************EMERGENCY SPIDER SYSTEM (ESS) ACTIVATED************A SEVERE HORRIFYING SPIDER WARNING HAS BEEN ISSUED FOR FARK THREAD# 7764784 AT 9:40 AM ON FRIDAY, MAY 24TH, 2013..THIS WARNING CONFIRMS THE SIGHTING OF ARACHNIDS THAT WILL BE SURE TO EITHER KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP OR INVADE YOUR DREAMS AND CAUSE VOMITING, HEART ATTACKS, STROKE, AND/OR SOILED PANTS.REMAIN CALM. SEEK SHELTER IMMEDIATELY AND/OR FIND WEAPONS THAT CAN TERMINATE HORRIFYING SPIDERS. APPROVED WEAPONS INCLUDE FLAMETHROWERS, OLD SHOES, NAPALM, COLLEGE ORGANIC CHEMISTRY TEXTBOOKS, OR NUCLEAR MISSILES. FIND THE NEAREST WEAPON, AND REPEATEDLY SMASH THE SPIDER UNTIL IT IS COMPLETELY FLATTENED AND HAS STOPPED MOVING/TWITCHING. IF YOU CANNOT PERFORM THIS TASK, FIND THE NEAREST NON-PUSSY TO DO IT FOR YOU.ONCE THE SPIDER IS DESTROYED, USE NUCLEAR MISSILES AND/OR GASOLINE WITH A MATCH TO BURN THE BODY, TO MAKE SURE THE SPIDER IS DOWN FOR GOOD. NAPALM IS ALSO ACCEPTABLE. REMOVE THE ASHES WITH A VACUUM CLEANER, AND MAKE SURE YOU CAUTERIZE THE VACUUM CLEANER JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE.THIS CONCLUDES THE ESS EMERGENCY BROADCAST******END TRANSMISSION*********
Smoking GNU: thecpt: I saw a bee come in through the diffuser last night and I couldn't care less. I saw a spider on top of the kitchen cabinet last week. I was judge Judy and executioner and quicker than you can say get the ladder, boom flip flop throw for the killSpiders are not a problem for me. Wasps and hornets, however, get me running from the room post haste. I have a (probably irrational) fear that the will sting me in my eyes.And our garden is full of wasps.
Smoking GNU: Wasps and hornets, however, get me running from the room post haste. I have a (probably irrational) fear that the will sting me in my eyes.And our garden is full of wasps.
Vermicious Knids: I_C_Weener: Vermicious Knids: I_C_Weener:I hate you a lot right now.Heh. Just know I stole that so the spelling error is not mineAlso, some background on my kneejerk response: I was drinking a soda from McDonald's when I saw that pic. McDonald's has opaque straws. I seriously had to stop drinking my Diet Coke and check the straw. :D
I_C_Weener: Vermicious Knids: I_C_Weener:I hate you a lot right now.Heh. Just know I stole that so the spelling error is not mine
GO AHEAD... WALK AROUND BAREFOOT
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