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(Slate)   The latest thing to ruin movie-going experiences? Popcorn   (slate.com) divider line 73
    More: Silly, Andie MacDowell, Frankenstein's monster, Michael Pollan, Flemish, American Love, popsicles, Cormac McCarthy, Hercule Poirot  
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3631 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 25 May 2013 at 3:00 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-25 12:29:02 PM  
I rtfa and all I saw was "blah blah blah blah"
 
2013-05-25 12:30:00 PM  
"Finally, the plight of the nation. This one's simple. If all the corn that goes into making popcorn was diverted to the ethanol-fuel industry, we wouldn't be so dependent on foreign oil."

^ facepalm
 
2013-05-25 12:39:41 PM  
That might be the worst thing I have ever read. Congrats!
 
2013-05-25 12:51:49 PM  
Promoting nachos as a healthful and cleaner option than popcorn is roughly akin to promoting being cockpunched by a rhino's front left foot as opposed to the rhino's front right.
 
2013-05-25 01:04:49 PM  

Altair: "Finally, the plight of the nation. This one's simple. If all the corn that goes into making popcorn was diverted to the ethanol-fuel industry, we wouldn't be so dependent on foreign oil."

^ facepalm


Well, technically correct - he and his roommate would have enough fuel for their car. The rest of the nation would continue to throat-gargle Canada for just one more hit of the black stuff.
 
2013-05-25 01:13:19 PM  

Altair: I rtfa and all I saw was "blah blah blah blah"


I love popcorn. With lots of artificial butter-flavored grease.
 
2013-05-25 01:22:54 PM  
This past August, the food editors at America Online polled thousands of their readers, and according to them, America's most despised foods include liver, chitterlings, and parsnips.

I'm willing to bet the vast majority of that sample population has never eaten chitterlings or parsnips.  I love both liver and parsnips - have never tried chit'lins.
 
2013-05-25 01:26:52 PM  
The guy also hates meringue, squid, and catfish.  His opinion about food is worth less than nothing.
 
2013-05-25 01:54:07 PM  
Popcorn is basically flavorless, but it's flavorless only in the way in which pasta is flavorless: it's mainly there to provide something for the toppings (or in the case of pasta, the sauce) to stick to, and to provide you with an interesting texture. When it comes to popcorn toppings, the only problem with butter, (I'm talking real butter, not the theaters oil) is that butter contains water, which can lead to soggyish kernels.

So use duck fat in a non-stick pan to pop the corn, and have another 2-3 tbl of duck fat in a tiny pan on the side. A few minutes ahead of time, infuse the side pan's duckfat with herbs and spices; I've used rosemary, and the canonical recipes appears favor thyme, finely-zested orange zest, and some garlic, which I shall have to try sometime. Then pop the corn in the larger pan.

If you don't have duck fat, you probably have bacon fat. Skip the fancy infusion stuff and just pop the corn in the bacon fat. (If you don't have bacon fat, stop reading this, go have some bacon and save the rendered fat for popcorn later tonight!)

And if you don't want to go through the extra few minutes of popping your corn in oil on the stove, you can still achieve glory by starting with plain popcorn and an air popper or even a bag of unsalted plain microwave popcorn, and just drizzle the above-mentioned toppings onto the popcorn. Popcorn can be awesome; you just have to get outside your own shell.
 
2013-05-25 02:00:52 PM  

NewportBarGuy: That might be the worst thing I have ever read. Congrats!


It could have started with the words "Dear Prudie."

That said, this shiat is the bomb:

www.kernelseasons.com

I usually get an empty cup and take extra powder to flavor all the way through, and yes, I do sound fat.
 
2013-05-25 02:22:33 PM  
Jesus, that wasn't even tl; dr.  It was tl; gfy.
 
2013-05-25 02:42:37 PM  
Thafark did I just attempt to read. People get paid for this?
 
2013-05-25 03:04:26 PM  
I love popcorn, it's probably my second favorite food after chicken. Just to spite the author I'll go to the theater today, catch a film and order the largest popcorn they have slathered with butter and go for a refill when I'm done and munch on that for the rest of today.
 
2013-05-25 03:09:24 PM  
FTFA But popcorn eaters sound like they're engaging in jungle combat-all that squealing and crunching.

Go fark yourself.  Popcorn and movies go hand in hand.  Its part of the experiance.  Have an issue with it? Stay the fark home.

/popcorn haters piss me off
 
2013-05-25 03:10:54 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Promoting nachos as a healthful and cleaner option than popcorn is roughly akin to promoting being cockpunched by a rhino's front left foot as opposed to the rhino's front right.


But the left foot has magical peener-growing properties, so you've got that going for you.
 
2013-05-25 03:14:17 PM  
He doesn't like popcorn, but he likes "nutmeat". Different strokes I guess...
 
2013-05-25 03:15:18 PM  
The only problem I have with popcorn is that it's too much effort:enjoyment ratio is all wrong. It's not worth going to the effort to make it (or cost to buy it) considering it's like small, fat-laden styrofoam chips.
 
2013-05-25 03:16:27 PM  
How is it even possible to hate popcorn?  It's like hating beige.
 
2013-05-25 03:18:33 PM  
Slate is so awesome, because contrarianism for the sake of being contrary means you're very, very hip.
 
2013-05-25 03:21:11 PM  
Is this turning into a popcorn thread? Step aside, Junior.

One of my many recipes is super simple - Use butter and a smidge of olive oil. Pop in a pot/kettle the old fashioned way. When popcorn is done, put into large bowl. Using either nonstick spray or drizzled melted butter, evenly distribute over popcorn and toss. THEN - take a package of Ramen noodles and use only the flavor packet. Sprinkle liberally and toss. Tasty as hell!
 
2013-05-25 03:23:58 PM  

Twilight Farkle: Popcorn is basically flavorless, but it's flavorless only in the way in which pasta is flavorless: it's mainly there to provide something for the toppings (or in the case of pasta, the sauce) to stick to, and to provide you with an interesting texture. When it comes to popcorn toppings, the only problem with butter, (I'm talking real butter, not the theaters oil) is that butter contains water, which can lead to soggyish kernels.

So use duck fat in a non-stick pan to pop the corn, and have another 2-3 tbl of duck fat in a tiny pan on the side. A few minutes ahead of time, infuse the side pan's duckfat with herbs and spices; I've used rosemary, and the canonical recipes appears favor thyme, finely-zested orange zest, and some garlic, which I shall have to try sometime. Then pop the corn in the larger pan.

If you don't have duck fat, you probably have bacon fat. Skip the fancy infusion stuff and just pop the corn in the bacon fat. (If you don't have bacon fat, stop reading this, go have some bacon and save the rendered fat for popcorn later tonight!)

And if you don't want to go through the extra few minutes of popping your corn in oil on the stove, you can still achieve glory by starting with plain popcorn and an air popper or even a bag of unsalted plain microwave popcorn, and just drizzle the above-mentioned toppings onto the popcorn. Popcorn can be awesome; you just have to get outside your own shell.


I usually pop with bacon fat or olive oil. The herb infused oil for dipping bread is particularly good to use. And how the hell are you letting popcorn sit around long enough for the moisture to let the kernels get soggy? Are you sure you aren't confusing mmargarine for butter? ;)


use ghee instead....
 
2013-05-25 03:25:13 PM  

SecretAgentWoman: Altair: I rtfa and all I saw was "blah blah blah blah"

I love popcorn. With lots of artificial butter-flavored grease.


Add some brewer's yeast to that butter ( or butter-flavored grease), and I'm in popcorn heaven...
 
2013-05-25 03:27:22 PM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-25 03:28:53 PM  

Walt_Jizzney: Is this turning into a popcorn thread? Step aside, Junior.

One of my many recipes is super simple - Use butter and a smidge of olive oil. Pop in a pot/kettle the old fashioned way. When popcorn is done, put into large bowl. Using either nonstick spray or drizzled melted butter, evenly distribute over popcorn and toss. THEN - take a package of Ramen noodles and use only the flavor packet. Sprinkle liberally and toss. Tasty as hell!


We do something similar, but use a garlic-based pasta seasoning instead. Just enough to give flavor, not enough to be the only flavor.
 
2013-05-25 03:28:53 PM  
If all the corn that goes into making popcorn was diverted to the ethanol-fuel industry, we wouldn't be so dependent on foreign oil. [...] so allow me to suggest an alternative for your Oscars-watching party: nachos.

Remind me again what nacho chips are made from?
 
2013-05-25 03:35:33 PM  

I other words...

i79.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-25 03:41:16 PM  
Movie theater popcorn is my least favorite smell, I absolutely cannot stand the stench.
Oh, and this...
s.mcstatic.com

/hot
 
2013-05-25 03:43:41 PM  

FloydA: The guy also hates meringue, squid, and catfish.  His opinion about food is worth less than nothing.


Came to say that.
 
2013-05-25 03:44:44 PM  
Also on the list of butter alternatives: coconut oil.
 
2013-05-25 03:47:04 PM  
I love popcorn, but hate hearing other people eating it in a movie theater, especially if it's a quiet scene.  Crunching in general puts me on edge, too.  They might as well be clipping their nails.  Supposedly, being annoyed at that stuff is indicative of some sort of mental disorder, so there you go.
 
2013-05-25 03:49:12 PM  
This guy and that insipid biatch who wrote the Guy Fieri article yesterday should get together and have kids, so I can drown them in a river like a sack full of kittens while eating handfuls of popcorn.
 
2013-05-25 03:49:36 PM  

LivingDeadX1: I other words...

[i79.photobucket.com image 680x473]


Came for this, leaving satisfied.
 
2013-05-25 03:50:57 PM  
What we need for a better theater experience is an increase in the amount of people in the seats in front of you texting.  That always cheers me up.  Who doesn't like fireflies?
 
2013-05-25 03:51:53 PM  
I'm not reading all that. With that being said, I don't know how they do it, but our local Imax has always had stale popcorn throughout the years. And this is the newest theatre we have. We have to go out of the area for non-stale popcorn. How could someone fark up popcorn that bad?
 
2013-05-25 03:53:11 PM  

Wadded Beef: What we need for a better theater experience is an increase in the amount of people in the seats in front of you texting.  That always cheers me up.  Who doesn't like fireflies?


Or dazed toddlers wandering about while a horror movie is on.
Leave your sex trophies at home people, or at least take them to a lame kid's movie that I'm not watching.
 
2013-05-25 03:54:44 PM  
All I got from the article was a guy biatching about a food he doesn't like. Why is this even relevant?
 
2013-05-25 03:58:47 PM  

Ivo Shandor: If all the corn that goes into making popcorn was diverted to the ethanol-fuel industry, we wouldn't be so dependent on foreign oil. [...] so allow me to suggest an alternative for your Oscars-watching party: nachos.

Remind me again what nacho chips are made from?


He'd probably recommend flour based nacho chips, which, in addition to not deserving the name, taste like shiat with nacho cheese on them.
 
2013-05-25 04:03:38 PM  
Okay, here's the thing. For me, it's not about popcorn or any other food.

It's that food and movies should never go together. Combining the two is viscerally wrong on a fundamental level that I can't quite explain. Eating is a distracting bodily function that disrupts my ability to enjoy art or even mindless Bay-splosion filled entertainment.

On a related note, I can barely stand watching movies in the presence of other people. They are almost always better watched alone.

/your mileage my differ
 
2013-05-25 04:07:03 PM  
i1136.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-25 04:25:40 PM  
Dear Slate,

Your blog sucks!
 
2013-05-25 04:29:53 PM  
1) Looks like somebody thinks they're Andy Rooney! Except that Andy Rooney, while sounding like Wallace Shawn and Fran Drescher's more annoying older brother, was actually clever and funny. Go read some of his stuff and put his voice out of your head for a while. If you're going to make a living yelling at clouds, you have to be erudite and classy about it, and Rooney generally was.

2) His historian friend sounds like he's much better at being an entertaining crank than he is.

3) You complain about the sound of people chewing popcorn at movies, and your suggested popcorn alternative is nachos? Why not just suggest eating kettle chips while molesting bubble wrap?

4) I will buy the next size of popcorn up in honor of this person. If I can confirm they are in the theater, I will buy two max-size buckets.

5) I see some hipster's hipster parents couldn't spell "Rosencrantz" correctly in any of its known permutations.
 
2013-05-25 04:37:09 PM  
Amazing how and why hipsters find the damnedest things creepy.   One of their best cultural impacts, if that.
 
2013-05-25 04:38:41 PM  

Altair: I rtfa and all I saw was "blah blah blah blah"


This, unfortunately. It's amazing how he can whine that much, simply because other folks like something that he doesn't like. We get it - you don't like popcorn. The ranting, the swearing, the insults, the jeers - we get it.

Now, get the fark over it.

I don't like dreadlocks. That doesn't mean I reprint a three-year-old, 1,361-word article which consists of me ranting and swearing about them, while insulting and jeering those who wear them. It means I simply shrug and realize that, while some folks like dreadlocks, I'm not fond of them. End of story.

Of course, clicking on his name reveals other "articles" (or, should I say, "article") that he's written for them - a whining rant about the literary trope of dogs barking. I'm thinking that this guy should probably go back to stand-up comedy, as both of his articles come off as whiny, post-hipster screeds regarding subjects the rest of us simply note in passing.
 
2013-05-25 05:27:05 PM  
I'm mesh on popcorn, don't like movie popcorn (tastes like what I imagine high-end axle grease tastes like), and loathe microwave popcorn to the very depths of my soul.

But whatever. The worst problem with popcorn is that, whenever my family went to the movies, my mother is congenitally unable not to spend the whole farking movie passing the ten pounds of food she bought at concessions around. Including a gallon bucket of popcorn.

My brothers and I eventually decided that we'd rather eat good food afterwards than junk during the movie, but it never stopped mom ffrom buying ten pounds of food every single time.
 
2013-05-25 05:30:37 PM  

Seth'n'Spectrum: Okay, here's the thing. For me, it's not about popcorn or any other food.

It's that food and movies should never go together. Combining the two is viscerally wrong on a fundamental level that I can't quite explain. Eating is a distracting bodily function that disrupts my ability to enjoy art or even mindless Bay-splosion filled entertainment.

On a related note, I can barely stand watching movies in the presence of other people. They are almost always better watched alone.

/your mileage my differ


My mileage does differ.
I can also walk and chew gum at the same time.
 
2013-05-25 06:26:56 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Promoting nachos as a healthful and cleaner option than popcorn is roughly akin to promoting being cockpunched by a rhino's front left foot as opposed to the rhino's front right.


Mr. Giant Taco Salad inventor

Bud Light Presents Real Men of Genius
(Real Men of Genius)

Today we salute you Mr. Giant Taco Salad Inventor
(Mr. Giant Taco Salad Inventor)
A culinary invention that baffles the human mind,
a twelve thousand calorie salad.
(ai-carumba)
Ground beef, refried beans, guacamole,
cheese, sour cream and, if there is any room left,
a few shreads of lettuce.
(I don't see no mayonnaise)
Some may ask, is your Taco Salad Healthy?
Of course it is, it's a salad isn't it?
( You can eat that deep fried crunchy bowl )
So crack open an ice cold budlight, conquistador of the calorie.
You put the feast in fiesta.
(Mr. Giant Taco Salad Inventor)
 
2013-05-25 06:29:23 PM  
We don't go to the movies often, but when we do, popcorn is part of the experience.

At home, stove cooked in either veg or coconut oil, and real butter.  Don't half ass.  It's a treat.
 
2013-05-25 06:34:28 PM  
Ruining the movie going experience, well, I just got home from the movies (just saw Star Trek Into Darkness).  Here's how it should be: when you buy your ticket for the 1:15 showing, that means that at 1:15 the movie starts.  So at 1:00 the trailers should be starting.  If a movie runs for 2 hours and 3 minutes, and the ticket says it's the 1:15 showing, than the final frame of the movie should finish at 3:18.

Instead, at 1:15, it was still those commercials and PSAs.  Twice in ten minutes I saw the same PSA about not texting while driving.  I was ready to text and drive just to spite the PSA that I was tired of.  And yes, we saw the same PSA twice, but it wasn't the same farking PSA about not texting while driving.  Before the trailers where were commercials.  The same ones on tv were also shown before the trailers.  The PSA with Mary J Blidge where she talks about the importance of cancer and how it's more important that the movie we've paid to see, yeah, when you do that I lose all interest in your cause.  I don't give a rats ass that the movie projector or what ever is called 'Christine' and I was at the Rave, I don't need an ad telling me about the Rave.  And then there was also the announcement that the program or company which does the between movie time filler (the easy ass quizes, interviews of celebrities that I couldn't care about, movie trivia that really isn't trivia) is now over.  No, stop it, we don't care.  I sit in my seat at 1:05, and at 1:25 I'm already annoyed and reminded of that episode of 'The Simpsons' where Homer is parading back and fourth in front of the movie audience demanding the projectionist to start the movie and ready to do the same thing.  This is why people download movies!!!!
 
2013-05-25 06:41:54 PM  
The problem isn't in the crunch.  The problem is in the fact that most people don't understand how to chew with the farking mouths closed!  I don't think there's anything in this world that annoys me more.
 
2013-05-25 06:45:48 PM  
I eat popcorn pretty frequently, but that's because I take the actual corn, pop it, and then add some salt.  I don't even own a microwave.

/kitchen hipster
 
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