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(USA Today)   Nine-year-old girl asks McDonald's CEO why he forces kids to eat at McDonald's. Oh, and her mother is a "nutritional activist"   (usatoday.com ) divider line
    More: Stupid, Mcdonald, shareholders' meeting, CEO Don Thompson, mothers  
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9129 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 May 2013 at 5:34 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-05-23 11:37:08 PM  
22 votes:
It's true. Don Thompson showed up at my door just the other day. He said he was going to robble the place. I suspected that he was going to try to sell me encyclopedias instead, so I wouldn't let him in. When I assured that he was just going to robble robble, I relented. Instead, for the next five hours, he tied me to a chair and played Ludwig Von Beethoven while shoving hamburgers into my gob. It was like "A Clockwork Orange," but with sesame seeds.

After the fifth hour, he stopped and growled at me. "Where are your kids?!"

When I informed him my wife and I had no children, he howled with rage and kicked over my television. Then he suddenly became placid and docile, untying me and helping me to my feet.

"I'm terribly sorry," he offered. "I only forcefeed children. I had assumed you had kids. Is this [address redacted]?]"

Spitting out a pickle slice, I shook my head. I felt like I was going to throw up. "No. That's... that's three blocks over."

"Damn," he said, lighting up a cigarette. I don't usually allow smoking in my place, but this time I didn't say anything. I was partially afraid he'd get riled up again, and I also kind of felt sorry for him.

"It's these parents. They don't realize they can just tell their little booger-biters, 'no, I'm not taking you to McDonald's.' So I have to find one or two kids in each neighborhood and fatten them up a bit."

Between between deep breaths, I uttered, "Uh... and this gets the other parents to say 'no?'"

He laughed. His spirits were suddenly up. "Quite the contrary, my now-rotund friend. It gets them to say yes. Their kids don't want to be the only ones on the block without a tummy full of my fatty foods. Profits are up. But do you know something? I don't do it for the profit. I don't do it because I hate kids. I do it for world peace."

Even though I was getting nauseous enough to ruin his hush-puppies with recycled McFood, I mustered the energy to look inquisitive.

"Oh, everyone always gives me that look," he laughed. "Think about it. Eventually you and I know there's going to be another draft. How can there not be? The military is already spread all over hell-and-back. But who's going to draft a nation full of fatties?"

Suddenly I noticed his eye was doing that twitchy thing, and his grin was a bit too toothy. As I felt myself about to heave, a pain shot through my left shoulder. I looked in horror to see a hypodermic needle.

As I drifted off to slumber, Don said, "I'm sorry again for the mix-up. I've got a crack team of surgeons coming over here to get all of that out of you. You'll be back to your old self in no time."

I awoke with a barely-visible surgery scar in my abdomen. In my wallet, I found a card good for "a lifetime of free McDonald's." I'm not in a hurry to use it.

So yes, Hannah. There is a Don Thompson. And as much as you might think he's a big meanie right now, you have to realize he cares about you and all of your little friends. He'd rather not see you sent to North Korea or Iran. He just wants you to enjoy a Happy Meal or seven and live a good American life.
2013-05-24 06:03:51 AM  
5 votes:
"Don Thompson, why do you make Ronald McDonald sexy enough that my mom wants to give him a hummer? Don't you care about my mom?"

www.mylifescoop.net
2013-05-24 07:11:01 AM  
4 votes:

Great Janitor: Richard C Stanford: Great Janitor: Hmmm...I've never seen anyone ever at McDonalds because the company forced them into their building.  I'm not sure "forces" is the right word.

Yesterday I was on break with a 17 year old male coworker who was telling me how I could have gotten a healthier lunch option than Jack in the Box.  I told him "Look, I'm only going to be on this Earth for one lifetime.  So I have maybe a century to enjoy all I can from it.  Now, which option sounds better, bland healthy meals with water diet and exercise and a 100 year life span, or Jack in the Box and a soda for the occasional meal, cigars, booze, exercise that is not much more than sleeping around and running away from the angry husbands of the cheating wives you bedded and a life span of much less than 100 years."  He said, "But you'll live longer not living life as a hedonistic ass."  I said "True, but I'm enjoying my life, my wife doesn't know when I get off from work and don't you have an older sister?"

Whatever fatass. In my opinion, we should round up all the hover round riding fatsos and convert them into a nutritional food like substance to distribute to third world countries.

Wow, mass murder and cannibalism, for those guilty of the crime of being fat.  Please, just stop talking, there really isn't any way I can respect you any less.


Don't be so negative. It was just a modest proposal.
2013-05-24 06:16:52 AM  
4 votes:

Great Janitor: my dad stopped me and said "I'm your mother


You must have had a confusing childhood.
2013-05-24 06:08:31 AM  
3 votes:
On break from forcing kids into the restaurant...

therealtimereport.com
2013-05-24 06:06:04 AM  
3 votes:
Hmmm...I've never seen anyone ever at McDonalds because the company forced them into their building.  I'm not sure "forces" is the right word.

Yesterday I was on break with a 17 year old male coworker who was telling me how I could have gotten a healthier lunch option than Jack in the Box.  I told him "Look, I'm only going to be on this Earth for one lifetime.  So I have maybe a century to enjoy all I can from it.  Now, which option sounds better, bland healthy meals with water diet and exercise and a 100 year life span, or Jack in the Box and a soda for the occasional meal, cigars, booze, exercise that is not much more than sleeping around and running away from the angry husbands of the cheating wives you bedded and a life span of much less than 100 years."  He said, "But you'll live longer not living life as a hedonistic ass."  I said "True, but I'm enjoying my life, my wife doesn't know when I get off from work and don't you have an older sister?"
2013-05-24 07:20:21 AM  
2 votes:
Yes this is dog:

[Well that escalated quickly.jpg]

rlv.zcache.com
2013-05-24 06:45:58 AM  
2 votes:
i1162.photobucket.com
2013-05-24 06:24:03 AM  
2 votes:

Richard C Stanford: Great Janitor: Hmmm...I've never seen anyone ever at McDonalds because the company forced them into their building.  I'm not sure "forces" is the right word.

Yesterday I was on break with a 17 year old male coworker who was telling me how I could have gotten a healthier lunch option than Jack in the Box.  I told him "Look, I'm only going to be on this Earth for one lifetime.  So I have maybe a century to enjoy all I can from it.  Now, which option sounds better, bland healthy meals with water diet and exercise and a 100 year life span, or Jack in the Box and a soda for the occasional meal, cigars, booze, exercise that is not much more than sleeping around and running away from the angry husbands of the cheating wives you bedded and a life span of much less than 100 years."  He said, "But you'll live longer not living life as a hedonistic ass."  I said "True, but I'm enjoying my life, my wife doesn't know when I get off from work and don't you have an older sister?"

Whatever fatass. In my opinion, we should round up all the hover round riding fatsos and convert them into a nutritional food like substance to distribute to third world countries.



pbs.twimg.com
2013-05-24 05:37:26 AM  
2 votes:
Whatever Mom has been feeding this kid can't be much healthier than McD's:

www.gannett-cdn.com
2013-05-24 02:27:30 AM  
2 votes:

ShawnDoc: I hate people that insist on forcing their kids to get involved in political issues that the kids are too young to understand.


feckingmorons: That kid is screwed for life.


cdn.breitbart.com
Agrees
2013-05-25 07:00:45 AM  
1 vote:
2013-05-24 04:56:47 PM  
1 vote:

hardinparamedic: Am I the only one that is stupid and nieve

... ?

Does  the spelling of the second prove the first?
:)
2013-05-24 01:59:31 PM  
1 vote:
What the CEO of McDonald's might look like:

www.supernaturalwiki.com

Look at him, taunting that boy with healthy snacks! What a monster! They're gonna ride that toy horse straight to the drive-thru at Mickey D's, and the boy will even get a consolation prize for his nightmarish ordeal!
2013-05-24 11:42:03 AM  
1 vote:
FTFA "Today I ate a rainbow"

Yea kid, and McDonalds burgers are made from slaughtered unicorns.


/go toss an Elf's salad.
2013-05-24 09:45:26 AM  
1 vote:

Rapmaster2000: [www.washingtonpost.com image 600x530]
Not that I'm blaming McDonald's for this.  They're just giving you fatties what you want.  It's smart business.


this.  Especially the sodas.  Sometimes I order a meal and get the medium size but ask for a small soda.  the medium barely fits in my cupholders or is too top heavy to hand a turn and the large, I don't need a large QUART of soda to go with a hamburger.

Lsherm: Look, McDonald's isn't the problem.  Their salads and their fruit packs don't sell as well as the Big Mac and Quarter Pounder.  Even those new "healthy" wraps they're offering are rocking over 550 calories and 20g of fat on average.

No one wants healthy fast food.  If they did, then your local wheatgrass smoothie chain would be nationwide and making billions.  If McDonald's changed to "Broccoli R Us" they'd be out of business in a year.   That isn't their fault, it's our fault.


No, its broccoli's fault for not tasting as delicious as a cow. cow-flavored soy.
2013-05-24 09:31:43 AM  
1 vote:
I bet that a lot of her birthday party invitations get lost in the mail.
2013-05-24 08:37:10 AM  
1 vote:

ShawnDoc: I hate people that insist on forcing their kids to get involved in political issues that the kids are too young to understand.


blog.nj.com
2013-05-24 08:25:59 AM  
1 vote:
www.washingtonpost.com
Not that I'm blaming McDonald's for this.  They're just giving you fatties what you want.  It's smart business.
2013-05-24 08:07:49 AM  
1 vote:
With her good nutrition, we can all look forward to many decades of her being a disrespectful little biatch.
2013-05-24 07:51:45 AM  
1 vote:
The CEO thanked Hannah for her comments, ending with this compliment, "I think it's great that you want to eat more fruits and veggies."

www.gannett-cdn.com

Then he called her a racist, food bigot.
2013-05-24 07:34:19 AM  
1 vote:
"Hannah Robertson - whose mother, Kia, is a kid's nutritional activist and creator of an interactive children's game on nutrition calledToday I Ate a Rainbow"

So that's how they get rainbows to come out of their butts.
2013-05-24 07:07:48 AM  
1 vote:

optikeye: Mc D's was around long before the epidemic of obesity in the USA. Look at pictures of the general population from the 60's and 70's and early 80's. You see very few obese people compaired to today.



Well, thats because Americans had the good sense to hide their obese from the eyes of the general public, in the basement, next to crazy Aunt Beulah.
2013-05-24 06:51:53 AM  
1 vote:
Reading fark comments on the subject of food is like reading a tea party website's comments on social justice.
2013-05-24 06:37:23 AM  
1 vote:

justoneznot: You want nutritious food, so you....go to a McDonalds shareholder meeting? Why didn't you just go to the grocery store? There's plenty of places she could find like-minded people. A shareholder's meeting for McDonalds is one of the last places I'd think to go. Don't like McDonalds? Don't go. I certainly don't, but others are free to choose to. That's what's great about having different options.


She was standing up for all the children out there that are fooled by slick advertising into wanting McDonald's.

It would be cowardly to just ignore the problem and do nothing. She wants to protect others, the way her mom protects her!
2013-05-24 06:28:31 AM  
1 vote:

Pugdaddyk: Choices...how do they farking work?


You must not have gotten the memo. Choice is only for abortion. Not for things like what you can eat, schools you can send your kid to or gun ownership.
2013-05-24 06:25:27 AM  
1 vote:

Great Janitor: Whatever fatass. In my opinion, we should round up all the hover round riding fatsos and convert them into a nutritional food like substance to distribute to third world countries.

Wow, mass murder and cannibalism, for those guilty of the crime of being fat. Please, just stop talking, there really isn't any way I can respect you any less.


And I was just going to suggest as an alternative, a nice healthy chicken sandwich from Chick-Fil-A.
2013-05-24 06:22:16 AM  
1 vote:

skinink: "Don Thompson, why do you make Ronald McDonald sexy enough that my mom wants to give him a hummer? Don't you care about my mom?"

[www.mylifescoop.net image 375x500]


s2.postimg.org
2013-05-24 06:21:06 AM  
1 vote:

Jensaarai: Great Janitor: my dad stopped me and said "I'm your mother

You must have had a confusing childhood.


My father telling me he's my mother, my mom telling me she's my father.  Uncle Bill who really wasn't an uncle.  I just found out that what my parents told me was orange was actually purple.

/or it was just a silly typo
2013-05-24 06:10:32 AM  
1 vote:

Great Janitor: Hmmm...I've never seen anyone ever at McDonalds because the company forced them into their building.  I'm not sure "forces" is the right word.

Yesterday I was on break with a 17 year old male coworker who was telling me how I could have gotten a healthier lunch option than Jack in the Box.  I told him "Look, I'm only going to be on this Earth for one lifetime.  So I have maybe a century to enjoy all I can from it.  Now, which option sounds better, bland healthy meals with water diet and exercise and a 100 year life span, or Jack in the Box and a soda for the occasional meal, cigars, booze, exercise that is not much more than sleeping around and running away from the angry husbands of the cheating wives you bedded and a life span of much less than 100 years."  He said, "But you'll live longer not living life as a hedonistic ass."  I said "True, but I'm enjoying my life, my wife doesn't know when I get off from work and don't you have an older sister?"


Whatever fatass. In my opinion, we should round up all the hover round riding fatsos and convert them into a nutritional food like substance to distribute to third world countries.
2013-05-24 05:58:08 AM  
1 vote:

BarkingUnicorn: Whatever Mom has been feeding this kid can't be much healthier than McD's:

[www.gannett-cdn.com image 534x401]


The actual food, or the poison she feeds her kid's head?
2013-05-24 05:55:38 AM  
1 vote:
A couple weeks ago, one of my coworkers was biatching about how his toddler acts when he sees the golden arches. He starts calling out for french fries and screeches for at least 20 minutes if his parents don't stop. They've learned to distract him before they get anywhere near Mickey D's and hate the chain now.
2013-05-24 05:52:56 AM  
1 vote:

hardinparamedic: Am I the only one that is stupid and nieve enough to think that this was totally real and not staged in the least by some douchebag of a mother?


The question is am I stupid enough to believe what you just said is a real question?
: D
2013-05-24 05:51:06 AM  
1 vote:
Lol, poor little kid being used as a TOOL by her own mother! She's lucky she wasn't born in a poor country, otherwise her mother might have sold her to prostitution or slave trade.
2013-05-24 05:43:34 AM  
1 vote:
Her mother put her up to this... obvious. Just another activist getting their kids to do their dirty work.
2013-05-24 05:37:24 AM  
1 vote:
4.bp.blogspot.com

You mean coitus?
2013-05-24 12:37:17 AM  
1 vote:
Am I the only one that is stupid and nieve enough to think that this was totally real and not staged in the least by some douchebag of a mother?
2013-05-23 11:50:25 PM  
1 vote:
What an extremely well-coached snowflake angel!
2013-05-23 11:08:01 PM  
1 vote:
That kid is screwed for life.
 
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