CruiserTwelve: Who is Nellie Olsen?
Lsherm: ...And, that's why we have the kids today.
Lsherm: Child psychologists most often advise against it. "Public shaming may be effective in teaching our children what specific behavior they should stay away from in the future to avoid future humiliation," Jennifer A. Leigh, Psy.D., told She Knows Parenting. "However, shaming can damage the parent-child relationship. Children quickly learn they cannot trust their parents. Children need to feel safe and secure and to be able to trust their parents."KTSU asked Dr. Douglas Goldsmith of Utah's Children's Center about Ally teaching her daughter a lesson through humiliation and he said, "What happens with that is the person walks away at the end saying, 'Now I'm really angry, that was humiliating and now I'm angry."...And, that's why we have the kids today.
Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Odd how it's always parents who resort to shiat like public shaming who seem to end up with children who act out. Almost like shiatty parents end up with shiatty kids. The fact that it's a step-mom tells me this girl has already been through a divorce, and who knows what else. She needs therapy and support, not public shaming.And a pre-emptive fark you to anyone who defends the scum mother.
MagSeven: That is all.
Hobodeluxe: I think this is great. it's teaching them empathy by making them walk a mile in someone else's shoes. that "psychologist" needs a dose of humility too it sounds like.
Babwa Wawa: TFA: "The stepmom spent about $50 at a thrift store and purchased clothes she knew Ally would be embarrassed to wear."$50 at a thrift store? That's about 3 year's worth of outfits for a fourth grader.
Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Odd how it's always parents who resort to shiat like public shaming who seem to end up with children who act out. Almost like shiatty parents end up with shiatty kids. The fact that it's a step-mom tells me this girl has already been through a divorce, and who knows what else. She needs therapy and support, not public shaming.
highwayrun: Obviously this wasn't in Portland, where wearing worn-out thrift-store clothes is a point of fashionable pride like wearing Christian Louboutins is elsewhere
darkjezter: I love it how psychologists are always advocating "no punishment" parenting styles. I've known parents who never punish their children (they think it's better to be their child's friend than their parent) and they always have the most farked up, out-of-control, disrespectful children around.
symptomoftheuniverse: Ok if the clothes were too cruel, how about a sign around her neck that reads "I'm a bullying biatch"?
WippitGuud: So what you're saying is... when my daughter got caught in 4th grade stealing ice cream sandwiches at school... I should not have asked a cop to come over to the house. Instead I should've treated her like the precious little snowflake she is.
Hobodeluxe: any extreme route you take will end up with messed up kids.
swingerofbirches: I think it would be good for everyone (especially parents to be) to take a developmental psychology class, and in particular, study the works of Erik Erikson.It just seems to me that someone who understands, even at a simple level, human psychology wouldn't see what this mother did as Plan A. This is what someone does when they don't know what to do. At the most, it teaches (forces) an ability to contain one's true emotions and improves behavior through a depressed resignation, but it creates a need to create the self either as a negative self or as someone who can't trust the world and has to become avoidant and create a self separate from the world. It's one thing to do something wrong to a child. It's another thing to do that wrong thing and normalize it. If you normalize bad behavior toward children, the child has to make sense of a world that the child cannot trust.And no, I'm not some wonky grad student. I'm a high-school graduate. To me this is common sense.This woman may be a hero for getting by. I don't know what she's up against. I don't know what skills she has. I don't know what knowledge she has. But this isn't a victory in parenting.Bullying has very specific causes and exists in very specific contexts. It's not something you can "beat" or eliminate by not tolerating it or by shaming a child, which is in itself bullying. To me, the answer is to contain the emotions of the bullier and allow them to trust that the world is safe, a feeling which they then internalize. That's how children learn to trust, and the absence of that could have been one of the causes of the bullying to begin with (bullying is more likely to occur in children of authoritarian parents, whom children can't easily trust).
swingerofbirches: To me, the answer is to contain the emotions of the bullier and allow them to trust that the world is safe
Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.
When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.
Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.
You need to create an account to submit links or post comments.
Click here to submit a link.
Also on Fark
Submit a Link »
Copyright © 1999 - 2017 Fark, Inc | Last updated: Feb 21 2017 12:30:09
Runtime: 0.543 sec (542 ms)