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(The Atlantic)   Same-sex married couples can teach straight married couples a lot - first, know how you remember every single real or imaginary mistake your spouse has ever made, and hold it over them until the end of time? Stop that   (theatlantic.com) divider line 131
    More: Obvious, same-sex marriages, Hanna Rosin, UCLA School of Law, median age, lesbian couples, same-sex couples, sexual revolution, Repo Men  
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4754 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 May 2013 at 2:19 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-23 02:21:35 PM  
I don't believe it, quick someone tape the cracks shut on the door...gay is seeping in and it might ruin my family!
 
2013-05-23 02:22:08 PM  
..chuckle.. yea
good luck with that
 
2013-05-23 02:22:24 PM  
Oh god, please stop that.

I tend to remember the good things about my relationship, while my gf remembers every little thing I've done wrong.

I wanted to get her that "Elephants never forget, and they never forgive" T-Shirt, but I'm sure that would go over like a lead balloon.
 
2013-05-23 02:23:21 PM  
Yeah right. Humans are humans, whether gay, straight, or miscellaneous.
 
2013-05-23 02:24:08 PM  
know how you remember every single real or imaginary mistake your spouse has ever made, and hold it over them until the end of time? Stop that

Conservatives where right! Gay marriage is destroying traditional marriage!
 
2013-05-23 02:24:29 PM  
Amazing advice.  The kind they put as filler in every womans magazine ever.
 
2013-05-23 02:24:49 PM  
You want me to put my finger and/or tongue wherever. That's great. I'm strait and gods forbid I know how to listen to people.

/die cisscum and all that
 
2013-05-23 02:25:07 PM  
Could it be that a large portion of gay couples are still newlyweds?

Let's check in again in like 30 years.
 
2013-05-23 02:26:43 PM  
Oh thank God for the gays. I had this relationship thing all wrong.
 
2013-05-23 02:27:11 PM  
Isn't that what the kids are for?
 
2013-05-23 02:27:42 PM  
know how you remember every single real or imaginary mistake your spouse has ever made, and hold it over them until the end of time? Stop that

If you don't think same-sex couples have that problem, or other problems of their own making, I'd like to introduce you to my daughter and daughter-in-law.
 
2013-05-23 02:28:46 PM  
how to lose weight:

taking lipozene

and diet and exercise.

/skip the lipozene

//impressive advice. I will be lining my birdcage with it.
 
2013-05-23 02:30:14 PM  

Famous Thamas: Oh god, please stop that.

I tend to remember the good things about my relationship, while my gf remembers every little thing I've done wrong.


Hear, hear. Honestly, is there ANY remedy for this, besides a divorce? I love my wife, but that is the ONE attribute I cannot get past.
 
2013-05-23 02:30:36 PM  
I'm not exactly a scientist by any stretch of the imagination but, aren't things like 'which people are happier with whatever' completely and utterly subjective and therefore useless for comaprative data?
 
2013-05-23 02:30:43 PM  
The secret to long term gay relationships lasting: Three Ways. Lots and lots of three ways.
 
2013-05-23 02:32:43 PM  
I would imagine gay couples have the exact same issues that straight couples do. The only difference is that they're probably less likely to have kids, and so therefore have enough sex to forget all the ticky-tack bullshiat that starts the stupid fights that come from living in proximity with someone forever.
 
2013-05-23 02:36:02 PM  
My wife of 15 years recently discovered she's a lesbian.  Now we're divorcing and she's pursuing a relationship with a gay woman, and I feel so bad for whoever ends up getting stuck with my soon-to-be ex.  No matter what her sexual orientation is, she's a nagging, difficult person and no one should be subjected to living with her for the rest of their life.
 
2013-05-23 02:39:58 PM  

The Silver Mullet: Famous Thamas: Oh god, please stop that.

I tend to remember the good things about my relationship, while my gf remembers every little thing I've done wrong.

Hear, hear. Honestly, is there ANY remedy for this, besides a divorce? I love my wife, but that is the ONE attribute I cannot get past.


Trust me, divorce is no remedy to that BS.
 
2013-05-23 02:40:50 PM  

Marshall Willenholly: My wife of 15 years recently discovered she's a lesbian.  Now we're divorcing and she's pursuing a relationship with a gay woman, and I feel so bad for whoever ends up getting stuck with my soon-to-be ex.  No matter what her sexual orientation is, she's a nagging, difficult person and no one should be subjected to living with her for the rest of their life.


I'm sorry and congratulations?
 
2013-05-23 02:41:35 PM  
FTA
All told, this has created an unstable system of what the UCLA sociologist Suzanne Bianchi calls "partnering and repartnering,"

my law school professor had a much cooler term for it:

serial bigamy
 
2013-05-23 02:42:46 PM  

Cagey B: I would imagine gay couples have the exact same issues that straight couples do. The only difference is that they're probably less likely to have kids, and so therefore have enough sex to forget all the ticky-tack bullshiat that starts the stupid fights that come from living in proximity with someone forever.


The other difference, as the article notes, is that gay couples don't have a gender-based power inequality. There aren't thousands of various subconscious influences saying "put your foot down, you're the man!" or "he's not listening to you, because he thinks you're 'just a woman'," so any conflicts are inherently more egalitarian.
 
2013-05-23 02:44:52 PM  
Anytime something shiatty happens, my wife and I smoke enough weed to completely forget it.  Works great.  We also do the same thing when watching TV shows so that every time we rewatch the program it is like watching it for the first time.

Weed: The miracle plant that cures cancer, saves marriages, and makes television much more watchable.


/we don't really get into many arguments though...probably wouldn't recommend weed for that
//maybe 4 arguments in 6 years
///doinitrite
 
2013-05-23 02:45:57 PM  

Theaetetus: Cagey B: I would imagine gay couples have the exact same issues that straight couples do. The only difference is that they're probably less likely to have kids, and so therefore have enough sex to forget all the ticky-tack bullshiat that starts the stupid fights that come from living in proximity with someone forever.

The other difference, as the article notes, is that gay couples don't have a gender-based power inequality. There aren't thousands of various subconscious influences saying "put your foot down, you're the man!" or "he's not listening to you, because he thinks you're 'just a woman'," so any conflicts are inherently more egalitarian.


Hey, guys, remember when there weren't the gays?!?!?! Alexander the Great was totally for the book that existed a mellinia before he was born!
 
2013-05-23 02:46:07 PM  

Marshall Willenholly: My wife of 15 years recently discovered she's a lesbian.  Now we're divorcing and she's pursuing a relationship with a gay woman, and I feel so bad for whoever ends up getting stuck with my soon-to-be ex.  No matter what her sexual orientation is, she's a nagging, difficult person and no one should be subjected to living with her for the rest of their life.


So you're the dude she was cheating on me with!

/jk - Sorry for the crap, dude.  Divorce can suck but it can also be the best farking thing ever.  Good luck.
 
2013-05-23 02:46:30 PM  

Theaetetus: Cagey B: I would imagine gay couples have the exact same issues that straight couples do. The only difference is that they're probably less likely to have kids, and so therefore have enough sex to forget all the ticky-tack bullshiat that starts the stupid fights that come from living in proximity with someone forever.

The other difference, as the article notes, is that gay couples don't have a gender-based power inequality. There aren't thousands of various subconscious influences saying "put your foot down, you're the man!" or "he's not listening to you, because he thinks you're 'just a woman'," so any conflicts are inherently more egalitarian.


Also gay men are still men.

We want the want the same thing as straight guys.

1. Stomach full

2. Balls empty.

After that we are pretty content and everything else is just frosting.
 
2013-05-23 02:47:16 PM  

nicoffeine: Theaetetus: Cagey B: I would imagine gay couples have the exact same issues that straight couples do. The only difference is that they're probably less likely to have kids, and so therefore have enough sex to forget all the ticky-tack bullshiat that starts the stupid fights that come from living in proximity with someone forever.

The other difference, as the article notes, is that gay couples don't have a gender-based power inequality. There aren't thousands of various subconscious influences saying "put your foot down, you're the man!" or "he's not listening to you, because he thinks you're 'just a woman'," so any conflicts are inherently more egalitarian.

Hey, guys, remember when there weren't the gays?!?!?! Alexander the Great was totally for the book that existed a mellinia before he was born!


Becuase I swiched "before" and "after," my point is moot. Go on and keep the peace or whatever...
 
2013-05-23 02:48:41 PM  

radarlove: Anytime something shiatty happens, my wife and I smoke enough weed to completely forget it.  Works great.  We also do the same thing when watching TV shows so that every time we rewatch the program it is like watching it for the first time.

Weed: The miracle plant that cures cancer, saves marriages, and makes television much more watchable.


/we don't really get into many arguments though...probably wouldn't recommend weed for that
//maybe 4 arguments in 6 years
///doinitrite


^I like everything about this^
 
2013-05-23 02:48:59 PM  
Will my girlfriend be more forgiving if I do her in the tooter every so often?
 
2013-05-23 02:49:46 PM  
My marriage advice, for what it's worth is
1. Don't be selfish
2. Don't keep score

Of course it only works if both both people are doing it, so YMMV.

I'm still waiting for someone to explain exactly how gay marriage is going to affect/harm my heterosexual marriage. I live in Austin and my husband does theater, so we know lots of gay people and for some crazy reason, being around gay people has not impacted our relationship. What am I missing?
 
2013-05-23 02:50:10 PM  

Theaetetus: The other difference, as the article notes, is that gay couples don't have a gender-based power inequality. There aren't thousands of various subconscious influences saying "put your foot down, you're the man!" or "he's not listening to you, because he thinks you're 'just a woman'," so any conflicts are inherently more egalitarian.


I thought that the modern thing was to get beyond that kinda mentality.

When my SO and I fight she tells me that she can't trust my word on politics because 'You're a 'Merican!' - and I tell her I can't trust her with emergancy situations because she has a cow phobia.
 
2013-05-23 02:50:35 PM  

megarian: I'm sorry and congratulations?


No one should ever say sorry for a divorce, you making someone feel bad for bettering themselves.
 
2013-05-23 02:51:44 PM  
Oh get stuffed.   Because you choose to partner with someone that has same reproductive organs makes you an authority on maintaining a happy relationship?   please...    Let's see what the gay divorce rate is in 20 years.   I guarantee it's right up there with straight people.

Having said that, I would expect two men getting married would be happier longer because they dont have to deal with insane women

/married 14 years and reasonably happy
 
2013-05-23 02:52:05 PM  
know how you remember every single real or imaginary mistake your spouse has ever made, and hold it over them until the end of time? Stop that

 So a happy marriage is one with no women in it.  Seems plausible.
 
2013-05-23 02:53:40 PM  

Theaetetus: Cagey B: I would imagine gay couples have the exact same issues that straight couples do. The only difference is that they're probably less likely to have kids, and so therefore have enough sex to forget all the ticky-tack bullshiat that starts the stupid fights that come from living in proximity with someone forever.

The other difference, as the article notes, is that gay couples don't have a gender-based power inequality. There aren't thousands of various subconscious influences saying "put your foot down, you're the man!" or "he's not listening to you, because he thinks you're 'just a woman'," so any conflicts are inherently more egalitarian.


Ya cause no woman has ever said Im a strong independant woman. You go girl. You dont need no man for nothing girl.

why is it every time the topic of dating and realationships comes up someone has to chime in with an opinion along the lines of. "well its still so much harder if your a woman"

there is a reason gay people often divide themselves into tops and bottoms. So any powerplay someone perceives to exist in a straight couple. Will probably exist in a gay couple
as well.
 
GBB
2013-05-23 02:55:16 PM  
I think the biggest issue with relationships is how they begin.  In everything you see, men and women fall in love "at first sight".  While I agree that sexual desire is primal and quite important, it seems that most people force themselves to adapt to an incompatible partner because they "look good".  I'm not suggesting that you find an ugly woman and make her your wife.  But if you base your entire relationship on physical attraction, you need to at least be honest about it and plan to move on when the crazy becomes greater than the hotness.

And a relationship should be work, and you shouldn't have to fight to keep your partner.  If one of you wants to go and find something better, let them go and be happy about it.  To fight to keep someone in a relationship that at any point they thought wasn't good enough to stay in, is just stupid.
 
2013-05-23 02:55:53 PM  
Do guys do that too? Generally curious.
 
2013-05-23 02:56:19 PM  
My ex would bring up stupid shiat that happened years ago.  It didn't matter if I had already apologized for the minor mistake or not.  She was going to make damn sure it was never forgotten and never forgiven.

/key word is "ex"
 
2013-05-23 02:57:07 PM  

The Silver Mullet: Famous Thamas: Oh god, please stop that.

I tend to remember the good things about my relationship, while my gf remembers every little thing I've done wrong.

Hear, hear. Honestly, is there ANY remedy for this, besides a divorce? I love my wife, but that is the ONE attribute I cannot get past.


Could be worse... my gf will actually remember my behavior as worse than it was.  For instance if I drop a cup and make a mess, she'll later say I threw it.
 
2013-05-23 02:58:36 PM  

thecpt: Do guys do that too? Generally curious.


No, we don't remember stuff. Women are the masters at crushing your soul, we men can measure our damage in dollars.
 
2013-05-23 02:58:54 PM  

Telos: The Silver Mullet: Famous Thamas: Oh god, please stop that.

I tend to remember the good things about my relationship, while my gf remembers every little thing I've done wrong.

Hear, hear. Honestly, is there ANY remedy for this, besides a divorce? I love my wife, but that is the ONE attribute I cannot get past.

Could be worse... my gf will actually remember my behavior as worse than it was.  For instance if I drop a cup and make a mess, she'll later say I threw it.


Get out now!  Eventually you're going to have an argument and something will get broken by accident.  The police will show up, and you'll go to jail for attacking her with the broken object.

/I wish I was joking
 
2013-05-23 03:00:15 PM  

Marshmallow Jones: Let's see what the gay divorce rate is in 20 years.   I guarantee it's right up there with straight people.


The Netherlands are at 14 years for gay marriage right now, and they're at a whopping 2% divorce rate for same sex pairs, or a little under half of the US average for all marriage. In fact,  every country with same sex marriage as well as  everystate with same sex marriage are below the US average.

So, how much money would you like to put on this guarantee?
 
2013-05-23 03:00:33 PM  

IdBeCrazyIf: thecpt: Do guys do that too? Generally curious.

No, we don't remember stuff. Women are the masters at crushing your soul, we men can measure our damage in dollars.


Okay... I'll wait for a farkette's answer.
 
2013-05-23 03:01:20 PM  

thecpt: Do guys do that too? Generally curious.


I never did when I was married, usually because I didn't remember the stupid things she had done.  I knew she had done them, but didn't hang on to them.  Every damned argument, she'd pull up stuff I did six friggin' years ago.

"Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget." - Robert Jordan
 
2013-05-23 03:01:52 PM  
(bear in mind that gay couples, by definition, never have a "whoops, you're pregnant... guess we better get married" situation)
 
2013-05-23 03:03:21 PM  

JNowe: thecpt: Do guys do that too? Generally curious.

I never did when I was married, usually because I didn't remember the stupid things she had done.  I knew she had done them, but didn't hang on to them.  Every damned argument, she'd pull up stuff I did six friggin' years ago.

"Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget." - Robert Jordan


www.eigenspace.net
And if anyone knows about women, it's this guy.
 
2013-05-23 03:03:47 PM  

IdBeCrazyIf: megarian: I'm sorry and congratulations?

No one should ever say sorry for a divorce, you making someone feel bad for bettering themselves.


I meant sorry to the "living with a difficult person" for 15 years part. That just sucks.
 
2013-05-23 03:05:01 PM  

Brytanica1: The secret to long term gay relationships lasting: Three Ways. Lots and lots of three ways.


I did that but my girlfriend got upset about the other two people I was seeing.

/No not really : )
/But 3-ways are fun.
 
2013-05-23 03:05:33 PM  

Theaetetus: Marshmallow Jones: Let's see what the gay divorce rate is in 20 years.   I guarantee it's right up there with straight people.

The Netherlands are at 14 years for gay marriage right now, and they're at a whopping 2% divorce rate for same sex pairs, or a little under half of the US average for all marriage. In fact,  every country with same sex marriage as well as  everystate with same sex marriage are below the US average.

So, how much money would you like to put on this guarantee?


How do the  national averages of other countries compare to ours anyway? Are we the farked up ones with a split happy high divorce rate or what?

Probably good to factor that in too.
 
2013-05-23 03:05:39 PM  

IdBeCrazyIf: I don't believe it, quick someone tape the cracks shut on the door...gay is seeping in and it might ruin my family!


Gay is already celebrated and gushed about in pop culture.  Gay is the new Pepsi.  I think it may be losing its cool but good luck with the fad.
 
2013-05-23 03:06:06 PM  

Theaetetus: JNowe: thecpt: Do guys do that too? Generally curious.

I never did when I was married, usually because I didn't remember the stupid things she had done.  I knew she had done them, but didn't hang on to them.  Every damned argument, she'd pull up stuff I did six friggin' years ago.

"Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget." - Robert Jordan

And if anyone knows about women, it's this guy.


I know, what a dork amirite?  Probably never even talked to a woman in his life.  Well, other than his wife.
 
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