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(Planet Ivy)   News: Unexpected gatecrashers ransack house. Fark: Baboons. Baboons everywhere   (planetivy.com) divider line 51
    More: Silly, gate-crashing, yall  
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2013-05-21 12:04:11 PM  
"vacation home" by the way.
 
2013-05-21 12:05:49 PM  
Probably baboon crap and pee in every nook and cranny of the place.  You will never get that funk of the house
 
2013-05-21 12:07:20 PM  
farm5.staticflickr.com
Stop rolling the dice you morons.
 
2013-05-21 12:07:49 PM  
Funnier than a house full of 'boons!
 
2013-05-21 12:07:59 PM  
Old vid by internet standards
 
2013-05-21 12:09:58 PM  
Meh,

annoytheleft.files.wordpress.com
/what??
 
2013-05-21 12:10:21 PM  
That's what you get when you piss on baboons in the jungle.
 
2013-05-21 12:14:25 PM  

ChipNASA: Meh,

[annoytheleft.files.wordpress.com image 218x163]
/what??


k-da.info
 
2013-05-21 12:15:43 PM  

sheep snorter: "vacation home" by the way.


So that changes things?
 
2013-05-21 12:17:02 PM  
okay this viral campaign for the new Planet of the Apes movie has gone too far.
 
2013-05-21 12:18:52 PM  

ChipNASA: Meh,


/what??


A baboon hasn't been in the White House since January '08
 
2013-05-21 12:18:56 PM  
Yeah. One thing you want to do is corner an angry and scared baboon. A broom is going to tickle him a little while he bites off your hand and tears off your genitals.

Let them have what they want and do not appear threatening to them or their little ones.
 
2013-05-21 12:20:22 PM  
As opposed to expected gatecrashers?
 
2013-05-21 12:21:28 PM  
Did they drink 100 bees and destroy the electrucal apploances?
 
2013-05-21 12:23:36 PM  
Frank Drebin approves.
 
2013-05-21 12:25:54 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: ChipNASA: Meh,


/what??

A baboon hasn't been in the White House since January '08


0.tqn.com
 
2013-05-21 12:26:14 PM  
approves
 
2013-05-21 12:26:35 PM  

TheShavingofOccam123: Yeah. One thing you want to do is corner an angry and scared baboon. A broom is going to tickle him a little while he bites off your hand and tears off your genitals.


That's chimps. Baboons are nasty, sure, but they're not as big. If you got a good windup and clocked a baboon with the broom handle you could probably knock one out.
 
2013-05-21 12:27:03 PM  
I read the word twice as balloons so I was expecting...well, I don't know what I was expecting exactly.
 
2013-05-21 12:28:29 PM  

probesport: sheep snorter: "vacation home" by the way.

So that changes things?


It changes everything.  You would have to be pretty damn short sighted not to know that.  Its the difference between "daddy why are we vacationing in a hotel now?" and "daddy why are we living out of a car now?"  Although honestly I cant imagine how many apes or monkeys it would take to make my home uninhabitable for more than a week.

/few gallons of simple green and a pressure washer.
 
2013-05-21 12:28:40 PM  

theorellior: TheShavingofOccam123: Yeah. One thing you want to do is corner an angry and scared baboon. A broom is going to tickle him a little while he bites off your hand and tears off your genitals.

That's chimps. Baboons are nasty, sure, but they're not as big. If you got a good windup and clocked a baboon with the broom handle you could probably knock one out.


Much like the people who assure me the kitchen sink is far more filthier than the toilet, I will take your word for it and not test the hypothesis.
 
2013-05-21 12:28:56 PM  
 
2013-05-21 12:30:03 PM  

theorellior: That's chimps. Baboons are nasty, sure, but they're not as big. If you got a good windup and clocked a baboon with the broom handle you could probably knock one out.


You had damn well better hope so.
 
2013-05-21 12:30:06 PM  

casual disregard: I read the word twice as balloons so I was expecting...well, I don't know what I was expecting exactly.


The Spanish Inquisition?
www.midwesttvguy.com

i3.mirror.co.uk
 
2013-05-21 12:34:32 PM  
Yes, but was there poo flinging??
 
2013-05-21 12:35:35 PM  

orclover: probesport: sheep snorter: "vacation home" by the way.

So that changes things?

It changes everything.  You would have to be pretty damn short sighted not to know that.  Its the difference between "daddy why are we vacationing in a hotel now?" and "daddy why are we living out of a car now?"  Although honestly I cant imagine how many apes or monkeys it would take to make my home uninhabitable for more than a week.

/few gallons of simple green and a pressure washer.



I dunno, some kinds of funk can work itself into the pores of the house. You get nasty odors coming out at you for years later despite cleaning and repainting. Gotta rip out the drywall and redo the floors to fix it.
 
2013-05-21 12:37:02 PM  

TheShavingofOccam123: theorellior: TheShavingofOccam123: Yeah. One thing you want to do is corner an angry and scared baboon. A broom is going to tickle him a little while he bites off your hand and tears off your genitals.

That's chimps. Baboons are nasty, sure, but they're not as big. If you got a good windup and clocked a baboon with the broom handle you could probably knock one out.

Much like the people who assure me the kitchen sink is far more filthier than the toilet, I will take your word for it and not test the hypothesis.


Oh god, something else farked up that I have been personally involved in.  So yea when I was 19 i worked at a animal testing facillity at the UT campus.  Among the many farked up things they had there, there was a room (not that big even) with about a dozen baboons.  When they were showing the rounds and we got to that room there were a verbal list of do's and donts for when you go into the baboon room.  Dont make eye contact, dont stay in for more than 5 minutes.  Dont interact.  If one of them grabs anything off of you GET THE fark OUT.  Dont leave anything hanging off your person they can grab off you. Ect Ect Ect Ect, it was a list.  Biggest warning, if one of them starts to fark with you, get out, cuz baboons never fight 1 on 1.  I quote "you can handle 1 with your mop, but his 8 cousins are another matter".
I quit at the end of my first shift.  Being broke was better than dealing with that shiat for 1991 minimum wage.
The third most farked up job I ever had.  Maybe fourth.
 
2013-05-21 12:38:09 PM  

ChipNASA: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: ChipNASA: Meh,


/what??

A baboon hasn't been in the White House since January '08

[0.tqn.com image 800x571]


www.animevortex.net
???

/oh, wait, now this is racist because the current president has pigmentation
 
2013-05-21 12:39:03 PM  
Were they playing theremins?

i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-21 12:44:21 PM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-21 12:45:32 PM  

bhcompy: ChipNASA: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: ChipNASA: Meh,


/what??

A baboon hasn't been in the White House since January '08

[0.tqn.com image 800x571]

[www.animevortex.net image 801x572]
???

/oh, wait, now this is racist because the current president has pigmentation



Bush actually resembles a chimp in his facial expressions, Obama doesn't... so it isn't funny.

If you're gonna risk the racism label, at least make it worth your time by being funny.
 
2013-05-21 12:59:56 PM  
I just had an epiphany.

The reason you don't see any baboons in The Planet of the Apes franchise is that they are so aggressive and have such bad attitudes towards work and property that nobody, not even the dolt who genetically engineered apes to be slaves in a Conservative Southerner Race War Paranoid Fantasy* (I think he was French, perhaps), would attempt to train baboons.

They do make good guard animals. Ren & Stimpy have not lied to you about that. They really will tear your face off and eat it, although so will a very angry chimpanzee.

The reason you don't see any Mandrills is that their gorgeous red, white and/or blue buttocks would make them the laughing stocks of the Planet of the Apes and they'd kill us all, orangutans, chimps and gorillas included.

The best ape to train for the servant classes would probably be the Bonobo** Chimpanzee, which are smart, gentle, horny, and wise-cracking, but they are among the fugliest of the Great Apes, so evidently the TV and Movie people eliminated them the way American media always eliminate the fuglies and replace them with gorgeous people who wear glasses or wear bow-ties.

Presumably there are Bonobos** in the funnier, more intelligent, British Planet of the Apes, but the TV series was only six episodes long so nobody knows it exists. A Merchant & Mammoth Ivory production.

If there were Baboons on the Planet of the Apes, they'd be the ones with Thugz-4-Life tats. Gorillas would cross the street to avoid meeting one. Because Gorillas are vegetarians and relatively peace-loving and non-aggressive creatures despite over a century of racist press from the same dipshiat producers and directors who gave you Jungle Fever movies and Jar-Jar Binks.

The real African American actors, like Rochester, Step-'n'-Fetch-It and Bill Crosby, were dignified and lovable scamps, especially when compared to the crap the SF and horror movies produced in the way of racial characterizations. Even the great King Kong was as racist and ahistorical as a Japanese Monster movie. Panicky Africans in the South Sea Islands? Well, not a lot of them, really. The few that there were jumped ship like their white crewmates. Trust me, if the Panicky Africans could build megalithic walls and gates to keep out 65 foot giant apes, they would NOT forget how to maintain them. EVER.

(What was the gate for?)***

*Starring Charlton Heston, who else? He was the go-to-guy for Right Wing White Paranoia for a lifetime of bad movies. (In the original Last Man on Earth movie, Vincent Price played a guilt-struck liberal. In Omega Man, Chuck played a guilty but unrepentant gun-loving gung-ho warmonger flunky scientist. Go figure)

**AKA the Sexy Chimp. Quote: "Where de human women at?"

*** You know, I think I have digressed again. Oh, well. That's my schtick. That's the Brantgoose treatment. It's what I do. My theory is that the Panicky Natives built the gate back when they had tanks and big guns. They may have also had the Bomb. As seen in the soon-to-be released RETURN TO GIANT APE ISLAND, where the Movie Producer discovers a society of extra-tiny lemurs that worship an unexploded H-bomb while trying to invent a delivery system to attack the San Diego Zoo.
 
2013-05-21 01:03:02 PM  
P.S. I think the guy who wrote the original story for Last Man on Earth was also French. Or maybe I'm thinking of The Fly. For a while there, Hollywood was stealing a French SF movie idea at a rate of about one a week.

Ha! ha! Hollywood surrenders to the French! (But changes the story just enough so they don't have to pay the authors.) See Hollywood's steady stream of World War II revisionist movies for more details.

Well, that's enough digression for me. But I will be back! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
 
2013-05-21 01:04:10 PM  

orclover: The third most farked up job I ever had.  Maybe fourth.


Curious to know what the other jobs were...
 
2013-05-21 01:04:46 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-21 01:05:03 PM  
Let me guess: it's against the law to just shoot them?
 
2013-05-21 01:05:36 PM  

tinfoil-hat maggie: 99 dead baboons?


Came here for that, then realized this was going to be a political thread and backed out slowly.
 
2013-05-21 01:10:04 PM  

NutWrench: Let me guess: it's against the law to just shoot them?


They are endangered and protected.
There were reports a few years ago during a drought of baboons mugging women who were on their way back from getting water and stealing the water. That ended when men with pangas and clubs started accompanying the women.
 
2013-05-21 01:13:24 PM  

WippitGuud: [i.imgur.com image 400x479]


Babboon hand puppet? (glancing at photo, noting placement of left hand of larger baboon)
 
2013-05-21 01:16:28 PM  

anuran: NutWrench: Let me guess: it's against the law to just shoot them?

They are endangered and protected.
There were reports a few years ago during a drought of baboons mugging women who were on their way back from getting water and stealing the water. That ended when men with pangas and clubs started accompanying the women.


Pangas?  upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-05-21 01:18:01 PM  

orclover: TheShavingofOccam123: theorellior: TheShavingofOccam123: Yeah. One thing you want to do is corner an angry and scared baboon. A broom is going to tickle him a little while he bites off your hand and tears off your genitals.

That's chimps. Baboons are nasty, sure, but they're not as big. If you got a good windup and clocked a baboon with the broom handle you could probably knock one out.

Much like the people who assure me the kitchen sink is far more filthier than the toilet, I will take your word for it and not test the hypothesis.

Oh god, something else farked up that I have been personally involved in.  So yea when I was 19 i worked at a animal testing facillity at the UT campus.  Among the many farked up things they had there, there was a room (not that big even) with about a dozen baboons.  When they were showing the rounds and we got to that room there were a verbal list of do's and donts for when you go into the baboon room.  Dont make eye contact, dont stay in for more than 5 minutes.  Dont interact.  If one of them grabs anything off of you GET THE fark OUT.  Dont leave anything hanging off your person they can grab off you. Ect Ect Ect Ect, it was a list.  Biggest warning, if one of them starts to fark with you, get out, cuz baboons never fight 1 on 1.  I quote "you can handle 1 with your mop, but his 8 cousins are another matter".
I quit at the end of my first shift.  Being broke was better than dealing with that shiat for 1991 minimum wage.
The third most farked up job I ever had.  Maybe fourth.


Thanks for sharing.

My mother found a spider monkey in the neighbor's backyard. She took the monkey and my older brother to the local Simian Society. They walk into this huge building full of cages that are full of every kind of ape or monkey imaginable.  My brother the idiot decides to wander off against orders. Luckily, the chimp--I think it was a chimp--that grabbed him and pulled him against the cage only wanted a hug and treated him pretty gently. My brother could have been killed or horribly disfigured before anyone could have done anything.

/I was always sorry my mother came home with my brother...I was hoping she'd come back with the spider monkey instead.
 
2013-05-21 01:20:24 PM  
Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?
 
2013-05-21 01:20:51 PM  

StandsWithAFist: orclover: The third most farked up job I ever had.  Maybe fourth.

Curious to know what the other jobs were...


Stealing computer parts for a crime family parts reseller.  Working for a psychopath who threatened to murder his assembly line workers on a daily basis (anybody else work at tyrex?). Playing armed referee for hookers and crack addicts in government housing.  Off the top of my head.
 
2013-05-21 01:24:25 PM  
so..
everywhere there was dung, poo fighting?
 
2013-05-21 01:31:07 PM  

orclover: The third most farked up job I ever had. Maybe fourth.


"As fun as a room full of baboons" sure doesn't quite have the same ring to it, that's for sure...
 
2013-05-21 01:32:42 PM  

orclover: StandsWithAFist: orclover: The third most farked up job I ever had.  Maybe fourth.

Curious to know what the other jobs were...

Stealing computer parts for a crime family parts reseller.  Working for a psychopath who threatened to murder his assembly line workers on a daily basis (anybody else work at tyrex?). Playing armed referee for hookers and crack addicts in government housing.  Off the top of my head.


What? No Assistant Crack Whore?
 
2013-05-21 01:34:01 PM  

TheShavingofOccam123: What? No Assistant Crack Whore?


Got to draw the line somewhere.
 
2013-05-21 01:34:14 PM  

brantgoose: Starring Charlton Heston, who else? He was the go-to-guy for Right Wing White Paranoia for a lifetime of bad movies. (In the original Last Man on Earth movie, Vincent Price played a guilt-struck liberal. In Omega Man, Chuck played a guilty but unrepentant gun-loving gung-ho warmonger flunky scientist. Go figure)


Yeah. about that narrative...

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-05-21 03:34:08 PM  

dittybopper: brantgoose: Starring Charlton Heston, who else? He was the go-to-guy for Right Wing White Paranoia for a lifetime of bad movies. (In the original Last Man on Earth movie, Vincent Price played a guilt-struck liberal. In Omega Man, Chuck played a guilty but unrepentant gun-loving gung-ho warmonger flunky scientist. Go figure)

Yeah. about that narrative...


Bah, being consistently for civil rights doesn't matter!
 
2013-05-21 03:40:13 PM  

stevarooni: dittybopper: brantgoose: Starring Charlton Heston, who else? He was the go-to-guy for Right Wing White Paranoia for a lifetime of bad movies. (In the original Last Man on Earth movie, Vincent Price played a guilt-struck liberal. In Omega Man, Chuck played a guilty but unrepentant gun-loving gung-ho warmonger flunky scientist. Go figure)

Yeah. about that narrative...

Bah, being consistently for civil rights doesn't matter!


I believe what happened in the Charlton Heston case was, like Ronald Reagan, he lost his mental faculties. But his family lied about his condition so he could find work. Just like Reagan's family.
 
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