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(Fox 40 Sacramento)   My psychiatrist said I do not have a mental illness, therefore I have every right to call 911 100 times in a month to report satellites that are crushing my chest and squeezing my brain   (fox40.com) divider line 22
    More: Amusing, mental illness, psychiatrists, communications center  
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2468 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 May 2013 at 1:43 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



22 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-05-22 01:46:16 PM
Major League Baseball is back to their old tricks I see...
 
2013-05-22 01:47:07 PM
Don't bother calling 911. They're in on the whole thing. Complain too much and they'll send satellites down to your crouch area. Zap your swimmers or fry your eggs, depending on it you are a he or a she. If you're an alien, the satellites will just orbit your waist and keep your invisibility belt from working.
 
2013-05-22 01:50:04 PM

Harry Freakstorm: Don't bother calling 911. They're in on the whole thing. Complain too much and they'll send satellites down to your crouch area. Zap your swimmers or fry your eggs, depending on it you are a he or a she. If you're an alien, the satellites will just orbit your waist and keep your invisibility belt from working.


Also, I hear they manipulate your thoughts and control the voices in your head. So, next time you want to bang the wife, remember that it's not because she doesn't want to: it's because they're convincing you that you don't even like it.
 
2013-05-22 01:51:02 PM
i1136.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-22 01:53:18 PM
If he's in pain, why doesn't he just get to the hospital? (never mind the CIA part)
 
2013-05-22 02:00:27 PM
And the female reporter is stupid enough to call it a practical joke rather than possible mental illness.

Rush to conclusions much you twat?
 
2013-05-22 02:04:00 PM
Oh, come on now. Nobody makes a Sputnik that does all that.
 
2013-05-22 02:11:14 PM
I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested.

/should have followed up with the specialist in Houston
 
2013-05-22 02:12:43 PM

I do not have a mental illness, ...  crushing my chest and squeezing my brain


He actually may not have a mental illness if he is just misinterpreting the symptoms of Sleep paralysisa phenomenon in which people, either when falling asleep or wakening, temporarily experience an inability to move. More formally, it is a transition state between wakefulness and rest characterized by complete muscle atonia (muscle weakness).



upload.wikimedia.org
The Nightmare, by Henry Fuseli (1781) is thought to be one of the classic depictions of sleep paralysis perceived as a demonic visitation.
 
2013-05-22 02:18:56 PM
My link to Wikipedia Sleep paralysis didn't make it above, so here is another picture:

upload.wikimedia.org
Le Cauchemar (The Nightmare), by Eugène Thivier (1894)
 
2013-05-22 02:29:46 PM
My wife has Schizophrenia. You wouldn't know it thanks to the meds, but this sounds quite similar to what she was like before being diagnosed. All paranoid about the government and mind control techniques.
 
2013-05-22 02:32:10 PM
He wouldnt be so afraid of the invisible aliens if He Had MOAR GUNZ!!!1!1
 
2013-05-22 02:44:45 PM
it is possible for a satellite to crush you, prior to launch.

One fell over in Sunnyvale a few years back; hell of a noise!
 
2013-05-22 02:48:42 PM
FTA:

He says the psychiatrist told him he had no mental problems.

Uh...is he in the room with us right now?

What do you mean I can't sit in that chair?  Oooooh I see, your "psychiatrist" is there.  I'm sorry.

/it's fun to have imaginary friends
 
2013-05-22 02:48:42 PM

powhound: My wife has Schizophrenia. You wouldn't know it thanks to the meds, but this sounds quite similar to what she was like before being diagnosed. All paranoid about the government and mind control techniques.


...and you married her?

She must be hot.
 
2013-05-22 03:18:34 PM
I'm not insane,
So don't forget it:
It's just a silly phase I'm goin' through;
And just because
I call you up
Don't mean I think the Man's got psychic rays.
 
2013-05-22 03:23:38 PM

dv-ous: powhound: My wife has Schizophrenia. You wouldn't know it thanks to the meds, but this sounds quite similar to what she was like before being diagnosed. All paranoid about the government and mind control techniques.

...and you married her?

She must be hot.


Hot Asians are hot. Plus a lot of fun to mess with. I like to change our wifi broadcast name to things like "FBI Surveillance Van #6"
 
2013-05-22 03:23:48 PM
My guess would be that at this point if you put those dispatchers in a room with this guy, at least one of the dispatchers would offer to demonstrate what "crushing my chest and squeezing my brain" is actually like.
 
2013-05-22 03:50:26 PM

powhound: dv-ous: powhound: My wife has Schizophrenia. You wouldn't know it thanks to the meds, but this sounds quite similar to what she was like before being diagnosed. All paranoid about the government and mind control techniques.

...and you married her?

She must be hot.

Hot Asians are hot. Plus a lot of fun to mess with. I like to change our wifi broadcast name to things like "FBI Surveillance Van #6"


Damn, that is hot!
 
2013-05-22 04:04:03 PM
The guy is sick and they're treating this like...it's just an annoyance. Jesus fark.
 
2013-05-22 04:40:28 PM
There's nothing embarrassing or unseemly about wrapping the entirety of one's self in a store-bought silver foil at night.


/baked potato style
 
2013-05-22 05:03:05 PM
Oh shiat. I thought I was the only one with the satellite curse
 
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