussy.

FTFY

/ James Arness, tallest guy in his squad, had to be the first one jumped off the lander at Normandy to test depth of water
//  Art Carney, shot in the knee at Normandy, why he limped
/// Captain Kangaroo and Mr Greenjeans, both Marines
//// Andy Rooney, embedded journalist during WWII, went on a bomber flight and saved the gunners life when he was shot by applying and holding compress till landing
// Nancy Kulp, left college to serve in the WAVES, decorated for service
//// Sterling Hayden, Marines and OSS
 
2013-05-27 08:43:37 PM  

Ral: My granddad wasn't a famous actor, but he was a ball turret gunner in a B-17 in the European theater.  He got shot down so many times his parachute log looked like a dictionary.  And he survived the war.  He died in 1987.


[raises a glass] My grandaddy was a radio man and waist gunner in a B-17 during WWII. Post D-Day, I
believe. My grandparents have this old book - a coffee table style book - that chronicles the B-17s and
their crews. Grandaddy's crew is one of the ones in the book.

He won't talk about the war. It's the only thing he's ever refused to talk with me (or anyone) about and
even as a stupid teenager, I knew not to push. Thankfully, he's still alive and kicking.

I love my grandaddy. I've 40 and he still calls me "Dumplin'".
 
2013-05-27 08:46:54 PM  
Yeah, they seriously stretched/ignored the definition of a soldier, but some interesting reading. Did not know about Scotty's hand, that's pretty intense stuff!

I'd read about Don Adams' service a while back and always imagined him leading troops as Maxwell Smart ala:

"Gentlemen, we are going to take that hill in 2 1/2 hours!
Would you believe 2 1/2 days?"

And I love the idea of him being a drill instructor.
 
2013-05-27 08:50:07 PM  
Most combat veterans I have ever met, guys who have killed people and/or have seen people killed, very rarely talk about it.  The guy at the bar, bragging about his experiences....usually indicates someone in a support role or someone who never actually served at all.
 
2013-05-27 08:55:40 PM  

Texas Gabe: [t3.gstatic.com image 205x246]


upload.wikimedia.org

18 yrs as a cop with the LAPD, got shot while running down a perp.

Respect for all these guys who actually served. No respect for pussies like John Wayne. A WWII vet told me they were telling the guys that John Wayne was gonna sign up for the whole last year of the war, but he never did. The vet told me that John Wayne got more guys killed that way, cos they would sign up to try to be like him, the overgrown draft dodging pussy. He only got big cos he was the only man left in Hollywood.
 
2013-05-27 08:57:26 PM  
Two more, old school, authors, not actors:

J.R.R. Tolkien, went over the top at the Somme;

Antoine St. Exupery (guy who wrote The Little Prince);  MIA over the Med in WWII in a P-38.
 
2013-05-27 08:58:16 PM  

olddinosaur: Mock26: Everyone is forgetting Mr. Rogers!

:-D

"Mister Rogers" never served in the military.  Also, there is a false rumor Captain Kangaroo was a war hero; he did in fact enlist in the Marines, but the war was over two weeks later.


Did you miss the big grin smiley face?  It is a sign that I was joking.
 
2013-05-27 09:00:25 PM  

WeenerGord: Texas Gabe: [t3.gstatic.com image 205x246]

[upload.wikimedia.org image 220x276]

18 yrs as a cop with the LAPD, got shot while running down a perp.

Respect for all these guys who actually served. No respect for pussies like John Wayne. A WWII vet told me they were telling the guys that John Wayne was gonna sign up for the whole last year of the war, but he never did. The vet told me that John Wayne got more guys killed that way, cos they would sign up to try to be like him, the overgrown draft dodging pussy. He only got big cos he was the only man left in Hollywood.


Eddie!
 
2013-05-27 09:02:25 PM  

WeenerGord: Texas Gabe: [t3.gstatic.com image 205x246]

[upload.wikimedia.org image 220x276]

18 yrs as a cop with the LAPD, got shot while running down a perp.

Respect for all these guys who actually served. No respect for pussies like John Wayne. A WWII vet told me they were telling the guys that John Wayne was gonna sign up for the whole last year of the war, but he never did. The vet told me that John Wayne got more guys killed that way, cos they would sign up to try to be like him, the overgrown draft dodging pussy. He only got big cos he was the only man left in Hollywood.


================

During WWII  Stars and Stripes, the official Army newspaper, took a survey of GIs and asked them to name the person they hated the most.   Frank Sinatra came in first,  Hitler a distant second.
 
2013-05-27 09:03:11 PM  

fusillade762: OtherLittleGuy: Marine Reverse

Is that like a boat that only goes backwards?


+1 for catching my dyslexia.

/"Reserves"
 
2013-05-27 09:06:32 PM  

digitalrain: Not a soldier, but Hedy Lamarr was one badass lady.


When I found out about her work on torpedoes, I wanted to have her baby.
 
2013-05-27 09:11:01 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org

Developed radio wave spread-spectrum frequency-hopping, in order to make guided torpedoes harder to jam.

/No, really.
//That IS Hedy.
 
2013-05-27 09:11:17 PM  
Good line the the article: "Every time a bell rings, Jimmy kills another Nazi."

/granddad lost a lung in a gas attack in WWI
//Dad was a combat engineer in the Battle of the Bulge, blown off a tank at one point
///big brother dodged rocket attacks while fixing runways in Vietnam
\\\all I ever do is fix Navy ships......twisted my ankle once....
 
2013-05-27 09:18:44 PM  
Back in the '70's, I was walking through the family room while my father was watching the old BBC series 'The World At War,' when I heard a familiar voice coming from the TV.  I turned to look and saw that, yes, it was Jimmy Stewart sitting in the studio talking about how harrowing it was flying through flak while flying a WWII bomber in combat.  The story he was telling was impressive enough, but what really struck was the title card beneath him:

"Brigadier General James Stewart (Ret)"

It just felt weird seeing him being interviewed so matter-of-factly, like he was any other serviceman from that war.  Gotta admit, my estimation of the man went up some level of magnitude.
 
2013-05-27 09:23:32 PM  
Airborne
www.biography.com

badass for other reasons
 
2013-05-27 09:28:14 PM  

Fissile: During WWII  Stars and Stripes, the official Army newspaper, took a survey of GIs and asked them to name the person they hated the most.   Frank Sinatra came in first,



Why did they hate Frank Sinatra?
 
2013-05-27 09:28:39 PM  

Sgt Otter: [upload.wikimedia.org image 462x599]

Developed radio wave spread-spectrum frequency-hopping, in order to make guided torpedoes harder to jam.

/No, really.
//That IS Hedy.


Hedly
 
2013-05-27 09:31:09 PM  

Sgt Otter: That IS Hedy.

images2.wikia.nocookie.net


It's HEDLAY!
 
2013-05-27 09:37:02 PM  
14bb18348568cf6c48ec-cde16cf5c35d33e882e13bbe648f334c.r8.cf2.rackcdn.com
Rob Riggle was/is a Marine Corps  officer
 
2013-05-27 09:39:52 PM  

WeenerGord: Fissile: During WWII  Stars and Stripes, the official Army newspaper, took a survey of GIs and asked them to name the person they hated the most.   Frank Sinatra came in first,


Why did they hate Frank Sinatra?


1. He was good looking

2. He was home with all the man less girls

and mostly:

3.  He supposedly dodged the draft by putting a hole in his eardrum
 
2013-05-27 09:45:54 PM  

zeppo: WeenerGord: Fissile: During WWII  Stars and Stripes, the official Army newspaper, took a survey of GIs and asked them to name the person they hated the most.   Frank Sinatra came in first,


Why did they hate Frank Sinatra?

1. He was good looking

2. He was home with all the man less girls

and mostly:

3.  He supposedly dodged the draft by putting a hole in his eardrum


============

This.  He talked tough, and made war propaganda movies while he dodged the draft.   Do as I say, not as I do.
 
2013-05-27 09:46:40 PM  
Dr. Ruth was an Israeli sniper. A freekin' sniper. Back in the day, if you didn't put a smile on her face, she'd kill you while you were waiting for the bus at the end of the street. For practice.
 
2013-05-27 09:49:00 PM  
IN 1976 when I was at Michigan State, Gene Roddenberry gave a very good talk on Star Trek. This was long before the movies were out and it wasn't really clear the ST would become the cultural phenomenon it actually did. Roddenberry predicted that the day was not far off when you'd be able to drop a quarter in the back of your TV and watch whatever you wanted, which would give rise to a shiatload of TV shows aimed at niche markets, such as sci fi. What was interesting is that he didn't envision cable, which made the whole idea absolutely impossible due to the finite nature of bandwidth in the radio/microwave spectrum.

William Shatner showed up, seemed to be getting a kick that anyone actually recalled Capt Kirk. Doohan showed up, went drinking for the rest of the night with college students who shanghaied him from back stage to Dooley's (a non-existent bar now in East Lansing). He debated the entire night whether US colleges were better than US colleges.

I had no inking that Scotty wasn't really Scottish until 15 years later, when the Star Trek exhibit was at the Smithsonian. There was a video of Scotty explaining that he had a lock on the part of the chief engineer, and that Roddenberry had him doing all sorts of accents until he (Roddenberry) decided that the Scottish one fit the part the best. Sort of hard to imagine the chief engineer of the Enterprise being called "Frenchie" or "Krautie". "Canuck", mebbie.

/The Star Trek exhibit was seen by the most people of any exhibit at the Smithsonian Air & Space Museum.
//In one room, you have the Apollo 11 capsule, Gus Grisson's Gemini, Alan Shepard's and John Glenn's capsules, Chuck Yeager's X15, Charles Lindbergh's Spirit of Saint Louis, and last but not least the original Wright brothers' plane. And, Star Trek was the big draw. I guess in a way I'm OK with that. But maybe not.

///The Wright brothers' plane now has it's own gallery, along with an original Wright brothers' bicycle (nice looking machine) and Shepards capsule has since been moved elsewhere, not sure where.
 
2013-05-27 09:55:14 PM  
You know who else was a badass soldier before becoming a celebrity?
 
2013-05-27 10:06:06 PM  
enemy of the state:

///The Wright brothers' plane now has it's own gallery, along with an original Wright brothers' bicycle

======================

I don't mean to hijack the thread, but it's interesting that you bring this up.  Both the aerospace industry and the automobile industries grew out of the bicycle industry.
 
2013-05-27 10:16:43 PM  
FTA: "Ironically, he only appeared in a couple of war movies..."

Looks like they forgot about Strategic Air Command.
 
2013-05-27 10:17:31 PM  

PacManDreaming: FTA: "Ironically, he only appeared in a couple of war movies..."

Looks like they forgot about Strategic Air Command.


And that would be Jimmy Stewart that I was referring to.
 
2013-05-27 10:19:30 PM  

OtherLittleGuy: lifeboat: I'll see your Air Force drill instructor and raise with a Marine Corps drill instructor:

[oi42.tinypic.com image 253x320]

WWII veteran with the Marines, wounded in combat at Guadalcanal, spent about a year hospitalized with blackwater fever.  The bullet and the virus missed it by *that* much.

[www.supernaturalwiki.com image 320x400]

Son-in-law: USMC, Vietnam. Marine Reverse until 1976.


Bobby's your son in law?!?!?

Are you.....the ghost of John Adams?
 
2013-05-27 10:22:43 PM  

The DBS: bearded clamorer: List fails without Charles Durning.

True. I didin't even know about all the shiat Durning went through until after he died.

It appears 40% of the list aren't actually soldiers and with all due respect to Bob Ross his entry didn't make any sense. It sounds like he did his job in Alaska (where we don't do USAF basic) and nobody actually spends an entire 20 years as an instructor unless they actually want to be. It's a stepping stone of career advancement for most. Then I went back to the article linked by Cracked and saw that he wasn't a drill sergeant. He was a First Sergeant, which actually makes sense.

The writer is probably too stupid to know the difference since he also didn't know the that firement and street thugs aren't soldiers either.


Never was in the service but aren't there radically different degrees of 'drill sergeants' in each branch, at least in terms of bad-assness?
 
2013-05-27 10:31:09 PM  
I saw a trivia blurb on "Pawn Stars" literally a minute before I saw this article: "Which cast member of Star Trek was shot six times during the invasion of Normandy?" I even guessed right.
 
2013-05-27 10:35:50 PM  
I remember hearing about Bob Ross in the military back in 90's after watching some stand up act on TV. Sadly I can't recall who it was.

He mentioned that Bob Ross was in the military and starting doing an impression of Bob by talking about making a happy little tree, and then making happy little friends for the tree until we have a whole bunch of happy little trees, the trees look a jungle...a jungle...THE jungle...I was in the jungle once...I was in 'NAM, oh look Charlies in the tree, better spread some Agent Orange and red napalm over the happy jungle (said as he made sweeping gestures like covering the canvas).
 
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