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(Slate)   Today's maddening, Fark-ready, grammatically insulting and unrealistic headline: "Lets Get Rid of Apostrophes. We Dont Need Em." Try reading that without twitching   (slate.com) divider line 98
    More: Sick, Fark, Pikes Peak, Cormac McCarthy  
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3078 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 May 2013 at 9:24 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



98 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2013-05-24 08:15:57 AM  
I read it fine, as I also hate apostrophes.
 
2013-05-24 08:20:49 AM  
What Bothers Me More Than That Is Capitalizing Every Farking Word In The Sentence.
 
2013-05-24 08:26:46 AM  
HOLY SHIAT HERE COMES AN S
 
2013-05-24 08:33:39 AM  

Walker: I read it fine, as I also hate apostrophes.


Why? What did apostrophes ever do to you?
 
2013-05-24 08:39:33 AM  
Sorry subby, that is not  nearly as annoying as people who think that pluralizing a word requires an apostrophe.
 
2013-05-24 08:41:40 AM  
Never date an apostrophe. They're often possessive.
 
2013-05-24 08:43:18 AM  
Either way Bobs gonna be pissed
 
2013-05-24 08:54:36 AM  
Well think about it.
 
2013-05-24 09:07:47 AM  
Subby should have put an apostrophe before "Em".
 
2013-05-24 09:10:59 AM  
I don't like it.  It will inhibit one's ability to type in Cockney.

/ 'ello gov'na!
 
2013-05-24 09:21:37 AM  

jehovahs witness protection: Either way Bobs gonna be pissed


www.angryflower.com
 
2013-05-24 09:25:06 AM  

Cythraul: Walker: I read it fine, as I also hate apostrophes.

Why? What did apostrophes ever do to you?


Well OK, I don't hate them as much as I hate semicolons. I refuse to even use those.
 
2013-05-24 09:27:04 AM  

nekom: What Bothers Me More Than That Is Capitalizing Every Farking Word In The Sentence.


~~~LoL i CaN tHiNk Of SoMeThInG mOrE aNnOyInG oMg~~~~
 
2013-05-24 09:27:39 AM  
At the tone, the time will be 7:30 OF THE CLOCK.

/gross
 
2013-05-24 09:27:59 AM  
Let's Get Rid of Apostrophe's. We Don't Nee'd 'Em.

FTFS.
 
2013-05-24 09:28:10 AM  
I dont get it. Whats the problem?
 
2013-05-24 09:28:11 AM  

xenophon10k: Sorry subby, that is not  nearly as annoying as people who think that pluralizing a word requires an apostrophe.


Ooooh, if you want it to be possessive, it's just "its", but if you want it to be a contraction, then it's "it apostrophe s"! Scalawag.

Any article that calls for the end of a certain type of grammatical rule or punctuation only reinforces the point that they're idiots.
 
2013-05-24 09:30:02 AM  
Lets eat Grandma
 
2013-05-24 09:30:11 AM  
It's time to end the war on apostrophes...

We don't need them.
 
2013-05-24 09:30:26 AM  
Still sobering up so I was able to read it fine.
 
2013-05-24 09:30:32 AM  
Nope.  Not twitching.

\linguist
 
2013-05-24 09:30:57 AM  
Let's G'et Ri'd o'f 'Apos'tr'o'ph'es. We' Don't N'ee'd E'm.

Is that better?
 
2013-05-24 09:32:20 AM  

AngryPanda: Any article that calls for the end of a certain type of grammatical rule or punctuation only reinforces the point that they're idiots.


Unless it's to end the rule that prohibits terminating prepositions (because English is not Latin)
 
2013-05-24 09:33:36 AM  
some cunning linguist submitted this, right?
 
2013-05-24 09:34:35 AM  
lets just get rid uv all punkchuashun and capitulz and spell evrything fonetikly frum now on
 
2013-05-24 09:35:39 AM  
bbsimg.ngfiles.com
 
2013-05-24 09:35:55 AM  

Sybarite: Never date an apostrophe. They're often possessive.


Where'd you hear that? Some atom?
 
2013-05-24 09:36:14 AM  

scottydoesntknow: jehovahs witness protection: Either way Bobs gonna be pissed

[www.angryflower.com image 600x331]


Even more relevant:

i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-24 09:36:41 AM  

Skarekrough: Lets eat Grandma


Proving commas are important.
 
2013-05-24 09:36:47 AM  
www.zappa.comwww.zappa.com

?
 
2013-05-24 09:37:13 AM  
Troll Article about how apostrophes are not necessary but uses apostrophes dozen's of times,
 
2013-05-24 09:38:31 AM  
I read the headline just fine as well.
I disagree with BOBs third incorrect' use'age:

3.Use an apostrophy whenever you want!

Even though CD, MP3, Decades, and so many other things don't need apostrophys, they look better and are often clearer to read as

CD's, MP3's, 80's.

And the It's / Its thing it stupid.  "It is" is the contraction that gets us It's, but Its is supposed to be for the possesive, while all other possisives are Bob's or Cat's.

/not saying I don't understand the rules, just saying we should be allowed to make shiat up whenever we want.
//does not apply to journalists and technical writers
 
2013-05-24 09:39:07 AM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: lets just get rid uv all punkchuashun and capitulz and spell evrything fonetikly frum now on


Approves of this idea
i1186.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-24 09:40:58 AM  

Jacob_Roberson: Pants full of macaroni!!: lets just get rid uv all punkchuashun and capitulz and spell evrything fonetikly frum now on

Approves of this idea
[i1186.photobucket.com image 850x551]


Carthage?  Mongols?  Timurids?

/come on Sept 3!
 
2013-05-24 09:42:54 AM  
Hey hey guys come on! We'll colonize space with 3D printers in private spaceships next week! Can I stay now?
 
2013-05-24 09:43:26 AM  

Snapper Carr: AngryPanda: Any article that calls for the end of a certain type of grammatical rule or punctuation only reinforces the point that they're idiots.

Unless it's to end the rule that prohibits terminating prepositions (because English is not Latin)


The funny thing about that is when I was in college (like 5 years ago) they taught us that that particular rule was dead. The most grammar I ever learned was not in grade school, it was in college.
 
rxs
2013-05-24 09:43:27 AM  
Wait whats an apostrophe Do you mean an Up-Comma.
 
2013-05-24 09:43:40 AM  

abb3w: Well think about it.


Ill think about it too.
 
2013-05-24 09:45:23 AM  

croesius: [www.zappa.com image 150x213][www.zappa.com image 150x213]

?


Seriously, it's the crux of the biscuit.
 
2013-05-24 09:47:32 AM  

AngryPanda: xenophon10k: Sorry subby, that is not  nearly as annoying as people who think that pluralizing a word requires an apostrophe.

Ooooh, if you want it to be possessive, it's just "its", but if you want it to be a contraction, then it's "it apostrophe s"! Scalawag.

Any article that calls for the end of a certain type of grammatical rule or punctuation only reinforces the point that they're idiots.


Shouldn't you be at lunch?  I heard AngryPandas eat, shoots, and leaves.
 
2013-05-24 09:49:01 AM  
As a trade off, can we start using ~ more? Look at how festive it is! ~!
 
2013-05-24 09:50:59 AM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-05-24 09:53:17 AM  

GypsyJoker: Nope.  Not twitching.

\linguist


Are you cunning?
 
2013-05-24 09:54:09 AM  

Walker: Cythraul: Walker: I read it fine, as I also hate apostrophes.

Why? What did apostrophes ever do to you?

Well OK, I don't hate them as much as I hate semicolons. I refuse to even use those.


Apostrophes are great; semicolons are even better.
 
2013-05-24 09:54:50 AM  

Quantum Apostrophe: Hey hey guys come on! We'll colonize space with 3D printers in private spaceships next week! Can I stay now?


QA, can I have a word with you in my office?
 
2013-05-24 09:56:13 AM  
Sadly, it's completely irrelevant, as that headline was still far more intelligible than nearly anything that gets posted on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, news media websites, or pretty much anywhere large numbers of people can type comments freely mash the keyboard with their ham-fists.
 
2013-05-24 09:59:31 AM  

Dave and the Mission: AngryPanda: xenophon10k: Sorry subby, that is not  nearly as annoying as people who think that pluralizing a word requires an apostrophe.

Ooooh, if you want it to be possessive, it's just "its", but if you want it to be a contraction, then it's "it apostrophe s"! Scalawag.

Any article that calls for the end of a certain type of grammatical rule or punctuation only reinforces the point that they're idiots.

Shouldn't you be at lunch?  I heard AngryPandas eat, shoots, and leaves.


:D
 
2013-05-24 10:00:12 AM  
My  girlfriend's daughter writes everything with no punctuation or sentence breaks, etc.  It's so tiring to read, and ultimately unrewarding, that I just don't bother.
 
2013-05-24 10:05:06 AM  
www.dudelol.com

img508.imageshack.us

old and tiresome - it's fark not your eighth grade thesis paper - go hang out at the OWL if you feel unclean.
 
2013-05-24 10:07:16 AM  
Slate exists to troll random groups for pagehits, what do you expect? If this gets a lot of hits, they'll have a followup.

That said, there's obviously no point in having an apostrophe - or even most vowels - if you can puzzle out the pronunciation of a word. You've all seen the experiments where you can read words that have most of their letters replaced by random alternates. What they do is break up words to create an easily identifiable visual pattern that lets you read more quickly, like many of our quirky little written semantics, something the article never touched on. That's why you read Youtube comments more slowly than Fark comments. (Well, your brain goes into shock and core dumps the first few attempts, too.)

Remove apostrophes, reading slows down. Like having a few beers, bad writing makes you dumber.
 
2013-05-24 10:09:40 AM  

Quantum Apostrophe: Hey hey guys come on! We'll colonize space with 3D printers in private spaceships next week! Can I stay now?


Who the fark invited TechnoBevets to the thread?
 
2013-05-24 10:11:27 AM  
Peepl hoo right good our snob's anywhat's, 'so hoo care's? I dont reed and im 'so prowd to bee a ideeot. The'se 'stoopid eleet's and there roolz.

Gots too go. Buk burning partie's about too 'start
 
2013-05-24 10:12:22 AM  

Khellendros: Quantum Apostrophe: Hey hey guys come on! We'll colonize space with 3D printers in private spaceships next week! Can I stay now?

Who the fark invited TechnoBevets to the thread?


You mean "TechnoBevet's"?
 
2013-05-24 10:13:54 AM  

Khellendros: Quantum Apostrophe: Hey hey guys come on! We'll colonize space with 3D printers in private spaceships next week! Can I stay now?

Who the fark invited TechnoBevets to the thread?


Oh, sorry, didn't realize this was your private web site. So sorry. I'll let you curl back into self-sucking position.
 
2013-05-24 10:14:28 AM  

abb3w: Well think about it.


You did that on purpose with Well, didn't you :D
 
2013-05-24 10:15:57 AM  
Perhaps we could compromise, and just get rid of apostrophes in Sci Fi and fantasy names?
 
2013-05-24 10:16:10 AM  

Quantum Apostrophe: Khellendros: Quantum Apostrophe: Hey hey guys come on! We'll colonize space with 3D printers in private spaceships next week! Can I stay now?

Who the fark invited TechnoBevets to the thread?

Oh, sorry, didn't realize this was your private web site. So sorry. I'll let you curl back into self-sucking position.


ALL HAIL TECHNOBEVETS.
 
2013-05-24 10:16:28 AM  
Its its thats the problem. Removing the apostrophe from its makes its seem like its, which of course creates its own confusion. But there are ways to distinguish its from its and its time, oh its coming.

personally i feel like pselling and grammer and periods commas etc are totally unececsary @this time its so ez to distingsh words when u know teh context
 
2013-05-24 10:17:20 AM  
The crux of the biscuit.....is the apostrophe

pixhost.me
 
2013-05-24 10:20:53 AM  

SovietCanuckistan: GypsyJoker: Nope.  Not twitching.

\linguist

Are you cunning?


Most definitely.
 
2013-05-24 10:27:41 AM  

Cythraul: Walker: I read it fine, as I also hate apostrophes.

Why? What did apostrophes ever do to you?


Shiat in every space related thread?
 
2013-05-24 10:29:00 AM  
I DON SEE WHATS WRONG WIT DAT YOU ALL HAVE TOO MUCH SCHOOL

JUS TIPE HOWEVER PEOPEL GETS IT
 
2013-05-24 10:29:59 AM  

bdub77: Its its thats the problem. Removing the apostrophe from its makes its seem like its, which of course creates its own confusion. But there are ways to distinguish its from its and its time, oh its coming.

personally i feel like pselling and grammer and periods commas etc are totally unececsary @this time its so ez to distingsh words when u know teh context


All posts will now be round-tripped through German, French, and Chinese via Google Translate.

/Currently, all items will return in German, French, Chinese through via Google Translate.
//Huh, more legible than expected, GT is getting better.
 
2013-05-24 10:32:22 AM  

Khellendros: ALL HAIL TECHNOBEVETS.


Don't talk with your mouth full.
 
2013-05-24 10:33:02 AM  
That's OK, m'lady -- For ev'ry apostrophe ye' don't use, I'll use THREE.

/with apologies to Maddox
 
2013-05-24 10:34:07 AM  

Nappy Imus: You did that on purpose


img.fark.com.
 
2013-05-24 10:34:34 AM  

AngryPanda: The funny thing about that is when I was in college (like 5 years ago) they taught us that that particular rule was dead. The most grammar I ever learned was not in grade school, it was in college.


Actually, I'm not sure it was ever a real rule outside the fevered minds of pedantic sixth-grade teachers and the pupils who were interested in grammar enough to remember what they were taught.

However, sometimes a preposition at the end of the sentence is redundant: "Where is it at?"


foxyshadis: That said, there's obviously no point in having an apostrophe - or even most vowels - if you can puzzle out the pronunciation of a word.


But that's the problem. The reader shouldn't have to "puzzle it out." You want the meaning to come across immediately.
 
2013-05-24 10:38:59 AM  
"We Don't Need Em"? But them my name would be ichael!
 
2013-05-24 10:41:19 AM  

Cythraul: Walker: I read it fine, as I also hate apostrophes.

Why? What did apostrophes ever do to you?


You don't want to know. It was a catastrophe. You may even say...a catapostrophe.

*Puts on sunglasses*
 
2013-05-24 10:49:13 AM  

Secret Agent X23: foxyshadis: That said, there's obviously no point in having an apostrophe - or even most vowels - if you can puzzle out the pronunciation of a word.

But that's the problem. The reader shouldn't have to "puzzle it out." You want the meaning to come across immediately.


Which is what the rest of my post said!
 
2013-05-24 10:49:27 AM  
I firmly believe the underlying cause for the American Revolution was the British calling apostrophes "inverted commas."
 
2013-05-24 10:52:53 AM  

foxyshadis: Secret Agent X23: foxyshadis: That said, there's obviously no point in having an apostrophe - or even most vowels - if you can puzzle out the pronunciation of a word.

But that's the problem. The reader shouldn't have to "puzzle it out." You want the meaning to come across immediately.

Which is what the rest of my post said!


Point taken. I jumped the gun there.
 
2013-05-24 11:32:16 AM  
Get rid of apostrophes?
Dem is fightin words!
 
2013-05-24 11:45:32 AM  
Without apostrophes, my favorite contractions would lose all their visual punch

weren'tn't
who'd've
couldn't've
 
2013-05-24 11:51:16 AM  
ur right y not get rid of capitals while ur at it
 
2013-05-24 11:53:51 AM  
I read that just fine. Maybe that's because I'm not an uptight coont.
 
2013-05-24 12:10:23 PM  
I read it just fine because Im an intelligent human being that can parse things.

Rigid grammar isnt just wrong its stupid. Its a terrible way to represent spoken language, its often insufficient for written language and half the rules are completely unnecessary. Loosen the fark up.
 
2013-05-24 12:21:52 PM  
meh, im fine with dropping the need for them 100% of the time. theyre useful when the lack of one is actually another word like we're/were.  but turning that article into a 2-pager?  thats the real catostrophe.
 
2013-05-24 12:38:38 PM  
But how will we write Klingon?
 
2013-05-24 12:59:45 PM  

foxyshadis: Slate exists to troll random groups for pagehits, what do you expect? If this gets a lot of hits, they'll have a followup.

That said, there's obviously no point in having an apostrophe - or even most vowels - if you can puzzle out the pronunciation of a word. You've all seen the experiments where you can read words that have most of their letters replaced by random alternates. What they do is break up words to create an easily identifiable visual pattern that lets you read more quickly, like many of our quirky little written semantics, something the article never touched on. That's why you read Youtube comments more slowly than Fark comments. (Well, your brain goes into shock and core dumps the first few attempts, too.)

Remove apostrophes, reading slows down. Like having a few beers, bad writing makes you dumber.


But if that's true, then that could create a vicious cycle in which ...... I think I understand YouTube now.
 
2013-05-24 01:04:56 PM  

Zombalupagus: ur right y not get rid of capitals while ur at it


There are plenty of alphabets that don't have capital letters (or to put it another way, have only a single case).  Devanagri (Hindi) and Hungul (Korean) are two examples.  The only real problem seems to be when a proper noun occurs in a sentence, and Korean solves that by using quotation marks around a word to indicate it's a proper noun, whereas English uses capitalization for the same purpose.
 
2013-05-24 01:16:17 PM  

TheOriginalEd: I read it just fine because Im an intelligent human being that can parse things.


As foxyshadis pointed out, it's about more than eventually understanding what's written. I don't have any big opinion about the apostrophe in "don't", since "dont" is readable and can't be confused for another word (even if it looks funny because it's not what I'm used to). But compare "can't" and "cant", "id" and "I'd", or "we'll" and "well", for a few examples where leaving out the apostrophe makes the reader have to go back and decided which you must mean.

But even for the cases where leaving one out doesn't turn your contraction into a real word, they still help people to be able to read what you wrote quickly and clearly, and there's value in that.

Writing is a way of getting ideas across. Good writing is getting them across with minimal pain on the reader's part.
 
2013-05-24 01:33:52 PM  
Behind the door, the night before, the leprechaun had stroked it...
 
2013-05-24 02:07:15 PM  
www.aerojockey.com
 
2013-05-24 04:04:19 PM  
Please, if there's anything that should be removed from the English language, it's the letter "X". It's redundant and often confusing, it's only really useful for words like "X-Ray."

/Xylophone should be spelled "zylophone"
 
2013-05-24 04:16:55 PM  

RevMark: I read that just fine. Maybe that's because I'm not an uptight coont.


No, as far as I can see you're not uptight.
 
2013-05-24 04:32:52 PM  

TheOriginalEd: I read it just fine because Im an intelligent human being that can parse things.

Rigid grammar isnt just wrong its stupid. Its a terrible way to represent spoken language, its often insufficient for written language and half the rules are completely unnecessary. Loosen the fark up.


You saying you "read it just fine" is the intellectual equivalent of calling a small object light.  It would be like if I asked you which of two small objects were heavier, and you picked them up, found them both to be very light, and  and concluded that they both weighed the same.  That's fine for some purposes, but if in fact one weighs twice as much as the other, you're inability to tell the difference between them doesn't mean you're correct.

What you fail to understand about language is that, much like biological evolution, it's a kind of trade-off between different needs. Essentially  English, like every other natural language, is the product of a negotiation between what is best (easiest, fastest, most convenient) for the speaker and what is best for the listener.  They both want the same main thing: to exchange some piece of information, but it's a task the speaker and the listener perform together, and they split the work involved between them.

Getting rid of apostrophes would make the writer's job easier but the reader's task harder.   That by itself doesn't make the idea bad, but it does mean we should consider whether the benefits really outweigh the costs.  I'm inclined to think that, from a utilitarian point of view, the costs to the readers will almost always be greater than any benefit for the simple fact that so many things written have multiple readers but only a single author.

I also find it telling that you call something "stupid" which you most likely do not comprehend.
 
2013-05-24 04:50:33 PM  
FTA: Apostrophes "consume considerable time and resources" and, according to the website, "Tremendous amounts of money are spent every year by businesses on proof readers, part of whose job it is to put apostrophes in the 'correct' place-to no semantic effect whatsoever."
1.bp.blogspot.com

/next they'll tell us to write "alot" because the extra space makes no difference
 
2013-05-24 05:01:14 PM  
wedontreallyneedpunctuationorspacesbetweenwordseitherthinkhowmuchmoree fficientlywecouldtypewithoutthem

/ouch
 
2013-05-24 05:02:55 PM  
The Sea Cap'n's Bait 'n Barg'n B'n

C'mon 'n, we're op'n
 
2013-05-24 05:18:55 PM  

ciberido: Zombalupagus: ur right y not get rid of capitals while ur at it

There are plenty of alphabets that don't have capital letters (or to put it another way, have only a single case).  Devanagri (Hindi) and Hungul (Korean) are two examples.  The only real problem seems to be when a proper noun occurs in a sentence, and Korean solves that by using quotation marks around a word to indicate it's a proper noun, whereas English uses capitalization for the same purpose.


You're a much more tolerant person than me if you can read that line I wrote and not want to retch. I have a friend who writes like that online, and I mean in forums not just 140 character stuff. At least he uses line breaks and punctuation as opposed to just a wall-o-text.

He also uses 'b' instead of 'be'.  Which I guess is okay if you want to sacrifice readability for the effort of typing one whole keystroke. That crap was fine when we were texting on 10-key cellphones. But nowadays it just makes you look like an uneducated 14 year old with ADHD.
 
2013-05-24 05:31:38 PM  
articl refs ideas doubleplusungood
 
2013-05-24 06:02:33 PM  
Do you guys remember when people said TXTing was going to destroy the language?


They were right.

/who saw that coming?
 
2013-05-24 06:49:49 PM  
Watching out for improper usage of the apostrophe is useful in quickly cutting through large stacks of job applications.
 
2013-05-24 07:30:38 PM  

Zombalupagus: ciberido: Zombalupagus: ur right y not get rid of capitals while ur at it

There are plenty of alphabets that don't have capital letters (or to put it another way, have only a single case).  Devanagri (Hindi) and Hungul (Korean) are two examples.  The only real problem seems to be when a proper noun occurs in a sentence, and Korean solves that by using quotation marks around a word to indicate it's a proper noun, whereas English uses capitalization for the same purpose.

You're a much more tolerant person than me if you can read that line I wrote and not want to retch. I have a friend who writes like that online, and I mean in forums not just 140 character stuff. At least he uses line breaks and punctuation as opposed to just a wall-o-text.

He also uses 'b' instead of 'be'.  Which I guess is okay if you want to sacrifice readability for the effort of typing one whole keystroke. That crap was fine when we were texting on 10-key cellphones. But nowadays it just makes you look like an uneducated 14 year old with ADHD.



I didn't realize you meant it as parody.  I've gotten used to seeing enough things written in that manner that it hardly bothers me like it used to.  Honestly, I'm not sure I even noticed the substitutions such as y=why.

I guess it's a grammatical corollary to Poe's Law.
 
2013-05-24 09:03:48 PM  
www.bvvp.com
 
2013-05-24 10:07:03 PM  
This thread is giving me a headache.
 
2013-05-25 01:42:34 AM  

SlimXx: [www.bvvp.com image 850x637]


I'll see your unnecessary apostrophes and raise you The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks.
 
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