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(BBC)   While teachers are worried that sex education is struggling to keep up with online porn, the pupils are certain they have everything well in hand   (bbc.co.uk) divider line 55
    More: Interesting, Department for Education, action alert, faith schools  
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4783 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 May 2013 at 10:09 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-24 10:13:16 AM
This thread has potential...
 
2013-05-24 10:13:20 AM
pretty schlick pun in that headline
 
2013-05-24 10:16:08 AM
LOL. Read that as "White teachers". Totally changed the meaning of that headline.
 
2013-05-24 10:17:46 AM
"I know alla bout sex and stuff, teach."

"Oh, really?"

"Sure, I just gotta save up for a ball gag, 3 Lb. of margarine, a baseball bat and a donkey."

"*sigh*"
 
2013-05-24 10:17:56 AM
ts3.mm.bing.net
 
2013-05-24 10:18:18 AM
It's a fair point - I have an http proxy set up at home (I'm a geek, sue me) already. My son's only 2 1/2, but he's a demon with the gadgets that are lying around. We're not prudes, but I'd like it if his introduction to human sexuality did not involve the sort of shiat that is difficult to avoid on t'interwebz.
 
2013-05-24 10:20:35 AM
Has anyone tried an abstinence-only program featuring that deputy commissioner?  It might actually work...
 
2013-05-24 10:21:15 AM
Can you tell me how babbies are made?

*class all shouts at once*   Pizza delivery!
 
2013-05-24 10:21:59 AM
and lets not forget all the Extra Credit some teachers give to select students...

static.someecards.com
 
2013-05-24 10:26:23 AM
The day that I heard a fourteen-year-old talk about Cleveland Steamers was the day that I finally realized that the world is in good hands and things really are going to be all right.
 
2013-05-24 10:26:44 AM
What the fark!? What's there to "keep up with"? You need to be having frank and honest discussions with these kids before their of an age where they're online looking at this stuff. No more pearl clutching, no more decrying the "lack of morals of the current generation", cut the bullshiat and be parents to these kids. You're adults. It's your god damned job.
 
2013-05-24 10:27:26 AM
btraz70:

ts3.mm.bing.net

That irreverence!  That wit!  I'd recognize it anywhere. Some charlatan has stolen a Ziggy and passed it off as his own. I can prove it. Quick btraz70, to my archives!
 
2013-05-24 10:33:43 AM
Growing up I used to think that doggystyle meant both people lifted their legs like dogs peeing during sex. Thanks to the pervasiveness of porn, kids today won't have to grow up with that shame.
 
2013-05-24 10:34:22 AM
I'm waiting for the kids to walk in on mommy-n-daddy and say, "Oh wow, you guys really don't understand how to use those beads, do you? I'll tweet you a link, try to pay attention."
 
2013-05-24 10:35:26 AM
Sex is like Bridge, if you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand.
 
2013-05-24 10:40:20 AM

Tom_Slick: Sex is like Bridge, if you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand.


and pray that a truck doesn't hit the damn thing and dump you in the river...

media.komonews.com
 
2013-05-24 10:41:55 AM
I really worry about the effect of porn on kids. The stuff today is not the stuff we saw on our parents VHS tapes we found.

My husband prefers porn, which has become my problem as he prefers it to real sex with me. I am considered attractive and he swears he loves me, but he avoids any intimacy with me. It's a bit of chicken or egg because I wonder if the porn made him have intimacy avoidance, or does his intimacy issues drive him to porn which is safer as there is no chance for him to be hurt?

I have no problem with porn itself, I have been involved with it on both sides of the camera, but being in this marriage has shown me how detrimental it can be for some people. I liken it to alcohol, some of us can have a drink without a problem, some of us can't. I can't blame porn for the problems anymore than an alcoholics wife can blame the booze, but kids need to be told that a lot of what they are going to stumble upon is not real, and if they try to do those things with someone, they are going to physically, mentally, or emotionally hurt them or themselves.

There is a great documentary called Adult Entertainment: Disrobing an American Idol. They interview the doctor who was a porn star in the 70's and is now in charge of the health clinic for porn actors, and she tells how the porn now is completely different and devoid of any sort of intimacy. If you've ever seen any of the older stuff, you know what she means. They at least act like they like each other in the older movies, and I don't see that too often in the newer stuff. At one point the doctor says she recently got a call asking how many chopsticks would safely fit up someone's butt. She exclaims "what has that got to do with intimacy?"

If you think this doesn't have an effect on people, look at a recent article about Japanese youth. You can't watch that much weird porn and not have it affect you! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobilewe b/2012/01/30/japan-population-de cline-youth-no-sex_n_1242014.html
 
2013-05-24 10:42:56 AM
So how soon until people start trying to seduce every repairman, contractor and delivery person that comes to their house? I didn't know all that much about sex when I first got on the internet and learned quite a bit from the internet, yet I still viewed it as I did television. That's not really how it works.
 
2013-05-24 10:56:05 AM

jennies1897: So how soon until people start trying to seduce every repairman, contractor and delivery person that comes to their house? I didn't know all that much about sex when I first got on the internet and learned quite a bit from the internet, yet I still viewed it as I did television. That's not really how it works.


But it's more than that. When you masturbate to say, sticking needles in a person (or something else not the norm) you are ingraining that thought with pleasure. It would be similar to watching animal planet and burning your hand each time you had it on. After awhile, you would have literally rewired your brain to associate animals with hand pain.

Maybe it's not an issue if you are masturbating to normal porn which shows intimacy (or as close as it can come through on film), but think of what would happen if you are rewiring your brain to some of the crazy shiat out there.

Not to mention the sexual issues that arise (or don't!) if you masturbate to porn a lot. Guys lose erections because the woman doesn't feel like their hand or can't ejaculate inside her when they are trying to get pregnant. shiat, my husband has to use Cialis to spank it to porn these days. How badly have you screwed up your libido if you are in your 40's and need Cialis to spank it to porn?
 
2013-05-24 11:03:10 AM

ocd002: My husband prefers porn, which has become my problem as he prefers it to real sex with me. I am considered attractive and he swears he loves me, but he avoids any intimacy with me. It's a bit of chicken or egg because I wonder if the porn made him have intimacy avoidance, or does his intimacy issues drive him to porn which is safer as there is no chance for him to be hurt?


I'm not making assumptions on your end, but porn is a safe outlet when you don't get the attention you'd like or your advances are consistently turned down.

My crappy depressing story bro:

In my former relationship, my spouse didn't want sex and turned down my advances constantly unless I spent the time to put them in the mood.  In order to "get in the mood" it would be a long production and the end result wasn't guaranteed.  There was never a quickie just to get your rocks off and appease your spouse temporarily, they didn't exist.

So years of fighting a losing battle trying to have a little intimacy with my spouse and consistently being denied turned my to pornography to just take care of myself.  Then comes the "why don't you pay attention to me anymore?  Aren't you attracted to me?  How come you don't come like a puppy when I offer my body to you?" stuff.  At that point, the ship has sailed and I didn't care to stress about it or put the effort in any more.  The constant let down turned me off completely.

The porn was only a symptom(and a treatment), not the cause.
 
2013-05-24 11:04:01 AM

ocd002: My husband prefers porn, which has become my problem as he prefers it to real sex with me. I am considered attractive and he swears he loves me, but he avoids any intimacy with me. It's a bit of chicken or egg because I wonder if the porn made him have intimacy avoidance, or does his intimacy issues drive him to porn which is safer as there is no chance for him to be hurt?


It sounds like you guys need to get to counseling.

As a married guy, I can tell you that it's a lot easier to crank one myself after a long day than it is to have sex.

Sticking chopsticks up your butt can be an intimate act if it's done with someone you love. Anything you do with someone you love can be an intimate act.
 
2013-05-24 11:04:47 AM
Meh, dirtbags will still be dirtbags and decent people will still figure out how to have loving relationships. I think the major difference is the cultural shift that is inevitable when repressive prudes can no longer demonize everything remotely sexual. When kids today see that sexual expression in all it's many forms is a normal, worldwide phenomenon, and can seek knowledge without embarrassment, they will be able to discern what falls on the spectrum of realistic sex vs. the really out there stuff, just like they already do with TV, video games, etc.
 
2013-05-24 11:06:14 AM

UrukHaiGuyz: Meh, dirtbags will still be dirtbags and decent people will still figure out how to have loving relationships. I think the major difference is the cultural shift that is inevitable when repressive prudes can no longer demonize everything remotely sexual. When kids today see that sexual expression in all it's its many forms is a normal, worldwide phenomenon, and can seek knowledge without embarrassment, they will be able to discern what falls on the spectrum of realistic sex vs. the really out there stuff, just like they already do with TV, video games, etc.


FTFM

/I can feel the apostrophe thread glaring at me
 
2013-05-24 11:14:38 AM

ocd002: think of what would happen if you are rewiring your brain to some of the crazy shiat out there


It seems to me (though I haven't a view of the whole porn universe so I don't know how generally applicable this is) that amateur stuff (e.g. Youporn) has been getting pretty popular online. That has some upsides, e.g. the watchers get more used to how "normal-looking" people look and behave in bed, as opposed to plasticy porn-star types.

ocd002: Not to mention the sexual issues that arise (or don't!) if you masturbate to porn a lot. Guys lose erections because the woman doesn't feel like their hand or can't ejaculate inside her when they are trying to get pregnant.


Dan Savage has great advice I think all teenage boys should read, on this subject. He advocates wanking with a light tough (to avoid the former issue) and to vary one's self-love routines (so as not to train oneself to need specific stimuli to get off).
 
2013-05-24 11:15:00 AM

miss diminutive: I used to think that doggystyle meant both people lifted their legs like dogs peeing during sex


Go on...
 
2013-05-24 11:15:31 AM

ocd002: I really worry about the effect of porn on kids. The stuff today is not the stuff we saw on our parents VHS tapes we found.

My husband prefers porn, which has become my problem as he prefers it to real sex with me. I am considered attractive and he swears he loves me, but he avoids any intimacy with me. It's a bit of chicken or egg because I wonder if the porn made him have intimacy avoidance, or does his intimacy issues drive him to porn which is safer as there is no chance for him to be hurt?

I have no problem with porn itself, I have been involved with it on both sides of the camera, but being in this marriage has shown me how detrimental it can be for some people. I liken it to alcohol, some of us can have a drink without a problem, some of us can't. I can't blame porn for the problems anymore than an alcoholics wife can blame the booze, but kids need to be told that a lot of what they are going to stumble upon is not real, and if they try to do those things with someone, they are going to physically, mentally, or emotionally hurt them or themselves.

There is a great documentary called Adult Entertainment: Disrobing an American Idol. They interview the doctor who was a porn star in the 70's and is now in charge of the health clinic for porn actors, and she tells how the porn now is completely different and devoid of any sort of intimacy. If you've ever seen any of the older stuff, you know what she means. They at least act like they like each other in the older movies, and I don't see that too often in the newer stuff. At one point the doctor says she recently got a call asking how many chopsticks would safely fit up someone's butt. She exclaims "what has that got to do with intimacy?"

If you think this doesn't have an effect on people, look at a recent article about Japanese youth. You can't watch that much weird porn and not have it affect you! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobilewe b/2012/01/30/japan-population-de cline-youth-no-sex_n_1242014.html


Are you my wife?
 
2013-05-24 11:27:33 AM

ocd002: can't ejaculate inside her when they are trying to get pregnant.


Sex while actively trying to make a baby is the best sex.
 
2013-05-24 11:43:21 AM

Tom_Slick: ocd002: can't ejaculate inside her when they are trying to get pregnant.

Sex while actively trying to make a baby is the best sex.


Nah, the first few romps after getting the all-clear from your vasectomy doctor is the best sex.

/spackled her insides like I was hanging drywall
 
2013-05-24 11:47:37 AM

Voiceofreason01: What the fark!? What's there to "keep up with"? You need to be having frank and honest discussions with these kids before their of an age where they're online looking at this stuff. No more pearl clutching, no more decrying the "lack of morals of the current generation", cut the bullshiat and be parents to these kids. You're adults. It's your god damned job.


That's... kind of the point of the article: that the adults need to do that, and talking about how they're working toward that goal.
 
2013-05-24 11:54:43 AM

bhcompy: ocd002: My husband prefers porn, which has become my problem as he prefers it to real sex with me. I am considered attractive and he swears he loves me, but he avoids any intimacy with me. It's a bit of chicken or egg because I wonder if the porn made him have intimacy avoidance, or does his intimacy issues drive him to porn which is safer as there is no chance for him to be hurt?

I'm not making assumptions on your end, but porn is a safe outlet when you don't get the attention you'd like or your advances are consistently turned down.

My crappy depressing story bro:

In my former relationship, my spouse didn't want sex and turned down my advances constantly unless I spent the time to put them in the mood.  In order to "get in the mood" it would be a long production and the end result wasn't guaranteed.  There was never a quickie just to get your rocks off and appease your spouse temporarily, they didn't exist.

So years of fighting a losing battle trying to have a little intimacy with my spouse and consistently being denied turned my to pornography to just take care of myself.  Then comes the "why don't you pay attention to me anymore?  Aren't you attracted to me?  How come you don't come like a puppy when I offer my body to you?" stuff.  At that point, the ship has sailed and I didn't care to stress about it or put the effort in any more.  The constant let down turned me off completely.

The porn was only a symptom(and a treatment), not the cause.


I could understand his end if it went down that that with us. But we had frequent and really good sex until the day I moved in with him and it went from about 30 times a month to three times a month overnight. Now it's 15-18 times a year. I've tried everything. I've brought along another woman which he seemed to enjoy but didn't want to repeat. We have a swing club in town that I've repeatedly asked if he will go to but he refuses. We haven't shared a bedroom for over two years and I am getting rid of a big, lonely king size bed in favor of a twin sized bed like he has in his bedroom.

The counselor said its Intimacy Anorexia and Sexual Anorexia. The easiest way I can explain it to people is, at best he treats me like a roommate, at worst I am treated like the help he can't fire but wishes he could. It doesn't manifest until the couple moves in together and the anorexic becomes addicted to withholding love and affection. The lengths that they will go to is almost comical. Once he had promised to have sex with me during a weekend away with friends and without the kids. He blew up over nothing and left me stranded three hours from home, coming back the next morning when it was time to check out. It was so strange too. My friends and I didn't really think he went all the way home until he called hours later from there. But he sure managed to avoid sex!

I've been told that maybe if I lost weight (I weigh what I did when we were dating and he banged the hell out me then!) he would do it, to being asked if my girl bits smell (seriously?).

Sometimes spouses of anorexics become sexual anorexics themselves and I fear this has happened with me. I no longer persue him and prefer to be wasted during our "once a month is more than sufficient" sex. That's what he told me when he was hounding me for a year to have another kid but would only have sex once a month.

I figure I'll just go elsewhere for it now, though it was strange the last time I did that. It had been so long since sex with a normal man that I had forgotten that normal people kiss, touch each others genitals, and talk to each other during sex.

You know things are screwed up in your marriage when your 82 year old grandma from the old country green lights you to have an affair, "as long as he's Italian!" Lol

I stick around because he's a great dad to our kids, though its hard sometimes seeing how open and affectionate he is with them, how he used to be with me. That's the most maddening thing about the intimacy anorexia and sexual anorexia, it's spouse specific. To everyone else, he's a great guy, and he is...to everyone else.
 
2013-05-24 12:02:07 PM

Sczi: Tom_Slick: ocd002: can't ejaculate inside her when they are trying to get pregnant.

Sex while actively trying to make a baby is the best sex.

Nah, the first few romps after getting the all-clear from your vasectomy doctor is the best sex.

/spackled her insides like I was hanging drywall


Haven't got that yet, waiting for kid number 2.
 
2013-05-24 12:05:52 PM

Krieghund: ocd002: My husband prefers porn, which has become my problem as he prefers it to real sex with me. I am considered attractive and he swears he loves me, but he avoids any intimacy with me. It's a bit of chicken or egg because I wonder if the porn made him have intimacy avoidance, or does his intimacy issues drive him to porn which is safer as there is no chance for him to be hurt?

It sounds like you guys need to get to counseling.

As a married guy, I can tell you that it's a lot easier to crank one myself after a long day than it is to have sex.

Sticking chopsticks up your butt can be an intimate act if it's done with someone you love. Anything you do with someone you love can be an intimate act.


We did do counseling with two separate counselors. The first had no clue what she was dealing with and my husband was disappointed there was no homework. The second knew exactly what he was dealing with but my husband refused to do the homework which consisted of sharing two feelings he had recently had and giving me two compliments and I did the same.

He did the homework with me once and then quit. He literally could not bring himself to say 4 sentences to me on a daily basis.

Again, I don't know if it was porn, but the more the relationship progressed, the more he pulled away emotionally and physically. Porn became something we watched together in the very beginning, to his own secret place.

I have mulled over divorce, but can find no winning party in that decision. Maybe once the kids are grown we will go that route or just live in separate houses.

Until then, I am working on not letting it bother me that much and attending S-anon meetings when I need to be with other women going through this, though I've only met 3 other women in this predicament at my group.
 
2013-05-24 12:13:48 PM

ocd002: I really worry about the effect of porn on kids. The stuff today is not the stuff we saw on our parents VHS tapes we found.

My husband prefers porn, which has become my problem as he prefers it to real sex with me. I am considered attractive and he swears he loves me, but he avoids any intimacy with me. It's a bit of chicken or egg because I wonder if the porn made him have intimacy avoidance, or does his intimacy issues drive him to porn which is safer as there is no chance for him to be hurt?


Relationship counseling.  Get some.  It sounds like you have issues, but not a run-away-quick thing going on there.  You should fix that before it gets bad.

Possibly he's become ashamed or squeamish or something.  Like there's plenty of stuff in porn that you'd never admit to enjoying because it's just freaky or strange; or it's stuff you enjoy watching but would never want to do.  That can make sex seem disturbing, and physical intimacy seem frightening; better enjoyed at a distance at that point.

The only way to find out is to drag him out with you to get some support.  Both of you.
 
2013-05-24 12:15:19 PM

Gaseous Anomaly: ocd002: think of what would happen if you are rewiring your brain to some of the crazy shiat out there

It seems to me (though I haven't a view of the whole porn universe so I don't know how generally applicable this is) that amateur stuff (e.g. Youporn) has been getting pretty popular online. That has some upsides, e.g. the watchers get more used to how "normal-looking" people look and behave in bed, as opposed to plasticy porn-star types.

ocd002: Not to mention the sexual issues that arise (or don't!) if you masturbate to porn a lot. Guys lose erections because the woman doesn't feel like their hand or can't ejaculate inside her when they are trying to get pregnant.

Dan Savage has great advice I think all teenage boys should read, on this subject. He advocates wanking with a light tough (to avoid the former issue) and to vary one's self-love routines (so as not to train oneself to need specific stimuli to get off).


Amateur porn is definitely a notch above for that aspect, and I adore Dan Savage and agree with that thought.

Masturbation is a good thing, it kept me a virgin until I was ready to have sex. I agree with Dan Savage and from a woman's standpoint, I do notice that using a hitachi magic wand will deaden things down there if used too often.

Porn in and of itself isn't bad, but if someone is refusing their partner in favor of porn, that's a problem.

This hit a little too close to home lol. http://m.flickr.com/#/photos/59427124@N03/5499020148/
 
2013-05-24 12:20:31 PM
Also:  Your girly bits DO smell.  I don't spend a lot of time physically around people; and modern society is determined to make folks shower all the damn time and wear antiperspirants.  I'm firmly not used to the smell of a person's skin, much less of specific parts of people that produce different chemical compositions.  I can walk into a college class after 3-4 classes and identify who's gotten to class and slipped out for a smoke so far by the smell of their sweat hanging in the air--each individual person smells different, and I can tell who's who by that.

Spending my whole life isolated has had... terrible effects.  Porn doesn't have weird smells, porn is easier than real sex.  I wonder if your husband spends so much time wanking to porn that it's a shock to find out sex fills the air with thick, heady vagina.
 
2013-05-24 12:30:50 PM

Voiceofreason01: What the fark!? What's there to "keep up with"? You need to be having frank and honest discussions with these kids before their of an age where they're online looking at this stuff. No more pearl clutching, no more decrying the "lack of morals of the current generation", cut the bullshiat and be parents to these kids. You're adults. It's your god damned job.



When my son was seven we were sitting watching television (I'm sure Nickelodeon) and he just turns to me and says out of no where, "Ok Daddy, I know that GOD put me in Mommy's stomach so that's how we are related, but what did you do?" LOL. He had heard a few things on the playground and he was tired of being in the dark about it, so I turned off the TV and went into it all. Penis, vagina, sperm, egg, etc. He listened quietly and when I was done, after taking a few secconds to take it all in he says, "Sounds nasty. You did that to Mommy? Ewww." He then popped up with a follow up question that I wasn't really ready for. "So, how long do you have to do it before you get the woman pregnant?" I could have told him two strokes, but I was trying to look out for my future daughter in law, so I responded in a way that I hope I won't grow to regret. Whenever he asked a question that I didn't know th answer too I would instinctively tell him to look it up on the internet. I told him to do that...then I realized I had just told my kid to look up sex on the internet.

/Had to keep him away from the computer for a couple of days just to be sure
 
2013-05-24 12:31:38 PM

bluefoxicy: ocd002: I really worry about the effect of porn on kids. The stuff today is not the stuff we saw on our parents VHS tapes we found.

My husband prefers porn, which has become my problem as he prefers it to real sex with me. I am considered attractive and he swears he loves me, but he avoids any intimacy with me. It's a bit of chicken or egg because I wonder if the porn made him have intimacy avoidance, or does his intimacy issues drive him to porn which is safer as there is no chance for him to be hurt?

Relationship counseling.  Get some.  It sounds like you have issues, but not a run-away-quick thing going on there.  You should fix that before it gets bad.

Possibly he's become ashamed or squeamish or something.  Like there's plenty of stuff in porn that you'd never admit to enjoying because it's just freaky or strange; or it's stuff you enjoy watching but would never want to do.  That can make sex seem disturbing, and physical intimacy seem frightening; better enjoyed at a distance at that point.

The only way to find out is to drag him out with you to get some support.  Both of you.


We went that route, twice. He refuses now so at this point I'm just working on myself.

I guess if I wanted to force the issue, I could take the kids and leave, but then that is subjecting them to our marital issues by uprooting them.
 
2013-05-24 01:07:07 PM
Sometimes when an intimate partner no longer has a sexual interest in you, it's because they have fallen out of love or just don't like you anymore but don't have the guts or courtesy to admit it. You know that saying - no matter how hot she/he is, somebody is sick of their shiat.
 
2013-05-24 01:21:30 PM

ocd002: Krieghund: ocd002: My husband prefers porn, which has become my problem as he prefers it to real sex with me. I am considered attractive and he swears he loves me, but he avoids any intimacy with me. It's a bit of chicken or egg because I wonder if the porn made him have intimacy avoidance, or does his intimacy issues drive him to porn which is safer as there is no chance for him to be hurt?

It sounds like you guys need to get to counseling.

As a married guy, I can tell you that it's a lot easier to crank one myself after a long day than it is to have sex.

Sticking chopsticks up your butt can be an intimate act if it's done with someone you love. Anything you do with someone you love can be an intimate act.

We did do counseling with two separate counselors. The first had no clue what she was dealing with and my husband was disappointed there was no homework. The second knew exactly what he was dealing with but my husband refused to do the homework which consisted of sharing two feelings he had recently had and giving me two compliments and I did the same.

He did the homework with me once and then quit. He literally could not bring himself to say 4 sentences to me on a daily basis.

Again, I don't know if it was porn, but the more the relationship progressed, the more he pulled away emotionally and physically. Porn became something we watched together in the very beginning, to his own secret place.

I have mulled over divorce, but can find no winning party in that decision. Maybe once the kids are grown we will go that route or just live in separate houses.

Until then, I am working on not letting it bother me that much and attending S-anon meetings when I need to be with other women going through this, though I've only met 3 other women in this predicament at my group.


Have you considered trying to see if it isn't about the sex or you? Maybe he's depressed. Maybe it's sexual but he's turned off by your approach or level of aggressiveness.
( This happened to me... I was originally very turned on by an active partner who "knew what she wanted" but eventually it because a chore having things be all about her" and always having to be acrobatics and amazing experiences. Eventually I just wanted simplicity.)
I got depressed at one point about my job and family life and sex with her became completely un-fulfilling.
Some of it was about her, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings and I felt it was something wrong with me. Porn lets you temporarily escape from that. The core issue almost never is sex
 
2013-05-24 01:24:25 PM

DuncanMhor: It's a fair point - I have an http proxy set up at home (I'm a geek, sue me) already. My son's only 2 1/2, but he's a demon with the gadgets that are lying around. We're not prudes, but I'd like it if his introduction to human sexuality did not involve the sort of shiat that is difficult to avoid on t'interwebz.


This new generation is growing up with tablet interfaces already mastered by the time they're 3.  I never touched a computer until I was 6.  It's unknown what effect this will have on mental development.  It's not even known whether it's a good or bad thing.

There's an interesting video online of I think a 2-year-old who gets handed a magazine and starts trying to turn the pages by dragging them, because to them it's like a tablet.
 
2013-05-24 01:29:55 PM
sometimes you just gotta hack one off by yerself,
private time
 pron just makes it easier
my lass and I like to do it together a bunch
or even in the next room by skype.
rawr
I get the point about desensitizing yer mind AND yer nethers
with a constant influx of harder pron and too much fapping
so take it in moderation, people
 
2013-05-24 01:34:55 PM

ocd002: bhcompy: ocd002: My husband prefers porn, which has become my problem as he prefers it to real sex with me. I am considered attractive and he swears he loves me, but he avoids any intimacy with me. It's a bit of chicken or egg because I wonder if the porn made him have intimacy avoidance, or does his intimacy issues drive him to porn which is safer as there is no chance for him to be hurt?

I'm not making assumptions on your end, but porn is a safe outlet when you don't get the attention you'd like or your advances are consistently turned down.

My crappy depressing story bro:

In my former relationship, my spouse didn't want sex and turned down my advances constantly unless I spent the time to put them in the mood.  In order to "get in the mood" it would be a long production and the end result wasn't guaranteed.  There was never a quickie just to get your rocks off and appease your spouse temporarily, they didn't exist.

So years of fighting a losing battle trying to have a little intimacy with my spouse and consistently being denied turned my to pornography to just take care of myself.  Then comes the "why don't you pay attention to me anymore?  Aren't you attracted to me?  How come you don't come like a puppy when I offer my body to you?" stuff.  At that point, the ship has sailed and I didn't care to stress about it or put the effort in any more.  The constant let down turned me off completely.

The porn was only a symptom(and a treatment), not the cause.

I could understand his end if it went down that that with us. But we had frequent and really good sex until the day I moved in with him and it went from about 30 times a month to three times a month overnight. Now it's 15-18 times a year. I've tried everything. I've brought along another woman which he seemed to enjoy but didn't want to repeat. We have a swing club in town that I've repeatedly asked if he will go to but he refuses. We haven't shared a bedroom for over two years and I am getting rid of a big, lonely king size bed in favor of a twin sized bed like he has in his bedroom.

The counselor said its Intimacy Anorexia and Sexual Anorexia. The easiest way I can explain it to people is, at best he treats me like a roommate, at worst I am treated like the help he can't fire but wishes he could. It doesn't manifest until the couple moves in together and the anorexic becomes addicted to withholding love and affection. The lengths that they will go to is almost comical. Once he had promised to have sex with me during a weekend away with friends and without the kids. He blew up over nothing and left me stranded three hours from home, coming back the next morning when it was time to check out. It was so strange too. My friends and I didn't really think he went all the way home until he called hours later from there. But he sure managed to avoid sex!

I've been told that maybe if I lost weight (I weigh what I did when we were dating and he banged the hell out me then!) he would do it, to being asked if my girl bits smell (seriously?).

Sometimes spouses of anorexics become sexual anorexics themselves and I fear this has happened with me. I no longer persue him and prefer to be wasted during our "once a month is more than sufficient" sex. That's what he told me when he was hounding me for a year to have another kid but would only have sex once a month.

I figure I'll just go elsewhere for it now, though it was strange the last time I did that. It had been so long since sex with a normal man that I had forgotten that normal people kiss, touch each others genitals, and talk to each other during sex.

You know things are screwed up in your marriage when your 82 year old grandma from the old country green lights you to have an affair, "as long as he's Italian!" Lol

I stick around because he's a great dad to our kids, though its hard sometimes seeing how open and affectionate he is with them, how he used to be with me. That's the most maddening thing about the intimacy anorexia and sexual anorexia, it's spouse specific. To everyone else, he's a great guy, and he is...to everyone else.


Damn, girl...
 
2013-05-24 01:35:01 PM
I wonder how much what we like to blame sexual dysfunction on porn is actually due to the modern worlds' exploding levels of mental illness: depression, anxiety, their "meds" which often have sexual side effects.  And don't forget the upward-spiralling levels of obesity which effect hormone levels, can cause erectile dysfunction, etc.
 
2013-05-24 01:41:28 PM
There were supposed to be some [hugz] there, fwiw.
 
2013-05-24 01:46:41 PM
Why porn education for kids will never work:
img.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-24 01:50:12 PM
 

ocd002: ... How badly have you screwed up your libido if you are in your 40's and need Cialis to spank it to porn?


In all seriousness, this could be a medical problem.  One of the first signs of systemic damage from diabetes can be erectile dysfunction.

- bs
 
2013-05-24 01:51:07 PM

ocd002: bhcompy: ocd002: My husband prefers porn, which has become my problem as he prefers it to real sex with me. I am considered attractive and he swears he loves me, but he avoids any intimacy with me. It's a bit of chicken or egg because I wonder if the porn made him have intimacy avoidance, or does his intimacy issues drive him to porn which is safer as there is no chance for him to be hurt?

I'm not making assumptions on your end, but porn is a safe outlet when you don't get the attention you'd like or your advances are consistently turned down.

My crappy depressing story bro:

In my former relationship, my spouse didn't want sex and turned down my advances constantly unless I spent the time to put them in the mood.  In order to "get in the mood" it would be a long production and the end result wasn't guaranteed.  There was never a quickie just to get your rocks off and appease your spouse temporarily, they didn't exist.

So years of fighting a losing battle trying to have a little intimacy with my spouse and consistently being denied turned my to pornography to just take care of myself.  Then comes the "why don't you pay attention to me anymore?  Aren't you attracted to me?  How come you don't come like a puppy when I offer my body to you?" stuff.  At that point, the ship has sailed and I didn't care to stress about it or put the effort in any more.  The constant let down turned me off completely.

The porn was only a symptom(and a treatment), not the cause.

I could understand his end if it went down that that with us. But we had frequent and really good sex until the day I moved in with him and it went from about 30 times a month to three times a month overnight. Now it's 15-18 times a year. I've tried everything. I've brought along another woman which he seemed to enjoy but didn't want to repeat. We have a swing club in town that I've repeatedly asked if he will go to but he refuses. We haven't shared a bedroom for over two years and I am getting rid of a big, lonely king size bed in favor of a twin sized bed like he has in his bedroom.

The counselor said its Intimacy Anorexia and Sexual Anorexia. The easiest way I can explain it to people is, at best he treats me like a roommate, at worst I am treated like the help he can't fire but wishes he could. It doesn't manifest until the couple moves in together and the anorexic becomes addicted to withholding love and affection. The lengths that they will go to is almost comical. Once he had promised to have sex with me during a weekend away with friends and without the kids. He blew up over nothing and left me stranded three hours from home, coming back the next morning when it was time to check out. It was so strange too. My friends and I didn't really think he went all the way home until he called hours later from there. But he sure managed to avoid sex!

I've been told that maybe if I lost weight (I weigh what I did when we were dating and he banged the hell out me then!) he would do it, to being asked if my girl bits smell (seriously?).

Sometimes spouses of anorexics become sexual anorexics themselves and I fear this has happened with me. I no longer persue him and prefer to be wasted during our "once a month is more than sufficient" sex. That's what he told me when he was hounding me for a year to have another kid but would only have sex once a month.

I figure I'll just go elsewhere for it now, though it was strange the last time I did that. It had been so long since sex with a normal man that I had forgotten that normal people kiss, touch each others genitals, and talk to each other during sex.

You know things are screwed up in your marriage when your 82 year old grandma from the old country green lights you to have an affair, "as long as he's Italian!" Lol

I stick around because he's a great dad to our kids, though its hard sometimes seeing how open and affectionate he is with them, how he used to be with me. That's the most maddening thing about the intimacy anorexia and sexual anorexia, it's spouse specific. To everyone else, he's a great guy, and he is...to everyone else.


I would inform my spouse that we no longer have a monogamy agreement and I am going to seek sexual pleasure outside the relationship. I would also sit down and figure out the rules and decide whether I wanted an open relationship or polyamoury. The Ethical Slut is a good book to read for poly but can also help for open relationships
 
2013-05-24 01:51:26 PM

ocd002: bluefoxicy: ocd002: I really worry about the effect of porn on kids. The stuff today is not the stuff we saw on our parents VHS tapes we found.

My husband prefers porn, which has become my problem as he prefers it to real sex with me. I am considered attractive and he swears he loves me, but he avoids any intimacy with me. It's a bit of chicken or egg because I wonder if the porn made him have intimacy avoidance, or does his intimacy issues drive him to porn which is safer as there is no chance for him to be hurt?

Relationship counseling.  Get some.  It sounds like you have issues, but not a run-away-quick thing going on there.  You should fix that before it gets bad.

Possibly he's become ashamed or squeamish or something.  Like there's plenty of stuff in porn that you'd never admit to enjoying because it's just freaky or strange; or it's stuff you enjoy watching but would never want to do.  That can make sex seem disturbing, and physical intimacy seem frightening; better enjoyed at a distance at that point.

The only way to find out is to drag him out with you to get some support.  Both of you.

We went that route, twice. He refuses now so at this point I'm just working on myself.

I guess if I wanted to force the issue, I could take the kids and leave, but then that is subjecting them to our marital issues by uprooting them.


People in relationships can be very odd. My girlfriend tells me how her ex became so jealous and possessive that he would disable her car so she couldn't go to the grocery store without him. because nothing is as tempting a target for other men as a woman with four young children in tow.

I would suggest that the porn is a symptom, not a cause. It enables him to hide without depriving himself. I consider myself a porn addict but it feels different than you describe. My guess is that something tripped up his neurotransmitters. Did he start on antidepressants? I know Helen Fischer, who studies the biochemistry of love and attraction, has been voicing concerns for years over how certain classes of drugs can interfere in exactly the manner you mention, and that some of these drugs are now commonly found in water supplies and are not considered as pollution to be removed by the powers that be. She had been worrying that environmental contamination could disrupt some relationships in exactly the way you describe. She was also concerned that publishing her data would turn the system against her, and that she might not even find a suitable publisher or peer reviewers for it. If it isn't in a credible source then her conclusions and methodologies can be dismissed and she becomes another crackpot theorist that only is read by the homeopathy folks and that helps no one.

Another possibility is that contamination stopped and unbalanced him in this way. In other words, something chemical that had rewired his responses may be missing, leaving him without any desire for intimacy or even a fear of it.
 
2013-05-24 01:55:46 PM
Jesus, this thread has made me suddenly realize that I am a relatively well adjusted human being.  So, that's nice.
 
2013-05-24 02:12:26 PM

ocd002: I really worry about the effect of porn on kids. The stuff today is not the stuff we saw on our parents VHS tapes we found.

My husband prefers porn, which has become my problem as he prefers it to real sex with me. I am considered attractive and he swears he loves me, but he avoids any intimacy with me. It's a bit of chicken or egg because I wonder if the porn made him have intimacy avoidance, or does his intimacy issues drive him to porn which is safer as there is no chance for him to be hurt?

I have no problem with porn itself, I have been involved with it on both sides of the camera, but being in this marriage has shown me how detrimental it can be for some people. I liken it to alcohol, some of us can have a drink without a problem, some of us can't. I can't blame porn for the problems anymore than an alcoholics wife can blame the booze, but kids need to be told that a lot of what they are going to stumble upon is not real, and if they try to do those things with someone, they are going to physically, mentally, or emotionally hurt them or themselves.



--------------
Uh, Ima gonna go out on a limb and say you have OCD...bu I swear I'm not inferring that because of your login name.
If you think he has intimacy issues, why not give him a blizzow Jizzob and see how he reacts.

I had a bipolar ex who withheld sex, so I think I know how your husband feels.

In the end, internet is a lot cheaper than a date, wife, etc.
 
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