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(Mental Floss)   ██ ████ to know if ███ ██████████ ██ ███████ your email   (mentalfloss.com) divider line 30
    More: Scary, Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, legal doctrine, public switched telephone network, FISA Amendments Act, National Security Agency, American Internet  
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24996 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 May 2013 at 12:19 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-05-21 12:25:59 AM  
4 votes:
They're monitoring my Fark submissions, I've run out of time, the treasure is hidden in the +++++++++++++++++++++++carrierlost++++++++++++++++++++
2013-05-21 09:15:34 AM  
3 votes:
If you like to troll telemarketers, then you're probably on a list like me.

Got a call from some long distance phone company that went thusly:
"Hi, I'm from Ragamuffin communications, and I think we can save you money. Sir, how much do you spend a month in long distance?"
'Oh...probably about two or three- (I could almost hear the guy smiling ans he thought I was gonna say 'hundred') thousand dollars'
"....did you say three thousand dollars?"
'Yeah, about that'
"Sir.....where are you calling?"
'Oh, the normal places. China, Libya, Pakistan, Iran, North Korea, Syria.'
"Uh.....is this for business?"
'Yeah'
"What kind of business are you in?"
'Oh, I sell missle guidance systems'
"Are you allowed to do that?"
'I dunno. I never really thought about that. I suppose if you don't ask, they can't say no, right?'
"You sell a lot of those?"
'Oh yeah, they can't get enough, for some reason.'
"I bet they really want to get their hands on good tech"
'Oh, I don't sell them good guidance equipment, the stuff I sell is pretty aweful'
"Why?"
'Well, do YOU want them to have lastest gen GPS and electronic systems in their missles? I sure don't. The chips I use come from old Donkey Kong Machines. Why do you think North Korea has a hard time even hitting the ocean with a missle?'
"Don't they get mad?"
'Eh, I just tell them they arn't following the instructions and they need to learn English better. Plus, all the manuals for the different parts giving conflicting instructions so the tracking guy is actively messing up what the guidance guy is doing, and the electronics guy is messing both of them up.'
"Oh, I see. Okay, well you have a good day"

He forgot to even try and sell me his service.
2013-05-21 01:41:00 AM  
3 votes:
Meh let em read what they want, if they want eye watering boredom my emails will provide it in spades, if they want blindness and the sudden need to shower with ajax my surfing habits will suffice nicely, if they want to run from the room screaming while trying to remove their eyeballs with yogurt spoons have em link into my webcam.

/currently lying here naked while the Old Lady braids my nipple hair
2013-05-21 01:38:54 AM  
3 votes:
The best and most clever way to fool the  FBI is to come up with some kind of code  and stick to it.  The folks at the government's secretive   NSA could care less about average citizens, or do they?    Are Farkers paranoid government agencies have nothing better to do;  monitoring their private emails is not a government's priority.  Will  this egocentric hubris continue to manifest itself in every Fark  thread?

/ Come up with a code like reading every tenth word
// Burn after reading
/// Drink your Ovaltine
2013-05-21 12:36:46 AM  
3 votes:
I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.
2013-05-21 12:33:41 AM  
3 votes:
In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On." For a short scene one week we needed a sentence translated from English into Czechoslovakian, so I got the bright idea to just call the Czech embassy and ask whoever we got on the phone to translate it for us. We did. They did. And into the script our authentic translation went.

A couple hours later the LA office of the FBI called asking why we were calling the Czech embassy in DC from our offices in North Hollywood. After a few minutes of our script coordinator explaining it a few different ways they said "okay" and hung up.

Script Coordinator Susan got to feel like a spy for a day.

/csb
2013-05-21 12:24:43 AM  
3 votes:
#12. You accidentally joined the communist party, just to get rid of an over-eager pamphleteer who cornered you on the street.

/true story, bro.
2013-05-21 12:57:17 AM  
2 votes:

crayola_chicken: worlddan: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

None of that is going to trigger anything because you left out the words "arab," "midget," and "porn"

just our of curiosity, i did a GIS for "arab midget porn."  huh.  everything exists.


pixelbedlam.co.uk
2013-05-21 12:47:17 AM  
2 votes:

valkore: RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On."

The one on HBO?  Great show for my 12 year old self to watch.  Some of the first boobs I got to see on TV.


Yep. "HBOs sexy new adult comedy."

We shot all the boob scenes a second time in a bra, for syndication. (Actress wore a bra, too.)
2013-05-21 12:46:12 AM  
2 votes:

Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.


I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.
2013-05-21 12:39:39 AM  
2 votes:

Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.


None of that is going to trigger anything because you left out the words "arab," "midget," and "porn"
2013-05-21 12:39:34 AM  
2 votes:
Hey NSA,

████ You.

Love,

████████
2013-05-21 12:29:14 AM  
2 votes:
Who cares your ISP, email provider, and search engine is selling them the shiat anyway.
2013-05-21 12:00:12 AM  
2 votes:
#14 If you click this link
2013-05-21 03:21:19 AM  
1 votes:

J. Frank Parnell: I once had a guy on this very website make some comments which seemed like he might know more than he should about who i really am. So i researched his previous posts and what do you know, he worked in US naval intelligence. I stopped posting here for quite awhile after.


Flynavy wasn't a genius, he just had his intelligent wife typing.

She was heavily involved in MK ULTRA and Echelon.
2013-05-21 03:06:08 AM  
1 votes:

omnibus_necanda_sunt: J. Frank Parnell: I once had a guy on this very website make some comments which seemed like he might know more than he should about who i really am. So i researched his previous posts and what do you know, he worked in US naval intelligence. I stopped posting here for quite awhile after.

You'd be amazed what builds up in farkies when you log everything important they post in their header. You've just been farkied for your strange experience

Only like 6 farkers have admitted to being black in threads I've seen. There are literally more lesbians and gays than black folk on here.


Btw, I'd have that mole checked out, if I were you.
2013-05-21 02:09:27 AM  
1 votes:

Oldiron_79: Bumblefark: Oldiron_79: midgit gas mask porn


Yeah, no way in hell I want that Google image search rolling around in my head while I'm trying to drift off to sleep. I'm just going to grant you the win, here...

I came up with something too sick for Fark? Does that mean I get a internet law named after me or something.


Rule #97: If a Farker cannot fap to it, it is unfappable. Verily.
2013-05-21 01:59:45 AM  
1 votes:

Bumblefark: Oldiron_79: midgit gas mask porn




Yeah, no way in hell I want that Google image search rolling around in my head while I'm trying to drift off to sleep. I'm just going to grant you the win, here...


I came up with something too sick for Fark? Does that mean I get a internet law named after me or something.
2013-05-21 01:50:42 AM  
1 votes:

AGremlin: / Come up with a code like reading every tenth word
// Burn after reading
/// Drink your Ovaltine


Whatever you want to know about the world can befound out. If you really want to know -- you'resureas can be -- then there is only one waytodiscover. The truth is like a long, tall, cooldrinkof water. The real question is whether or not yourconstitution is up to discovering the dark secret behindOvaltine.

/orphan annie out
2013-05-21 01:48:37 AM  
1 votes:

Pribar: Meh let em read what they want, if they want eye watering boredom my emails will provide it in spades, if they want blindness and the sudden need to shower with ajax my surfing habits will suffice nicely, if they want to run from the room screaming while trying to remove their eyeballs with yogurt spoons have em link into my webcam.

/currently lying here naked while the Old Lady braids my nipple hair


I think I have found a replacement for Margret Thatcher.
2013-05-21 01:38:48 AM  
1 votes:

Oldiron_79: midgit gas mask porn


rlv.zcache.com


Yeah, no way in hell I want that Google image search rolling around in my head while I'm trying to drift off to sleep. I'm just going to grant you the win, here...
2013-05-21 12:56:15 AM  
1 votes:

Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.


Would they be checking me out if I had done something like, oh, maybe like checking out a few of the stalls on Silk Road?
2013-05-21 12:54:27 AM  
1 votes:
Go ahead, read my email, if you want to be bored witless.
2013-05-21 12:52:30 AM  
1 votes:

fusillade762: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.


Ricin is the poor man's james bond fantasy.  To be really nasty you need to do some google of the army improvised munitions and demolitions manual from 1968.  You can get them at unlicensed gun shows run by militias and other patriot groups.
2013-05-21 12:47:42 AM  
1 votes:

worlddan: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

None of that is going to trigger anything because you left out the words "arab," "midget," and "porn"


just our of curiosity, i did a GIS for "arab midget porn."  huh.  everything exists.
2013-05-21 12:42:20 AM  
1 votes:

worlddan: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

None of that is going to trigger anything because you left out the words "arab," "midget," and "porn"


My arabic midget butler isn't doing porn anymore.  After corning the market on the North Korean market for boom boom there was nowhere left to go.  So now he cleans up my residue and draws pretty pictures of nuclear blasts over Newark.
2013-05-21 12:37:02 AM  
1 votes:
Behind 7 proxies.
2013-05-21 12:27:13 AM  
1 votes:
i believe anything im told
2013-05-21 12:24:49 AM  
1 votes:
Well somebody needs to read that shiat, and it ain't gonna be me.
2013-05-21 12:24:36 AM  
1 votes:
#15 you're writing emails.
 
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