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(Dallas Observer)   How to: Hit on your bartender. The correct answer is D) Just don't even bother, because you'll either come across as a drunk asshole, or a creepy stalker, which in your case is probably closer to the truth than you're willing to admit   (blogs.dallasobserver.com) divider line 261
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8704 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 May 2013 at 11:11 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-22 09:26:47 AM
Don't try and pick up people who are being paid to be nice to you.
 
2013-05-22 09:29:51 AM
This doesn't apply if you're a hot chick. By all means, hit on the bartender.
 
2013-05-22 09:30:41 AM
Solid advice, Dallas Observer.  Well advised.
 
2013-05-22 09:32:19 AM

doglover: This doesn't apply if you're a hot chick. By all means, hit on the bartender.


this. when they are yelling "bar's closed, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here" there's some fine print that says that if your are hot and going home with the bartender, you can chill for a bit.
 
2013-05-22 09:37:45 AM
Get out.  The chick having to serve a room full of drunk assholes, most of which are probably hitting on her and doing a very bad job of it, doesn't want to know about my junk.  I'm shocked.  Followup article: Don't shout "barkeep" at bartenders and wave money in their face.  It's almost like they're people.
 
2013-05-22 09:39:44 AM
Here's a 10-step guide that's worked so many times it's not even funny. Note that this is written specifically for a female bartender, but with minor adjustments could work for a male as well. Or you could just tell the male bartender that you want to take him home after his shift. That works, too. But hey, sometimes the game is fun.

1) Sit down right in front of the sink. She has to spend a lot of time washing pint glasses and things, and she'll appreciate you engaging her in conversation while she's performing such a dull task.
2) Ask her what's on tap. The taps are right behind her, and you could probably see them all by just leaning slightly to one side, but she'll appreciate that you're asking for her to demonstrate expertise in her chosen field. After she rattles those off, ask her what she has in a bottle. Then ask her to repeat a couple of the drafts again. Then order a Bud Light; you want to show that you're not too picky.
3) Drink your Bud Light and wait for her first turn at the sink. Engage her in light banter every time she passes close to it. Possible topic starters include: "Pretty busy tonight, huh?" or "Come here often?" If she makes eye contact with you even once at this point, she's interested.
4) Continue drinking Bud Light. Order new ones as necessary. On every other beer, slip a dollar bill across the bar and tell her, "that's for you, sweetie." This is very important. Lots of people wait until the end of the night to give a tip. You want to flash money around from the beginning, though, to let her know that you're packing green. This will further separate you from the other losers who are just trying to get into her pants on the cheap.
5) After an hour or two, it's time to escalate the game. Body language is important here. Begin leaning further across the bar. Wink at her when she's looking at you. When she hands you a beer, be sure to brush your hand over her fingers as you take the glass or bottle. When she's washing cups at the sink, try to sneak a look down her shirt every now and then. Be subtle, but not too subtle...you want her to know you're looking, because that lets her know you're interested.
6) Order a mojito. Ask her if she can make it "like they do in that commercial." If she doesn't know what you mean, just wink and say, "you know, with lots of hip shaking."
7) After the mojito, be sure that the only drinks you order from that point on have some sort of sexual connotation. Blowjobs, Sex on the Beach, etc etc. Every time she brings one, ask her if she likes it. If she says yes, tell her, "I'll bet you do." Wink.
8) Keep drinking, talking, and looking down her shirt until you are the only person left in the bar. This can devolve into a waiting game sometimes, but don't worry. She's hoping you're the one who's left at the end of the night. Do not listen to anyone who asks you to leave at this point -- you're in the home stretch, and they're just trying to horn in on all the groundwork you've laid.
9) Ask for your final bill. As you're taking out your wallet, accidentally drop a condom onto the bar. Act surprised, then ask her if that gives her any ideas.
10) Get ready for the best sex of your life.
 
2013-05-22 09:42:53 AM

Pocket Ninja: Here's a 10-step guide that's worked so many times it's not even funny. Note that this is written specifically for a female bartender, but with minor adjustments could work for a male as well. Or you could just tell the male bartender that you want to take him home after his shift. That works, too. But hey, sometimes the game is fun.

1) Sit down right in front of the sink. She has to spend a lot of time washing pint glasses and things, and she'll appreciate you engaging her in conversation while she's performing such a dull task.
2) Ask her what's on tap. The taps are right behind her, and you could probably see them all by just leaning slightly to one side, but she'll appreciate that you're asking for her to demonstrate expertise in her chosen field. After she rattles those off, ask her what she has in a bottle. Then ask her to repeat a couple of the drafts again. Then order a Bud Light; you want to show that you're not too picky.
3) Drink your Bud Light and wait for her first turn at the sink. Engage her in light banter every time she passes close to it. Possible topic starters include: "Pretty busy tonight, huh?" or "Come here often?" If she makes eye contact with you even once at this point, she's interested.
4) Continue drinking Bud Light. Order new ones as necessary. On every other beer, slip a dollar bill across the bar and tell her, "that's for you, sweetie." This is very important. Lots of people wait until the end of the night to give a tip. You want to flash money around from the beginning, though, to let her know that you're packing green. This will further separate you from the other losers who are just trying to get into her pants on the cheap.
5) After an hour or two, it's time to escalate the game. Body language is important here. Begin leaning further across the bar. Wink at her when she's looking at you. When she hands you a beer, be sure to brush your hand over her fingers as you take the glass or bottle. When she's washing cups at the sink, try ...


So does that really work?
 
2013-05-22 09:43:57 AM
She suggests building a rapport by frequenting their establishment often, being friendly and following social protocol.

She suggests spending more money on her, being pleasant to be around and not being a dork.
 
2013-05-22 09:45:51 AM

EvilEgg: So does that really work?


Like a charm, bro.  Give it a try tonight and report back on how you did.
 
2013-05-22 09:47:15 AM

Pocket Ninja: Here's a 10-step guide


You left out the part where you wear WAYYYY too much overpowering knockoff cologne, and have your shirt unbuttoned to your navel, displaying your pasty chest and gut.  Other than that, it's perfect!
 
2013-05-22 09:47:15 AM
img547.imageshack.us

You never know until you try, and what do you have to lose?
 
2013-05-22 09:50:48 AM
Follow her out to her car, figure out where she lives and where she spends her time during the day. Then after a couple months of nailing down her routine, casually insert yourself into her life outside of the work environment.
 
2013-05-22 09:51:27 AM

markie_farkie: You left out the part where you wear WAYYYY too much overpowering knockoff cologne, and have your shirt unbuttoned to your navel, displaying your pasty chest and gut. Other than that, it's perfect!


Don't forget the medallion! How can you prove you can support a family if you can't support a medallion!
 
2013-05-22 09:57:08 AM
I usually pick my teeth with the little umbrella from my cocktail and talk about my ex boyfriends, my eczema and my dog. Drives 'em wild.

With indifference.
 
2013-05-22 09:57:55 AM
I just sit at the end of the bar licking my eyebrows.
 
2013-05-22 09:59:44 AM
I'm so glad I'm not single.
 
2013-05-22 10:02:03 AM

Nabb1: I'm so glad I'm not single.


right there with you....

Sybarite: I just sit at the end of the bar licking my eyebrows.


I can see that working
 
2013-05-22 10:04:39 AM
Pocket Ninja: 9) Ask for your final bill. As you're taking out your wallet, accidentally drop a condom onto the bar. Act surprised, then ask her if that gives her any ideas.

i2.kym-cdn.com



CSB time: One time I banged a bartender. I went to the bar a few days before and I had never met her. It happened to be her birthday that night, so at the end of the night I gave her and extra $20 on her tip because she said she was going with friends to a strip club later on. I told her to "get a dance on me" and she smiled and appreciate the gesture.

The next week I came in and hung out for a bit, and she asked me if I wanted to go out after her shift was over. We ended up going to a strip club and we ended up getting a private room with a dancer. They enjoyed each other's company quite a bit. After wards we went back to her house and banged it out.

Turns out, shockingly, that she was bat-shiat crazy. We banged a few more times, and she ended up getting fired from her job for dragging me into the women's bathroom to suck face, and a patron walked in.

/CSB
 
2013-05-22 10:07:41 AM

EvilEgg: Don't try and pick up people who are being paid to be nice to you.


When I bartended I was paid to serve drinks. I wasn't paid to be nice. If someone was being an asshole I had every right to throw him out of my bar. If someone was being a creeper I have one of the larger customers follow him outside and make sure he left.

/small biker bars
 
2013-05-22 10:31:26 AM

CapeFearCadaver: EvilEgg: Don't try and pick up people who are being paid to be nice to you.

When I bartended I was paid to serve drinks. I wasn't paid to be nice. If someone was being an asshole I had every right to throw him out of my bar. If someone was being a creeper I have one of the larger customers follow him outside and make sure he left.



You could have just made them a Hairy Buffalo on the house:

- Sweet and Sour
- Two jiggers of whatever you can wring out of the bar mat.

(yes, there are legit recipes for a Hairy Buffalo)


I'm not single but if I were, I would never hit on the bartender.  Hell, I almost always don't talk with them unless they initiate the conversation...I'm friendly but they're busy/working.
 
2013-05-22 10:32:22 AM

UberDave: - Two jiggers of whatever you can wring out of the bar mat.


Also known as a Matini or Matta Hari
 
2013-05-22 10:33:23 AM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: [img547.imageshack.us image 498x484]

You never know until you try, and what do you have to lose?


Well she appears to be Canadian, so that's one strike against her.
 
2013-05-22 10:44:08 AM

Pocket Ninja: Here's a 10-step guide that's worked so many times it's not even funny. Note that this is written specifically for a female bartender, but with minor adjustments could work for a male as well. Or you could just tell the male bartender that you want to take him home after his shift. That works, too. But hey, sometimes the game is fun.

1) Sit down right in front of the sink. She has to spend a lot of time washing pint glasses and things, and she'll appreciate you engaging her in conversation while she's performing such a dull task.
2) Ask her what's on tap. The taps are right behind her, and you could probably see them all by just leaning slightly to one side, but she'll appreciate that you're asking for her to demonstrate expertise in her chosen field. After she rattles those off, ask her what she has in a bottle. Then ask her to repeat a couple of the drafts again. Then order a Bud Light; you want to show that you're not too picky.
3) Drink your Bud Light and wait for her first turn at the sink. Engage her in light banter every time she passes close to it. Possible topic starters include: "Pretty busy tonight, huh?" or "Come here often?" If she makes eye contact with you even once at this point, she's interested.
4) Continue drinking Bud Light. Order new ones as necessary. On every other beer, slip a dollar bill across the bar and tell her, "that's for you, sweetie." This is very important. Lots of people wait until the end of the night to give a tip. You want to flash money around from the beginning, though, to let her know that you're packing green. This will further separate you from the other losers who are just trying to get into her pants on the cheap.
5) After an hour or two, it's time to escalate the game. Body language is important here. Begin leaning further across the bar. Wink at her when she's looking at you. When she hands you a beer, be sure to brush your hand over her fingers as you take the glass or bottle. When she's washing cups at the sink, try ...


You are a cruel, cruel, cruel human...
 
2013-05-22 10:45:51 AM

UberDave: I'm not single but if I were, I would never hit on the bartender. Hell, I almost always don't talk with them unless they initiate the conversation...I'm friendly but they're busy/working.


I'm not single which is exactly why I DO hit on the bartender. She knows we're just messing around, I'm always respectful, never dirty. It makes for a fun Sunday afternoon.
 
2013-05-22 10:57:05 AM
CapeFearCadaver:
/small biker bars


i105.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-22 11:02:29 AM
Ive known at least 3 incredibly attractive female bartenders who quit because they were tired of drunk assholes leering at them all the time. They made great money but it was just too damn scary.
 
2013-05-22 11:14:53 AM
You mean the waitress didn't wear that push up bra and low-cut knowing that I'd be coming to sweep her off her feet with my charm and 18% tip?
 
2013-05-22 11:15:46 AM

jaylectricity: UberDave: I'm not single but if I were, I would never hit on the bartender. Hell, I almost always don't talk with them unless they initiate the conversation...I'm friendly but they're busy/working.

I'm not single which is exactly why I DO hit on the bartender. She knows we're just messing around, I'm always respectful, never dirty. It makes for a fun Sunday afternoon.


I save that for the beer girls on the golf course.  :)
 
2013-05-22 11:16:13 AM

EvilEgg: Don't try and pick up people who are being paid to be nice to you.


Just for the record, this also applies to the beer cart girl. A little light flirtation is fun, but I've seen way too many guys cross the line. Not cool.
 
2013-05-22 11:16:43 AM
I've picked up a lot of bartenders but I'm not a creepy asshole. I also used to help them bus tables and clean up if they were getting slammed... but not before asking first because sometimes they don't like that.
 
2013-05-22 11:17:19 AM

FloydA: CapeFearCadaver:
/small biker bars


[i105.photobucket.com image 640x201]


D'Awwww...

Seriously though, that's why I liked working at biker bars. They were more neighborhood bars and the guys took it upon themselves to 'protect' me; especially after they saw me get in some 6'5" 330lbs asshole's face and kick him out of the bar. Creepers did come in and would leer at me, but there was always somewhere there to say 'No.' and get them the fark out.
 
2013-05-22 11:18:04 AM
Bartenders have to deal with so much "subtle" passive-aggressive attention that it's best to make one's intentions perfectly clear. Hold up a cleaver and a Hefty bag and simply say "One way or another we'll be together forever."

Next step is calling your Doctor and asking for a salve to treat your vaginal overdose!
 
2013-05-22 11:19:05 AM

EvilEgg: So does that really work?


www.nataliepace.com
 
2013-05-22 11:19:46 AM
I usually just wait for them to leave. Then in the trunk they go!
 
2013-05-22 11:20:59 AM
How about grocery store cashiers after work??? A deliciously short and stocky brunette with thick thighs, long curly black hair and very short shorts?
 
2013-05-22 11:21:07 AM

Gonz: EvilEgg: Don't try and pick up people who are being paid to be nice to you.

Just for the record, this also applies to the beer cart girl. A little light flirtation is fun, but I've seen way too many guys cross the line. Not cool.


Or guys who try it on the Hooters girls....now that's another level of creepy.

"Listen..what's your name?...Stacy? Ok listen Stacy, I know you're only here for a paycheck and the flirty thing is a gag I get it, honestly I am only here because I got drug here for a business meeting with some douche who thinks we still live in the era of Mad Men. So really, you don't need to do the act. Just be good at your job, keep my glass refilled and I promise I'll chip in a little extra on the tip for having to deal with insufferable assholes like the three morons that are coming to this table in about 10 minutes"

I did have one give me her number after that, that was kinda cool. And most have that look of relief wash over their face as they realize they don't have to play the act.
 
2013-05-22 11:25:13 AM
Don't even talk to a member of the opposite sex, ever.
Because no matter the situation, it is inappropriate.
Gay people have it so easy.
 
2013-05-22 11:26:33 AM
What is the difference between Santa and a bartender?

//Santa only has to look at 8 assholes one night a year
 
2013-05-22 11:27:01 AM
TFA is confusing, women can't be bartenders. They're supposed to be waitresses. You can always hit on waitresses.
 
2013-05-22 11:27:40 AM
How about, if you're in a bar, try hitting on the people who aren't working? That's like 98% of the people there. Plus they're drunk and therefore more likely to miss your glaring faults.
 
2013-05-22 11:28:38 AM

Begoggle: Don't even talk to a member of the opposite sex, ever.
Because no matter the situation, it is inappropriate.
Gay people have it so easy.


Only if you're a man. If you're shy, be more assertive. Just don't be assertive in public.
 
2013-05-22 11:30:03 AM

monoski: What is the difference between Santa and a bartender?

//Santa only has to look at 8 assholes one night a year


Oh! Oh! I know! Bartenders choose to be a bartender, Tim Allen was forced to become Santa after a series of comical events
 
2013-05-22 11:30:13 AM

ph0rk: You can always hit on waitresses.


Not recommended if she's with the Russians too.
 
2013-05-22 11:31:52 AM

Pocket Ninja: Pocket Ninja: Here's a 10-step guide that's worked so many times it's not even funny. Note that this is written specifically for a female bartender, but with minor adjustments could work for a male as well. Or you could just tell the male bartender that you want to take him home after his shift. That works, too. But hey, sometimes the game is fun.

1) Sit down right in front of the sink. She has to spend a lot of time washing pint glasses and things, and she'll appreciate you engaging her in conversation while she's performing such a dull task.
2) Ask her what's on tap. The taps are right behind her, and you could probably see them all by just leaning slightly to one side, but she'll appreciate that you're asking for her to demonstrate expertise in her chosen field. After she rattles those off, ask her what she has in a bottle. Then ask her to repeat a couple of the drafts again. Then order a Bud Light; you want to show that you're not too picky.
3) Drink your Bud Light and wait for her first turn at the sink. Engage her in light banter every time she passes close to it. Possible topic starters include: "Pretty busy tonight, huh?" or "Come here often?" If she makes eye contact with you even once at this point, she's interested.
4) Continue drinking Bud Light. Order new ones as necessary. On every other beer, slip a dollar bill across the bar and tell her, "that's for you, sweetie." This is very important. Lots of people wait until the end of the night to give a tip. You want to flash money around from the beginning, though, to let her know that you're packing green. This will further separate you from the other losers who are just trying to get into her pants on the cheap.
5) After an hour or two, it's time to escalate the game. Body language is important here. Begin leaning further across the bar. Wink at her when she's looking at you. When she hands you a beer, be sure to brush your hand over her fingers as you take the glass or bottle. When she's washing cups at the sink, try ...


Dude, you kill me, please post more often. Your 'The monks who brew the best beer in Belgium' post is still my fav fark.

#7487440.
 
2013-05-22 11:32:13 AM

ph0rk: TFA is confusing, women can't be bartenders. They're supposed to be waitresses. You can always hit on waitresses.


Nope.
they are at work.
You wouldn't hit on someone at work.
That's harassment.

Also.
Be attractive.
 
2013-05-22 11:32:17 AM
The bar closest to my house has the most beautiful, bosomy bartender you've ever seen.
I can't go back, ever.
 
2013-05-22 11:33:02 AM

Pocket Ninja: Here's a 10-step guide that's worked so many times it's not even funny. Note that this is written specifically for a female bartender, but with minor adjustments could work for a male as well. Or you could just tell the male bartender that you want to take him home after his shift. That works, too. But hey, sometimes the game is fun.

1) Sit down right in front of the sink. She has to spend a lot of time washing pint glasses and things, and she'll appreciate you engaging her in conversation while she's performing such a dull task.
2) Ask her what's on tap. The taps are right behind her, and you could probably see them all by just leaning slightly to one side, but she'll appreciate that you're asking for her to demonstrate expertise in her chosen field. After she rattles those off, ask her what she has in a bottle. Then ask her to repeat a couple of the drafts again. Then order a Bud Light; you want to show that you're not too picky.
3) Drink your Bud Light and wait for her first turn at the sink. Engage her in light banter every time she passes close to it. Possible topic starters include: "Pretty busy tonight, huh?" or "Come here often?" If she makes eye contact with you even once at this point, she's interested.
4) Continue drinking Bud Light. Order new ones as necessary. On every other beer, slip a dollar bill across the bar and tell her, "that's for you, sweetie." This is very important. Lots of people wait until the end of the night to give a tip. You want to flash money around from the beginning, though, to let her know that you're packing green. This will further separate you from the other losers who are just trying to get into her pants on the cheap.
5) After an hour or two, it's time to escalate the game. Body language is important here. Begin leaning further across the bar. Wink at her when she's looking at you. When she hands you a beer, be sure to brush your hand over her fingers as you take the glass or bottle. When she's washing cups at the sink, try ...


This. Is. Art.
 
2013-05-22 11:33:08 AM
An old cowboy walks into a bar. He's blind as a bat, and can't see the sign that says "Bessy's Blonde Bar". He takes a seat, carefully, on the barstool, and orders a lager. He takes a drink, and tells a whopper of a blonde joke. The room goes stark silent. The bartender says, "I'd be careful with that language 'round here. I am a two hundred-fifty pound blonde with a black belt. On your right is a pro-wrestler, also blonde. On your left is a blonde biker with a switchblade. Sitting at the table behind you are two blonde construction workers, all drunk as hell." The man takes a moment, and says, "Good. I get to explain the joke five times."
 
2013-05-22 11:33:25 AM

EvilEgg: Don't try and pick up people who are being paid to be nice to you.


And the Wheel of Morality has taught us the lesson for the day. See you tomorrow, folks!
 
2013-05-22 11:33:54 AM

fatalvenom: Pocket Ninja: 9) Ask for your final bill. As you're taking out your wallet, accidentally drop a condom onto the bar. Act surprised, then ask her if that gives her any ideas.

[i2.kym-cdn.com image 200x263]


CSB time: One time I banged a bartender. I went to the bar a few days before and I had never met her. It happened to be her birthday that night, so at the end of the night I gave her and extra $20 on her tip because she said she was going with friends to a strip club later on. I told her to "get a dance on me" and she smiled and appreciate the gesture.

The next week I came in and hung out for a bit, and she asked me if I wanted to go out after her shift was over. We ended up going to a strip club and we ended up getting a private room with a dancer. They enjoyed each other's company quite a bit. After wards we went back to her house and banged it out.

Turns out, shockingly, that she was bat-shiat crazy. We banged a few more times, and she ended up getting fired from her job for dragging me into the women's bathroom to suck face, and a patron walked in.

/CSB


LOL you arent as smart as you think you are.
 
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